Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / The S*** That Comes with Divorce and How To Deal

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The S*** That Comes with Divorce and How To Deal · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Hey guys, it's Jana Kramer, one of your hosts of
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: I Do Part two, and we're back with part two
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: of our chat with some amazing content creators and their
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: journey through divorce. They've got such great advice, so let's
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: jump back in. Next up, we've got Sheila.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Hi, Jannah, how are you Hi?
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: I'm good. How are you doing?
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: Good?
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Good?
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I love your Instagram. I was watching your videos and
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: one where you're just like the perks of being divorced,
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: because I feel like a lot of I mean a
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: lot of the stuff that I've done was like crying
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: and like sad and then like and then you find healing,
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: but you're like, you made it so funny where you're
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: just like I don't have to clean up beard hair
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: and I you know, the trash is empty and I
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: don't and I was just like, yes, girl, like all
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: all of that, the enjoying that singleness of living in
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: your own space and not having to like, yeah, just
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: highlighting that and I love that.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: Thank you. It did not always start that way when
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: I sure, yeah, first had my separation, I had my
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: sad girl face, you know, eating chocolate, crying.
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: Watching the Barbie movie.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Actually that got me.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And so it started that way, and I had
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: a lot of self blame that I had to work
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: through that kept me from actually embracing the fact that
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: this is a new start and this is like a
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: time for me to rediscover myself. So I have definitely progressed.
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: We're all in that phase. But now I definitely hope
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: to be that light to women, to show that, hey,
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: there's happiness in this. You're gonna go through a lot
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: of dark a lot of hard times, but there's gonna
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: be a little happy moments and you should embrace those
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: as they come.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, did you do anything new to your house?
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Because I remember when I got divorced, I sold all
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: the ring and the diamonds and there wasn't many, but like,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: you know, like there was a few, and I got
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: all new furniture and I was just like, I wanted
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: to make the space how you know, it would be
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: best fit for me and the kiddos, And it was
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: the best revamping that the whole energy of the house.
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: Yes, so I actually ended up moving into a different place,
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: so I didn't stay in the house that we were
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: married in. But immediately I have girly ties. I don't
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: know what the word is for. That made my house
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: very feminine. There's lots of flowers, there's lots of pink,
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: and I just was like, I want to come home
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: and I want to feel like happy to be in
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: a space. I want to have a reading book, I
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: want this, And it was like any dream I had
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: in my head. I was like, I'm going to make
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: it happen. And it's funny because I have a son.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: I have a three year old son, so it's not just.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: A girl house.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: I like to say it's girl house, but there's a
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: boy room in the house. And he had to love
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: the pink room and everything. You know, he's young, so
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: he thinks it's lots of fun. But other than that,
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: I've just really embraced my style, learning about it, doing
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: fun things that you normally wouldn't do in a house
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: that would be like a marital home. So yeah, just
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: kind of exploring, trying things that I never would have
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: probably put in a house that I knew, you know,
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: having a grown man live in, I would never do that.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: So I experimented a lot and added a lot of
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: things that made it feel like I would be happy
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: to come home to or relax in and it was
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: kind of my safe space.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: So yeah, no, for sure, I love that. What is
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: something that you've learned about yourself through the is divorce
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: now or because you said separated at one point, so
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: is it? Are you still through the process or so?
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, our process has taken a while in September of
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: twenty twenty four, so we're going on over a year
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: of the separation process. So yeah, it should be ending.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: But through that process I did learn a lot. In
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: the beginning. One of the best things that I learned
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: was I was having a lot of self blame. I
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: was the one that initiated the divorce. We have a kid,
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: and so I put a lot of that shame onto
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: myself and I immediately got in therapy, which is the
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: best thing anyone can do going through the situation. And
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: what I learned there was to have empathy for myself
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: and that to ask myself what did I not know
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: or what skills did I not have coming into the
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: marriage that now I can have now that I can
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: learn and work on, which helped me empathize with myself.
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: And then once I broke through the being down blaming myself,
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: then I hit this phase where I was like, look
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: at all this time I have now that I was
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: investing in another person, in trying to save a marriage
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: that wasn't working. All this time that I have, you know,
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: I've already spent a lot of time with my kid.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: What can I do with this time? And I put
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: it back into myself and that was a big unlock.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: I started learning so much about myself, experiencing so many
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: different things, and I started a fitness journey and I started,
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: you know, just like doing things I never would have tried,
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: and I learned a lot about who I was. So
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: there's definitely a lot that you'll you'll have so many
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: phases after separation, but the best phase is when you're
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: willing to be a little more selfish and willing to
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: reinvest that time back into yourself because it's really going
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: to help you also protect your peace through that time.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: And it's rediscovering yourself too, and like, what what do
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: you want? You know, what do you want to be
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: doing right now? And you know, I love that And
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: that's one of my favorite pieces of my divorce too,
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: was going to therapy and having that healing journey and
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: truly figuring out, you know who I am and what
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I want and what I want for the future. And
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: have you started dating or do you have to wait
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: until after the separation.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: I did start dating. Yeah, and my ex is dating
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: as well.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, great.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, dating is like it feels like a rodeo when
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: you've been in a marriage for a while, you haven't
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: dated in a long time, and it feels like so
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: uncomfortable at first, because I know at the beginning, I
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: was putting so much pressure on it and I felt
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: like I couldn't mess up in the dating process. I
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: had to be so careful. I was so highly critical
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: and I approached it and I wasn't having any fun.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: It was like it was I was like, why am
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: I doing this to myself? And also I just had
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: to learn what is dating again? Because I've been playing wife,
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: I've been playing mom and like to shift into almost
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: feeling like a teenager again or young again and dating.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: It's a weird thing. But yeah, I have started dating again.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: I do have a boyfriend actually, eh outing last year,
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: and you know, there's a lot of duds out there.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: There's a lot of people that you're not gonna mesh with,
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: but yeah, there is potential to find someone out there.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I always tell my divorce friends too, and
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: this is something that someone told me when I was
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: you know, dating, it's all gathering information. So it's like
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: the next the first person that you go ot with
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: most likely isn't going to be the one that you marry,
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: and then one after that it's probably not going to
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: be the one too. But each one you gather information
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: about what you like, whatch you don't like, and then
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: within it then you start molding like Okay, I don't
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: like that. Okay, we're done. That's I'm not going to
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: continue on with trying to put you in this puzzle
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: piece that you're not going to ever fit in. And
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: you know, I think there's so much that you learn
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: about yourself through that process too, like, oh yeah, I
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: don't know how I was attracted to that back in
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: the day, but I'm definitely not now and that's not
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: the type. Okay, we're going to move this way now.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: And it's just like every every date, every time you
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: meet someone, it's just the information and how do you feel.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: You know, at the end of the night, you know,
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: you just keep one on other date? Cool? If not,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: you'll know, you know, I was new second date, like
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: I'd maybe like I'll give you like one more date. Yeah,
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: and it's like new.
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: Love that did you ever struggle with? I had a
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: big click through my dating process that I felt like
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: I was being interviewed and I had to show, okay everything.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: So my therapist told me the best tip I ever
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: got and she goes, Janna and because it was this
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: guy that I was kind of hung up on that
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: I was dating, and she goes, would you please stop
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: putting yourself on trial? She's like, you are the judge.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: They are on trial. She's like, you are being like
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: am I Am I good enough? Am I this? It's
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: She's like no, She's like are they good enough? Do
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: they fit your pieces? Do they you know, fit the
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: box of this, that and the other. She's like, you
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: are the judge. You are putting them on trial. You're
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: not on trial. And I was like, okay, I love that.
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: Great when I locked that that like, I'm not the
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: one being interviewed in a way, I'm interviewing them. Do
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: I want my life? And hostly, if I do want
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: them in my life, they'll want that back. But you
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: can't control that.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: No, But I think that comes a lot to the
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: piece for me, Like I was always like I my
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: core wound was like I'm not good enough, so I
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: want them to choose me. And I had to flip
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: that script when I got divorced to go, no, I
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: choose myself and I'm going to choose them, like they
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: don't they get they get to you know, like love
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: me if I choose them? You know, yes?
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: And I think that ties back into the being more selfish.
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: You truly love yourself and you know what you bring
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: you're not. You come into these situations and you think,
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: what what can you add to my life? Because you're
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: not going to add chaos to the piece you've just created.
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: You're not going to.
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: Add something into your life that's going to destroy what
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: the bubble you've created for yourself. So the self love,
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: the selfishness, it unlocked a lot for me in dating,
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: and I could tell the quality of men that I
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: was dating and encountering was just continuing to increase as
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: I continued to love myself more.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I will say if you if because I
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: saw this, if you after divorces, if you're dating kind
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: of the same men, you still have to do the
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: work on yourself, because yes, there's something Anya that's wanting, uh,
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: that hasn't healed yet if you're going to if you're
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: still attracting that same type of person.
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: Yes, that is so funny that you say that the
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: people I dated prior to my marriage nothing like the
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: people that I have dated posts marriage. It's very interesting
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: the differences. Back in the day, I was dating a
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: lot of blue collar, very like manly men, you know,
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: the stereotypes. And now I have found you know, I
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: work my own stay at home, or I work a
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: remote job, I work in corporate, and I actually do
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: better with men who also work in corporate or work
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: jobs very similar who can talk to me about work.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: I love that type of banter. So it was very interesting.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: And also a lot of my old dating preferences relied
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: on unhealed wounds of things that I had encountered in
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: my childhood and therapy. Before marriage, I thought, you know,
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: therapy is for people who really need help. So not true,
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: So not true. Now I am such a huge therapy
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: advocate and it really does help in the dating process
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: to have someone to talk to.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent agree. Where can our listeners find you?
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: You're a sweetheart.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Yes TikToker Instagram, Facebook as well, Sheila M. Harrington, I
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: would love if you gave me a follow. It's a
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: girl party on my page, celebrate.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: I love it being single again, Barbie World, Let's do this. Okay,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: thanks girl, great chatting?
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: Yes, thank you?
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: All right by Henny. Next up, we've got Melinda Long.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: I'm here, Hey Melinda. I was watching your video and
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: it's it was so timely because I was making an
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: album of my daughter because she's about to turn ten,
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: and I was watching some old videos when I was
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: still married to max husband, and I'm watching these videos
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, how was I married to him? And
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: I'm like who who is he? And then I'm like
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: and then I'm watching her Instagram and I was like
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: I literally just had that same feeling of but like
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: we have two kids together and and like how And
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: I'm watching these videos and I'm like, wait that we
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: live together and that was my husband.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I'll be at a game and my ex will
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: walk in and I'm like, oh I know. I'm oh,
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: wait that was married to him, Like you genuinely have
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: this this this weird like fe I just never expected
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: to feel that way in the midst of everything, and
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: now I'm like, this is somebody I slept in bed
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: with every night and I told my deepest, darkest secrets
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: and there are strangers sitting over there, and I don't
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: even even feel much of anything, you.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Know, I know. And that's the craziest piece, because like
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: the same when I see him at a volleyball game
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: or whatever, when he comes over, I'm just like, I mean,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: there's this zero feeling and I'm like hot, how like
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: we have two kids and we were married for these
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: many years.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: And but I also look and I think to myself,
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: like I terrible to say, what was I thinking?
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, totally I'm not attracted to him.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like is everybody else in the room thinking the
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: same thing? I Am like, what were you do?
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: And it's just like still a little I said it,
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: this little ick factor. I'm sure he has the same feelings.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: For me, totally. I'm sure my laugh and my voice
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: and my like the heck out of him, you know.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: But I mean my husband now, yeah, he's like I
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: don't ever see guys together. I was like, no, same, Like,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know how.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: But I also am thankful for that because could you
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: imagine if you still had those feelings like when you
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: saw the person like that, you had this longing still
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: or this like I still wish I don't have, so
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: maybe I'm really thankful that that didn't happen to me.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: That's where I always go to when they say like,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: I'll always love you, and I'm like, but will you?
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: Because I mean, it's okay, we have we have love
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: for our kids, like I think. I think the only
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: thing is like I'm always thankful for that moment because
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: of the three blessings that I have from it, and
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: I know I gave it my own. I know it
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: was a space. So we'll be able to move past
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: that and thank goodness, I don't still have that longing.
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: Like, yeah, I always still gonna love me.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: So you were married for twenty years, right, okay, And
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: so I think my mom really struggled because she I
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: believe she was married to my dad a little over
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: fifteen years, and I remember that being the thing for
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: her that was I might have even been funny, gosh,
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: I can't remember now, but yeah, no, it was definitely long.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: Oh no, it was twenty plus. Yeah, where she was
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: just like I don't know anything different, you know, and
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: I don't don't even know who I am because I
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: dated him when I was so young, like in my
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: early twenties nineteen, you know, and so.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: You know that is your identity.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like she was just like even changing. She's like,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: I've been a Kramer longer than I was a Kaufman.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: Now you walked, I would say that was the hardest
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: part is accepting that that it's no longer my identity.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: I'm no longer a wife, We're no longer that picture
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: perfect happy family that we put out there, you know,
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: you put this image out there. And also you know,
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: for my kids where this it is a process. I
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: should share that along the way, I lost one hundred
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: and twenty pounds before I got file for divorce. So
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: I had this kind of giant life shift of my
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: appearance at the same time as my marriage falling apart,
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: which I thought it would have brought us together, but
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: it brought us apart.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Did you get fit to try to keep him? Is
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: that was that the no?
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: I got I got fit after COVID, I got fit
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: after losing my father. I got fit after realizing that
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: my health was really taking a toll and I need
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: to be here for a long time. But perhaps in
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: that journey, I also started to realize that maybe some
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: of the food and some of that was a mask
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: for other issues that were going on, and maybe gave
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: me a little more confidence to do what to finally
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: file for divorce. Actually I filed for divorce twice. I
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: went through the second time. I dropped it the first time.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: But that change was the thing I was most scared of.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: That was the hardest part. I really didn't have an identity.
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: Everything was wrapped up in my life, my family, and
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: my kids were getting older. I have two in college
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: and one in high school now. So that's been the
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: biggest struggle, and I think that a lot of sleep
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: lost in it, but also a lot of growth, a
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: lot of personal growth, and a lot of finding myself.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: I've really taken to fitness. I've always loved to cook.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: I still love to cook. I've been able to travel
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: a little bit more, and honestly, I've connected with my
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: kids in a whole different way that I did was
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: possible back in the middle of the divorce. They respect
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: me more. I think now, watching my own personal journey
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: and me doing what was right and what was right
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: for our family. But one hundred percent think that that
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: is the scariest part, and I think that helped me back.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: It's the reason that I dropped the first time of divorce.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: It's that fear.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Well, and because what age were you when you finally filed?
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: I'm forty nine now would it be fifty this year?
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: I guess I was forty six when I filed.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: Forty six, Yeah, and that's a that's a tough age
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: to go. Okay, you know, what is this? What does
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: this look like? But there's also gosh, I know so
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: many women that have had such beautiful Like my one
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: girlfriend's fifteen, just got married, you know what I mean,
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Like she's the happiest she's ever been. So it's like,
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: don't stay because you're afraid to not be with someone
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: for the next part of your life, because we have
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: so if you think about it, you have another at
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: least forty years, you know, that's a lot of life.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And there's and there's love out there. I mean
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: I've had love at the second time around. There is
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: love out there, and it's different, and you know, I
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: just don't think I realized that that was a possibility
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: that to feel a certain fulfillment and to have a
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: connection with somebody that's like that, it is possible and
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: it is real. I think I settled for what I
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: thought was real because in my twenties, I was supposed
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: to get married, and I was supposed to have kids,
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: and I was supposed to live a certain life.
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: And while I.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: Certainly did love my husband, it wasn't the connection that
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: I found later on, or that I realized exists. And
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: life gets in front of you.
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: But you're right.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: I'm forty nine, I'm going to be fifty this year.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of life left. And I certainly, in
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: no way, shape or form, wanted to get divorced, nor
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: did I picture myself ever here in a million years.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: But now that I'm here, I'm not disappointed with the
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: life that I'm living, and I'm realizing that there's so
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: much more to live. And yes, there is love, second
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: time around, third time around, whatever it might be for everybody.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: Have you found that love?
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: I have? I have?
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, look at you? Did you find that love? Where
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: did you find it?
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: Companionship through a friend who was going through the same
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: as myself. He's awesome, my personal trainer. So it's very cliche.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: Oh hey girl, but friendship, companionship, going through the same thing,
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: feeling at the same age.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: What do you think the craziest part of divorce that
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: no one talks about?
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: Literally how you can feel this tremendous immense hatred, bitterness,
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: all this and then two years later and you're looking like,
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: what was I so afraid of? Yes, why was this
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: so scary? What was I It's really the what was
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: I thinking? There's so much more to life, and there's
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: there's I'm not wearing a scarlet letter. I thought I
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: was wearing a scarlet letter and that's shame. That was
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: the biggest shot for me.
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: My therapist would always say, what's the worst thing, Like,
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: what is your biggest fear? If you get divorced? And
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: I'm like, well, and then I'm alone, and she goes
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: and then what, well, then you know no one loved me.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: And then she's like okay, and then what you know
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: and she's just like but then we go to the positive.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: It's like, your kids are good and you're okay, and
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: so it's the worst thing that can happen is really
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: not the kids is the other.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: Big piece, I think, especially for women, I don't want
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: to say not for men, but especially for women. As mothers,
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: we want to be the perfect mom and we want
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: to get this perfect family, and we want to give
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: them this marriage that they can look up to. And
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: I felt a real responsibility to make that work for
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: my kids. And I laugh now because my kids look
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: at me like, who were you fooling? We knew it
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: wasn't good and we couldn't wait for it to be over,
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: but in the moment, you really feel a responsibility, and
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: that was the biggest hurdle. I think that was really
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: the reason I struggled to go to the next level.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: So do you think your advice for someone getting divorced
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: now is just, I mean, give it some time, like
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: because you're not going to have that same anger in
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: a couple of years.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: You have to, yes, give it time, because everything is temporary.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: You have to know in your heart that you gave
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: it your all, that you tried everything, that you didn't
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: walk away in a fight, that you didn't walk away
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: for your own selfish reasons, that you really gave it all.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: And once you know you've done that, you have to
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: stick to your guns and know that you have to
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: do better for yourself or your family, for your children,
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: and ride it through because there's it's not going to
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: fix itself. If you've given it all, it's it's just
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: not going to fix itself.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Yep, agree with you one hundred percent on that. I
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: always said I walk away when I know that I
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: did everything that I could to try to stay, that
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: leaving is the only option I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: And then then then I got mad at myself that
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: I stayed that long. But at least I can say, Okay,
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I did, I did every step I could.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: I feel confident that I did everything I could. Now
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: I'm in the stage of a couple of years later
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: of forgiving myself for allowing myself to go through things
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: I shouldn't have been, letting my kids see things they
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: shouldn't have. So now I'm in that forgiveness stage. But
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: I'd rather have that knowing that I didn't walk away
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: without giving it my all.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Forgiving yourself is uh, it was harder than forgiving them,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: is what my journey was.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: I agree. I'm feeling that a bit now, you know,
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: coming up on this fiftieth year and in a new relationship,
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: I really have to work on that piece because if
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: you carry those pieces into your future relationships and into
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: your family and being the good role model, I really
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: have to work on that healing journey. So that's the
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: part that I'm finding comes a little bit later. But
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: I'm thankful for that journey because I'm.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Sort of Linda. How can we follow along in that journey?
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: Where can our listeners find you?
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: I know I don't stop talking.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: I apologize, but I love it.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: I'm on Instagram. My Instagram handle is gritten Glow Underscore
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: by mel I share my health, my fitness, my divorce journey,
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: and my completely chaotic life with my with my kids.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: So thank you love it so much. Well, thank you
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: for joining I do part two and we look forward
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: to watching your journey.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: Right, so nice to meet you.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Thank by Honey Seya. And last up we've got Ashley. Hi,
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: hey girl, Well you look beautiful for being pulled over
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: on the side of the road just leaving court with
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: your exta girl. We caught you in a time.
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, the worst time but the best time
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: also because you know, the life could not be better
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: on this side of things.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Okay, So I was watching her Instagram, which I love,
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: and but one of the things, the tip that you
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: were giving about the phone number, I had no idea
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: that was even it. Why would he want your number?
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: I was so confused. Can you just like tell the
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: listeners like a little and is this why you were
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: in court? I was just I'm so confused. I'm like, please,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: I need to understand this, Like, this is her phone number?
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: What? So I've had this phone number since I was
• 23:44
  Speaker 4: fifteen sixteen, like twenty years. It's a pre marital asset.
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: But when we got married, my dad released the number
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: two you know, for us to join accounts, right, and
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: so yeah, he paid for the phone number. He had
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: the phone number, but it's still my phone number that
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: I used with both of my businesses. It's the emergency
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: contact at my son's school, Arsun School. And he basically
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: told me in June that I needed to get my
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: own line. So I did that. I created my own account.
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: Apparently he is now claiming that that was fraudulent. So
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: T Mobile granted him the phone number back to his account,
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: even though I was paying my own bill for three months.
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: I was paying my own bill on my own T
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: Mobile account, and so he has had control over my
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: phone number since September hasn't turned it off. I'm still
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: able to use this phone number. But yeah, so ended
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: up having to take him to court because he won't
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: release the line to me even though it is premarital,
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: it's attached to my businesses, which he relinquished his rights to.
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: So we're just waiting, honestly, for the judge to come
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: down with her judgment whether or not I can keep
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: it or not.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: What was the sense from the judge? Were you feeling
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: hopeful or was she giving you.
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: I'm optimistic because she just kept looking at him like
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: are you because she kept asking him why do you
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: want the phone number? And he couldn't give a reason.
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: He's like, it's my property. That's the only reason why
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: he you know, he is claiming that this is his
• 25:11
  Speaker 4: phone number, it's my property. Honestly, he's probably just going
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: to turn it off the minute he gets it back,
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: so he doesn't really want it for a purpose. So
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: I'm hoping that she kind of takes that into consideration,
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: that this is livelihood versus just being vindictive and petty.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: So, I mean, can we say yay, you're not married
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: to him anymore?
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: Yo?
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: My lawyer today was like, I can't believe you were
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: married to him. She's like he is he is slimy,
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: he is like even during mediation when we went through
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: our divorce mediation, the initial offer that we put on
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: the table at ten thirty am is the offer that
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: he ended up accepting at six thirty pm. But he
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: pushed it out so that way we would have to
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: pay that whole time. I mean, we ended up we
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: were in mediation for yeah, over ten hours.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: Isn't that hard to like? You know, I felt that
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: same thing where it's like, why was my judgment or
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: how is my judgment? How was I so fooled there?
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: It's to allow this to happen and then stay in
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: it and be with someone like that.
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: And I wasn't even the one who filed for divorce.
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: He filed for divorce from me when I was actually
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: I was in California with our son, visiting family in
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: Santa Barbara for my step uh my stepmom's dad's birthday.
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: I came back, he had packed his stuff, moved out,
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: brought me out in front of the ring camera, so
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: he had it documented that he was leaving me, that
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: he had filed for divorce, that we were going to
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: be doing two two three custody and I should be
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: getting served any day now. Did he have a reason
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: we had Nope. We had no conversation. He never sat
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: me down. He just filed and left. And then about
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: six weeks later he wanted to reconcile, and I was like,
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: you know what, I've been asking for therapy for six years,
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: Let's try going to therapy if you're putting it on
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: the table. Now now that it's his idea, We're going
• 27:02
  Speaker 4: to go to therapy. And we did therapy for about
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: six weeks and I just had a gut feeling that
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: I can't do this for the rest of my life.
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: This is not going to work. And then a week
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: later I received our financial affidavit and found that he
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: was hiding money from me. Meanwhile, I'm working three jobs
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: trying to keep us afloat. He chose not to work
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: for years, and that money could have literally saved saved us,
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: saved me so much stress, and I it was like boom,
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: boom boom. I knew I was done at that point
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: because this was the final betrayal, This was the final
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: thing that the nail in the coffin essentially.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: Mm hmm. So how does how do you now walk
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: through everything that you know? Because you seem like a
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: very strong, put together woman. Are you letting the what
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: you know to be the truth statements come in your
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: head or are you like, where are you at in that?
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: I know the truth? I know my truth. I know
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: that I did everything in my power. I had been
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: asking for therapy for years. I had addressed, you know,
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: issues that I you know, I went to therapy by
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: myself because at one point, I really he had me
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: convinced that I was the problem. I went to therapy
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: by myself and he would never come to join, even
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: though my therapist was like, we would love to have
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: him bring his perspective to the table so that way
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: we were not like just saying that you're you know,
• 28:27
  Speaker 4: he's doing these things. And I never wanted it to
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: be like a he he he. It was. It's mutual, right,
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: A marriage is mutual. I know that I'm not a
• 28:34
  Speaker 4: perfect person. I know that he's not a perfect person.
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: But the fact that he would never meet me at
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: the table to get help, you know, that is the
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: truth that I hold on to, that I tried for years,
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: that I did everything in my power to try and
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: make this work, and then just to have him essentially
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: walk out two weeks before Christmas and with no no conversation,
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: no discussion, no nothing, and then just continuously being vindictive
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: at every turn. I mean, the phone number is just
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: like the tip of the iceberg of just you know,
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: the behavior that is being exhibited and you know, trying
• 29:11
  Speaker 4: to be a productive co parent. He wanted the divorce.
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: You know, you don't really hear about too many women
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: paying child support. I pay him child support.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: I pay sixty percent.
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: I pay sixty percent of our child's expenses, even though
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: we have fifty to fifty custody.
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 29:28
  Speaker 4: The fact that I'm giving, giving, giving, and he's consistently
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: still wanting to take, take, take, It's hurtful. And this
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: taking of my phone number, the only person that really
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: hurts is our son. Because if I lose the ability
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: to make money, like if people can't reach my business,
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: what does that do to our son? This is the
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: only phone number that he has memorized. What does that
• 29:52
  Speaker 4: do if he's in an emergency situation. He's not gonna
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: automatically remember a new number. You know, thankfully he has
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: his number memorized. But I think that that's the whole point, right,
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: He's like, I want to be the primary parent, I
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: want to be the primary contact. And it's like, but
• 30:05
  Speaker 4: you just started showing up now that we're divorced.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's that feeling of someone taking, Like I
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: get that. That's how I felt in my entire last marriage,
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: is just always wanting to take, take, take, And you know,
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: I think there's going to be a place I've and
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: I through therapy, I was able to let that anger
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: go in time.
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: Like.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: It still comes up a few times, but mostly I've
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: been able to keep that anger at bay, just because
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: you know, there's nothing I can do about it. I
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: can either stay angry or I can just go. This
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: is unfortunately the way of the courts at the moment,
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: and this is who he is and I can't change that.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to be like, hey, can you take
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: care of the kids since you only have them eight
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: days a month? You know, and do I do I
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: have to pay you this pop amount for you know?
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: But it's he'll never get my point. He doesn't see
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: it as taking. He sees it as well, it's just
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: the way the court.
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: You know, the way the cookie crumbles, and yeah, and
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: I hold no resentment, right, I'm like, you gave me
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: my son, you gave me like the person that I
• 31:08
  Speaker 4: love the most in my life. You know, I'm in
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: a new relationship that is that makes me extremely happy.
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: I see. I don't I never reminisce, and I don't
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: live in the past. I really, like I said, I
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: don't hold resentment. The only things that I hold are like,
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: what is the purpose of this? Why are we behaving
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: this way? Why are you treating me this way when
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: this is exactly what you wanted. You wanted this divorce,
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: you asked for it. All I did was follow through
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: with it. You know, he I think he has deep regret.
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: I think he thought that he was going to file
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: for divorce and that I was going to be like, no,
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: please don't leave me, like I needed that. But it's
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: like I was already primary parent, I was already the
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: breadwinner of the family. I was already doing my own thing.
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: I lost during the last three years of our marriage.
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: I lost one hundred and ten pounds, got plastic surgery,
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: really got my health back on track, and there was
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: really just there was no there was no tether, there
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: was no codependence, there was no, there was none of that.
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: And so you know, when I started posting, I hesitated
• 32:12
  Speaker 4: posting on social media about my divorce because I was like,
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: you know, it's really nobody's business. But then when this
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: whole phone number thing happened, I was like, but what
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: if other women don't know? What if they don't know
• 32:26
  Speaker 4: to ask or their phone number. What if they don't
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: know that they can put this in their parenting plan
• 32:30
  Speaker 4: that they can bring it to the table. What if
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: they don't know? I feel like, you know, we talk
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: about a village all the time when it comes to
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: our kids, but what about our village together of like
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: making sure that we all stay good? And that is
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: why I like started feeling more comfortable talking about here
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: are things that I wish I had done. Here are
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: things that I you know, I regret. Here is you
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: know what what could come next for you? But I
• 32:57
  Speaker 4: also want to free women from the thought. I had
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: a video that is getting a lot of attention right
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: now about how many women I saw on TikTok the
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: day after Christmas with nothing in their stalking, nothing under
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: the tree. And I'm like, so he places no value
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: on you, He doesn't He can't even take an hour
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: of time to find something that you would love, to
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: make sure that you felt important on a day in
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: which that you made everyone else feel important. Divorce him.
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: It's not going to change. He doesn't hold he doesn't
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: hold you in regard. He doesn't hold you, you know,
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: in anything. And the amount of men in the comments
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: of that video stating well he paid for Christmas, he's
• 33:39
  Speaker 4: the one who works.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: I can say that's actually not true because in my
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: last marriage, my stocking was never full and I had
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: I paid for Christmas, and I'll say my husband, now
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: my stocking overfills, and I'm like, it's the cutest thing ever.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh no, it's fine. It's like, no,
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: he makes it like Santa put the things in the stock,
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: you know. So I've never been spoiled like that ever,
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: you know So it's I hear you.
• 34:04
  Speaker 4: I'm eighty percent of us household women work, women contribute
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: to the household in addition to the unpaid labor of
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: being a mother.
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, Well, I'm excited to see where this whole phone
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: number thing goes. I want. I've got a good feeling.
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: Are you going to update us on your social media?
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: Yes? I will I definitely will keep you guys posto.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, what's your what's your Instagram again for our listeners
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: to follow along.
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: It's at bostdence boss F I, D E n C.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, great, Ashley, You're drive safe because I know you're
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: driving right now, so dodrive safe.
• 34:39
  Speaker 4: Thank you.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: I'm excited for you. I'm excited for your part two.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: And it sounds like this was the destiny to have
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: this part two because you got a beautiful child out
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: of it, and that's usually what the only redeeming factor
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: of being with these people are.
• 34:58
  Speaker 4: Okay, one hundred percent, thank you so much for having me.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Thanks girl, have a good one. Well, thank you ladies
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: for coming on and sharing all that great advice. Do
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: you have breakup or divorce tips you want to share
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: and need some more advice from our crew, We'll call
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: or email us. All the info is in the show notes.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: Follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: the podcast. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: falling in love is the main objective.