Latest / QUESTION EVERYTHING / Advice with Erin Robinson: How To Get Over a Bad Day + Should You Get Back With Your Ex?

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Advice with Erin Robinson: How To Get Over a Bad Day + Should You Get Back With Your Ex? · QUESTION EVERYTHING

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  Speaker 4: Big things happen when you're pretty, pretty bold, pretty clever,
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  Speaker 4: pretty strong. I'm Danielle Robey, and each week my guests
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: and I have conversations that put a new spin on
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  Speaker 4: pretty This is pretty smart. Aaron Robinson is a producer, host,
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: YouTuber internet person. As she says, she was on The
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: Amazing Race Season twenty eight. But this is who Aaron
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  Speaker 4: Robinson is to me. We worked at Clever TV together
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: and we shared an office.
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  Speaker 5: So for about two years.
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  Speaker 4: I saw her more than I saw anybody else in
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: my life.
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  Speaker 5: She showed me the ropes, but more.
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  Speaker 4: Than that, she would talk to me about my life.
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  Speaker 4: I had a boyfriend I was always frustrated with and
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: didn't know what to do.
• 1:39
  Speaker 5: Ever, I was new to LA and figuring things out.
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  Speaker 4: I didn't know where to go for dinner, how to
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  Speaker 4: even make guacamole, which she said was really.
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  Speaker 5: Important for me to learn.
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  Speaker 4: And each day in the office we would talk and
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: laugh for hours. She helped set the stage for me
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: in terms of how to be a person who gives
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  Speaker 4: a helping hand and shares her gifts because she knows
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  Speaker 4: they are abundant. So today I'm so excited to share
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  Speaker 4: some of her gifts with you, especially her sage advice,
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: of which she has given me hours and hours of
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: We both took to Instagram and had you email your questions,
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  Speaker 4: and I was really kind of shocked by the response.
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  Speaker 4: I read through over one hundred emails. These are just
• 2:19
  Speaker 4: a few, so erin before we get into everybody else's questions.
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: I want them to get to know you so that
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: they know your advice is coming from a real place.
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  Speaker 6: Let me tell you about all the challenges I've been
• 2:36
  Speaker 6: through in my life.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: How much time do we have?
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  Speaker 4: Well more than anybody I've ever met. You have lived
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: nine lives. You're like a cat.
• 2:43
  Speaker 5: You have had so many odd jobs, like you've had
• 2:46
  Speaker 5: so many? Can you name all your careers?
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: All my careers.
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  Speaker 6: I was a pharmaceutical sales rep for a while. I
• 2:51
  Speaker 6: was pre met in college, I studied to be an EMT.
• 2:55
  Speaker 6: I also have my real estate license here in California,
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  Speaker 6: ran a real estate firm. I was an executive producer
• 3:01
  Speaker 6: of a digital BA company for like ten years almost.
• 3:05
  Speaker 6: And I've pretty much. I mean, there's a lot of
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  Speaker 6: other things I've done in there. You were a waitress,
• 3:09
  Speaker 6: Oh yeah, I mean if I feel like that's ah,
• 3:11
  Speaker 6: did you avoid getting to be a waitress in Los Angeles?
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  Speaker 5: In LA I was a waitress in Chicago.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 6: I feel like it's almost a right of passage for
• 3:19
  Speaker 6: young women in this business to be a waitress.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: It's great cash money.
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  Speaker 6: Yeah, I've done it all, and I feel like I'm
• 3:25
  Speaker 6: doing more endeavors, looking into investing in real estate, which
• 3:29
  Speaker 6: is like a whole thing. So I feel like life
• 3:32
  Speaker 6: isn't as full if you aren't constantly evolving and taking
• 3:35
  Speaker 6: on new challenges.
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  Speaker 4: You taught me that though, because when we met. Do
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  Speaker 4: you remember how one track I was.
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  Speaker 6: Yeah, you were eager, you were very hungry, and you
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  Speaker 6: were very focused. I don't think i'd met anybody else
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  Speaker 6: like you, because you knew you were like an arrow.
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  Speaker 6: You knew you were going towards the target and nothing
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  Speaker 6: was going to stop you in the best way possible.
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  Speaker 6: You hustled and worked harder than anybody that I worked with,
• 4:01
  Speaker 6: and I was so impressed by you. I think that's
• 4:02
  Speaker 6: one of the reasons why I was just like, I
• 4:04
  Speaker 6: need to know this girl forever. She's so inspiring. So
• 4:08
  Speaker 6: you missed the intros.
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  Speaker 4: I recorded it beforehand, but I was telling everybody that
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  Speaker 4: the reason we met.
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  Speaker 5: I don't know if you remember this is.
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  Speaker 4: You were getting married, uh huh, and you couldn't do
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  Speaker 4: a job like a hosting gig, a freelance gig, and.
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  Speaker 5: You referred me and we didn't really know each other.
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  Speaker 6: Oh, yes, we had that mutual connection that we worked with. Yeah,
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  Speaker 6: and I needed someone. Oh my gosh, this is all
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  Speaker 6: coming back to me.
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  Speaker 4: Now to fill in and it was the first time
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  Speaker 4: in my life that a host let alone another woman
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  Speaker 4: like really did something so nice, Like it was like
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  Speaker 4: most people were so protective.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, and you did that for me.
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  Speaker 4: And then since i've known you, you've been that same
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  Speaker 4: way like constantly, and I've seen you do it with
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  Speaker 4: so many other people too, like you're always of service.
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  Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm not afraid that there's going to be less
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  Speaker 6: work for me. And I think that a lot of people,
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  Speaker 6: not just women, all people think that, oh, this is
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  Speaker 6: my opportunity, this is my connection, this is my contact.
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  Speaker 6: I have to save this because if I don't, if
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  Speaker 6: I give this away, then I won't have anything. And
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  Speaker 6: I just find that it's the opposite. I think there's
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  Speaker 6: enough work for everyone. There are enough contacts for everyone.
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  Speaker 6: You can be friends with the same people that I'm
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  Speaker 6: friends with, and nothing is scarce. I think once you
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  Speaker 6: change your mindset about scarcity in life, like everything that's
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  Speaker 6: supposed to come to you will come to you, you
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  Speaker 6: don't get so fearful.
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  Speaker 4: I remember hearing people say that and being like that
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  Speaker 4: sounds nice, but is it true. And then when I
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  Speaker 4: became confident in my own skill set, it became fully
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  Speaker 4: true for me.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that that's one way to get there.
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  Speaker 6: I think another way to get there is seeing it
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  Speaker 6: play out right. And I felt like anytime I gave
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  Speaker 6: an opportunity away or I gave money away, which is
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  Speaker 6: something that my husband and I are like prioritize a lot, Like.
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  Speaker 1: We love just giving money away willy nilly.
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  Speaker 6: It's kind of scary sometimes, but we found that when
• 6:08
  Speaker 6: we just kind of give stuff away, it always comes
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  Speaker 6: back to us a lot in like tenfold, And so
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  Speaker 6: it's kind of selfish to give away because I'm like, it'll.
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  Speaker 1: Come back to me.
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  Speaker 5: Can you give pea?
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  Speaker 4: Because I know what you're talking about having been in
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  Speaker 4: your life. There's one example. Can I mention the specifics?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah?
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  Speaker 4: So you just gave away ten thousand dollars and you
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: didn't really have ten grand to give away.
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  Speaker 1: No, we almost emptied our bank account.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, and why'd you decide to do that?
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  Speaker 2: Uh?
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  Speaker 6: You know my husband and I were like really thinking
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  Speaker 6: about it, and it was like through our church community
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  Speaker 6: and they were doing these like neighborhood things like feeding
• 6:45
  Speaker 6: people who didn't have food and giving people clothes, and
• 6:47
  Speaker 6: it was just this really powerful thing. And Matt was like,
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  Speaker 6: I feel like we should just give it all away,
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  Speaker 6: and I was like, I don't know, we don't really
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  Speaker 6: have that money in the bank account right now. And
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  Speaker 6: he's like, I really think it's good and it'll come
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  Speaker 6: back to us. I'm like, okay, well if it doesn't,
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  Speaker 6: it's on you. So we collectively agreed, and a week later,
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  Speaker 6: a kid, you not, this has happened to us many times.
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  Speaker 1: A week later, I got a check.
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  Speaker 6: In the mail that was almost exactly ten thousand dollars
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  Speaker 6: that I wasn't expecting that was due to me for
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  Speaker 6: months and months and months I'd forgotten about.
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  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my gosh, it totally.
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  Speaker 6: Just came back to me in the mailbox. Now I
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  Speaker 6: don't have to fret anymore. And yeah, I mean, we
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  Speaker 6: do stuff like that all the time, and it's kind
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  Speaker 6: of fun. It's really fun to watch what you sew
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  Speaker 6: come back to you in this really magical way.
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  Speaker 4: Where do you think your sage wisdom comes from.
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  Speaker 1: I've been through a lot in my life.
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  Speaker 6: I think the first fifteen years of my life I
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  Speaker 6: have a very vivid memory of almost everything that I
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  Speaker 6: went through as a kid, and I went through a
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  Speaker 6: lot of trauma and I lost a lot of people,
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  Speaker 6: and some really crazy things happened to me. And I
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  Speaker 6: think when you are young and you go through a lot,
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  Speaker 6: you can either go in one of two directions. Usually
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  Speaker 6: it's in a bad direction where it really troubles you
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  Speaker 6: for the rest of your life, or you can go
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  Speaker 6: in this other direction where you learn and you glean
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  Speaker 6: from that. And I've always just decided that I was
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  Speaker 6: gonna glean, like, whatever happens is happening for me, it's
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  Speaker 6: not happening to me, and I have to glean what
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  Speaker 6: I can and use that to move to the next
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  Speaker 6: phase and the next level of my life.
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  Speaker 1: And that's kind of where it came from. I don't know.
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  Speaker 1: I don't come from particularly wise folks.
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  Speaker 6: I love my family, but they don't always give the
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  Speaker 6: best advice. So but yeah, I just life has taught
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  Speaker 6: me a lot, and I like learning so that I
• 8:42
  Speaker 6: can move forward and make better decisions.
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  Speaker 4: One thing I always recognize, too, is when we would talk,
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  Speaker 4: you were very patient with me because I would come
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: to you with a problem or a frustration that probably
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: seemed immature to you, but you always recognize that I
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: was in a different place or at a different time
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  Speaker 4: in my life, and you could put yourself in my shoes.
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  Speaker 5: You never made me feel stupid.
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  Speaker 6: I had been there, so I you know, I started
• 9:11
  Speaker 6: a little bit before you did. I'm just a few
• 9:14
  Speaker 6: years older than you, and so I think I could
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  Speaker 6: relate to that because I had been where you were.
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  Speaker 6: And I think that's one of the reasons why everyone,
• 9:23
  Speaker 6: I feel like should have a good mentor in their life,
• 9:26
  Speaker 6: because if you have someone who's already been there, you
• 9:28
  Speaker 6: might as well learn their mistakes through them, versus learning
• 9:31
  Speaker 6: them the hard way through your own choices.
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we're going to get into some of these questions.
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: I got a lot of emails about similar questions, which
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: I thought was interesting. So although I'm about to read
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: one about the pandemic, this is sort of an amalgamation of.
• 9:49
  Speaker 5: A lot of people's questions.
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  Speaker 4: So number one, the first half of the pandemic and
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: working from home while quarantining wasn't as challenging for me
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: as it seemed to be for the majority of people,
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: which made me feel grateful and appreciative of everything I had,
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  Speaker 4: my job, health, roof over my head.
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  Speaker 5: Et cetera.
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  Speaker 4: But then, after roughly a year, all of a sudden,
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: deep fear or anxiety really started to creep in and
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  Speaker 4: I felt very pessimistic. My outlook on life was ugly.
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  Speaker 4: I was feeling hopeless, and I started to kind of
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: shame myself. It was like I was disappointed in myself
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: for feeling so unhappy and ungrateful when I had a
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: job during such a hard time, et cetera. So fortunately,
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: through self help books, meditation, counseling and therapy sessions, quality
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  Speaker 4: time with my very best friends, podcasts and a long walk,
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  Speaker 4: and my work implementing a plan to transition back, which
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: I think is big for a lot of people. I'm
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: finally starting to see light at the end of the tunnel.
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: But what can you say on the topic of finding
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  Speaker 4: gratitude while also allowing yourself to not be okay and
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  Speaker 4: feel the feels, and perhaps what tips do you have
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: for balancing the two.
• 10:49
  Speaker 6: This is a tough one because everyone went through something
• 10:54
  Speaker 6: in the last year or two. I can't listen to
• 10:57
  Speaker 6: your spect in the last couple of years, and I
• 10:59
  Speaker 6: think we've all gone through hills and valleys of feeling
• 11:03
  Speaker 6: just like this. I know I have, yeah, and gratitude
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  Speaker 6: is a choice. It's not something that you just exist
• 11:10
  Speaker 6: in You have to choose it every day, and there
• 11:13
  Speaker 6: have been days in the last couple of years where
• 11:15
  Speaker 6: I've had to wake up and remember that it is.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: A gift to wake up. It is a gift to
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: go take a hot shower, it is a gift.
• 11:24
  Speaker 6: To do your job, and it's a mindset that you
• 11:27
  Speaker 6: have to constantly remember. And I think this is an
• 11:30
  Speaker 6: example of how the last couple of years have really
• 11:34
  Speaker 6: tainted people's visions.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: For their lives.
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  Speaker 6: We're such goal oriented people. We always want to be improving,
• 11:40
  Speaker 6: we always want to be leveling up.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: And the last year, how do you level up?
• 11:45
  Speaker 6: How do you have a five year plan when you
• 11:47
  Speaker 6: don't even know what next week looks like? And I
• 11:50
  Speaker 6: think that's been really hard for people, and so to me,
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  Speaker 6: you just have to mentally, whether that's meditating, praying, time,
• 12:01
  Speaker 6: remind yourself every day that I got to wake up.
• 12:05
  Speaker 6: Some people didn't to wake up today, and so if
• 12:08
  Speaker 6: I woke up today, I must have a purpose like
• 12:12
  Speaker 6: today must there must be something for me or for
• 12:15
  Speaker 6: someone else through me today, And so I have to
• 12:18
  Speaker 6: remember anytime I feel sad or depressed or lonely, that
• 12:21
  Speaker 6: this was a gift I was given today, and every
• 12:23
  Speaker 6: day you have to remind yourself of it every single morning.
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: It's interesting when I read this question, it hit me
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: because I actually felt very similar to this person. I
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: think during the pandemic. I was kind of in like
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: just like the heart of it. I was like just
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: get through it type mode. And then I had this
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: like dull feeling after and I was like, I have
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: no reason to be dull, numb, unhappy. And then Adam
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: Grant wrote that piece about languishing in the New York
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: Times that caught fire, and I thought, that's what it is.
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: It's languishing, and we have to infuse some sort of
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: joy in our lives. So I started to try new things.
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: I took a surf lesson and I don't I didn't
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: like it, but.
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: Like I tried it.
• 13:03
  Speaker 6: You know, it looked great on Instagram. I was like,
• 13:06
  Speaker 6: Bay is really doing some stuff.
• 13:09
  Speaker 5: Well, I didn't get up. I wasn't really doing it.
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: But I tried to get proactive because I realized that
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: doing the same old thing. Even I was doing a
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: lot of the things that she mentioned, like long walks
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: or a therapy session, and they did help, but I
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: still didn't feel like myself, I still don't fully so
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: I think to try and get proactive with it is
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: really helpful, even if it's just like one thing a week.
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: I got a whiteboard and because I have sometimes of
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: gratitude in my head, but like to write it out
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: is different. So like I wrote one thing I'm grateful
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: for today, one thing I'm grateful for in nature, and
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: then who do I want to send love to.
• 13:46
  Speaker 7: Today and to like wake up to that? Yeah, actually
• 13:50
  Speaker 7: really helped. Having something to look forward to. And your
• 13:53
  Speaker 7: routine is another thing that I think is really powerful.
• 13:57
  Speaker 7: On your to do list every day, if it's even
• 13:59
  Speaker 7: if it's things super small, like recently, I've been kind
• 14:03
  Speaker 7: of curating a list of all these people that I
• 14:05
  Speaker 7: want to just reach out to and say hi too,
• 14:06
  Speaker 7: that I haven't talked to in a while or.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: I haven't seen in a minute, you know.
• 14:11
  Speaker 6: And I think working from home, you get so isolated,
• 14:13
  Speaker 6: you get into your own world that there's this list
• 14:16
  Speaker 6: of people that you used to see in the hallway
• 14:18
  Speaker 6: or used to see in the parking garage and just
• 14:20
  Speaker 6: writing their names down, like on Wednesday, I'm going to
• 14:23
  Speaker 6: reach out to this person and just say hi.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: And I think that does.
• 14:27
  Speaker 6: A lot for you, also does a lot for that
• 14:29
  Speaker 6: person to feel like someone is thinking of them.
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, even that energy gives you a lift. So how
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: about turning a bad day around to get it back
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: on track when you feel like the lull?
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: Is there anything you do?
• 14:40
  Speaker 6: Oh my gosh, I do it anytime I'm anxious or
• 14:42
  Speaker 6: anytime I like have to like shake off the ickness
• 14:46
  Speaker 6: of a day.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: You know, I.
• 14:49
  Speaker 6: Literally turn on my favorite song, which is Betty Who's
• 14:53
  Speaker 6: I Love You Always Forever, So remake turn it up
• 14:57
  Speaker 6: as loud as I possibly can, and whether it's a
• 15:00
  Speaker 6: my car or in my house, I will sing and
• 15:02
  Speaker 6: dance around, literally get a workout in, jump up and down.
• 15:05
  Speaker 6: It boosts your endorphins, your adrenaline, and it does something.
• 15:11
  Speaker 6: It like shifts the room, shifts your energy. And it
• 15:15
  Speaker 6: may not be Betty Who for you, but that's whatever
• 15:18
  Speaker 6: your song is. Just allow yourself to be really silly
• 15:22
  Speaker 6: and just perform like Selene in Vegas in your living room.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: It really does change my day. But you had to
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: turn it up loud.
• 15:30
  Speaker 6: Just playing it on your phone while you're doing your
• 15:32
  Speaker 6: makeup doesn't count.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: It doesn't hit the same way.
• 15:35
  Speaker 6: It has to be so loud that you feel it
• 15:38
  Speaker 6: in your heartbeat.
• 15:38
  Speaker 5: It's inside of you. Okay, I have to start doing that.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I get a better speaker or something.
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: I've found the only thing that helps me turn a
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: day around is to sweat. Okay, And the first ten
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: to fifteen minutes don't feel better, but then after that
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: the endorphins start kicking in. Now, if it's later in
• 15:58
  Speaker 4: the day, sometimes I give up and I'm like, well,
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: this is just a bad time.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: I Am just gonna have a spritzer instead.
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: Which maybe isn't the best option. Sure, I wish I.
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: Had better advice, but I think sometimes just leaning in
• 16:11
  Speaker 4: and saying this one was tough.
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, this was interesting.
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: I've noticed my friend exhibits some toxic practices in her
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: romantic relationships, so she wants advice on things, but she
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: never takes it. How do you suggest or gently tell
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: someone you care about that they might be the problem?
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Well, I have some tips on this.
• 16:31
  Speaker 5: Hot Damn.
• 16:32
  Speaker 6: I had a friend who was a little too friendly,
• 16:36
  Speaker 6: a little too involved in every aspect of my life.
• 16:39
  Speaker 6: She was a bit controlling, and I didn't realize at
• 16:41
  Speaker 6: the time because she was you know, we were friends
• 16:45
  Speaker 6: and she I thought she was just being a good friend.
• 16:47
  Speaker 6: But sometimes as a friend, you're not supposed to give advice.
• 16:52
  Speaker 6: I think as friends we think we should. As a
• 16:54
  Speaker 6: good friend, I need to tell her, But sometimes as
• 16:58
  Speaker 6: a good friend you just need to listen and let
• 17:01
  Speaker 6: that person work through their own stuff. Because depending on
• 17:04
  Speaker 6: what type of friendship you have, trying to fix your
• 17:07
  Speaker 6: friend could ruin your friendship. And I had a friend
• 17:10
  Speaker 6: that friend of mine did that. She really ruined our
• 17:12
  Speaker 6: friendship because she thought she was going to fix a
• 17:15
  Speaker 6: problem that I had, when in fact it wasn't a problem.
• 17:19
  Speaker 6: And if she had just been there and said, you know,
• 17:22
  Speaker 6: I hear you, I see you, let me know if
• 17:26
  Speaker 6: I can.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: Help, yeah, things would have been very different.
• 17:29
  Speaker 6: And so if you do want to give good advice,
• 17:32
  Speaker 6: your friend has to be in the right headspace for that.
• 17:35
  Speaker 6: They cannot be fresh off of a hot text from
• 17:37
  Speaker 6: an ex and fuming they don't want you to fix
• 17:41
  Speaker 6: them at that moment. They have to really come to
• 17:43
  Speaker 6: you and relinquish control. They have to say something like
• 17:48
  Speaker 6: I don't really know what why I keep picking these guys.
• 17:51
  Speaker 6: It really is frustrating. That's an invitation to say, hey,
• 17:55
  Speaker 6: you know, can I weigh in on something? I really
• 17:58
  Speaker 6: love you, but I really wanted I've been one to
• 18:00
  Speaker 6: say this to you. And then when you do that,
• 18:02
  Speaker 6: you have to kind of bake it like a compliment cake.
• 18:05
  Speaker 6: You have to kind of put one layer of these
• 18:08
  Speaker 6: are the great things about you, these are your good qualities.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: And truly genuinely mean that. Don't just do you know
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: lip service.
• 18:16
  Speaker 6: You really have to talk to someone's strengths and say
• 18:18
  Speaker 6: you're great in these areas.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: But I think what I've seen, and correct me if
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I'm wrong.
• 18:24
  Speaker 6: Is some of this other behavior that I think that
• 18:27
  Speaker 6: maybe you don't realize might be taken a different way.
• 18:31
  Speaker 6: And you have to just package it with love and consideration,
• 18:37
  Speaker 6: and it has to be the right time, and it
• 18:38
  Speaker 6: has to be the right friendship. Not every friendship is
• 18:41
  Speaker 6: equipped to handle the truth serum.
• 18:45
  Speaker 5: I love the compliment cake. I've never heard that.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, lots of layers of like compliments, you know.
• 18:50
  Speaker 5: That's amazing.
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: And I also love that you asked the question because
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: I think you're right. It's like, do you want me
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: to listen or do you want me to weigh in?
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: Here to do?
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: And I think I've noticed certain friends like I'll notice
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: a trend where I know they just want an ear
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: and I'm happy to be the ear.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: And then certain friends I think you know, can receive
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: the information because it's a two way street.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:17
  Speaker 6: And I think positioning it like, hey, there are two
• 19:20
  Speaker 6: perspectives to every experience in life. That two people experience
• 19:24
  Speaker 6: something completely different, And would you be willing to let
• 19:29
  Speaker 6: me kind of show you another perspective? Yeah, Asking permission
• 19:33
  Speaker 6: sometimes allows you to say a little bit more.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: I like that one a little Yeah.
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: Uh huh, Okay, this was such an interesting question. I'm
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: dating a guy who is really handsome. I think I'm attractive.
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: He tells me I'm pretty, and his complimentary of me.
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: I want to be clear, he is not doing or
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: saying anything to make me feel insecure. But sometimes when
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: he looks at me when we're at dinner, I see
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: pictures of the two of us, I wonder why he's
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: with me? How do I up my confidence and not
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: sabotae this relationship.
• 20:02
  Speaker 6: This sounds like such a fresh relationship. It sounds like
• 20:05
  Speaker 6: she's falling in love with this guy and they haven't
• 20:09
  Speaker 6: been dating for very long. I felt the same way
• 20:12
  Speaker 6: about my husband you did. Oh, I tried to find
• 20:16
  Speaker 6: the problem.
• 20:17
  Speaker 8: Aaron was Miss Malibu, by the way, But Rob I
• 20:22
  Speaker 8: notoriously dated guys who were more of the character, more
• 20:28
  Speaker 8: of the funny, quirky, goofy guy.
• 20:30
  Speaker 6: I never dated the jock type. Was not interested in
• 20:34
  Speaker 6: like the ultra uper attractive men. And when I met
• 20:37
  Speaker 6: my husband, I was like, this is there's a problem
• 20:40
  Speaker 6: here and he's too attractive, and I literally for a
• 20:43
  Speaker 6: long time I was like, maybe he's like gay, he's
• 20:46
  Speaker 6: not interested in me, maybe he's seeing other women, like
• 20:49
  Speaker 6: maybe there are other things going on. But the more
• 20:51
  Speaker 6: I got to know him, the more I realized he
• 20:54
  Speaker 6: was actually a human being with a lot of faults,
• 20:57
  Speaker 6: just like I am.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: And it just took some.
• 21:01
  Speaker 6: Time because when you're falling in love, you only see
• 21:04
  Speaker 6: how great someone is and how hot they are and
• 21:06
  Speaker 6: how much you want to take their clothes off.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: But when you get to know them, you're.
• 21:10
  Speaker 6: Like, Okay, there's some stuff here that you're not as
• 21:14
  Speaker 6: perfect as I thought you were in a good way.
• 21:17
  Speaker 6: It's more approachable and relatable to being a relationship with
• 21:20
  Speaker 6: someone who isn't perfect, and I just think that they
• 21:24
  Speaker 6: must be newly in love what's your take on it.
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: I had to think about this one because you know,
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: the podcast is titled pretty Smart. I think about the
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: relationship between our hearts, our bodies, our minds a lot,
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: and I when I thought about this one, I actually
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: called my mom because I was like, I don't know
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: how to answer this, and she gave me great advice
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: on it.
• 21:45
  Speaker 5: So this is really her I can't take it.
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: She said that that's really in her head because men
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: don't fall in They may fall in like or in
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: lust with beauty, but they don't fall in love with beauty.
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: And so that woman or girl isn't recognizing that that
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: guy really must like a lot more about her if
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: they're dating dating, and so she's overlooking all of those things.
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: And also that people don't recognize how pretty or handsome
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: they are oftentimes, you know, like very attractive people. Models
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: are some of the most insecure people I've ever interviewed,
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: and they'll tell you that of course, you know, So
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: sometimes people don't recognize how attractive they are, and to them,
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: they're just a person.
• 22:29
  Speaker 5: And he's obviously happy to be with her.
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So I think maybe if she could make a
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: list of qualities that she really likes about herself that
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: maybe it could it could help remind her of why
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: he likes her, or maybe she should ask him, like,
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: why do you like me?
• 22:44
  Speaker 6: I was going to say, I think she should be
• 22:46
  Speaker 6: paying attention to the things that he says to her,
• 22:49
  Speaker 6: because in how he communicates to.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: Her, she'll see why he is with her.
• 22:54
  Speaker 6: Because all of us know that beauty and looks they
• 22:58
  Speaker 6: only really go so far, and they don't don't last forever.
• 23:01
  Speaker 6: You know, there's so much more to falling in love
• 23:04
  Speaker 6: with someone. You fall in love with who they are
• 23:06
  Speaker 6: and what they stand for and so many other things.
• 23:09
  Speaker 6: And it's funny because you stop even seeing how attractive
• 23:12
  Speaker 6: someone is on the outside.
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: It's like you start dating.
• 23:17
  Speaker 6: You're dressed up, you're going out, and the longer you're together,
• 23:19
  Speaker 6: you start wearing your sweatpants more often. And it's because
• 23:23
  Speaker 6: your relationship is deeper. And I think that they must
• 23:27
  Speaker 6: be just new in love and I'm excited for them.
• 23:30
  Speaker 6: But she needs to just own the fact that he's
• 23:32
  Speaker 6: hot and he chose her, so she's doing something.
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: I agree. Okay, this is the opposite. This is a
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: sad breakup one. So about two months ago, my now
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: ex boyfriend broke up with me because he was going
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: through depression and wasn't able to give it his all
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: in our relationship. At first, I didn't understand why he
• 23:51
  Speaker 4: decided to push me away and thought that the decision
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: he made didn't take me into account. But a week
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: ago we talked and I understood where he was coming from.
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: He told me he's now getting help, but it's still
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: difficult for him that he's not well, but when he
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: gets better, he would like to get back together. My
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: plan was to find closure and say goodbye, but when
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: I left seeing him, I realized I couldn't be happy
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: without him and didn't realize how much of my happiness
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: depended on him. I still love him and would want
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: nothing but to get back with him, but it scares
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: me that he could hurt me again.
• 24:22
  Speaker 6: He could hurt you again. I haven't been in the
• 24:26
  Speaker 6: exact same situation, but I've been in a similar situation
• 24:29
  Speaker 6: with my high school sweetheart. I dated him for like
• 24:32
  Speaker 6: seven or eight years, and I truly loved him, but
• 24:36
  Speaker 6: I was going through a lot of changes, and I
• 24:39
  Speaker 6: would tell him, hey, once I'm done with these changes
• 24:43
  Speaker 6: that I want to explore. Then maybe we could get
• 24:47
  Speaker 6: back together, and it was toxic, And it was very
• 24:49
  Speaker 6: selfish of me to even say that, because somewhere deep
• 24:54
  Speaker 6: down I knew that I was just trying to make
• 24:57
  Speaker 6: it more palatable for him, isn't My intention wasn't on
• 25:02
  Speaker 6: him and what we could be later. My intention was
• 25:05
  Speaker 6: on me and what I was going through. And it
• 25:07
  Speaker 6: sounds a little bit similar that this person is going
• 25:11
  Speaker 6: through something really big and important in their life and
• 25:14
  Speaker 6: they're working on themselves, but that doesn't mean when they
• 25:17
  Speaker 6: come out of the other side that they're going to
• 25:18
  Speaker 6: be ready for you.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: And you should not tether.
• 25:21
  Speaker 6: Yourself to that hope because the likelihood of working is
• 25:26
  Speaker 6: probably pretty slim, and you don't want to waste your
• 25:28
  Speaker 6: heart and your time waiting for something that may not
• 25:31
  Speaker 6: come back around. Coming from someone who did this unknowingly,
• 25:36
  Speaker 6: like I didn't do it maliciously, but looking back on it,
• 25:39
  Speaker 6: I remember thinking, man.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: That was really selfish of me to tell him to
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: wait for me.
• 25:45
  Speaker 6: And I just want to encourage you to listener, to
• 25:49
  Speaker 6: really try to work on moving on. Hold love in
• 25:52
  Speaker 6: your heart for that person. You never know what's going
• 25:55
  Speaker 6: to happen, but do not hold hope for that person
• 25:59
  Speaker 6: to be there for you at the end of this.
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: Oh that's a good that was actually more direct then
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: I think I would have gone.
• 26:09
  Speaker 5: But listening to you, I think you're right.
• 26:11
  Speaker 6: It's hard because he's going through something that's really deep
• 26:15
  Speaker 6: and difficult.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 26:17
  Speaker 6: But when I go through deep and difficult stuff in
• 26:20
  Speaker 6: my life, all I want to do is have.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: The people that I love close to me and lean
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: into them.
• 26:26
  Speaker 6: Yes, So it feels weird that he would be going
• 26:30
  Speaker 6: through something and be pushing someone that he loves out.
• 26:34
  Speaker 5: I think that's the key.
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And if by some chance it is meant to be,
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: then when he does come back around, both of them
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: will be in a better place. But I think it
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: doesn't do this person any good to hold out any way.
• 26:50
  Speaker 6: I completely agree, just because I've had such a personal
• 26:53
  Speaker 6: experience with something so similar.
• 26:56
  Speaker 5: Thanks for sharing that, by the way.
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Okay, I've had a boyfriend for the last last year,
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: but we've been on and off a few times. Overall,
• 27:02
  Speaker 4: we've been together for four years. I still always thought
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: about him when I was with other people. Now that
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: we're together, I feel confused. How do I know if
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: he's the one? I don't really want to rip his
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: clothes off anymore. But I love so many things about him.
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: He's thoughtful and sweet and smart, etc. She says, all
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: the things, all the things. This is I really wanted
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: to ask you this one because I don't feel like
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: I have the experience to weigh in.
• 27:25
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I think if you're asking if he is the one,
• 27:30
  Speaker 6: then he probably is not the one for you. Because
• 27:34
  Speaker 6: I had been met been in many relationships, very long
• 27:37
  Speaker 6: relationships my whole life. I mean I was like a
• 27:41
  Speaker 6: seven year relationship, a four year relationship, but one and
• 27:44
  Speaker 6: a half year like that was just I loved relationships,
• 27:48
  Speaker 6: and every single one of them I could say I
• 27:50
  Speaker 6: was in love with them, but all of them. I
• 27:53
  Speaker 6: remember having this exact thought at some point, not so
• 27:57
  Speaker 6: much about taking their clothes off, but more along the
• 28:00
  Speaker 6: lines of I don't know is he I can't tell
• 28:04
  Speaker 6: he wasn't because I was asking that question when I
• 28:06
  Speaker 6: met my husband after the first day. And I know
• 28:09
  Speaker 6: this isn't everyone's case, but after my first day with
• 28:13
  Speaker 6: my husband, I walked in my car call my best
• 28:15
  Speaker 6: friend and I said, I'm gonna marry this guy. And
• 28:17
  Speaker 6: she was like, please never call me and say this.
• 28:19
  Speaker 6: It was three o'clock in the morning, East Coast. She's like,
• 28:21
  Speaker 6: call me tomorrow. But I knew and I never questioned
• 28:25
  Speaker 6: it a single moment after that, And I think that
• 28:29
  Speaker 6: might be a little stirring of maybe he isn't the
• 28:31
  Speaker 6: one And there are a lot of good people out there.
• 28:34
  Speaker 6: It doesn't mean you have to marry them just because
• 28:36
  Speaker 6: they're good people.
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: I wrote down, just because you can find good doesn't
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: mean it's a good relationship.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's exactly it.
• 28:45
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 28:45
  Speaker 6: I think you also have to fast forward to your
• 28:47
  Speaker 6: life and look at your milestones. When you're having your
• 28:50
  Speaker 6: baby in the hospital, or when you're walking down the aisle,
• 28:53
  Speaker 6: or when you've lost a parent or a friend.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: Who do you want by your side?
• 29:00
  Speaker 6: And what type of person do you want to buy
• 29:02
  Speaker 6: a home with and align your bank account with and align.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: Your dreams with.
• 29:08
  Speaker 6: And you have to have vision for the future and
• 29:11
  Speaker 6: look at that person and go, if I past four
• 29:13
  Speaker 6: ten years, do I really want to be with you?
• 29:15
  Speaker 6: And that's hard to do when you're in love or
• 29:16
  Speaker 6: you love someone, but it's a really honest exercise that
• 29:21
  Speaker 6: you have to do when you decide if you want
• 29:23
  Speaker 6: to marry someone.
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: I've heard Esther Perell, who's like a relationship experts say
• 29:28
  Speaker 4: there's a difference between a love partner and a life partner,
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: and sometimes that's hard to decipher.
• 29:34
  Speaker 6: It is it is, especially when you're in it. It's
• 29:36
  Speaker 6: usually way easier to look back and go, oh, yeah,
• 29:40
  Speaker 6: that makes sense, But when you're in it, it's so
• 29:42
  Speaker 6: hard to see clarity.
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, I like this one, giving you j Lo
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: and Ben energy on this one. My ex recently came
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: back into my life, and I don't know if I
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: should dive in help.
• 29:53
  Speaker 6: How did he come back into your life? Is what
• 29:55
  Speaker 6: I want to know.
• 29:57
  Speaker 4: I think people when they get back together with their exes,
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: it's not always a bad thing. I think people give,
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: like they always say no to your ex. I don't
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: always think it's bad, but I do think you have
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: to really take stock.
• 30:08
  Speaker 5: And remember why you broke up yep.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: And if that is still a.
• 30:13
  Speaker 5: Factor, right, has that changed? Honestly?
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: Truly?
• 30:17
  Speaker 4: Do you know anybody who's done it like I know
• 30:19
  Speaker 4: people that have done it, like they broke up for
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: two or three months and we're like, oh, we miss
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: each other. I don't know people that have broken up
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: for years.
• 30:26
  Speaker 6: No, I think the longer you are a part, the
• 30:29
  Speaker 6: harder it is to reconcile. I think when you close
• 30:33
  Speaker 6: a chapter, it depends on how how closed that chapter was, right,
• 30:37
  Speaker 6: like if it was an ugly breakup or if it
• 30:39
  Speaker 6: was damaging to you or him or whatever. I think
• 30:43
  Speaker 6: it just depends on the health of how that breakup
• 30:45
  Speaker 6: went down. I would never get back with the next really.
• 30:49
  Speaker 6: I tried that, and it just you just carry your baggage.
• 30:53
  Speaker 6: And then it gets more complicated because there's trust issues
• 30:55
  Speaker 6: because now you've broken up and there's you've seen other people,
• 30:58
  Speaker 6: and then you're like, are you still talking those people?
• 31:00
  Speaker 6: And you feel betrayed even though you weren't together, but
• 31:02
  Speaker 6: you kind of feel like you should have they shouldn't
• 31:04
  Speaker 6: have hooked up with it. It's so complicated and so
• 31:07
  Speaker 6: messy to break up.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: And get back together.
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: So when I broke up with an ex, like about
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: a year and some change later, we sort of revisited,
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: and I was so hung up on him that first
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: time that getting back actually really helped me because I
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: was a different person. I saw him through different eyes,
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: and by that time I was like, oh, I'm not
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: interested in you anymore. And then it was like wash
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: my hands, I was done and I got closure. Mmm,
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: so it was really helpful in a weird way.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it just depends.
• 31:42
  Speaker 6: It really depends on your relationship with that person and
• 31:44
  Speaker 6: your relationship with yourself. Yeah, and where you are in life.
• 31:48
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: Everyone seems to have a brand, a side hustle, or
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: a company or a big dream these days, and I
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: just have a normal job. I kind of feel weird
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: for not having this big purpose. Is it okay to
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: not have one?
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: You still have one.
• 32:00
  Speaker 6: You still have a big purpose, just doesn't look like
• 32:02
  Speaker 6: everyone else's. And your purpose isn't your job necessarily. Your
• 32:08
  Speaker 6: purpose isn't your Instagram or your blog. Your purpose is
• 32:11
  Speaker 6: so much bigger than that. It is who you affect,
• 32:13
  Speaker 6: the legacy that you leave behind, the relationships that you have,
• 32:18
  Speaker 6: those are really where your purpose lies.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: I think as a culture, we put so much.
• 32:24
  Speaker 6: Stock in your career and your passion for your career.
• 32:30
  Speaker 6: And there's some of my favorite people of all time
• 32:32
  Speaker 6: were stay at home moms who just raised their kids.
• 32:36
  Speaker 6: And I say not just raise their kids, but that's
• 32:39
  Speaker 6: what they did for their job, but they sewed into
• 32:42
  Speaker 6: so many people's lives and they showed up when someone
• 32:45
  Speaker 6: died and brought cookies and made an impact in people's lives.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: You do not have to have.
• 32:49
  Speaker 5: It because it takes time to do those things.
• 32:51
  Speaker 6: It takes tenderness, it takes patience, it takes skills. And
• 32:57
  Speaker 6: I think that normal jobs don't change your purpose. You
• 33:01
  Speaker 6: still have a huge purpose on your life. I actually,
• 33:04
  Speaker 6: really really believe every single person has such a huge purpose,
• 33:08
  Speaker 6: no matter what they do, where they live, how much
• 33:10
  Speaker 6: money is in their bank account. So I'm glad this
• 33:14
  Speaker 6: person asked this because I hope they're listening because their
• 33:17
  Speaker 6: purpose is so important and it has nothing to do
• 33:21
  Speaker 6: with their brand or lack thereof.
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: I fully agree with you. I knew you would have
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: the best answer to this. When I think of the
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: word brand, I like, it's a commodity. You're a thing,
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: and you don't have Like you're not a tide pod
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: even though TikTokers were eating them. You know, like, you
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: do not have to have be do any of that. No,
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: your purpose is in your heart and your soul. And
• 33:44
  Speaker 4: that may sound cliche, but it's not. So you just
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: maybe don't recognize what that is or haven't tapped into that.
• 33:50
  Speaker 5: But it's there. Yeah.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: I mean, I had a lady who was a real
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: estate agent, which is still a very awesome job, but
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: she did this was before Instagram was a thing, and
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: she sewed into my life in such a powerful way.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: She's no longer here, she passed away from cancer, but
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: she changed my life. And I wouldn't be able to
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: like build my brand and do what I was destined
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: to do if it.
• 34:15
  Speaker 5: Weren't so into other people's life.
• 34:16
  Speaker 6: For her influence in my life and I'll never forget it.
• 34:21
  Speaker 6: And she wasn't famous, she didn't have tons of Instagram followers,
• 34:25
  Speaker 6: but she just loved me so well, and that, to
• 34:29
  Speaker 6: me is even more valuable than what I'm doing on YouTube.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: Or on Instagram.
• 34:34
  Speaker 6: Like, I love what I do and I think it's
• 34:36
  Speaker 6: great and it does reach people, and I'm happy for that.
• 34:39
  Speaker 6: But gosh, there's so much to be said about one
• 34:42
  Speaker 6: on one interpersonal relationships with real people that has nothing
• 34:46
  Speaker 6: to do with your job or your brand or your followers.
• 34:49
  Speaker 4: Just to give you a little plug and credit there, though,
• 34:51
  Speaker 4: you I think, really use your platform to connect with
• 34:54
  Speaker 4: people deeply personally. You respond to almost everybody and you
• 34:58
  Speaker 4: tell you, I mean, you talked about it. I know metriosis,
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: you talked about really important things.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 35:03
  Speaker 6: I've made it a mission over the last year and
• 35:04
  Speaker 6: a half to connect with almost every single message that
• 35:07
  Speaker 6: comes to me on Instagram, and I have found so
• 35:10
  Speaker 6: much more fulfillment in social media by doing that. It's
• 35:13
  Speaker 6: been really amazing. I used to think, Oh, it's so
• 35:16
  Speaker 6: overwhelming to answer all these people. I could never do it.
• 35:20
  Speaker 6: I shouldn't do it, I don't have done. It's been
• 35:22
  Speaker 6: the most soul filling exercise, and I would recommend everyone
• 35:27
  Speaker 6: do it because you don't really realize how much you,
• 35:30
  Speaker 6: as a small influencer person on the internet, can affect
• 35:34
  Speaker 6: other people in such a monumental wife.
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, this one is super interesting. I have a group
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: of girlfriends. We've all been friends for years and have
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: a lot of history together. There's one mean girl in
• 35:44
  Speaker 4: the group, and she's so hard for me to be around.
• 35:47
  Speaker 5: I care about the group.
• 35:48
  Speaker 4: I still want to go on our girls trip vacations
• 35:51
  Speaker 4: and don't want to disrupt everything. I should mention. I
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: don't feel like I can talk to her. She's not approachable,
• 35:56
  Speaker 4: so communicating with her rationally is not an option.
• 35:59
  Speaker 5: Any tips.
• 36:00
  Speaker 6: Hmmm, So I am someone who really hates the idea
• 36:05
  Speaker 6: of like squads. Yeah, I haven't had a ton of
• 36:09
  Speaker 6: success in girl groups squads because I've seen it turn
• 36:14
  Speaker 6: toxic quickly, very very clicky. It gets a little bit dramatic,
• 36:19
  Speaker 6: and people get left out or manipulate and it can
• 36:23
  Speaker 6: be ugly. So I'm not saying that your friend group
• 36:26
  Speaker 6: is that, but maybe this person has had an experience
• 36:30
  Speaker 6: that she maybe isn't sharing that was difficult for her.
• 36:35
  Speaker 6: And my advice, well, my first inclination is girl tell
• 36:39
  Speaker 6: her by, you know, like, don't invite her to the
• 36:41
  Speaker 6: party or whatever. I actually think it's better if you
• 36:46
  Speaker 6: call her up and spend time with her and love
• 36:49
  Speaker 6: on her wow and say hey, I'd love to hang out.
• 36:52
  Speaker 6: Will you come, like spend the night, or let's go
• 36:54
  Speaker 6: have dinner, or I'd love to like bring you a
• 36:57
  Speaker 6: made bread.
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 36:59
  Speaker 6: I'm actually I'm on bread making kick. It's like my
• 37:01
  Speaker 6: favorite things to do.
• 37:03
  Speaker 5: That was like so February twenty twelve, Oh.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: Thanks for calling me out, but you know, like I
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: have something I stop by and bring you and actually
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: love on her harder than she is being mean interesting,
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: which is so hard to do.
• 37:20
  Speaker 6: I have done it, and it is so difficult to
• 37:24
  Speaker 6: love on someone who isn't your friend, who is maybe
• 37:28
  Speaker 6: against you or hates you. Like loving one hundred and
• 37:32
  Speaker 6: ten percent on someone, you get so angry with yourself
• 37:35
  Speaker 6: you're like, why am I even even doing this? But
• 37:38
  Speaker 6: I can tell you it really makes a difference in
• 37:40
  Speaker 6: that person's relationship, and maybe she'll open up to you
• 37:43
  Speaker 6: and say, hey, can I be honest there's been some
• 37:46
  Speaker 6: stuff that's bothered me. No, I haven't told anyone about it.
• 37:50
  Speaker 6: And then at that point you're in a position where
• 37:52
  Speaker 6: you can fix that or maybe say, oh, well she
• 37:55
  Speaker 6: might have meant this or I'm so sorry we.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: Said that and you heard that.
• 38:00
  Speaker 6: It's hard, but that's what I would recommend if you
• 38:02
  Speaker 6: want to salvage the friend group, if it's important to
• 38:06
  Speaker 6: all of you to stick together. Yeah, you got a
• 38:09
  Speaker 6: love on her harder than she is being mean.
• 38:11
  Speaker 4: That is so hard because when you say, like, somebody's toxic,
• 38:15
  Speaker 4: my first inclination is like, just back away. Yeah, but
• 38:18
  Speaker 4: you're right, I mean, I guess the answer is to
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: lean forward, lean in.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: If she continues to be toxic after you've made several
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: attempts to do that, then there's a different conversation. Just
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: because someone is being toxic, it doesn't mean that they
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: are toxic. It means that they're reacting, possibly to something
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: that has made them behave that way. Not to say
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: it's right, but I've also been in that position where
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: I feel like I wish someone would have just asked
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: me what was wrong? Yeah, because I didn't feel like
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: I could say it because it was a collective and
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: who wants to be the person that says this is
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: weird or or I don't like it.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 39:01
  Speaker 6: If someone would have said, hey, I want to talk
• 39:02
  Speaker 6: to you about this, it would have made such a
• 39:05
  Speaker 6: big difference for me communication.
• 39:08
  Speaker 4: I do think that direct, honest, kind communication goes a
• 39:12
  Speaker 4: long way. It can, and at least you know you've tried, yes,
• 39:17
  Speaker 4: which I think is a big thing, because when you
• 39:19
  Speaker 4: feel like there's stuff left on the table that's hard.
• 39:22
  Speaker 6: You might regret how you handled it by shutting that
• 39:25
  Speaker 6: person out. So yeah, if you've gone above and beyond
• 39:29
  Speaker 6: and done all that you can and at that point
• 39:31
  Speaker 6: it's not working, then you should sleep well at night
• 39:34
  Speaker 6: knowing that you've cut that person out for a good reason.
• 39:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: Well, that one's hard though, I know.
• 39:42
  Speaker 4: Okay, So before we close, I always ask everybody a
• 39:46
  Speaker 4: few questions. Okay, one is a book that changed your
• 39:49
  Speaker 4: life that you think everybody should read.
• 39:51
  Speaker 6: It's called The Compound Effect. It is such a powerful
• 39:55
  Speaker 6: it's a New York Times bestseller.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: It's a self.
• 39:57
  Speaker 6: Help book, but it gives you tools to make small
• 40:01
  Speaker 6: changes every day that ultimately make up really big changes.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: Because I think as human beings, we want to.
• 40:08
  Speaker 6: Start the workout routine, or we want to save money,
• 40:12
  Speaker 6: and they're these big, lofty goals and they're amazing, but
• 40:15
  Speaker 6: if you kind of boil them down to daily, small tasks,
• 40:19
  Speaker 6: they're so much more manageable and so much more attainable.
• 40:23
  Speaker 6: And this book really changed the way I saw my life.
• 40:28
  Speaker 5: I haven't heard of that. So thank you. I'm going
• 40:30
  Speaker 5: to get so good. Okay.
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: So I do a pretty smart question and I chose one,
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: and I was like, this was so meant to be.
• 40:36
  Speaker 5: Because I was actually curious. I don't know this about you. Okay.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: We shared an office for many years.
• 40:42
  Speaker 6: Danielle has seen me in all shapes, sizes, forms, So
• 40:46
  Speaker 6: this is going to be good.
• 40:47
  Speaker 5: It's good.
• 40:47
  Speaker 4: What's something you wish people could see about you? That
• 40:50
  Speaker 4: they don't see it for his glance.
• 40:51
  Speaker 6: Hmmm, Oh, Rebe, this one is hard. That I really
• 40:59
  Speaker 6: do care about people and in a really deep and
• 41:04
  Speaker 6: meaningful way. I would much rather have a one on
• 41:07
  Speaker 6: one conversation with a person than groupthink or parties. And
• 41:12
  Speaker 6: I play the game of networking and you know, being
• 41:16
  Speaker 6: happy and excited to be at any place with all
• 41:19
  Speaker 6: these people to talk about whatever. But I really love
• 41:22
  Speaker 6: getting to know people one on one. It fills me
• 41:25
  Speaker 6: up and I love that about me that I love really.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: Getting to know people.
• 41:31
  Speaker 6: I think it's hard because I'm such an extrovert on
• 41:35
  Speaker 6: the internet and I'm such a like bubbly, over the
• 41:37
  Speaker 6: top personality, which I really am in a lot of ways.
• 41:40
  Speaker 6: But there is this other side to me that loves
• 41:43
  Speaker 6: sitting down with a glass of wine in pjs, figuring
• 41:46
  Speaker 6: out what's going on in your life.
• 41:48
  Speaker 5: That's my favorite eron Okay, the smartest decision You've ever made?
• 41:53
  Speaker 6: To go on a blind date with my husband. I
• 41:56
  Speaker 6: had just broken up with my boyfriend a week earlier,
• 41:59
  Speaker 6: was not in a relationship. I'd made a list of
• 42:01
  Speaker 6: everything that I wanted and what I didn't want, and
• 42:04
  Speaker 6: I was so frustrated, and I was like, why do
• 42:06
  Speaker 6: I keep picking the wrong guys? And you know, what
• 42:09
  Speaker 6: am I really looking for? And this person was like,
• 42:12
  Speaker 6: You're gonna go to a date with this guy, he's
• 42:13
  Speaker 6: four years younger than you.
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: I was like, no, way, not interested.
• 42:17
  Speaker 6: And I did it because I just felt obligated because
• 42:21
  Speaker 6: this person was a photographer and a friend. And I
• 42:24
  Speaker 6: was like, okay, fine, and I went on that date.
• 42:26
  Speaker 6: And I remember thinking, I almost said no to my
• 42:30
  Speaker 6: future husband. So that was the best decision I ever made.
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: For sure.
• 42:36
  Speaker 5: Got chills when you said that.
• 42:37
  Speaker 6: I always say, if it's not a hell no, it's
• 42:40
  Speaker 6: a yes.
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: Which is interesting because people usually say the opposite, not me.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: If it's not a hell no, it's a yes. I
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: like that unless you're busy.
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: Or tired, or have to call your mom, or your
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: car's broken, or in my case, just don't want to
• 42:59
  Speaker 4: We gotta work after this is over, yeah, and then
• 43:02
  Speaker 4: the real therapy session begins between the two of us.
• 43:05
  Speaker 5: I know, Aaron, thank you. I know you have so
• 43:07
  Speaker 5: much going on in your life. I'm so grateful for you.
• 43:10
  Speaker 6: I always love conversations with you, and I always love
• 43:14
  Speaker 6: chatting with people through the stuff they're going through.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not a therapist.
• 43:19
  Speaker 6: I don't have experience and everything, but I do like
• 43:23
  Speaker 6: hope imparting wisdom as much as I can and hope
• 43:27
  Speaker 6: that it sticks.
• 43:29
  Speaker 5: It's always stuck with me. I find you to be
• 43:31
  Speaker 5: So you're like a sage. So where can everybody find
• 43:35
  Speaker 5: your sage wisdom?
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 43:37
  Speaker 6: Well, speaking of wisdom, I did just put together a
• 43:40
  Speaker 6: YouTube course. It's called the YouTube Starter Kit, and it's
• 43:44
  Speaker 6: five hours of everything that I've ever learned about creating
• 43:47
  Speaker 6: content on YouTube. I actually learned a lot by putting
• 43:50
  Speaker 6: it together. And that is at thecreatorcake dot com. It's
• 43:55
  Speaker 6: my new soft launch of my new brand. I'm on
• 43:59
  Speaker 6: Instagram at Aaron Robinson, TikTok at Aaron Robinson, YouTube, Google
• 44:04
  Speaker 6: Aaron Robinson. You can find me there, but yeah, or
• 44:07
  Speaker 6: just go find me. I'm somewhere on Daniel or Bay's page.
• 44:09
  Speaker 6: If you can't find me, go to her the people
• 44:11
  Speaker 6: she follows.
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: You'll find me.
• 44:13
  Speaker 4: Well. Also, just to add to that, you're always the
• 44:17
  Speaker 4: one that keeps me on top of what's going on
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: on YouTube or Instagram. In terms of numbers and insights,
• 44:24
  Speaker 4: I never really understand and you break it down in
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: a digestible way.
• 44:27
  Speaker 5: So I'm actually going to take the course now. I'm excited.
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm gonna send it to you. You should.
• 44:32
  Speaker 6: It's really interesting and I'm not just saying that because
• 44:35
  Speaker 6: it's mine. It's a deep dive. I mean, what's great
• 44:37
  Speaker 6: about YouTube. If anybody wants to start, now is the time.
• 44:40
  Speaker 6: It's better to start now than ever before.
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: For real.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: The playing field has been leveled.
• 44:45
  Speaker 6: The analytics that are available to you allow you now
• 44:48
  Speaker 6: to be more strategic than ever. You can come up
• 44:50
  Speaker 6: in the one, two, three spot in search, whereas four
• 44:54
  Speaker 6: or five years ago was only.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: The big YouTubers that would pipe up.
• 44:57
  Speaker 6: And so now there's a lot of room for people
• 45:00
  Speaker 6: to grow on the platform.
• 45:02
  Speaker 5: So that's good to know.
• 45:04
  Speaker 6: Yeah, let me know if you want to hang out,
• 45:05
  Speaker 6: I can help you with your YouTube channel.
• 45:06
  Speaker 5: All right, let's discuss.
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: We'll talk after this. Thank you, thank you.
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: All right, Today is a good day.
• 45:29
  Speaker 5: To have a good day. I'll see you next week.