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From Quiet to Strength: Embracing Your Introverted Leadership Style · Is Your Way In Your Way?

0:25
Cassandra: Good day out there to all of my listeners and I'd like to welcome you to Is your Way In your Way podcast, and I'm your host.
0:32
Cassandra: My name is Cassandra Crawley-Mayo, and, for those new listeners out there that have not ever heard this podcast, let me just share with you what it's about.
0:41
Cassandra: It's actually about it's for individuals who are, what I say, stuck Stuck because you know that it's something within yourself that you should be doing, such as maybe you want to be an author, maybe you want to be a coach, perhaps you want to change jobs, you want to be promoted, and you just have not been able to take action to do so, and many times when that happens, we have all these self-imposed barriers that's preventing us to do that.
1:11
Cassandra: So, whenever we talk about these are some topics that we talk about related to what I say self-improvement, business improvement, self-reflection.
1:25
Cassandra: This will enable you to maybe self-reflect on some things, and I am always prayerful that it's something said in one of my podcasts with my special guests, that it'll be something for you to like wow, it's like an epiphany.
1:41
Cassandra: I got it and you know what.
1:43
Cassandra: I'm going to take this step forward and I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to listen to this podcast, and today I have a special guest on, but let me tell you what we're going to talk about, though.
1:56
Cassandra: We're going to talk about breaking down those self-imposed barriers of introversion, and we're going to talk about introversion just in case you're not clear on what that's all about, and my special guest is Stacey Chazen.
2:14
Cassandra: Hello, stacey, she's an iFactor leadership, that's her company.
2:19
Cassandra: Hello, how are you today?
2:21
Stacey: Hello Cassandra.
2:21
Stacey: It's great to be here.
2:22
Stacey: I am doing well, thanks yeah it's great having you.
2:26
Cassandra: This subject is so dear to my heart because that's me, that has been me.
2:32
Cassandra: I was born that way, as hard as I try, but anyway, we're going to get all into that and I'm hopeful, as I indicated earlier, that something that's going to be said to say, ah, that's me and I can do whatever my mind is set to do regardless.
2:50
Cassandra: Okay, so first, what I'd like to do is read Stacey's bio.
2:55
Cassandra: I like to read a little bit about my guest so that you all get a deeper understanding of what she is about, not who she is, but in other words, it qualifies her to kind of go talk about what we're going to talk about today.
3:09
Cassandra: So she is a dynamic leadership development coach and a proud introvert.
3:16
Cassandra: She is rewriting the narrative on introversion.
3:21
Cassandra: Stacey underwent a remarkable transformative transformation after grappling with societal expectations that favored extroverts.
3:31
Cassandra: Instead of conforming to societal pressures, she embraced her introversion qualities.
3:40
Cassandra: She turned them into powerful assets that allowed her to thrive both professionally and personally.
3:47
Cassandra: Now, as a fervent advocate for introverts, she draws on her extensive corporate and nonprofit experience.
3:56
Cassandra: She has a master's in organizational development and leadership and she's certified as a Myers-Briggs type indicator practitioner that empowers introverts, guiding them towards self-acceptance, fulfillment and success in the workplace.
4:13
Cassandra: And boy, this is a topic for me too, guys, and I know it's for you, because that societal pressure really put some self-imposed barriers in my way, because I was what they called quiet, but I always like to say I was a quiet storm, but anyway, let's see, I love that.
4:32
Cassandra: So, stacey, tell us a little bit about your backstory before you was working, before working in corporate.
4:42
Stacey: So my backstory, my backstory, related to how I had this epiphany about my introversion I can start with that and a little bit about my journey.
4:51
Stacey: So I think my backstory actually starts when I thought about it, when I was in preschool.
4:56
Stacey: And I say that because when we're as young as two or three years old and we begin to socialize, we begin to be in social environments, we start to hear messages from our preschool teachers.
5:08
Stacey: Let's say that being more social, having more friends, wanting to play with other kids on the playground rather than going off by yourself, all of those things were better than if you actually did want to build a tower with blocks on your own, or or read a book or do a puzzle by yourself.
5:25
Stacey: And we hear messages as we're going through school Right, collaborating is better, having more friends is better, going out on more Saturday nights when you're in high school is somehow better than if you're staying home and watching a movie or God forbid reading a book.
5:41
Stacey: And we start to hear, even though we might not have identified as being introverts, myself included, we get this message that the way that we are wired and we like to be is somehow not enough.
5:52
Stacey: And I heard the same message in college.
5:56
Stacey: I started off when I first graduated from college.
5:59
Stacey: I worked in public relations, which, as I look back now, it's kind of a crazy career to go into as an introvert.
6:06
Stacey: I didn't have self-awareness and it wasn't for me.
6:08
Stacey: I did not like picking up the phone and there was no email.
6:12
Stacey: Back then it was very early in the email days.
6:14
Stacey: I didn't like the phone and pitching stories to people I didn't know, and I eventually went back to school and started working in the health policy space after I got a master's in public health and while the subject matter was, it really fueled me.
6:30
Stacey: It was my passion.
6:32
Stacey: I got the same discouraging messages at work that I needed to collaborate more with other people, I needed to be more social.
6:40
Stacey: The way that I was and that I engaged with other people was somehow not enough.
6:45
Stacey: And I had the great fortune of having the opportunity to take a Myers-Briggs type indicator assessment which, for your listeners who might not know Myers-Briggs or MBTI, it's one of the it's the world's most commonly used personality and one of the dimensions it shares with you is whether you are introverted or extroverted.
7:10
Stacey: And for your audience, who might not be familiar with those terms, when we're talking about introverted versus extroverted, what we reallyverts tend to be fueled by time spent alone or time spent with just one other person.
7:34
Stacey: Having the opportunity to go deep in some subject matter areas, to really sit with topics and let them marinate and be thoughtful.
7:42
Stacey: That's what fuels us, while people who are extroverted are energized by engaging with others, thinking out loud, you know, doing the collaboration, all that stuff.
7:52
Stacey: That's right.
7:53
Stacey: So I took this MBTI assessment.
7:58
Stacey: I said, oh, that's who I am, yeah, and it's it.
8:02
Stacey: Didn't just tell me that's who I am, but it.
8:03
Stacey: It shed light for me on what about being an introvert actually makes me pretty great and all makes all introverts great that we have these um, we're deep thinkers, we're analytical, we're empathetic so many traits that I can talk a little bit more about.
8:19
Stacey: But I started going down this path where I had a lot more self-awareness of what made me strong and I realized that a lot of that was rooted in my introversion.
8:39
Cassandra: That's good.
8:40
Cassandra: I love this topic because I too, listeners, I am an introvert and I was sharing with Stacey, before she came on, how it really impacted the I say, self-inflicted barriers on myself.
8:52
Cassandra: I didn't think I was good enough, I didn't want to.
8:55
Cassandra: I felt if I said something, no one would listen to me.
8:59
Cassandra: And they didn't.
8:59
Cassandra: Actually, you know, someone spoke louder and said the same thing I said, but differently, and they will listen to, you know.
9:07
Cassandra: And if I spoke up, I'm like wow.
9:08
Cassandra: So I just, I just was like, and you're.
9:09
Cassandra: And if I spoke up, I'm like wow.
9:09
Cassandra: So I just I just was like, and you're right, I love the part about the energy.
9:14
Cassandra: I don't get it.
9:16
Cassandra: Well, let me ask you this I can like there are people that if I share with them I'm an introvert, they don't believe it.
9:25
Cassandra: Yeah, I believe it.
9:28
Cassandra: Yeah, have you experienced that?
9:29
Cassandra: Experienced that?
9:29
Cassandra: Why?
9:30
Cassandra: Why don't they believe that, even though that's what we are?
9:32
Stacey: they're like so shocked because people have a lot of misperceptions about what it means to be introverted and and so, for example, let me ask you this question has anyone ever said is part of the reason they're surprised because you're a podcast host, right?
9:45
Stacey: Do they say, yeah, you could be?
9:48
Cassandra: doing that if you're introverted, exactly, exactly, exactly, yeah.
9:51
Cassandra: And another thing, like if I'm at events, I may end up knowing everybody.
9:56
Cassandra: Yeah, it's interesting knowing who I need to know, but yet I'm better one on one Right, and what you're describing is introversion.
10:05
Stacey: So a couple of things like one.
10:07
Stacey: There are all these myths, right.
10:14
Stacey: There are myths that introverts, that we don't like people, that we don't like to work with people, that we don't like to network, that we don't like to go to parties.
10:18
Stacey: We can do, we can do all these things.
10:19
Stacey: We just do them in our, in our own introverted way, or we need to do it in our, in an introverted way, which means we need to tap into our strengths when we do this, not trying to do them the way that extroverts do.
10:34
Stacey: And when you say that people are surprised, right.
10:37
Stacey: You and I are having a one on one conversation right now.
10:40
Cassandra: That is an introvert's sweet spot.
10:43
Stacey: Yes, I love it.
10:44
Stacey: It's not at all surprising.
10:45
Stacey: I can't tell you how many most of the podcasts that I've been on.
10:49
Stacey: Surprising I can't tell you how many most of the podcasts that I've been on the hosts have been introverted Really.
10:54
Stacey: Yeah Well, of course that explains a little bit why they're interested in me as a guest, but I think that they are very it's very widespread.
11:01
Stacey: Because you're not engaging, even though you have all these listeners out, you know, in the airwaves.
11:06
Stacey: As far as you're concerned you're just looking at me, right?
11:11
Stacey: You're not having a conversation with um hundreds or thousands of people wow, wow, so listen.
11:17
Cassandra: So how do you change the narrative for those out there that are introverted and feeling like it's a bad thing, or you know, because they're quiet and and they don't speak up in meetings, like a great example is not speaking up, so they don't think you're really qualified for the next position or something you hit the nail on the head and I'll give you for the show notes.
11:41
Stacey: I actually have a meeting playbook for introverts with strategies to have your, your voice heard, your ideas shine.
11:48
Stacey: It's a free download.
11:49
Stacey: I'll give you the link for that.
11:50
Stacey: But the way I approach it with my coaching clients and I have a coaching practice through my business which is called iFactor Leadership, and I use a framework called appreciative coaching, which essentially means that we approach who you are as an individual, as a leader, entirely through a positive lens, and we start off by um.
12:15
Stacey: I guide you to identify what's called your positive core, and your positive core is essentially the best of who you are.
12:21
Stacey: Okay, and you can do that by and I'm going to share this with your listeners because you don't need to work with a coach to do this you can kind of dip your toes in it at home, and a way to do that is to sit down with a pen and paper or a computer, if you like, to type instead and reflect on peak experiences in your life, especially.
12:41
Stacey: They could be at work, they could be in your personal life, and peak experiences are times when you felt really great about what you're doing yeah, you contributed, that you made an impact, that you were engaging with others generally happy moments and write these down, reflect on what they look like and what your role was, and then think about what skills or strengths did you bring to bear?
13:04
Stacey: And when you look across these experiences, in all likelihood you're going to see some common strengths and roles and gifts emerge.
13:13
Stacey: So, for example, one of my one piece of my positive core and I was most energized at times where I had an opportunity to write I wrote an issue brief, I wrote a strategic plan or a proposal.
13:39
Stacey: You know what it looks like.
13:41
Stacey: Writing is showing up in a number of these experiences.
13:45
Stacey: I bet that's part of my positive core the best I am and you'll start to see these strengths that show up over and over again and you can begin to keep a list of those and then recognize when you're having opportunities to use them in your work life, in your personal life, and not only when you're given opportunities, but seek them out, them out right.
14:08
Stacey: If you find that you're a strong writer, if you identify that you are highly empathetic and you're very good at helping with conflict resolution all right opportunities to mediate or to create a mentoring program, set up a peer-to-peer support program, opportunities to let you use that empathy, for example, because you're great.
14:32
Stacey: You just sometimes need to sit back and and reflect on the fact that you've made all these wonderful contributions and what.
14:40
Stacey: What set you up to do that.
14:42
Cassandra: Wow, your evidence based coaching and framework is empowering.
14:50
Cassandra: How is that?
14:54
Stacey: It's empowering because it's entirely rooted in the positive, so it starts off with identifying your strengths.
15:01
Stacey: What's great about you?
15:02
Stacey: Right, you know I'm using the generic I.
15:05
Stacey: I'm highly empathetic, I'm a strong writer, I am an analytical thinker.
15:09
Stacey: I am a analytical thinker, I am a great storyteller.
15:16
Stacey: These are all typical introverted strengths.
15:18
Stacey: As we take a look at those and say, okay, what is your dream future in some area?
15:24
Stacey: Right, let's say, you want to be a motivating team leader, or you want, maybe you want to be the CEO of your company.
15:27
Stacey: Or maybe you want to be the CEO of your company, maybe you want to be someone who is known as a safe and trusted space for problem solving.
15:36
Stacey: It could be anything, really.
15:37
Stacey: And then what I do is I guide you to create a plan, design a plan that helps you use your strengths, use your positive core, to get to that goal, to get to that dream, that dream future that you've identified for yourself.
15:56
Stacey: So it's not about how do I fix something.
15:56
Stacey: It's how do I build on what's working and the strengths and gifts that I already have.
16:00
Cassandra: OK, ok.
16:00
Cassandra: So let's say, for example, my listeners, who are stuck and there's certain things they want to do, right, be a coach or whatever, and they are can't seem to move forward and maybe because of those self-imposed barriers why they're unable to move forward.
16:27
Cassandra: And this is this could be for extroverts or introvert, but yet for those who are introverted, you know, and let's say, while they're in the process of that, somebody comes to them and says I don't know if, if I give you a great example, oh no, how could she all this briefing?
16:53
Cassandra: She doesn't talk up, she doesn't, she's not able to express herself because she's kind of quiet.
17:00
Cassandra: Now, let's say you had a client like that, how would you help them to overcome those naysayers?
17:08
Cassandra: Would would you say why don't you pivot and focus on your positive?
17:12
Cassandra: Or how?
17:13
Cassandra: How could they overcome that?
17:16
Stacey: Well, first of all I'd start with don't listen to the naysayers.
17:19
Stacey: Someone's saying that to you.
17:21
Stacey: They're not in your corner, they're not helping you succeed.
17:25
Stacey: So, I think that we need to unhook ourselves from the opinions of others and I know that you're said than done but not to base our validation in the opinions of others.
17:39
Stacey: So that's first and foremost.
17:40
Stacey: Okay.
17:41
Stacey: Look yourself from that negativity, from the oh.
17:44
Stacey: How do I change that person's mind?
17:46
Stacey: You know, unless that person is the one you want to hire you, you shouldn't have to care.
17:50
Stacey: Okay, sure, you're not to care.
17:52
Stacey: Okay.
17:52
Stacey: And then, yeah, it's working with that person to identify if she's looking for some more confidence because she has internalized the fact that she thinks she's not a powerful speaker or she's not good at building a strong argument.
18:10
Stacey: It's helping her.
18:12
Stacey: I would start with what's your positive core?
18:14
Stacey: Let's reflect on some time or maybe you were in a club and maybe you had a volunteer activity, maybe you had a part-time job before law school and to think about ways in those different situations that she was able to find to show that.
18:30
Stacey: And it could be.
18:30
Stacey: I'll give you an example.
18:31
Stacey: Like maybe she was a babysitter in high school or college and she could find a time where she was able to resolve conflict that was happening among the kids.
18:41
Stacey: She was babysitting right, it's what is her.
18:43
Stacey: Could she tap into her empathy, could she tap into?
18:48
Stacey: We tend to be very good at reading between the lines, picking up on nuances.
18:51
Stacey: I think that most folks would be surprised that there are situations where they've been able to shine, to contribute.
18:58
Stacey: But by tapping into that contextual, those contextual insights that they have.
19:03
Stacey: And then if she says her dream is to get a job as an associate in a law firm where she can do X in this type of department, it's like then it's okay.
19:15
Stacey: How do you, how do you take your positive core, yeah, conduct your job search to.
19:22
Stacey: Even when you're assessing jobs, you want to make sure that you're going into an environment that's going to let you be who you are, that's going to respect your introversion, allow you to have that alone time to work, balanced with collaboration in all likelihood.
19:58
Stacey: But that people, when someone's interviewing you and they're talking to you about the work environment, you want to hear that they're going to see you for who you are and that's going to make you into someone else, and that's very true for introverts especially especially, what do you think about?
20:23
Cassandra: let's get into the job or career, and you know that's a skill, I'm calling a skill an introvert.
20:26
Cassandra: You know that's who you are.
20:27
Cassandra: What do you think about sharing that?
20:30
Cassandra: You know, maybe not during the interview, or maybe you can, but let them know in the beginning how you, about you.
20:39
Cassandra: You know, like, like, for example, you may, I.
20:43
Cassandra: Is it okay, you think, to say, you know, in meetings I may not speak up because of this, this, this, but I will, and you know, just kind of share with them maybe your expectation and what they're expecting of you, for them, for them, give you the opportunity to share what.
21:03
Cassandra: What's your Myers-Briggs?
21:05
Cassandra: Well, you can say, well, my Myers-Briggs says I'm an introvert, but just to bring that up, what do you think?
21:10
Stacey: That is a fantastic question, and you've hit the nail on the head in how you've suggested an answer, and so I think of it as should you confess your introversion, right?
21:20
Stacey: Do you want to tell people that you're introverted, right?
21:22
Stacey: Here's where I currently stand on that.
21:24
Stacey: I think that introversion and introvert are currently they're still loaded words.
21:30
Stacey: There are so many misperceptions about what that means, as we talked about earlier many misperceptions about what that means, as we talked about earlier.
21:39
Stacey: It's not my recommendation that certainly not in a job interview, but in the early stages, I wouldn't necessarily announce to people that you're an introvert.
21:46
Stacey: However, I 100% agree with what you said, that you need to let people know how it is you operate, what's your operating manual and how is it that you are going to do your best work.
21:59
Stacey: And one of the things I recommend to teams is that the first time a group comes together whether on a new team that's formed or you're coming together on a new project is for everyone to go around the table whether it's on Zoom or an actual table in an office and share with the group.
22:15
Stacey: What do you want everyone else to know about what you need to succeed?
22:19
Stacey: Okay, and that's important for introverts or extroverts, and I think as an introvert, you could say exactly what you just said before, cassandra.
22:26
Stacey: Right, you might notice I'm not always going to speak up in a meeting and come up with an idea immediately.
22:32
Stacey: But, you know, I need some time to think, to sit with it.
22:34
Stacey: If I get, uh, it's really important for me to have an agenda ahead of time so I can begin to plan what I'm going to say, pull together the data that I need, um, it could be.
22:45
Stacey: I need to sit with it and you're going to get your best ideas out of me.
22:49
Stacey: If I can contribute in writing, that's another thing yeah, and this is for introverts or extroverts, right?
22:57
Stacey: It's so important to know what your colleagues need to be most successful and how you can support them, whether it's folks that you manage or peers.
23:06
Cassandra: Right, right.
23:07
Cassandra: Is there any other way that you would suggest how to mitigate those barriers, like pushing past those fears and those doubts and insecurities, any other thing?
23:21
Stacey: Yeah, I'd say start small.
23:23
Stacey: So many introverts, for example, are afraid to present, to present before a big group.
23:29
Stacey: Even though one of my favorite myths that introverts are bad presenters, we actually do really well as presenters because we are good at preparing, we are natural storytellers, in part because many of us are voracious readers, and we're really good at doing our research, pulling together data, pulling together the facts, so to support our presentation.
23:51
Stacey: So we're very good at it.
23:52
Stacey: But some of us, many of us, still have some uneasiness.
23:56
Stacey: So what I would suggest is start small.
23:58
Stacey: Find a small group to present in front of, or present on a topic that you know inside and out already, create a new presentation for and so test the waters.
24:09
Stacey: Start small.
24:10
Stacey: Find increasingly large forums.
24:13
Stacey: Find subject areas that are that push outside your comfort zone a little bit, and the more you do it, the more comfortable you'll get with it.
24:22
Cassandra: Ok now did you say like, like.
24:26
Cassandra: In the beginning we were like well, I'm an introvert, you're like, I'm an introvert, like, so it's only two of us.
24:31
Cassandra: And he said, oh, just imagine how many introverts they are.
24:37
Stacey: Yeah, well, about half the world is introverted.
24:39
Stacey: It really is 50.
24:41
Stacey: But introverts are significantly underrepresented in senior leadership in corporations.
24:48
Stacey: Only two percent of senior executives identify as introverts, which is kind of crazy.
24:54
Stacey: Wow.
24:54
Stacey: And I think the other thing is, I think that people underestimate how many introverts there are is kind of crazy.
24:57
Stacey: And I think the other thing is, I think that people underestimate how many introverts there are in the world because many introverts and I used to be this way think they have to pretend to be extroverted.
25:07
Stacey: And so an introvert might say, oh, I need to go out to happy hour again, or I need to stay at networking cocktail hour until the end and meet as many people as possible, and someone might see me doing that in the room and they'll think, oh, wow, she must be extroverted.
25:25
Stacey: But meanwhile I am completely exhausted.
25:31
Stacey: Work the way an introvert would versus the way an introvert should do.
25:35
Stacey: It is pick a few people ahead of time, identify three people ahead of time, read up on them, learn about them, find them in the cocktail party room and have a conversation.
25:49
Stacey: And it's going to be a lot more successful for you to forge a relationship that's likely to lead to something without draining your energy.
25:56
Cassandra: Right, that's very good, because I, you know, being a mentor in corporate America, there were a lot of people that says, you know, cassandra, I really don't feel like going out with them.
26:08
Cassandra: You know we have to go to dinner, we have to do this, and I'm just not feeling that.
26:13
Cassandra: You know, and one of the things I used to say well, I call it, I call it networking, I also call it politics.
26:23
Stacey: So what I?
26:24
Cassandra: said is that you know if, in fact, you are looking to move up in the organization, that may be something you want to do, because they don't even know you, you know.
26:36
Cassandra: So, just listening to you it's kind of like, hmm, maybe individuals like that should research, like you indicated, who will be at the dinner.
26:45
Cassandra: You know so that you can figure out, you know what to say, find out they have kids, how the kids doing, or something you know to prepare themselves.
26:54
Cassandra: Because there are quite a few people that have confronted me.
26:58
Cassandra: This is I just don't want to do it.
27:01
Cassandra: I don't know how, but you've given a few things that they could do to prepare for that meeting.
27:08
Stacey: And then I've seen people fight overseas like I don't want to sit by him because he's going to you don't want to sit next to the extroverts because it's draining, right, those are the tough it is.
27:18
Stacey: It's both ways right.
27:19
Stacey: On the one hand, it's more draining.
27:20
Stacey: On the other hand, I feel like it takes the pressure off because they're going to carry the conversation, because that's what energizes them.
27:30
Cassandra: Yes, yes, and just to know that, and trying to get a word in, and you know it's maybe very difficult, maybe don't try so hard because then you're, you're, you deflate your, your ability, your, your self-doubt.
27:47
Cassandra: Like I didn't hear what I said.
27:48
Cassandra: So once I listening to you, you understand what an introvert is Number one.
27:52
Cassandra: It's not a bad word, doesn't mean you're a bad person.
27:55
Cassandra: An introvert is number one.
27:57
Cassandra: It's not a bad word, it doesn't mean you're a bad person.
27:58
Cassandra: Yeah, um, and I think you know, just knowing that, I think just being aware is just so helpful and always trying to think well, why am I like that?
28:06
Cassandra: Just, I would suggest they take the myers-briggs and I know they have other tests out here now um, that people could do to find out what their personality traits are right, are they more?
28:15
Cassandra: Yeah, and I can, I can help.
28:16
Stacey: There's the enneagram is another one that folks test out here now that people could do to find out what their personality traits are.
28:19
Stacey: Right.
28:19
Stacey: Are there more things?
28:21
Stacey: Yeah, and I can help.
28:22
Stacey: There's.
28:22
Stacey: The Enneagram is another one that folks use.
28:23
Stacey: Strengthsfinder is another one.
28:24
Stacey: I'm certified in Myers-Briggs and I'm happy I have an entry level program.
28:29
Stacey: If folks want to do their Myers-Briggs and have an introductory coaching session, I offer that.
28:34
Stacey: It's not a big investment For me.
28:40
Stacey: It changed my life.
28:41
Stacey: It was just.
28:41
Stacey: I read my Myers-Briggs report and it was like a window to my soul, because it's not just about your individual four letters, but the combination of those four letters, the way they interact, produces a report that's really nuanced in terms of how you get your energy, how you take in information, how you make decisions, how you engage with the world.
28:59
Stacey: It's really fascinating.
29:02
Cassandra: Let me ask you this is interesting.
29:04
Cassandra: Let's talk about relationships husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, whatever.
29:10
Cassandra: One's an introvert and the other is an extrovert.
29:14
Cassandra: Any studies that you've found does that work, or is it a such thing as work, or what do you think about that?
29:25
Stacey: My husband's an extrovert, I will say we have a very strong and happy marriage.
29:30
Stacey: I don't think there's a formula to it.
29:32
Stacey: I think, like with any personality characteristic, right, one spouse is neater, one spouse is messier, right, that kind of thing.
29:41
Stacey: I think you, the biggest thing is you learn about your partner's strengths and how you can benefit them, so to speak.
29:51
Stacey: So let's say, when we travel, he's the one who will ask the cab driver questions.
29:55
Stacey: I just want to sit in the back seat and, you know, look out the window and take it all in.
30:00
Stacey: Right, so I benefit from his extroversion in that way.
30:04
Stacey: And there are other instances as well.
30:06
Stacey: We'll be out at a social event.
30:07
Stacey: He's the one who'll take the lead on meeting new people, which is really nice.
30:13
Stacey: You know, and then you balance right.
30:15
Stacey: If, if, if one of your, if one partner is extroverted and likes to go out and be more social and one likes to stay in, you can um, you can compromise right, meet somewhere in the middle.
30:25
Stacey: Or maybe there are times where your spouse, your partner, socializes with their own friends without you, and you can have your your own time at home recharging, and you make it work exactly okay, okay, because I'm certain that's that's two introverts getting together.
30:40
Cassandra: They'd be like, well, can we do something, you know?
30:44
Stacey: So I it works too right.
30:47
Stacey: You, you adapt and you learn.
30:49
Stacey: You learn your partner's strengths and how they're wired, and over time you come to a happy medium how they're wired and over time you come to a happy medium.
31:02
Cassandra: Um, okay, that that sounds good.
31:04
Cassandra: That sounds really good.
31:04
Cassandra: Um, so, we were talking about there was a productive hacks for an introvert.
31:09
Stacey: Yes, what are those?
31:11
Stacey: So I have a guide.
31:13
Stacey: If you go to my website, ifactoringlifeshipcom, I have a guide called Daily Productivity Hacks for Introverts, and the idea is how do you achieve more with less stress?
31:23
Stacey: And I created this because most workplaces are designed with extroverts in mind, meaning that extroverts tend to be rewarded for their work and they're energized by the way workplaces are set up and days are structured.
31:38
Stacey: So, if you're in an onsite work uh, workplace, there are lots of, there are open office layouts, there are cubicles, there are expectations to um, if you want to go to the fridge or you want to get some water from the water cooler, you're engaging with other people.
31:53
Stacey: We typically have back-to-back meetings, in-person collaboration.
31:57
Stacey: It's really draining for introverts.
32:00
Stacey: It's energizing for extroverts.
32:03
Stacey: So I included a number of strategies that you can do to set up your workday and your workspace so that you're not drained in that way and you can be more productive.
32:11
Stacey: So I'll give you an example.
32:13
Stacey: One of the things I recommend is something called task batching, and task batching means that you block times of your day when you're going to engage in a certain type of work, and a certain type of work could be administrative, it could be creative, it could be strategic and focus on all the tasks that fall into that category for that period of time, to the extent that you can, rather than switching back and forth going between administrative, creative, strategic supervisory.
32:43
Stacey: All these things, yes, when we introverts, in particular, when we switch between these types, it tends to drain us more, yes, more energy.
32:53
Stacey: So batching you can eliminate that energy drain or at least reduce it significantly.
33:00
Cassandra: Wow, that's interesting because I remember working in corporate and I was responsible for a lot of people.
33:08
Cassandra: Yeah, and man, did I get drained?
33:11
Cassandra: And I was like, oh my gosh, you know, and I had to work hard but, listening to you, if I would have done certain things, things would have been better for me and not even drain.
33:25
Cassandra: But you get to a point where you burn out, you know, and you're not as effective or as productive.
33:33
Stacey: And you're not as effective or as productive.
33:34
Stacey: Introvert burnout is a big problem.
33:36
Stacey: It's a big issue and it leads to we get psychological symptoms, emotional symptoms, physical symptoms, and that's when our energy drain over time.
33:46
Stacey: Right In any given day, maybe you'll be more drained than energized, but if you have an energy deficit consistently over time, it leads to burnout, which has it can affect our health and yeah, exactly, and that that that was me, you know, like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, and then then some days, you know, just depends on what's going on.
34:08
Cassandra: But I just think this discussion, this conversation, is good for individuals that are stuck and thinking you know, this is a job, isn't for me.
34:17
Cassandra: I understand why I'm like.
34:21
Cassandra: I am not that it's a bad thing, but just that awareness really really helps a lot.
34:27
Cassandra: And I like the task batching.
34:29
Cassandra: I love that batching, I love that and that, even the opportunity that you would coach somebody a complimentary to see.
34:38
Cassandra: Okay, because I think in many instances I don't know who gets stuck the most.
34:43
Cassandra: I don't guess it matters, is it the introvert or extrovert, or depends on what it is that they want to do, or, you know, yeah, yeah.
34:51
Cassandra: So suppose somebody wants to do something different, but they're stuck and moving in their career.
34:59
Cassandra: Like you know, I'm done with this people to get unstuck, because a lot of times I think that we are in a society that we're not doing what it is that I believe we are ordained to do.
35:22
Cassandra: You know, we're doing this because we need the money.
35:25
Cassandra: We got a family and I get that, you know.
35:27
Cassandra: But how draining, how ineffective that could be, how how draining it could be just for living, you know, because life gets tough, you know no one's excluded from that.
35:39
Cassandra: What do you think or anything you can share with the listeners to help them get unstuck with these self-imposed barriers?
35:49
Stacey: Yeah, well, I think reflecting on your peak experiences, like we talked about earlier, is a good stepping stone for that.
35:54
Stacey: So think about maybe you're not in the type of job or the type of or exact career you want to be in, but I would guess that whatever career you're in, whatever job you're in, you've had some peak experiences.
36:06
Stacey: So when in those roles, did you feel great about your work?
36:09
Stacey: Did you feel like you were making a difference?
36:11
Stacey: Did you feel great about your work?
36:13
Stacey: Did you feel like you were making a difference?
36:14
Stacey: Did you feel like you had the opportunity to bring your, your gifts to to bear so that people could benefit from, from your strengths and your passions and and your experiences?
36:23
Stacey: And I think oftentimes, when you look at those, you're going to identify the type of work that you're that might make you a lot happier.
36:30
Stacey: So, for example, you're a great problem solver and you're that might make you a lot happier.
36:32
Stacey: So, for example, you're a great problem solver and you're currently working in customer service, which I don't think I'd ever want to do service and it's not.
36:42
Stacey: When you're looking at, you're like this is not how I want to be spending my life.
36:45
Stacey: But hey, I felt really good the other day when I was able to help a family when they had this issue when they were traveling, or I was able to help a family when they had this issue when they were traveling, or I was able to alleviate some conflict that was going on on my team and then to look for careers or jobs that will let you do that on a more regular basis.
37:06
Stacey: So maybe you're really good at connecting with people and helping them solve problems.
37:10
Stacey: Maybe a career in social work is right for you and you can think about that.
37:15
Stacey: So, to reflect on when have you felt great about what you've done, what you've contributed, and how can you find a job or career that lets you do more of that?
37:24
Cassandra: Right Now, when you this is my last question I'm thinking about you being a leadership development coach.
37:31
Cassandra: You aren't always a leadership development coach.
37:35
Cassandra: What inspired you to say I'm not going to do this anymore.
37:41
Cassandra: I'm going to be a leadership development coach?
37:43
Cassandra: What?
37:44
Cassandra: What was it that you've made up your mind?
37:46
Cassandra: This is what you want to do.
37:49
Stacey: I realized, um, so I went back to school and I got a master's in organizational development and leadership.
37:55
Stacey: And when I finished the program and I looked back on it, I realized that a common theme across the program was leading from a place of self-awareness.
38:04
Stacey: And I realized, right and so meaning that we need to know our strengths, our shortcomings, know what your motivations are, your goals, your passions.
38:14
Stacey: That's when you're going to be the most powerful I don't mean powerful like dictatorial, but influential and satisfied and an effective leader.
38:25
Stacey: That's when you're going to really reach your peak.
38:27
Stacey: And I thought I spent so many years, decades, really thinking that my introversion was a shortcoming and once I had that self-awareness that it was actually a gift, doors opened up for me.
38:42
Stacey: And when I finished this program and I had that realization, I decided I want to help other people who are introverted come to that realization a whole lot sooner than I did in my life who are?
38:53
Stacey: introverted, come to that realization a whole lot sooner than I did in my life, that they're not wasting years, wasting decades lamenting that they're introverted, trying to be something they're not, but tapping into their strengths so that they can find their happiness, their true place in life, their sweet spot, a whole lot sooner than I did.
39:11
Cassandra: Wow, that's great.
39:11
Cassandra: Yeah, wow, great advice.
39:15
Cassandra: Tidbits, nuggets yeah.
39:18
Cassandra: How can my listeners get in touch with you?
39:21
Stacey: They can find me at ifactorleadershipcom and if you go there, there's a link to schedule a free 30 minute introvert career strategy call.
39:30
Stacey: They can also learn about I have an online program.
39:34
Stacey: A lot of introverts like to learn on their own, not with other people, so I have an on-demand program called the introverts leadership formula that guides introverts to become more powerful and confident communicators to prevent burnout, Like we talked about how do you actually ask for a raise, a, a promotion, a new job, in ways that make it hard for someone to say no and it's all rooted in your strengths?
40:00
Stacey: all of these things are how can you tap into the best of who you are as an introvert and all around human, to uh, to be more successful, get the recognition that you've earned and be happier in your job and life?
40:14
Cassandra: Oh, that's beautiful.
40:15
Cassandra: That's beautiful, the show notes.
40:18
Cassandra: What was it that you want me to make sure I put in the show notes?
40:22
Stacey: I'm going to give you a meeting playbook for introverts and strategies to have your voice heard and your ideas shine.
40:30
Stacey: Okay, I will also give you we were talking about networking and conferences.
40:35
Stacey: I have a conference survival guide that has a number of strategies folks can use when you're going to a conference, when you're planning to network.
40:42
Stacey: How can you do all these things in ways that are not going to drain your energy and are going to help you to make impactful connections with people that you can back home and and grow from, and and and use in your work?
40:56
Cassandra: Right and all that's on your website it is yeah, those links to those downloads are.
41:03
Stacey: They're going to be added to my website shortly, so I'll give you the direct links, okay.
41:07
Cassandra: Perfect, perfect Cause.
41:08
Cassandra: I want to definitely make sure that that goes in the show notes.
41:12
Cassandra: Well, you have definitely blessed me with a lot of information in regards to my personality and I am, and I'm certain that many of our listeners as well, and I encourage you listeners to re-listen to this podcast.
41:30
Cassandra: It was a lot of information.
41:32
Cassandra: To re-listen to this podcast, it was a lot of information and if you know of someone that has this challenge or this opportunity, share it with them that you believe this will be in their best best interest.
41:42
Cassandra: And Stacey again, I am so appreciative that you were a guest on my podcast, particularly because it spoke to me a whole lot and, and I guess I learned when I'm supposed to learn.
41:57
Cassandra: You know, I I'm like I'm not gonna beat myself up because that's how it was, but I love what you said about your being aware, awareness, leadership.
42:06
Cassandra: That's a powerful thing.
42:08
Cassandra: Once you can become aware, a whole lot can change.
42:12
Stacey: Yep, yep, very powerful, critical first step.
42:14
Stacey: This was such a pleasure, cassandra, to speak with you.
42:16
Stacey: Thank you, thank you.
42:18
Cassandra: And my listeners, as I always say.
42:20
Cassandra: Bye for now.
42:21
Cassandra: God bless and we will.
42:23
Cassandra: You'll see me soon.
42:25
Cassandra: Bye for now.