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Always Comparing Yourself to Other Moms? #1 Best Habit to Reverse It FAST · Motherhood Uncut

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: That mom who makes you feel like you're failing, the one who looks like she has it all together, she is white knuckling just as hard as you are.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason you can't stop comparing yourself to her is not a confidence problem.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's just your own sharp mind turning against you.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: And by the end, I will show you how to take its power away.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: So it's 11 p.m.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: You told yourself you would go to sleep, but instead you are scrolling, and there she is.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: The mom who somehow has the clean house, the calm kids, the business, the body, the marriage that looks easy, and you feel that familiar little sink in your chest.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone else seems to have figured this out.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: What is wrong with me?
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you're at pickup and you watch another mother breeze right in, unhurried, put together, her kid running to her, all smiles, and you glance down at your coffee stained shirt, your kid mid meltdown, and you think, how is she doing this so easily?
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I want to tell you something I know for certain.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: After 20 years of sitting with women just like her, the mom you're comparing yourself to, the one who looks like she has it all together, is very likely struggling just as much as you are.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: You just can't see it.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Stay with me here because once you understand what's actually going on here, you can put this particular weight down for good.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: I know this one from the inside and not the way you might expect.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was the mom who looked completely fine.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was a maternal mental health specialist, for goodness sake.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: From the outside, I looked like the woman who had it all handled.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And inside, I was a spinning, overwhelmed mess that almost no one knew about.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Catastrophic thoughts, up at night, a marriage that felt fragile, certain that I was failing at the one thing I was supposed to be the expert in.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: So when I tell you the most put together woman in the room is often the one white knuckling the hardest, I'm not actually guessing.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: I was her.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the first thing that's actually happening.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: You are comparing your insides to everyone else's outsides.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know every single one of your own doubts, the 3 a.m.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: fears, the thing you snapped about this morning that you still feel badly about.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: You've got the full unedited footage of your motherhood, every outtake, all of it.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: And of her, that woman you're comparing yourself to, you see about five curated seconds.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: The photos she picked out of the 40 she took, the good morning, not the one before it.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: You're holding your whole messy reality up against her highlight reel and calling it a fair comparison.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: It was never fair.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: It was never even real.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a reason your brain does this so relentlessly, especially if you're a driven, capable woman.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Comparison is your achievement brain, doing the thing it's always done.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's measuring and ranking and figuring out where you stand so that you can climb.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: That instinct built your career.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: It got you real results, but you're pointing it at motherhood.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: And motherhood has no leaderboard, there's no score, there's no winning it.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain is trying to rank something that can't be ranked, and ranking itself is a huge part of why you feel like you're losing.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the cruelest part comparison makes you hide because you're so sure everyone else has it figured out.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: You don't dare say out loud how hard it actually is.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: So you smile at pickup, you say, Oh, we're good, just busy.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And meanwhile, every other mother on that playground is doing the exact same thing.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Hiding, assuming everyone else is fine, certain she's the only one drowning.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's a whole yard full of women, each one convinced that she's the only one struggling, all of them performing this version of okay for each other.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that hiding is what turns comparison from a bad feeling into a really lonely one.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: The loneliness is what makes the whole thing so much heavier than it needs to be.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: So let me tell you what actually helps because just stop comparing yourself has never once worked for me or anyone else I know for that matter.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: So start by naming it right in the moment when that sink hits.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Say it to yourself plainly.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm comparing my insides to her outsides.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: That one sentence loosens the grip almost every time because it's the truth.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the comparison runs on a lie.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Then look honestly at what you're feeding it.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: If there's an account you follow that leaves you feeling like you are failing every time you see it, that isn't education.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's a wound you keep reopening on purpose.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: So mute her, unfollow her.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Put the phone in the other room during the witching hour.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: You're allowed to protect your own mind, your own heart.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: But the real anecdote to comparison isn't comparing better.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's connection.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: The two can't exist in the same moment.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: So be the one who says the true thing.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Tell the friend, this week is kicking my butt, and I feel like I am barely holding it together.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And watch what happens.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Watch her shoulders drop.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Watch her say, Oh, thank goodness.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Me too.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: That little exhale between two honest women breaks the spell for both of you.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's the thing we're all starving for and too scared to start.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: And when you catch yourself measuring, come back to the only scoreboard that was ever real.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: The actual relationship with the child in front of you.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the truth: your kid could tell you if they had the words.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: They are not comparing you to anyone.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: They don't want the other mom.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: They want you.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yours is the face that means safe.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: So the next time it's 11 p.m.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: and your thumb is hovering over that perfect little square.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Remember what you can't see.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: She's got a 3 a.m.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: too.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: She's got a morning she's not proud of, also.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: She is very likely lying awake somewhere with her own version of the exact same worry that's keeping you up.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: You're just looking at everyone else's outside and holding it against your inside.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: This was never a game.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: You can put that scoreboard down.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: So this is landing.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: The piece underneath all of it is why capable-driven women get pulled into ranking and measuring and fixing in the first place.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: I made a whole video called The Hidden Reason Motherhood Feels So Hard for High Achievers.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it goes right to the root.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: So watch that one next.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Tonight, put the phone down.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can text one friend the honest version of your day, you are not the only one.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: You never were.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I will see you in the next video.