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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just -The Essential Balance of Humility and Relevance 2.17.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  139 which is a new chapter, very important chapter just to close
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  out the last few days or weeks is that he told us there's such
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  a thing becoming a Hasid, actually months.
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  So then you think me a Hasid, A Hasid is a person who is very
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  dedicated in all areas of being a Jew and he can shoot 1.
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  He could take one that you may want about the sale, about
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  Hashem serving Hashem. One way or another.
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  He dedicated and he said there are two things in person.
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  He says no. Once they adopt that mindset #1
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  they need to have the proper balance, which means you can't
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  do anything that's dangerous, anything that's going to have a
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  negative impact from the people around you just because you're
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  trying to be heavily dedicated, to be careful, understood.
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  And secondly, the only way to acquire that classy do to one of
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  the main ways is to keep your mind clear.
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  If your mind is healthy and clear, not worried, not nervous,
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  not to involve luxuries as well. Yvonne is here and present, not
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  looking for that because it's worry or looking for the other
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  thing because he likes luxuries you like.
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  Every day you're settled. Every day you have a far greater
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  opportunity and ability to grow person who's grounded, a person
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  who's not so worried equally also not so busy with luxuries
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  and these things. So luxuries you can understand
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  he's on to the next. He's always focusing on that and
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  that takes him his dedication or you're from Jewish dedication
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  because he's got luxury dedication right now.
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  It comes to worries. We can understand as well.
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  If his mind is busy with these nerves and these different
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  concerns that he has, he cannot be present, he can't focus.
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  And if we can't grow, so you need to have at its core and
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  you're here, you're not looking to the next thing and you're not
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  lacking something in your mind now, then you can become a
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  person. And next step for a person and
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  the bridge from one to the other, surprise him is medat
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  anava. Medat anava is unity.
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  Now, humility is the top character trait a person can
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  have. We understand that.
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  It's also one of the most misunderstood character traits.
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  We understand that too. And why do I say it's
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  misunderstood? Because as you'll see, you know,
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  people, I know people who in their mind, they think the most
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  humble person around, you know, we talk about good character
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  traits. Everyone thinks in their mind
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  that they check all the boxes. Everyone thinks that there's
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  load of anger, that they're patient, that they're humble,
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  that they're soft. You know, I happened to fight
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  with so and so because they romed me and I've been to get
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  angry all the time because people get me nervous all the
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  time and all these different perspectives and I'm very
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  humble. I just don't like when someone
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  disrespects me, right, That's cool.
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  In my humble opinion. Speaking of humble, that's
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  cooled mine to have. You can't get eat it too.
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  Exactly. That means you want to a person
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  wants for others to be impressed by them, which is in a sense
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  arrogance, but at the same time, he wants you mood.
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  In fact, the greatest Val Gava, as we saw earlier in the book,
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  the greatest, most arrogant person is the person who tries
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  to create a humble image, which means the person walks head bend
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  down and looks behind him to make sure everyone sees that.
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  He walks head bend down. And he's really a slow key guy,
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  that person trying to create a humble image.
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  He's so arrogant that he even wants the credit for being
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  humble. The father.
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  The father goes, and it sounds so backward.
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  You don't imagine such a person that exists like that.
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  There are such people out there because every person at its
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  core, no one's really arrogant, at least got people on the
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  arrogant. What they are is they need to be
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  relevant. And if you need to be relevant,
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  often times rather than means everyone in the room knows your
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  name and if they're impressed by you, you're more relevant.
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  And if they're wowed by you, even more relevant.
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  And if they just like shaking your presence right and you're
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  super relevant. So that creates the arrogant
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  head the need to be present to be rather they need to be
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  relevant. So really it's a dangerous,
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  actually slippery slope. And the opposite is to be
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  humble. To be really humble, as we'll
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  see, is to be a person who does not care what other people have
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  to say about him, isn't trying to find out from, as they say,
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  read the Whit school clippings, read the newspaper clippings
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  about himself. He's not reading what they say
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  about him. He's not trying to create an
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  image that he, you know, perfectly carves out to make him
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  look the best. All that is our anything, where
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  a person is busy with themselves and how they reflect and how
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  they look, how people talk about them, how they seem to others.
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  All part of the theme and the family of arguments.
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  Because what it means is that we're too focused on being
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  relevant. And sadly, relevance and
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  arrogance quadratically hand in hand.
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  And humility is accepting the idea of not being relevant.
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  Who's really humble? The people who you don't know
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  the name. Those are the people or the
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  people who somehow, someway, you know the name, but they
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  literally can care less. They act the exact same way
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  among the simple as they do among duality.
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  They act the exact same way in a one-on-one as they do in the
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  crowd. This and that is real humble and
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  very hard to come by. And it's also, I was going to
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  say it's hard. It's harder to find now.
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  It's very hard to find now. And we'll talk why in a second.
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  And there's an obvious reason why.
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  And on top of it, it's also something where a regular good
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  guy can easily lose himself in this area.
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  You know, most traits, you're not even going from being a calm
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  guy to being an angry guy overnight.
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  You're not going to go from being a very, you know, peaceful
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  person to be around to be a very frustrated person or these
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  different traits that people have.
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  But a person that's, that's part of your DNA a little bit, that's
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  part of your mood. It's part of your makeup.
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  And, you know, we all have to fight different anger of things,
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  different control of things. Arrogance is something that a
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  great guy who grew up in a very simple background, who always
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  spoke about the fact that he loves humility.
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  He can lose himself. And again, they're becoming the
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  most arrogant man. The classy examples in the
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  extreme way are outside our faith, outside our people and
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  the world, the stars, right? You look at these people, look
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  at their backgrounds and you know that they were very nice in
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  the rookie year, very nice in the rookie year.
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  The first movie they made, they were journalists.
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  They were sweet. They gave the the news reporter
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  the time of day. Well, that's true.
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  Then what happened, what happened is they started to hear
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  what everyone says about them. I mean, before you know it,
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  before you know it, they started to get crazy when someone
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  doesn't treat them with the respect that they got somewhere
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  else. And now 10 years later, they're
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  giving their opinion and oh, forget it.
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  Then they have the political opinion and get it and they
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  believe it makes sense. Why does it make sense?
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  What is juggling a ball? No offense, just not a racist
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  comment. What is juggling a ball?
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  Anything to do with your opinion?
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  Politics. Same way.
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  Honestly speaking, both his people in a certain sense was a
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  rabbi. His position have anything to do
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  with the political statement. If it's plainly political, if it
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  directly relates to what I understand, it relates to best
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  who I understand. But if it's got nothing to do
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  with each other, whereas I come in, the answer is it came to the
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  head. When it got to the head, I
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  started to believe that I am what they say I am.
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  And that's a very dangerous road to go down because the rest of
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  their life they spend, the rest of life they spend like a door
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  they spend trying to keep that frame of mind in life.
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  And it goes from, hey, it was cute.
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  They gave me a lot of respect somewhere I was nice.
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  I don't think I'm that type. I walk in and they all stood up
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  or they all gave me fine, great. Till the next time.
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  How they not do it, how they don't know what I am with it.
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  They don't know what I'm at home.
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  And this is how our world goes. And what a person needs to do
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  and this is real, is figure out a way to remain humble.
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  That means check yourself in the mirror all the time and say,
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  Hey, son, am I that guy? Am I becoming that guy who I
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  don't like anymore 'cause my friend used to be a good friend
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  and then he's now difficult to be around?
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  Am I the president that looks and says to himself, how much
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  are people talking about me today and how much we visit?
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  And you think it's crazy? It's a very normal reality for
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  good, solid, healthy people without a border.
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  That's who's telling I'll. See a little bit inside as a fit
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  of like leadership. Like one times you got to be a
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  leader. Can't be humble.
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  Good. So it's a very hard question,
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  honestly. And you take from the greatest
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  lead of all time, Moshe La Beno, and he said to yourself, Moshe
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  La Beno was very humble, also very confident.
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  I've spoken about this in the past when I feel the concepts.
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  And Moshe, the most humble man to ever live, also was maybe the
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  most confident man to ever live eventually where he made three
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  decisions that God only agreed with after the fact.
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  He delayed Matantura, he delayed it one day he threw down the
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  little hot to to break them and there's a third one.
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  I'm not sure if that's fighting with Hashem when it come in
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  prayer when it comes to Hashem wanted to punish us.
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  I forgot what the third one is, but he made major decisions up
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  against Hashem in a sense whatever wait if Hashem to agree
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  after the fact, which indicates great confidence, but he's the
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  most humble man that ever lived beyond that understanding and
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  that's what a real leader does. They know when they need to
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  step, but not about me. Well sure, I've been just to
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  your point. Dave was pipe.
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  He was called a senior. What does it seem?
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  What I mean? It's not him.
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  A pipe is a piece of metal, piece of plastic, and something
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  runs through. It's got nothing to do with him.
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  Where Cher perceived himself in all his gifts as a pipe.
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  If I'm a pipe, all I have is the person who was placed in this
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  role, who's got some work to do. If you internalize that enough,
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  you remain come, you remain humbly.
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  Ring yourself. This is a very grave risk.
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  I'm telling you from personal experience.
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  It's easily easily you can get the bite.
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  I call it the bike, which is you can get the bite.
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  We get the bug from the mindset that if I had a big deal here, I
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  have to be a big deal everywhere.
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  And now I can't sit in the back of the shoe in a different town
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  in Cincinnati. Why not?
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  Because you're a rabbi in Brooklyn, NY.
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  What's going to do with this thing?
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  Nothing. But in the back of my mind, this
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  is part of the makeup and this goes on and on and on.
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  And now I can't be this how people think.
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  Now I'm a little bit annoying husband because you know, you
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  come up the wife and and she's treating her husband, which
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  thank God, the wives treat us like human beings, which has the
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  ups and downs. And now this guy is ends up.
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  Do you know what they say about me and that thing, you know, how
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  many people will say my name? What does that do with your
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  marriage? Zero.
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  He's a legend in his own life. Exactly.
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  And by the way, a lot of them and it's to David's point and
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  how much we're going to do inside.
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  But to David's point, and he said also, I keep, which is how
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  it's getting worse today. The reason it's getting worse
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  today because you have so many different areas and avenues of
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  arrogance, which means if people know your name more, because
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  they do, because of all the online, if people talk about
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  you, more people go wild by you, more people that are more
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  gullible. All these things are are in
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  effect today. And because of that, so we read
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  those news clippings and we believe in the hits that we get
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  and the followers and the people making a big deal about us.
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  By the way, let's be very real before you get too busy with
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  yourself, there are 1000 other guys that are also a big deal
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  today, right? And there are 1,000,000, 1/2
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  influencers who have 200 followers and on, on, on, on X,
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  right? And what are they worth?
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  Their influences? The essence of an influencer is
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  a zero. He's a guy whose job is to make
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  noise. So before you get too busy with
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  yourself and say how many followers, you have to remember
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  there's a singer out there in the world who has 20 million
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  followers, right? And everyone's got more million
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  followers. And how many 100 million people
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  watch the Super Bowl? So before you get too busy with
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  the fact that you're a big dealer, remember numbers are
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  numbers. They pick up speed, they pick up
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  by people and it doesn't guarantee that you are actually
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  a big deal. And if you are, it's a God-given
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  talent. So the thing comes up even more.
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  That's the reality. That's a full circle of humble.
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  First of all, we are at risk of becoming arrogant by the big
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  deal that were made into in any fashion there being business in
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  shoe, in the community, in the Jewish world, in the overall
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  world. There's a way there's an angle
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  to make you arrogant. By the way, any person has a
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  capability. It's true.
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  As a leader in the leadership position, you're more at risk.
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  That's true. Hey, definitely true.
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  And a person therefore has to have a very real mindset.
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  I tell you, I have a couple of troops on my sleeve that I try
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  to keep me out of Bay. I don't know.
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  I don't know if it's working. I don't know what's the work to
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  do, but I have a couple of tricks on my sleeve.
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  One of them is, is that when I go to where I learned, I'm a
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  regular guy, 100% a regular guy. And you're based, you're judge
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  based on how well you can learn. And how old were you there?
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  So that means if you're missing a month or if you're missing you
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  late every day, then you're not the best guy.
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  Yeah, but you're Best Buy back home.
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  What does that do? Anything in the real world not
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  guaranteed to be the best guy. And that keeps you some more
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  grounded. I hope it does.
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  And there are other things that people can do to keep those
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  grounds, but they have to be very careful not to be busy to
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  publicity. It eats out of you.
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  It gives you the bug. I mean, before you know it, you
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  were this like, you know, a simple person that people love
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  because of your simplicity. And before you know it, you
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  lose, you drop that element of you.
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  And now you just another diva, another wide receiver in the
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  NFL, another one of these guys that's too good for himself.
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  And he's talking about himself all day.
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  And we know all he needs is 1 tornado CEO, that wide receiver
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  and he's on the sidelines. Nobody cares at all what he has
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  to say, right? All we need is them to retire
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  and then to be out of the league five years and no one really
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  gives too much as what they have to say.
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  No one really cares. And that is an indication as to
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  how fake arrogance is. It's built by outsiders.
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  It's not built by your reality. If your arrogance comes from
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  your genuine, you know, can I just Hashem and can you change
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  your mind? By the way, you won't be
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  arrogant. It won't happen.
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  And second of all, call a couple.
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  I can see that I got the outdoor that feels secure and confident
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  in his way of thinking and way of of answering questions.
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  I can, I can I can understand that because you spend so much
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  time in Minnesota. By the way, they never did that
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  ever. They never any real Hashu person
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  has zero or has very little degree of arrogance.
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  If they do, the more arrogant they are, the more upset they
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  get. The more busy with Cavoir they
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  are, the more is an indication that they've been too busy with
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  the fake stuff and too little with the genuine stuff.
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  And that's really our job in life is to remain that beautiful
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  like a boy. You lose hand, you lose
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  likability, you lose friends, you lose the ability to be a
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  decent husband and a good father.
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  The moment you start to believe what they say about you.
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  So that's great. Let's be great.
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  That's become a very big deal. But at the same time, let's
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  remain the exact same person. When you see your friends from
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  high school, right? 30 years, 40 years, 50 years
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  later, you wanted to be and they don't feel uncomfortable in your
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  presence. They don't like, oh, wow, this
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  guy used to be chill. That guy used to have fun with
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  him. Now he talks slow.
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  Now every other sentence he says, I, I don't want that guy.
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  I want the guy to remain the exact I want the guy to remain
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  the exact same person. And that's real humility.
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  OK, what's up with this?