Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #779 Parental Guidance Recap - How Safe Are Your Kids Online?

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#779 Parental Guidance Recap - How Safe Are Your Kids Online? · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: answers Now.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: Well, Kylie, last night we finally, we finally got to
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: see what I've been getting so excited about for I
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: feel like it's been a year now. It has been
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: season two of Bradle Guidance. Episode one. It was on
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: the TV channel nine. If you missed it, watch out.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: There are spoilers all through this podcast episode. You can
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: catch up on the nine now app. Hopefully, though, you
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: got to see it, and we're going to talk about
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: it a lot in this podcast episode.
• 0:34
  Speaker 4: Kylie, first question for you, first impressions of the show.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: You've just watched an episode. How are you feeling? That
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: was a longer pause I was expecting.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to work out how to put it all
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: into the.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: Succinct few words even told you I was going to
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: ask this question.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: I am completely and utterly in.
• 0:54
  Speaker 5: Awe of these families who have literally open themselves up
• 1:02
  Speaker 5: to the nation so that we can have these really
• 1:05
  Speaker 5: important conversations.
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: So brave, really brave, and they're good families.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: Right, Let's be clear, They've they've gone through psychological testing
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: and so on to make sure that They're robust and
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: can take the pressure of doing this.
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: They are good families.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: I am confronted and deeply challenged by the role I
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: play in my children's lives and the need to protect them.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: And I'm riveted. Yeah, I want to see the next
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: episode now.
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: I want to pick up on what you just said.
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: This desire to protect Watching last night's episode just creates
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: every instinctive, impulsive what do I need to do to
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: keep my kids safe kind of thing, doesn't, I like,
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: just blows it up in a couple of different ways.
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: Great parents some really interesting challenges.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: We started nice and softly with the photo shoot, but
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: then we got to know the families as well, so
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: we had the Lighthouse parents.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Light House parenting is about arming our children with tools
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: to make good decisions in life when we're not able
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: to be there.
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: We have the out black parents, black parents.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: The kids get to learn so many lives skills that
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: other people just never learned.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: The honest parent, honest parenting is not holding back.
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: I'm very brutally honest, and the gentle the gentle parents.
• 2:28
  Speaker 6: Gentle parenting is about letting children be children and respecting
• 2:32
  Speaker 6: them as people.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: And I mean everyone has the moment to shine, and
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: everyone also has their flaws and foibles exposed to the nation.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: That's what I love about the show because it's it's
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: it's showing us the realness of family life. You know,
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: in so many ways, we have these massive wins and
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: then we're like plummeted to the bottom of the ocean
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: with an absolute doozy where we just feel like we've
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: got it so wrong that every parent every day.
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, for me, as I watched this, there are probably
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: two really big things to talk about, and I don't
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: think that we can do both of them in one episode.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: But let me ask you, what would your things be
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: that we should be covering off today.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Well, one, we would be talking about online safety, like yes, holy.
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: Smile, like half the episode and it.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: Was there a single eye in the house that was
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: not wet.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: I sat through it once already and I was still
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: reaching for the tissues watching it.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: I was like, I did notice you handed the box
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: to me, But I heard the sniffles.
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: I knew I took two tissues.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: But I think the other thing that really kind of
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: confronted the room was our lighthouse parents and their lack
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: of supervision at the beach.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: We are literally on the beach, so the beach has
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: become our backyard.
• 3:46
  Speaker 4: Jase, can you see the kids, let's going for a
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: swim between the flags. That's okay.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: We are outnumbered so we can't focus all our attention
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: on each individual kid, which means we had to let
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: the other kids have their own freedom and their own space.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: So we're happy for the two older ones to go
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: swimming by themselves.
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: So that were my two things as well.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: I think that they each deserve an episode on this
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: podcast is so much there. I'm going to do my
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: very best to have a chat with somebody from Australian
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: Swimming or Surf Life Saving or something like that. We'll
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: see if we can get them into the podcast for Thursday.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: But today let's talk about the online safety stuff. If
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: you missed it, here's what happened.
• 4:28
  Speaker 7: So parents, we challenged you to give your kids an
• 4:31
  Speaker 7: hour to play an online game popular amongst primary school children.
• 4:37
  Speaker 7: The aim of the game is to trade with other
• 4:40
  Speaker 7: players to get better items, and the trading relies on interactions.
• 4:45
  Speaker 7: If you don't chat, you don't progress. We wanted to
• 4:49
  Speaker 7: see what they did when a stranger approached them to
• 4:54
  Speaker 7: replicate a real world situation. The stranger was an actor
• 4:59
  Speaker 7: under the direction of an undercover AFP agent.
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: This also happened.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Give Pepper one hour of screen time to play online game.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: As Lighthouse parents, we probably give our kids a lot
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: more freedoms in the outside world than we do online.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: So my friends play it, and I sometimes play at
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: my friend's house. So just one hour, we don't give
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: an opportunity to do games online.
• 5:22
  Speaker 6: Your online name is Pizza and you're trying to establish
• 5:24
  Speaker 6: a relationship with funny animal. Maybe start by introducing yourself.
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: Her name's Lilly, she says, her name's Pepper.
• 5:33
  Speaker 6: That's information she shouldn't be giving out. She's taught me.
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: I something's already. She's being very open with you.
• 5:43
  Speaker 6: Ask if she knows the local shopping center.
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: She says she does.
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  Speaker 6: Okay, keep building the relationship. See if she'd like to
• 5:51
  Speaker 6: meet you at the shopping center.
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, she said yes.
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: So we saw this happen, and in some ways, the
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: light House family kind of dodged a bullet, if I
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: can use that metaphor, because Pepper stepped out of the
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: room and started talking to her parents straight away. After this,
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: she came out to explain what happened, because she told
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: us very awesome.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: You know, she was actually really excited that she made friends.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: Like she legitimately came to and said, I had a
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: great time.
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: I made friends even.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: Without the visual she said that that just sends she
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: was down my spine.
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, so much.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: I thought it was great. How some of the kids
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: they totally lied. And this is a really important idea,
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: right because if your kids are taught that they have
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: to tell the truth all the time, but sometimes it
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: actually pays a lie. Like when you're online you're being
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: approached by a stranger.
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: Great idea to use the name Elizabeth.
• 6:41
  Speaker 6: See if you can convince him to tell you his
• 6:43
  Speaker 6: name for the trade, I can't give him anything.
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: She tell me her name Elizabeth. Brilliant, genius.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: And the fact that it wasn't just another male name,
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: like he literally changed his identity in such a signal
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: effiicant way in one one simple thing.
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: What I love about this is obviously really scary, a
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: very emotional moment for everybody in the room, for every
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: family watching and seeing this innocent little kid just trying
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: to make a friend and giving away literally everything.
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: Let's meet up at the shops.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: But her saving grace was just how innocent she was
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: in that and her willingness to chat with mum and
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: dad about it.
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: She walked straight and said I made a friend, and
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: that's the thing that saves her right. Yeah, But the
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: imploruse of the conversation, I mean, just wow, we had
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: the gentle parents' kids. They ran away like they didn't
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: even do what the game is about, but they stayed safe,
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: And I reckon there's great.
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: Value in that one.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: I think our kids know who's safe or not. And
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: if they don't know if someone's safe, then they don't engage.
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: No answer.
• 7:51
  Speaker 6: You could try a different approach, maybe change your avatar
• 7:54
  Speaker 6: to be similar, try a boy based avatar. Becoming similar
• 7:58
  Speaker 6: might make it easier to a stylish a relationship.
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: Go far away. He's fast right here, he won't get
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: me still nothing.
• 8:11
  Speaker 6: It doesn't look like he's very familiar with the game.
• 8:14
  Speaker 6: A typical offender would probably move on by now to
• 8:16
  Speaker 6: another victim.
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: Haha. Think you can form al fly away from here.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: You look at their age though as much younger. They're
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: much younger, and avoidance was a very clever attack totally,
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: but it was obviously even, you know, seeing like they
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: had no idea. You could see that in the character
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: on the screen.
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: And the last one, of course, was the one that
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: really rocked the honest parent cats world.
• 8:44
  Speaker 6: Maybe take a guess on what stage she's in and
• 8:47
  Speaker 6: we can try to narrow down her location. Now we
• 8:51
  Speaker 6: know what stay, tell her you're in the same state.
• 8:54
  Speaker 6: To build a relationship based on commonalities. Maybe pull up
• 8:58
  Speaker 6: maps in another window and we can try to narrow
• 9:00
  Speaker 6: down where she is. Search for family friendly restaurants in
• 9:04
  Speaker 6: the city. Stuff kids like to eat, pizza, burger restaurants. Yeah,
• 9:09
  Speaker 6: try that one. See she knows it. Okay, she's just
• 9:14
  Speaker 6: revealed her street address.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: Ah, what's all this?
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: That's not my text, that's other people. So you haven't
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: talked at all.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: Okay, good, Okay, that's cool.
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: None of you can beat me up anymore than I'm
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: beating myself up right now. So no one's beating you.
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: Everyone feels for you right now.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: I just ask you, what did it feel like being
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: in the room.
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: It was it was just so emotional.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: You were emotional. I saw that ice cream.
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and Alie was sobbing.
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: Like we got some shots of Alley where she was
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: kind of had a makeup done again because she was
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: sobbing and kat Oh you heard her as she walked out.
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: She almost couldn't breathe.
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: She was so distressed by what had happened, and cut
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: that with the fact that her daughter a led about
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: what went wrong.
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: This is where the danger lies, Kylie.
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: This is where the dangel lies, because the kids do
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: something they know they shouldn't do, and then they don't
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: tell us, which gets them into We have in more trouble,
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: not necessarily with us, but with people who have bad
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: motives for them.
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: We can't protect them if we don't know.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: I loved the conversation that Jane was able to have
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: following that experience, and the lesson that we can learn
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: as parents about having conversations with our kids without having
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: an agenda. How important it is to kind of just
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: come in from a neutral place to be able to
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: have those important conversations. And I wonder if she had
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: been able to do that, whether the conversation would have
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: gone differently.
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: I think it would have.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: Jane's overseas at the moment, we've got to have her
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: back on the podcast. She's a regular guest on the
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: podcast Anyway, we'll have her back on the podcast in
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: a couple of weeks towards the end of the series
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: so that we can debrief around that. Kylie, we need
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: to talk about what to do with your kids and
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: how to have the conversations.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: I think as a parent, I've always felt like if
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: I just limit my kids' interactions, then I can keep
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: them safe. That's been my thought process. But last night
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: just blew that out of the water in such a
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: vivid contrast to what we've experienced.
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: So we just generally don't let our kids, especially our
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: young kids, play games. But as I watched that, it
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: made me wonder have we had enough conversations with our
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: youngest children? And this, I guess shows the floor in
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: our thinking as parents because I do what I do
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: and we talk about this stuff all the time, and
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: we have pretty open conversations with the kids. But it
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: made me think, I'm not sure if we've been there.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: And what I love about this show is the kids
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: have watched it. Now we have the perfect platform. So
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: here are my tips. Can I dive into a couple.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: Number One, We've got to make sure that we talk
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: early and we talk often. We just have to be
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: reminding the kids consistently, and when we I recommend showing
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: them what happened, watch this episode with them, let them
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: know this is why it matters, you know.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: The other night, our nine year old wanted to go
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: out on the electric scooter. Oh, yes, she loves the
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: electric scooter. And I said to her, well, before you go,
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: I just needed to go put your shoes on and
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: a helmet. And she lost it. I wearing a helmet
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: and herts under my chin and shoes won't do anything.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: And she really gave me all the reasons why it
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: just was not a waste her time. She just wanted
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: to get out there. And I said, can I just
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: talk to you for a minute, And her emotions were
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: too big, and she pushed past me and she just said,
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: you know no. Anyway, I walked out about three minutes later,
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: and she had shoes on and a helmet, and I
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: said to her, Emily, I said, I'm so grateful that
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: you did that. I said, can I just tell you
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: why this is so important? And I said, when I
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: was a young girl, I said, I had a friend
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: who was riding a skateboard and they were holding on
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: to the back of the car. Now the car was
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: going about the same speed that her electric scooter was going,
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: and as a result, he fell off and received brain
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: damage and has never been the same since. And I said, so,
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: the only reason mummy's asking him to do this is
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: to protect you. I want to keep you safe. And
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: she looked at me and she kind of went do
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: he really get hurt? And I said, yeah, he did.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: And I said I would be so sad if that
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: happened to you, And she said okay, as she rode
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: off on a scooter with a helmet and shoes on.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Just giving kids the opportunity to recognize and see that
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: bad things can happen even when we don't think they will,
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: it's really important. And that conversation that we saw come
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: to life on the screen last night really hit home.
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we need to do a couple of other practical things,
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: you know that We sent the children to a private
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: space where they could play with parents not around.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: It was interesting though, I noticed with the outback parents,
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: while they in a private space, it was still a
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: very open space. But then you looked at the lighthouse
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: parents and she went into a private room and closed
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: the door like that felt so ominous to.
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: Me as I was watching.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, so we need to make sure that we
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: know a that where the kids are, be what they're doing,
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: see that we have the opportunity to supervise and monitor.
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: And once again I just want to emphasize talk early
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: and talk often. This stuff matters. This gets the very core,
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: I mean, the devastating reality. You get to see it
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: in the show in the episode blows me away. And
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: like I said, we'll talk to Detective Superintendent Jane Crossling
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: from ACE, the aust Center to Counter Child Exploitation led
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: by the Federal Police in a couple of weeks time.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: She shared some numbers. Yeah, twenty two thousand reports a year,
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: which equates to between four and five hundred reports per.
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: Week, and they're only the ones that are report.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: But she acknowledged that it is completely underrepresent of what's
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: going on out there.
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: Really really important conversation. We hope that you're loving parental guidance.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: We hope that this podcast is a nice supplement to it.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: We'd love your feedback podcasts at happyfamilies.
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: Dot com dot you.
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: Tomorrow we do a recap of episode two on the
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: Happy Families podcast. The Happy Families podcast is produced by
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: Justin Roland from Bridge Media, thank you for all of
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: your great work, especially when we're so busy with parental
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: guidance Jr. Craig Bruce is the one who well he's
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: the executive producer, the one who helps us to map
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: all this out and make it work.
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: We appreciate you as well, Craig.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: And if you'd like more information about making your family
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: happy app keeping your kids safe, check out my brand new.
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: Book, The Parenting Revolution.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: It's available wherever you get your books, or visit us
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: at Happy families dot com dot you