Latest / Anchored by the Sword / My Brain While Reading the Bible: Finding Freedom, Healing, and Humor with God with Hillary Phillips!

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My Brain While Reading the Bible: Finding Freedom, Healing, and Humor with God with Hillary Phillips! · Anchored by the Sword

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  Thank you for joining me on this episode of the Anchored by the
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  Sore podcast. I pray that today's episode will
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  leave you encouraged and also challenged in your faith.
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  And I pray that you would take the stories that are talked
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  about here today and share them with other people.
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  Thank you so much for joining me and enjoy today's episode.
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  Hey guys, welcome to this episode, The Anchor by the Sore
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  podcast. I am super excited today to
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  introduce you guys to Hilary Phillips and she has a
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  devotional that came out. And I'm telling you that I can
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  100% relate to this and the whole idea behind it says my
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  brain while reading the Bible, hot takes on my favorite
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  scriptures. I know what it's like when
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  you're reading the Bible and your brain is going in 16
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  different directions while you're trying to concentrate.
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  So I can't wait to hear more about her, her story, and just
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  all of the things. So, Hillary, thank you for
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  joining me today. Thank you so much for having me.
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  Hi everyone, who's listening? So can you tell my listeners a
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  little bit about yourself? Yeah, so my name is Hilary, as
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  you know, and I'm born and raised in California, lived here
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  my whole life, and I love to act.
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  I have a young nephew who is just the sweetest.
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  I've been an auntie now for three years officially.
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  So I am loving Auntie life. It's so sweet watching him grow.
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  I'm a bit of a homebody. I love to chill on the on the
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  couch, watch a good show, read a good book.
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  And now I'm a writer. I'm an author.
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  And so I'm like, OK, Lord, this is cool.
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  I love making content online. And, you know, God used that in
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  a lot of ways to help me be in a position to write.
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  Yeah, just. I love.
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  I just love being around people that are my people and doing
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  life and going a day at a time and trying to laugh in the
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  process. There's my spiel I love.
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  It and I love auntie life too. I've been an auntie for 20 plus
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  years and the ones who live in town are from 18 down to 13,
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  four boys. 4. Boys, well, there's 5 total, but
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  the ones in Baltimore, but the four that are in town, I mean
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  it's totally really, it's actually really cool.
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  Like being an aunt is awesome. It's also really hard because
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  you're not directly raising the kids.
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  So, you know, there's stuff that goes on that you're like, if you
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  were mine. This Yeah, they're deciding to
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  do. But it's really cool now because
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  the 18 year old, 18 year old and I are moving from that adult
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  child relationship to now that adult adult friendship.
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  So it's been really cool to get a chance to.
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  I've traveled with him a couple of times and it's just been
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  really cool to see that transition happen.
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  Of course, there's still things obviously he's not going to tell
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  me, which I'm totally fine with because I don't want to know.
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  But just to be able to have that more open communication now has
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  been really, really cool. And for him to know that he
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  doesn't just have to see me as an authority figure now that you
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  know, we're, I'm still your aunt and I'll be your aunt until the
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  day I die, but I'm still going to be here for you in a
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  different way now. So yeah, it's been so.
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  Fun. I love that.
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  That's so cool. It'll be it'll be sweet to be in
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  that position one day and. Yeah, and but I still remember
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  when he's toddling around when he was like 6 months old, taking
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  down his older brother. I'm like, oh man, I still
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  remember those days. Yeah.
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  Oh, I love that. So let's talk about your
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  personal freedom journey. Yeah, The biggest thing I'd say
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  is I grew up in a home that was full of a lot of brokenness,
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  alcoholism, abuse. And I think as I've grown and
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  I've gone through my own healing and journey with the Lord and
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  through therapy, I've realized, you know, I think my parents
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  tried but just didn't have the right tools.
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  And so I spent most of my young life just completely, I mean,
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  with lack of a better word, traumatized, you know, and I
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  didn't know it. I was completely locked in
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  survival mode and even after coming to Christ, I found myself
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  really torn because I, I knew there was freedom in Christ.
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  I trusted the Lord, I was on fire for him.
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  He, he met me in so many ways but yet I still found myself
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  just grappling with mental strongholds, depression, grief.
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  And then once I went to therapy I found out I had CPTSD and was
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  like oh that explains it. And, and it was very helpful,
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  you know, and I think that for me, my journey has really been
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  learning to, I guess, revisit process things, but also really
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  learning more practically what it means when the word says,
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  take thoughts captive. What it means when we have been
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  through things in our lives that have deeply impacted our
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  perspective of self, of the world of God, even like what it
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  means to practically apply Scripture to our lives and to
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  walk in God's freedom. And to recognize that two things
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  can be true at once, that we can have stuff that we've
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  experienced that maybe even still like brings up painful
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  emotions, but at the same time, we can know and have truth and
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  like confidence in that God delivers us and God is with us.
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  And I think that's been the biggest experience for me of
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  just seeing how much God has been with me through every
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  experience and even to this point.
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  Like I am not the same woman. I was coming to Christ was just
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  so beautiful. I was when I was 18.
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  I'm 33 now and he just met me and I think the the biggest
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  theme I've seen in this ongoing freedom journey with the Lord is
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  that when we are willing to show up authentically before Him, he
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  meets us and he does the work. He brings the healing and and he
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  gives us a sense of joy in the process.
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  And I think that even this book, this book doesn't focus on
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  trauma, doesn't focus on all those things, but I think it's a
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  reflection of how God has so tenderly like helped me relate
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  to him by like allowing me the freedom to be curious with him,
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  to ask questions, to not feel ashamed when my brain goes
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  1,000,001 places or I pronounce names wrong.
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  Like he just he has been so tender with me.
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  And I think that my freedom journey, if I can, I guess try
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  to summarize it without trauma dumping on everybody listening.
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  It's like my freedom journey has really just been learning that
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  people can only do so much. They can only do what they have
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  the. Tools to do.
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  And at some point, I need to work on getting the tools for
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  myself and healing and recovering and, and doing what I
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  need to, to walk in everything God has.
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  And yeah, my journey has just been recognizing that God's got
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  me and that it's OK, period. Like, it's OK.
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  I don't have to figure everything out.
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  He's got me. Absolutely.
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  Thank you for sharing that part of your story.
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  And I love how you talk about how you can be both and like you
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  can have the things that come up from your past or the things
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  that you know you need to deal with, but you can also have the
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  joy of the Lord at the same time.
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  And I think that's so important for people because sometimes
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  they feel like, well, I'm a Christian, so I shouldn't feel
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  like this and I should just get over this.
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  And it's not that easy. It's not that easy of a process
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  in any of us who have been through any type of trauma can
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  attest to that, who are going to be open and honest about it.
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  We can attest to that, that it's, it's not linear.
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  It's not we have it fixed now and we'll have it fixed forever.
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  It's that we always know God's with us and He'll get us through
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  and that He's provided the tools for us to be able to go through
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  and work through things like counseling and all of the things
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  that we may need. Yeah, definitely.
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  And I'm so thankful for the tools he's given it I, I
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  resonate with that idea of, oh man, am I just, am I doing
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  something wrong in my faith if I'm feeling these things,
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  especially when I first started walking with the Lord.
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  And I think it's very easy to start drawing comparisons to
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  look at outwardly what other believers seem to be going
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  through and, and seemingly having no issues.
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  It's easy to start to feel like, well, I'm not doing something
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  right. But I realized, you know, no,
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  that's just not true. We all, we are human and some of
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  us come into life with circumstances that don't cause
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  us to have to unpack as much. But everybody has something to
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  process and work through. Everybody's on a journey, and
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  there's not really a matter of comparing them.
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  I think it's simply surrendering them, surrendering whatever it
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  is in our hearts and trusting that God is the one who will
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  really bring us understanding, bring us peace and not feeling
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  like we have to only come to him with the good.
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  It's like come to him with all of it, all of it because he
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  wastes nothing. So that's that's what's so
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  liberating. Like, thank you, Lord, because
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  you know what I would do if I didn't have you?
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  Right, exactly. And I think that that's the one
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  thing too, is that you talk about the comparison and, you
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  know, being on TikTok and I know being on social media and stuff,
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  that most people are only going to put that 10% out there.
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  They're only going to put that small little snippet, that small
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  little 30 to 92nd snippet of whatever's going on that they're
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  really excited about, or they'll give a 30 to 92nd snippet of the
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  crap they're going through that day.
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  But there's more behind it that people don't see.
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  So it is, I've learned that with this, going through this podcast
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  journey, that there were multiple people who started
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  theirs on the same day as mine. And they hit a million followers
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  like that. And I'm like, OK.
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  And then, you know, I'd have to step back and say, you know
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  what, that's good for them. They had a following prior.
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  I didn't, you know, I mean, I did, but I didn't have the
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  following that they did. And that's OK.
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  I'm in North Canton. God has given me a specific
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  group of people to work with and that's who I work with and
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  that's who I'm, I show up for. And he does the same for each of
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  us. And I think that that's an
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  important thing when we look at the comparison, like, just try
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  not to do it. Even if it if you find yourself
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  doing it, just ask God to break it from you when you start.
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  Yeah, it's too big of a rabbit hole to go down and it makes you
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  feel terrible. It really does.
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  And it's so it's such a common thing that the devil uses to
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  make us feel like inadequate or, or just constantly focusing on
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  lack. And I feel that one of the
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  biggest things you can probably all relate to, regardless of our
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  background and story, is that when we're walking with God, he
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  wants us to walk in the fullness of life into abundance.
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  And I realized that, you know, the more we're looking at other
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  people, the more we're robbing ourselves of what God has for
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  us, right? We're trying to pursue somebody
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  else's lane. It's like.
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  If you're watching a race, stay in your lane, and that's so easy
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  to say, but the process of learning how to just really stay
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  in where God has us and to be content in that.
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  I think that's the ongoing thing of just learning how do we stay
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  content? And I realized, you know, it's
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  not so much about, oh, I have to be content 100% of the time.
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  That's ideal. But the reality is, oh, let me
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  just grow and learn God more and more so that eventually I can
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  stay in this space for longer periods of time.
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  That's good. And, and, and recover faster.
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  If I find myself comparing or whatever we might fall into,
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  it's OK. I bounce back faster.
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  I recognize it sooner and I can regulate enough to stay in a
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  space where it's like, OK, Laura, we're good, right?
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  We're all right so. Absolutely.
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  So what Bible verse or verses keep you anchored, especially
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  when you start to feel that way about anything or as you're
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  walking through your healing journey?
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  For a long time it was how we mount up on wings like eagles,
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  but recently I have them actually taped.
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  I can been taping scriptures around my house.
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  So these two have been some that have resonated with me more
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  recently. Psalm 25 five guide me in your
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  truth and teach me for you are the God of my salvation.
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  I wait for you all the day long. I really like this one because
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  it's putting my mind on trusting God and knowing that he's going
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  to guide me. He's going to teach me and, and
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  taking the burden off myself. I think because of my experience
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  in the past, I tend to be very hard on myself when it comes to
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  getting things right or trying to figure things out.
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  I can lean on my own understanding.
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  And this is just a reminder that no, I'm not leaning on my own
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  strength. I'm depending on the Lord.
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  And so it's nice to meditate on. And then Psalm 3318.
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  But look, the Lord keeps his eye on those who fear him, those who
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  depend on His faithful love. I spent a lot of my life feeling
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  very unseen and knowing that God does see us.
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  He really sees us and He knows us and loves us.
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  It's so sweet. Make my heart leap for joy.
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  And so I like reading this and OK, God, you keep your eye on
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  me. Thank you.
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  Absolutely. We're never far from his sight
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  or his fingers. Yes.
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  So that's so awesome. I love it.
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  So two other things I want to talk about before we dive into
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  the book. Your Grandmother's Death.
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  I just want to talk about that real quick because my grandma,
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  she's the one who made me draw closer at the end of her life.
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  So I'd love to hear how your story, how you actually felt
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  distant from God during that time.
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  Yeah, so I, I had been walking with the Lord, I think for a
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  year and a half, two years at that point.
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  And like really walking with him.
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  I would say by in title, I was a Christian all my life, but truly
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  living for him and knowing him. It had been about two years and
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  my grandma just loved the Lord so much and was such a sweet,
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  kind woman. And she battled cancer.
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  And with every part of me, I believed God would heal her.
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  I, I had no doubt had faith that she would be healed, that this
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  would be just a testimony and I'd get to spend more time with
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  her. But rapidly, like she just got
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  so sick. And what was really
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  heartbreaking is she did start to improve.
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  She actually started to have a remission.
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  And we were so excited. And then around Thanksgiving
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  2014, she ended up feeling really sick.
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  And she had gotten an infection, was rushed to the hospital.
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  And then by December 9th, she was gone.
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  She died that day. And I was in the hospital room,
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  and I saw it all happen. And it just felt like everything
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  went still. And all of that faith I had, all
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  of the hope was just like, I felt like it was pointless.
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  I didn't understand. Yeah, like, God, you're able to
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  heal. Why didn't you heal her?
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  Right. And I really struggled to
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  understand that piece. And, you know, I still, I still
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  don't understand. But what I I've come to a place
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  of having peace about is it's not so much about why.
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  I think the why is what I got hung up on a lot.
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  It's more the like the how, how do I get through this with you,
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  Lord? How do I learn from you in this?
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  How do I give you all of these feelings?
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  And I didn't know how to do that yet.
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  So when, when that happened, I think my concept of God was just
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  really broken and, and it brought up so much pain and so
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  much grief. And because my, my mom was so,
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  so devastated by it, I also didn't have space to grieve.
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  I immediately had to go into a care for everyone else mode.
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  I went into planning the funeral, all of it because I,
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  the other people, the other adults around me like either
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  weren't willing to or just were too old to do it.
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  And so it all fell on me and I think that burden, just the
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  burden of it all made me feel like God was withholding
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  something from me. And I think that that's OK
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  because it's just grief. We don't we don't know how grief
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  will affect us. And there's a lot of stereotypes
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  around grief and this idea that has to look a certain way or
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  feel a certain way. But the biggest thing is that
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  God is near to the broken hearted really is.
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  And he saves those who are crushed in spirit.
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  And here I am, something I thought would be the death of
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  me, something I thought would would pull me so far away from
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  God. Ultimately it brought me closer
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  to him. It gave me a deeper
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  understanding that no matter what, God is with me and she
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  carried me through that whole season in my family.
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  And I'm thankful for the time I got with my grandma.
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  She was best. And my grandma died in 14 as
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  well. She passed away in on October
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  18th and her cancer battle was 9 weeks from diagnosis to death
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  because by the time they found it, it was already everywhere
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  except her breast. And she said really had to not
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  go there. She's like of all the places it
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  didn't go because her sister had breast cancer.
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  So she's like, I got it everywhere else except for
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  there. But, you know, I was grateful
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  during my time because I didn't have anything with my grandma
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  that I had regret of really, you know, maybe a little bit of lack
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  of time, that kind of stuff. But like, the nine weeks I got
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  to spend with her, I was there almost every day except for the
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  day that I was sick. And she told me not to come.
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  She's like, you're sick, stay home and stay in bed.
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  And I was like, but I want to no, just stay in bed.
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  OK, Grandma, whatever you say. So her and I were really alike.
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  And when I lost her, it was very devastating.
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  But I was so grateful because when my grandfather had passed
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  away four years prior, she had planned her entire funeral.
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  She had planned and paid for. So I didn't have to worry about
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  any of that. So I was very grateful that all
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  I had to do was get the paperwork out.
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  And then I, I wrote the obituaries.
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  I think I wrote like probably 5 of my family's obituaries.
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  But I was just grateful that I could, you know, I spoke at her
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  funeral. And so I was grateful that I got
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  to focus on the good times I had with her.
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  And I didn't have regrets. So I'm just grateful her and I
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  are a lot alike. We also married a like.
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  Like we used to joke around that my husband must have been a
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  member of the family in some way shape or form before we met
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  because him and my grandfather were literally like 2 piece from
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  the same pod. Anytime one of us would go out
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  of town we would get 5 calls. Like literally one day we're
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  going gambling or something like that.
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  And between her phone and my phone, it rang like 5 or 6 times
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  during that day. And she's like your grandpa.
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  I said Matt. So it was like we, we were so
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  much alike. And so I think that that's part
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  of why it was easier for me, even though I'm still Mr. like
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  Crazy. And I was closer with her than I
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  was my own mother because my mom had her own trauma and she
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  didn't have the tools or the proper guidance to help her with
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  those things when she was alive. So it's just shows the influence
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  that grandparents can really have on their grandkids and the
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  other kids around them. And then also the other thing I
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  wanted to talk about is you work with young women that are coming
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  out of something that's also near and dear to my heart
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  because of something my friend does.
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  But you work with young women coming out of human trafficking.
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  And that's my friend has an organization here in Ohio that
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  houses young girls that are coming out of human trafficking.
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  It's called Safe Harbor, and I've talked about it several
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  times on here, Safe Harbor Ohio. And so it's a year program where
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  they bring girls who are coming out of this and they house them
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  for a year and do all kinds of therapy with them, help them to
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  get the life skills. So that way when they leave,
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  it's one less way to get them into that situation again.
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  So let's talk about why you decided that that was the kind
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  of work you wanted to do, and how you've seen God use that.
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  Yeah, so for the why, I'd say I've always had a heart for
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  kids, but I didn't have a specific inkling in my mind to
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  say I'm going to work in this field.
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  But you know how God does things.
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  He'll, he'll give you a little nugget and run with it.
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  And so for me, I met a woman who worked there and I was looking
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  for a job at the time. And when she told me about it,
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  immediately I was like, I would love to work in a place like
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  that. I've always had a heart for just
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  kids, for women, for people. I've always had a heart for
• 23:15
  especially those who have been hurt and it just aligned with
• 23:22
  what I value. And so when I got the job, I've,
• 23:27
  I actually, so I've spent two years working in the home and
• 23:30
  then now I work on the other side more, the prevention side
• 23:33
  and awareness. But the time I was in the home,
• 23:37
  I saw God do so much. It truly, I'd say it was two
• 23:43
  things at once. The most challenging work I've
• 23:46
  ever done, but also the closest I've ever gotten to
• 23:51
  understanding the sacrifice that that Christ made.
• 23:55
  And here's why I say that is working with survivors and and
• 23:59
  young girls who have just been through the most grotesque,
• 24:04
  heartbreaking things. What comes with that is them
• 24:08
  having a lot of difficulty trusting.
• 24:10
  Being in an environment that is healthy and good is boring.
• 24:14
  Being around people that are nice is overwhelming.
• 24:19
  And, you know, there's just like all the things that are
• 24:21
  seemingly good are very challenging and difficult for
• 24:24
  them to receive. And also a lot of times when
• 24:29
  somebody who's been through a lot of pain gets into a safe
• 24:31
  space. It's like.
• 24:33
  They're finally safe enough to let out all the anger, all of
• 24:36
  the pain, all of the sorrow. And usually it's people who are
• 24:41
  caring for them that get the, like, the blunt end of that.
• 24:46
  And so I'd say that's the part that was challenging is being
• 24:50
  present, knowing that, OK, these girls, what whatever they're
• 24:55
  doing or saying or how they're at behaving, it is simply out of
• 24:59
  brokenness and pain. I'm going to show up for them.
• 25:03
  And you know, I had personal moments.
• 25:07
  I write about it in the book where some instances, some, some
• 25:11
  nights would be so challenging that I would just find myself
• 25:13
  talking to God. Like why the heck?
• 25:15
  Why would they do that? I've been doing nothing but
• 25:17
  being kind and loving and how dare.
• 25:20
  They. You know, my own, my own
• 25:22
  feistiness and I just felt like the Lord was ministering to me
• 25:26
  deeply and correcting me and, and being like you do the same
• 25:28
  thing to me. You've done the same to me.
• 25:33
  You've rejected my love, you've turned against me, you know, and
• 25:37
  all the things. It's just like being sinful
• 25:39
  people, being broken people. And it's like I just got a
• 25:44
  sliver as sliver of what it was like to willingly love people
• 25:52
  who don't have the ability to love you back.
• 25:54
  Well, and, but beyond that, like the moments that the girls would
• 26:02
  say something like that really helped me or that that really
• 26:07
  changed my perspective or, you know, we wouldn't talk too
• 26:11
  openly about the Lord, but if they asked, we cheer about our
• 26:14
  faith and had an opportunity to baptize one girl, she wanted to
• 26:18
  be baptized. Like those are the things that
• 26:21
  make all of it worth it. It makes it all where it's like,
• 26:24
  you know what, so be it, so be it.
• 26:27
  Like if I get to be the adult that stands in the gap and
• 26:30
  helps, you know, that there's more out there, that there are
• 26:34
  good people, there are trustworthy people.
• 26:36
  So be it. And that's how that those two
• 26:39
  years felt like. All right, we're on the front
• 26:41
  lines for Jesus here. And every moment I'm just so
• 26:45
  thankful for. So God really taught me that,
• 26:50
  you know, there will be seasons when we're called to to love
• 26:55
  people who don't love us back and to know that what that looks
• 27:00
  like, really God's the one who's going to help us know what that
• 27:03
  looks like. And when it's attached to
• 27:05
  mission and purpose, it's like, OK, all right, Lord, you do what
• 27:09
  you got to do. It's not my job to fix, it's not
• 27:11
  my job to do any of that. It's my job to just show up and
• 27:14
  show love and you do the rest. So I could go on and on, but I'd
• 27:19
  say like that. That really taught me about
• 27:23
  sacrifice and what God can do when you're willing.
• 27:28
  Yeah, because it takes the focus off of us.
• 27:30
  And like you said, the same things that these girls are
• 27:33
  doing to you we've done to God. And the same things that we've
• 27:37
  seen other people do in our lives is the same things we've
• 27:40
  done to Him. So yeah, it's definitely
• 27:43
  something to consider as we walk through our journey and, you
• 27:47
  know, work with humans because humans are flawed.
• 27:50
  We're all flawed. We all are.
• 27:52
  We all are, yeah. So let's talk a little bit in
• 27:56
  closing about your devotional. Like I said, when I heard the
• 28:00
  title of my brain while reading the Bible, I was like OK I got
• 28:04
  to see what this is about so let's talk about it and why you
• 28:08
  decided that now is the time to release it.
• 28:11
  Yeah, so the book is a 40 day devotional and it covers various
• 28:16
  Bible stories and also weaves impersonal stories.
• 28:20
  And the title My brain while reading the Bible, it really
• 28:24
  stemmed from these videos I was making online giving funny
• 28:27
  commentary as I was reading the Bible of just thoughts and
• 28:30
  things that would come to mind. And the devotional itself,
• 28:35
  though, while it there are elements of that in it, the
• 28:37
  devotionals mostly really like exploring the humanity of people
• 28:42
  in the Bible and pointing out just the reality that these are
• 28:46
  not these iconic, untouchable, like perfect people God used
• 28:53
  very, very flawed people. Yes, he did to.
• 28:57
  Do incredible things. And so a lot of this devotional
• 29:01
  is really a, it's for the person who has struggled to relate to
• 29:06
  the Bible at times or who has felt like too aware of their own
• 29:10
  shortcomings. And, and, and, you know, they
• 29:13
  just somehow feel like, I don't know if I could do the whole
• 29:16
  Christianity thing. Well, this is really for, for
• 29:19
  that person because it's a reminder that it's not on us.
• 29:23
  It's all about God. It's really when we're willing
• 29:26
  to grow with him, learn from him.
• 29:30
  He does it. Every person in the Bible and
• 29:32
  these stories that I write about, it's just exploring those
• 29:36
  moments like Moses at the burning Bush and all of the
• 29:39
  doubt he had all of the questions.
• 29:42
  It's easy for us to sit there and be like, now come on, you,
• 29:45
  you got God talking to you through a burning Bush.
• 29:47
  Why don't you just listen to him?
• 29:50
  But like how often do we struggle when when we feel God
• 29:54
  putting something in our hearts and the first inkling is but
• 29:57
  what about XYZ? Fill in the bloom?
• 30:00
  You know. Or, or the moments when, you
• 30:04
  know, God uses us to do something incredible like Elijah
• 30:07
  and slaying the prophets of Baal and all of that.
• 30:11
  And then he goes and he wants to end his life just moments later.
• 30:15
  It's like all of the highs and lows.
• 30:18
  That's what this book really explores.
• 30:20
  And it I try to have fun in the process and laugh and, and not
• 30:27
  laugh at the word, but laugh at the humanity and, and just
• 30:32
  encourage readers to really imagine themselves in these
• 30:36
  situations and, and really imagine them happening even in
• 30:40
  modern day. What would different
• 30:42
  personalities be like? Like, you know, all of a sudden
• 30:46
  the sea is parting. It would be funny like the the
• 30:51
  way people would react and the thoughts and questions.
• 30:54
  So anyway, that's what this book is full of reflections.
• 30:58
  Each devotional ends with reflection questions, prayer.
• 31:03
  It's a combination of biblical wisdom and humor and heart.
• 31:07
  So. I love that because I mean, the
• 31:11
  Bible is humorous, like some of the people in it.
• 31:14
  You're just sitting there going, wow, yeah.
• 31:19
  You know, I think God created us to laugh like because the some
• 31:24
  of the things we do, it's like, duh.
• 31:30
  Yeah, it's like, OK, how do we have reverence for God, love the
• 31:34
  Lord and walk in righteousness, but also realize like his yoke
• 31:39
  is easy. This burden is light.
• 31:42
  Like there is a a world that we can walk with God and, and be
• 31:46
  very serious about our faith. But being serious about our
• 31:49
  faith doesn't mean we have to have an absence of humor.
• 31:52
  Like we suddenly lose all personality.
• 31:55
  It's like, no, it's, it's let's engage and, and really be
• 31:59
  curious with the Lord about what his word means of like, how does
• 32:03
  this apply to us? Look for the practical pieces in
• 32:05
  Scripture. And yeah, so I could go on, but
• 32:09
  I, I just, I had a lot of fun writing it and it was definitely
• 32:16
  a journey of faith because I was like, God, what what do you have
• 32:20
  me writing a book for? Who's going to hear what I have
• 32:23
  to say? You know, but I did it.
• 32:26
  And yeah, it's, it's just definitely very ADHD, you know,
• 32:32
  all over the place with some, some, some entries are very
• 32:35
  serious in tone, others are very funny.
• 32:37
  And it's it's a good blend of things, so.
• 32:41
  I like. That right person, they'll love
• 32:43
  it. I think so too.
• 32:44
  And I've got the same type of brain where it's like, you know,
• 32:49
  one minute you're laughing hysterically at something that
• 32:53
  somebody did, like you're laughing hysterically and
• 32:55
  wanting to smack Peter at the same time.
• 32:58
  And then next minute you're crying because Jesus is being
• 33:00
  crucified. And then you're all of a sudden
• 33:03
  thinking about all the way back to, yeah, the beginning when
• 33:07
  Jesus was first talked about. I mean, your brain just goes
• 33:10
  1,000,000 miles a minute. At least I know mine does when
• 33:14
  I'm reading. And I'm trying to figure out for
• 33:18
  2026 a good way. And I, and I'm sure there's
• 33:22
  other people out there who are trying to think of good ways to
• 33:26
  engage more with the word so that that way we gain what God
• 33:31
  wants us to gain from the word. We would not make it so
• 33:37
  stringent because for those of us with a certain type of brain,
• 33:41
  stringent could equal stop. And we don't want to do that
• 33:47
  because, you know, that equals stagnant.
• 33:51
  So we don't want to do that either.
• 33:52
  But I do appreciate the fact that you bring humor into
• 33:55
  everything because, I mean, if we can't laugh, then seriously,
• 34:00
  what are we still doing here? Like, yeah.
• 34:03
  Yeah, and God created humor. He hated it.
• 34:07
  And he was so funny too. He had jokes that he would say.
• 34:11
  And at least I, I read it was jokes or like, I forget the
• 34:17
  exact passage, but I probably shouldn't even try quoting it.
• 34:20
  But it had something to do with talking to the Pharisees.
• 34:22
  And he's like, hey, Peter, what do you think about this and
• 34:24
  that? And then Peter's like, well, I
• 34:26
  don't know, like nice thing is Hillary's paraphrase.
• 34:32
  Who knows what I was going to talk about.
• 34:36
  But anyway, there's just moments when I'm like, God, you are.
• 34:40
  You're so wise, but also so. There's a snarkiness there, too.
• 34:49
  Yeah, it's like a he's just, I just love him.
• 34:53
  He cracks me up and like even the the wedding in Kingdom when
• 34:57
  Mary runs like Jesus, like you gotta you got we need you.
• 35:00
  He's like, this ain't my time, woman.
• 35:07
  I know the the thing I would never call my mom is woman.
• 35:09
  And he's like woman. And so, yeah, like I think one
• 35:14
  of the things that God is helping me do, and it's not
• 35:17
  saying I've mastered, but I've realized, oh, this really helps
• 35:20
  me engage with the Lord. He's wired my brain to be like
• 35:23
  full of imagination. And I'm very just like I get
• 35:27
  strong like silly visuals in my mind all of the time.
• 35:31
  Same and so. I've tried to like not fight
• 35:34
  against that, but run with it and then like let the Lord leave
• 35:37
  me and not take my imagination as truth, but just like invite
• 35:42
  God in the process of even imagining the wedding in Canaan,
• 35:45
  imagining Mary like running and the people's faces and, and
• 35:49
  Jesus's reactions as I'm reading.
• 35:52
  It's like watching a movie in my mind all of a sudden and it just
• 35:55
  brings it to life and and it makes me laugh versus reading it
• 36:00
  as now is not my time. Woman's like like it's like my
• 36:05
  color it a little. It's like, oh, like, I don't,
• 36:08
  you know? That's why I think the chosen
• 36:12
  has been so, so helpful, like to me because I'm a visual learner
• 36:17
  as well. And so seeing certain things
• 36:20
  like seeing the Passion of the Christ and seeing the 10
• 36:25
  commandments and seeing even though that is a really long
• 36:27
  movie. Commandment, right?
• 36:32
  I don't even know if I get to the 9th one by the time I fall
• 36:34
  asleep. Just walk.
• 36:37
  Like seeing the visuals on things.
• 36:39
  That really helps me personally and I know a lot of people are
• 36:42
  visual learners and helps us to be able to see things a little
• 36:47
  differently and to be able to understand and like you said,
• 36:50
  put ourselves in those situations.
• 36:53
  Like what we do. If we were standing there and
• 36:55
  Joseph is dealing with his brothers and you're sitting
• 36:58
  there going, I now I would punch every single one of them out and
• 37:02
  then maybe drop them in the well.
• 37:04
  And he's sitting there saying for what you guys did to me and
• 37:08
  it was supposed to bring me down and cause me to lose my life.
• 37:13
  God used it to change lives and save many people.
• 37:17
  Yeah. So I think that that's.
• 37:19
  Like really. OK, Yeah, exactly.
• 37:21
  Joseph I love, I love Joseph. He he cracks me up because even
• 37:25
  him imagining him with his coat of many colors, I know like I
• 37:29
  imagine he might might have been a little flashy.
• 37:31
  He had a swag with him but. He had a dream, you know I had a
• 37:35
  dream. That all.
• 37:45
  Brothers are like, really okay. Here's what we're going to do to
• 37:50
  you. Now this.
• 37:51
  I'm going to throw you in a pit like.
• 37:53
  And you're going to go into slavery.
• 37:54
  Good luck. Or even the brother that was
• 37:56
  trying to like, because, you know, they wanted to kill him.
• 37:59
  At first he thought maybe not, maybe we don't kill them.
• 38:03
  Maybe. Maybe you know, like.
• 38:06
  Just let a jacket get eaten up by something a little bit, let
• 38:08
  it get a little torn up a little bit, and say that she died that.
• 38:12
  Way yeah, the whole dynamic is like, not all of it is funny.
• 38:15
  It's like, but it's just the humanity you can actually start
• 38:18
  to see like, OK, these were real people with personalities and
• 38:23
  all of that that that God is talking to us about.
• 38:28
  So I think the more we just remind ourselves, whether you
• 38:31
  read this devotional, which I think you'll love it, you should
• 38:33
  get it. Whether you read this devotional
• 38:35
  or you're just, you're reading the word constantly reminding
• 38:38
  ourselves this is not a made-up story.
• 38:41
  These are not just some hypothetical situations.
• 38:44
  These are real people who went through these things.
• 38:47
  And the more we remember they're real people.
• 38:50
  I honestly think it brings us deeper into the story.
• 38:54
  Just envisioning that the Pharisees, they're like, you
• 38:59
  know, walking around like, like, what were they like?
• 39:04
  Right. All of those things that I think
• 39:06
  we just reflect on, God will use.
• 39:09
  Amen Hillary. I love this conversation.
• 39:12
  Like how we can literally have two types of conversations in
• 39:15
  the same conversation, which is so.
• 39:18
  Much, which is pretty much the book.
• 39:21
  OK, It's pretty much me, like 1 minute I could be deep in the
• 39:23
  trenches, like yes, healing, overcome and the next like Oh
• 39:28
  yeah, like. I love it.
• 39:33
  I love it. And you guys, Hillary, like I
• 39:37
  just met her and I swear I just love her.
• 39:40
  So where can people find? You too, Gina.
• 39:44
  Where can people find you and to see your content and also get
• 39:48
  your book? You can find me online at
• 39:51
  Hillary Caitlin that's 2L SHILLARY Caitlin with AC talk
• 39:59
  like that. You could just look at Hillary
• 40:01
  Caitlin or Hills of Hope and and you'll find me online on all
• 40:06
  platforms. You can get it on Amazon.
• 40:08
  That's probably the easiest one. If you go to Barnes and Noble, I
• 40:13
  recommend you look on the website because it's at select
• 40:15
  stores. So just check their website, see
• 40:18
  if they have it at your location, but I think they will
• 40:22
  order it to the location as well if you want it so.
• 40:24
  There's that, my brain while reading the Bible.
• 40:30
  You guys, I know I'm going to go follow Hillary when we get out
• 40:33
  of this discussion because I need me a little more humor in
• 40:37
  my life as well. So humor, Mark, with
• 40:41
  seriousness. I need it both.
• 40:43
  So that goes with the both and that we were talking about at
• 40:46
  the beginning. Hillary, I've loved, absolutely
• 40:49
  loved our discussion today. Go give Hillary a follow and go
• 40:52
  get yourself a copy of my brain while reading the Bible and let
• 40:56
  the Bible come alive in your life in 2026.
• 40:59
  Thank you, Hillary, for coming today.
• 41:01
  Thank you for having me. Thanks y'all for listening.
• 41:03
  Tune it to the next episode. It's going to be great.
• 41:06
  I don't know what it's about, but she's going to do a great
• 41:08
  job. Now that's the way to end the
• 41:14
  show. See y'all soon.
• 41:17
  Bye. Thank you so much for joining me
• 41:21
  for this episode, the Anchor by the Sore podcast.
• 41:24
  I pray that the story that you heard today will encourage your
• 41:27
  faith, challenge your faith, and also help you as you walk in
• 41:31
  your daily life. If this episode has done that,
• 41:34
  please feel free to leave a five star rating and review wherever
• 41:38
  you listen to this podcast so that others can find it and grow
• 41:42
  as well. Have a blessed week and I'll
• 41:44
  talk to you next episode.