Latest / Internal Insights / The Simple Question That Could Make Your Relationships More Equal Starting Today!
Transcript
- Ted Thao: Welcome to Internal Insights, a quick, honest conversation about mental health in about five minutes or less. I'm your host Ted Tao, a licensed professional counselor, and the owner of Internal Insights Therapy in San Antonio, Texas. Every episode, we take one idea from therapy, trauma, anxiety, relationships, identity, and talk about it plainly. No jargon, no fluff, just something real. Let's get into it. Have you ever laughed at a joke you didn't think was funny, just to keep things neutral? It sounds small. It is small. But that little moment, quietly adjusting what you want to match with someone else, happens more often than most of us realize. And it's worth paying attention to, because it says something about how equal we actually feel in our relationships. Here's the thing about equality in relationships. Most people think it means something big and dramatic, like a huge betrayal or someone being controlling. But a lot of times it's quieter than that. It's who picks a restaurant most of the times. It's who apologizes first, even when it's not clear who was wrong. It's whose bad day gets asked about and whose just gets brushed past. I like to think of it like a seesaw. When one person keeps leaning forward, the whole thing tips in their direction. And honestly, they might not even notice they're doing it. It just feels normal after a little while. And on the other side, the person leaning back might not notice it either. Because saying whatever you want is fine feels easier than saying what they actually want. A lot of us had learned this early in life. Without ever being taught it directly. Maybe you grew up in a house where keeping the peace mattered more than speaking up. Maybe you learned that having strong opinions made you difficult. Or that being easygoing was the same thing as being loved. None of that makes you weak or broken. It just means you picked up a pattern. Probably because it worked for you at some point. The tricky part Is that patterns like these don't ask for permission to stick around. They just do quietly in the background. Until laughing at a joke you didn't think was funny feels completely normal. I get this Asked a lot, I or at least a version of this question a lot. What does it actually look like when two people are equal in a relationship? And honestly, it's not splitting everything 50-50, like chores or who pays for dinner. It's more about whether both people's feelings and preferences get real weight in the room. If you're upset about something, that matters just as much as if they're upset. If you want Thai food and they want pizza, it's an actual back and forth. Not something you automatically cave on. You can disagree without turning it into a blow up or someone going silent. And maybe simply put, you get to say what you want out loud instead of hoping someone else eventually figures it out. One easy way to check in with yourself is to To notice how often you say, I don't care, whatever you want. Sometimes it's true, but sometimes it's just a script we default to because it feels safer than answering honestly. So, here's something small I want you to sit with this week. The next time someone asks you what you want, whether it's dinner plans, a joke, or something bigger, try actually answering with the truth. Even if it feels Tiny or silly. You might be surprised how unfamiliar it feels to take up that little bit of space and how much it starts to shift things over time. That's it for this episode of Internal Insights. If this gave you something to sit with, or just made you feel a little less alone, that's the whole point. This isn't a replacement for therapy, but if you're looking for support, you can find me at Internal Insights Therapy in San Antonio, Texas. Thank you for spending five minutes or less with me. I'll see you next time.