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Emotional Meter: Circling Back · Unlocking The Paradigm Portal

• 0:01
  If you did the practice for Monday, for your emotional
• 0:05
  meter, hand on your chest, three times a day, just noticing, I
• 0:08
  want to ask you something. How many times did you forget?
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  Because I want to be honest with you, I forget too.
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  And I'm the one who taught you the practice.
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  And I still have whole afternoons where I look up at
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  4:00 PM and realize I haven't checked in once, not because I
• 0:25
  don't care, but because I got swept up in what I was doing and
• 0:28
  the meter went underground again and my body was managing things
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  without me for hours. And that's not failure, That's
• 0:35
  being human. Because this practice of
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  checking in with your emotional meter, it's never about
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  remembering every time. The practice is about what you
• 0:43
  do when you realize you forgot. And by the way, welcome back to
• 0:47
  unlocking the Paradigm portal. My name is Sarah.
• 0:50
  So here's the thing. Nobody tells you when they hand
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  you a somatic practice. You're going to get caught up
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  again. You're going to fall right back
• 0:58
  into the pattern you've been in your whole life.
• 1:01
  You're going to push through, perform, accumulate, override,
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  manage everyone else's feelings before yours, answer emails with
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  a shoulder that's climbed up to your ear, and make dinner with
• 1:13
  your jaw clenched so tight you don't even feel it anymore.
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  You're going to forget you even have a meter and it has nothing
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  to do with not trying because the pattern you're overriding is
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  20304050, sometimes 60 years deep.
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  And it has muscle memory, it has momentum.
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  It was the operating system you were running long before I
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  showed up talking about chest sensations.
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  And three times a day check insurance. 2 days of a new
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  practice does not undo all those years of old wiring.
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  Not for you, not for me, not for anyone.
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  And so the question was never going to be, will you stay in it
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  perfectly? The question is, when you notice
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  that you've left, will you come back?
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  So the real work isn't the practice, The real work is the
• 2:02
  circling back. It's the moment you're 3 hours
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  into your day and you suddenly remember, oh, I haven't checked
• 2:07
  in once. And it's the moment you're in
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  the middle of a hard conversation and you realize
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  you've been holding your breath for two full minutes.
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  And it's the moment you catch your own jaw clenched, your
• 2:18
  shoulders up by your ears, your stomach, and a knot.
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  And instead of powering through like you always have, you pause.
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  And the pause is the entire practice, not the scheduled
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  check in. The moment of catching yourself
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  and choosing to return because the pattern will always try to
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  pull you back. That's what old wiring does.
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  It doesn't ask your permission, It just runs.
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  The meter doesn't work because you installed it 2 days ago.
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  The meter works because every time you remember, you come back
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  to it. Every time, again and again,
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  without making a project out of how many times you forgot.
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  And here's where most people lose it.
• 2:59
  They forget it for an afternoon. They remember, and instead of
• 3:02
  just coming back, they spend the next 20 minutes beating
• 3:05
  themselves out for having forgotten.
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  I can't believe I didn't notice. Why am I so bad at this?
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  I'm never going to actually remember to do this or other
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  people probably have no trouble with this.
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  Comparative suffering drives me nuts.
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  So stop the shame spiral is the pattern.
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  It's the same old override dressed up as self-awareness and
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  it's not checking in with your meter, it's attacking yourself
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  for not checking in with your meter.
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  Those are not the same thing. The circle back is simple.
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  It's not a ceremony. You don't need to process why
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  you forgot. You don't need to make it mean
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  something about your character. You just put your hand on your
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  chest and you ask what's here and you listen for a sensation.
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  That's it. 10 seconds. Moving on.
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  The shame takes longer than the practice.
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  So drop the shame. Keep the practice.
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  So yesterday afternoon I realized I've been going hard
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  since like 5:00 in the morning and I was in the middle of
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  something and I looked up and I noticed my chest felt like
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  someone had parked a small car on it.
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  I hadn't checked in once all day and old me would have pushed
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  through until dinner, powered through the weight, and promised
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  myself a break later that never actually came, and instead I put
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  my hand on my chest. I breathed toward the weight.
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  I didn't try to fix it, I just acknowledged it was there.
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  And here's what happened. I didn't magically feel light,
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  and I didn't have some profound somatic breakthrough.
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  Something just softened just a little bit and the car got
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  smaller and I was able to decide from inside my body instead of
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  from inside the override, what I actually had the capacity to do
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  next. That's the whole payoff.
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  It's not dramatic and it's not cinematic.
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  It's just I got to make the next decision from my actual current
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  capacity instead of from a version of me that was
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  pretending to have more than I had.
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  So right now, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, put your
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  hand on your chest. Maybe you've been doing the
• 5:09
  practice. Maybe you've forgotten entirely
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  between Monday and right now. Maybe you did it once and told
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  yourself you'd get to it later, and all of that is fine.
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  You're here now. That's the circle back.
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  So what's here right now? Is it heavy?
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  Is it light, tight, loose, warm, cold, buzzing still?
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  Does it feel really quiet? Don't fix it.
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  Don't name it, don't explain it. Just notice.
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  That's your meter. You didn't lose it.
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  It was never gone. You just stopped listening for a
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  while and then you came back. And that coming back, that is
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  the practice forever. So I want you to stop measuring
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  this practice by how many times you remember.
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  This is not a competition. You don't earn a prize.
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  Measure it instead by how quickly you come back when you
• 6:00
  notice you've left. At first it might be days, it
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  might be hours. A whole afternoon might pass
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  before you realize you've been in Override.
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  But as you keep checking in, then it'll become an hour, then
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  30 minutes, then five, and eventually you'll catch yourself
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  mid clench, mid shallow breath, mid holding it all together.
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  And that's when you know the meter is fully back online.
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  Not because you never leave it, because the distance between
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  leaving and returning keeps getting shorter.
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  That's the whole work, closer and closer and closer to home,
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  until home is the default state and leaving it starts to feel
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  like the exception. So you're going to get caught up
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  again. You're going to go a whole day
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  this week or a few days this week without checking in once.
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  And that's not failure. The failure is letting that
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  become the reason you stop entirely.
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  You forget, you come back. That's it.
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  It's pretty simple, right? So hand on your chest, what's
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  here right now and just try to remember.
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  And if you forget, that's OK, come back to it.
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  And I will be back Friday with some more info on this.
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  So leave me a note, send me an e-mail like share, subscribe,
• 7:16
  all the things, come back for more and let's keep checking in.
• 7:20
  Have a wonderful Wednesday.