Latest / Feedbag with Nat Lauzon / Episode 24: Dating in Midlife: We Read Real Dating DMs and OMG (PART 2)
Transcript
- nat: Because sex depends on who you're with. Like you said before, not everybody likes the same thing in every way. Yes. But kissing. I mean, it's kind of more standard, maybe. Yeah. There's nothing worse than a shitty kiss. Yeah. But also a shitty conversation. So I I'm not answering this question. Next. I'm out. That's all I had. Pass. Let's see. What else did I want? yeah. Do you want to talk about any of these fucked up messages you got from dudes? Yeah. Like do you have any with you? Or you do? Yeah, yeah. Okay. You want me to read it out? Yeah, go for it. Okay. So this guy, we we swiped on each other. Okay. So he writes me first. Hi, how are you? So a beautiful woman you are. It's good to see you know what you want. Masculine, old-fashioned with morals and values. That's me. Honest, sincere, loyal with a heart of gold. So far, so good. So far, fine. But by reading your profile, I also have a feeling that somehow you kind of look down on people. Their financials, living. Health situation and so on. I'm someone very humble and treat everyone equal. I consider myself pretty successful, an engineer. I own properties. I'm a silent partner in a restaurant in Montreal. And yet I'm not looking for anything in particular except a real nice, genuine person. Honestly, I liked your profile, I was just, how can I put it, disappointed. My gut is telling me to stay away. There's a reason she is on here. And and and why are you here? Well, exactly. Anyhow. Thank you for liking my profile. I hope you find what you're looking for. But remember, act of kindness, humility, honesty, and down to earth. And I what? I burst out laughing when I read this because obviously doesn't know me at all. Hey, it's it's great to meet you. But you seem like a dick and I'm not. Yeah. So bye. Yeah. I and why are you writing me? Why why even bother? Yeah. Look at the profile and then say no thanks. Like, why would you even bother? Yeah. It's kind of like he had to twist the knife to say, look what you're missing. You're an asshole. Yeah. Make a judgment call on you and leave. Yeah. So I just blocked him. It's like, no, not even worth it. I was gonna reply that I'm like, MF, don't. Don't put any energy into this. Don't even give him your time. Sounds like someone who actually has none of those things. Yeah. I have a whole whole file in my phone of screenshots from dating stuff that's happened to me. so for example, this guy writes me and you can see he's clearly my type physically. Right. And we matched. We stu swiped on each other. Okay, so it's gonna be in French. Okay. So he writes, I'll translate. hi, you have too many conditions and it's very heavy. Are you that superior to others to ask so much of them? Food for thought, good luck. So I was like, what? So I answered, OMG, why did you swipe on me? If the shoe doesn't fit, don't bother. I'm not asking for anything that I can't offer. And if it's too much for some, they can go look elsewhere. Yeah. Good luck. Why bother sending a message if you're not interested? Like d It's like they're taking your profile as a personal insult. Yes. 100 percent. You don't match what I'm looking for, so you're mad. So they just want to send you a message to say how much they don't like you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They have that much time and bandwidth in their lives. look at this guy. He posts this picture, his age, where he's from, my type physically, right? Yeah, yeah. And then I happen to be scrolling on Facebook and One of my friends liked this post. Same guy with his girlfriend celebrating two-year anniversary. On the same day. Yeah. Did you write him? I wrote my friend and I sent her this. And I'm like, can you tell your friend that he's on dating app? What is what is that thing? And I I joined it, that Facebook group. no, we can't talk about it though. We can't because men can't know about it. Never mind. We can't nothing. Nothing to see here. Move on. in that group though. This guy got posted. Okay. And I was like, Huh? I dated this guy. Last year. Okay. For short time, maybe a couple of months. he's married with three kids. You didn't know. I didn't know. I knew he had three kids, but he told me he was separated and like everything jived with what he told me. And I saw him regularly. Like, I don't know how he He's so so the wife is actually in the comments. She came. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. The internet is a good thing. So like this guy says he's 43. No, you are Sir, sir. You are not 43 on any planet, on any timeline. you are not 43. man. And then the rest, like, it's just stupid things. Like, you know, you match, and then the guy's like, Good morning, good morning. How are you? Would you be open to meeting for a coffee? I think it's more fun than texting. And then I go to answer, I'm blocked. So I'm like, I Guess he now just read my profile and realizes it didn't work. a couple of men have told me that they swipe right on every woman they find attractive. And then they look after. After. Because apparently they get so few matches. That it's an easier way of filtering than to actually reading through because you know, women tend to write more complete profiles. Yeah. So they don't want to unless it's a match. Okay. But then so this happens where you start talking to someone and then boop suddenly they block you and you're like, I guess he hadn't read it. That's so shitty. Yeah, it's a little shitty. Yeah. It's a waste of time. Like we're all involved. For them to send it, for you to read it. It's like, man, okay, we can't like I I don't want to end this on a sour note. Yeah, I don't want people to feel like Can we talk some about some of the positives or the because I I I met some great people when I went to Of course, me too. Yeah. And they're they're not all assholes. They're not all. It's just that you remember the assholes. Of course you remember the assholes. You always remember anyone who's been a jerk to you. But there's would you say it's been more good people than not? Yes. Mm well, maybe half and half. But it's hard to say not good people. Maybe just not. Completely honest people. Right. Okay. It doesn't mean they're bad people in their heart. Okay. They're just maybe not super honest about everything. But also though, if we want to because we've been talking about online dating only, because we can talk about organic meetings as well. Right? Yeah. So which like rarely happens anymore. Right. So I find that it's very uncommon nowadays for a man to physically come up to you. Yes. It's rare. Yeah. It is rare. Yeah. is it is it us that's intimidating? Is it them that have lost their balls along the way? Both? I don't know. But so far in the last, let's say, two years, I've had maybe four men come up to me in person. Three of them were at the gym. Okay. Of those, one of them is married. And I only found out on our second date. Yep. Yep. Yep. and that one was upsetting because I was very interested because we'd been seeing each other at the gym all the time. And we were talking and then he asked me out, but by the time he finally asked me out, I had just started seeing someone else. Right. And I don't juggle very well. So I told him, I said, listen, bad timing. Like if you would have done this a month ago, like I just started seeing someone else. So let me see where it goes, you know, type of thing. His answer to that was, that's cool. What about your friend? What? my God. Okay, so you're not free. And what about your friend? my god. And like at least if we looked similar. Yeah. She's like Taller, she's Asian, he doesn't care. He doesn't care. He's just like I was like, but was he newly? No. No. Cause sometimes if they're newly out of a relationship, they're like anyone, dude. Yeah, no. Yeah. humongous turnoff. Yeah, super. Also, like, what about your friend? Like, not even that, but also like asking you. Yeah, me, me. You just ask me if she's interested in me. Yeah. Yeah, no. Barf again, n we're almost fifty here. Yeah. Like seriously. What was that? Yeah. You know, so and then and then the latest one was a friend's sister's ex. Okay. And that's okay. Because I kind of have a history. Like I know about the person. Okay. And they know about me. And they've been separated a while. So it's it's it's, you know, at some point. There's recycling happening no matter what. It's true. The the six degrees everywhere all the time. Yeah. I wish that men would be more forward and actually come up to you and talk to you. Yeah. It's flattering. It is. But not only that, like it's flattering, but there's even more interest from our part in that time because they're like we you're like, Yeah. He's he's got balls like 'cause nobody does that anymore. Yeah. I I remember like a couple of years ago I was out and I had to get a blood test early and so I I was up early and then I stopped at my local coffee shop and I was getting into my car and I put the coffee on the top and I was getting in and a guy walked by and he said, Hey and I was like, no Like I was like this is I'm gonna be annoyed, like you're gonna be selling something or I don't know. You're just gonna Annoy me. And I don't want to be annoyed because I'm having such a great day. Yeah. And I was getting in my car and he said, Hey, and I went, Yeah. And he goes, You're beautiful. And I was like, Huh? Thank you. And then he left. He goes, Have a great day. Did you forget your coffee on the roof? I didn't forget my coffee on the roof. I didn't. And I was like, you know what? That's so See? That's so nice. Yeah. Because I was feeling like such a good vibe. And I was like, a person noticed it and he wasn't trying to be creepy and he wasn't and he and he left me alone. And I was like, you know what? That was really sweet. That was nice. Yeah. Yeah. It was nice. But I like to do that too. Yeah, even with women. Especially with women. Yeah. I will tell a woman, Yeah. Your hair looks amazing. Brand like a stranger in the store. Yep. Yeah. Me too. So when men do that, it's like, Normalize complimenting people. Yes. Let's do that. Yes. It doesn't have to be to pick them up either. I love your eyelashes, by the way. They're fresh from Wednesday days. You look really good. Thank you. I try. are there some dates that stand really stand out to you? Like weird stuff that's happened. Yeah. Or like Yeah, weird stuff that's happened. Yeah. So we were talking about love bo love bombing before. In the past few months there's been a couple of long love bombers who were all gone by now and look at that. Yeah. but one of them I was very excited to meet actually, even though he was love bombing, like he had a lot of what I was looking for and he was moving to Montreal from BC. I wanted to know about that guy. That guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. we were talking a lot and like video calls and all of that, and like you know how I am. Like I reiterated many times, like you don't want kids, right? You don't smoke, right? Like just because you know. Yeah, yeah. And then we were talking about his car. So was he gonna Bring his car to Montreal or sell it in Vancouver and then buy a car here. Like it was a whole thing, like so and it was a Mercedes whatever car, like a big sedan. So he was like, I think I'm gonna sell it here because they're worth more cars are worth more in Vancouver than they are in Montreal, and then I'll I'll buy one in Montreal. Check this out. So he's 10 years younger than me. Okay. Okay. 38. So we're on the phone. And I'm like, so what's happening with the car? Cause he had just gone to the dealership the day before. And he's like, I was looking at the Ble ble model and the blibly model. Okay, I don't remember. I love those models, but yeah, me too. Like I like I love cars, but I I don't know I don't know these ones. They're they're they're letters and numbers. Yeah, I know. It's always letters and numbers. Yeah, I'm like, what? I'm just gonna call them A and B, okay, because don't remember. He goes, the A is bigger. And it's more luxurious. It might be more than what I need because he really thinks he needs an SUV because he's coming to Montreal. I'm like, you don't. You're gonna live downtown. You're gonna have indoor parking, honey. Like it's okay. Anyway, whatever. He wants an SUV. Fine. It's really big. It's gonna take a lot of gas. He goes, but there's more room in the back seat for a baby seat. We're on a video. And I said, what? Are you talking to the wrong woman? And he's like, no, I'm just saying. And you see, he went like, fudge. He was like, no, no, I'm just saying there's more. I'm like, nah, na na na. We've established you told me you did not want kids. Hence why we've been talking for a month. He goes, Don't be mad. Come on. I was just kidding. I'm just saying that I'm like, no, no, nah. No. So what? So I was like, I gotta go. And ended the call. So do you think he was talking to other women? Well, obviously. Wow. What kind of man mentions needing? Where are you going, Bubby? She's going there. Yeah, go. Needing room for a car seat, for a baby seat. To a woman who's made it extremely clear. my God. He was cast in a wide of ladies to greet him upon his arrival. Screw you, dude. There's that. Like leave the awesome women for awesome men. You know? Just don't waste people's time. Cross. Yeah. And he came back. So this was like maybe a month ago. He came back last week, hi babe. I booked my flight. I'm coming to Montreal October, da da da da. Will you meet me? No. No, I as the one who wants babies. another funny one. One of the things that I also ask about is you love dogs, right? Because I have two and they're a lot. And they're big. And they're very, very present in our lives. And so I was talking to this guy. We had a couple of dates. I wasn't sure about him, but he was very kind. And consistent. So I was like, let's see where this goes. And he was leaving on vacation. So I didn't have any free time for him in the two days before he was leaving. I was booked. So he was like, But I have to see you before I leave. I said, Okay. I said, if you want, meet me after work at this time. I'm walking my dog for an hour. So come walk the dog with me and we'll have an hour to chat. Yeah. Better than nothing, right? Comes on the day of, we've been talking throughout the day, on his way to meet me, he he's about five minutes away and he's like, It looks like it's gonna rain. And I said, Yeah, I brought my rain jacket. Dog still needs to be walked. Yeah. Gets there, parks the car. He's like, It's raining. I'm like, Yeah, I know. He's like, I'm not gonna walk in the rain. I'm like, You're not made of chocolate. We can have a walk. Put your jacket on. He's like, no, no, I'm not walking in the rain. He goes, why don't you bring your dog home and we'll go for a drive? What? He needs to walk. It's five o'clock. Right. He's walking five to six. Right. And then I have to go. Yeah. Because he needs to walk. Yeah. Anyway, I'm like, well, I'm walking. Do what you want. So I start walking. He goes, I'm just gonna drive beside you. For an hour. No. For an hour. So I had to stay on the right side of the road wherever I was walking so that he could stay next to me. And I was like, somebody's gonna call the cops. You look like a crazy stalker. Yeah. And he's like, I'm not walking in the rain. And I'm like, How okay, how rainy was it? Not very. Like they was just spitty. Yeah, it was spitty. Yeah. So and I have my Columbia with the hoodie, you know. And that's and it's raining to that degree. That's a light. That's it's that light. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm walking my dog. So he drove next to me for an hour. And at one point he makes a comment and he's like, Wow, you must really love your dog to walk it in the rain. And I'm like, that's what you have to do when you have a dog. And I said, Don't you love dogs anyway? I'm not much of an animal person. Why are you here? Why are you So me, you know me with this face, right? I stopped walking out. Like I said. Why did you write me? Why did you write me? We've been on like five dates. What a waste of time. Yeah. Why did you write me? Yeah. And he was like, because look at you. Look at that face and that smile. I'm like, it's not smiling now. I'm like, what a waste of time. I'm walking, finish my walk. we go back to the parking lot and then he's like, Could you could you tie your dog to the post so that you can give me a hug? I'm like, first of all, as you know, my dog was found left tied to a post and has trauma. I'm not tying him to a post to leave him there to give you a hug. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. And he knows the dog wins over you. One hundred percent. Any day. Any day. Every day. I'm like, but come out of the car and ignore him. So he comes out of the car and then my dog's like kind of excited to see him, but my dog doesn't like strangers. So So I'm like, just don't touch him, just ignore him. Let's just walk to the corner. It was barely raining by now. I said, let's just walk to the corner. So we walk to the corner and then my dog goes up to him and and sniffs his hand and he goes, he licked me. And I'm like, that's good. Yeah. And he's like, no, no. I'm like, okay, honey. I said, you have a good trip. Like, no. but You turned the camera. Hi, people. now it's just me. That's a good blooper, actually. So that was the last time I saw him or spoke to him. Yeah, well no. I mean What the hell? I I I what I just find annoying is that, you know, you make everything so clear. I know. You make everything so clear in your profile and then people don't listen. but then the fact that you've made it so clear pisses people off. Yeah, you can't win. You can't win. We can't win. This is why you go on like on off periods of dating. Like I get burnt out. It's exhausting. You have to want to do it. So then I stop. And then I don't want to talk to anyone. Yeah. For like long stretches because I'm like, I'm done. Yeah. Like he will materialize in my living room, right? You never know. I think that's a good piece of advice for people. It's like if you're in midlife and you're dating, try not to stress over it. Like take your time. If it's exhausting, don't do it. Yeah, take a break. Take a break. Take a break. Take a break. You can pick it back up. And and I think a lot of people like are they don't like the, you know, rejection part of it, but it's gonna be part of it. It's gonna be part of it. So You're gonna reject, you're gonna get rejected. Yeah. It's all good. Yeah, it's all good. You have to kind of have a bit of a thick skin about that. Yeah. Any advice any advice or more advice for people who find themselves in this this position? yeah, just be real. Be real. Say the real things nicely, but say the real things. Like just take the time to read first, please. That's that's like it sounds so basic. Read the profile. Yep. Before. Yep. Don't waste anybody's time. Yep. I just gave you. examples of like and I'm frustrated because I wouldn't have given them all these hours over time. and you even like rechecked with it. I always recheck. And then I look like a psycho. I look like a psycho rechecking three times. You don't smoke, right? Right. But then they smoke. They smoke. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. So and then the other piece of advice is men go up to women, please, at the grocery store at at the market. Just do it. We like that. We like it. It's nice. We do like it. And you know, even if that person's in a relationship or not interested or maybe You have made their day. Yeah, you'll make their day anyway. So just don't be creepy about it. Yeah. And you'll be fine. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's it? We're good. I think we're good. Okay. thank you, my friend. Always if you have any comments about midlife dating, please leave them below and of course like, share, subscribe, it all helps. And we'll see you next time on Feedbag. Yay! Thank you. Even talking about it makes me exhausted.