Latest / Terri Messenger's Genius Zone / Single and Not Settling The Journey to Self Worth

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Single and Not Settling The Journey to Self Worth · Terri Messenger's Genius Zone

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This path, that or the nudge that I've got right now is more
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focused on my life, travelling, my business, helping other
0:08
women, building a coaching program for confidence.
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It's all of that stuff now. Because yes, yes, I do still
0:16
believe that you do trust the universe.
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But again, I'm honest. I had a real talk on my podcast
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and I'll do it here as well. It's sometimes it's a struggle
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to trust the universe when it gives you too many lessons.
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Absolutely. And you know, I guess it's just
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finding that faith though, isn't it?
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So you also are big on the healing of the heart and taking
0:40
ownership of your patterns. So, you know, healing those
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patterns and traumas. Why is it so important?
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And I know that because you happen to be a Reiki
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practitioner as well, you can help people to open up their
0:55
heart, you know, why is that so important for them to heal
1:01
first? Yeah, because we go through
1:06
life, we get disappointed, frustrated, we get heartbroken.
1:09
We have experiences not just with with men or relationships,
1:13
but with friendships and family. And if we hold those emotions
1:17
in, they get stuck in our chakras.
1:20
So our energy centres, right? And what what that can happen,
1:25
what happens from that is we then tend to believe that you're
1:29
not worthy, that the old stories and the old patterns will come
1:32
up because you're feeling a certain way.
1:34
You're not in a higher vibration.
1:36
You're feeling very low. You're going to think the bad
1:39
things about yourself. You're going to believe that
1:41
there's no good men out there. You're going to believe that
1:43
you're never going to find someone.
1:44
And that's a repeating story you're going to be telling
1:47
yourself. You're going to close your
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heart. You're not going to open your
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heart. And it's not just opening your
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heart to a relationship or a man.
1:54
It's opening your heart to life to show you how good it can
1:57
actually be. It's, you know, closing off from
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opportunities that you may be missing that are right in front
2:03
of you because you're focused on the bad, the negative, what
2:06
people did to me. I can't move on.
2:08
You know, I'm in regret. You know, I'm in apathy, all of
2:11
the things. But when you work on knowing
2:14
what your patterns are, it's hard work because you actually
2:19
have to look at yourself in the mirror and be like, This is why
2:22
this happened. This is how I contributed to to
2:25
it somehow. But also knowing that you have
2:28
the power within you to heal yourself through either
2:31
meditations, visualizations, Reiki, energy work to release
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all of that breath work even is such a powerful tool to release
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all of that stuff that's stuck in you right but once.
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You do. Absolutely.
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And then once you do, you open yourself up to this new world.
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It's like your sight changes. It's like you can see things
2:55
differently. I, I can't explain it, but it's
2:58
just like you, things that you were there, you could not see
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before because you were focused on the negative things, you
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know, and it's like if we hold, if we move through all of that
3:11
stagnant energy that's stuck there, then we can be open to
3:15
life and it can show you how good it actually is.
3:19
And that's the power in it. And that's what I get really
3:21
excited about. My name is Terry Messenger and I
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am Hey, hey, hey and welcome. Welcome to Terry Messenger's
3:34
Genius Zone. And you know, this is the place
3:39
in the space where you are going to get your own free master
3:45
class. Absolutely free.
4:33
Hey, hey, hey, and welcome, welcome to this week's special
4:38
edition. And ladies, you better buckle up
4:42
because this is where you are going to be held accountable for
4:49
being the absolute highest version of yourself and totally
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embracing and embodying yourself, especially the Single
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Ladies. Now, how many of us have lived
5:05
our lives on society norms like it's normal that I should have a
5:13
significant other. It is normal that I should have
5:16
children. It's normal that I should have
5:19
this amount of money. Well, this is the show that is
5:23
about to blow all of that out the window so that you can
5:28
literally manifest what you want to call in because what you want
5:38
also wants you. So if you ever thought to
5:42
yourself, you know, there's a desperation about finding that
5:47
partner, you're going to find out what it's going to take.
5:52
So I am about to bring on a beautiful woman.
5:56
This woman has transitioned from the corporate world for over 20
6:01
years and into a place in a space that she herself has
6:06
mastered. And Speaking of mastery, she's a
6:09
Reiki practitioner, and she will bring that wonderful opening of
6:16
heart through her Reiki, helping you to release toxic
6:23
relationships and awaken your intuition.
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So get ready to meet this beautiful lady because this is
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going to be a grand show. And furthermore, it's also going
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to have a seed that you're not going to want to miss at the end
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with a meditation visualization. Hello, beautiful Vanessa.
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Hello Terry, thank you so much for having me on your show.
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I feel so blessed to be here today.
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I am even more blessed and I tell you what, our listeners are
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going to be very, very, very blessed because there are so
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many people out there in the single lane and you know, times
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are different. Times have changed.
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It's not about meeting your loved one significant other at a
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dance or at the local disco or, you know, at a friend's party.
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It's, it doesn't happen like that anymore.
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You know, times have changed, but you are all about not
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settling and I think that that is probably the key to where we
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can hit the ground running. In fact, you've even got a
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podcast on being single and not settling.
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Would you like to really just unwrap that and what that means
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when you say own yourself being single and don't settle?
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Yeah, absolutely. And This is why I created that
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podcast and the name Single and Not Settling, because it's about
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owning who you are and accepting who you are in your time and
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your season of being single. And I'm in my early 40s, I'm 41,
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and I've spent a lot of my life dating, wanting that
8:15
relationship, wanting the companionship.
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And I've got to the point now I'm just like, looking back on
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that journey, I'm like, how did I get here?
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And it was unpacking my patterns, unpacking any traumas,
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unpacking my past relationships and how I contributed to being
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in that mediocre, comfortable relationship, not being able to
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speak up, finding my voice and setting boundaries.
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And there's not much out there for single women to unpack this
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with. Like, there's not a lot of
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resources for single women. And it's hard.
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Like anyone who is dating at the moment knows that it's hard.
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Connecting with men is hard. Dating apps have made it nearly
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impossible for anyone to have a conversation and communicate
9:10
like adults. And single men are done.
9:15
Single women are done. Oh, it's very bad.
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I'm hearing you. I, I look, I hear it from so
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many of my single friends. And I'm wondering somehow too,
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because when you're not looking, whether there's more of a chance
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that you actually attract anyway, Because, you know, I
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have, you know, been kind of in a position where I could have
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met somebody else in the most darndest of places and spaces.
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But I think that's because I definitely feel a sense that,
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you know, I have love. And I know that you're going to
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talk about this later in the show and why it's so important
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to love yourself first. But I was very fortunate because
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even though my husband is very ill, in fact, facially, I'll, I
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had love like, you know, a million lifetimes.
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So the love that he gave me was so unconditional.
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And I say it like it's past tense, even though he's still
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alive, but because of his situation, it's completely
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changed. But I, I feel that he has
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instilled anything in me like a, a healer himself that I may have
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not had from, you know, my youth because I, I know what that's
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like. But do you want to open up why
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it's so important for people to, you know, find themselves 1st
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and love themselves first before they start going looking for
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someone else to try to fill that void?
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Yeah, absolutely. And this is a thing like when we
11:03
fill a void of what we think that we want, we tend to choose
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the men who are the exciting, that they're intense.
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And that's a red flag, right? And we just want to fill a void.
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We just want that dopamine here. We just want to have the
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attention, the validation. And in that moment, we can
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really choose the wrong person. And going on that path of the
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wrong person could be a narcissist, a toxic
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relationship, and we're ignoring all the red flags because we
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just want someone, something or someone to fill the void.
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But then knowing that, and this is what they don't teach us in
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school, which is what I think we should be learning in school
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because it would have saved me years of heartbreak.
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And that is, it's like you can have that love with yourself
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first. You can have that companionship
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and that intimacy with yourself. You can explore yourself, which
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has been something that how I've, you know, learned in the
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last few years, that I can give myself that pleasure that I'm
12:05
seeking from an external source, but I can give that to myself.
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I can build up the confidence in myself.
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I don't need someone else to give that to me from outside.
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I can find that in me. Like knowing that we already
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have that inside of us, but we forget because we go through our
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childhood. We get programming from our
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parents, from our teachers, from our authority figures.
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We forget who we are and it's kind of then in our adulthood,
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we're unpacking all of our stuff from childhood and then coming
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back to who we really are. And that's where I'm at today.
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And I love myself, flaws and all.
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I accept all my mistakes that aren't really mistakes.
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They just put you back on the path to find out who you really
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are. And with all of that, when you
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think. About it Vanessa, the people
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that love you the most know you the most like they see you for
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the highs and the lows. It's, it's not just about, you
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know, oh, you know, the exciting and like you say, the dopamine
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hit that people are looking for, which can be like a drug anyway.
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So I just to reiterate what you said there.
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You know, if you're looking for someone to give you that
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dopamine hit, you know, that's not necessarily going to be the
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right person. And I love the fact that, you
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know, you are about loving yourself and finding yourself
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first because that does create a kind of a, a higher vibrational
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element of truth. But I'm just going to go back
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here for a moment. Let's just take a step back
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because you're such a beautiful speaker.
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And that was not always the way it was because when you were
14:00
young, you actually had a stutter and you were actually
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made fun of by a male teacher. So how did that have an effect
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on you later on? And obviously now you're healed
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from that. Or like many of us, we can all
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have a stutter now and again anyways if we're tired or, or
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whatever, whatever. But how did that affect your
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voice and expressing your truth? Yeah, look, it actually affected
14:34
me in a few ways. So I remember when I was in
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primary school and the the teacher, male teacher had asked
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us to read the start of a paragraph and I couldn't get the
14:45
words out. And I was trying and I was
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stuttering and he started laughing at me.
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And in my mind, I then associated men making fun of me
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because it wasn't only the first time that it happened.
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And then I couldn't speak up because I had a stutter and I
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was shy. And I'm like, well, if I can't
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talk, if I'm shy, I'm not going to stand up for myself.
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I'm not going to ask any questions.
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And I think it impacted my learning a little bit as well.
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But then also there was another example of my sister's
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boyfriend, young at the time, He was 17 years old.
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And he drew like a picture of me randomly.
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I don't know how that came about.
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And I was a picture of an elephant.
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And I'm like, what? And I felt unsafe around men
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because it made me feel that I wasn't enough, that there was
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something wrong with me, that I can't be authentic.
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I can't show up as I am because someone is going to laugh at me.
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And I only came across that realization a few years ago
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because I, yes, I've always been shy.
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I've never been the one to ask questions or be assertive, but
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then knowing where that's all come from and then giving you
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know myself what I need in that moment was a was very powerful.
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So for me, it then impacted and showed up in future
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relationships. When I was in my late teens,
16:16
early 20s, I was in the relationship with someone and it
16:21
was very mediocre. It was very comfortable and I
16:25
didn't know any different because I thought maybe this is
16:28
what a relationship is meant to be like.
16:30
Because like I said, you can't really talk to your parents
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about that. Like my parents weren't
16:35
divorced. They were together, but it was
16:37
just a routine marriage. You know, Mum was a caregiver at
16:42
home, Dad went to work, Mum cooked, you know, dad did the
16:45
stuff outside. So I'm like, oh, maybe this is
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what a relationship is meant to be.
16:50
And then he had cheated on me. And I thought, oh, OK, what do I
16:57
do now? And I remember I was angry and I
17:00
expressed some words, but I ended up taking him back
17:02
probably at three months later because I was told by someone
17:05
else, this is what you should do.
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And I'm like, oh, well, I don't know any better.
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I can't speak up for myself. I'm just going to continue.
17:13
And it continued for another three years.
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But there was no trust. There was no excitement in the
17:18
relationship. I didn't feel desired.
17:20
I didn't really feel loved. I felt more obligated to be
17:24
there. And I'm like, well, how do I
17:26
break up with him? Like, how do I get out of this?
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And there was this moment where I was just sitting in the car
17:34
park just feeling really deflated and depressed.
17:37
And I said, look, we just need a break.
17:41
And like, I think it's a break up.
17:42
It's not permanent. And that was when it shifted
17:48
from, OK, now we're going to do life without this relationship.
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And I was now in my late 20s. So it was a long relationship.
17:57
So most of my 20s mediocre relationship that I that I was
18:02
cheating on and it took him back because someone told me to.
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And then I'm like, OK, now how do I do life?
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Like what do I do with myself? You know, and this is exactly
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what the Genius Zone is all about.
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It's about, you know, taking that pain, turning it into your
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power, that old version of yourself that settled suddenly
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lives by discovering what you're looking for in yourself 1st and
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finding that in you. So I mean, I've heard you say
18:38
too backstage that, you know, you kind of enjoy your own
18:42
company. And it's almost like, you know,
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this is, you know, something that, you know, you have
18:49
actually learned to love doing. And, you know, I love your
18:54
challenge that you're talking about.
18:56
And we're going to be talking about the ebook that you've
18:58
written and some of those elements.
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And, you know, I guess let's just go through them.
19:06
So do you believe that trusting the universe for timing is an
19:14
important aspect of, you know, what we want to call into our
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life even with a male mate? So rather than thinking why
19:24
isn't it happening now and where is he or where is she?
19:30
Do you believe that Gabby Bernstein's got a good point
19:34
when she says trust the universe's timing?
19:39
Yeah, and look, I'm going to be real because I, I, I'm real
19:42
talk, right? I know I'm single and there's a
19:45
lot of single women that have been like, where is he?
19:47
Like I've trust in the universe. I'm surrendering.
19:51
What is going on? Why isn't it happening for me?
19:54
And I, you know, I'm spiritual, yes.
19:58
But there are sometimes when I'm just like universe, what are you
20:01
doing to me? Like why are you giving me
20:03
another lesson? Why did I choose this man?
20:06
Why? What is he mirroring back at me?
20:07
Enough with the lessons, right? So, and that's what we do.
20:10
We go through these moments of, you know, when we're single,
20:14
like, what am I doing wrong? Do I need some coaching?
20:18
Am I talking wrong? Do I have to play a game?
20:20
Do I do this? Do I do that?
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There are so many resources out there of how to find someone,
20:26
but then it's like if I come back to things outside of a
20:29
relationship about trusting the timing, about manifesting
20:34
abundance and you know what? I'm wanting to call in, then it
20:37
happens. But for the relationship part,
20:40
it, it just hasn't worked out so far.
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And I'm like, you know what? I'm pinning that.
20:45
And then trusting that this path, that or the nudge that
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I've got right now is more focused on my life, travelling,
20:52
my business, helping other women, building a coaching
20:55
program for confidence. It's all of that stuff now
20:59
because yes, yes, I do still believe that you do trust the
21:03
universe. But again, I'm honest, I had a
21:06
real talk on my podcast and I'll do it here as well.
21:09
It's sometimes it's a struggle to trust the universe when it
21:12
gives you too many lessons. Absolutely.
21:16
And you know, I guess it's just finding that faith though, isn't
21:19
it? So you also are big on the
21:23
healing of the heart and taking ownership of your patterns.
21:28
So, you know, healing those patterns and traumas.
21:32
Why is it so important? And I know that because you
21:35
happen to be a Reiki practitioner as well, you can
21:39
help people to open up their heart.
21:43
You know, why is that so important for them to heal
21:47
first? Yeah, because we go through
21:52
life, we get disappointed, frustrated, we get heartbroken.
21:56
We have experiences not just with with men or relationships,
21:59
but with friendships and family. And if we hold those emotions
22:04
in, they get stuck in our chakras.
22:06
So our energy centres, right? And what what that can happen?
22:12
What happens from that is we then tend to believe that you're
22:16
not worthy, that the old stories and the old patterns will come
22:18
up because you're feeling a certain way.
22:20
You're not in a higher vibration.
22:22
You're feeling very low. You're going to think the bad
22:25
things about yourself. You're going to believe that
22:27
there's no good men out there. You're going to believe that
22:29
you're never going to find someone.
22:31
And that's a repeating story you're going to be telling
22:33
yourself. You're going to close your
22:35
heart. You're not going to open your
22:36
heart. And it's not just opening your
22:38
heart to a relationship or a man.
22:40
It's opening your heart to life to show you how good it can
22:43
actually be. It's, you know, closing off from
22:47
opportunities that you may be missing that are right in front
22:50
of you because you're focused on the bad, the negative, what
22:53
people did to me. I can't move on.
22:55
You know, I'm in regret. You know, I'm in apathy, all of
22:57
the things. But when you work on knowing
23:01
what your patterns are, it's hard work because you actually
23:05
have to look at yourself in the mirror and be like, This is why
23:09
this happened. This is how I contributed to to
23:11
it somehow. But also knowing that you have
23:14
the power within you to heal yourself through either
23:17
meditations, visualizations, Reiki, energy work to release
23:22
all of that breath work even is such a powerful tool to release
23:26
all that stuff that's stuck in you, right?
23:30
But once you do. Absolutely.
23:34
And then once you do, you open yourself up to this new world.
23:38
It's like your sight changes. It's like you can see things
23:41
differently. I, I can't explain it, but it's
23:44
just like you, things that you were there, you could not see
23:49
before because you were focused on the negative things, you
23:52
know, and it's like if we hold, if we move through all of that
23:57
stagnant energy that's stuck there, then we can be open to
24:01
life and it can show you how good it actually is.
24:05
And that's the power in it. And that's what I get really
24:07
excited about. That is awesome.
24:10
I can hear it. I can hear that excitement in
24:13
your voice. And you know, because our
24:15
listeners love getting the value that comes from, you know, this
24:20
podcast, I'm going to go through seven of your pillars.
24:23
The first one is this one. Would you like to tell us why
24:31
this, if you would state it and talk about why this is an
24:36
important part of a, a person who comes into your portal to
24:41
start, you know, to help them to take ownership of themself.
24:45
Absolutely. Look, I'm all about helping
24:48
people embody the confidence and build what they already have
24:52
inside of them that they've forgotten.
24:54
And smiling, saying hello and making eye contact with someone
24:57
that you've passed throughout your day can help build that
25:02
confidence and that muscle memory to know that, OK, I can
25:05
smile at this person. I can make eye contact with this
25:10
person and and say hello and it not have to be a conversation,
25:13
but it gets me out of my comfort zone.
25:16
It builds the confidence. And if you're a woman and you
25:20
know you want to meet men organically, this is another way
25:24
that you can do it. So yes, you can do this with
25:27
anyone on on that you walk by in a shopping centre.
25:30
But if you're out and you have a guy that's caught your eye, make
25:35
eye contact with him and smile. You know, this is the first
25:38
step. And doing that in another space
25:40
outside of that environment can really help you build your
25:43
confidence to do that. So again, when you're seeing a
25:45
guy that you're attracted to, you can kind of look at him and
25:49
give him a smile, and it'd be that invitation for him to come
25:52
over and talk to you. Yeah.
25:54
Like what's the worst thing that can possibly happen?
25:57
And look, I, I will tell you a little story about this, but one
26:01
day I was walking through the, the shopping centre and, and
26:07
this guy walked past me. You know, he's a bit of a bogan,
26:10
you know, typical Aussie bloke in, in my, my neck of the woods.
26:14
And I thought he was somebody else.
26:17
And I smiled at him. And then I realized it wasn't
26:19
who I thought. So I, I, I just kept walking.
26:22
But do you know he approached me.
26:24
He approached me because I smiled at him.
26:27
So he, he took that as, you know, an openness that he could
26:33
talk to me. Now ladies, you're going to love
26:35
this. So pillar #2.
26:40
Pillar number 2 is we're something that makes you feel
26:43
confident and that can either be a lipstick, it can be a perfume,
26:48
it can be a pair of high heels. Me, I love a blazer and high
26:52
heels. It always makes me feel
26:54
confident. But like putting on this outfit
26:56
today for the to record this podcast with Terry, I wanted an
27:00
off the shoulder top, something floral, something a bit flirty
27:03
and sexy to make me feel confident.
27:05
And, you know, it turns out that we're both wearing similar
27:08
outfits today, so maybe we're In Sync.
27:11
Absolutely. I do look absolutely beautiful.
27:13
I do have to say this, and I believe too, that when you look
27:19
good, you feel good. So ladies, that is very
27:24
important. And I think for the men too, you
27:26
know, just putting on a bit of a, a jacket or, you know, a nice
27:29
pair of shoes, you know, is going to to really just step you
27:34
up and help your confidence. So yeah, let's go with #3
27:41
empowering these Single Ladies for confidence.
27:45
Yep. So the next one is so once
27:47
you've made the eye contact once you're then wearing something
27:50
that makes you feel confident in yourself, then you can then
27:54
start a conversation with someone new.
27:56
And this doesn't have to be complex.
27:59
It doesn't have to be a complicated conversation.
28:03
It can be if you're waiting for a coffee with someone, it can be
28:08
Hi, how are you? It can be oh, what's what's your
28:11
favorite coffee order? Just something funny like, and
28:14
it's like disrupting the grid, right.
28:17
So if you ask someone a question that's like out of the ordinary,
28:22
they're like, oh, it's unexpected.
28:25
So they're. Going to I love that.
28:28
So it's like they're going to stop me.
28:30
Like, oh, this woman's got some confidence.
28:32
She's asking me this different question I've never heard
28:35
before. I'm curious.
28:36
I'm going to engage with her, right?
28:39
And you've just done that when you're waiting for a coffee,
28:42
right? So this is how easy it can be.
28:44
Doesn't have to be complicated, you know?
28:48
Yeah, there's lots of different ways you can do that.
28:52
Love it, love it and the next pillar.
28:56
So the next one is to write down 3 moments in the last seven days
29:01
that have made you feel proud. And it could be you going back
29:05
to, oh, I smiled at this person and they smiled back and it made
29:09
me have a spring in my step. It could be that I approached my
29:14
manager and I asked for more flexibility to work from home
29:18
for an example, right? Something that you would
29:20
normally not do that makes you feel proud.
29:23
Like if you're a fellow entrepreneur, it could be, oh, I
29:26
did. I did a story on my social media
29:29
and I spoke to people about what I do, and that makes you feel
29:32
proud. So it can be something really
29:34
small or something really big, but just to write it down makes
29:38
you then look at it and be like, hey, yeah, look, I am.
29:41
I'm proud of myself. Look what I'm doing.
29:44
Yeah, not to mention getting people into the state as well.
29:48
So, you know, because you are hosting events, which if I
29:52
didn't mention this beautiful lady also hosts events, these
29:59
kind of, you know, tactics, I won't call them tactics, but
30:03
they're more about owning yourself and really
30:07
understanding the human psychology about loving you and
30:12
really, really stepping into your next level.
30:16
And by writing that stuff down, by really focusing on what you
30:22
feel proud about, you're putting it in your body.
30:24
So when you're walking out there, you're wearing a nice
30:27
clothes, you're now feeling that sense of pride, you're able to
30:34
be have that quick width and speak confidently so that you're
30:37
not all sassy and awkward and you know, and you're making eye,
30:42
you know, contact with people. So these are gold.
30:46
These are gold Nuggets you're getting right here.
30:49
And you know, here's the next one.
30:52
Because you know a person who values themself is also going to
30:59
know how to do something. Please explain.
31:04
That's right. So the next one is saying no or
31:07
not right now to something that doesn't feel aligned.
31:11
So looking back at my experience, it's been if I've
31:15
got an offer from a friend to say, let's go out here tonight
31:19
or come out to dinner and I'm like, oh, I don't feel like it,
31:23
but I'll go anyway because I feel obligated.
31:26
This is a perfect moment for you to say thank you for the
31:29
invitation, but I prefer a night in tonight.
31:33
Thank you for understanding. And it's setting those
31:35
boundaries with people and valuing your peace, respecting
31:39
yourself, but also honouring your own boundaries because
31:46
yeah, yeah. Because as women we just think
31:48
that we can do everything. You know, it's like the octopus.
31:51
We have everything going at the one time.
31:52
We have plates everywhere. But what happens to us, what
31:56
happens to our self-care and our time with ourselves, we tend to
32:00
give that away too quickly. So speaking up with your new
32:05
found confidence, whether you're wearing the dress or you've, you
32:08
know, approached a guy, he's like, oh, he's responded.
32:11
You have a confidence to then set boundaries and say thank
32:14
you, but no thank you. It's not in alignment with me
32:16
right now. Having that emotional safety and
32:21
that integrity with yourself to love on yourself and also you're
32:26
not watering yourself down too. So I naturally I, I do have that
32:33
and I sometimes I think I could probably give a little bit of it
32:37
away because I tend to be almost hyper focused.
32:40
So I'm quite guarded of my time. What I say yes to who I hang out
32:47
with. I'm, I'm, I don't know whether
32:49
that comes with the territory of, you know, being in my
32:52
position because I can tell you one thing for sure.
32:55
I didn't give much thought to who I hung out with when I was
32:59
young. And I did settle.
33:01
I can tell you that 100%. But I'm just loving all of these
33:07
tips that you're giving. And of course, then we have #6
33:13
the 6th pillar that you teach on.
33:16
Yeah, that's right. Another thing that I find with
33:19
single women is they don't like to do things by themselves.
33:23
They don't take themselves out on a solo date.
33:25
And that's how you know they'll just accept bread crumbs from a
33:28
guy because they just want to go out.
33:30
But really valuing your peace in your own time.
33:33
What I really encourage single women to do is go out on a solo
33:36
date, go have a coffee like in a cafe, sit down by yourself, have
33:42
brunch, go to the movies on your own.
33:44
I can't believe how many single women haven't been to the
33:46
cinemas on their own. When I first did it, I found it
33:51
daunting, but I found it so liberating at the end of it
33:55
because I didn't have to share my popcorn with anyone.
33:58
I didn't have to, you know, listen to someone's commentary
34:02
throughout the movie. You know when your friend like
34:04
goes oh, did you? I'm like, I want to just, I'll
34:06
be one of those. Tables.
34:10
But when you're on your own, it's just you.
34:11
And it's just like the popcorn, the chalk top, and it's just,
34:14
it's liberating. And it's all part of building
34:17
the confidence in yourself to know that you know what, I'm so
34:20
good solo. Like I accept who I am, I love
34:24
myself, and I'm confident to go out on my own and have brunch.
34:28
Have dinner. Like dinner.
34:30
OK, just maybe don't start with dinner because it can be very
34:32
hard for some people. But coffee or brunch is perfect
34:36
for you to start with. And it's it's about really
34:40
liking your own company. And if you don't like your own
34:44
company, how can you expect anybody else to like it?
34:49
So, you know, I, I feel like there's a lot that you're
34:53
teaching that's instilling this empowerment into us.
34:58
But this one's got to be one of my favourites.
35:01
And I know that I've some of the workshops that I've run, the the
35:06
heaviest workshops around trauma have actually come back to this
35:15
powerful teaching. So would you like to talk to us
35:19
about it? Yeah, of course.
35:21
So this one is writing a love letter to yourself and starting
35:26
it off by saying, I'm so proud of the woman who didn't settle
35:29
or I'm so proud of myself because.
35:32
And for you, it's a really reflective piece to look back on
35:37
the positives where you didn't settle, where you made a
35:41
decision to choose something better for yourself because you
35:45
are worthy of it, because you are enough.
35:48
And sometimes those words get thrown around too loosely.
35:54
But when you really look into that and know that it's like, I
35:59
deserve peace. I deserve to be with someone who
36:04
respects me and being proud of any achievement that you've
36:08
made. And it could be in your
36:10
workplace, in your job, knowing that your job or your career
36:14
wasn't in alignment to your values or you were asked to work
36:18
outside of your values out of your own integrity and knowing
36:22
that, OK, this isn't for me anymore.
36:24
And you make that brave choice to move on.
36:26
Like how empowering is that? And this is what, yeah.
36:31
And this is what contributes to you having that confidence and
36:34
really deep digging deep down in you because it's it's in you.
36:38
It's just been covered with all the layers of everything that's
36:42
happened to you in your childhood or your early adult
36:45
life. But.
36:47
When you look back on that letter, that love letter to
36:50
yourself, it's like, damn. Like, yeah, like I'm worthy of a
36:55
life that is great, like abundant and all the things.
36:59
And it gives you the opportunity to dream big as well, because
37:02
once you're in that state, you can dream big, which is what I
37:06
found with myself as well. Yes, yes, if whatever the mind
37:10
can conceive, you can achieve Napoleon Hill.
37:15
So, yeah, that's so true. So I I love so much about what
37:21
you're teaching and preaching and of course the ebook that
37:25
you've written as well. Do you want to talk us through
37:29
that? That's, you know, creating the
37:32
single empowered woman. So what do you reckon is the
37:37
core of that teaching? And probably everything you just
37:42
shared too is definitely surrounding it.
37:46
Yeah, look, I think there is, there is a few exercises in in
37:51
that ebook. It's called The Empowered Single
37:53
Woman. And really knowing who you are
37:56
firstly, and we we go through what your values are.
38:00
And I remember having to fill out a dating profile on eHarmony
38:05
years and years ago, and I asked you what your values were.
38:08
And I didn't know. And I had to really take a hard
38:11
look at myself and find out what values are and what they mean to
38:16
me. And when I did that exercise, I
38:19
found out so much more about myself, but also realized how
38:24
your values and your partner's values really need to be in
38:27
alignment. Because like, if I value health
38:29
and fitness and my partner doesn't, it may not really work.
38:33
So knowing what your values are was like paramount number one.
38:38
Number two, I think in that book, the most important one is
38:42
what your current beliefs are about men and about dating.
38:46
Because like me, if you've been let down and disappointed and
38:50
ghosted and all the terms which I've experienced, you feel a
38:56
certain way. You feel that there are no good
38:58
men out there. You feel that dating apps don't
39:00
work. You feel that singles events
39:03
are, you know, are awkward. And it's all that beliefs and
39:07
that programmings that you have that are holding you back from
39:11
inviting anything else in. So in this ebook we go through
39:15
what your current beliefs are and this is a chance for you to
39:18
just drop in, go deep, do a little meditation and really
39:23
bring up what's really there for you.
39:26
And it's a no judgement space. And then you get to rewire it.
39:31
You get to write down the opposite.
39:33
So say that one is there are no good men out there.
39:36
The opposite of that is that there are, there are such
39:40
genuine kind men out there that are ready to meet me and that
39:46
and Yep, and that becomes your belief instead of there are no
39:49
good men. No, there are such genuine kind
39:52
men out there who are ready to meet someone like me.
39:56
Like how better does that sound than the first?
39:59
10 Write that down. Write that down, ladies, because
40:04
yeah, that is that is absolute gold.
40:08
And this is exciting because we are getting to the part about
40:14
meditation that you've created called Wedding and Seeding.
40:18
So just to give a little bit of a preface, it's almost like I'm,
40:22
I'm kind of visualizing like cultivating the Garden of Eden
40:28
through your heart. And can you talk about, you
40:33
know, why you kind of look at it as waiting and seating?
40:37
Just so we can preface this. Yeah, absolutely.
40:41
So what I find is that we have what no longer serves us, the
40:47
emotions, the stuck energy. We have the scenarios and the
40:51
situations, the people that have heard us, that have betrayed us,
40:57
that we're holding onto. And when you're able to look at
41:01
what they are and then visualize pulling them out one by one,
41:06
you're then left with a patch of soil that is waiting for you to
41:11
plant something new in it. So the soil is cultivated, it's
41:14
fertilized. And then you then visualize, OK,
41:18
now all that is gone. What do I now actually want in
41:22
my life? Now that I've cleared that
41:24
energy, new energy can come in. New ideas, new opportunities,
41:27
new dreams. What do I actually want?
41:31
And then you visualize one thing.
41:33
So say if you wanted a new car, for example, right?
41:39
So I want this new car, I'm putting that speed into the soil
41:42
and it's going to grow. OK, What do I want?
41:44
It's like, oh, I'm really looking to change my job.
41:47
I want to go into this industry. Then that's going into the soil.
41:50
So it gives you that whole opportunity to do that and then
41:54
you then settle and then surrender spoken about that and
41:58
trust that the universe or whatever you believe in will
42:02
grow that. But you've got to tend to that
42:05
garden in a way. You can't just leave it and go.
42:08
You've got to be positive. You've got to make different
42:10
choices, set your boundaries, be confident, say yes to new
42:14
opportunities, which is where the confidence part comes into.
42:18
And then I also like to do a little bit at the end where you
42:20
do look at your little version of you and receive a message
42:26
from her and give her a message that she needed at one point in
42:30
her childhood. Wow, that's pretty powerful.
42:35
My goodness. Are we all ready to experience
42:38
this? Because I know that I definitely
42:41
AM. And yes, so I can't wait.
42:45
So what I love is, you know, I love the symbol that you've
42:50
given and the metaphor because it is so powerful, because even,
42:57
you know, in my world of timeline therapy, what we're
43:01
actually doing is we're going back and we're literally pulling
43:07
that weed. We go from the initial first one
43:11
and it has a domino effect and pulls the root system out and
43:17
then we plant. So you coming up with this
43:21
wedding and seeding is just beautiful because you know what
43:25
everyone can do. And maybe I'll just preface this
43:30
as we go through it with Vanessa, maybe you can think
43:33
about what you would give that inner child.
43:36
So if you needed to go back and really give that inner child
43:42
maybe 3 things, I always like to go for three things.
43:44
So it might be love, security, support, I mean it could be
43:51
something else completely different.
43:53
You know what does that little girl need?
43:55
Confidence, self belief, self empowerment.
44:00
So I'm ready for it, girlfriend. I'm ready when you are.
44:03
So are you OK to give us a little snippet?
44:07
This is a snippet about, you know, on this topic, which is
44:12
beautiful. And this lovely lady's generous
44:15
enough to really just, yeah, bless us with a little
44:19
meditation before we close. Yeah, absolutely.
44:23
I love this. OK.
44:24
Thank you for allowing the the opportunity too.
44:28
OK. So if you're driving, do this
44:33
meditation when you're stopped. If you're at home, find a
44:38
comfortable space whether you're seated or whether you're lying
44:42
down, and close your eyes and turn inward.
44:50
Feel your sit bones on the surface beneath you.
44:55
Feel your back against the surface beneath you and take a
45:02
deep breath in through your nose and then out through your mouth,
45:07
and another deep breath in through your nose and on the
45:15
exhale out. Let your body relax and sink
45:18
into the surface beneath you. And if it feels right for you in
45:26
this moment, I invite you to set an intention for this
45:30
meditation. Allow yourself to be open to
45:39
receive messages. Allow yourself to be open to
45:42
dream big. Allow yourself to go into the
45:48
parts of you that you don't allow yourself to go to very
45:52
often. And take another deep breath in
46:03
and excel out any tension that's leftover.
46:11
So I want you to visualize a path in front of you.
46:17
So you look down at your feet and you begin to walk along this
46:21
path. And as you're walking, you look
46:29
up and you see a big gate. Curiosity continues you to walk
46:40
towards this gate. It's majestic.
46:45
It's surrounded by bluestone walls.
46:51
And as you get closer, the gate is open just that little bit.
47:00
You press the gate and it opens into a garden.
47:08
Looking around, you notice that the garden is full of weeds.
47:17
As you walk closer to the weeds, you then see that they represent
47:26
things that have happened in your life.
47:30
Relationship, betrayal, trauma, hurt.
47:38
You see your emotions that you're holding onto, sadness,
47:44
guilt, maybe disappointment. As you kneel down on the garden
47:54
bed, you start pulling out these weeds.
48:01
These weeds that are representing what's holding you
48:06
back, what's keeping you stuck, what's keeping you small.
48:19
Allow yourself to feel any emotions that come up as you see
48:24
yourself pulling out the weeds of that garden bed.
48:39
Now, once the weeds are all gone, you see soil.
48:48
You see a space for you to grow a new garden, a garden fill of
48:56
your dreams, of your hopes, of emotions that you want to feel
49:03
in your future, in your present. And I invite you now to start
49:10
planting the seeds of what you want to cultivate in your life
49:17
right now. And when you're done, you stand
49:33
up and you look at the patch of soil in front of you that houses
49:39
all your dreams, all your new emotions, and all the beautiful
49:43
things that are coming into your life.
49:46
You feel proud. You hold your head up high and
49:51
you look to the sunshine and you smile.
49:57
And just before you turn away, you notice that there's a bench.
50:03
And you notice that there's a figure sitting on this bench.
50:09
Slowly you walk to this bench and then begin to realise that
50:15
it's a nine year old little you. She was sitting there watching
50:20
you all along, taking out the old and bringing in the new.
50:27
And as you sit down next to her, she has a message for you.
50:31
And be open to hear and receive this message.
50:47
So now it's your turn. What would you like to say to
50:51
that little version of you, that little girl that's sitting in
50:55
front of you? Now, as you finish your message,
51:14
I invite you to give her a big hug.
51:20
She's watching over your new garden of creation, of all the
51:26
wonderful things, and you were safe as is she.
51:34
Now begin to exit the garden from the way that you came
51:37
through. See those big beautiful gates,
51:44
and once you walk through, close that behind you.
51:50
It is done. It is done and it is done.
51:56
And I invite you now to walk back on that path away from the
52:00
garden, and then slowly come back into your body, invite you
52:08
to take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your
52:14
mouth, and then begin to wiggle your fingers and wiggle your
52:19
toes. And when it feels right for you,
52:24
open your eyes and come back into the space.
52:30
Wow, that was amazing. I love that.
52:35
I still love that. And you know something else?
52:39
For anyone who has listened, you may even want to go back and re
52:43
listen and 'cause that is so beautiful.
52:47
And what you're gonna find that as a result of going back to the
52:53
past, you change your future. So I do have to say that this
53:01
has been an absolute amazing, just a beautiful podcast.
53:07
And you have just shared so much of your heart and given so
53:12
generously and thank you so much.
53:15
So we are going to put all of Vanessa's links into the show
53:21
notes and maybe we could even share the free.
53:25
Is it a free ebook by the way? Or is?
53:28
That yeah free ebook. Yep, yeah, beautiful and get in
53:34
contact because that healing to open your heart and be part of,
53:42
you know, really calling in your divine significant other and
53:47
really trusting and really loving on yourself that you are
53:50
worth it. Vanessa, I just want to thank
53:53
you from the bottom of my heart and, you know, just everything
53:58
you've shared. You're welcome.
54:01
It's been an absolute pleasure. I've loved sharing everything
54:05
with you and with your audience. And yeah, that meditation at the
54:08
end was very powerful. So I invite people to spend a
54:12
bit more time on that if they can, and really visualize
54:17
getting rid of those weeds, which is the old stuff, and then
54:20
bringing in the new because yeah, it's a very powerful 1.
54:23
So thank you for having me on I. Could.
54:25
Yeah, I could actually do another podcast with you just
54:29
discussing what I actually did when I pulled out the weeds and
54:34
then what I put in there. But guys, you go ahead, enjoy
54:39
and lift yourself up and know that you deserve it.
54:43
Absolutely a. Show where we have explored
54:47
through this various topic, along with all the exciting new
54:53
topics that we bring every week to enhance your personal mastery
55:00
of excellence. Now I'd love you to do me a
55:03
favour. In fact, be part of the legacy,
55:06
see 1,000,000 that I have in the vision for 2028.
55:12
If you know someone who really would benefit from this
55:18
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So let's do that legacy thing. Let's share, let's care, let's
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55:45
you another week of the most enriching content.
55:50
So until next time, stay inspired, stay awesome, and keep
55:56
on mastering your excellence.