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Why the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist is normally the best part · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, Beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about the best part of a
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  relationship with a narcissist. The beginning.
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  Typically the beginning. I know everybody's relationship
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  is different. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. That's that.
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  What's that beat? I can feel it.
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  Call it in the air now. I'm joking.
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  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo.
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  As you most of you might know relationships with narcissists
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  typically go in reverse. They they really, really do.
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  And this is what I tell a lot of people like relationship with a
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  narcissist typically start off at the peak.
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  You know I was doing a zoom call with the woman the other day,
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  right? And I was telling her I gave
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  her, I kind of gave her the same example right here I say I like
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  the beginning of a normal relationship.
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  A relationship with a non narcissistic person typically
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  starts off at the bottom. Like if you climb in a mountain,
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  this is called it's like Everest, but it's the mountain
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  of love, love look, the Everest of love.
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  So, so typically when you meet each other, you're starting to
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  climb this mountain together. Yes, there, yes, there are going
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  to be pitfalls and ups and downs, highs and lows.
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  But you're climbing this mountain together, you're
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  climbing, you know you're going to hit different base camps on
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  the way up there. The first base camp is saying, I
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  love you. Second base camp is meeting the
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  family, whatever it is, you know.
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  Third base camp is engagement, living together, marriage base
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  camps on the way up, right. It really is.
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  And the whatever your peak is, you know, maybe marriage, kids,
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  family, that's your peak. You know a living happily ever
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  after, happily ever after is the peak of this love Everest, right
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  in a this cycle of a normal relationship.
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  But relationships with narcissists, they kind of go in
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  reverse. They kind of they put their best
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  foot forward like they they they go in reverse.
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  Like I told the woman I was like instead of starting up at the
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  bottom, getting to know each other.
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  Narcissistic relationships move so fast.
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  The best part is in the beginning, the best part is what
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  gets you caught. The best part is what gets you
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  caught up right there not building together.
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  They want a relationship. They want they wanted already
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  built. So instead of starting off at
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  the bottom of this love mountain, it's damn near like
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  you get helicoptered to the top of it and you you get let off at
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  the peak. You know, in relation with the
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  narcissist, you get let off at the peak, you start off at the
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  peak. It is all downhill from here.
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  You've already passed all the base caps because the
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  relationship is moving so fast. Like you have friends that
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  you've known that been dating, engaged, haven't gotten married
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  yet, and they've been together for four or five years.
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  They just living together. No kids.
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  You you've been together for six months.
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  Y'all living together ain't already married, pregnant, all
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  types of stuff. Them bought cars.
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  Y'all y'all have passed surpassed.
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  Their relationship blew past them because you got dropped off
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  at the peak. You got dropped off at the
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  mountain top, the area, the love mountain.
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  That's where it gets you so quickly, you know.
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  And love bombing works. Y'all.
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  Let's be realistic. Love bombing works.
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  People want to be loved, People want to be appreciated.
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  So that's why it's the main weapon in a narcissistic
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  person's arsenal. Let's take you to the mountain
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  peak. You want to reach the peak?
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  I can get you there faster. What?
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  What Aladdin say? I can show you the world faster.
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  You can go, Ty to build with this person right here.
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  It's going to take you six years.
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  Or we can build. We can start off there.
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  I love you in two weeks. I love you.
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  I love you. In six days.
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  The first time I meet you. I'm telling you I love you.
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  I've been looking for somebody like you.
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  I I've been. I've been searching far and wide
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  for Someone Like You, You know what I mean?
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  They start off at the peak and it's all downhill from here.
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  It just it that's the way it goes, you know?
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  It starts off with the love that is.
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  And that's why I tell people the beginning of a relationship Most
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  times. Everybody's relationship is
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  going to be different Most times.
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  The beginning is going to be the best.
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  This is the best it's going to get.
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  I know a lot of y'all can take. You can push pause on a video
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  right now and think about it. Think about the dynamics of the
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  relationship. The typically the best part is
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  going to be the the best. The best part was at the
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  beginning. And everybody's beginning has a
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  different time limit. Y'all have, it has a different
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  timetable. Your, your, your beginning could
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  be the first three months. Your beginning could be somebody
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  else's. Beginning can be the first two
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  years, three years, whatever, First six weeks, We're amazing.
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  It is all downhill from there. Everybody's peak is different.
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  Even, like I said, even when you're climbing the mountain,
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  even when you're in a normal relationship, your peak is going
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  to be different. Whatever your mountain peak is
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  going to be different. But that's what narcissists do
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  right there. Y'all they ask you what your
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  peak is. They figure out what your peak
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  is, you know, typically, what are you looking for there?
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  What are you looking for in a significant other?
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  What do you let me What's your goals in dating, in
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  relationships? I know those are normal
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  questions, but narcissistic people ask them with insidious
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  intent. Those are normal questions,
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  right? But they ask them with insidious
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  intent. They want to just, oh, I have
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  the same one. I have the same goals and
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  dreams. I have that.
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  Or they tell you what you want to hear.
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  The love bombing is intense. We're going on trips early.
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  We go on, We go on dates early, meeting the family early,
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  meeting the kids early, making plans for our future right now,
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  now, later. Why?
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  Why? Why later?
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  Why? Let's let's do it right now.
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  Why we got to wait till later. Let's do it right now, right
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  meow, right now. Let's do it like that.
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  But that's the mindset of a lot of narcissistic people.
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  You know, that's how we operate. We know we got to put our best
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  foot forward. We have to, you know, we have to
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  put our best foot for you. I know what I say.
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  I know. I say the peg leg.
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  Narcissistic people put their best foot forward.
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  But it's not, it's not even a real leg.
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  It's a peg leg. You know, Until you find out.
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  You find out later on. It looks like a real leg.
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  It feels like a real leg until they.
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  Until they roll of it. Roll.
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  Why you always wearing pants And then you ask him like why you
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  always wearing pants and like it's night.
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  Look. Hey babe, I got to ask you this.
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  It's 117° like the hottest it's ever been.
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  Why do you have on three pairs of pants?
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  You know, not even one pair of pants.
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  Like 3 pairs of pants. Like I can sit like you're suck
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  you're you're sweating so much like your your you got the the
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  sweat is pulling in your feet like it's bleeding.
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  Like I can see this you got you got pit stains on your feet.
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  I can see I can see how your feet are sweating through your
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  shoe. You know I can see that why you
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  wearing pants And they just finally pulled it up and they're
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  like I'll show you why and they pull it up and there's a damn
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  peg leg it's a fake leg. They put their best foot forward
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  but it's a peg leg. And once you see that peg leg,
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  they can finally be them. I can finally be me.
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  I'm so happy you see the peg leg now.
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  So let me take the love away. Let's go downhill.
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  Let's go downhill. And I'll tell you what I was
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  like the narcissistic person. They like being at the mountain
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  peak. Y'all narcissistic people are
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  chasing peaks. They're chasing mountain peaks.
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  That's why they go from they. They look so happy to new
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  relationship. They're already given the new
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  supply. Everything that I wanted to,
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  needed and asked for, you know, everything I beg for.
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  They're already giving them. That's a peak.
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  That's how you get to the peak with somebody else.
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  They're peaking. You're seeing the next peak.
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  You're still like you. You can see them on the peak
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  too, because you're watching. Look, you, you're watching their
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  lives, right? You're watching their life.
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  You're looking through your little binoculars.
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  I tell people to turn off the narcissist TV, but you don't
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  turn the TV off. You're looking through your
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  little binoculars, your little impact binoculars.
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  You're looking at them. You see them over there on the
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  mountain peak dancing and have getting married, having kids
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  early on you like that Was that used to be me?
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  Damn it. They look so happy.
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  What y'all actually seeing is them on the peak.
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  Like, damn, they that mountain looks.
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  It looks amazing over there. I missed that.
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  I missed when we had a mountain. No, you're watching them love on
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  somebody else. Narcissistic people are peak
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  chasers. They're chasing the peak.
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  They're chasing that hit of dopamine that they get the love.
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  Bombing phases releases a lot of dopamine for both people, but
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  narcissistic people need a consistent hit of dopamine.
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  That's why they always are seeking validation and attention
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  from other people, other entities and whatnot, especially
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  online and things like that. Dating apps, you know, That's
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  why they just like you see a lot of narcissists cheat.
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  You mean narcissistic people. This crazy thing about it is
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  they can try to take multiple people to different peaks at the
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  same time. You know what I said?
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  The relationship goes in reverse and I'm going to be real with
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  you. Once they look like once you
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  start, once it starts going downhill, it goes typically goes
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  downhill really fast because, you know, downhill things pick
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  up steam, you push a ball downhill, it starts to roll.
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  And yeah, it might, You might hit a peak.
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  You might hit it like a little valley or whatever, and the
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  rolling slows down and it stops. And you try to look.
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  You try to. Once it stops and comes to a
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  standstill for a little bit, you're like, OK, things are back
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  to normal for a little while. You're trying to push the ball
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  back up the hill. You're trying to push the rock
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  back up the hill, Are you? You try to get it back to that
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  peak. You missed that peak.
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  You want the peak again. But the narcissistic person is
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  trying to peak with somebody else.
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  So they're pushing, they're pushing against you.
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  They want to look out. It's less energy for them to
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  just get. They can just push it a little
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  bit and get the ball back rolling.
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  They want to be at the bottom of the mountain.
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  They want to be in. They want to be at the bottom
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  because it's comfortable at the bottom.
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  I don't have to put any work in. I put the work in to get here.
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  You know, I put the work in here to get the ball rolling.
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  Narcissistic people love being like that is now.
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  It's late. Now I can be lazy in this
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  relationship because I've worked hard enough.
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  You see what I'm saying? I've worked hard enough.
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  So now that I can be lazy in this relationship, I can be lazy
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  as I want to. I don't have to put in any.
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  I don't have to put in much time, effort and energy.
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  I've already done it. So why do I need to continue to
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  do it? I've already done it.
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  It's already done. It's dead.
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  So what I need, why do I need to continue to do it?
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  That's the mindset that a lot of narcissistic people have right
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  there. Y'all, I've already done it.
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  Why do I need to continue to do it?
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  Yeah, they're going to keep doing the same things over and
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  over again. Y'all.
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  This is the mindset, the mentality that you will face
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  with a lot of narcissistic people.
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  That's just the way it goes, you know?
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  And if I tell people just like, you know, I tell them this is
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  what I say to people. Once you start, once the ball
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  starts rolling downhill, it will never be the same again.
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  I know you want it to be the same.
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  I know you miss it. You're trying to get back to the
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  original peak. The narcissist is comfortable at
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  the bottom of the hill because it's less energy.
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  Here, I'm. Look, I can be my real self now.
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  You see my peg leg, right? You see it?
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  My shoes are not sweaty anymore. You see it?
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  I don't have pit stains in my shoes.
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  You see it right now. I don't.
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  That's what I said. Your shoes got pits that you can
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  see, your toes, your toe, your toe imprint, your feet wet
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  because you're sweaty. But yeah, they can be them now.
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  That's why they don't want to go back to the peak again.
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  Because at the peak, at the original peak, I was not really
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  being who I am at the bottom of the hill or at this new, like,
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  base camp we've had. At a different base camp, I can
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  be me. Narcissistic relationships go in
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  reverse. Y'all.
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  It's one of those things. They're gonna say the best is in
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  the beginning and then literally, how do we tell if
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  we're at the bottom or at the top?
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  Y'all. If you're moving too fast, like
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  reasonable y'all music. This is the sense of being
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  reasonable comes into play right here.
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  Be reasonable. Are we moving too damn fast?
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  Are we living together? Is it?
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  Is it is it fine to live together in two weeks?
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  No, no. Slow down.
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  Y'all if it Look if this is forever, why are we rushing?
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  If we are speeding through this, why are we rushing?
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  You know, slow down reasonable expectations of time and set
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  boundaries. Do you really know this person?
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  Ask yourself, do you really know this person?
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  Is this actually sustainable? Is this sustainable?
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  You know what I mean? If is this sustainable?
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  If this is not sustainable, am I OK with it not being
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  sustainable? Am I OK accepting less?
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  Because to be in a relationship with a narcissist, you have to
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  be OK with accepting less. That's crazy, ain't it?
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  You have to be OK with accepting less than what you deserve.
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  A lot of people ask me, how do I be in a relationship with a
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  narcissist? You have to be OK with accepting
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  less than what you deserve. It's gets way deeper than that.
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  Of course. I can do another video on that,
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  but that's the simplistic way of putting it in.
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  Y'all. Anyways, y'all thank you for
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  tuning in. Make sure you subscribe to my
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• 13:15
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  Thank you so much. Let's tune this is out.
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
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  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.