Latest / Raising ADHD: Real Talk For Parents & Educators / [Part 3 of 5] 3 ADHD Holiday Myths Ruining Your Family's Christmas (Psychiatrist Reveals the Truth)

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[Part 3 of 5] 3 ADHD Holiday Myths Ruining Your Family's Christmas (Psychiatrist Reveals the Truth) · Raising ADHD: Real Talk For Parents & Educators

• 0:00
  Apryl: You've been lied to, not on purpose, but in ways that have made your holidays harder, louder, and more guilt-filled than they ever needed to be.
• 0:10
  Apryl: Because for years, ADHD families have been told three big holiday truths, and I say that in quotes, holiday truths, truths that sound helpful, feel logical, and are completely wrong.
• 0:24
  Apryl: Welcome to Raising ADHD, the podcast for parents and teachers raising ADHD kids.
• 0:30
  Apryl: If you've ever felt frustrated, overwhelmed, or just unsure what to do next, you're not alone.
• 0:36
  Apryl: I'm April Bradford, a former teacher and ADHD mom, and alongside my husband, Dr.
• 0:42
  Apryl: Brian Bradford, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, we're here to give you the clarity, strategies, and support you've been looking for.
• 0:50
  Apryl: Every week we break down the misconceptions, answer your biggest questions, and share real tools you can use right away at home and in the classroom.
• 0:59
  Apryl: So if you're ready to feel more confident and less overwhelmed, you're in the right place.
• 1:04
  Apryl: Hey there, welcome back to the podcast.
• 1:06
  Apryl: I hope everyone enjoyed last week and the holiday while we were off.
• 1:11
  Apryl: Today we are diving back in to our holiday-themed episodes.
• 1:17
  Apryl: And here with me is Brian.
• 1:21
  Brian: Hey, April.
• 1:23
  Apryl: Hi, Brian.
• 1:23
  Apryl: Okay.
• 1:24
  Apryl: So today we are going to be diving in to some myths that you may have been told are truths.
• 1:32
  Apryl: And we, these myths, sabotage ADHD kids, they exhaust parents and create meltdowns that were never your fault.
• 1:42
  Brian: Yeah, these are not opinions.
• 1:44
  Brian: This is research.
• 1:44
  Brian: This is neuroscience.
• 1:46
  Brian: And this is what I see clinically with my patients, and it happens every single December.
• 1:51
  Apryl: And the moment you understand what's really going on, you'll parent this season with more confidence and a whole lot less guilt.
• 1:59
  Apryl: Can I get an amen on that?
• 2:01
  Brian: Amen.
• 2:02
  Apryl: Oh my gosh.
• 2:03
  Apryl: So let's dive into myth number one.
• 2:06
  Apryl: And it's one that every parent, whether you have an ADHD kiddo or not, including me, has believed at some point.
• 2:14
  Apryl: And it's that sugar causes hyper.
• 2:18
  Apryl: Sugar equals chaos, and sugar equals the meltdown spiral.
• 2:23
  Brian: Yeah, except for scientifically, this has been proven for a long time.
• 2:28
  Brian: This is not new research.
• 2:29
  Brian: This has been going on for a long time.
• 2:31
  Brian: Sugar does not cause hyperactivity.
• 2:34
  Apryl: And I'm sure that every parent listening to this right now is like, wait, what?
• 2:39
  Apryl: Okay, let's really talk about this.
• 2:42
  Brian: Yeah.
• 2:42
  Brian: So they've done the research.
• 2:45
  Brian: There's at least 12 separate like controlled trials that we know about that kids, including kids with ADHD, did not show significant behavioral change after consuming sugar.
• 2:59
  Brian: This doesn't matter if you have ADHD or you don't have ADHD.
• 3:02
  Brian: There's no behavioral change after sugar.
• 3:04
  Brian: None.
• 3:05
  Apryl: What's really interesting though is the brand new um attention magazine actually has an article about this, about the sugar causing um like more hyperactivity.
• 3:17
  Apryl: And it does talk about how there's research saying that it doesn't, and now it's saying that there's research out there that says that it doesn't, or that it does, but there really truly are 12 separate controlled trials that say that this does not it this is not what's causing it.
• 3:36
  Apryl: But parents swear they see it.
• 3:38
  Apryl: But here's the funny thing about one of the the um trials was that one of the studies found that moms rated their kids as more hyper even when they were in the control group and their kids had been given a sugar substitute, not actual sugar.
• 4:00
  Brian: Right.
• 4:00
  Brian: Well, part of this is probably the the when people are hungry or when they're full, they act differently.
• 4:06
  Brian: So in some ways, sugar could be decreasing hyperactivity or decreasing meltdowns, let's say.
• 4:14
  Brian: So, which means parents were reacting to the situation and not to the sugar.
• 4:23
  Brian: So you have the party, you have the noise, you have the anticipation, the whole bit, and this spikes adrenaline, but the cookie itself does not spike the adrenaline.
• 4:34
  Brian: So if you give them if you give them cookie on the way to the party, it's not gonna create any more chaos than had you not given the cookie or or waited till the party to give it to them.
• 4:44
  Apryl: Yeah, and it's like, I mean, our daughter just having a playdate, and when the playmate gets old here, she's way excited, whether she's had sugar or not.
• 4:52
  Apryl: Like it's exciting, it's a whole stimulating environment, and it's an exciting time of the year.
• 4:56
  Apryl: So if you're blaming yourself for the cupcake meltdown, it wasn't the cupcake.
• 5:01
  Apryl: It's just the holiday chaos.
• 5:04
  Apryl: And a little, if you're still like going, well, I think I believe the study that Attention magazine is saying that my kid does get hyper, one thing you can do instead of, you know, being like, no more sugar, no more sugar.
• 5:18
  Apryl: I mean, obviously, yes, like try to control the sugar, but pair the sugar with some protein, and that's gonna help, you know, just like the blood sugar, all the things.
• 5:29
  Apryl: So if you're worried about it, there's a little tip for you.
• 5:31
  Apryl: Pair it, I mean, even a cookie with some milk, that milk has protein, pair it together.
• 5:35
  Apryl: A little string cheese, boom.
• 5:37
  Apryl: If there's something, you know, a charcuterie board or something at the party that you're like, okay, my kid will eat this hot dog, I don't know.
• 5:45
  Apryl: Just something to get some protein in with that sugar, that can help too if you're still like skeptical of this myth.
• 5:52
  Apryl: Right.
• 5:52
  Brian: And we're also not saying just give your kids sugar, because obviously there's a lot of medical reasons to not just give your kids sugar.
• 6:00
  Brian: But the sugar is not the excuse for the meltdown.
• 6:03
  Brian: You have the loss of structure, you have sensory overloads, you have executive functioning fatigue, and you have just the general excitement of the party that is causing adrenaline rush and then a meltdown.
• 6:15
  Apryl: Yeah, and it goes back to the last two episodes that we've done about holiday chaos.
• 6:20
  Apryl: It's the same thing.
• 6:21
  Apryl: There's so much going on that it could it causes that too.
• 6:27
  Apryl: So take a deep breath.
• 6:29
  Apryl: You're not failing at managing sugar this holiday season.
• 6:34
  Apryl: Your child's brain was simply just maxed out.
• 6:38
  Brian: Yep, but don't freak out about the cupcake, it's okay.
• 6:40
  Apryl: Yeah.
• 6:41
  Apryl: I mean 12 cupcakes, maybe freak out a little, but you know, the one cupcake, it's okay.
• 6:46
  Apryl: Okay, so that's number one that sugar does not cause hyperactivity.
• 6:52
  Apryl: Myth number two.
• 6:54
  Apryl: This is the one that sounds so beautiful, magical, cozy, and absolutely wrecks ADHD families every single year.
• 7:04
  Apryl: Brian, do you want to tell us what it is?
• 7:06
  Brian: Yes, this is the holiday break, and it being a whole week of relaxing with no school and no deadlines.
• 7:14
  Brian: And this is gonna be, in theory, your reset where oh, you got your break and now you're ready to go back to school and hit it, hit the ground running.
• 7:24
  Apryl: It's gonna fix everything.
• 7:25
  Apryl: We're just gonna have a break from school and everything's gonna be fixed.
• 7:29
  Apryl: No.
• 7:30
  Brian: Yes.
• 7:30
  Brian: But here's the thing with the ADHD brain: it does not recharge in silence and open space.
• 7:38
  Brian: This causes dysregulation.
• 7:40
  Brian: So they go on a break and they fall out of their habits and they fall out of this structure, and then they go back and they're like, Oh, you want me to do what?
• 7:51
  Brian: You want me to now pay attention and read this book and sit quietly?
• 7:55
  Brian: Uh no.
• 7:56
  Brian: Yeah, I've been having the opposite and having this dopamine stimulation for weeks on end.
• 8:02
  Brian: I don't wanna I don't want to sit and read the book.
• 8:05
  Apryl: Yeah, and parents will tell us constantly, like, my kid went back to school after break more explosive than ever.
• 8:12
  Apryl: And it's because they've just been, you know, they haven't had that structure, they haven't had all of that scaffolding in place to help them the last two weeks, three weeks, depending on how long your break is.
• 8:26
  Brian: Yep.
• 8:27
  Brian: The psych world goes crazy right after school starts and right after the holiday breaks.
• 8:34
  Brian: Everybody has to go see the doctor, everybody ends up in the hospital, like whatever it is.
• 8:38
  Brian: All the psych problems exacerbate right after these events.
• 8:43
  Apryl: Yeah, that's super interesting.
• 8:45
  Apryl: That's I always know, like, oh, Brian's gonna be home late.
• 8:49
  Apryl: Get school started.
• 8:50
  Apryl: Yeah, or summer heads and it's gonna be chill and everything's gonna be good.
• 8:53
  Brian: School starts, yes.
• 8:54
  Apryl: Yep.
• 8:55
  Brian: So there's a neuroscientific reason for us to not have the calm after the holidays.
• 9:02
  Brian: And that's that the ADHD brain relies on this external scaffolding.
• 9:07
  Brian: These are the routines, these are the transitions, and these are these predictable sequences where we condition ourselves to follow these patterns, but you remove those, and all of a sudden the prefrontal cortex can't relax, it can't fall into the patterns of, oh, I do this and then do this, and I can use what attention span I do have in a good productive way.
• 9:29
  Brian: Instead, it's just trying to recreate this structure and it's exhausting.
• 9:34
  Apryl: Yeah, it goes back to the episode one, which was actually episode 13, but episode one of this series is the scaffolding has now been taken down, and so that's where the holiday meltdowns come from.
• 9:47
  Apryl: But this is this is what causes that holiday unraveling.
• 9:51
  Apryl: The boredom, the restlessness, the impulsive behavior, the whining, the emotional crashes.
• 9:57
  Apryl: We know that like if if our ADHD kids get bored, they're looking for those dopamine hits.
• 10:04
  Apryl: So they're gonna be, you know, bugging the cat, bugging the dog, bugging their siblings, doing all these things, and it just, you know, causes all the chaos.
• 10:13
  Brian: This isn't your child being spoiled or dramatic or anything like that.
• 10:16
  Brian: This unstructured time ramps up the dopamine-seeking behavior.
• 10:21
  Brian: And so instead of being like, oh, I need to do this and then this and this, it doesn't know what to do, and so then it's gonna look for whatever gives the most stimulation.
• 10:30
  Apryl: Yeah.
• 10:30
  Apryl: So a week of nothing doesn't refresh our kids, it actually overwhelms them.
• 10:36
  Brian: Right.
• 10:36
  Brian: And so what do we do about this?
• 10:39
  Brian: Well, really what we do is we don't blame ourselves.
• 10:42
  Brian: It's you didn't do anything wrong, and your child isn't misbehaving.
• 10:46
  Brian: So you can't just say, you know, what's wrong with you?
• 10:49
  Brian: What's going on right now?
• 10:50
  Brian: This is your structure just broke down, and now you're trying to get through the holidays with the structure being broken.
• 10:59
  Apryl: Yeah.
• 11:00
  Apryl: And this is actually exactly what we talked about in the last episode, the 10-minute reset from episode two.
• 11:05
  Apryl: It works so well for this, and it's structure doesn't ruin the holidays, the structure actually saves them.
• 11:13
  Apryl: So if you go back and listen to that episode, we talk about, you know, how to keep structure in place.
• 11:18
  Apryl: It does not obviously it's not even it's not possible for even to look the same because your kids aren't gonna be going to school and all that stuff, but you can put structure in place.
• 11:28
  Apryl: So structure is not going to ruin your holidays.
• 11:31
  Apryl: Your kiddos, especially your ADHD kiddos, don't need all that free time.
• 11:37
  Apryl: They actually do need that structure.
• 11:38
  Apryl: So now let's talk about the big one, myth number three, the one almost every parent wonders about at some point.
• 11:47
  Apryl: Should we skip ADHD meds on holiday breaks?
• 11:53
  Brian: So this actually came up recently at the ADHD conference.
• 11:57
  Brian: So if you're there, you've heard this.
• 11:59
  Brian: There's a really big eye roll from the therapy, the ADHD coaching, the psychiatry community on medication holidays or stopping the meds.
• 12:11
  Brian: These meds are not performance-enhancing drugs for school.
• 12:14
  Brian: These meds are required for your child to maintain function.
• 12:19
  Brian: And so the ADHD does not, it's not a light switch of, oh, you're in school, now you have ADHD, oh, you're home, you no longer have ADHD.
• 12:29
  Brian: This occurs 24-7, and it's showing up in the friendships, in family gatherings, uh, with sensory overwhelm, with your transitions, with your emotional regulation.
• 12:42
  Brian: And so when you remove the medication, you're removing that one piece that's helping hold them together during the holidays.
• 12:49
  Brian: And so now you went from structure plus your meds to no structure, no meds, and it's that causes chaos.
• 12:58
  Apryl: Yeah, it's literally the most like demanding season for our kids to try to, you know, their brains trying to figure it all out.
• 13:06
  Apryl: So we're talking no structure, no scaffolding, and now no neurochemical support on top of it.
• 13:13
  Brian: Yeah.
• 13:13
  Brian: And so the whole reason for these med holidays, in theory, the whole reason these came about was concerned that when the when the meds first started being used that they were going to cause a growth deficit.
• 13:26
  Brian: That's since been proven false.
• 13:28
  Brian: So there's no benefit to not giving these medications.
• 13:31
  Brian: There's nothing that happens in your brain that these breaks benefit it or in your body.
• 13:37
  Apryl: Yeah, there the keynote speaker of the International ADHD conference spoke a lot on this and talked about that too.
• 13:48
  Apryl: Like there is no like the data has proven that they're like the growth and all of that stuff is pretty much mitigated.
• 13:57
  Apryl: Like we do not need to be worrying about this.
• 14:00
  Brian: So this is another future podcast, but ADHD meds help prevent car accidents, they help maintain friendships.
• 14:08
  Brian: There's so many things more than school.
• 14:10
  Apryl: Well, and even home relationships.
• 14:13
  Brian: Home relationships.
• 14:14
  Apryl: And I think I think what sometimes I think as parents, why we feel like, oh, we should give our kids a break.
• 14:22
  Apryl: Because I think again comes along with medicating our kids.
• 14:26
  Apryl: We feel guilty for medicating them.
• 14:28
  Apryl: So then it's like, oh, well, we're on holiday, so I don't need to medicate them.
• 14:32
  Apryl: And so then you don't feel guilty.
• 14:35
  Brian: Right.
• 14:35
  Brian: And I mean we've already talked about this, but there's no reason to feel guilty.
• 14:39
  Apryl: Yeah, exactly.
• 14:40
  Apryl: Go back to I think it's episode number three.
• 14:42
  Apryl: There is no reason to feel guilty.
• 14:44
  Apryl: But I want to say too, when how do you feel at the end of the day when your child hasn't been medicated?
• 14:52
  Apryl: You've been with them all day long because now they're home from school, you've yelled at them, reminded them, told them to quit bugging their siblings and all the things, how do you feel at the end of the the day then?
• 15:07
  Apryl: Like, for me, I would feel extremely guilty.
• 15:12
  Apryl: More guilty than had I given the medicine, because then giving the medicine isn't like ruining a relationship where what all day long I'm on them to like stop it, stop it, don't do that, do this.
• 15:23
  Apryl: Hey, have you done this yet?
• 15:25
  Apryl: That is building a wall between us.
• 15:28
  Brian: Yeah.
• 15:29
  Brian: Yep.
• 15:29
  Brian: And so the ADHD meds, they're not just for school.
• 15:33
  Brian: These regulate emotions, they manage sensory input, they reduce impulsivity, which I mean is half the reason that these kids got put them on the on them in the first place.
• 15:44
  Brian: They support the social interactions.
• 15:46
  Brian: We talked about this, that ADHD kids often struggle with social interactions.
• 15:51
  Brian: That was another one that came up from the ADHD uh conference.
• 15:56
  Brian: 70% of third graders don't have a reciprocal friend of third graders with ADHD.
• 16:02
  Brian: And so these holidays require all these things.
• 16:06
  Brian: There's gonna be a lot of social interactions, there's gonna be a lot of attempts to s to reduce this impulsivity of you know presence under the tree and everything else.
• 16:15
  Brian: There's gonna be a lot of emotions happening from other people, and you need to manage these.
• 16:20
  Brian: And the one, the one like outside support we can really give our kids that's a guarantee, is handing them that medication.
• 16:28
  Brian: And so why are we not doing that?
• 16:30
  Apryl: Yeah.
• 16:30
  Apryl: They don't need a holiday from their medication, and you don't need to feel guilty for giving them medication during the holidays.
• 16:36
  Apryl: So if your child crashes after a family event or melts down more when cousins visit or struggles with transitions while traveling, that's not misbehavior.
• 16:46
  Apryl: That's the brain without the support that it's typically relying on that medication.
• 16:52
  Brian: Yep.
• 16:53
  Brian: And I mean, I know we've talked about this to no end, but talk to your doctors about these medications.
• 16:59
  Brian: And I will just tell you that if you're if your doctor's saying that they need a break for some reason that's outdated science and and it they do not need a medication break.
• 17:12
  Apryl: Yes, definitely always talk to your doctor.
• 17:14
  Apryl: Anytime you're doing anything with medication, you need to talk to your doctor about it.
• 17:18
  Apryl: But our children thrive when their brains have the tools they need, not just when school is in session every single day.
• 17:25
  Apryl: You know, it's like I m uh ADHD medication is always compared to like glasses, right?
• 17:32
  Apryl: Like if your kid had glasses, would you be like, oh, it's holiday break?
• 17:36
  Apryl: You don't need to see the board take your glasses off.
• 17:39
  Apryl: You wouldn't do it.
• 17:41
  Apryl: And the same thing is here.
• 17:43
  Apryl: We your kid needs this to be the best they can be.
• 17:46
  Apryl: So let them have it.
• 17:47
  Apryl: It's a tool that they're using.
• 17:49
  Apryl: So let's recap.
• 17:50
  Apryl: You have been operating under myths that have been making the holidays harder.
• 17:56
  Apryl: You're not failing at holiday parenting.
• 17:58
  Apryl: You've just been living under these myths.
• 18:01
  Brian: Yes.
• 18:01
  Brian: Number one, sugar is not the villain.
• 18:04
  Brian: It it is not the source of the holiday anguish and everything else.
• 18:09
  Apryl: And hyperactivity.
• 18:10
  Apryl: No.
• 18:10
  Brian: And hyperactivity.
• 18:11
  Brian: You need to pick and choose those battles, but if the battle's over a cupcake, maybe it's maybe it's okay.
• 18:16
  Brian: Uh number two, unstructured time does not reset the ADHD brain.
• 18:22
  Brian: I get where this idea comes from of we just need a break.
• 18:26
  Brian: This is not a break.
• 18:27
  Brian: This is this is chaos.
• 18:29
  Brian: This is the train going off the tracks, and the train does better when it's on the tracks.
• 18:33
  Apryl: And go back to episode um 13, which is episode number one.
• 18:38
  Apryl: It says one of five in the holidays, and it'll it'll cover this.
• 18:42
  Brian: Yep.
• 18:43
  Brian: Yep.
• 18:43
  Brian: And number three, the medication holidays, these these don't make things easier.
• 18:49
  Brian: These, I mean, I'm telling you what.
• 18:52
  Apryl: It makes it harder for the whole family, let's be honest.
• 18:54
  Apryl: And your little your little kiddo is with ADHD is struggling.
• 18:59
  Apryl: They're not trying to be naughty.
• 19:00
  Apryl: They are just doing what their ADHD brain does.
• 19:03
  Brian: The medication holiday is not for your child, it is for your own guilt.
• 19:07
  Brian: And it shouldn't exist.
• 19:09
  Apryl: Yep.
• 19:10
  Brian: Treat your guilt with your own therapy visits, not by stopping your kids' meds.
• 19:14
  Apryl: Mic drop.
• 19:15
  Brian: Mic drop.
• 19:17
  Apryl: So, so those three things, knowing those myths, that is going to help you.
• 19:24
  Apryl: Now that you know the truth, hopefully that'll help make your holidays a little bit smoother and a little bit less stressful.
• 19:32
  Apryl: And you don't have to feel guilty.
• 19:35
  Apryl: You don't have to feel guilty for giving the sugar, you don't have to feel guilty for structuring your kids' time, and you don't have to feel guilty for giving them medicine over the holidays.
• 19:44
  Apryl: All right, next week we'll be diving in with another holiday episode.
• 19:49
  Apryl: Um, and if you are looking for something to keep your kids calm and quiet, the whole family, I promise your whole family will love these, coloring tablecloths.
• 20:02
  Apryl: We just had one at Thanksgiving.
• 20:04
  Apryl: It was super fun.
• 20:05
  Apryl: All of us colored.
• 20:06
  Apryl: We colored while we were at the dinner table.
• 20:08
  Apryl: One thing that um I did the day like that Thanksgiving break started, the night before, I laid the coloring tablecloth on the table, had crayons out.
• 20:20
  Apryl: So when my daughter woke up, guess what she did?
• 20:22
  Apryl: She just woke up and started coloring, and it was a calm, peaceful morning.
• 20:26
  Apryl: So if you want to get a coloring tablecloth, we have a deal for you.
• 20:32
  Apryl: You can get them 20% off.
• 20:34
  Apryl: Use code color and go to creativecrayons.co, use code color and get that discount, and the link will be in the show notes as well.
• 20:43
  Apryl: So we will see you next week, same time, same place.
• 20:46
  Brian: Thanks so much for joining us for today's conversation on raising ADHD.
• 20:50
  Brian: Remember, raising ADHD kids doesn't have to feel overwhelming.
• 20:53
  Brian: Small shifts can make a big difference.
• 20:55
  Brian: If you found this episode helpful, it would mean the world if you would hit subscribe, if you would leave a review, or if you shared it with another parent or teacher who needs this support.
• 21:05
  Brian: And don't forget to join us next week for more real talk, practical tips, and encouragement.
• 21:09
  Brian: Until then, you've got this, and we've got your back.