Latest / Walking Manifestator Podcast- Aligning Mindset with Spirituality / 125: Be, Do, Have — Why You've Been Manifesting Backward
Transcript
- Alexa: You think if you had more money, then you finally would feel confident. If you have the body, you'd finally feel worthy. If you have the relationship, you would finally feel secure. But what if we actually have it completely backwards? You see, the truth is that we cannot experience something before becoming the person that can actually hold that blessing. And I often have used an analogy that talks about going to the gym. If I invite you to go with me to the gym and we're doing the hip thrust, right? And in the hip thrust, you have only done 20 plate, 20 pound plates on each side. And I'm doing 200. Think about it. If you've never done it before, do you have a high likelihood of being hurt? Well, if you answered yes, then you're right. Because that's The same situation as me trying to fly a plane. If I haven't taken my courses to actually be able to get into aviation, then realistically I can put myself and others in danger. And this is where I want to talk about a concept that Zig Ziggler actually made very well known back in the 1900s, which is be do have. Because we've actually been manifesting backwards. We think, well, Alexa, I don't want to be fake. I don't want to pretend that I am someone that I'm not. Therefore, when I have the job promotion, then I'll be happy. When I have the body, then I'll feel competent enough to make videos. When I have the relationship, then I'll finally take care of myself. You see, that is where the model that we are running, the pattern that we are subconsciously creating is actually hurting us because we're waiting for something from the outside to show up before we give ourselves permission to become the person that already has the capacity to become more. And here's a part that is going to sting a little, okay? Even when we get the thing out of you know order, let's just say like we actually get the item that we were praying for, the relationship that we wanted, because the identity underneath never really changed, and I've talked about this many times, you won't be able to hold it. And this is a very real thing. I've seen it in my own life. When I have received blessings in the past, like sometimes I look back at all the money that I've just spent, like genuinely, it wasn't even investing, like just spent. I'm like, I can't believe I've spent that much money on dumb things. That if you ask me right now, like, would you do it again? I'd be like, no. I mean, I learned something, so I guess you could argue that point, but honestly, with the knowledge I have right now, would I have done things differently? Yes. And that's where a lot of people sometimes think like, well, why is it that that other person has the thing? Like their life looks great. Alexa, why should I work on becoming when I could just have the thing? Well, because that's not sustainable. So the thing that we really need to get clear on is what is the identity that you need to become? That is the be. That's the becoming part. And this is really where I'll share something that helps me. It's not about pretending, it's actually making a decision internally that you are going to be that person before you see the external proof of it. What do I mean? Okay. So let's say you're trying to lose weight, right? And you decided today. That you are a woman that is vigilant about what she's taking into her body, right? What you're consuming. And just because the scale didn't change when you stepped on it after two seconds of making that decision doesn't mean you're faking it. It just means that in that moment you have decided that you are no longer that other person and that you are the person that is vigilant with what you eat. And this is where it actually gets very interesting because there's a concept in psychology which is self which is actually called self expectancy. Okay. And here's where basically our beliefs about who we are believing that we are are far more powerful than the willpower will ever be. And that's not just like a spiritual woo-woo thing. Like, that's actually documented psychology. When your self-concept shifts, your behavior follows automatically. And this is really where Romans 12 2 talks about we need to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. I have shared this before, and I feel the need to share it again. I don't believe that. Jesus came to teach us about subscribing to another religion. Actually came, he came for the I believe that he came for the exact opposite. He came because he wanted to teach us how to realize that we could be co-creators of our life. That God has already given us this beautiful reality that we get to co-create every single day. And back then they were telling us that the only way to God was through the church, but actually what was really happening is that they wanted to take our power. And Jesus came to show us like, hey, like you have everything that I have and you can do greater works than I. And why is that relevant in this be do have? Because I've seen this happen with a lot of people that believe that they need to pray for God to make it happen. And I kind of picture God as this like mother, father, energy that's up in everything, like up in the sky and on the floors, on the energy of the room, like everywhere, right? But it's the creation of everything, the beginning and the end. So when I think about it from that perspective, I feel that if my child was praying constantly, like, please, please, please, make me have more money, make me have more money, make me have the relationship, I would be like, man, like my kid really needs to learn, first of all, how to hold the money, because if I give him the money right now, they might blow it. Or if I give them a relationship right now, they're not the identity that's gonna hold that relationship and they're gonna sabotage it. So let me let me tell let me send my child that I love soever, soever much. I'm going to send them a bunch of tests. Yep, yeah, let's do that. And those tests are going to allow them, if they realize it, to progress in the levels, so that by the time they get the thing that they really want, they'll realize that it wasn't the thing that they actually wanted. It was the becoming of the person that could have the thing that they wanted. Like just listen to that and let it really speak to you. If you were a parent, I'm a mother, For you with your kids, would you just give them anything? Like, do you think that's genuinely helpful for them? Or do you think that your kid actually needs to learn values, integrity, boundaries, communication, community, service, like all these things that you're like, I want my kid to just learn to be a good human. And then I'll continue to bless my kid with You know, taking him to get ice cream and buying him nice things and whatever it is, right? And then I just felt this and this is important for us to talk about. Some of us we grew up with so much trauma that we believe that that's our identity. Mmm, yep. So we believe that the trauma that we went through, the abuse that we went through, the neglect that we went through, the abandonment that we went through is our identity. And I'm sorry to be the person to just tell you this how It should just be said. But like, when are you going to decide to stop being the victim of your circumstances? And when are you going to decide to take accountability for who you are now? You see, my trauma started when I was like eight years old. I am 29 years old right now. Am I still going to be crying about the stuff that happened to me when I was eight? No. Was it hard? Yes. I'm not telling you to. Discredit it. I'm not telling you to suppress it. No, that's where identity work, that's where internal healing comes into play. That's where psychiatry comes into play. That's where understanding your patterns, your behaviors, your paradigm comes into play. And we've had a ton of conversations on that. So I'm not discrediting it. But what I am saying is that we need to take accountability for who we are right now. You see, our parents did the best that they could with what they knew at the time. And I just really want you to understand that. Like our parents genuinely did the very best that they could with what they knew. And I want you to go even further to actually question yourself, like the people that raised your parents. Was it foster systems? Was it, you know, actually like their like what would be your grandparents? Like, who was it that actually raised your parents? And I want you to realize that what they've taught you. Is what they were taught. And then take it a step further and actually realize who taught them that. And I'm telling you, this has been one of the biggest realizations that I've had in my life. Because it allowed me to actually realize, holy, like that means that everybody has truly done the best that they could with what they knew at the time. And me continuing to pin on them, you did this to me, you didn't love me this way, you abandoned me, you weren't a good mother, a good father, whatever it is for you. I need you to realize that the people that were there raising you at the time or maybe weren't there, that's also a thing, right? They did the best with what they knew. So we need to take accountability and renew our mind. And the only way that I can tell you that you will really be able to renew your mind is what is the information that you're consuming? Like genuinely, what's the information that you are consuming? Because a lot of the times we're just continuing to consume more trauma from other people. We're consuming trauma of other people that are in the same energy as you. And they're like, yeah, like my life was so hard. And then you kind of like trauma bond. Like, have you ever had that? I used to do that all the time. you went through that? me too. Yeah, like I really, you know, I had a toxic relationship and I was abused here and I was abused there. And this happened to me and that happened to me. And it's like, when does enough become enough? And I don't know about you, but every time that I would talk about those things, it was like actually draining. Like genuinely draining. So imagine you continue to be that person for the rest of your life. How is that really going to affect you? How is that really going to change your life? And the next component of this is the do, right? That's where really the identity starts becoming a little more visible, right? Because we're showing up, we're going to the gym, we're doing the thing. Little by little, we're going and showing up for ourselves. Gradually we start seeing results. Gradually, that identity from the being starts showing under the doing. That is where it becomes more physical. And this is really where we understand that you're just disciplined. That's just who I am, right? It's not about, who am I gonna prove myself to? No, it's like. This is just the embodiment of who I am. This is the person that I am. I'm a disciplined woman. I'm a healthy woman. I, you know, meal prep. I sleep on time. I wake up on time. This is just my reality. Because that's really where you're going to start noticing. And I recently went through this. I, and you're going to experience it too, which is the reason why I'm sharing this with you. And on our next conversation, we're going to talk about the dangers of losing yourself in a relationship. This could be a friendship. This could be a partnership. This could be your marriage. There's a lot of Re a lot of ways that you can actually lose yourself. And I'm not talking from just like something I read in a book. I'm talking about like things that I've actually experienced in my life. Because I've been married before. And I've shared a lot of little things here and there that I think it's important for more women to realize that we need to stop losing ourselves. We need to stop losing ourselves in this identity that is not ours, that we work so hard. To create, to show up for, and then one day we just like let it slip. And ironically, and we'll be talking about this on the next conversation, the person that actually fell in love with us, slowly we stop being the person that they fell in love with, and then one day you just turn around and you're like, my gosh, like what happened? We're out of love. No, you just became another person. You're not the person that they once met. And sometimes that can happen through abuse, sometimes that can pa happen through neglect, sometimes that can happen through a bunch of stuff. But we're gonna be talking about some of the key components that you should be doing. Because if you're doing the work, you're showing up, you're listening to the podcast, you're doing the internal work, you're investing in yourself, then we need to keep this going with our kids, we need to keep this going with our parents, we need to keep this going with our partners, with our friends. The identity, the doing part, so that the being can continue to be the be. Now, the next thing I want to get into is then. Once we've actually been doing the work, now it's about we can actually see the growth and not the goal. You see, having is never supposed to actually be the finish line. And I've witnessed this in my own life. I mean, the most recent one is that I wanted a house by the mountains. I got my house by the mountains and ask me how excited I've been. Literally, I miss my old house. Like the first like month I was like, I miss my old house. I miss my old bathroom. Like, as humans, we're never satisfied. And that's a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because it allows us to keep growing. And it's a curse when we're not mindful of it because it can get very deteriorating. It could really consume us. It could really become this like keeping up with the Jones. Which is like, they have this, I'm gonna have it. They bought this, I'm gonna have it. And you're actually missing the point because you're not actually wanting the thing. You're just seeking the thing that you believe you're going to feel from achieving the thing. So let's journal a little bit on this, okay? Because the first thing that I want you to get crystal clear on if you're looking to create anything in your life, if you're looking to call in more abundance, if you're looking to call in another job opportunity, a better relationship. Like we need to get crystal clear about. What do you want? And we need to get very specific with what is that you actually want. And something that personally I shared on one of the last conversations that happened to me is that one of my stock accounts completely skyrocketed. And I was so like nonchalant about it. Like I wasn't like, my God, this is gonna change my life. Like it was just kind of like, cool. Like I actually should have prepared a little better because how am I going to like reinvest this money and what should I do with it? And my mind, although it was better equipped than it would have been back when I first got started in like real estate At that time, my mind would have thought, like, my god, I made it. So my mind at that stage when my account hit what it did, I was like, wow, like this is a blessing. What am I gonna do about it? And my navigation thought process was a little bit better. But if I'm honest with you, there's still so much improvement that I could have done. In that moment, I should have already known exactly what I was gonna do with that money to the scent. So I need you to get very crystal clear on what is it that you want to have. And get very specific as to what you're going to do with that money or with that blessing and how your relationship's going to look. How are you gonna smell? How are you gonna look? All that stuff. And then number two is that we need to understand, okay, who do I need to become in order for that to become a reality? And number three, what's one action step that you can do right now, today, after this conversation, to make that happen? You see, Gary V, I was listening to a podcast with him, and basically he was talking about how right now one of the biggest trends that's happening is fate well, he talked about TikTok live shopping, but basically like live shopping. And it's crazy because about a year ago I purchased this course and it told me the exact same thing. And out of sheer procrastination, I was like, no, like I'll get to it. I did maybe like two lives and then I was like, yeah, I'll I'll I'll get to that when I want to. And now I'm like, shh, I really need to get back into it. Because I stopped doing it because I was like, I don't want people to think that like I need the money. Like, why would I get on like public lives for like my friends to see me and think that like I'm broke and that's why like I'm on a live. And it's so crazy because that's what our mind does. It gives you these thoughts that tell you that you're not good enough, that you can't do it. So why would you even try? But what if that's God actually telling you like this is the next step? And guess what? Guess who's gonna be laughing to the bank? All those people that are doing those lives and are making hand over fist money because they're actually just showing up and they're like, I don't care. Like, you know how many things I've bought from TikTok live shops? Like I have purchased a lot of stuff and honestly it's just crazy. It's crazy. Now, the last thing I want to leave you with is that on the next conversation, we're really going to get into, like I mentioned before, not losing ourselves. Because this is something that I've been noticing like little by little, everything just starts feeling like it's crumbling because we don't actually Have a set boundary, a set goal, a set schedule, or when we do have it, we lose it. And that actually happened to me this last year. I had a schedule, I had my goals, I had everything the way that I wanted it to be. And then I decided, right, to try things out with a certain person that was very important to me in my life. And I kind of lost myself in the noise. And this is the danger of you not being able to see these things beforehand. So I really want to talk about the importance. This could be again for family members, your parents, it could be for your kids, it could be for your relationship, whatever it is. So we will definitely talk about that on the next conversation. And I just want you to remember that if nobody has told you this before, remember that you're loved, remember that you are worthy, and remember that you can absolutely manifest anything you want. I'll talk to you on the next one.