Latest / The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast / 267. How To Make Your Sexual Intimacy More "Intimate"

Transcript

267. How To Make Your Sexual Intimacy More "Intimate" · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: It's that time of the month I mean the week again for the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast with Nick and Amy, and today's episode is titled how to Make Sexual Intimacy More Intimate.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: I, I don't know.
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: What you don't know.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: I'm excited for this episode.
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Amy has prepared this episode, so I'm excited to gain the wisdom and learn from Amy about how we can make it more intimate.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: Hmm, I think these are going to be pretty.
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: I don't want to say self-explanatory, because there's a couple that I was like oh, I can do better at that.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: So I think that a couple of these will be eye-opening for some couples.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: Okay, but Nick's making faces at me right now.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Sorry, yeah, you can't see us Sorry.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: Anyways.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: Okay, let's go to the basics right here.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: Sexual intimacy we always talk about it.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: It's intimacy, it's different than sex and marriage.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: It's intimate, yeah, when your sexual intimacy is more intimate.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: It's way better than just sex, Like I think, okay, let me say this, and maybe Okay, have you ever had times when you have sex and you get done and you kind of feel empty and you're like like, almost like.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: It just wasn't connecting.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there was no connection.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: You don't feel anything gratifying afterwards?
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: Even with your.
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: I mean we're talking.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: We're talking with your, obviously, with your spouse, of course yeah.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: Well, I know.
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: I just mean like there are times, even in a loving marriage, where you get done and it's just not super connecting, like, and then we're going to talk about that.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: Sometimes it's mindset, sometimes it's all mental right, like someone's just not really there, someone's just not really into it.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: And again, as we've talked about before, sometimes that's okay, right, at least you're connecting.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: That's better than not connecting at all.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: Agreed, agreed.
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: But like that's better than not connecting at all.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: Agreed, agreed, but like we always talk about it, sexual intimacy in marriage we want it to be intimate all the time.
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: We want that.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: Connecting, loving, uniting what other amazing words.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm talking about right Totally.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: We want both people to get down and be like I love you so much.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: I felt that that's what I'm talking about when I think of intimate.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: I felt your love during that.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: I felt your love before.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: I felt your love after that's ultimate intimacy right.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: It was a lot more than just the act.
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: It's not about the act, and so that's what this podcast episode is going to be is about how to make sexual intimacy Hopefully it's already intimate intimate, but how do we make it more intimate?
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: And I think every couple can benefit from this, because I think sometimes we do do it out of maintenance, we do do it out of routine some a lot of women we hear from them and some men just like it's just another thing I gotta do.
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: Obviously we're going to talk about mindset in this, but like, how do we really make it so that both spouses are feeling intimate during it?
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: well, and I bet if you remember the most like enjoyable times making love, I'll bet you anything that like, the emotional intimacy was real strong, the connection was real strong, that there were, there were, the stars were aligned, so to speak, right right, and because those things were good, the sexual intimacy was just amazing.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: And so we'll hit on a lot of those uh as to you know how we can make our sexual intimacy more intimate.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: But again, it's not about, like all the greatest position or, um, you know, sometimes those are fun, don't get us wrong.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Like, yeah, obviously right, sometimes it is.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: We do need to try new things and do positions, and some positions are amazing, they feel better than the others and things like that.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: But it's what I'm trying to get at is there's a lot of deep things that are intertwined or encompassed when sexual intimacy is even more amazing and we've talked about in previous episodes, about, like, different kinds of sexual intimacy.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: Right, like sometimes it's maintenance, sometimes it's fun, sometimes it is pleasurable for both people, sometimes it's just let's have a quickie.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: This episode's gonna be like how do we make it intimate, like really?
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: intimate.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: How do we make it deep?
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: deep, emotionally connecting.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: That's what we're going to be talking about.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: So we're going to just jump right in and we're going to start with foreplay, and when you think, okay, you just got done talking about it being intimate and deep, what I want to talk about foreplay in this subject is foreplay starts in the morning, it starts in the kitchen.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: You've heard all those phrases we say Foreplay is all the little things that you do during the day to make your spouse feel loved.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: That is the kind of foreplay I want to talk about.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: When it comes to making sex intimate, I agree, and it's not just like touch me here, touch me there, no, like it's more like foreplay to me is like we talked about a couple episodes.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: The passion of kissing right, Right, Like really connecting even before the sexual intimacy starts.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: Right, and so we could talk about kissing.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: Like, if you want to go back and listen to the, it's just a couple, just a couple previous, right.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: And it's a good one.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: It's a great episode.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a couple previous right, and it's a good one.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: It's a great episode.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't know we could have such a good and fun episode about kissing.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: Just kissing it is yeah, it's a good one.
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: And that is the best kind of foreplay, because we talked about in the episode how connecting and passionate kissing really is, and so, instead of having to do crazy things or touch each other, I'm just going to say, like, passionate kissing once again I'm repeating myself is a great form of foreplay, if you want that really best form if you want that really connected sexual intimacy yeah you totally agree.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: So just remember, foreplay is like all the little things that you do during the day before you're gonna make love.
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: We want to call it making love, and if you're really making love, that means you're super emotionally connected to each other.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: You've listened to each other, you've talked to each other.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: You, you're feeling the love.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: You're feeling the love.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, my neck's getting tired because if you saw me, I'm just shaking my head.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, on everything she's talking.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: The next one to make sex more connecting and intimate is more eye contact.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Amy doesn't like this one.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: I'm like, babe, let's leave the lights on.
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: I want to look at you while I'm making love.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: I don't mind leaving the lights on whatever, but like I am going to be totally honest with this one.
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: It's hard for me when you just have those big eyes and you're just staring at me Like you're kissing me, and then you look up and you just stare at me.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: Is it kind of like the Impractical Jokers episode where Joe's just like staring at people, Kind of.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: Is it just kind of awkward?
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: Is it kind of like an awkward or weird feeling?
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Like you're like, oh, oh, what's wrong with this?
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: guy well, you're my husband and I don't ever think you're awkward.
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: But like staring at each other during intimacy, like I, I don't know.
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: Maybe it's a a girl sorry, a girl thing where my mind is getting distracted a little bit and I have to like kind of concentrate during I don't know, and he's like lights out, lights out I think it's just the lights out because of the you want to like.
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: Look in my eyes.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: Anyways, I'm contradicting what I just said, because eye contact is supposed to be completely intimate and so maybe I need to figure out saying you have to do all these things it's not like if you don't have great eye contact, your sex is going to be horrible.
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: I'm not saying like literally stare at each other right, like awkwardly, but for you, you would agree, the eye contact is very intimate I like eye contact.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you like eye contact.
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: So if you don't like it during the act maybe it's you know, when you break from kissing or something, and then you, whatever it looks, like to you.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: Okay, who came up with closing your eyes while you're kissing or being intimate Because your face is like right in front of you.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: Well, I know, but even just being intimate, right Like somehow we're taught that we have to have our eyes closed.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, my eyes are closed because I'm thinking and concentrating.
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: Hey, that works, that works Whatever works for you that my eyes are closed because I'm thinking and concentrating.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: Hey, that works, that works, whatever works for you.
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: That's just like one of the ideas.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: The next one is touch, physical touch More.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: Not sexual touch during intimate times, but physical touch Like the gentle caresses, the soft kisses, the neck kisses, the strokes, the Grabbing your wife's hands and rubbing her holding hands is super, super intimate, do you agree?
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: absolutely like during making love, hold hands more like that's a very intimate act.
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: I I think that one goes hand in hand with kissing maybe not quite so at the top, but I think that one's like right under.
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: I love holding hands.
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: I think it's an intimate thing.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: That's why we hold hands, don't we?
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: And hold hands out before sexual intimacy too, On your walks in the car on date night.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: The more you hold hands, I think, the more that increases the emotional intimacy and connection also.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: For sure, Do you agree?
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: I agree.
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: The next one is slow it down.
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: I think it's really important to not be in a hurry, and this is hard for some women, because some women are like just get over it, I'm tired.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: That mindset alone is like an intimacy killer, right Like if you really love each other and you're really trying to enjoy each other intimately, you've got to not be rushing it.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: Well, what's funny is I actually like what I think before we get intimate, I'm like all right, what can I do to make this like last as long as we can, because I enjoy it so much.
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: So, like, what things can I do?
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: And I would think most guys are like that.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: I mean, you might have some that are like let's just, let's just do this, but I think most guys you know, what can I do to make this last longer more enjoyable?
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: Take my time, like I said, kind of go through different routines.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: Rather than just going from zero to 100, you know, go from zero to 20 and start making out and then touching each other and just building it up.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: Sexual intimacy is going to be so much better if there's that build-up, you know why don't you tell them your favorite way to build up?
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: because I think this is like the perfect time to share it honestly like I.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: There is nothing more I like than giving amy a massage.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: I ask her all the time I'm like, hey, can I give you an intimate massage night?
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: And sometimes she just says, nah, let nah, let's just take care of business.
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: And sometimes it's not that I don't want it to be intimate, it's just sometimes I'm like I literally am exhausted and I want to be intimate with you, but I don't want it to be an hour, and that's okay, and that's totally okay.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: That's okay and I'm not complaining at all.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: But I really do like giving her a massage and I like doing it as long as I can because I'm a physical touch person.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: So like when I'm giving Amy a massage that in a way is fulfilling my physical touch.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: Like I love touching her so I'm able to just touch her body, look at her and just like it's an amazing thing to just kind of slowly spend the time doing that.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: And I would think most men are like that.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: And it it really not that it takes much to turn me on, but it really, like, builds up right.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: The more I'm touching you and rubbing you and looking at you visually and doing that, um, absolutely it builds up.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: and and then I'm to the point where you know, I think that one goes right under or right with holding hands, like I feel, like passionately kissing each other, massaging um, just touching your spouse's body and enjoying each other and not rushing like I don't know, like those are just great ways to really enjoy each other and I think most men are very visual right.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: So being able to touch our wife's body and watch as we do that, and hopefully a massage, feels really good I don't know why any wife would like deny a massage, unless they just are really wanting to go to bed.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: I mean to me one of the most and best ways to make your sexual intimacy more intimate is by starting out with a with an intimate massage yeah.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: So I don't know.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: I just thought that it comes down that one kind of affects the slow it down aspect and the physical touch aspect.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: I also think too like and people are gonna think, well, how, how does this work?
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: Because your mind's not really focused.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: But I also really feel like naked movie night uh, does that as well too?
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: Like there's just something about cuddling together naked and watching a movie, and then you're slowly like touching each other and intentionally like, oh, I'm going to try to start driving her crazy to see if she can make it through the whole movie.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: Like it's a really great way, even though you're watching the movie, it's still an amazing and wonderful way to just slowly build things up, right?
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: Well, you're smiling at me like Well, I'm only smiling because you're like watching the movie.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: I'm like, well, I'm watching the movie.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you're watching the movie, yeah sometimes she's just like totally into the movie, doesn't even know I exist.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: That's okay too.
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: I would take the movie part out for intimate because I don't know that that's the most intimate way.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: My point is your body's next to each other.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: You're touching.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: A lot of times when we're doing that, I'm holding Amy's hand, or I'm rubbing her arm, or we're just close to each other.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: We're filling each other's bodies and so I don't know.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: To me that's really intimate as well.
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: That's really intimate.
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: Nakedness is intimate, right.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: The next one that I have written down is deep breathing.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: I don't really notice that one for me.
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: I think a lot of people say, if they slow things down and really focus on Anyone that's like into like meditation or like breath work, that kind of stuff.
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: I'm not into that, but a lot of people are and I think that could be really helpful yeah, I've never really experienced that.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: I know my breathing gets more heavy um, but I haven't really you gotta slow it down, babe.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: You gotta slow it down.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: Anyways, you can look into that one if that interests you.
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: Um, we've already mentioned emotional connection, but I want to add in during lovemaking, the more emotional connection you can give during that, the more intimate becomes.
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: So we're talking about like expressing love, saying I love you, um appreciation.
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: That's important as you're making love, right, you know how much I love you, sweetie.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: I like don't compliment stuff like that.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: I tell amy a lot of the time like, like I couldn't imagine anything more amazing than making love to you and touching your body and just being with you.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: And so the whole point is like I think verbal words, more verbal affection can be huge to make it more intimate.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: The more you say I love you, and just connecting things like that just makes it really intimate and a lot of people I think think it's weird to talk during sex and we're not saying have a conversation like oh, what you up for lunch today and things like that.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: Like I think talk intimately, like express your love verbally to each other and how you feel and how your spouse makes you feel and just where you like to be touched, and things like that.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: Like just having that, that communication, intimate communication, intimate communication is what we call it.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, this is a great one.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: And things like that, like just having that, that communication, intimate communication.
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: Communication is what we call it absolutely, um, this is a great one, the one I want to touch on for a couple minutes.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: This next one is about creating, um, a sensual environment to be intimate.
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: I think it's really important and I know I've stated this I don't know if we've done a podcast on this it's really important and I know I've stated this I don't know if we've done a podcast on this, but like the bedroom alone, your atmosphere in your bedroom, not having crap all over your room, lighting some candles or bless our cute little daughter's heart for Christmas.
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: Every time I'd walk in her room, she has those like string lights hanging down on her wall and she's so cute.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh my gosh, I love how cute your room is.
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: Every time I walk in here, the faint little twinkly lights on your wall, so I didn't really mean like I wanted some we want that in our room but she surprised us for christmas and she's like you love my lights so much.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: I wanted your room to look romantic for you and dad and she would not go to sleep till I put them up literally on christmas eve he put them up in our room on our wall.
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: We have little string lights come down our wall, but when it's dark and you flick those off, it's just like it's really cool, it's a little romantic, it's really romantic and it's a really awesome ambiance.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: I would give it that, and I've always known what a difference lighting makes in a mood and in an atmosphere, but I didn't realize how important lighting is, and even just lighting candles and stuff.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: Who would have thought our little daughter's present would get us in the mood more often?
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: So my point is is like creating an atmosphere where you both feel intimate.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: That is a product we need to add into our store.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: What.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: The string lights.
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: Oh, some fairy lights.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: I swear by them.
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: I think it's the most romantic atmosphere.
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: Or just lighting candles or whatever.
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: I think the more you can make your room feel romantic and inviting intimately, I feel like it does change your entire situation, do you agree?
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no question.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: I'll return them on all the time now?
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Right, absolutely, and even like relaxing music and, like I already said, just cleanliness, just having that be like your intimate space.
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: I don't think couples realize how important, like the bedroom is supposed to be.
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: Your intimate space, like maybe that's keeping phones out or keeping distractions out, like making it a sanctuary where you guys can retreat, and that's keeping phones out or keeping distractions out, like making it a sanctuary where you guys can retreat, and that's like your couples place, like I think, and it's also good for your mind, you're making it a romantic atmosphere and an uncluttered so that you're you're not distracted.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: Because I think the next one I want to talk about is distractions.
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: If you're trying to make sexual intimacy intimate, it needs to be distraction free, because I know for us women like our mind can get distracted in the middle of anything, with the sound of anything, right yeah it just happens like that's how we're creative, and so the less you can put distraction wise into your room and into that moment, the more focused you can be on each other, and that's what we're trying to get at yeah, I think that's a great, great point great add-in great and no distractions right um, which brings me to my next one, that's mindfulness.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: Mindset is like key to a woman yeah, we talk about this all the time even with other things, but just like your attitude or your perception on things like having a.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: Do you look at the glass half full or half empty?
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: Like even just about this all the time, even with other things?
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: But just like your attitude or your perception on things like having a, do you look at the glass half full or half empty?
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: Like even just your attitude towards sex, like you know what?
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: I want this to be a great experience.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: I want to enjoy this, and your spouse is going to see that too.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: Absolutely your husband or wife.
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: No spouse wants to just be a beast, be getting make it love, to, just to check things something off the list, like there's nothing more a spouse wants than to know that his spouse desires them.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: Um, in that way.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: That's what makes it intimate Absolutely.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: It's feeling desired, right Like the difference between making love and knowing that you're not in the mood versus knowing you're in the mood and really into it changes the whole experience right.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: Right, if I know you're in, and that's why I think, going back to initiating, if you initiated with me, I know that, oh, she's probably in the mood, or at least she's willing to get into the mood, right, and, and so that's why I would say some of the best times making love are the times that you've initiated, um, because I'm like, oh she, this is something she wants right, right, right, good point.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: um, the next one we're going to talk about is just and we're getting close to ending cuddling afterwards.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: You've heard the word foreplay, you know what foreplay is, but I once read a quote that said something about afterplay is just as important as foreplay, and that's just making sure that.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: It was amazing for both of you, that you're both feeling emotionally connected and sexually connected and spiritually connected.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: well, think of the times like okay, you get done, making love you're done, you just roll over and that's the end of I'm so guilty versus the times where you're like cuddling and still talking like that's.
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: That is a lot more meaningful and it makes it feel like okay, it wasn't just sex, like we, we've been connecting the whole time and we're still connecting, rather than just like okay, we're done and just rolling over, and that's it so I think for tips for this one is like realize how important that is and and don't rush being done, like you don't have to jump up and be like I gotta clean up, like right then you don't need to clean up, right then you don't stand bad and hold each other for a minute.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: Talk to each other for a minute like how, how was that for you?
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: Are you feeling emotionally connected, like or just have a conversation?
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: I mean, that's emotionally connecting yourself, is just laying there and talking, naked together and holding each other right yeah hold hands, kiss some a little bit more okay, I don't want to.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: How do I say this appropriately?
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: Like the time, there's been a couple of times like we've been on vacation or something, to where we'll make love and then we hold each other and we're naked and we're we're still connecting, and then we have a round two because we're both like, still like.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: In that connection standpoint, I'm and I'm saying this like not to be- well, it's usually on vacation, because yeah, but the point I'm trying to make is like we were craving each other and the intimacy and the connection was so strong that, as we stayed connecting after making love, it actually led to making love again.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: Right, and that's the point I'm trying to make.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: You wanted to end like that so that could happen, right, even if it doesn't happen.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: But the point I'm making is, regardless of whether making love happens two times or a double header, the point I'm trying to make is that like how important it is to connect afterwards because you've just been so vulnerable with each other.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: What a great point to continue connecting a little bit longer.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Totally agree, totally agree, but even if you don't connect again, that's okay.
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: Intimately being in that state of mind or in that place where you feel like you could, is the entire goal, right?
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, that's the entire goal.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: Exactly, goal right, yeah, exactly, that's an entire goal.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: Exactly, but that's my whole point is the reason you connect sexually again is because you were already so connected emotionally in every other way.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: That's the whole point I'm trying to make and hit on is the whole.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: The sexual intimacy happened because you were so connected after having sexual intimacy already.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: Agreed.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: That's why it happened again.
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: Is you're like oh, I desire, I crave, I want to connect with you this way again, you know?
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: And those to get to that point after is not hard, it's just simple things right.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: It's literally just not being in a hurry, reconnecting or staying connected.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: Keep cuddling or kissing or whatever, and talking to each other.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: Which leads us to our very last one, which is to re uh, reflect and connect.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: Make sure that you're still connected yeah, for sure right no, yeah, no question it.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: It is amazing how, like when you're connected, like naturally, you are just going to desire to make love and be connected even more for sure, I mean it's, it's.
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: It's incredible how that goes hand in hand and getting back to the emotional intimacy as well, and how important that is and I think we can all pinpoint the times where it's really intimate and connecting and times where it's not, and probably most couples can see the difference between the two and what wasn't done or was done to separate that Right.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: And again, not to give too much info, but I remember this was probably like three years ago.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: I remember we were on a kind of a family reunion vacation and Amy and I, you know, made love, and then we were just so connecting that like three hours later Amy wanted to make love again.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: And I'm just saying that.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying that.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: Honestly, from a standpoint of like that doesn't.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: That obviously doesn't happen very often.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: But the point I'm trying to make is again, when you're connected so deeply, it's going to continue to.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: You're going to want to connect, continue to connect that's the whole point, and it's not, oh, it's not sexual necessarily.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying, is like I was going to say it all started with the emotional connection.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she didn't.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: She wasn't in the mood to make love again three hours later.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: Because of that she was in the mood to make love again three hours later.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: Because of that she was in the mood, I would guess because we were so emotionally connected and things were at such an emotionally high level in our relationship at that point.
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: So the entire point of this conversation we're going to wrap up.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: Is that true?
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: Yes, no, it's definitely the emotional connection.
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: The emotional connection comes first.
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: A few podcasts ago, we did all about how to be more emotionally connected to each other, all the things, the simple things that you can do to become more emotionally connected to each other so that the sex is better, and that's what it comes down to.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: So I'm sorry for sharing too much details.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: I honestly I'm not sharing those for any other reason than to prove the point and share experiences to prove the point that we've actually are trying to make to you and show you that you know, we've seen it in our own life.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: Right, there's a big difference.
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: There's a big difference between sexual intimacy and not really connected.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: Sexual intimacy, the really connected kind, which we want everyone to be having, which starts with amazing emotional connection.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: It starts in be having which starts with amazing emotional connection.
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: It starts in the morning, it's, it starts with how you treat each other, how you talk to each other, the little things you do for each other, the effort that you put into your marriage.
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: That's where it starts, yep.
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: Love it, love it.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: Hopefully, this is a great episode.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: Hopefully you learn something from it.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: Um, I yeah hopefully, hopefully, hopefully so, but before we wrap this up, we have probably one of the best products we've ever tried.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: We're trying to determine, um, what are we trying to determine?
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: We found.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: We want to see if everyone feels the way we feel about it we found an incredible product, probably one of the best products we've ever used.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: It is an intimate massage cream that is a lubricant 100% natural, organic edible.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: It has an amazing smell and it's a massage cream, a lubricant.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: And it's a body butter.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's a body butter and it solves a lot of issues, so check it out.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: A body butter, yeah, and it's a body butter and it solves a lot of issues, so check it out in our shop.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: We really think you're going to like this product and we'd love to get your feedback on it and let us know what you think as well.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: It is probably the best lubricant.
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: Slash, massage oil, slash.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: It's edible, organic, smells amazing, like I can't even.
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: It is the best thing we've ever found.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: We'll put a link to the product in our description below.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: You can click on that.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: Know exactly what we're talking about.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: So until next time.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: We hope all of you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.