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Fanilow to Ambassilow with Michael Urie · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: How are you?
• 0:03
  Speaker 3: I mean, I'm not I'm weak. I'm very weak. I
• 0:06
  Speaker 3: was in a viza for like seventy two hours maybe more.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: It was ridiculous. And then I came to New York.
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: So my stomach is still not right. Oh no, something's off.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Were you okay to go to the US Open or
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: did you have to?
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: I was okay to go to the US Open. I
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: had a ride home from a visa that I missed.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: Then I had a flight that I also missed, and
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: then I spent the extra night getting sleep. So that
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: was that was good. It was It was a rough
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: It was a rough trip. It was a rough trip
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: all the way around. I just really banged myself up.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: So I'm just recovering in time for me to be
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: in New York. We went to the US Open yesterday
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: with my one of my favorite people, Hannah Burner, and
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: then we and then I'm headed to mont Talk tonight
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: and then I've shows in West Hampton tomorrow night and
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: Thursday night airs say No, and Friday night twenty first
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: or twenty seconds. So yes, So, but a bunch of
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: my friends are flying in, so we're all driving down
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: to the Hampton's tonight together. Apparently I'm meeting them at
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: an airport. So I was like, guys, this is not
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: a good meeting spot, not for me anyway. I just
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: loaded everything into my car, my driver's car, thinking he
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: and I were driving to the Hampton's. He's like, no,
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: I'm dropping you off at the airport. I'm like, what, anyway,
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: we'll get that sorted.
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: We have one of your attendees for your West Hampton
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: show calling in today.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: Actually, oh really, Oh perfect. They can call in about
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: the show as for a preview. That's what they're gonna want.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she wants you to do a tight five.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: I love when you do interviews. When I do interviews
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: and people when I'm promoting shows, and they're like, what
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: can we expect, It's like fucking comedy and left a
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: weird question. It is such an annoying question, and so
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: I have to talk about how annoying and so hopefully
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: all these interviewers will hear it at some point and
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: stop asking comedians what to expect. It's like, what to
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: expect comedy? Do you want me to pitch my jokes
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: like I'm doing then? I'm doing material.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Right, right?
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: You get a little drunk and listen to comedy.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah or yeah, just a little drunk, just just the
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: still at all. We have a very very funny guest
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: on today who I'm excited about. He's stars in Apple's
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: TV hit show Shrinking and is nominated for an Emmy
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: for Best Actor in a Supporting Role. And he's also
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: just made his debut in Oh Mary on Broadway, and
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: you can find him this fall in Shakespeare's Richard the Second.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: Please welcome Michael Ury. Michael Uriy, A giant ray of
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: sunshine is here today. Hi, Michael Ury, how are you?
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: I'm so good. It's great to see y'all.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: Hello, it's great to see you too. Your hair's wet.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: Did you just get out of the shower?
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: I did. I wanted to be clean for this because
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: thank you, because I'm a clean little boy. Thank you
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: to the gym. And then and then I went and showered,
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: so cleanness.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: Okay, let me tell you what I did this morning.
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: I took a shower before I went to the gym.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: I took a shower because I was like, fuck, when
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: am I gonna I have a busy day? I'm like,
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: when am I gonna have time to shower. Usually I
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: would take one after my workout, but I was like, well, fuck,
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: I'm just gonna take one before as a prophylectic.
• 2:55
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: And then and then I went. So I go to
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: my trainer's house and I go in his bathroom and
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: I change and my hair was like damp and gross
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: from sweating. But I had to put on a regular outfit.
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: So I feel like a dirty little whore right now.
• 3:10
  Speaker 4: I like what she's saying.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: So it's fine, thank you, thank you, Catherine.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: It's a musk. It's a musk.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: But yeah, I've never really had bo so at least
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: that's what I like to tell people. So it's not
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: really an issue. Why is Michael frozen on our shirt?
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: It just tixted Brad. There, you're back. There, your back.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: All I can see is you and corkboard. And I
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: like this setup because it's there's no distractions. We can
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: completely focus on you. Yeah, if you freeze again, we'll
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: let you know. Yeah, maybe close everything else, just to
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: make sure close your only fans and yeah, whatever else
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: you're on, I'm on only fans and I know that
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: you're on my account, so please close it. This is inappropriate.
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: Michael First, of all, the most recent set of congratulations
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: need to be conveyed to you on your most recent
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Emmy nomination for your role in Shrinking.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: Thank you most reason and only. That's it's all very
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: new to me. This whole thing is like an amazing
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: world of Amys. Is so new and exciting and crazy,
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: and I still don't really believe it.
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: I know, it's pretty exciting. How did you get the news?
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: Were you waiting? Did you did you know that you
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: were you knew you were in contention to get nominated
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: from an Emmy.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I guess, you know. People were like,
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: you should wake up, you should, you should be paying attention,
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: you should you should try to you know, try to
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: be up for it. We had a night shoot the
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: night before, actually we were shooting Shrinking at the time,
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: and we had a night shoot that went till three
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: four in the morning. So I was dead asleep and
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: my phone started buzzing. But I was kind of aware
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: because you know, they were like, I was on a
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: list or two, and people were definitely trying to you know,
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: get you know, get me, not gonna get you know me.
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: You know, it's always fascinating the people who don't try
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: to get nominated, but get nominated. I'm like, how much
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: effort has to go into trying to get nominated. So
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: tell us about the text you got from Harrison Ford
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: texted you right.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Oh my, my gosh, so well, I texted him first,
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: but he wrote back right away and yeah, I just
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: texted him, dude, And he wrote back the same thing, dude.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: And then he said he was like, yeah, and and
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: big Head because we called Jason Siegel big head or
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: it's a part of the show. Yeah, he's called big Head.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: But I love that Harrison kept that nickname. Yeah, it's
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: just so cool that he got nominated. I got nominated,
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: Jessica and Jason and the show and casting, Yeah, sound
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: like it just feels like like the show spoke to people.
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: Then definitely, it was.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: A really nice So then that that day, so I
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: woke up, you know, to my phone buzzing. And then
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: that night we had our last night of shooting. Actually
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: it was our rap day and and so we all
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: got to be together and and sort of celebrate together.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: That's so nice. That's such a nice show to watch.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: It feels like you guys have such a nice vibe
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: between everyone, your character is great. I mean, it's a
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: perfect for It's just so like I know, Bill Lawrence
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: does this with his shows. He makes them very inviting,
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: you know, like these places, these kind of it's always
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: set in some backdrop that is very appealing that you
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: want to keep coming back to. And the neighbors are like,
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: you know, walking over to each other's houses. I don't
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: want to give any of my neighbors any ideas that
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: I would be interested in that. So well, that's that's
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: all we'll say on that front. But this is just
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: your most recent success because you have a huge, huge,
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: long history. You've done so many shows from Ungley Betty
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: to Younger to Broadway. You're in O'mary now, which everyone
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: can go see on Broadway, which is fucking exciting. So
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: congrats on all of that too. And I know that
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: you before we get into any of that stuff, I
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: know that you have a You've had a very long
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: romantic relationship with Barry Manilow.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: Yes, thank you for asking. Yes, I'm a fan. I'm
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: a fanolo more than a fanolo. I am an m bassilo.
• 6:58
  Speaker 5: Wow.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: I bring people to him. I introduced Make Make Virgins Fanelos.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: I guess it was my I went back home after
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: my first year in New York, my first year of
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: drama school, and I was back in I'm from Texas
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: and I was back in Plano, Texas, driving around the suburbs,
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: and I was very melancholy because I felt like I
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: belonged in New York, you know, as soon as I
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: got to New York, I was like, this is where
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: I belong and and going back to Texas was really weird.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: That first summer, and there was a new light FM
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: station in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex and they were
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: playing a lot of Berry Menilo and I'd never really
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, i'd heard him, but it was really speaking
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: to me this summer.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: But was there any correlation between you coming out and
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: then appreciating Barry Manilo or was were you already out?
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: I was, you know, like ish at that time.
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: I was like, I was like, I think those two
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: dotsa connected, though.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm sure that's why he spoke to me,
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: So I'm sure that I was like, even though he's
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: singing about Mandy and Melissa and all these women, I'm
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: sure that I just like he meets Michael, He's actually
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: meet Michael here. But but I went into I was
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: so into him, and I went into you remember like
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: used CD store. Yeah, back in the late nineties. I
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: went into a used CD store in the suburbs and
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: I was like, I was a little liking. I was like,
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: I don't think it's I don't think it's cool to
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: like Barry Menlo. I don't know if I don't know
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: if I'm going to be I'm gonna be under the
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: radar here and I'm gonna pretend like I'm shopping for
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: my aunt or something. And so I went up to
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: the counter and I was like, you guys don't have
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: any I'd be like Barry Manilow CDs?
• 8:30
  Speaker 5: Do you?
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: And the woman looked at me and said, every record
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: store in the world has Barry manilo it to it
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: over there, And I went and bought the greatest hits
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: and just like lived my life in the car driving
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: around singing Barry Manilow. And then as soon as I
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: got on TV, as soon as I was on Ugly
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: Betty and I had even like the slightest bit of notoriety,
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: I made it my mission to meet him and find him.
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: And what else is fame for other than to meet
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: your Euros like, I mean, right, that's exactly what I
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: use it. Or two restaurants and heroes and had doctor appointments.
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: Let's be honest, Okay, I want to skip the line.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: So is that a thing?
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: Yes, every doctor like, yeah, I mean doctors want celebrity clients,
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: so that works out nicely.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: I never even thought of that. I use doc doc.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: Then you go to a doctor, and you go to
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: a doctor like, they won't leave you in the waiting room.
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: They get you right away. You don't have to wait
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: because they don't want you to have to. You know.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: It's just it's a nice perk that is probably underrated.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: But I see doctors all the time because I just
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: want everything to be taken care of at all times,
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean. But anyway, I diverge back
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: to Barry Maneloe. I'm so sorry.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: Continue I will always get us back. Means so much
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: to me. So I finally like, so I I met him,
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: I got I went to see him in Vegas and
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: I got to hang out backstage.
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: So when you met him, did you like a were
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: you able to contain your excitement or was it a
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: bit of a hot mess?
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: It was I played it cool to say I did
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: play it pretty cool. I was with some friends who were,
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: you know, like not as big a fan as I am.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: Nobody is, and we've just seen the show in Vegas,
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: and they brought us backstage and it was everyone was
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: really nice, and it was like someone in the band's
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: birthday and they were singing Happy Birthday. And he has
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: a vineyard, so we were drinking a man of low
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: wine and he couldn't have been cooler. He was so
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: chill and so nice, and he didn't really know who
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: I was then, but I've been about, you know, like
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: twenty times since then, so now he does. And now
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: he's even like come to see me in some shows
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: and we'll occasionally like text. And he's very nice, very
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: cool man, and loves to perform. I think I think
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: he's like in some ways. I mean, I love his
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: music and I love watching him perform, but I also
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: am really inspired by him as a performer. He's eighty
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: two eighty three now and he's still like doing like
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: two hundred shows a year or something.
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: It's so crazy with these guys that are like seventy,
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: like seventy five eighty, like Bruce Springsteen's seventy five, Paul mccarton,
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: he's something like seventy nine. I think all of these guys,
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: and like I saw Paul McCartney at Glastonbury. He fucking
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: looks like like he's in his like late sixties. He's
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: bopping around going from concert to concert, show to show,
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: like Bruce Springsteen puts on a three hour show, Mick Jagger,
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: all these old guys. There must be stuff that you
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: can take that just keeps you young. I mean, I
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: know there is, because I'm fucking taking it. But like
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: just in the nick of time to have this like
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: this whole there's a whole, like you know, group of
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: older men who are just crushing it now. Stings still
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: performs all the time.
• 11:35
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Harrison Ford, Yeah, Harrison Ford. And Harrison Ford's body is
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: still banging. He's running in movies.
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: No, it wouldn't you shut off in like one of
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: the first seasons of shrinking and you're like, excuse me,
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: who put that body back together? Because that's not natural?
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: Who has a he's like ripped. That's exciting. And he
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: came to see you do a show, right, Barry Maniloe.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: Barry came to see this for well, he came to
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: see this show. The first time he came to see
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: me to show. I was doing this play off off
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: Broadway that was about Barbara Streisand and it was a
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: really brilliant play, one man play. I didn't write it,
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: but this guy, Jonathan Tolans wrote it. Really brilliant play
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: that imagined you know that she has a basement mall
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: at her house, like she has a shopping.
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: Mall, shopping mall.
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: H so she can't go to a normal mall because
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: she's Barbara straysand so.
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: So does she. There are shops there, retail shops, not
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: like not like the Gap or you know Lade Bryant,
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: not that.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: No, Like it's like an antique store and a gift shoppie.
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: And who is picking out the items to sell in
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: the shop.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: It's her collectibles. It's like dresses that she wore in movies. Yeah, okay,
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: doll She's collected all these dolls. There's a doll shop,
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: and there's like a yogurt shop, like an actual yogurt shop,
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: and so it's just like it looks like like a
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: European arcade and it's all in the basement of one
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: of the homes on her property, and she did a book,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: you know, like back in twenty ten or eleven, a
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: coffee table book of this house, this huge, amazing house
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: and all the different homes on the compound and this
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: mall is chronicled. And this wonderful writer, John Tolans, was
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: looking at the book with friends and he was like,
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: how'd you like to be the guy who works down there?
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: And everyone laughed and it sparked this idea, so he
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: wrote a whole play imagining that a guy gets hired
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: to work there. And this play is called Buyer and
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Seller seller like a basement seller, and it imagines this
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: guy gets hired to run the shops and he has
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: one customer and she comes down and pretends to shop,
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: and then it goes on and it's like not just
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: it's like and it's all imagined from his mind, and
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: people would come who know her, and they would flock
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: to it. I mean people who know her kind of
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: flocked to it. And they were always like, how did
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: he know? How did he know that she was like us?
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: Because he just had this incredible insight. So that's that's
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: the first time Barry Maneloe came to see me in
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: a play about it was and it was a play
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: about Barbara Striisand and it was so funny because we
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: had just started doing it. I wasn't even I didn't
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: like it. But it was a long monologue, like a
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: hundred minute monologue, and I was like, barely knew it.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: I was still so nervous. And one day the house
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: manager I came in and the house managers like, you'll
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: never believe who bought tickets today. And I was like who.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: He was like, I'll give you a hint. It's like
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: the male Barbara Streisand and I was like, are you
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: fucking kidding me? Berry Manela bought tickets at the STO
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: And I knew immediately who we went, and I said,
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: you will not tell me when he's coming. And then
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: I just pretended like he was there every night until
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: he finally showed up. And I was so good imagining
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: him in the audience. So now that's kind of a
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: thing I do. I just sort of pretend like he's there.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: Okay, Well, first of all, I don't think Barrett Manilon
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: bought tickets. I think he called and said he wanted tickets,
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: So that that's the first inconsistency with your story. The
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: second question the second thing, because first of all, if
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: you bought ticke Us, nobody would know about it unless
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: he announced he was coming. Second of all, Michael, I
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: wonder do you think Barry was inspired by the show
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: enough to build his own underground mall, because that seems
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: like something you would do only when things got completely
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: out of control money wise, where you have so much
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: fucking money. You're like, I have a plane, I have
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: six homes. I don't really know what else to do.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: I guess I don't want to go shopping again, but
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: that usually just involves a person coming to your house
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: and bringing you stuff.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: But I like it she cloned her dogs too, you know.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: I mean I would like to clone people before. I
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: would like to clone the dogs, because each dog brings
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: something different to the table. But some people who are
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: a pluses, I really just want to see them over
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: and over again, reappeared in different lifetimes, like.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: Young again, like a young you know, like a young
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: Barry Metelo.
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: Again for example, perfect example, exactly. That's your that would
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: be your choice, my choice. I don't know. I'd have
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: to really think about that and narrow things down. Would
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: you clone, I would God, who would I clone? Well,
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know. I have to put
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: thought into that because that's a serious question that I
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: just posited myself or posed myself. Maybe we'll circle back.
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: By the end of the ye.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: Something will dawn on me. Something will dawn on me.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: But they but like dogs like it also doesn't make
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: sense because they don't have the same experiences as the
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: as the dog before them. So even when you think
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: you're cloning them, they're going to have be a slightly
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: It's like twins. They have the same DNA and genetic composition,
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: but they don't end up exactly the same because of
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: their life experiences. So it's kind of a feudal thing
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: to do. But if you really liked the way somebody
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: looked and the way that they walked and like those things, yeah,
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: I would go for it. That sounds sexual and I
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: and it is. It should be so Michael, with all
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: these things that you do, like what I mean, you,
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: first of all, congrats on all of your success, because
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: it feels really good to be successful. And I could
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: tell that you are feeling it and you're having a
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: moment and you deserve it because you're obviously a really
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: hard worker. I don't know how anyone does anything on Broadway.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: I have no idea how you guys do that schedule
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: you have to do You have to just give up
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: everything kind of.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's kind of a even though this play
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: is only like eighty minutes long, Oh Mary, that we're
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: doing right now, Oh Mary's only like eighty minutes long,
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: but you do kind of have to plan your whole
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: day around the idea that I got that thing later. Yeah,
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: that's gonna be a lot of really contentation.
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: And sometimes twice a day, yeah.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: Sometimes twice day. And actually, on this show it's really fun.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: We do it at five on Saturday. We do it
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: at five pm, and then we do it immediately again
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: at eight thirty, which is so cool. Actually like to
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: do it back to back, right, because sometimes you do
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: it at too and then you don't do it again
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: until eight and you're like, all right, what am I
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: gonna do now? I got all this energy and all
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: these right right and doorphins running through my so something
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: like try to sleep and eat or whatever. But it
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: is a crazy and I mean, I love it so much.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: I love being in theater so much. Because it's so
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: exciting to tell a whole story to a group of
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: people in the same and be in the same place
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: at the same time, because you did you know, you
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: make a movie or a TV show and it's really
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: fun and it reaches way more people, obviously, but you're
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: such a cog in the wheel and you're not really
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: part of of the You're like a part of the storytelling.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: You're not part of the whole story. And when you
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: start a play at seven point thirty at night for
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: this group of nine hundred people and you finish it together,
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: it's so special and you share something with them, and
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: it's really thrilling because I always get kind of emotional
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: about it when I'm harsing a play. And then there
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: comes the point where you think, Okay, we've been doing
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: this in this room for each other, for the creative team,
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: over and over again. Maybe the designers come in, maybe
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: we do it. But then at some point new people
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: are going to come in, and then it's just going
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: to be new people every night, every time, and they're
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: gonna have no idea what we're gonna do for them,
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: even if they know the story or they know the play.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: It's it's still new. It's a new version, and it
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: gets it's really thrilling to imagine, Oh my gosh, these
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: people have no idea what We've been in a room
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: incubating for three four weeks. They have no idea what's coming.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: And this play, especially because it's Oh Mary, it's about
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: Mary Todd Lincoln. People know that coming in that it's
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: a comedy about Mary Todd Lincoln. And the premise is
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: that she's kind of a belligerent drunk who wants to
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: be a cabaret star, and that's kind of all you
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: really get. And then the story kind of just like
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: you know, Out of the Gate is hysterical and crazy,
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: and there are a lot of twists and turns, and
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: my character, especially Mary's teacher, like you, nobody really knows
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: what I'm coming in with. And it's very cool. It's
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: a very thrilling thing to do every night.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: It's nice. I can see how much you enjoy your work,
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: and I really like, I respect that a lot, because
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: in order to really be successful in this business, you
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: have to be doing it for the like the actual
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: enjoyment of the act of doing it. I remember in
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: my early career, I love doing my shows, but like
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: I would burn out so much that like when I
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: would be on stage doing stand up, I just I
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: liked getting off stage more than I liked being on stage.
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: Like I liked the idea of completion rather than the
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: act of And that's what I feel like I lost
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: my Like then I had to recalibrate and come back
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: and actually be so present and really have something to
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: say and enjoy my time on stage, not going when
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: is is going to be over obviously, because that's like
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: working at a desk job, you know what I mean.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: If you're going to be in this business and you're
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: a performer, one of the things you have to do
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: is love to perform. You can't just like love all
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: the other things that come with the recognition.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: Did that come around for you? Did you come around? Yes?
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: Yes, I took a long break. I took a like
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: six years off of stand up after I quit Chelsea Lately.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: I didn't do stand up for six years, and that
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: was a long break, probably too long. But when I
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: did come back, I actually it took a lot of
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: nerve and a lot of courage because I hadn't used
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: that muscle in so long. But I was I had
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: recalibrated in such a profound way. I'd gone to therapy.
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: I did all this work on myself, like I had
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: stuff to deal with, and so when I came back
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: now it's like, I'm so solid when I go out there.
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: I'm so present when I go out there, I'm never
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: even looking at the time, you know what I mean, Like,
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: I'm never like like now I go over twenty minutes
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, oh shit, I got to wrap it up,
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: you know. So it's just a much much healthier way
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: for me as a performer. But that was also burnout.
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: You know, when you do too many things at once,
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: it's it's hard. And when you get successful, you want
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: to do all of the things that you are to
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: get coming your way. It's hard to say no to anything, right.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: Totally, Like, yeah, can I ask you? I know you're
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: interviewing me, but.
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: Next you know, this is actually an interview. This is
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: actually my interview. You're interviewing me, so go ahead.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Well, because you hosted the Critics Choice Awards this year, Well,
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: I know you do it every year, but this year
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: I was there and lucky enough to receive one, and
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: it was right after Trump was reinaugurated. Yes, and you
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: went there with some stuff and it was like it
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: was such a dicey time, you know, like everyone was
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: a phrase yes and and and everyone was like, what's
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: she going to say? Right? And you killed?
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: Oh thank you?
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: I thought I thought you killed and right out of
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: the gate made like great, great topical. But so my
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: question is because I've hosted stuff. I hosted some stuff too,
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: and I really like to host, and I always think
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: it's not at all like to me. I mean, I've
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: never done stand up, but I feel like it's you're
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: so you have you have like parameters, and you have
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: a script and writers probably or I've always had writers
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: that I've worked with. But how do you approach it
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: differently than stand up when you're hosting something, especially when
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: like there's such a when the when, when the news
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: cycle is so crazy and you want to be topical
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: on something like you know, live.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: Television, Because I think it's like literally taking the air
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: out of you know what I mean, Like you have
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: to poke the like you have to like take the
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: air out of the balloon, Like there's so much tension
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: everyone is. It's the same way I approach stand up
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: quite frankly, even though it's a totally different room and
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: a totally different set of like, you know, it's a
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: totally different context because you're dealing with actors and actresses,
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: and people are there to win awards, so they're nervous
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: and and they're competing with each other. There's all of
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: those elements, you know what I mean, So you just
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: kind of want to be the person that sets the
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: tone of the night. That's how I always think of it,
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: Like I'm going to go out there and make them
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: understand that this is going to be fun, this isn't
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: going to be too serious, and I'm going to say
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: to things so that nobody else has to, like, you know,
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: I'll get it right out there, like it was the Blake.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: It was right off the back of Blake Lively and
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: Ryan Reynolds things, So like I did not wait to
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: say that line because it was so it was at
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: the height. I mean, I don't know, I think it
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: even went higher after that, because there was such a
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: crescendo with all of that drama. But I had to
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: say something about that because that, with the backdrop of
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: what we were experiencing politically, just felt so inane, right,
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: You're just like, wait, there's accusations of sexual misconduct, but
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: that's very blurry, and everything she seemed to be saying
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: he was refuting. And I'm like, wait, guys, we have
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: a mouch crisis that we're dealing with. Can you seriously
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: get your shit together so we could fucking focus on
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: the and the loss of democracy? You know, that was
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: before we were losing democracy. So yes, I appreciate the
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: question because it is a different skill set a little bit.
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: But the bottom line is like when you are hosting
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: one of those things, you are the leader and the conductor.
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: You have to set the tone and then everyone will follow.
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: You know, nobody else wants to be in charge of that. No,
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: it's you know, I used to be like, I'll never
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: host an award show, and I'm I'm doing it again
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: this year. I've do this will be like four years
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: in a row. But it's the perfect award show for
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: me because it isn't the Oscars where it's really serious
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: and if somebody loses, you know, they leave. The critics'
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: choice is more of a party, you know, it feels
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: that way anyway to me. Same with golden Clobes. That
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: seems like more of a party. But this is the
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: question I wanted to get back to you about.
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, we can talk about me again.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: I guess yes. I just wanted to add one of
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: your jobs prior to booking Ugly Betty was medical marijuana testing.
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: I tried to get that job, like so many times.
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: I'm not joking, like whenever there's this you know what
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: maps are like that company it's a non company, no maps,
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: like you know, the psychedelic kind of organization. I'm going
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: on it. I'm going on a boat with them to Antarctica.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: So I mean, who knows if I ever come back,
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: But I'm going on this trip to Antarctica with like
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: one hundred people. And they're all like, you know, it's
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: all about psychedelics and the healing effect. But I've tried
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: so hard to be the person that tests drugs medical marijuana.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: Maybe ten fifteen years ago I was interested in testing that.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: And I'm always like, bring me the drugs. I'll do
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: them because I'm like a horse, like I can take
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: a lot of drugs and still be standing. So how
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: did you get that job? And why? Why? Why did
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: I get it?
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: It was in the village voice. It was like.
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: That's why I didn't get in. Fuck, it's always the
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: village voice.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was like and it was always it was
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: a joke. We would always joke about it, like, you
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: know they they have these ads in the village voice,
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: are they real or the And I just answered one.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: And actually my good friend, my dearest friend, and I
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: we were roommates, and we both answered it. And he
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: had this kind of like brain thing. It was, it's
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: not that serious, but at the time he was like
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: having some seizures and stuff and and and so he
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: did not get accepted, and he was so pissed because
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: he had this one little tiny anomaly. And I did
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: get accepted, and I would go in It was wild.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: It was a wild thing. I would go into a
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: hospital and I would sit in a hospital room and
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: it was a double blind test, so the person administering
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: it to me did not know what they were giving me.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: And it was always a different level of strength. So
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: so like one time I got just high as fuck
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: and I was I was so stoned and I was
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: like loopy, like like rolling around in the hospital playing with.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: The with even better to be in a hospital and
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: another one of my favorite things as a hospital. I
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: love hospitals. You love take it care of. I love
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: when people are tending to me in a medical way.
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: I love when I can pretend that I'm in pain
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: and then they bring me something. I love that whole setup.
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: It's safe because anything's nothing that was so sick. What
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: could possibly go wrong in a hospital If you're stoned
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: and high, it's like they're gonna come out to you.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, And and she stayed with me. This she was
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: very cool, this lady, young lady stayed with me, and
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: she you know, made sure and she was sort of
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: and I remember when I would get really high. The
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: days I would get really high, I'd be like, she's
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: I think she's I think it's double blind, but maybe
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: it's not. I mean that's just what they're saying. And she,
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: you know, I get paranoid. And then I would take
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: these tests. So they would put me in front of
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: a computer and I would take these like cognitive tests
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: that were like they would like a shape of pop up,
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: it's a triangle or whatever and fill in the blank.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: And sometimes I was really good at it, and sometimes
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: I wasn't. And then there were days when it was
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: like a placebo. So they'd give me a joint. I
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: would smoke a few puffs of this.
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: I was just going to ask. I would be pissed
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: about that.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I was like, well, this is nothing I
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: can tell. There's nothing going on here, and I'm bored,
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: and I would not sometimes I wouldn't do as well
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: on the test because I was like cranky and bored,
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: and and then they would feed me hospital.
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: For that's where you that's where uber eat comes into
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: the picture about you probably didn't have that then.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: So no, this was so long ago.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: This is twenty years when they say, when you say
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: they give you cognitive tests, did they give you comprehension?
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: Like do they ask you like to read something and
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: then regurgitate it or like give us an option?
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: So it was it wasn't like that. It was all
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: on the computer. It was. It was I think there
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: might have been like some word. It was definitely memory stuff,
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: but it was simple games.
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: It was.
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: It was.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: It was never like read an essay and tell us
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: what it was about. It was never. It was never
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: like that, And it was it was all on the computer,
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: So there was no it was always multiple choice or.
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: Film cause like when I'm stoned like, lately, I've been
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: staying at a friend's house because I'm waiting for my
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: house to be done. And I was and I taken
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: out able usually around like six or seven PM, just
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: to like set the tone for the night. And then
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: if we watch a show, and if it's not the
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: most compelling show, she'll be like, wait, what just happened
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: on my I have no idea, Like I cannot tell
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: you what we're watching. I don't know what situation led
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: to the situation we're watching. My comprehension skills are like,
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: but if I knew I had to pay attention, I
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: would I just am in La la land, you know
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: what I mean, which is yeah, totally. So I always wonder,
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: like I'm like, I should take a comprehension skill and
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: see if I had to pay attention, if I could
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: under these conditions.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: It is true that it's true when you're stone that
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: like you don't remember things. But I have. I have.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: I have started well, I've been doing it for a
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: while now. But when I have to learn lines, yeah,
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: like a big chunk of text or something or a scene,
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: I will do it high. I will learn it high.
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: Uh.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: And then and then like immediately when I'm high and
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: I try to, Like, if I say, will you run
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: this with me? I won't be able to do it.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: But then like when I go back to it later sober, yeah,
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: it's there. So you think.
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: You think learning it while you're stoned helps cement the memorization.
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: I think so Oh thinks this is a great ad
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: for marijuana. This podcast consort by t Indica and Sativa.
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: I hate what people ask, is it Indica or Steva.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: I'm like, it's whatever the fuck you want it to be.
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: Mind ever matter, It doesn't matter what you take. You
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: can make it whatever you want. If you want to
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: stay up, stay up. But people are weak, you know
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: what I mean, Michael, People are very weak. You're right, Okay,
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: We're going to take a break and we're going to
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: be right back with Michael Uri.
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: This week. We'd love to hear from queer couples. If
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: you're a queer couple with a question, please write into
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: We're back with Michael Uri. Currently. He's currently enjoy he's
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: basking in the glory of his Emmy nomination for shrinking
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: and we take callers on this show. So we're going
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: to give some advice out to people who are calling it. Okay,
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: are you ready for that action?
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: Yes, I believe you are.
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: I believe you in your corkboard or whatever. I'm looking
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: at College cement already.
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: All right, Well, our first question comes from Mandy, and oh, Mandy,
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: this is a very many.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: She came in, she gave without talking. I sent her away.
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: I plan that.
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: No, I didn't. Actually, so, Mandy says, my sister is
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: getting married in September. She lives in Detroit and I
• 31:12
  Speaker 4: live in the UK. About a year ago, I completely
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: stopped talking to my parents. My dad was an alcoholic
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: and my mom enabled him. When I brought this up
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: to my mom recently, she acted completely shocked, like she
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: had no clue my dad ever treated us poorly. I
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: already was keeping a distance from my parents, but that
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: moment of pure gas lighting made me decide to cut
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: off contact completely. I've thought long and hard about whether
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: to go to my sister's wedding, and I truly think
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: it's best for my mental health to not get involved
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: in that family situation. My sister and I talk regularly,
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: but I haven't been back to the US to visit
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: family in almost a decade, nor has my sister come
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: to visit me, and I've never met this fiance, even
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: on video chat. My sister has asked me to be
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: her maid of honor. I sort of said yes, although
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: I had explained to her that I would not at
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: all feel bad if she gave the role to her
• 31:59
  Speaker 4: best friend since I wouldn't be there or be doing
• 32:02
  Speaker 4: any of the mative honor jobs. Ahead of time, I
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: know that I need to tell her sooner rather than later.
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: I'm just not sure how to tell her. My family
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: has this whole passive aggressive vibe, and I don't want
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: her to freeze me out because of this. My inclination
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: is to lie and say I got a job offer
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: and I'm not going to be able to take vacation
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: time in the first six months. But any advice, sincerely, Mandy.
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: And this one's just an.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: EMO, Okay, Mandy, I'll go first for this one, Michael. Mandy.
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: First of all, I think you have to go to
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: your sister's wedding. You don't have to stay there for
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: five days or three days. Even you can fly in
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: the night before if you want. If you want to
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: avoid your parents, I understand that, but you said yes
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: to your sister, and that's your sister, and she's getting
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: married once and like you already kind of committed, so
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: like to say you got a job is a way
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: to end. It's like a relationship breaker. Like now if
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: you back out, that's not good. You already told her
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: you would do it and follow through is kind of
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: like ninety percent of life. In my opinion, I think
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: you have to follow through on your commitments, and I
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: think you have to take your baggage that your family has,
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: your family baggage and literally just be above it for
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: the duration of time that you're going to be home
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: for your sister's wedding. Suck it up, demonstrate what a
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: good sister looks like, and then get the fuck out
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: of there. Don't get involved in any drama, be a
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: great bridesmaid, do anything you can for your sister. Let
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: her know you can only come in for a limited
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: amount of time. I mean, you're coming from the UK
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: right to America, so maybe it's only three days or whatever.
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: But you're going to feel better for doing it than
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: you're going to feel for canceling on her. That's going
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: to create a bunch of drama. I promise you, Michael,
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: what do you think?
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: I totally agree. I think you're totally right. I also
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: think especially the line the possibility of telling a lie.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: First of all, you just you just told it on
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: this podcast, which is you know, like what if what
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: if she finds out, well.
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: She's this is a write in, It could be anybody,
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: and also she probably used a fake name, like also
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: that that should just cancel this so specific? Well, it
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: is just it is specific. Actually, I don't know why
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: I'm defending it. I fucking say shit all the time
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: that I think no one's going to hear, and everyone
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: fucking hears podcastle Yeah exactly. My sister's like, why are
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: you talking about our problems on your podcast? I'm like,
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: where else am I supposed to air my dirty laundry?
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: But yeah, like when you make a commitment, you got
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: to follow through on a commitment. That's like being an
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: adult and a grown up and everything that's important about
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: you know, having a good kind of moral compass.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: Yes, I totally agree. And I also think lying is
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, white lies are one thing, but that's a
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: major lie. And I just think lying is so dangerous
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: because the truth is always easier to remember, yes, and
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: it's a long line.
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: And also, how does somebody feel when you say, oh, sorry,
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: I got a job, I can't I got a job offer,
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: I can't come to your wedding. It's like that's kind
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: of like a lame excuse for a wedding should be
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: paramount to a job offer, especially when it's not like,
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: you know, she's talking about what sounds like a freelancer
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: type situation anyway.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and he made a commitment, and you know, and
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: take the high road. Yes, your sister, you'd be the
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: better person.
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: Particular, Yeah, because if you're the one who's a victim
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: of gas sighting and you're like, I can't believe I
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: was gaslighted, it's like then you're a victim. Like are
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: you a victim? Do you want to be a victim
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: or do you want to be you know, on higher ground.
• 35:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and you can even express your concerns to her, like, hey,
• 35:14
  Speaker 4: can we maybe make sure I'm not sitting next to
• 35:15
  Speaker 4: mom and dad for a lot of this, And then
• 35:17
  Speaker 4: also like make sure to maintain your autonomy, Like it's
• 35:20
  Speaker 4: easy to be like I'll stay with a family member
• 35:22
  Speaker 4: or my sister or whatever and ride with people no,
• 35:25
  Speaker 4: get a car, get a hotel, like, make sure you
• 35:27
  Speaker 4: can have your own side.
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: Get a hooker, bring a hooker to the wedding. That'll
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: bring a great way to not get invited back.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: All right, man, really good having your own car?
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's such a in general in life to
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: anyone who's listening, if you can get your own car, yes, yeah,
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: that always get a car?
• 35:48
  Speaker 4: All right, Well, Mandy, let us know how it goes.
• 35:51
  Speaker 4: Our first caller today is Mitchell. His subject line of
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: his email is I'm definitely the asshole.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: Hello.
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: I'm a thirty six year old man and I've been
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: with my husband forty years old for almost ten years,
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: married for five and we've never had sex. When we
• 36:05
  Speaker 4: first met, he would give me a peck on the
• 36:07
  Speaker 4: lips occasionally, never with tongue, and the only time he
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: would try to do sexual things with me or even
• 36:13
  Speaker 4: French kiss is when he was drunk. After about a
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: year of being together, I started cheating. I was looking
• 36:18
  Speaker 4: for what I wasn't getting at home, and I'm one
• 36:20
  Speaker 4: hundred percent positive that I'm the asshole for this. I
• 36:22
  Speaker 4: feel like a piece of shit for the amount of
• 36:23
  Speaker 4: times which I can't even count that I've cheated on
• 36:26
  Speaker 4: my husband.
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: Him not being.
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: Intimate with me is not an excuse for cheating, and
• 36:29
  Speaker 4: I'm well aware of that. I was attracted him and
• 36:32
  Speaker 4: wanted a sexual relationship with him. This is something I
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: made very clear from the beginning, and I always let
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: him know that I thought he was sexy. I wanted
• 36:39
  Speaker 4: to be intimate, but he seemed very uninterested in that
• 36:41
  Speaker 4: part of our lives. I've asked him multiple times why,
• 36:43
  Speaker 4: and he says, I've just never been very sexual because
• 36:46
  Speaker 4: I don't know what to do. So much time has
• 36:48
  Speaker 4: gone by, and now the attraction I once had is gone.
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: It's taken away my confidence in myself. Not having someone
• 36:54
  Speaker 4: want me in that way has left me feeling unattractive
• 36:56
  Speaker 4: and worthless. About a month ago, I asked for a separation.
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: I was so afraid to do this because he's the breadwinner.
• 37:02
  Speaker 4: He does one hundred percent not want a separation and
• 37:05
  Speaker 4: thinks that therapy and still living together will work, but
• 37:07
  Speaker 4: I disagree. I think I need to learn to be
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: financially stable on my own and know how to make
• 37:11
  Speaker 4: it in the world without someone there to pick up
• 37:13
  Speaker 4: the pieces. I also feel so bad about the horrible
• 37:16
  Speaker 4: husband I've been to him, I feel like he definitely
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: deserves better than me. At this point, he's my best
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: friend and a roommate that I share a bed with,
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: and an occasional peck on the lips. To complicate things.
• 37:26
  Speaker 4: We share custody of my sister's kids. I moved out
• 37:29
  Speaker 4: of our house last week with my fifteen year old niece,
• 37:31
  Speaker 4: and the boys stayed with him. So the question, am
• 37:33
  Speaker 4: I the asshole for wanting out of this marriage, for
• 37:35
  Speaker 4: wanting better for myself from a partner and wanting to
• 37:38
  Speaker 4: give my best self to a partner in return? Am
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: I the most selfish person ever? I know that I'm
• 37:43
  Speaker 4: not the victim in the situation and that I am
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: the villain. This is definitely not the person I ever
• 37:47
  Speaker 4: saw myself becoming. I was always the one getting cheated on,
• 37:50
  Speaker 4: and now I'm the one who's cheated. I love your
• 37:52
  Speaker 4: podcast and enjoy the advice you have to offer others,
• 37:54
  Speaker 4: so I hope you have some for me. Mitchell.
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: Hi, Mitchell, this is our special guest, Michael.
• 38:00
  Speaker 5: It's fun to meet you too.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: You're not a bad person.
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: No, you're not a bad person. Stop self immolating like that.
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: You're not a bad person. Your actions are circumstantial, So
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: first of all, stop that you have to start to
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: flip the script on that, like you were in a
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: situation that was untenable and the reason I mean, and
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: it's very crazy to even hear, and I'm sure it's
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: not as uncommon as I'm acting. It is that you
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: were in a non sexual marriage for as many years
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: as you were. Like, that's not fun for you, and
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: I'm sure it's not fun for your partner because he
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: sounds like I have a friend who's gay who doesn't
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: like to have sex either, and I just I don't
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: understand that because the human touch, even sexually, like you know,
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: people need that. It's like scientific. And I can understand
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: that you're you're a man, you have needs and you
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: went out and met your needs because they weren't being
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: met at home. So I don't think you're a terrible
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: person at alll do you want to talk a little
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: bit first, like except from gay man to gay man
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: since I'm a woman, I'm going to come in later.
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I also know that that's the thing, that
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: there are people who are not very sexual. It sounds
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: like your husband maybe didn't. It feels like he has
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: never tried it, had it been open to it, And
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: that could be out of disinterest, or it could be
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: out of fear. But I think you can have a
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: relationship with him that is non sexual. But that doesn't
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: mean that you can't have a sexual relationship with other
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: people that you know. Like I mean, also like us,
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: gay is like things are pretty fluid often. You know,
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: there's a lot of open relationships in the gay community,
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: and there's a lot of we don't have to subscribe
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: to heteronormative ways of monogamy. So I feel like there
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: are probably some boundaries you can set with each other.
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: I do think, you know, I was saying, as I'm
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: the last person, I do think lying is bad because
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: it's always easier to remember the truth. And it's just like,
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: you know, I'll just haunt you. But I feel like, honest,
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: frank conversations are possible. You're down the road. I mean,
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: you've been doing this for so long now, so I
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: get it that it's complicated, and I have kids, and there's.
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: And you moved out so many right, you moved out.
• 40:13
  Speaker 5: And you've moved out, soved out about a week and
• 40:15
  Speaker 5: a half aayo, so.
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: You've basically done all of the things that I would
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: tell you that you should do already. You've kind of
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: taken control of the situation. So what's the temperature now
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: between you and your husband or ex husband or however
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: you want to frame it.
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah, still married, but yeah, I think those the situation's more.
• 40:33
  Speaker 5: It's easy. I would dare say it's the best fucking
• 40:36
  Speaker 5: divorce ever if it's going to happen like that, because
• 40:39
  Speaker 5: it's so easy. And he obviously, like I said, he
• 40:43
  Speaker 5: doesn't want to be separated or to get divorced. This
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: is not the word he wants to go down. But
• 40:49
  Speaker 5: I just at this point, I feel like it's the
• 40:51
  Speaker 5: right thing to do. And that's why I moved out
• 40:53
  Speaker 5: because I feel like I keep choosing his happiness over mind,
• 40:57
  Speaker 5: which is that he wants to be with me, and
• 40:59
  Speaker 5: have said continuous throughout our relationship that he if we
• 41:02
  Speaker 5: don't make it, or if something ever happened between us,
• 41:05
  Speaker 5: he would never want to be with anyone else. It
• 41:07
  Speaker 5: would just be me and I'm the only one he
• 41:10
  Speaker 5: wants and all these sweet things. But I also feel
• 41:13
  Speaker 5: like that's made me stay longer because I'm so afraid
• 41:16
  Speaker 5: of hurting him and because he is a good guy,
• 41:19
  Speaker 5: but I'm just not happy, yeah, and haven't been for
• 41:22
  Speaker 5: so long, and I just feel like it's time to
• 41:25
  Speaker 5: choosing myself. But even though so with that, I was like, well,
• 41:28
  Speaker 5: I kind of still feel like the asshole for like
• 41:31
  Speaker 5: eating all these times that I have and I should
• 41:34
  Speaker 5: have chosen myself Ben and maybe not done that so
• 41:37
  Speaker 5: I didn't have to worry about the hurt feelings that
• 41:40
  Speaker 5: I would have for having done that to someone.
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: Does he know about your infidelities?
• 41:45
  Speaker 5: He does not. I think I do think that he suspects,
• 41:49
  Speaker 5: but he I think he just doesn't want to. He's
• 41:53
  Speaker 5: that desperately not wanting to lose me that he just
• 41:56
  Speaker 5: he would never say anything if he did know.
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: And did you ever broach the eye idea of doing
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: an open relationship?
• 42:02
  Speaker 5: No, because I, as crazy as this sounds, I didn't
• 42:06
  Speaker 5: want that. But that's not what I want. I would
• 42:08
  Speaker 5: love to be with someone who just needs to be
• 42:10
  Speaker 5: with me and be in a relationship with just me.
• 42:13
  Speaker 5: That's what I want from a relationship, which is why
• 42:16
  Speaker 5: it's so crazy that I've done what I've done in
• 42:18
  Speaker 5: our relationship.
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: And does he understand that the relationship is over now.
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: Is he in any sort of acceptance mode about that?
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: Not at all. Now do you think that we're going
• 42:29
  Speaker 5: to be separated, that will work things out, We'll get therapy,
• 42:32
  Speaker 5: and it's all going to work out for the best.
• 42:35
  Speaker 5: And I just don't see that happening.
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: Okay, Well, I think, first of all, congratulations, you did
• 42:42
  Speaker 3: a great job by moving things along in the right direction.
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: You're not still living there. You've made big moves and
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: that takes a lot of courage, so you're on the
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: right track. Stop talking to yourself like you're a bad person.
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: You're not a bad person. You have needs and they
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: were being met, so you went elsewhere. Okay, So that's okay.
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: I don't think I think that it would be worth
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: going to a couple's counselor therapist with him for a
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: few sessions to rip the band aid off slowly and
• 43:08
  Speaker 3: explain to him because eventually he's going to understand that.
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: He's going to be happier too, you know what I mean,
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: Like he's going to understand the issue with your sister's kids.
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: You're basically best friends already. That's what you are, is
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: best friends, and you can continue that relationship once you've
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: made a few things clear to him and that this
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: isn't enough for you sexually, and it might be helpful
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: based on what a therapist advises you, to be a
• 43:33
  Speaker 3: little bit honest about your extracurricular activities to let him
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: know how serious it is. Like I don't want to
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: be like that. I want to be in a loving, committed,
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: monogamous relationship, but I'm not getting what I need from you,
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: So this is not workable for me. And it's been
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: so many years I no longer even have these feelings
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: towards you. And as difficult as all of these things
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: are to say, I want us to be friends and
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: raise these kids together and cane you on the relationship
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: that I think we've already built for the however many
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: years we've been together, that's what you have. Now you're
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: going to be living separately, which isn't going to be
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: that big of a difference. You're not going to be
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: a couple anymore. And like I think that with the
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: right therapists, like you do three or four of those sessions,
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: it's kind of like exiting a relationship, you know, if
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: you think of it like that and make your intention clearer.
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: I want you to be in a better headspace about this.
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: I think we should go to a therapist. And when
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: you sit down with a therapist, they're going to say,
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: are you here to save the relationship or are you
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: here to leave the relationship? You know what I mean?
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: And you have to be honest because being lying to
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: someone to save their feelings is not helping them.
• 44:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I think that's really good, but.
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean, it's hurtful. It doesn't feel good,
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: but it's like it's important to let that person move
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: on and start to heal from their pain. They have
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: to understand that it's a real situation. And you know,
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: and if you have to, you know, I wouldn't say
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: you've had zillions of affairs, that's not necessary, but you
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: can say, yeah, I've actually had to meet have my
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: needs met elsewhere. Like I'm not I didn't get married
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: to kiss someone on the lips. I'm so sorry, but
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: like that's not enough for me, and I wish it were.
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: I tried. I tried, I tried, and it's not.
• 45:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think, like, yeah, you got to work
• 45:15
  Speaker 4: real hard to forgive yourself even though if you don't
• 45:17
  Speaker 4: tell him about the infidelities, like, you don't need forgiveness
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: from him, you just need to forgive yourself.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, do you think he really doesn't want to be
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: a sexual person or do you think that there's you know,
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: a hang up.
• 45:30
  Speaker 5: I mean I've looked into like asexuality and maybe thought
• 45:34
  Speaker 5: that's where he was. I mean, he's been with women before,
• 45:37
  Speaker 5: and then he had been with a couple of guys
• 45:39
  Speaker 5: before he met me. He came out really late in
• 45:41
  Speaker 5: life where I came out when I was thirteen. So
• 45:43
  Speaker 5: the weird thing is I've never I've never questioned a
• 45:47
  Speaker 5: gay man's sexuality and thought maybe he's straight. So but
• 45:51
  Speaker 5: I've asked that a lot.
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, did he enjoy straight sex?
• 45:57
  Speaker 5: As far as I know, it was good for him.
• 45:59
  Speaker 5: I mean we haven't really talked too much about that.
• 46:03
  Speaker 5: But the but with Yeah, with us, it's like, I
• 46:07
  Speaker 5: guess that's the part that's weird to me. It's like
• 46:09
  Speaker 5: the not getting or only getting sex or sexual things
• 46:14
  Speaker 5: whenever he's drinking and drunk, I mean drunk to the
• 46:17
  Speaker 5: point where he passed about, you know, in the middle
• 46:21
  Speaker 5: of trying to do anything sexual with me, or even
• 46:25
  Speaker 5: the kissing is weird and It's like, I don't know.
• 46:27
  Speaker 5: If he's just afraid of doing it and he's that
• 46:30
  Speaker 5: insecure with himself, maybe I don't. I really don't know.
• 46:33
  Speaker 5: I've asked myself all of these questions, but I can't pinpoint,
• 46:37
  Speaker 5: and he won't ever say. The only thing he ever
• 46:39
  Speaker 5: says is I just don't know what to do. And
• 46:42
  Speaker 5: I'm like, well, let's do this and try this. But
• 46:45
  Speaker 5: he will only do this or try this when he's drunk.
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: Was coming out hard for him.
• 46:49
  Speaker 5: That's the even crazier thing. His family is amazing, and
• 46:52
  Speaker 5: they all were like super accepting of him and loving
• 46:56
  Speaker 5: and caring and all the opposite with the hell life happened.
• 47:00
  Speaker 5: So it can be just.
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: As much of a mind fuck as having to fight
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: your way out, I think, because there's I mean, this
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: is like coming out of the closet. There's no easy
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: way to do it, even if it goes well or
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: it goes badly, Like we're doing it every day in
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: this in this society, you come out of the closet
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: every single day, and and you know, like we all
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: have hang ups and when we're gay, and we spend
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: all of this time pretending we are not for however long,
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: whether it's until we're thirteen years old or forty years old,
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: that that is a period of time when you are
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: completely lying to everyone, including yourself, and and so the
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: hang ups are totally natural and not to be ashamed of.
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: And maybe maybe, you know, maybe there's a world where
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: he doesn't like gay sex and he does only like
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: straight sex, but he loves you and he wants to
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: be with you.
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: The other thing is also you know, you're not attracted
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: to him anymore, is what she said in your letter.
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: So it's like, even if he were to like work
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: through this or you guys would go to a sex
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: therapist and they would try and help you, guys, push
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: you along a little bit further sexually or anywhere. Basically
• 48:10
  Speaker 3: you've lost your mojo for it, because otherwise I would say, okay,
• 48:14
  Speaker 3: like exhaust all efforts. But like that kind of ship
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: has sailed, you know, so I would really just focus
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: on the children, of course, and focus on yourself and
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: forgiving yourself and know you're not a bad person at all.
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: People do that's not like the worst thing in the world. Yeah,
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: I just want to give you a lot of love
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: and a big hug, and like you know. Good for
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: you for knowing that you have to choose yourself. Like,
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: if you want to have a nice sex life and
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: a real great relationship with someone, that those things are
• 48:41
  Speaker 3: both possible. You can have a great sex life in
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: a relationship with someone, So there's no reason you shouldn't
• 48:46
  Speaker 3: do that if that's what you desire.
• 48:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah, for sure.
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: Also, the world's going to end like any minute, so
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: you better get out there and have a fucking good time,
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Like, enjoy your life, please
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: everyone listen, enjoy your scoocha may enjoy your life.
• 49:06
  Speaker 4: All right, Mitchell, will you check him with us in
• 49:08
  Speaker 4: a couple of months.
• 49:09
  Speaker 5: Absolutely, Thank you so much for the advice. I really
• 49:11
  Speaker 5: appreciate all about and the love, so thank you so much.
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, big love to you, Mitchelle Mitchell bye, Oh that
• 49:20
  Speaker 3: was so time mean yeah, and he and also it
• 49:23
  Speaker 3: was so nice that he had taken all these steps
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: and then yes, like so usually Michael, when people call in,
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: it's like I'm in this situation, what do I do?
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: And they haven't taken the steps? And I'm like, oh,
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: you know, well, first you need to get the fuck
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: out of the house.
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 49:35
  Speaker 4: Well, and part of that was actually an update because
• 49:37
  Speaker 4: he we had, you know, I'd emailed him and it
• 49:40
  Speaker 4: was that first part and he's like, and now I've
• 49:42
  Speaker 4: moved out, So that part was actually like an update with.
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: All of our callers first.
• 49:49
  Speaker 4: As a preliminary exactly well. Our next caller today is Emily.
• 49:54
  Speaker 4: The subject line of her email is lying about having cancer.
• 49:58
  Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea, my husband's friend has been dating this girl
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: and I really do not like her. I have my
• 50:03
  Speaker 4: reasons for starters. She has lied for years about having
• 50:06
  Speaker 4: various health issues. She claimed to have cancer, but then
• 50:09
  Speaker 4: last year admitted she was quote unquote misdiagnosed, although she
• 50:13
  Speaker 4: only told that to one person and nobody else. But
• 50:15
  Speaker 4: the secret is out because of how much she lies
• 50:18
  Speaker 4: and how much the record needs to be straight about her.
• 50:20
  Speaker 4: The craziest part is her boyfriend, dear friend to my
• 50:23
  Speaker 4: husband and me as well, was recently diagnosed with leukemia
• 50:26
  Speaker 4: and the irony is chilling. She continuously sends snapchats or
• 50:30
  Speaker 4: group chat messages about her health issues while neglecting the
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: fact that she's a liar and also minimizing her boyfriend's issues.
• 50:37
  Speaker 4: In fact, she goes as far as complaining about him
• 50:39
  Speaker 4: needing so much from her, and how he quote better
• 50:42
  Speaker 4: propose after all she has done for him. It's really
• 50:45
  Speaker 4: hard to type out all the reasons she is a
• 50:46
  Speaker 4: terrible person, but I'm hoping I'm giving the gist. She
• 50:49
  Speaker 4: is constantly looking for attention and pity, but quite frankly,
• 50:52
  Speaker 4: I have none to give. I've never liked her for
• 50:54
  Speaker 4: many reasons. Nothing can change that. I'm at a point
• 50:57
  Speaker 4: where I wish I could say something to her about
• 50:59
  Speaker 4: how I simply do not consider her to be a
• 51:00
  Speaker 4: friend in any way. But it's tough given that her
• 51:03
  Speaker 4: boyfriend is our dear friend. Looking for any advice on
• 51:05
  Speaker 4: how or if I should communicate my dislike and distrust
• 51:09
  Speaker 4: and disinterest in being her friend or just continue to
• 51:11
  Speaker 4: be fake. She has burnt bridges and created a circle
• 51:14
  Speaker 4: of mistrust around her. Frankly, I do not wish to
• 51:16
  Speaker 4: surround myself with but it's hard to draw a line
• 51:18
  Speaker 4: in the sand without communicating something for her to get
• 51:21
  Speaker 4: the message across. We'd love to hear your blunt advice. Emily.
• 51:24
  Speaker 3: Hi, Emily, how are you hello?
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: I'm good?
• 51:27
  Speaker 3: How are you hi? Good? This is our guest Michael Uri.
• 51:30
  Speaker 3: He's here today Hi.
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: Hey, Emily.
• 51:33
  Speaker 3: Well, she sounds like a real pain in the ass.
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: I don't like when women act like that. I don't
• 51:37
  Speaker 3: like and anyone acts like that. But it's very very annoying.
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: I I mean, I hear you. I would go, yeah,
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: I would be telling this woman in a second what
• 51:45
  Speaker 3: I thought of her. But for what, Like, what's that
• 51:47
  Speaker 3: can accomplish? You know what I mean? It's almost more
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: important that her boyfriend know about her instead of hit her.
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: She's not going to change because she's got some problems obviously.
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: No, she for sure has like child's and syndrome or something.
• 52:01
  Speaker 6: And that's kind of like what my friends and I
• 52:04
  Speaker 6: are just saying, is like it's not even about her anymore.
• 52:07
  Speaker 6: It's more about like her boyfriend, who is actually our
• 52:10
  Speaker 6: friend and who we care about deeply. So I've I've,
• 52:14
  Speaker 6: you know, even before kind of chatting with you guys,
• 52:16
  Speaker 6: I've been chatting with my sister in law about maybe
• 52:19
  Speaker 6: just addressing things with him and just talking to him
• 52:24
  Speaker 6: and being like, you know, I'm worried about you, care
• 52:26
  Speaker 6: about you, and kind of just pushing I want to say,
• 52:29
  Speaker 6: pushing her off to the wayside, but essentially doing that
• 52:31
  Speaker 6: because quite Frankly, I don't really care about her, and
• 52:35
  Speaker 6: I don't know exactly you care about playing myself to her?
• 52:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I get like, like, is he on these
• 52:41
  Speaker 3: group chats that she's sending.
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: No, not at all. It's just two girls.
• 52:46
  Speaker 6: It's not to any of the boys that we're friends with,
• 52:49
  Speaker 6: significant others or anybody.
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: So I'm not even sure, Like how in the know
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: he is about a lot of the thing she says
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: and does?
• 52:58
  Speaker 3: And how does your boyfriend feel about this object with
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: the two of you as a couple likes talking to him?
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: Is he open to that?
• 53:05
  Speaker 6: He is so non confrontational, and it would come down
• 53:10
  Speaker 6: to meet being the bad guy, which which I have
• 53:13
  Speaker 6: a like I'm totally fine at this point like taking
• 53:16
  Speaker 6: that on because I don't really care what she thinks
• 53:20
  Speaker 6: of me. But at the same time, like he's very
• 53:23
  Speaker 6: isolated already because of like taking care of himself and
• 53:27
  Speaker 6: then in turn kind of taking care of her right
• 53:29
  Speaker 6: now because whatever is happening with her.
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: And then just not going out.
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I would have a straight up conversation with him,
• 53:36
  Speaker 3: and do it without your boyfriend, because he's not going
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: to be helpful anyone who does.
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: He's not going to be helpful.
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: Now, I think you should go straight to him and
• 53:42
  Speaker 3: be like, I need to have a real conversation with you,
• 53:43
  Speaker 3: and be as direct as possible and show him some
• 53:46
  Speaker 3: of the snapschats. Just be like, I don't care if
• 53:48
  Speaker 3: this woman likes me or not, Like I'm invested in you.
• 53:51
  Speaker 3: You can tell her I did this. I told you,
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: I don't really care. Like, make it so that it's
• 53:55
  Speaker 3: you can bring her in here and I'll tell her
• 53:57
  Speaker 3: to her face, you know, like your attitude is great
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: because it is you are caring for your friend, and
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: now that he's dealing with leukemia, the last thing he
• 54:05
  Speaker 3: should be dealing with is some woman who's like trying
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: to get him to propose to her. That's gross, Yeah, and.
• 54:11
  Speaker 6: Just the near fact that she's not even like encouraging
• 54:13
  Speaker 6: a better lifestyle like either way.
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: There's also a show that just came out with Caitlyn
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: Denever or that one about the girl in Australia who
• 54:21
  Speaker 3: faked you. Oh yeah, howber she faked all of her illnesses.
• 54:25
  Speaker 4: It was just like a wellness guru. Ya.
• 54:27
  Speaker 3: She was a wellness guru and she pretended she had
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: all these diseases. It was just a huge show on Netflix.
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: Fucking make him watch that. Go you have to watch
• 54:35
  Speaker 3: this with your girlfriend. Make him watch that show. It's
• 54:38
  Speaker 3: really good and it's based on a true story. There
• 54:41
  Speaker 3: was a real woman in Australia who did this and
• 54:43
  Speaker 3: she faked all these diseases and then she got found out.
• 54:46
  Speaker 3: And yeah, that would that should be the first thing
• 54:48
  Speaker 3: that you so at.
• 54:49
  Speaker 4: The woman's name is Belle Gibson and the show is
• 54:52
  Speaker 4: Apple Cider Vinegar.
• 54:53
  Speaker 3: Applesider Vinegar.
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: Yes, funny enough. One of my best friends watched it,
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: and we've made the comparison the situation, right.
• 55:01
  Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, so maybe tell them that they have to
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: watch that. Go oh my god, you guys, we just
• 55:06
  Speaker 3: saw the best show. Have them watch that and then
• 55:09
  Speaker 3: go in for your conversation.
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: No, I mean, I think that's a good starting point
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: for sure.
• 55:13
  Speaker 4: This also brings up another question when someone who you
• 55:16
  Speaker 4: love has like a shitty partner and you want to
• 55:19
  Speaker 4: hang out with that person but not the partner, Like,
• 55:21
  Speaker 4: how do you do that? How do you go about
• 55:23
  Speaker 4: being like, we don't want you to bring her to
• 55:25
  Speaker 4: the barbecue or whatever.
• 55:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean you run the risk of them like
• 55:29
  Speaker 3: him canceling you out as a friend, but like, I'm sorry,
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: I feel like being morally like you know, upfront is
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: more important than worrying about the repercussions of the truth,
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean? Like, oh, I and I
• 55:42
  Speaker 3: think you do too, and so like I like that
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: you have this attitude that you're not that you want
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: to say something. I think you should say something. It takes.
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: It's so much easier to sit back and do nothing
• 55:50
  Speaker 3: and watch your friend just deal with this one. That's
• 55:53
  Speaker 3: the easier way to do it, and to talk behind
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: their backs. A real friend goes and tells her friend, like, listen,
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: this is what's happening. This is what we all think.
• 56:00
  Speaker 3: It's gross. I hate seeing you treated like this. These
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: text messages and these snapshats are gross. She's faking illnesses,
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: Like you need to wake up. You're sick and you
• 56:09
  Speaker 3: need people around you who love you and care about you.
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: And you know what else are you doing it for?
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: You already have a husband. It's like you're hitting her.
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I'm like, I'm thirty four years old. I
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: don't need more friends.
• 56:21
  Speaker 6: If I lose one, it's at doing it out of
• 56:24
  Speaker 6: the goodness of my heart to just kind of wake
• 56:26
  Speaker 6: them up, give them a little shake.
• 56:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: And I'm at the point like I don't care.
• 56:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah right, okay, good, okay, good.
• 56:33
  Speaker 6: I worry about my my boyfriend, caring about the divide
• 56:37
  Speaker 6: that might make, But I think I would go into
• 56:40
  Speaker 6: it with well intentions that It's like if if you
• 56:43
  Speaker 6: want to cut him out, that's your prerogative, but you
• 56:46
  Speaker 6: should you should dislike me for what I'm saying.
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: This has nothing to do with him.
• 56:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Absolutely, add that to the list of things. But
• 56:53
  Speaker 3: I support you one hundred percent, and please follow up
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: with us. Let us know how it goes, that conversation goes.
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: Yes, I absolutely will. Thank you so much.
• 57:01
  Speaker 3: Good luckey than stamp of approval EMLA. Okay, bye, bye, Okay,
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: We're going to be right back and we're going to
• 57:07
  Speaker 3: wrap up with Michael Ury. And we're back to wrap
• 57:13
  Speaker 3: up with Michael Ury. Michael, how did you enjoy it
• 57:15
  Speaker 3: your therapy sessions?
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: It was good. You have really good advice. Oh and
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: it's so fast. How do you come up with that
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: so quickly?
• 57:24
  Speaker 4: I'm very much She doesn't look at these beforehand like
• 57:26
  Speaker 4: this is all off, Like.
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: It's really it's really good. You've you've you've you've really
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: figured out how to like zero in on the problem
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: and you're brave. I'm so I'm not confrontational and I'm
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: afraid of lying, and so I'm a little bit of
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: a noodle like that.
• 57:43
  Speaker 3: But honesty doesn't have to be a confrontation. It can
• 57:46
  Speaker 3: be like, you know, I have to tell you something.
• 57:48
  Speaker 3: You know, this is what's happening. I just saw this happen.
• 57:51
  Speaker 3: You didn't see it. It's about you. I want you
• 57:53
  Speaker 3: to know. That's a friend. That's not a confrontation. You know,
• 57:56
  Speaker 3: going to that girl and going you're a liar, You're
• 57:59
  Speaker 3: that's a confrontation. And it's also unnecessary because she's not
• 58:01
  Speaker 3: going to change. You know, she's got big problems if
• 58:03
  Speaker 3: she's lying about having cancer. But anyway, listen, we solved
• 58:08
  Speaker 3: the world's problem. Today things things are looking up. Okay.
• 58:11
  Speaker 3: We needed a bright spot in our day. I definitely
• 58:13
  Speaker 3: needed a bright spot in my day. This was it.
• 58:15
  Speaker 3: This is going to be when I write my three
• 58:17
  Speaker 3: favorite things about my Gratitude Journal tonight, I'm going to say, well,
• 58:19
  Speaker 3: this is one of my highlights. Having Michael Yuri on
• 58:22
  Speaker 3: the podcast, we had great callers. Catherine today. I mean
• 58:25
  Speaker 3: great advice and good, good, healthy, good vibes. Yes, so,
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: and I just am very delighted to have you. You're
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: a delightful person.
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you. I'm such a huge fan. I love
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: this show and I love you, and I was really
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: delighted the ass. Thank you.
• 58:39
  Speaker 3: Oh yay, yay. Well, I hope I bump into you
• 58:42
  Speaker 3: a person at some point and we can have a
• 58:44
  Speaker 3: we can have a nice stiff drink together.
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: Yes, let's go joint.
• 58:49
  Speaker 3: I love a joint. We'll have a joint together. Yes. Okay, Michael,
• 58:53
  Speaker 3: have a great day. Thanks for coming on so much, guy. Okay, Well,
• 58:57
  Speaker 3: that's the end of our episode. And reminding people, we
• 58:59
  Speaker 3: got a lot of feedback on our Yaminica episode. People
• 59:01
  Speaker 3: were loving Yaminika. Dominica is opening for me in Vegas
• 59:05
  Speaker 3: on August thirtieth, So if you want to see the
• 59:07
  Speaker 3: two of us in action, we'll be there. Okay, Well,
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: we'll see you next Thursday. Hi bye. Okay.
• 59:13
  Speaker 7: My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for
• 59:16
  Speaker 7: this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in
• 59:22
  Speaker 7: Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on August thirtieth,
• 59:27
  Speaker 7: and then November one and twenty ninth. November first and
• 59:31
  Speaker 7: November twenty ninth, I will be in Las Vegas at
• 59:35
  Speaker 7: the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
• 59:38
  Speaker 3: It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
• 59:42
  Speaker 3: thank you.
• 59:43
  Speaker 4: Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea
• 59:46
  Speaker 4: Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
• 59:49
  Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
• 59:53
  Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
• 59:57
  Speaker 4: producer Catherine law And be sure to check out armag
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 4: at Chelseahandler dot com