Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Can A 25 Year Age Gap Work… Even If It Didn’t The First Time Around?

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Can A 25 Year Age Gap Work… Even If It Didn’t The First Time Around? · I Do, Part 2

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hey there, folks. It is Thursday, September fourth, and we
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: have to admit we were a little surprised and taken
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: aback by a lot of reader's reaction to our ask
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Amy and TJ Yahoo advice column for this week and
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: welcome to this ask Amy and TJ audition of our
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Amy and TJ podcast and robes. This had to do,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: at least the person that wrote in, had to do
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: with age gaps in relationships. Who knew that this was
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: something that really struck.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: A nerve with the right because people seem to have
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: very strong opinions, and oftentimes I was under the impression
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: and maybe this is just a sampling with people who
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: wrote in, but most people tend to be skeptical of
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: a major age gap because they're concerned about just all
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: the obvious things that would Relationships are hard enough, putting
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: a huge age gap between two folks makes it even harder.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: So I would have thought that most people would be
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: discouraging this young woman, Cassie, from trying to start again
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: with a man who's twenty five years for senior. But
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: I actually read a lot of very different comments than
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: I was expecting, you know.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: And a lot of when you talk about age gaps.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Age gaps, you called it experience gaps or.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Yes, right, I think it's I think that's a good
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: way to put it, because people are young at hard
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: and old souls and you can find a lot of commonalities,
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: but a lot of the issues arise when you have
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: an experience gap, and there can be a power gap.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Then that ensues in her dynamic, We're going to read
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: the full question at least from our reader, but I
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: think most of the concern often times comes when the
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: gap has to do with someone who was not just younger,
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: but eighteen nineteen twenty dating somebody who was fifty sixty seven.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: You look at that experience gap. I think if you
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: talk about it adults who are I don't know, a
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: thirty year old and a fifty year old or a
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: sixty five year old, that it feels like two adults
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: still making a decision.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Once you've had a experiences enough that you can go
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: into a relationship with that wisdom. I think that's a
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: completely different conversation. And this is interesting the reader who
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: wrote in Cassie she did have the experience when she
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: was young, a freshman in college, and then after that
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: attempt at a relationship with a major age gap ended,
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: she's now considering restarting it thirteen years later. So now
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: she is almost forty, and so now she is a
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: bona fide grown up, and so it is different, and
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: so should we just go ahead and read the question
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: to refresh? If you all didn't remember, you didn't get
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: a chance to read the column. Here is what Cassie
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: wrote to us Amy and TJ. When I was a
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: freshman in college, I fell in love with a man
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: twenty five years older than me. The connection was unshakable,
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: but I was young and he was newly divorced, co
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: parenting eight kids. It didn't work. I love that she
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: didn't need to make an explanation as to why it
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: didn't work. It's been thirteen years. I'm about to turn forty,
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: and he stepped back into my life. I think we've
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: both grown a lot and might be ready for a
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: real relationship. He worries that my parents and friends won't approve,
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: but I don't want to crowdsource my relationship. If we
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: try again, will it be the same old story or
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: could it be for real this time?
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Cassie, Yeah, it could be for real. I think we
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: ultimately gave essentially warnings right heads up about this, it's
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: up about that. The concern was that she was so young,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: and what did they have in common at that time?
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: And yes, things are different now, but it was essentially
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: a go for it with caution, Yes, with an open
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: mind to what your challenges are going to be. But
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: we're grown folks. Life is too short.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, at this point, I feel like she doesn't have
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: a lot to lose, in the sense that she's had
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: the experiences on her own, doing her own thing, and
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: now she's come back and maybe perhaps that connection a
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: lot of connections, It might be real, but it might
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: not be the right time, and so maybe it is now.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: And I just felt like it couldn't hurt to try.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: And you again, if anybody's been listening to these, you know,
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: that is the one that usually goes through all of
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: the reader comments and the theme the first thing I
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: always ask you, did you get more men than women
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: this time?
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: I definitely, you know what, I actually put a nice
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: mix of men and women, But still I saw a
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: lot of men. I actually some of them were so
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: similar about age gaps, all kind of saying the same thing,
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: expressing the same experiences that I actually kind of had
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: to just pick among the many men who all said
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: and felt the same thing.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: Can I ask, then, did you notice any theme that women,
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: I guess were less enthusiastic about age gap relationships and
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: about this question or was it still split?
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: I think it.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: I think a lot of most people were for the
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: age gap. Yeah, I mean that was really that really
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: took me back. So I'll all jump in with and
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: some of these folks, I don't know if they're men
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: or women. Sneed Maker is one of them. I don't know,
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: but this is what sneed Maker said, and this was.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: One of the skeptical reas.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: If you have to seek advice, then that is a
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: red flag for me.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: What is the concern?
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: If they are both comfortable with the age difference, both
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: understand and accept their roles, and see the same future
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: for themselves, why question it?
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, I can understand two degree, but I think it's
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: healthy to question any relationship if be the same age.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter where you are. Of course, you should
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: have a little level of skepticism and always seek counsel
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: from people you trust. Maybe you don't write into Yahoo
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: dot com, But I think it's always good to seek
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: some counsel.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: I don't know anyone who, regardless of age difference, who
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: isn't or who is completely sure, is completely comfortable and
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: how they feel and how they view their relationship. Most
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: people want to ask whether it's a therapist, your mom,
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: your best friend, your sister. Isn't that what we go
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: in because love can be blind sometimes, and sometimes people
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: who love us can see things more objectively, or people
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: who actually I don't even know us can see things
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: more objectively because you're not looking at things through emotion.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: You're actually looking at facts versus feelings. And I do
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: think that it's I think it's I applaud Cassie and
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: other people who are willing to be vulnerable and say,
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: what do you think. I think that's healthy. But sneaed
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: Meeker thinks it's a red flag all right. Jane Jane
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: writes in and says this, I'm assuming children are not
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: in the picture for you. You would have stepchildren and grandchildren,
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: so that might work. If you still have lots of
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: things in common, then I say go for it. You
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: might have to end up taking care of him health
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: wise sooner than you had hoped for, but that can
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: happen in any relationship.
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: I thought that was such a good point.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: That was very practical, to look at what you're like.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: It had none to do with love and feeling. This
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: is practical. This is what your challenges. These are what
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: it's going to be, and you have to consider that.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: And she didn't mention. I think about a forty year
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: old woman. Maybe she never wanted to have kids, maybe
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: she does have kids. Who knows.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: I feel like she would have mentioned that because that
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: would have been a complicating factor.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: It's a issue.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, by the mere fact that she chose not to
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: even acknowledge it or talk about it, it seems like that
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: isn't a sticking point. I question that as well when
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: we were reading through it. But he does have eight
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: children with another woman, so there will still be lots
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: of family. Hopefully he's got a good relationship with them,
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: and hopefully they can come around to her. She didn't
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: really explain if that was an issue at the time.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: Seems like it might have been the fact that she
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: put it in there initially that he was co parenting
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: eight children after being recently divorced. So they're all grown
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: now and potentially around the same age as her, So
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: you know, it's one of those things where that could
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: still be a big, full.
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: Beautiful family.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: You don't have to give birth to children to enjoy
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: them and experience them and have them be a big
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: part of your life.
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: So I thought that was really good.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: And the thing about taking care of someone, Yeah, someone
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: can get in an accident, someone can get sick, someone
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: can get cancer.
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: You never know. And that's love is not about that.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: It's about knowing when you go into it that it's
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: about taking care of another regardless.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: And she knows she's going to have to look sixty.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: He's sixty five now, it would be.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: Somewhere around there. Yeah, that would make sense.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: I mean a forty year old woman forty five, fifty
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: fifty plus. I mean, you keep going. And they were
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: very active fault. When you think about a guy in
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: the next ten years, he's going to be seventy five
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: or eighty. Fine, you can be, but generally speaking, they're
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: not as acting.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: No, And someone actually several people wrote in and was
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: actually doing the numbers game.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: So just think about it.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: When you're fifty, he's going to be seventy five. How's
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: that going to feel? It might feel fine when you're
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: forty and he's sixty five. What about when you were
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: sixty and he's eighty five. How's that going to feel?
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: Just they were just suggesting she really think about it.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: I'm sure she has, but to really actually put those
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: numbers in front of you and say, am I okay
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: with this?
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: And it might not matter to her anyway, But why
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: should that factor in? If you feel the way you feel,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: that's exactly supposed to be. Oh, something's going to happen
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: down the road. We hear, we're now and I don't know.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: The more I we've talked about this, I'm leaning more
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: into that area of go for it. My only hesitation
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: was as a parent, thinking about my daughter at eighteen
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: dating somebody that was forty three. Yeah, at the time,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: I would never get over that with this guy.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: Well, especially if the guy would be your age like
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: that would be alarming and disturbing. But we have friends
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: who were in that situation and it turned out okay.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: And you know how I think about Kathy Lee Gifford
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: and Frank Gifford. I actually got to see a little
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: bit of their relationship up close, and she talked a
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: lot about it. We would all be in the makeup
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: room at the Today Show, and she met him when
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: she was I think in her twenties and he was
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: in his fifties or forties, forties, fifties, and they had
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: a beautiful love story. From everything I could hear from
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: her and everything I saw with my own two eyes,
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: it was beautiful until the very end, and she was justugh.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: I mean when she lost him, she was devastated. So
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: that was a real love story from my vantage point.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I think from the did we or do we? If
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: you take out the college part of story, does it
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: change how you view it? Yes, it does for me too.
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: She just said, I'm forty and thinking about dating a
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: sixty three, sixty five year old guy. Okay, yeah, I
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: think something about the dynamic early on I was trying
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: to understand and it maybe it doesn't matter, but I
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: I just think about an eighteen year old girl.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that's and that is a big difference. So
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: here are now a few of the reader's comments who
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: shared their own experiences, which I think is really cool.
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: I think that makes it feel even more.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: Personal, just the fact that other people are in her
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: boat or have been in her boat and are giving advice.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: So Todd wrote in and said, I'm thirty five and
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: my girlfriend just turned fifty one. All three of her
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: kids just graduated college. We started seeing each other in
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: November of last year, and I can't tell you just
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: how happy we both are together. Neither of us come
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: from wealth. We both have our differences, including our politics.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: It took some time for us to adjust, but it
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: is worth it in my eyes. We are both we
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: both are honest with each other, and we look forward
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: to seeing what the future holds. I make her happy
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: and she makes me happy.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: Sounds like an adult. Thank you, Todd. Yes, that's what
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: it's all about. It almost sounds like their situation. It's
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: he didn't even have to mention his aide. What difference
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: does it make because take out what he said there.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Everything else is kids out of college, you see each other.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: It's just a relationship.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and even with political differences. We've had readers write
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: in about that and how that's tearing their relationship apart.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: He's like, look, it's we had to adjust, but we're
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: honest with each other and we are focused on making
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: each other happy.
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: Isn't that what it's all about?
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Well, Todd, thank you for that. But man Todd ain't
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: got nothing on Anita and Pete. Yeah, Jay, who also
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: wrote in one of them, took very very serious, heated
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: and even offensive issue with the advice that Robot and
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: I gave Cassie. You'll see which one.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: Welcome aback.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: I can't get that out of my brain. I think
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: it's going to happen at least once a week, but
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: maybe more.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: I hope more, because.
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: I'm taken aback.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: You're taking it back?
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: Why do I do that?
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: It's funny how your brain gets into patterns and then
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: I can't break out of it. Now I'm going to
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: start stressing about it. So welcome back.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Welcome back. Used to have an issue with backlash and
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: always came out as blacklash. That used to be funny too.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: I hope we can bring that one back.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: I hope that one never comes out of my mouth again.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. All right, welcome back to this edition
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: of Amy and TJ. This is our ask Amy and
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: TJ edition, but it's our favorite version of it because
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: we're talking about what you.
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: The reader wrote in.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: Under the comment section to our reader who asked us
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: a question about what she should do, and so this
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: of course was Cassie asking if she should give it
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: a try. There's a twenty five year age gap, and
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: this is round two. She's now nearly forty. Should she
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: make it worse? Could it actually work? That's kind of
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: one of the bigger questions she's asking.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: No, I have a quote. Do you have an indication
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: of how long they dated the first time?
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: Well, it must have been for a while, because some
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: readers actually put in this so it's funny. Everyone notices
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: she said she was a freshman in college when they met. Okay,
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: so that means say that means she's nineteen. Then she
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: says thirteen years later, she's almost forty. Yep, so they
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: must have been seeing each other for several several years.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: It just didn't work. But it must have gone on
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: for quite some time. If you do the math, she
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: had to have been seeing him for at least seven
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: years or so.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I have to say I did not initially factor that
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: in because all I'm thinking when she said it when
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: I was a freshman, I fell in love and that
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: was it the connection. But it didn't work. She didn't
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: say how long it went. Right Now, when you think
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: about it that way, this wasn't just an eighteen year
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: old girl. She might have been into her twenties. I
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: mean she had to have been.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: Oh if she's now almost forty and they were apart,
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: they were broken up so to speak, for thirteen years,
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: that tells you up until twenty seven, even me, Yeah,
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: she was with this guy.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: So to a lot of the argument being made and
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: the concern I certainly had, she did kind of go
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: through and have an adult relationship with him, not just
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: a kid in college.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but she's also had thirteen years on her own
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: to see what else is out there, what she wants,
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: who she is, and where she wants to be. So
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: Anita writes in my late husband was fifteen years older
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: than me and a very different generation. We met late
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: in life too. We had twenty eight years total together
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: when we married, and I retired within a few months.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: I knew I had only an unknown period of time.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: We had eleven years married. We really enjoyed those retirement
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: married years evermore, I was very, very lucky to have him.
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: That makes me like, actually get emotional.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: It's beautiful, you know we're hearing. Wow, isn't this something
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to want to single out a couple? But
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: maybe I will coach Belichick. I have no idea what's
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: going on in that relationship. But when something like that
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: comes out, what are people The first thing, the first
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: voices you hear are the loudest ones making fun and
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: making comments on Twitter, trying to get followers and doing
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: all this stuff, trying to just attack, attack, attack, when
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: we have to realize there are so many other people
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: out there who have had wonderful experiences that don't look traditional.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: What is love supposed to look like. It's supposed to
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: look like two people who fell in love in college
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: or right outside of college, that got married at a
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: beautiful ceremony, They had two kids, and they stayed together
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: and died in their late eighties surrounded by family. If
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: it doesn't look like that, you're a bad person. Nobody's
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: shit looks like that, does it.
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: It's extremely rare.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: But we hope while we hold on to that. So
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: to your point of what this woman is saying, the
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: number of people who would have attacked Belichick, but there's
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: a conversation about Belichick that another group of people are
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: having who can relate to You're living, who are living
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: and not condemning because they live something that can look different.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: It's okay.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know it's still taboo, right, age guys, absolutely.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: But I thought it was really cool.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: I was surprised at how many people came out, told
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: their stories and were in full support of her going
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: for it for those reasons from actually lived experiences, all right,
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: So Pete, Pete came out swinging. When he started out
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: with a little attack on TJ and me, he said,
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: these two don't know what they are talking about, and
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: the majority of the comments are lost in the weeds.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: I married my wife when I was twenty going on
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: twenty one and she was thirty eight. We had a
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: wonderful forty one years, four months and four days together
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: until I lost her in February of twenty fifth. Haven't
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: even thought about having a date since that time. So
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: don't tell me about an age difference being a problem
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: in a marriage.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: That's his experience, and an emotional one.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: It sounds like he's still grieving an emotional one.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: And that's okay. And so when I you know, I'm
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: always about words and how we write. It's not usually
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: what we say is how we say it. Yeah, and okay,
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: he starts out, and it set me off right immediately
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: just say what we don't know what they're talking about,
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: and that's his opinion. Who knows, he's kind of tongue
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: in cheek and saying it. But every he's even making
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: the point that I was previously making his experience. Even
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: though he was taking issue with us, he had a
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: different experience that was positive. That doesn't mean that there
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: aren't warning signs or words of caution for people who
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: do find themselves in relationships with age gaps.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: Yes, age gaps.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: And look, you could look at our relationship and say
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: an interracial relationship. So the argument people make is an
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: experience gap, but it's also making relationships which were already
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: hard hard when you have things not in common like that.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: So the same thing could be said about you and
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: me that we have such different experiences, different cultural experiences,
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: different reactions to things based.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: On how we look and how we were.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: Raised, And so why would you choose to be with
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: someone when you already have extra problems that you wouldn't
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: have if you just married someone who was your age,
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: who looked like you, who came from your same religious background,
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: who voted for the same president. And I get that,
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: but sometimes those differences are what make the relationship better
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: and sweeter and more interesting, and you learn more and
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: maybe you even like I don't want to compare, but
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: the point being, sometimes those differences can actually create a
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: spark that continues until the very end.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: And you know, a lot of people again not making
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: a direct comparison, we're not saying that, but people walking
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: down the street with those big age gaps sometimes might
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: get looks the way an interracial couple might have decades ago. Yep,
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: because you're looking at it's not common or it's taboo,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: that shouldn't be done for different reasons or whatever reasons
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: you have to think it's wrong. But yeah, so your point,
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: and right, that is still I don't care who you
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: are anywhere you go. I don't. I'm trying to think
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: of some friends we know with age gaps or something. Now,
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: there was another couple we knew they're not together anymore,
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: but still they it worked. But it's always you always
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: think about it crosses your mind. Oh when you see
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: an age gap.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: And oh, people go, is he rich? Yeah, right exactly,
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: I totally get that, all right, an age gap with us,
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: that's true, that's true.
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: I'm four and a half years older. Than you.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: People ask me all the time, you have to have money.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's funny. All right, let's move on to our
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: final reader comment. And this is short but sweet, and
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: I actually liked what he had to say. I say, he,
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: It's j Jay. I guess could be a sheet as well.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: My wife of twenty eight years was nineteen when I
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: met her, and I was a thirty eight year old divorcee.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: Seems I had to learn what not to do in
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: a marriage to finally get it right. He's just saying
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: he was divorced much like this guy, and he met
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: someone who was nineteen. They've been together for twenty eight
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: years and the marriage has worked really, really well versus.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: His other one. Maybe she was more age appropriate. It
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: didn't work.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: So he's learned just from having had a you know,
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: I hate to say failed, but a relationship that ended
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: with someone who might have been his age, and he
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: took those lessons and it's working. So however, you figure
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: out what you need to do better, differently whatever to
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: make a relationship work. The age thing he's saying wasn't
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: the issue. It was perhaps even it was him having
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: to correct some behaviors.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: You think he told his ex wife, thank you for
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: making me a better man. I'm kidding, that's always an
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: obviously you didn't say that. Well, yes, to his point
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: thirty eight and nineteen, I bet you her parents and
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: folks around her raised some eyebrows and pulled her to
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: the side and had some conversations. You just naturally do
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: that by somebody that young, And that's okay. We're not
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: saying anti this or that, but when it comes to
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: somebody seventeen, eighteen, nineteen years old, that's different type of
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: an age gap.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: Yes, even my twenty two year old recently told me
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: she went on a third date, which is a big
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: deal for her, and I said, what does he do?
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: And she told me he was he had a profession
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: upstate and anyway, it just sounded old, and I was like,
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: please tell me how old he is. And he's like,
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: don't worry, mom, he's twenty three.
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: But it's funny.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: I even started to go, wait, who is this man?
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: How old is he? Why are you seeing him? It's
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: just a it's a natural concern of a parent. I
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: have a nineteen year old, and that's okay. Can you
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: imagine Ifnnilie said she was dating a thirty eight year
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: old man.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: We'd be on the way to Colorado right now, So.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: I understand is a natural reaction, but I love hearing
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: these vantage, like being able to look back and say, hey,
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: twenty eight years later, we're still going strong. Love is love,
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: and it might not look the way you think it should,
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: but it works for us.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: And that's the only thing we're always hoot and holler about.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: I do especially just try to respect and give people
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: a little grace for that situations. You might not agree
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: with it, but you don't have to attack them for
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: not being like you, looking like you, talking like you,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: thinking like you. Yeah, it's okay, So we always really
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: this was one of the more interesting ones. But I
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: want to say thank you to the readers who have
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: been writing in and being vulnerable. They are sharing details
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: about their own stories that have helped in part of
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: the conversation robes. And this is a big one because
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: it has been a big deal lately Belichick in particular
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: YEP talking about age gaps and to see a calm,
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: reason and even loving conversation happening around the same topic
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: but just in a different environment. Now, I love it.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: Yes, sank you all yes, please. We would encourage you
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: to please check out Yahoo the Life section for our
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: Weekly Comments Comments Weekly column, and then please leave your
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: comments because we would love to feature them in our
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: next podcast with our Next Question from a Reader, which
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: again will be on Yahoo next Monday. In the meantime, though,
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: hope you'll have a great day at Amy Roebuck alongside TJ.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: Holmes.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: Thank you, as always for listening.