Latest / Chapel Talks / How Do We Grow in Christlike Character? | 2 Samuel 18 | Sophie Bannister

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How Do We Grow in Christlike Character? | 2 Samuel 18 | Sophie Bannister · Chapel Talks

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It's a privilege to be back here with you and
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to be feeding on God's word together. Shall we
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pray as we begin? May the words of my mouth and
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the thoughts of all our hearts be now and always
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acceptable in your sight, O God, our rock and
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our redeemer. Amen. This passage to Samuel 18
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has formed part of a sermon series at our church
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in Spalding, where I, as I said, serve my husband.
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It's been a series seeking to learn from the
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work of God through the life of David and his
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family. And as I was considering what to bring
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today, I believe this passage would be worth
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mining again, particularly because of what it
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has to teach us about character. If you, like
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me, want to grow in Christ -like character as
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a friend, neighbour, spouse, parent and or child,
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as a servant of the church, I trust there will
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be something here for you. As we heard, 2 Samuel
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18 traces the tragic and rapid final unravelling
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of the relationship between David and Absalom.
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The question that I invite us to consider today
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is, how can we grow in Christ -like character?
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How can we make the kind of choices that will
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shape us into people after God's heart? To help
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us do that, we're going to first ask of our passage,
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what is Absalom like? We're going to look then
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at his relationship with his father, David, and
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then we're going to examine how the relationship
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between these two men can help to shine a light
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into our own hearts and also point us to Jesus
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Christ. So what is Absalom like? I'm going to
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take a survey across earlier chapters of 2 Samuel,
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starting from chapter 13, where we first meet
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Absalom offering shelter to his sister. Tamar.
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Tamar has just suffered at the hands of her half
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-brother Amnon, who has raped her and then thrown
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her out, abandoned her in that culture to a life
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of shame and isolation. So Absalom appears to
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be doing a kind thing here. Chapter 1320 says
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that Tamar lived in her brother Absalom's house,
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a desolate woman. He takes her in. He provides
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a home for her. But as you'll see, as we start
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to journey a bit further with Absalom, you can't
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help to start to wonder what exactly Absalom
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was motivated by. Was it compassion for Tamar?
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Or was she a useful catalyst for his own ambitions?
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Or perhaps a strange mixture of both? When Absalom
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takes Tamar into his house, his words sound very
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strange to us. Be quiet for now, sister. He is
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your brother. Don't take this to heart. You would
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not hear those words in a rape crisis clinic
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today. Clearly, Absalom should have taken his
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sister's case to the king to ask for justice
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for her. But instead, he takes his own violent
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revenge. Later in chapter 13, we see him persuading
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all his brothers to come to a meal and then commanding
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his men to kill Amnon just when he's relaxed
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and enjoying himself. So Absalom has used deceit
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and violence to avenge his sister. And also he
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has removed one obstacle in his way to the throne.
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Amnon was the firstborn son. Now only his father
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David stands in the way. David's second son is
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not mentioned in these accounts, only in the
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genealogies, which suggests he might have died
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young. So as the next living son, Absalom is
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now the first in line to inherit the throne.
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So was Absalom primarily motivated by compassion
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for his sister, or was she a convenient excuse
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for him to move himself one step closer to becoming
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king? What else do we learn about Absalom? A
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couple of other episodes help us to build up
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a picture of his character. Chapter 14 tells
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us that he had beautiful thick hair. Why does
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the writer of 2 Samuel tell us this particular
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detail? Because whenever Absalom had his hair
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cut, he would have the hair that had been cut
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off weighed to find out how heavy it is. The
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basic message is... that Absalom was vain and
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on quite a remarkable scale. If he was alive
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today, he definitely would have channels on all
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the major social media platforms where you could
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find out just how to get thick and lovely hair
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just like him. Chapter 15 tells us that Absalom
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was using deceit to win the hearts and minds
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of his father's people. David was meant to ensure
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that the law courts were functioning well so
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the people could bring their complaints and find
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justice, but he wasn't coming up to scratch in
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this area. Absalom would meet these complainants
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and pretend that he was interested in their case,
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winning them over to him. He wasn't actually
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interested because he never did anything about
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their problems, but he pretended to be in order
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to win a following so that eventually he could
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overpower the king. So as well as being vain
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and narcissistic, Absalom was emotionally manipulative.
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He was willing to pretend that he cared for people
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in order to win their affection. And when we
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come to our chapter today, chapter 18, after
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years of plotting and planning, Absalom has come
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to the point of actually going to war against
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his father. He's managed to remove the heir to
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the throne. He's managed to raise an army. And
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now he starts a fight with the aim of removing
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his father and becoming king. So David sends
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out his men. And you might have noticed that
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he gives a command there to everyone going out
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to fight. We read in verse five that everyone,
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here's what he says. He is very clear with his
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army that he does not want Absalom harmed in
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the fight. And this tells us something about
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his attitude towards Absalom. So the battle begins
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and very quickly it becomes clear that Absalom's
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initiative against David is going to fail. Verse
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7 says that David's army has the upper hand.
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And then something remarkable and quite bizarre
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happens. The tables suddenly turn, not just on
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his army, but on Absalom personally. Absalom
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is riding on a mule, a mount for a king. Evidence
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there again, in case we needed it, of the overreaching
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nature of Absalom's ambition. The mule goes under
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a tree and somehow Absalom gets caught in the
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branches and he's stuck. It's an extraordinarily
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humiliating position to be in. Absalom is about
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to get his comeuppance. And here we come in the
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narrative to Joab, the commander of David's army.
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Now, in chapter 14, we get an indication that
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Joab was somewhat supportive of Absalom. When
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Absalom kills Amnon and has to flee, Joab helps
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to arrange a partial reconciliation between Absalom
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and David. Maybe Joab, who, as we know, is a
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ruthless political animal, maybe he approved
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of Absalom taking revenge on Amnon for what he
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did to Tamar. Maybe he had thought then that
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it would be better for David to keep his enemy
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son Absalom close rather than hold him at a distance.
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But now, learning that Absalom is caught in a
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tree, Joab disregards David's command not to
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harm him and takes three spears, three spears,
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and plunges them into Absalom's heart. He then
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oversees ten soldiers who surround him and finish
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him off. And they bury him, I was going to say
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in an unmarked grave, but it isn't even a grave,
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just under a heap of rocks. The murder of Absalom
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is vicious and humiliating. Why? Here are two
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possibly overlapping reasons. One is simply that
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Joab was a political operator. He knew that if
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David's kingdom was going to survive, Absalom
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had to die. Joab was prepared to override David's
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wishes, probably because he thought the king's
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weakness for Absalom was going to end up getting
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him killed. Another reason could well be that
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Joab loathed Absalom. One spear would have been
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enough to kill Absalom. Kingdom saved, job done.
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Verse 3 in chapter 14. Absalom has been allowed
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to return from exile to Jerusalem, but he's not
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allowed to see the king. He tries twice to give
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Joab's attention, to get Joab to persuade David
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to see him, but both times Joab refuses. In response,
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Absalom gives his servants this instruction.
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Look, Joab's field is an ember mine, he's got
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barley growing there. Go and set it on fire.
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I don't know the value of that field, Barney,
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for Joab's family that year. Was it the only
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field? Did Joab have others? Either way, Absalom
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has it burned, just like that. Unsurprisingly,
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Joab's attention is now caught. He goes to Absalom
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and says, Why have your servants set my field
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on fire? And Absalom says in essence, I've tried
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to get your attention before. I just really want
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to see the king. He can decide whether I've done
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anything wrong here. So Absalom was extraordinarily
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unconcerned about Joab as a spiel. He was just
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determined to get his own way. And he was prepared
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to humiliate Joab in order to force him to his
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will. Now, Joab was a man of considerable power.
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And as it turns out, Absalom was unwise to show
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him such contempt, but their interactions reveal
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something very dark about Absalom. He was prepared
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to sacrifice every relationship in order to gain
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power. Absalom is completely and utterly out
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for himself, and he will use the weak and trample
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on the strong in order to get what he wants.
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So... What is Absalom like? How might we describe
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his character? I think we can safely conclude
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that he was vain, deceitful, violent, manipulative,
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arrogant and cruel. Absalom, the self -anointed
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wannabe king, is in many ways an antichrist.
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not in a one John sense, but in an opposite of
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Christ sense. If the people of Israel might have
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breathed a sigh of relief that Absalom did not
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ascend to the throne, we can rejoice that our
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legitimate Christ is the anti -Absalom in all
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his dealings with all of us in Christ. A servant
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king, not a vain prima donna, utterly truthful,
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not deceitful. a peacemaker and reconciler, not
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given to wanton violence, one whom we can trust
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with our highest dreams and deepest fears and
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fragile hearts and never manipulative, humble,
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not arrogant, kind, not cruel. Praise God that
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God's real king is better than this pretender.
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We can say that from our perspective on this
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side of the cross. But track back 3 ,000 years
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and we're still left with a crucial question.
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Why, given all that Absalom is like and all that
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he's done, why does David continue to love him,
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even to the extent of risking his kingdom? More
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than once, Absalom demonstrates that he is utterly
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undeserving of his father's trust and love, uninterested
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in his father's love. He would rather his father
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was dead or in exile so that he could be king
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instead. And yet David loves him. The narrator
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communicates the depth of David's love very powerfully
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over the course of 14 verses from verses 19 onwards.
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We start with the knowledge that Absalom is dead,
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or at least we know that. But we also know that
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David doesn't know that. And in the exchange
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between Joab and Ahimaaz, we hear the insistence
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of Ahimaaz, who hasn't quite understood the likely
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impact of the news of Absalom's death on David.
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Joab does see it. And so we have this tussle
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between them, resolved by Joab finally admitting
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Ahimaaz to run. And then we move to David sitting
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at the gates. And we realize that he has been
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watching and waiting for Absalom ever since his
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soldiers left the city. And he's alerted to the
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first runner. And then we get these agonizing
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nine verses as we wait first for Ahimaaz and
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then for the Kushite to arrive, where we see
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that David is hoping against hope that Absalom
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is alive. I wonder whether you've ever had to
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wait for news, maybe a call or an email about
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someone or something you care about. And as you
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wait, you go through the possible options. You
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look desperately for signs of hope, hope that
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the news will be good. In verse 27, when David
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realizes the runner is Ahimaaz, he comes to an
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instant and illogical conclusion. He's a good
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man. He comes with good news. It's the logic
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of a desperate man. But the news isn't good for
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David. And when he learns of Absalom's death,
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he is devastated. He is overwhelmed by his grief.
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David loves his son, not perfectly, even unwisely.
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Effectively, he spoils him. He refuses to discipline
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his son, who is rebelling against him. Maybe
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his love was mixed in with guilt about his own
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failings in the past. But despite this, remarkably,
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despite the kind of person Absalom was and the
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kind of things he did, David loves Absalom. Why
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is this important? There are two things I'd like
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to draw out here. The first point is that David's
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love for imperfect Absalom is a signpost pointing
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us, to God's love for us. I wonder whether when
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you listen to David waiting in agony for Absalom
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to return home from the battle, you heard echoes
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of the father in Luke chapter 15, waiting and
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longing for the prodigal son to return home.
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David isn't a perfect example of God's love,
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but the gap between what Absalom deserved and
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what David was prepared to give him, points us
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forward to the gap between what we deserve and
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what God is prepared to give us. The second point
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is that Absalom, the wannabe king, resists David,
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the anointed king. And that resistance to God's
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sovereign choice is very much alive in our hearts
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too. We can probably all say that we have not
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murdered our brother and gone to war against
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our father in order to win power. But in our
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self -centeredness and our idolatry, we often
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go to war against God's anointed king, Jesus
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Christ. And we hate and envy those who have a
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calling that we want for ourselves. I don't know.
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what this looks like for you. I know from what
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I've seen in my own heart and others that it
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can look like expediency, where we choose to
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put pressure on others to override their needs
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to get the outcome we want. Deceit. Perhaps we
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choose to lie or maybe we pretend to care about
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people to persuade them to do what we want. Envy.
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We despise the life that God has called us to
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live and envy those who are doing the things
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that we wish we were doing. Self -rule. Perhaps
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instead of surrendering our lives to God, we
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try to make our chosen future come about by ourselves.
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And ministers are just as susceptible to this
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as anyone else. If Absalom had surrendered his
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life and his hopes for the future to God, had
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accepted his father and in time his older brother
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as God's anointed king, and been willing to enjoy
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the love of his father, what could his life have
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been like? What kind of a person could he have
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been? Maybe with a love for justice, pursuing
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right justice for his sister, for the people
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of Israel. Perhaps he would have honoured others.
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Perhaps he could have been a faithful and supportive
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son to his father and older brother. Gratitude.
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Perhaps he could have accepted the place in the
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world that God had given him and found some other
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wiser outlet for his energy and ambition. Peace.
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Perhaps he could have known the peace that God
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gives in the knowledge that he is sovereign and
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Absalom is loved. The more we surrender our lives,
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our character, our hopes for the future again
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to God's anointed King Jesus, beholding his death
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in our place on the cross, trusting that he loves
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us, no matter how many times we fail him, what
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changes could that surrender bring about in our
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lives? Wouldn't that surrender help to shape
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us into Christ -like people? Perhaps there is
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one thing that you know in your heart. that the
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Holy Spirit is prodding gently right now. An
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area of my heart still holding out against King
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Jesus. An area where you would love the Lord
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to help you make better choices. Let's ask the
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Lord together in prayer now. Loving Father God,
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we read the life of Absalom and find so much
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to be horrified by. And yet, when we are honest,
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we know that there are areas of our lives where
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we make choices that are all about what we want
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and not about what you want. We resist your anointed
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King, Jesus, and his will for our lives. Thank
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you for your love for us, which is so much greater
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than the great love David had for his son, Absalom.
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Thank you, Jesus, that through your death on
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the cross you prove your eternal love for us.
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In the quiet, I offer you this one area of my
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life. I invite you, Holy Spirit, to come. Shine
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your light in my heart. Bring clarity and wisdom
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to my mind. Forgive me for the things I have
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said and done that do not bring glory to you.
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May your love for me in all my brokenness change
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my heart so that more and more I want to make
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choices that are Christ -like. Teach me, guide
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me, help me. Thank you that I am not alone, that
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you have promised to be with me always. In Jesus'
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name. Amen.