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Escaping a relationship with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about escaping a relationship with a
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  narcissist. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. So welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  This is a hot topic. Not hot because it's like, no,
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  you know what I mean? Not like, because it's popular,
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  but like, hot because it, well, it could be popular, but it's
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  also hot because it's risky. That's why.
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  That's why I use the word escape.
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  I didn't just say leaving a relationship with a narcissist,
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  which is what some people have the ability to do.
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  Everybody can't just leave a narcissistic relationship,
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  right? Some people have to escape
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  because the way I describe a toxic relationship with a lot of
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  narcissists and toxic people and dangerous people is like, you're
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  in a prison, like you are a prisoner, right?
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  You've been locked up in this narcissistic prison for X amount
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  of years, X amount of time that you've been together in a
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  relationship with this person, right?
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  Like it could be a short period of time.
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  It doesn't take very long for especially the really dangerous
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  narcissistic people. It doesn't take very long for
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  them to become obsessed and think that they you belong to
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  them, right? So the time period is can
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  sometimes be insignificant, but sometimes it can be very, very
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  significant. Like, like I said, you don't
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  have to be in a relationship with them for a long period of
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  time for them to become attached to you, obsessed with you and
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  think that you belong to them where escaping makes sense.
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  Like leaving a relationship with a narcissist you like, OK, you
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  can go like with some narcissist, could you?
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  If you decide to leave them, could you just go up to them and
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  tell them, hey, look, this isn't working and I've decided that
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  it's best for me to make this move over here.
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  It's best for me to leave this relationship.
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  It's best for me to. It is best for my growth and my
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  healing. And my journey is best for me to
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  go this way. You know, Could you do that with
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  some narcissists? Yeah.
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  But the ones that you have to escape are the dangerous,
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  obsessive ones. You have to make a plan in
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  telling them might not be the best course of action.
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  You see, because some narcissists are they are
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  dangerous. Some of them will escalate when
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  you tell them that you're leaving.
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  They're so they're y'all it's going.
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  This is going to suck to say. But there are people laying in
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  the cemetery right now, laying at rest right now that are in
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  heaven right now that told their narcissistic person that they
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  were going to leave them. They told all you did was tell
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  them that you wanted a divorce or that you wanted to end the
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  relationship. And now they're in heaven.
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  Looking down on, looking down. Maybe channelling.
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  Maybe channelling this message to you.
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  Maybe putting this message on your for you page.
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  Maybe putting this message on your YouTube, or your TikTok or
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  your Twitter. Wherever you see this at, on
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  your Facebook, wherever you see this at.
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  Right. Maybe they sent this.
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  Maybe they channelled this message to you because you never
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  searched for narcissists before. Have you?
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  You never searched for abusive, toxic relationships before, have
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  you? But it's somehow, someway this
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  black guy with dreads ended up on your page talking about
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  escaping a toxic relationship, right?
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  There are people laying in the cemetery right now that
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  shouldn't be but they. But they.
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  But they are. Because they.
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  The only error that they made was telling somebody that they
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  wanted to leave. You see what I'm saying?
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  Sometimes you have to make a plan.
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  Telling the person that you're going to leave them isn't always
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  part of that plan. You see, I'm just telling you
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  because some people react negatively.
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  Like y'all I'm telling you for what do you call it?
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  It's family annihilators is the term that you hear a lot of
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  people are referring to. They call them family
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  Annihilators because they don't just take you out there.
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  If you have kids and you tell them that you're going to leave,
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  they annihilate the kids too. They annihilate you.
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  They annihilate the kids and then they then they annihilate
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  themselves or they have somebody else do it.
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  They hire a hit person to come out here and annihilate you.
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  Because all you because all you wanted to do is leave.
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  So if you escaping you feel like the word escape fits better than
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  leaving, then you don't have to tell that person that you're
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  going to leave them. You know, sometimes it's best to
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  make a plan however long that plan takes.
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  I've talked to people. There's people that I consider
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  myself consider friends with me right now that it's taking them,
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  It took them 18 months to make a plan to leave their
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  relationship. You know, they stayed with a
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  person that they probably hated for 18 months in order to be
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  able to leave safely. When they left safely for that
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  narcissistic person, went to work that day, they came home
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  and they were gone. There were divorce papers
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  sitting there and they didn't know where they were at.
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  Change the address, change the phone number, commit.
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  Talk to me through my lawyer. But they didn't have kids.
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  So I know it's different when you have kids because kids are,
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  you know, in the middle. But that's why I'm saying right
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  now, if you are making a plan to leave this person, be careful of
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  course, and don't You don't have to tell everybody your plan.
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  Only tell people that you feel like you can trust with your
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  life. Don't tell the person at the
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  bar. Don't tell your doctor if y'all
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  see the same doctor. Don't tell a friend of a friend.
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  Don't tell the coach of your son's team.
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  Don't tell the coach of your daughter's cheerleading team,
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  your son cheerleading, whoever, whatever.
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  Don't tell them you. Don't Don't tell people that you
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  wouldn't trust with your life. Talk like you Make a list of
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  people that you trust that like, like a list of people that OK,
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  if I tell this to this people, if I tell this to this person, I
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  trust them with my life because that's what that's what you're
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  doing sometimes. Because if you tell the wrong
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  person, the wrong person alerts your toxic narcissistic partner
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  and then they can put you, put you in danger and then it can
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  cost you your life. That could cost you your life,
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  cost your kids their lives. So if you don't have to tell
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  people, unless you need help and you have to be able to trust
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  those people with your life, be, albeit maybe your parents, that
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  you can tell your parents. I talked to a woman very
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  recently. She's in her 60s and the the
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  person who helped her leave was her 8990 year old mom, she said.
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  She said Lee, I took off walking.
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  I was like I it got dangerous, it got abusive.
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  I I just left the house. I didn't take the keys.
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  I didn't take anything. The only thing I took was my
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  cell phone and I guess who I called.
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  I was like the police. She said no, I called my mom.
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  I was like, you've been married for 40 years.
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  My mom was in her 80s. I think she said 90s.
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  It might it might be 89 or 93. It's one of those.
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  Those numbers are popping in my head.
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  But she said her mom grabbed her purse, hopped in the whip and
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  came and got her. I was like, that touched my
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  heart. Y'all.
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  I was just like, wow, Mama Bear in her 80s and 90s still come to
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  get her little girl. You see what I'm saying?
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  Sometimes this only person you can, only people you can trust
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  is your parents. But sometimes it gets to that
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  point. But you can't even trust your
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  parents because the parents like your partner, like your ex.
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  And they'll tell, hey, look, you need to get things together
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  because my my son is about to leave you or my daughter's about
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  to leave you and they just and they just they just
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  inadvertently put you in danger. You see.
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  Find people that you can trust. Make a plan, y'all, make a plan.
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  And y'all. I feel like if you have to
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  escape, make a plan. And also make sure that you're
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  ready to go for good. Make sure that there's a plan in
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  order for money, housing, whatever.
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  But also make sure there's a plan in order for your heart and
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  your emotions. Because make.
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  Because if the if you go back after you, after you, if you
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  have to escape them, right, you don't tell them.
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  You don't tell them that you're going to leave and you feel like
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  you have to escape them. And you do escape and somehow
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  you go back. You in the back of that
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  relationship or in back in the back of that house with them,
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  they're not going to trust you again to not just leave.
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  They're going. If they've been controlling
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  before, they're going to become even more controlling right now.
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  They're going to become even more controlled.
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  They're going to have eyes on you at all times.
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  You might have cameras around the house.
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  You might have to turn your location on at all times.
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  Life 360, you're on your phone right now.
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  I said this is one of my lives. But they become so obsessive.
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  They might have you. They might have you swallow a
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  damn air tag. You know what I mean?
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  They might try to put put one of.
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  They might try to. They might try to put one of
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  these right here. They might try to slip you one
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  of these in your in your in your favorite meal.
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  Hey, here's a here's a piece of pizza.
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  Just swallow the whole. Don't chew it.
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  And there's a whole time with the damn air tag.
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  Because they. I know that's stupid, but they
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  want to know where you are at all times.
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  And you'll be like, you'll be driving around and like, you
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  know how your phone is. Like there's an air tag
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  traveling around with you, an unknown air tag with you right
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  now. That's because they got an air
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  tag in your car. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's how it works a lot of the times.
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  So you have to be able to protect yourself in these spaces
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  because if you don't protect yourself, you're going to end up
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  inevitably going back to this toxicity and you're going to end
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  up getting hurt. You know, you end up getting
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  drug around and hurt and manipulated and they're like
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  it's going to be painful for you in this space right here.
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  So make sure when you're making this plan to leave, make sure
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  that you are ready to leave. Make sure that this is final.
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  Make sure you have more already mourned the loss of this
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  relationship. You know, if you have kids, make
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  sure that you already have an idea of a parenting plan.
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  Sometimes you just have to escape.
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  Sometimes you have to pack yourself up and go like you're
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  not ready to leave. You feel like it's gotten
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  dangerous. Sometimes you have to pack up
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  and go, but you might have to stay in contact with with this
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  person because you have children.
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  And they will. Absolutely.
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  A lot of them will absolutely use the children as leverage,
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  albeit to keep the kids around or they just threatening to
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  discard the kids and be done with the kids for all.
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  Oh, for good. You know, if you are, if they
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  are in control of all the finances of or the financial
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  provider, they'll threaten to do not provide for you, you know,
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  So think about that. Y'all.
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  When you think about plans, when you're making a plan, think
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  about the money, think about the time, think about the location
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  where you're going to live. Think about the communication,
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  how you going to communicate. Think about all of this stuff.
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  And also have backup plans in order as well.
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  Be prepared to pivot. You know, as I said, be PP.
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  Be prepared to pivot because things happen.
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  If you're going to leave while they're at work and they just
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  happen to come home and come home while you're moving, they
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  might snap. Be prepared to pivot.
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  Have a backup plan. Have people there that you can
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  trust. You know what I mean?
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  If there's there's weapons in the house, make sure the weapons
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  are not with that person. Make sure the weapons are hidden
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  or put away or somewhere that they can't get to them easily,
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  they can't easily access unless they carry it with him at all
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  times. You see, you have to be prepared
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  to pivot because it can get dangerous.
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  I know this episode is scary and kind of dark.
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  You know, aside from the swallowing the air pod, I mean
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  air air tag part, it can be dangerous.
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  Y'all, that's what you said. You have to be ready to when you
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  are ready to go. When you are ready to leave make
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  a plan. And but I said already be
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  mourning the loss of it because if you get, if you make this
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  escape plan and you don't tell them and you go back, I'm
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  telling you your life will get harder.
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  It might be good at first. It might be they're changing
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  their behaviors at first because they don't want to lose you, but
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  then they switch back up on you because you did leave, because
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  they did lose you. So now they're switching it back
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  up on you because they're angry at you, because now they feel
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  like you escaped them. And I feel like they can't trust
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  you to be by yourself anymore. They can't trust you to just,
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  you know, live your life the way you live in it right now.
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  They feel like they can't trust you.
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  So there's a lot of space and a lot of, there's a lot of, like
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  there's a big gap right there. So you have to be prepared to
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  pivot these sites that you have to be safe.
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  You gotta make a plan. Think about the money, think
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  about the time, the location you're going to, the
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  communication and things like that.
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  A parenting plan. Because they are being truthful
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  from the perspective of a narcissist.
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  If they are not ready for you to go, if this comes as complete
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  shock to them, they can still try to hunt you down and snap.
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  You know, they can still try to do that.
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  But that's why you might have to arm yourself depending on where
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  you are. You have to protect yourself,
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  protect your location and things like that.
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  Because it's not like a lot of narcissist to just give up easy.
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  They'll try to be nice. They'll try to promise therapy.
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  They'll try to change their behaviors for a little while.
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  They'll promise you they'll try to make you feel guilty.
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  You took my kids away. You took my love away.
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  You did this, You did that. They'll do everything to try to
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  make you feel bad. And then if you go back, I was
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  just telling you, it more than likely will get worse for you.
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  Because now they probably won't. Now, if you were in prison
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  before, if you, the way I described it at first as a
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  prison. If you were, if this was a
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  prison at first, now you're in solitary confinement, you know,
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  because solitary confinement, from what I heard it here to
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  describe it as in jail, it's like a jail within a jail, you
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  see. So now you're in solitary
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  confinement. You're not just in regular jail,
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  You're in not, not in general population where you can see
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  other people. Now you're in solitary
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  confinement. Well, it's just you, because
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  they don't trust you not to leave again, you see?
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  And sometimes they don't trust. They get to the point.
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  If you go back, well, they'll be planning on leaving you high and
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  dry. Now they're planning on now
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  they're planning their escape plan, just in case you got to
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  leave again to make your life harder.
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  That happens so much. Y'all.
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  No. I was just saying like you're in
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  a relationship with a tax and narcissistic person.
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  You feel like you have to escape.
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  You can't just leave. You have to be careful and be
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  safe because they will make your life harder.
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  It does get harder. Y'all, it's what I was saying
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  that it just happened, that it sucks, you know?
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  But thank you all for tuning into another episode.
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• 13:36
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• 13:38
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• 13:39
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• 14:00
  This is a piece. Thank you so much for making it
• 14:03
  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
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  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
• 14:07
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• 14:21
  I will see you in the next video.
• 14:22
  Peace.