Latest / Voices for Voices® / She Carried the Shame for 30 Years | Now Ellen's Demanding Justice | Episode 490

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She Carried the Shame for 30 Years | Now Ellen's Demanding Justice | Episode 490 · Voices for Voices®

• 0:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Hi everyone, it's Justin here in Voices for Voices.
• 0:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of the show.
• 0:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, this is episode number 490, so we are uh 10 episodes from a total portfolio count of 500.
• 0:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And we can't do this without you, without your demand, without you watching and listening.
• 0:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, we do have this huge goal of wanting to reach and help 3 billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond, and we're well on our way.
• 0:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So thank you, everybody's watching, listening, whether you're here in the United States or uh in one of the 111 countries uh that our show has reached thus far.
• 0:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, if you could do us a big favor, uh give us a big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, repost, that would be very helpful for us to continue on that journey of helping uh all the people that we can, and at least uh have them hear stories that may help them rethink that hey, I can do this, I don't have to sit on the sidelines, I can I can give it a try.
• 1:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Here's somebody with you know the mental challenges that I'm I'm dealing with on a day-to-day basis, but we all are dealing with things whether we want to believe it or not.
• 1:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's you know, neither here nor there.
• 1:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um, if you can also follow us on social media, uh that would be helpful.
• 1:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, our TikTok is uh it it's uh it was banned for um uh I don't know, we had 600 followers.
• 1:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're using the First Amendment.
• 1:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh we're sharing our voice, and we had guests just like today, me sharing uh their their voices.
• 2:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh so somehow, somewhat we got banned.
• 2:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Have a good idea of how that that came to be.
• 2:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh so we're in a restart mode on TikTok, but you uh we talk about you know Instagram and and and Facebook, mostly Instagram, uh, that uh we uh we keep everybody up to date with uh what's what's going on.
• 2:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh we're a little bit behind on posting on social media because episodes are we're just knocking out episodes left and right.
• 2:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh like I said, we're now at episode 490.
• 2:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So uh we're we're we're taking things that are uh uh it they're they're both important to get it on social media as well as filming the shows, but uh we're we're using the filming of the shows um to get out to the masses faster than what social media has done for us.
• 3:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Social media is extra helpful for us, uh, but when uh when we have content to share, uh we we kind of go in the direction of sharing that content because it's important and needs to get out there.
• 3:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so, as you know, you can watch us on our YouTube channel, our rumble channel, and as far as audio goes, anything from Spotify to Apple to Google to iHeart, uh, we're we're everywhere.
• 3:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, so thank you for that.
• 3:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And also one last thing before we get started with our guest Ellen today, is that if uh if you're able to, uh if you're able to uh reach out to maybe 25 contacts in your phone and let them know about voices for voices and the voices for voices TV show and podcast, uh Voices for Voices, I founded the the main foundation and main pillars uh are mental health, uh recovery, uh just sharing voices.
• 4:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh so I started after my mental health recovery started in 2017.
• 4:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, but we don't we don't care uh we're more about culture and people on the human level than we are on uh what people see on the outside level uh as far as uh you know certain demographics, because as we know, everybody has something going on, whether we believe it or not.
• 4:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And uh one of our biggest believers uh that had a pleasure of uh meeting uh just recently and am glad that had the opportunity to do so is our our guest Ellen.
• 5:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh she is uh she's she's a survivor, which be speaking about.
• 5:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh and she is also a mom of uh an autistic child.
• 5:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And uh just for all the people out there that uh feel like it's okay to poke fun at people for any reason, uh really, uh, but with it being Autism Awareness Month, uh extra uh emphasis on this area where people are feeling the need to poke fun at people, like, oh, they have autism.
• 5:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, I have autism, I don't have it.
• 5:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um I'm on, I guess, the lower side of the spectrum with lights and sounds and uh uh other things that are uh where I kind of fall on on the spectrum.
• 6:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So uh it's just it it's just not a good thing to do.
• 6:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I mean, I think as we grow up, we should be maturing.
• 6:11
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Some of us actually do mature, uh, some of us don't.
• 6:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And uh I I would just ask kindly if anybody is watching and listening and you are poking fun at somebody, uh, whether it's autism, whether it's a speech impediment, I I don't care what it is, I would just ask you to turn the channel, turn uh the station, uh, because we don't we do want to help and reach 3 billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond.
• 6:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But what we don't want, I don't want followers, uh I don't want people watching and and listening.
• 6:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I mean, we'll take the views and the downloads, we'll take those numbers.
• 6:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh but I I don't want to have people that are uh following and all that.
• 7:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um when when you you think that something like this is you know we can poke fun at people.
• 7:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I don't care what your age is, if it's 18, 48, 78, uh, we should you know be treating people with respect.
• 7:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I don't care if you're a Democrat, Republican, I don't care uh political uh uh where where we fall there.
• 7:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So a little bit of a longer intro, um, but uh we're gonna get to our our guest, Ellen.
• 7:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So Ellen, thank you so much for joining us on the show today.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: You're welcome.
• 7:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah, and it is amazing, unfortunately, that uh survivors of just about anything tend in our society for whatever reason to not be not just not listened to.
• 8:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I think some people, as we've discussed off camera, uh people will listen, but the amount of people who actually will actually use their authority and actually help survivors, uh, whether that is uh you know funding, whether that is uh bringing people to justice that uh did uh the uh the the awful awful things.
• 8:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so Ellen will jump into kind of her story, her experiences with abuse, and all the way up uh to what uh we're we're dealing with uh as our viewers and our audience uh listeners uh know uh far too well about our uh the the law lawsuit that uh we are uh in uh at the point where uh we're we're we're just moving forward one one foot at a time.
• 9:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh so Ellen, you can take it away.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, like he said, we all got problems.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: We're all dealing with something that we try to keep hidden, and that's the problem.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: We cannot keep hiding it.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: We need to let people know that stuff does happen, and it is possible that it happens, and we need to quit being ashamed of it because we don't we did not do anything to deserve it.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: I was 14 and raped.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was not bullied, I was more or less felt like it was my fault that I deserved what happened to me.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: And like you said, it's political wits in a small town, money got away with what happened to me.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I still deal with it.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I always will, I guess.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um but it hurts when you're not believed that it can happen.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I've argued with so many people of well why is it now that we hear about more we hear now that kids are missing and back then we didn't.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's not because it didn't happen, it's because back then we didn't have electronic stuff, Facebook, news, just different outlets to find out all this stuff.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: We're just hearing it more now.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and like I said, I'm a proud mother of an autistic child, and he's very smart.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so proud on how much he's done in his lifetime already.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um I adopted him, but he's lost his mom and dad both more or less in different ways.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um I try to tell him if someone says something negative, don't let it but bother ya.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Keep fighting, keep showing them how strong you are, how smart you are.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because they are smart, they're not retarded, they're not stupid, they're far from that, and it breaks my heart that people can even say stuff like that because they don't deserve it.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um myself, I've got a speech problem.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of words I cannot say or pronounce it like it should be pronounced, and it's hard.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: I let my childhood destroy my life.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: I went from being an addict, I didn't care if I lived or died, I drunk, I did drugs, I just I gave up on life because I felt like no one bleed.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: What happened to me?
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I I find it, I see a therapist, and like he says, I've got PTSD bigger than crap, and we're trying different medicines to help with depression and stuff, and it's hard.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: You don't make fun of someone's lifestyle.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: You don't you don't know what someone goes through until you walk in their shoes.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Don't judge people, listen.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Help us get the word out, but help us spread of what's really going on is still going on and people are turning your backs.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Don't if it's just one more listener listening to help us show that this stuff is happening, we made a difference, and it takes and if we have to speak every day just to get one more, then we're doing something right.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um I still live in a sm well, kind of small town, a little bit bigger than where I grew up, and it's and it's it's it's scary for me.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: There's days I can't walk outside because I feel like people are looking at me and judging me.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Even though they don't know my past, they just know from where I've been here for ten years.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um I try to this is hard.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um I try to keep fighting for not only me but my son.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't want him to ever give up like I did.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: I want him to keep growing and knowing that, hey look, someone fought for me.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm special.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: And he is special.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: We might not have blood going through each other, but he's still mine, and I would not stand back and let anyone talk crap about autistic because they are special, they are loved, they are needed, they are wanted, and it's hard for them to trust anybody, but once they trust, they trust with the whole heart.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I let him know, even though he's a male, rape is rape, rape can happen to female and male.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I do it because I don't want anything happening to him like it did me.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: There was four people that could have stopped what happened to me.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: And they all turned their back on me.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I love it every day, I wish.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: I guess the pain goes away somewhat, but the scars are always there.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm and I'm and I'm sick of being quiet.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sick of acting like it didn't happen.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to speak up now.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it's took me 30 years to probably be able to speak up about it.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want anyone else to go through what I went through and try to keep it quiet and not let it happen.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because if maybe I spoke out more in my past, he got away with murder, raping other women, and I still blame myself for that for not speaking up because it maybe if I spoke louder, that one woman was still been here.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: The other woman went and got raped.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it said that I'm the one that's on the guilt while he's walking around like nothing.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um the older I get.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: I I stand my grams.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: I speak loud.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: I you cannot just stay quiet.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta speak loud, you gotta let people know.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is happening.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: We've got to protect our children, we gotta protect our friends, our family, even a stranger.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know what someone's going through.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the world is cruel.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a big part of this world that wouldn't be cruel if we stood together and hold our grounds and let people know this is happening.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: Please help us spread the word out.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's the only way we're gonna be able to stop it.
• 19:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah, and I believe uh as I I know you do, if you're uh you have a choice uh to be if you're not part of if you don't want to be part of the solution and listen and take action on things that are by moral ethics by itself and then laws that are in place for these very things when they do occur to bring people to justice.
• 19:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you're not part of uh you don't want to be part of the solution and you don't want to listen or watch, then you're part of the problem.
• 19:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So you have a choice, you have a choice.
• 19:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And uh I I got uh a lot of backlash from and this was probably a probably a year ago, one of one of the guests we had on um, you know, we were just having we're doing our show, we're just conversing, and I brought up the fact that you know that I that I have autism and you know less to less of a degree than others, but none the nonetheless I I I do have it, and the the guest asked me uh well when and when did you find out this?
• 20:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I said, Well, when I was well in our 2017 was when I landed in the hospital voluntarily, and uh, you know, from then and they're like and so the guest was like, Well, you know, that you know, you should have been diagnosed so much earlier.
• 21:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I and I was thinking, okay, maybe, but I I grew up in the the 80s, and there wasn't the they didn't have the experts back then.
• 21:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm like, I I wish I would have known, I'm sure my parents would have wished, but I I don't I am very and I think it's inherited.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people disagree with me.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: You've got your opinion, but I think it's inherited because his dad I swear I think his dad had autistic I and I even think like depression, like Oh yes, that's definitely yeah.
• 21:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah, so it made me kind of feel bad because I'm like, well, they're like, Well, you need to go to, you know, basically go.
• 22:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: you know your next you know psychiatrist appoint you need to go and you know ask them and and see if it it if if they're sure and it made me feel bad because I'm like okay so do I not have it do I and um it and and so I mean it was a pleasant interview other than that part but it's that when we talk about things that we remember like selective things for whatever reason whether you know we talked before off camera about you know whether it's a song whether it's an event whether it's whether like so many things come into play and bring up um experiences in in the past some good some bad some not good not just kind of that they are what they they are a certain song comes on it's like oh my gosh that was that was uh you know one of my exes and we were you know and I'm talking like 20 years ago like stuff like how does my how does my mind even do that how does the human brain do that and I'll have to say this just a not just about every autistic person I I've met from kids up to adults have been I mean I not that I like can judge IQ or anything uh but I feel are some of the smartest people some of the most able to focus on a particular task so there might be like three or four things going on well if you ask them to work on one thing well that's what they're gonna work on they're gonna work on that one thing and some people might be like well you're ignoring me and it's like no I'm actually focusing do you want to go into surgery and have the doctor all over the place or do you want that doctor to be focused in on whatever the procedure is and that's what my first therapist out of the hospital told me he said you would be surprised how many doctors and attorneys and well we'll we'll leave the the attorneys out for for for our discussion um for obvious reasons but um it and I said yeah like that act that that makes sense that um because I was trying to explain it to people where between the depression and the ADHD and and the autism and all the things I have um I got just about everything and you know I'll be working on something and if somebody's you know trying to get my attention and I'm in the middle of working on something I might not hear them ask me.
• 25:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's not because I mean sometimes it you know right that we we have selective listening but for the most part if somebody's asking something like in another room and you're working on something and you're so zoned in which is what the medication and what the therapy for me has helped me with like that's the thing it's like that that's why you want those doctors to be uh and and multiple other professions you want them to be all zoned in it's like if I'm gonna pay money for something just like if I take my car in to get repaired I went in and this has been many years ago and this is a perfect example I I I took it in I my my battery was dead I got it towed uh took it into and I'll say it the because it was the act actual fact it was a Firestone dealership not a Firestone deal it wasn't a dealership it was a Firestone location and um and so they said oh you know you need a new battery it's whatever the price is and I'm like well I got I need my car for work so yeah I I need it so they go and they do the work I pay for it I get the receipt and everything well the very next day the same light comes on so I drive in to I was able to I didn't have to get a tow the second day so I go into the Firestone uh establishment and with my paperwork and I said I brought they're like oh well we just did our diagnostics and you need a new battery and I said oh is that so and I said um look in your system I was just in here yesterday you said you put the battery in there um and so I went out to the glove box I bring the paperwork in show that I paid and they're like oh we're so sorry and so I I use that as an example of okay not that the person whatever that was going on uh they weren't focusing so whatever they were dealing with that day I mean maybe they were going through relationship trouble I mean I I don't even know I don't even care what I care about is if I'm gonna come and spend money and you're gonna tell me oh you're good to go and then the very next day or the very next minute um so to come back to our discussion yeah I want somebody who is focused and who is working on what they are and that's that's frankly how why we have so many episodes I just said you know what and the one thing that I can do with very little I mean there's software and that for editing and that but but to actually do the show it is relatively easy to do uh as far as getting set up and putting the webcam on and and and and to do that and I'm like this like you said at the very beginning Alan you said if only one person one new person what the watches listens to the show that's one more person or one less person that would have to potentially go through something that may be on the edge and literally I I think of the third eye blind song jumper like you know bringing the person off the ledge that there could be and there probably are unfortunately people that are like hey I I've had it like the the world doesn't need me I don't I I can't do anything and what we're we're doing and with you being on our show uh is making sure that we're at least giving people the opportunity if they want to watch and listen it's up to them um but we're giving as much content as much diversity in the content uh with uh backgrounds and being a survivor and then being an advocate and then as we've talked about before also is we're not talking just about our children our relatives we're talking about all children so that's that's kind of a a a big thing that some people kind of overlook they're like well you know justin he's he's talking about you know his children and then that one child um and uh it and I'm like well yeah of course you know we we we want safety security say uh healthy prosperity whatever that means um and it doesn't have to be money i mean it can just be like you know having a healthy relationship where you know you're you're telling your child you know good job and you know showing up when when uh there's different things going on um and and and one less person that has to deal that might now understand that they can reach out in that it might be not the first person that they reach out to that makes the difference that like you mentioned Alan they have you have to share your voice and I I look at it like sorry to keep reading these analogies but Thomas Edison and the light bulb and all that so it took him over 10 000 I I have no feelings one way or another about him um but it took him over 10 000 tries to get the light bulb to work well if he didn't take 10 000 tries we wouldn't we potentially might not have you know light bulbs and it in that and so if we don't as uh a survivor it might take just more than one try to get someone to listen but I'm not gonna give up yeah and just think about the people that we don't know that we're we're touching and I think that the that's probably more important well they're all important but it's you know you I've always heard you know like oh it's the silent people you got to watch out for um I mean all around I mean it's like okay the person's taking everything in they might think they're not listening you might think that they're just yeah like yeah they might be quiet and I'm an introvert and I would never would have thought I was an introvert till my psychiatrist told me because I'm like I teach classes in front of students and groups and we the the things we do with our organization and uh and I learned that you know we could we can be to ourselves for a lot of the time but then we can you know at certain times uh we can be like an extrovert like where we're sociable but if you take me and put me in a room with 50 people that I don't know um I'm gonna go probably just uh I don't I don't drink alcohol anymore so I'm probably gonna go get sparkling water or just water or pop or soda and I'm probably just gonna go sit at a table.
• 33:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like I I'm not the person that can go into conversations like that and people go that's crazy and I said no that's just my that's just my life that's my personality and and here for so many years I thought I was weird.
• 33:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I thought I was like goofy because I'm like well um I I I put myself in these situations to try to like get past that and I can't and even to this day if you put me put me in a room with even like two other people or one other person I'm probably just gonna like I might say hi to them but I'm not gonna sit there and strike up a conversation but when it is something I'm passionate about like what we're talking about and what we're doing and and continuing to do then like the real I think the real me uh uh is what what's coming out whereas before it it was taking me substances and most for me it was mostly alcohol um to to lower my barriers to talk to somebody uh right uh it's uh like you said I mean we gotta just keep keep talking we just need to keep sharing we need to you know just let people know that they're not alone I mean as silly as that phrase sounds like there's some people that are trying to just make money off of it and aren't actual like you know there's celebrities there's people out there and I'm not saying they don't have you know mental challenges or uh others but it it's interesting how when there's buzzwords and things are going on that you know some celebrities come out of the woodwork and all of a sudden you know because the limelight's on them they'll come out and they'll talk about it uh but they won't talk about it when it's not it's people like us uh people like us that have to carry that torch because nobody else is on a day-to-day basis yep uh and it's sad I mean to be able to speak out about it or not it should have nothing to do on money on if we're rich or poor if you get away speak don't let them get away with it don't let them do it again to someone else and I've learned that the hard way I've thought okay I just gotta keep my mouth shut and it's sad I mean the guy that raped me it was like five years after he did what he did and got away with it and like I said I live in a very lived in a very small town at that time and it was very small and I seen him at the gas station he was with his cousin and he looked at his cousin ooh I'd like to get a hold of that and I'm just thinking are you kidding me and his cousin looked at the that's a girl that accused you no I didn't accuse you I spoke that of what you did there's no accusing it was that I even passed a holograph test which is just crazy that you even I mean we talk about it's crazy that you even had to do that first off given the situation and then you did pass it so like you you really went over two humongous hurdles uh and people still didn't really believe you did they no I was a poor little girl he had the name and money people don't realize they think oh well you were ugly or why would he done that to you and he could have this and that it's not about the sex it's about control and that's where people get mixed up well he could have this why would he want you had nothing to do with that it all had to do with control most rapists is not out on what you look like or anything it's part of control you were weak he could smell that you were weak and he took the control yeah I mean you kinda not that we want to put ourselves in the mind of these individuals uh but it's like what are you thinking not you but like him like what what do you think like what how how are things justified in a person like that's mine to go oh yeah this is there's nothing wrong with this right and when they know they can get away with it they keep going right so there's other surviv there's other hopefully survivors I mean that's the end I'm sorry I know he did it like I said it's not only women that we get ready it's men and our kids don't have voices either kids I will speak I will scream I will shout I will do whatever I need to do to protect my little one and that's the part where uh uh I mean there's different terms or uh one of the one of our guests she uh lives in Australia uh that part doesn't really matter but um she uh went through a lot of trauma in in the workplace with having you know basically being talked down and being taken serious I mean just very similar things uh and she's talked about that most of society for the reason that could be they don't want to get involved they they just walk walk by right like you said others do that that's like the bystander effect that there can be you know somebody getting bad things done to them and there be people just walking by walking by walking by and nobody sometimes maybe one person would step in and because the others are like well I don't want to get involved with that I'm gonna be asked to be a witness and and so they've already taken it out of their mind and and so we don't need as as she said we don't need more bystanders that are walking by and pretending it didn't happen and we need upstanders that are going to stand up like you and others uh that yeah that that aren't aren't gonna you're not gonna walk by a situation if something's happening to somebody you're gonna like you said you're gonna make your voice known you'll do whatever you can and I think the world I I don't think I know the world needs more people like you that will do that and are not gonna stand by you're gonna stand up yep which is what you're doing right now by the way like you that and I that's why I'm grateful to have you on on the show is because you are standing up for a lot of people in the across the board across the country and believe it or not across the world oh yeah and it's sad that people are just don't how do I put it this generation I mean we grew up in a generation where we went through hell I mean we went allowed in a house to like I'm pork drink out of water hoses we were generation X for a reason now my question is what the hell happen with the newer generation and that's the that's the thing is that you you you mentioned at the uh a little bit at the outset about you know let l electronics and and that i it i know for me uh learning you know the bad things that happen that you know it doesn't matter what neighborhood doesn't matter if there's a gate no gate it it it it doesn't matter uh but i i remember when you said drinking out of the the the water hose and right being out in the w with the neighbor kids don't like whether it's sports or whatever it's like and and now it it's it's so bad where you know just somebody next door we have a small lot just a house next door like we gotta have like and not that it'll protect every single thing but we we just keep try to keep a close eye on our children and this and and we're talking like minutes like we're not talking like hey come back like in two hours or come back when it's bigger I mean it's like I gotta look out the door to make sure my child is where they said they were supposed to be right and like I said I've argued with so many people about well we didn't have this problem about right the stuff when we were kids yes we did only difference is now we've got TikTok we got Facebook we've got so much more places to hear stuff about this news I mean it's just more outlet that's out there that's able to tell us this is going on but it was going on when we were kids it's just we didn't have the electronic stuff that we do now and and w with with that it's we live in a society that I mean and I'm guilty of this sometimes we all are I know where you're getting out on this one we all are yeah I mean I like I I'm looking at like numbers like we we've been obsessed with numbers and clicks and likes and and that's with these news organizations and and and whether you're on TikTok or or like even our show it's like I'll look you know several times a day to see how many downloads like which which shows have the most and um and all these things and and it's like you're con I'm constantly trying to outdo the the last show or the like the number like oh well a hundred got downloaded within a week of this one so I need I I would like 101 of the next one and these north news organizations the the really prominent ones that have captivating audience audiences all each and every night it pays to talk about the negative stuff it's so right it's so rare to talk about people doing things that are right that are good um and and that's that's part of the problem and electronics is kind of like a bad thing but good thing it's a good thing and it's sad that it has to be that way certainly certainly I mean I I made this comment more than once our damn problem we rely on electronics way too much amend to that I know I do I mean it's but we're all beauty but that's why they make it where we have to see what's going on is like doctor's appointment reminder you just do that on your phone you can't just write down a piece of paper and say okay they are they know I'm coming no you have to be on your electronics so they know yeah I mean it it's like with the Super Bowl it used to be like where that that was where you know these and it still is the most watched event worldwide and so you have these huge companies they know they're gonna have the most captive audience for at least a little bit if every single year and like the small organizations like ours and and others like I I can't compete with with you know six million dollars or ten million dollars for a 30 second ad and and they know that and so they they're able to push whatever uh whatever messaging that they they want whatever new product or service or um but the relationship I message to people if you're new in here and you're wondering what are these people talking about think of it this way we're trying to protect kids our kids are not for sale and right I mean they're trafficking and they're straight out right look at it this way you want to close your eyes and act like you didn't see it but think of it this way what if that was your daughter is happening to are you still gonna close that eye you still gonna turn your back on it yeah and unfortunately with with with uh you know the way the mainstream media and all and all the different things that are going on the the family unit um is looked down upon and so unfortunately there's a lot of family there's a lot of parents I mean you I say that loosely uh because I mean I think you shouldn't be able to you should have to have a driver you should have some have to go through some classes to do something to be a parent and because the some of these parents and I even I even see just uh being uh uh a a dad to a younger person where you know the the different friends and different people in the neighborhood and that where certain parents allow certain things not that uh I mean hasn't gotten to that yet that I I know of but just because you know somebody um you know that their child it you know come like they come over and then they want to listen to certain music and it's like no I don't want I don't want you to I don't want my child to listen to that music and it's like well but I you know I do and she does and and I'm like I know but then I I don't really go ahead yeah it's like don't worry about it like there's this whole you probably know it's like this K pop where basically takes songs that are played on the radio which are paid for by big labels paying these radio stations to play the the songs and they turn them in the the kids song so it's the same music the same beat they just might modify some words with with kids and right just uh it was probably just a week ago uh one of one of my child's friends came over and uh they were I forget what they were doing I think they were playing in a bounce house they were doing something and and he was said he wanted to and he's also a year older than my child too so the developments a year ahead um and so he he plays his songs and then he goes oh I'm gonna play it was it's that shabbuzi song the bar song and um and the words with the k-pop for the kids they don't don't say I have a problem they don't know I have a history with Jack Daniel whatever that line is he goes it goes oh I'm playing the regular song and I'm like you're eight years old and you're playing that and you're that means that you found it somehow which right your parents let that happen whether they showed you or not it's not that it's the fact that they know that you're doing that and I'm like I do not want my child to turn out to be you know what you know uh I'm not gonna be able to say the words here on here but um you know the neighborhood you know fill in the blank you know when they grow up where it's like oh you know he or she or you know they're the you know the one they're the ones that you know you can you know fill in the blanks and get get the idea and it's like this is how it starts it doesn't start when they're just 13 14 15 it starts way ahead so these these songs these uh you know these you know call them parents okay so like I said say it loosely but uh unfortunately it's it's people that I'd say they did people that have kids because not all are true parents uh that that I don't want to say they don't care but again as we've said multiple times if you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem and I don't care if it's you think it's cute that they're you know the this song or that I nothing's cute to me when when stuff that we're we've seen and we've heard about and that we're experiencing personally and that you've experienced personally it's not cute when those things happen like it's just not because we live with the scars that's exactly right the scars re the scars remain uh you know the the thought at that very second future seconds might not be there but then that's how when we were talking about like different songs and different experiences different smells uh different you know being it's different parts of uh you know the house or the condo or whatever whatever that that bring back memories and some are good some are bad and uh and then people go well that was you know 20 years ago or whatever it the mind doesn't forget that was the one thing that I I learned right out of the hospital was stress and anxiety the brain doesn't know the difference between good stress and bad stress so if it's a good stress like oh there's this thing that's coming up that I'm gonna be part of and I'm gonna be able to do something and it it's kind of like a dream in a way uh there's stress that way but then yeah there's also and that's good stress of like you know being a little bit nervous and anxious about it like oh my gosh I'm gonna uh go on this TV show and there and all that and I've always wanted to do it or whatever the thing is and then there's the things that aren't good that it's like all right like should I do this or shouldn't I um and and and the body processes the stress the same way so it's it's trauma no matter what whether it's a good or bad like the brain it is I don't want to say we have we're we're new pet owners but so we have a a tiny dog and um and it's it's like she doesn't know the difference between like she she knows I'm hungry I gotta go to the bathroom like I want to go for a walk.
• 57:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: She does she's not able to she knows like if we we head out and we have to put her in her kennel that like okay well I'm going here like not knowing what like how long it's gonna be is it gonna be like two minutes is it gonna be a two day I'm gonna do for two days what is it going to be all day um and so I think of it like like that where our brains are kind of like that that in the the I don't want to say the dumbed down version like the uh you probably remember uh because we're around the the same age the uh the like people would want the cliff notes of books during school so it's like I don't I don't want to read the books it and so it'd be the cliff notes and then it would then there's these topics and say like learn how to do this for dummies or whatever and it's supposed to help you learn how to do something um it's like that's that's how our our our brains are they're they're very I'm say old school and yet we're being treated with with the electronics and in the the blue screens and uh I'll throw this in in here um from from being a uh my my teaching time at the the local university that Netflix their CEO Reed Hastings they talk about you know these organizations like like Coca-Cola says well you know our main competitor is Pepsi and Pepsi says my main competitor is Coca-Cola well the main competitor of Netflix is sleep so it makes sense that they're putting product available the like the blue screen and all that like with the phones like it's meant to make us addicted to the screen and so for Netflix it's like oh well if you're sleeping you can't be watching Netflix and it's like if you're sleeping you can't be you know on whatever app or playing a game or or or all that and I find it even the most the most interesting that Tim Cook from Apple I guess he's resigning soon not that that matters he so he's he's been the CEO after Steve Jobs and he said he he doesn't have any kids of his own but he has nephews and I think nieces he said he'll never let them get on social media and here's the person who is the person who runs one of the biggest phone manufacturers in the world right saying that so like that should tell us something that like there's gotta be a reason why otherwise I mean what I would think that he would he would be utilizing it as much as the next person and I I think that I think that's that can be a little bit of an analogy from you know what we've been talking about where people will it's do as I say not as I do it's like I'm gonna I'm gonna have this position and it's gonna be of authority and I'm gonna be able to tell people to do this and that and the other this and the other um but I'm gonna do something different because I'm I'm above what you know I'm telling you like it's like you're dumb you're stupid like I'm not and it's like no that it's like well why you you should be all the same like if you're working at an organization or whatever you're doing everybody's like you said yesterday you know everybody puts their pants on the same way you know one leg at a time absolutely um we're getting close to the end of our time unfortunately at least for this episode uh is there lasting uh messages that you wanna share that we get make sure we think I always say if it's just one person that we got to listen to us one more person just keep on fighting every day until we're saying put yourself in that position put yourself in that was your daughter or son Please don't turn your back anymore please all we got is each other it don't matter Democrat Republican it doesn't matter we're all humans we all put our pains in the same way let's help each other out stop hurting each other and let's start helping I couldn't agree more um if you're comfortable um because you are such a strong advocate if you want to share your TikTok so if anybody's watching and listening um has TikTok which I imagine there's probably some people to do um that you know they could you know get connected with you uh if if they would they would like yes I'm I Autism Mama Bear 77 okay yeah autism mama bear 77 um one of the strongest advocates that I've I've met in a very long time there there are others but uh it's been it it's all it's all hard and like you said you just have to have that belief in yourself that if there's one less person that has to go through this or maybe they could maybe somebody see something sees some signs and a friend or a sister or a brother or uh maybe they can they can reach in and and and help out uh to get that get them help and get them away from a situation to uh it's it's so imperative that we do it we we only got uh I mean I I'm a believer uh but we only got one shot in this life I mean so it if again if we're if we're not gonna be part of the solution uh then we're part of the problem and I know that might rub some people the wrong way uh but like I said there's a lot of options a lot of a lot of podcasts out there so I I would just kindly ask that you turn us off and turn a different show on that has more of your belief structure because uh that's just it it it's just common sense and uh but it's I guess it's not as common as uh we thought it used to be um so Ellen thank you so much uh I mean it's it's it's it's it's disheartening but yet it's refreshing to have your perspective uh because so many people think they're above everything and like I I don't have to deal with this.
• 1:05:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm I'm a somebody and well we're all a somebody and we all should get the same protections and uh you know as we we talked about last night or or I did I mean, yeah, we have free of freedom of speech, so we're we're allowed to share our experiences.
• 1:06:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So what you have shared and what you continue to share is facts as best as you remember.
• 1:06:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So you have that right to to share that.
• 1:06:20
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And the same thing with us and our show and the things uh you know we're we're we're doing with uh mythical creatures and and David and and others.
• 1:06:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um you know, we're you might not like what we're talking about.
• 1:06:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's okay.
• 1:06:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I make choices.
• 1:06:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If I don't like what somebody's saying, I just turn it off.
• 1:06:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like it's never been that's that's probably one of the the greatest parts about technology is we can press that off button and the TV turns off.
• 1:06:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I can shut my laptop, I can turn my ringer off and put my phone in another room until I want to look look at it, or I can just find a different show.
• 1:07:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um, and so we we don't want bystanders, we want upstanders like Ellen, and we want to again thank her for being on the show, being an advocate, and look out, reach out, um, connect with her on TikTok.
• 1:07:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh yes, very awesome.
• 1:07:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not to let you go.
• 1:07:28
  SPEAKER_00: I've got a very important phone call coming in, babe.
• 1:07:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yep.
• 1:07:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Nope, we're we're good.
• 1:07:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So thank you for thank you for joining us, and we'll see you on the next episode of the show.
• 1:07:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Bye bye for now.
• 1:07:42
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.