Latest / Is Your Way In Your Way? / Embracing True Identity: Marcy Langlois's Journey of Resilience and Transformation

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Embracing True Identity: Marcy Langlois's Journey of Resilience and Transformation · Is Your Way In Your Way?

0:25
Cassandra: Welcome to Is Your Way In Your Way podcast and I'm your host, cassandra Crawley-Mayo.
0:28
Cassandra: And for those new listeners out there, let me share with you what this podcast is all about.
0:32
Cassandra: Not only did I write a book titled Is your Way In your Way, but I have called this podcast the same title as the book because there are individuals or women or men that are listening that are stuck, and what I mean by that.
0:47
Cassandra: There's certain things that they would like to do in their lives, but they are stuck, and what I mean by that.
0:49
Cassandra: There's certain things that they would like to do in their lives, but they're stuck.
0:51
Cassandra: They can't move forward.
0:53
Cassandra: For example, some wanna start their own company, some wanna coach, some wanna be an entrepreneur, some wanna write a book, some wanna be an advocate for something.
1:02
Cassandra: Somebody even wants to forgive someone, someone even wants to get out of a toxic relationship where you know that it's not good for you, but yet you're just stuck with it, you know.
1:11
Cassandra: So that's why, on this podcast, we talk about topics related to business development, personal development, self-reflection and all that kind of stuff, and so today we have a special guest on, and I'm going to tell you what the title is.
1:30
Cassandra: First of all, the title of this is You're Worth the Work, how to transcend your life, and no better person.
1:38
Cassandra: There's one person, that boy does she have a story?
1:41
Cassandra: I like to welcome Marcy Langlois.
1:44
Cassandra: Is that right?
1:45
Cassandra: Langlois, langlois, okay, langlois, okay, I won't be saying that last name anymore.
1:58
Marcy: Well, look, Marcy, welcome to the podcast.
2:00
Marcy: Oh, thank you so much for having me, Cassandra.
2:03
Cassandra: What an honor and pleasure to be here today.
2:04
Cassandra: Yeah, let me.
2:04
Cassandra: What I want to do now is I want to read your background so that my listeners can kind of get a little history about Marcy and see what Marcy's life is, what has been and was and still is Now.
2:19
Cassandra: Marcy was born with a cleft lip and palate.
2:23
Cassandra: Her childhood was marked by an excruciating series of surgical procedures more than 23, and all before the age of 18.
2:33
Cassandra: Because she looked and talked differently than other kids, she was relentlessly teased and bullied.
2:40
Cassandra: Her journey into adulthood was marked by challenging, traumatic and downright tragic waypoints Coming out as a queer woman, involvement in a multiple fatality, car accident and a devastating descent into addiction and chronic illness.
2:59
Cassandra: Though she got off to a rough start in her life, she's discovered one thing no matter what obstacles were in her path, living beyond your limits is not just a dream.
3:11
Cassandra: It's infinitely possible.
3:14
Cassandra: She has overcome these experiences and thrived in every area of her life.
3:19
Cassandra: She has learned how to heal her body using the power of the mind, regulating her nervous system and embodying herself.
3:28
Cassandra: So I want to share her story with you so that she's going to actually bring some hope and provide the tools that she's used to transcend her experiences.
3:43
Cassandra: Now, what's really interesting when I read about you, Marcy, one of the things I've always seen on television was individuals like children.
3:51
Cassandra: They would show children with cleft lip and palate, and you know and I would look at them and how they would have to have surgery.
4:01
Cassandra: You know, usually they would show commercials of individuals out of the country that would have that.
4:06
Cassandra: So just to meet somebody with that, I'm certain that experience was just unbelievable.
4:13
Cassandra: But looking at you, you have transcended that too, because if I didn't read it, nobody would even know it.
4:19
Cassandra: However, you have a story behind that as well.
4:23
Cassandra: So what I want to say is Marcy's story is going to be a powerful testament to the human spirit's ability to overcome adversity.
4:32
Cassandra: You're going to find healing and inspire others to do the same.
4:36
Cassandra: Now, usually, when I start my podcast, I like to ask individuals tell me a little bit about your backstory.
4:46
Cassandra: However, as I read your bio, there's a lot about your backstory, so I don't really have to go deep into that, because, just reading it, individuals know what it was like.
4:56
Cassandra: So what I would like to know, though what was it about your life that, if you could change anything, what would that be?
5:11
Cassandra: Or, if not, why not?
5:16
Marcy: I love your sass.
5:17
Marcy: It's so great.
5:20
Cassandra: Thank you.
5:21
Marcy: Yeah, it's so great, I love it.
5:23
Marcy: Yeah, I wouldn't change anything.
5:28
Marcy: I wouldn't change one single thing.
5:30
Marcy: And the reason that I wouldn't change anything is because I know today this was actually in my gratitude list this morning as I was doing my morning walk is that I'm so grateful for every moment of my life, every single moment of my life, because each of those moments has gotten me to this exact moment in my life today.
6:00
Marcy: And I wouldn't be here had I not had all of those experiences.
6:05
Marcy: We can only feel as much love as we felt despair.
6:10
Marcy: It's impossible to feel more Right.
6:13
Marcy: So I've known great despair, but I also now know great love, and I wouldn't change it for all the money in the world.
6:24
Cassandra: That's beautiful.
6:25
Cassandra: So I'm certain there were times in your life that you wish you could have changed things right.
6:31
Marcy: Oh my goodness, A lot, so many, yes, so many.
6:36
Marcy: And the more I stayed in the victim mindset and that this is happening to me and poor me, and you know, oh my God, of course I'm drinking.
6:47
Marcy: Look at my life and you know all of that, those beliefs and stories and letting that fuel that, then, yes, it was very easy for me to want it to be different.
6:57
Cassandra: Right exactly Now, you talked about doing the drinking and the addiction that you had and one of the things that I know from family experiences and all of that kind of stuff, family.
7:14
Cassandra: , we kind of just struggles In our life.
7:15
Cassandra: We will use certain anecdotes to silence it.
7:17
Cassandra: Like, perhaps the alcohol was one.
7:19
Cassandra: Some people use sex as another, some as a workaholic.
7:23
Cassandra: You know, it's always something in other words, you used alcohol to silence what you were going through.
7:31
Cassandra: Is that correct?
7:34
Marcy: Yeah, I use drugs and alcohol and then later went on to use work.
7:40
Cassandra: Okay, All right.
7:41
Cassandra: So I'm saying that so my, my listeners will know that those are the things that happen, you know, when you're trying to silence things.
7:50
Cassandra: And then you may get to a point where you kind of get sick and tired of it and you're like what in the world can I do to stop this roller coaster?
7:58
Cassandra: Because that's what it sounds like it is.
8:00
Cassandra: So when you got into that accident, fatality, three people, if I'm not mistaken, right, three people tragically passed during that accident.
8:11
Cassandra: It was something about that that somewhat made you pivot, change your life a little bit.
8:16
Cassandra: What was that like?
8:20
Marcy: Yeah, so yes, three people did perish in that car accident and I was.
8:26
Marcy: You know, everybody always asks well, were you found responsible, right, were you legally responsible?
8:31
Marcy: And I was not.
8:32
Marcy: And I was not drinking either.
8:34
Marcy: That's the other question A lot of people are curious about.
8:37
Marcy: Uh, so I was not?
8:40
Marcy: Um, but yeah, there's a lot of things to say about that time in my life, but really the most important thing to say about that is when that happened, the lifetime of trauma that had preceded that, and I had not dealt with it.
9:01
Marcy: I was to drink and drug.
9:02
Marcy: I could not do anything else other than that, and honestly, in a lot of ways, that saved my life for a really long time until I could get the help that I needed to be able to deal with it.
9:25
Marcy: Okay.
9:26
Marcy: And then when I got sober is when I was able to start dealing with it, okay.
9:37
Cassandra: So you had a lot going on.
9:39
Cassandra: We talked about your cleft lip.
9:43
Cassandra: You talked about the drugs and alcohol.
9:47
Cassandra: You even talked about you coming out as a queer woman and all of those things what you would call adversities for some, and maybe, like you indicated, you had a pivotal moment.
9:59
Cassandra: Now, well, you know what?
10:00
Cassandra: I wouldn't change anything because, based on what I've been through, it's not who I am.
10:07
Cassandra: That doesn't define who I am.
10:09
Cassandra: So, and a lot of my listeners have gone through pretty much some of the things that you have gone through and so what were some of the tools or what did you use to get out of all of this?
10:23
Cassandra: How did you handle all of this?
10:28
Cassandra: I think one of the things you talked about was you kind of struggled, like the internal and external struggling, but yet you used what it was.
10:38
Cassandra: You said something about perfection.
10:39
Cassandra: You know you used perfection was an attempt to deflect attention from your perceived flaws.
10:46
Cassandra: Tell us about that, that perfection perceived flaws?
10:56
Marcy: That perfection, yeah, so I've.
10:57
Marcy: You know, I I don't know that I could put language to this when I was a younger person, but looking back now I can see clearly what I had been doing Right.
11:03
Marcy: But what I learned is is that if I could just be who you wanted me to be, then you would like me.
11:11
Marcy: Right.
11:12
Marcy: And I desperately wanted approval, and I want, and I wanted a sense of belonging, and so I would turn myself inside out to be who you wanted me to be, right.
11:24
Marcy: And, uh, I did that by being the best runner.
11:27
Marcy: When I was little, you know, when I was in elementary school, I'd be the smartest kid in the class and I'd be the funniest and I'd be the best athlete.
11:36
Marcy: I always was trying to be the best at everything, just hoping that by doing that you would like me.
11:44
Marcy: I noticed that that was working, so I kept doing it Right.
11:49
Cassandra: Exactly?
11:49
Cassandra: Do you know the people pleaser and wanting to be the best?
11:55
Cassandra: Do you know where that came from?
11:57
Cassandra: And I want to kind of.
11:59
Cassandra: Yeah, where did that come from?
12:00
Cassandra: Because I think a lot of us are like that.
12:03
Cassandra: You know we're people pleasers.
12:04
Cassandra: We want people to like us.
12:06
Cassandra: That, to me, somewhat, is natural.
12:08
Cassandra: There's some people say I don't care what they think.
12:10
Cassandra: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm, and I always said.
12:14
Cassandra: That's not true.
12:15
Cassandra: I used to say that when I was young, but that is not true.
12:22
Marcy: Yeah, you know, I grew up in a home with an active alcoholic.
12:28
Marcy: My father was an active alcoholic when I was young, and I learned at a really young age to keep the peace in the home and not have volatility.
12:41
Marcy: The only way I knew how to do that as a young kid was to arrange whatever it was that he wanted.
12:49
Marcy: Right, I'm going to, I'm going to please you so that you will not become really volatile and unpredictable.
12:56
Marcy: And, uh, it didn't work all the time, uh, but it did work sometimes.
13:02
Marcy: And so that was the beginning of that behavior.
13:07
Marcy: But then it became about my own self-worth, right, the people pleasing and the perfectionism is a sign of inadequacy within myself.
13:18
Marcy: Right, that's where that's coming from.
13:20
Marcy: I think I have this idea in my mind that if I can just be perfect enough, then you're going to love me.
13:50
Marcy: If I can just do it right this time, then you're going to approve of me.
13:55
Marcy: Right, and the reason that I'm seeking that is because I can't find it within myself.
14:01
Cassandra: Okay, okay, so tell us about some steps or tools you use to transcend yourself.
14:13
Marcy: Oh, yeah for sure.
14:14
Marcy: So, um, you know, life has been interesting, to say the least, and you know, I got sober 21 years ago and I thought I had arrived.
14:26
Marcy: You know, here I am.
14:30
Marcy: You know things are going to be great and really things got a lot worse before they got better.
14:35
Marcy: I plunged into work as my newfound addiction because the trauma had not been healed and I worked myself nearly to death and about three and a half years ago I almost died.
15:00
Marcy: I had been dealing with chronic illness all my life, from all of the things I dealt with, from being born with a cleft lip and palate, and so I had this chronic illness going on and a lot of things that no one could tell me how to heal from, and I just felt sick every day, literally and finally, after working like a fool, really, you know, seven days a week, from the moment I woke up till the moment I went to bed, even though I was going to therapy and I was doing all the things that everyone told me to do to heal this trauma, it became very clear to me that I was not healing it because three and a half years ago I almost died with mass cell activation syndrome and histamine intolerance.
15:38
Marcy: And that is when the nervous system and the immune system literally are vying for who's running the show and no one knows.
15:47
Marcy: The body doesn't know, and so it affects all the systems in the body and it is literally deadly.
15:53
Marcy: And um, you start having allergic reactions, anaphylaxis to everything and everyone, and it's terrifying.
16:03
Marcy: And so I got it.
16:05
Marcy: I became bedridden for 40 days and I realized in those 40 days that everything that I was thinking my body would respond to.
16:15
Marcy: So, for example, I would start getting stressed out about my career and my business, and when I would start thinking and getting stressed about it, then the tremors in my body would increase by like tenfold.
16:31
Marcy: Oh, wow.
16:31
Marcy: And if I could just sit there and be calm, right, as calm as you can be when you're having tremors in your brain and your heart's beating erratically, but be as calm as I could be, then my system would calm down and the tremors would start to lessen.
16:48
Marcy: So I started seeing that what I was thinking my body was creating.
16:56
Marcy: Okay, so for the last three and a half years I've dedicated my life to healing my body and I've done it.
17:02
Marcy: I've done it.
17:04
Marcy: I don't have mast cell activation syndrome or histamine intolerance or any chronic illness.
17:09
Marcy: I feel better at 48 years old than I've ever felt in my life, and what I've learned is is that our beliefs create our thoughts and our thoughts create our feelings, and our feelings create behaviors, and our behaviors create the life that we see in front of us.
17:30
Marcy: So if you don't like the life that you have in front of you, then you have to go back in the process and find out what the belief is that's driving the thought, that's driving the feeling, that's driving the behavior.
17:49
Cassandra: Wow, okay, wow.
17:51
Cassandra: So I know to my listeners, that you know.
17:54
Cassandra: Those are some of the things that keep you stuck.
17:57
Cassandra: You know I'm not worthy.
17:59
Cassandra: Or somebody a long time ago said I would be nothing that I couldn't learn easily.
18:08
Cassandra: I mean, it's just amazing how we have a tendency to believe the negative more than the positive.
18:16
Cassandra: You know, it's kind of like we shut down the positive and harp on that negative.
18:21
Cassandra: How did you learn how to do what you're doing with the mind, because the mind is very powerful.
18:27
Cassandra: So how did you you know you're in bed for how many days, how long?
18:34
Cassandra: 40.
18:35
Cassandra: Right, you're in bed for 40.
18:38
Cassandra: Wow, that's something.
18:41
Cassandra: And you got to a point that, okay, I got to do something.
18:46
Cassandra: And what you realized is when you will calm yourself down, the tremors and things would stop.
18:54
Cassandra: It kind of reminds me of anxiety on steroids.
18:58
Cassandra: That's right, yeah, that's right.
19:01
Cassandra: That's what it's.
19:02
Cassandra: That's what it reminds me of.
19:03
Cassandra: And you know, and, like you indicated, you can go to a therapist, you can go to a doctor.
19:08
Cassandra: Doctors don't know it all, but you know something's wrong.
19:12
Cassandra: And one of the things that used to bother me when I would go it was they always named it stress.
19:16
Cassandra: I'm like okay, so what are we going to do about it?
19:23
Cassandra: You know well you need to.
19:24
Cassandra: Okay, I'm like, ok, so what are we going to do about it?
19:25
Cassandra: I'm trying, you know, and if you keep telling me a stress, I'm going to be even more stressed.
19:28
Cassandra: So so kind of talk to my listeners about that, the belief system, like what are some of the things that they could do?
19:37
Cassandra: Do like you're not saying therapy was bad, but like repeat that again.
19:45
Cassandra: That can kind of help them adjust their mindset and start doing and living the life, that the life I always say that you deserve.
19:52
Cassandra: It's kind of like you're worth the work.
19:55
Cassandra: So I'm saying that because what you've done, you worked it.
19:58
Cassandra: I mean you went on a self-discovery journey and it didn't happen like overnight.
20:00
Cassandra: Because what you've done, you worked it.
20:01
Cassandra: I mean you went on a self-discovery journey, and it didn't happen like overnight, because what you went through was not an overnight situation.
20:05
Cassandra: So tell our listeners again how did you get to where you are today from all that you've been through?
20:13
Cassandra: And I'm not saying you're there, we're all a work in progress, but yet it's a massive improvement.
20:19
Cassandra: Let's tell them how that happened.
20:24
Marcy: Yeah, so it's been a long journey.
20:33
Marcy: I mean, it really started the day that I got sober, you know.
20:36
Marcy: So 21 years ago I started this journey of self-discovery and I sought every teacher that I could find.
20:42
Marcy: You know I love Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle and Joe Dispenza and Dr Kim Doramo and Dr David Hawkins.
20:53
Marcy: A lot of the things that I think and believe are based on the things that I've read from these people, listened to, studied under whatever,.
21:02
Marcy: but what I didn't understand I didn't understand most things, but what I didn't really get is that you can know something all day long, but until you believe it, until you internalize it and until you apply it.
21:25
Marcy: It doesn't matter how much you know it, right, right and that's where I was at for a really long time is I knew it, I knew the information and I believed it and I understood it, but I wasn't making this transformational shift within my own life, and so, over the last three and a half years, I've been an avid spiritual seeker all of my life really.
21:51
Marcy: I am obsessed with what it is.
21:54
Marcy: I don't know, but boy do I want to right and I'm always seeking and I'm always open to it and I believe that there's this source of energy.
22:05
Marcy: And so I've been meditating for probably like 10 or 12 years.
22:10
Marcy: But when I got really really sick, I really delved into meditation.
22:15
Marcy: I started meditating three and four hours a day and and then I've learned by working with my own process and working with my clients, is that this is this is the deal, is this is really literally what it comes down to?
22:33
Marcy: Is that what I believe creates my thoughts and my thought, creates the feeling and the feeling creates the behavior, and the behavior creates what I see in my life.
22:50
Marcy: So let me give you an example of how that really looks, right.
22:53
Marcy: So, I have a, so I had a feeling.
22:56
Marcy: The first day I was born I was hospitalized.
23:00
Marcy: I was hospitalized for the first seven days of my life.
23:02
Marcy: And I went through all these tests.
23:05
Marcy: Okay, so in the first 90 days of your life, your nervous system is being wired in your body.
23:12
Marcy: Literally it's being formed, and it's being formed either for safety and security or trauma and fear.
23:18
Marcy: Insecurity or trauma and fear.
23:20
Marcy: Well, my nervous system was wired for trauma and fear, a fear like a feeling of unsafety.
23:34
Marcy: Right, I was never safe and I felt that I never felt safe anywhere I was in my life.
23:38
Cassandra: Okay, so I had a belief, right, I was not safe.
23:39
Marcy: Okay, that created these thoughts that everything in my life was to be feared.
23:45
Marcy: I would never have enough, I would never be at, I'd never be.
23:49
Marcy: Okay, um, I don't like.
23:53
Marcy: Everything was based out of scarcity.
23:55
Marcy: Okay, so that created the thoughts.
23:58
Marcy: And then those feelings were panic, anxiety, never being content, always striving for the next thing, looking for safety somewhere.
24:13
Marcy: Okay, so those were the feelings that I operated on.
24:17
Marcy: So then the behavior was obsessive working, drinking alcohol, eating ice cream every day, spending money when I didn't have it Right.
24:31
Cassandra: Yeah.
24:32
Marcy: The outcome in my life was a mess.
24:36
Cassandra: Right.
24:38
Marcy: Iwas d oing the same thing to my daughter that was done to me.
24:41
Marcy: Right, right doing the same thing to my daughter.
24:42
Marcy: That was done to me right raising her in a home where there was no secure attachment because I was emotionally unavailable.
24:48
Marcy: Right working myself to death because I believed, I thought and I felt there was never going to be enough right, okay, never be enough of what by working would you think would never be enough?
25:04
Marcy: I'd never have enough money.
25:07
Cassandra: I grew up in a.
25:08
Marcy: I grew up in a home with no running water and no electricity for a time Okay.
25:12
Marcy: All right, so my brain is telling me oh, my God, we're not going to have running water or electricity, right?
25:19
Marcy: So I'm always working, trying to earn enough money, hoping that I'll have enough savings that I'll never be without running water or electricity again.
25:30
Marcy: Okay, right, I got it.
25:33
Marcy: Yeah, right, so this is how it literally plays out.
25:38
Marcy: So you can implement.
25:40
Marcy: You know, you can just put in whatever applies to you I'm not worthy, I'm not deserving of love, whatever that is Right.
25:48
Marcy: And then look at how that follows through in each part of your life to form the thought, the feeling and the behavior.
25:58
Cassandra: That's good, that's very good.
26:00
Cassandra: You know something you said that that I've done so often in my life through my self-discovery journey, and Lord knows I've been on a journey and I'm still on a journey.
26:12
Cassandra: But when you talked about different people that you like, deepak, and different people that you listen to, like, for me I did the same thing.
26:22
Cassandra: You know, I always say be careful what you listen to, be careful with the people you hang around with.
26:28
Cassandra: You know you want to make sure you have individuals that have your best interest at heart, and I always, like I needed something to inspire me, something motivating, something transformative, you know.
26:42
Cassandra: So I would listen and I would listen and I would listen.
26:44
Cassandra: And then, you know, you talked about the spirituality.
26:48
Cassandra: We, different people, have different forms of spirituality.
26:51
Cassandra: So my thing was God, you know.
26:53
Cassandra: So I read the Bible, I went to church, I did all because I know from I don't know, maybe 10 years of my life, I would say that's how I survived, you know.
27:06
Cassandra: And then, from that, then okay, so what's the next step?
27:10
Cassandra: Sure, I went to therapy too, but once you make that decision that you got to do something, you know that you want, you know, it's kind of like, you know, it's like God knows that, okay, she's really ready now.
27:28
Cassandra: So I'm going to move for her, I'm going to appear because the student's ready.
27:30
Cassandra: So readyt I Soppear.
27:30
Cassandra: a I'mo t theeady rteacheretting gnowI'm ,nd ready once you made the decision, you had a daughter.
27:34
Cassandra: A you t t right, yeah.
27:37
Cassandra: And it's like, oh, I don't want to, I don't want her to grow up like I did so therefore, I have, I have to make a change, and that's that's.
27:44
Cassandra: That's.
27:44
Cassandra: That's incredible.
27:45
Cassandra: Just sounds like many of our lives, but we may do different things to get to different outcomes, but yet you write on about the belief, and then the thought, and then how you feel, and then you start behaving.
27:58
Cassandra: Then you start behaving and you know, and what you said, what you see, is just interesting because it also a testament to what our backstory can do to us as we're growing up.
28:14
Cassandra: It's just unbelievable the impact, but yet it's kind of like you said, you're worth the work.
28:16
Cassandra: So how to transcend your life?
28:19
Cassandra: So, marcy, based on all that you have been through and you'll be going through more, because that's how life is what is it that gets a fire in your belly?
28:36
Cassandra: What motivates you?
28:37
Cassandra: What's your passion?
28:38
Cassandra: What is it that you know?
28:40
Cassandra: If I say you know, are you in a place where you're living your best life on your terms, would you say yeah, do you know what your best life looks like?
28:48
Cassandra: So what is that passion you have?
28:51
Marcy: Oh yeah, I'm living my best life.
28:53
Marcy: I've never been healthier in 48 years Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
29:02
Marcy: I've never been healthier in 48 years Um, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I've never been healthier.
29:05
Marcy: And um, my passion I mean the thing that just lights my soul up, literally is helping other people to live their best life.
29:14
Marcy: Like you know, I, I believe, I know I am a living, walking, breathing example that people can come through anything, that, um, that we have the power within us, the power.
29:32
Marcy: See, there's a lot of uh, misunderstanding about where the power is.
29:36
Marcy: Okay, people give their power away to things outside of themselves.
29:41
Marcy: The power is not outside of you.
29:43
Cassandra: Yes.
29:44
Marcy: Power is within you.
29:45
Marcy: That's right, right.
29:46
Marcy: And it really doesn't matter which spiritual teaching you to or talk about.
29:51
Marcy: They all tell you your heart, your heart, and it's there, you'll find it, and that's been my own experience and so my, my passion, my deepest desire and my mission is to walk people out of the fire right, walk out of the dark and show them the path, and, um, I, I just get so excited about it, honestly.
30:21
Cassandra: Have you found that a lot of people, because this is your passion and you are going to your passion is going to manifest, because this is something that you really desire.
30:33
Cassandra: Where do those people come from?
30:35
Cassandra: How do you find those people that are hurting and want to make those changes and and want to transcend their life and also for them to know that they are worthy of the work?
30:48
Cassandra: Where do you find those people?
30:51
Marcy: Yeah, I mean from doing podcast shows like this.
30:54
Marcy: You know you're in your show notes, you'll have my information, my contact information, I'm all you know.
31:01
Marcy: I'm all over social media, um, TikTok and Facebook, YouTube, uh, Instagram, and so I'm just out there putting content out all the time about how to help yourself.
31:15
Marcy: Right, Like, maybe you maybe right now you can't work with me personally because of whatever's going on in your life, but you can, but you can listen to my material.
31:25
Marcy: You can access my material every day for free on social media, Um, and, and I give a tip, at least one every single day on how you can change your life, how you can go from being stuck to empowered, all of that kind of stuff, how to face trauma.
31:42
Marcy: But really, again, it's, the work is within you, the body knows the body will tell you.
31:52
Marcy: the body will heal itself if you can create the right conditions.
31:58
Cassandra: Yeah, there's another question that I want to ask, and I have interviewed so many people, but I just feel that you can be a light in this category, because there are so many people that I say is still living in the closet.
32:16
Cassandra: There's certain things they don't want to confront.
32:18
Cassandra: There's certain things that's stopping them from moving forward, and one of the things you said when you were growing up, you were attracted to the same sex.
32:28
Cassandra: How did you overcome that?
32:31
Cassandra: Or how can my listeners overcome that?
32:33
Cassandra: Because there's some listeners that are still struggling with it, and I think, now that it's out's some listeners that are still struggling with it, and I think, now that it's out there, more people are talking about it.
32:43
Cassandra: It's like mental illness.
32:44
Cassandra: You know it's no more.
32:45
Cassandra: It's not taboo Well, it is, but it's not, you know.
32:48
Cassandra: So more people are open about it now, so it's a little different, but yet there's still individuals that don't want to talk about their mental illness, still don't want to talk about their, their identity as it relates to that.
32:59
Cassandra: How did you overcome that?
33:03
Marcy: I'm going to tell you right now that's a doozy.
33:05
Marcy: Um it it.
33:07
Marcy: It really was a struggle, uh, for me, and uh, I already had so much self-hatred going on from the way I look, the way I spoke, how I grew up not having anything, all of the things Right, yeah.
33:23
Marcy: So now you compound it with you know, this is my sexual orientation, this is who I am Right, Like I am.
33:32
Marcy: You know it was a doozy.
33:35
Marcy: You know it was a doozy, and how I overcame it was, um, getting to the crux of the shame that I felt about who I am Right.
33:46
Marcy: Shame is this word that gets thrown around a lot nowadays that we talk about mental health so much and shame is this the simplest concept of shame that I can tell people to work with, is this fundamental feeling that there is something wrong with who we are, that, as I am, who I am, exactly the way that I am, that it's not okay, that it's just absolutely not okay.
34:15
Marcy: And so it is doing the work around being okay, right, it is literally adopting a practice of self-compassion and self-love to overcome the shame.
34:30
Marcy: And you have to get rid of the lies.
34:32
Marcy: Like, let's just be honest about it.
34:34
Marcy: Right?
34:35
Marcy: Like we've been told for our whole lives, whatever your story is, for me it was oh, because you look different, you don't get to sit with us at the lunch table.
34:47
Marcy: Because you look different, we're not going to put your picture on the poster.
34:52
Marcy: Right?
34:53
Marcy: Like all of this messaging, right?
34:55
Marcy: Well, that's all.
34:56
Marcy: That's all just really inaccurate, right, that someone else's perception of who I am and what I'm worthy of, well, that doesn't matter.
35:07
Marcy: Yeah, that doesn't matter.
35:24
Marcy: Right, that's their lens.
35:25
Marcy: My lens is I'm okay okay, what's?
35:26
Marcy: wrong with you.
35:26
Marcy: Of course you're okay.
35:27
Marcy: Yeah, right, yeah, I've suffered a tremendous deal.
35:28
Marcy: Yeah, right, I deserve to be open to my own love.
35:30
Marcy: Right to my own compassion.
35:33
Marcy: Right, that's the truth.
35:36
Marcy: So it is working through all the thinking errors that no longer serve me and getting into reality about the truth of the matter.
35:46
Marcy: The truth of the matter is is that we all suffer as human beings and we all deserve our own love.
35:52
Marcy: Yeah, right, period, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
35:56
Marcy: And you don't have to explain that to anyone or justify that to anyone.
36:00
Marcy: That is the truth.
36:03
Cassandra: Right.
36:03
Cassandra: Right, I was reading something I don't know the other day and someone said their grandmother said to them to stop thinking about yourself and think about others.
36:19
Cassandra: And I believe we all are on assignment and I think when we're on that assignment, all of that other stuff kind of washes away.
36:34
Cassandra: I mean, you don't forget it, but your purpose, your reason you're here kind of helps get you up in the morning Like, okay, you know, I'm going to do this because I'm going to serve, I'm going to help people, I mean, cause that's kind of what it's all about.
36:49
Cassandra: You know, it's do unto others Like you would have somebody do unto you.
36:54
Cassandra: You know, it's kind of like I heard this saying that number one, we don't know how long we're going to live.
37:00
Cassandra: So let's say somebody is 20 years old and they're going to pass at 30.
37:04
Cassandra: So that means they're old.
37:06
Cassandra: Okay, they're getting old, right.
37:09
Cassandra: So then there's somebody that's 60, that's going to live to a hundred.
37:12
Cassandra: So they're being young.
37:13
Cassandra: You know that.
37:15
Cassandra: They say they're growing young.
37:16
Cassandra: So you kind of think about what you know.
37:20
Cassandra: Think about, and I think it just behooves us, based on because we don't know how long we're going to be here, to kind of focus on what it is, what our assignment is while we're here, because we're not going to be here forever.
37:31
Cassandra: Some may be, I don't know, I don't think.
37:33
Cassandra: I don't think I'll live to see that, but I always say that when it's time for me to go and transition, I want to go with everything overflowing.
37:44
Cassandra: I don't want my glass half empty, half full.
37:47
Cassandra: I don't want any of that.
37:48
Cassandra: I want to say I want God to say well done my good and faithful servant.
37:52
Cassandra: I mean, that'sindf o o d I where here a I .
37:53
Cassandra: So I'm just saying that to say, like you said, life is, it's always going to be interruptions.
38:00
Cassandra: I call it life's interruptions.
38:03
Cassandra: So what do we do in the meantime?
38:05
Cassandra: We figure out what it is, what our assignment is, what it is like, what you've been through, and I love them.
38:10
Cassandra: You said I wouldn't change anything Back in the day I would have changed a whole lot, but today I wouldn't change anything because I would not be the person that I am today, the person that's going to help, because a lot of people, not just you, have gone through trauma, different trauma.
38:24
Cassandra: Trauma is trauma.
38:26
Cassandra: So that's what.
38:28
Cassandra: That's why I helped ask that, because I know what you're saying will help somebody that's dealing with that now and that's what this podcast is all about to to self-reflect and personal development, improvement and all of that.
38:40
Cassandra: So that's why I asked that question.
38:43
Cassandra: I love it, yeah, um, and I love it when you say our story does not define us unless we let it 150% Exactly, absolutely.
38:56
Cassandra: Exactly, exactly.
38:58
Cassandra: So, marcy, I could.
38:59
Cassandra: I could actually talk to you all day.
39:02
Cassandra: Your story is just so inspiring to me because it lets us know the possibilities.
39:09
Cassandra: It's kind of like if she can do it, so can I.
39:11
Cassandra: You know that's right and, like you said, you got the help and I'm certain people supported you in the circle.
39:19
Cassandra: Talk about your support mechanism or your support system or your tribe and how they played a significant, integral role in your life.
39:33
Marcy: Yeah, for sure.
39:34
Marcy: So for sure, my wife.
39:42
Marcy: We've been together for 23 years now and uh, our daughter and uh, they were at the forefront, you know, they've seen the good, the bad and the ugly, uh for sure, and uh, but they've never left me and they've loved me through it and uh, you know, yeah, I mean it makes me emotional, uh, just really thinking about it um, their commitment to my wellness and my recovery and uh, yeah, I'm so grateful for them.
40:12
Marcy: My mother hands down, uh has been a huge, huge support for me, even though she didn't understand, you know, the implications of trauma and how that affects people.
40:25
Marcy: She's been so willing to learn.
40:28
Marcy: She goes to therapy now herself, and you know.
40:31
Marcy: And then I have a community of people in the recovery sphere and I have my spiritual friends.
40:38
Marcy: You know people that are on that spiritual path and doctors a naturopath in particular that has been life changing for me, dr Moriarty and a handful of energy practitioners that I've worked with and yeah, I mean it took with and yeah, I mean it took, it took a village for me, you know, literally therapists, and I mean it's been a long road, but the last three and a half years have been really me and so introspective.
41:13
Marcy: The work has been so much about me doing it and not looking at others to tell me how or where I should go next in the process, but really diving into my own heart, my own intuition, and discovering what I needed to know there.
41:33
Cassandra: Wow, Wow, that's good, that's good.
41:36
Cassandra: I love that.
41:37
Cassandra: I love that and I always say that.
41:39
Cassandra: You know, when people give you kudos for the work that you've done, I give you kudos from how far you've gone and how far you're blessed someone else.
41:51
Cassandra: To me, that's also a healing to know that what you've been through was not done in vain and that in itself is something to be grateful for.
42:05
Cassandra: You know, gold at the end of the rainbow right.
42:10
Marcy: Yes, yeah, a hundred percent, yeah, yeah.
42:13
Cassandra: So this is a good place for us to wrap up our podcast, our interview.
42:19
Cassandra: It has been phenomenal and you already said that individuals you're on and you're on TikTok.
42:25
Cassandra: I'm excited about that because I just got on TikTok.
42:28
Cassandra: You're on Instagram, right?
42:31
Cassandra: Are you on LinkedIn as well?
42:33
Marcy: I'm not on LinkedIn, I just TikTok Instagram, facebook and YouTube.
42:39
Marcy: Ok, do you have a website?
42:41
Marcy: I do, it's MarciLangloiscom.
42:47
Cassandra: OK, ok, well, marcy, thanks so much again and my listeners.
42:52
Cassandra: I know that you've heard something insightful that has really blessed you today and I ask that you share it.
42:59
Cassandra: I ask that you subscribe to this channel as well and again, as I always say, I say bye for now, thank you all.
43:09
Cassandra: God bless and thank you, Marcy.