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The Bondage of Singleness · Pastor John Piper's answers

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  Speaker 2: Well.
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  Speaker 1: To broach the topic of singleness is to enter a
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  Speaker 1: hot debate. I know that, and you know. On the
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  Speaker 1: one side comes the argument that prolonged adult singleness today
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  Speaker 1: is only it's only selfish. It's only there to self
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  Speaker 1: protect personal freedoms, to guard career advancement, and to create
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  Speaker 1: a life of ease. Anything short of marriage is just brokenness.
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  Speaker 1: This debate isn't going away, because at least here in
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  Speaker 1: the United States, the number of unmarried women is now
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  Speaker 1: about equal to the number of married women, and the
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  Speaker 1: share of women who have never married is surging upward.
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  Speaker 1: Behind the trends, we find a web of factors is complex. Obviously,
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  Speaker 1: can't resolve it in one apj Well. One of them
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  Speaker 1: is the question over independence and the single life today.
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  Speaker 1: On Aspector John, the bondage of singleness done wrong. Amy
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  Speaker 1: in Columbus, Ohio is feeling this cultural shift herself when
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  Speaker 1: she writes this Pastor John is a thirty two year
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  Speaker 1: old woman. I am growing frustrated over how my church
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  Speaker 1: treats us singles like we are broken. Everyone assumes the
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  Speaker 1: marriage is God's ideal, But I've been reading First Crinthian seven,
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  Speaker 1: where Paul actually wishes that more people were single like him.
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  Speaker 1: Can you explain what he means about singleness providing space
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  Speaker 1: for undivided devotion to the Lord. I feel like we
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  Speaker 1: are missing something important here. Yeah, good question. And we
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  Speaker 1: happen to be in First Corinthian seven right now and
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  Speaker 1: are reading. And if you are reading the Bible for
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  Speaker 1: the first time with us, this might be a total
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  Speaker 1: surprise to you as we read this section. To read
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  Speaker 1: Paul say that marriage is bondage. So how do we
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  Speaker 1: decipher this chapter? Here's how Pastor John walked through this
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  Speaker 1: text in twenty sixteen.
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  Speaker 2: Let me come at First Corinthian seven in a roundabout way,
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  Speaker 2: And I think if I do it this way, it
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  Speaker 2: might open up people to some unexpected things in the
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  Speaker 2: chapter that they're not as familiar with. It seems to
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  Speaker 2: me that we are trying to avoid a misunderstanding on
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  Speaker 2: two fronts. The one front is the misunderstanding of marriage
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  Speaker 2: as bondage and oppression, and on the other front is
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  Speaker 2: the misunderstanding of singleness as liberation and freedom. But the
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  Speaker 2: reality is that pursuing the unfettered autonomy of singleness may
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  Speaker 2: be a deeper bondage and embracing the sorrows of a
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  Speaker 2: disappointing marriage may be a more profound freedom. Of course,
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  Speaker 2: that way of talking, that way of seeing the world
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  Speaker 2: makes no sense to those who define freedom as doing
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  Speaker 2: whatever you feel like doing when you feel like doing it.
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  Speaker 2: But thoughtful people don't define freedom or liberation that way.
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  Speaker 2: That kind of freedom will get children killed by running
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  Speaker 2: out in the street or putting their finger in an
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  Speaker 2: electric socket because they feel like it right now. It
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  Speaker 2: doesn't matter what anybody else says. That kind of freedom
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  Speaker 2: leads to thousands of free people being in the state penitentiary.
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  Speaker 2: It leads to thousands more being in bondage to venereal disease,
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  Speaker 2: and thousands more leaving a carnage of broken relationships behind them.
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  Speaker 2: Doing what you feel like doing when you feel like
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  Speaker 2: doing it has never proved to be a life of liberation,
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  Speaker 2: but only bondage. True freedom isn't just doing what you
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  Speaker 2: want to do, period. It's doing what you want to
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  Speaker 2: do and wanting what you ought to do. In other words,
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  Speaker 2: there's something crucial that defines freedom underneath want to and
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  Speaker 2: feel like namely ought to and the person you were
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  Speaker 2: meant to be. And of course, as soon as you
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  Speaker 2: bring an ought to onto the table or a person
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  Speaker 2: you were made to be. We're confronted immediately with a
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  Speaker 2: higher or deeper authority than ourselves, namely God. There can
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  Speaker 2: be no true freedom when a person tries to ignore
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  Speaker 2: God's design for their life, just like there's no true
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  Speaker 2: freedom if you try to ignore the law of gravity.
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  Speaker 2: If you jump off a cliff, you may feel the
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  Speaker 2: exhilaration of freedom for three or four seconds, and then
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  Speaker 2: you die. And living your life without reference to God
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  Speaker 2: is like jumping off a cliff. Just takes a little
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  Speaker 2: longer to hit bottom, but you will. So now we
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  Speaker 2: come to First Corinth in seven. Yes, it does have
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  Speaker 2: to do with First Corinth in seven, where Paul deals
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  Speaker 2: with two issues. One is marriage and singleness and the
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  Speaker 2: other is slaves who get converted to Jesus, and the
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  Speaker 2: question is whether they should stay in their present condition
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  Speaker 2: or not. And it's very interesting to me that those
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  Speaker 2: two issues happen to land interwoven in the same chapter.
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  Speaker 2: So he says to slaves, and this is going to
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  Speaker 2: be relevant for marriage and singleness. He says to slaves,
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  Speaker 2: were you a slave when called that is called to
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  Speaker 2: be a Christian? Do not be concerned about it, and
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  Speaker 2: then princess. But if you can get your freedom, avail
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  Speaker 2: yourself of it. Four. The reason you shouldn't be too
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  Speaker 2: concerned about spending your life even if you have to
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  Speaker 2: in the present difficult situation. Four, He who is called
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  Speaker 2: in the Lord is a slave, as a slave is
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  Speaker 2: a freedman of the Lord. Likewise, he who was free
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  Speaker 2: when he was called, namely to be a Christian is
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  Speaker 2: a slave of Christ. You were bought with a price,
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  Speaker 2: that is the blood of Jesus, So do not become
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  Speaker 2: slaves of men. Now there's the key to the Christian
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  Speaker 2: life and to all of our relationships, including singleness and marriage.
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  Speaker 2: What makes for true freedom is belonging to Jesus, who
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  Speaker 2: bought us with his blood, who owns us by purchase,
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  Speaker 2: who loves us, who designs the best life for us,
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  Speaker 2: the most beautiful life for us, and who will bring
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  Speaker 2: us to everlasting and deepest possible joy. That is freedom,
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  Speaker 2: which means that if we are in a painful relationship
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  Speaker 2: like slavery or a deeply disappointing marriage, and we are
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  Speaker 2: there with Jesus, belonging to Jesus, owned by Jesus, loved
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  Speaker 2: by Jesus, getting help from Jesus, experiencing his fellowship, enjoying
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  Speaker 2: his guidance, following his will, we are walking in great freedom.
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  Speaker 2: That's why I say it at the beginning. There may
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  Speaker 2: be more freedom by embracing a painful relationship than in
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  Speaker 2: embracing unfettered autonomy. It also means that if we are
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  Speaker 2: free from all human commitments and restraints and living a
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  Speaker 2: life of unfettered autonomy, not submitting to Jesus, not enjoying
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  Speaker 2: his fellowship, we are in the profoundest bondage to sin
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  Speaker 2: and selfishness, and we will hit the bottom of the
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  Speaker 2: cliff sooner or later. So this is the principle that
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  Speaker 2: Paul applies in First Corinthian seven to marriage and singleness.
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  Speaker 2: He loves his singleness. He wishes others could have this
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  Speaker 2: particular life of Christian freedom. This is what you were
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  Speaker 2: talking about at the beginning, Tony, when you said people
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  Speaker 2: don't even know that this is in the Bible, that
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  Speaker 2: the exaltation of a life of devoted singleness is there.
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  Speaker 2: Rather than idealizing marriage as the only way to live. Amazingly,
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  Speaker 2: he says First Corinthian seven to seven. I wish that
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  Speaker 2: all of you were as I myself am. Well, you're crazy, Paul.
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  Speaker 2: There were many babies if we were all sigle. But
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  Speaker 2: each has his own gift from God, one kind or another.
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  Speaker 2: To the unmarried and the widows, I say it is
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  Speaker 2: good for them to remain single, as I am. And
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  Speaker 2: then he adds, lest we draw the wrong inference, he's
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  Speaker 2: not telling anyone. He says not to marry, so verse
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  Speaker 2: thirty six. It's amazing how he starts and ends with
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  Speaker 2: this kind of thing. If anyone thinks that he's not
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  Speaker 2: behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong
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  Speaker 2: and has to be, let him do as he wishes,
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  Speaker 2: let him marry. It is no sin. So he's not
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  Speaker 2: condemning marriage. He's just exulting in his singleness and wishing
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  Speaker 2: others could join him in it. Well, here's the question.
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  Speaker 2: What makes his singleness so great in his mind? What
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  Speaker 2: should make it great in our minds. It's because singleness
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  Speaker 2: offered him a unique experience of devotion to the Lord.
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  Speaker 2: He said, I say this for your own benefit, not
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  Speaker 2: to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good
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  Speaker 2: order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
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  Speaker 2: There's the bottom line of freedom, devotion to the Lord,
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  Speaker 2: belonging to the Lord, living in joyful submission to the
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  Speaker 2: Lord who loved us and gave himself for us. So
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  Speaker 2: when Paul says that marrying is no sin and singleness
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  Speaker 2: provides undivided devotion to the Lord, he's not saying that
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  Speaker 2: marriage means you don't walk as closely with the Lord,
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  Speaker 2: or depenn as deeply on the Lord, or enjoy the
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  Speaker 2: Lord with less sweetness of fellowship. He means the challenges
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  Speaker 2: in both states marriage and singleness. The challenges in both
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  Speaker 2: states are different, very different. There are unique distractions in marriage,
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  Speaker 2: That's what he's drawing attention to. In particular, there are
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  Speaker 2: unique distractions in marriage that we must guard against lest
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  Speaker 2: our hearts be divided and the Lord takes second place.
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  Speaker 2: But I think if we pushed on Paul, he would
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  Speaker 2: say there are other kinds of distractions for single people
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  Speaker 2: that require similar vigilance. So the point is Christian freedom,
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  Speaker 2: whether in lifelong commitment and marriage or in a lifelong
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  Speaker 2: state of singleness, means belonging utterly to the risen Lord Jesus,
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  Speaker 2: trusting him completely with our lives, submitting all our decisions
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  Speaker 2: to his will, enjoying all his fellowship, expecting all his
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  Speaker 2: promises of help, and finding ourselves wonderfully useful in our
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  Speaker 2: marriage or inner singleness in serving other people. So, yes, Tony,
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  Speaker 2: I do encourage people to go deep into First Corinthians seven.
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  Speaker 2: I think there are profound things there about marriage about singleness,
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  Speaker 2: because there are profound things there about the lordship of
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  Speaker 2: Christ and what it means to be totally His and
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  Speaker 2: totally free. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Amen, The unfettered autonomy of singleness is a ball and
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  Speaker 1: chain of its own. True freedom is not found in
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  Speaker 1: personal autonomy. There can be no true freedom when a
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  Speaker 1: person tries to ignore God's design for their life.
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  Speaker 2: End quote.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Who. Freedom is belonging entirely to Jesus, who defines
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  Speaker 1: both our identity and our joy. And therefore, both in
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  Speaker 1: marriage and in singleness can be found profound experiences of
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  Speaker 1: freedom when life has lived in submission to Christ. In
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  Speaker 1: both are forms of bondage when we live apart from Him.
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  Speaker 1: There's a lot of factors here, and there's a lot
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  Speaker 1: of factors behind adult singleness, and another one of those
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  Speaker 1: being the fact that we live in a culture postponing
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  Speaker 1: marriage until much later in life. We've talked about that
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  Speaker 1: too on the podcast, about learning, patience and a culture
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  Speaker 1: that marries later than previous generations. See the Aspestron book
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  Speaker 1: for that on page one two. Next up, Long Sorrows
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  Speaker 1: set the stage. I'm Tony Rinkey. See you back here
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  Speaker 1: with Pastor John in studio on Monday. Thanks for listening.