Latest / A Heart That Beats for Home / 52. Cheers, Ears, and Prayers: 3 Concepts for Supporting Our Children Through the Tween, Teen and Adult Years

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52. Cheers, Ears, and Prayers: 3 Concepts for Supporting Our Children Through the Tween, Teen and Adult Years · A Heart That Beats for Home

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart that Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: No judgment and certainly no perfection, just real talk from my heart, a heart that beats for home.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Hello friends, welcome back.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Thanks for being here for another week here at A Heart that Beats For A Home.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: We know that every time that you put some earbuds in or you open up your podcast app, that you have thousands and thousands of options to choose from, and every time that you choose A Heart that Beats for Home, we're just so grateful to have you here with us today.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: I am excited just to share with you, a little off the cuff, just a parenting insight that I heard.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I wish I could remember where I learned it.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: I am an avid podcast listener.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: I listened to so many different podcasts on the regular and sometimes I jot down a note when I'm out on my walk or when I'm driving in the car.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I'll voice memo myself something to kind of get some key takeaways.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: And this one I don't remember who it was that I got it from, but this is not an original but I have been able to take it over, probably the last year, especially in the season of parenting high school students, young adults, college kids.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: It has been such a helpful tool for me in just navigating relationship with this stage of kids and I will tell you I wish I had heard it earlier, earlier.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: I think that it would be so beneficial at any stage, really once your kids are walking and talking, that this principle is something that has just been kind of a guiding force in how I show up for my kids, how I interact with my kids and keeping myself a little bit in check.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: So the simple phrase is the three ways that we can offer our kids support is in our cheers, our ears and our prayers.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: And when I really started thinking about this I thought, okay, let's dig into this a little bit and let's kind of see what that looks like.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: And so when we're talking about our cheers Andy Stanley always says it our words carry weight differently depending upon who is speaking them to us or who we are speaking them to, and often words between parents and children carry some of the heaviest weight of words that are spoken.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: So often when you talk to whether it's kids or adults, they will remember things, both negatively and positively, that were said to them by parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, their favorite coach, people that are in very close proximity to us.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: When they speak to us, whether in a good way or a bad way, those words stick in a different way than when some random stranger at the grocery store maybe says something really cutting, or a person on the internet leaves a really mean comment on a post.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: Because of proximity, those don't have as great as an impact, although they certainly do carry weight.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: The closer somebody is to us, the weightier their words are, and so when I started thinking about this first part of the cheers, ears and prayers, it really made me stop and pause and go.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Nikki, the way that you talk to your children, the words that you breathe life over them or you speak death over them, when you're not controlling yourself, when you're angry, when you yourself are frustrated over things.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Your words to your children and to your spouse, but today we're talking about children specifically carry the most amount of weight and so really just putting in check that A a little positivity goes a long way and that when we focus on specifically in cheers I don't want to think of this as, like always, raw, raw.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: You're so great, you're doing such a great job.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Although I think it's super important to speak positive affirmations over our children, I think even more important is speaking power into the character qualities that we're seeing in our kids.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: So, for instance, saying something like I'm so proud of your diligence instead of I'm so proud of your straight A's.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: It's so easy for us to find these things that the world has as standards when it's accomplishments and it's it's flashy and it's in front and it's stats and it's grades to recognize those things.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: But really, learning, the older my kids get, I wish I would have talked more about it when they were smaller.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: This way, but whenever we learn and we can make adjustments, it's positive no matter what.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: But really focusing on character qualities Again, things like you're really managing your responsibilities well and it's paying off by this is maybe for a kid that's now entering the workforce and is getting some good job offers or different opportunities are coming their way.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: Instead of being proud about I'm so proud of you for grabbing that dream job, it's more about I'm so proud of the way that you're really managing your responsibilities and you didn't get as much playtime as maybe you had hoped for.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: But what I noticed was you were 100% committed to your team and you were engaged and you were excited and you were cheering everyone on, even when it didn't go how you had hoped.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I'm really proud of you for that.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of you for staying attentive.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of you for the way that you made eye contact with your coach and you were respectful.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of you for the way that you picked up the friend that fell down, or, when the girl tripped and her backpack emptied out, that you were the first one there that you showed kindness to pick that up and to help, really looking for ways to be that cheerleader for our kids, but to be it in a way that it's talking about their character, qualities and the things that you see in them and when we realize that our words carry so much weight, just really being accountable and taking inventory of how we use those words to our kids and then also just making sure that this one is specifically talking about offering cheers to our kids and then also just making sure that you know this one is specifically talking about offering cheers to our kids.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: The opposite of that would be speaking things of I cannot believe you did that, or you are such a bad person or I'm so embarrassed.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: You know, you've heard people say you're embarrassing the family name and I remember one time when everybody was fighting and it was kind of a it was a low parenting moment for me.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: I remember exactly where we were.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: We were actually out on the boat at the lake and everybody was just being so nasty and I made a comment, something along the lines of you guys are embarrassing me, that you have the Smith name and you're acting like this, and I thought, oh my gosh.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Later I was like that was such an inappropriate way to make a point which maybe at the time it was what I was feeling but how I could have used my words in such a different way to let them know hey, the Smiths don't act like this.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: The Smiths are kind to one another, the Smiths are respectful and we hold ourselves to high integrity, and I'm sad that you guys aren't showing those things, because that's who we are.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: As opposed to you're embarrassing our family name.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: How we get the message across is so important into how it impacts the hearts and the souls of our kids, and so the number one thing in this cheers, ears and prayers is we can offer our kids so much support when we cheer them on in their endeavors and we call out their amazing character qualities.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: The second one is ears, and this one, I think, is specifically important as our kids get a little bit older, although I think obviously all of these could relate to younger kids at times too.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: If I want my kids to come to me on the regular and again, I'm starting to experience this more and more as they get older there is a season in our life where our kids have to sit and listen to us.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: They live in our home, they're under our rules, they're younger, we're in the stages of really training them and coaching them, but as they get older, they move out a little bit of that role and they have the ability to push away a little bit.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: They don't have to always come close and be in close proximity to us for us just to chat their little ears off all the time.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: With so many words, so many opinions, so much instruction, so much of us feeling like we're imparting our wisdom into them, but to them it just sounds a little bit like womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, like mom is always preaching at me and instead of bringing that three-point sermon to them as my kids get older and they come to me, often kids again, I think starting as early as junior high are carrying a lot in their sweet little brains and they're carrying a lot on their plates the way that our kids are involved in so many different things, they have social media and they have all these voices coming at them all the time.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Their hearts and their brains are full and often there is a group of us that are wired that we process by talking.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: I know for me no surprise, right?
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's why I have a podcast.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: I can do a lot of processing of a lot of things by talking things out.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, when I come to my husband and I'm totally overwhelmed, or maybe I'm even really frustrated about something, I process by just talking through it, and the last thing most often that I want in that moment is for him to come back and say well, here's all the things where I think you need to do this, this, this and this.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: A lot of times I already know what I need to do, but I'm just needing to process the situation by talking it out with somebody who's safe to me and for me, that would be my husband and often for our kids, when they've had a really hard day at school, when things didn't go the way they wanted at the play edition or on the sports court or field, when there was a friend drama or a teacher that was unkind to them or any of these different things.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: Often, when they come to us and they want to talk about it, they don't want us necessarily to fix it, they just want us to hear them.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: And so, again, instead of bringing that three-point sermon a lot of times, what I'm learning to do now when my kids, especially the older ones, are coming, is say hey, I hear everything you're saying, I just want clarity.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: Are you just needing me to listen and just be able to get this all off your chest, or are you wanting me to offer you a little bit of insight into what I'm hearing, as you were sharing that with me.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Because when they have the opportunity to say to you, yeah, no, I'm not at a place yet where I'm ready for you to give me a ton of suggestions or to tell me where I was wrong, I just needed to offload it for a minute, like nothing.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: I just needed to offload it for a minute, like nothing.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: I just needed you to listen.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: There's a time and a place for that, and none of this is saying at all like we don't have.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: We need to be able to hold our kids accountable.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: We need to be able to pour truth into them, but learning how to guide that conversation and knowing the importance of timing and of context, and so just asking that question again, are you needing me just to listen right now, or are you open to me offering you some insight based on what I'm hearing, after you just shared that with me A lot of times, when you ask it like that, they'll say, yeah, sure, share whatever you want.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Then I think it's also important that we're careful how much we dump on them and that we maybe just give a couple of leading questions.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: I remember Jed always talking about a man in his life when he was younger, that when he would go to him with a question or a problem, this specific youth leader would never just give him what he thought the answer was.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: He would never say you know what, jed, after you said that, here's what I think you should do, he would instead ask a ton of questions of Jed, do?
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: He would instead ask a ton of questions of Jed.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: He would walk him through this out loud, processing that ultimately, jed had completely come up with what the solution was, instead of this older person that maybe immediately saw what it was just gave him as the suggestion.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: And so trying to ask questions when we're using our ears the old saying we have two ears and one mouth for a reason.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: But if, in that moment, our kids have said, yeah, I actually would appreciate some input.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: I would appreciate you being able to speak a little bit into this frustration or helping me navigate it, learning how to maybe help them process through a little bit more, with them continuing to talk because of how we ask really good questions, things like, let's say that, for example, it was a situation with a friend where the friend was just super unkind.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: Maybe there was some gossip spread or something along those lines, asking questions like hey, what do you think is going on in the life of Mary that she would have acted that way?
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like things are?
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Do you think she's doing okay at home?
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Do you think there's some tension there?
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Do you think she doesn't feel supported?
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: Hey, do you feel like maybe, in the way that Mary acted out, have you noticed that maybe she doesn't feel like she's being included in some of the group stuff or that she feels maybe like an outsider?
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: And that was probably her response, because we know that hurt people often hurt other people.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: And what are ways that maybe you can look and see what might have caused that reaction?
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: Again, not always assuming that your kid did something to elicit that response, but just helping them walk through and navigate.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: If it's something with a coach, if you didn't get playtime, like, hey, what has been happening in practice?
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like you have really been giving your 100%, your 110%?
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: Have you been on time?
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Have you been showing up?
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: Have you been paying attention?
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Are you attentive?
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: Or are you messing around and sometimes it's just being okay to say, hey, I don't really have the answers to that either.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know what would be causing that, but what I do know is that if you keep showing up and if you keep having character and if you keep being the hardest worker out there, that you know, eventually all things work out one way or the other.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Just being good at asking questions and making them think through and process, but only after they have said, yeah, you know what I really do.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I would love some insight.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: And here's what I'll tell you that I have found that most conflict with my children, whether it be middle school, high school, college, adults that most conflict comes when too many words are being spoken between us, especially if it's a high tension situation.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: And last year I know I talked about it quite a bit on the podcast, but I spent last year reading through the book of Proverbs 12 different times.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: I read through it once a month and that book of the Bible is just chock full of verses about the mouth, and so I just went and I pulled out a handful and I'm gonna read them and I think it so explains why, when there's conflict and when things escalate in the home, it's often a reflection of the words that were spoken.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: So here's a couple of the verses.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Number one is Proverbs 10, 19.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restraints his lips is prudent and I think that is just proof.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: And again, this might not be talking exactly about in a context of and mom and the high school daughter were talking and they both just kept talking and then transgressions happened.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: Right, I think this is probably a reference more to gossip.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: When there's a lot of words happening, transgressions happen.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: But to me, I look at this and I say when my words are many, when I feel like I have to get the last word in, when I feel like my kids aren't listening, so I'm going to beat down a topic.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Transgression is usually not lacking and someone who can restrain his lips is prudent.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: The next one is Proverbs 17, 14.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: And it says the beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out Again.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: We can tell when things are getting heated up.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: We can tell when attitudes are starting to be a little bit grouchy, when there's a little bit of tension in a conversation and if the beginning of strife is like the letting out of water and we need to quit before that barrel breaks open, before the big argument before the lashing out.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: I have found that when I keep pushing in and I keep leaning into, that leaking water is exactly when the quarrel breaks out and there's a lot of conflict between us.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Another one is Proverbs 17, 27.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: And it says whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: Even a fool who keeps his mouth silent is considered wise.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: When he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: And again, wisdom in knowing when to speak and when not to speak.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: Then the next one is Proverbs 18.6,.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: A fool's lips walk into a fight and his mouth invites a beating.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I think that's just a good one for everybody in the family to memorize, right?
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: A fool's lips walk into a fight and his mouth invites a beating.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: And just again, that accountability of am I going to use my words to walk into a fight or am I going to use my words to pour water on a fire to bring peace and calm, which is exactly what this next verse, which, so interestingly to me, proverbs 18, 8 and Proverbs 26, 22 are verbatim, word for word, the exact same verse.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: And I don't think I ever would have picked that up if I wasn't reading through the Proverbs so many times, but word for word.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: This verse is repeated two different times, which tells me it has a lot of.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: I mean, everything that's in the Bible obviously holds a ton of truth and wisdom.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: But to see this twice, only a couple chapters apart, and it says the words of a whisper, are like delicious morsels.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: They go down into the inner parts of the body.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: And for me as a parent, when I look at all of these and I'm thinking about parenting, this stage of teenage and young adults, college students if my heart is really to have a good relationship with my children, to have good communication because in my opinion, if you don't have good communication, you don't have a good relationship and so if, if communication feels hard, if it feels overwhelming, if it feels like it's always walking into oh, this is going to end in a fight or this is going to be a conflict, natural instinct is to just pull away, specifically, I think, for the children.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: If I just pull away, then when mom or dad talks to me, there just won't be as many opportunities, there'll be less quarreling.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: And I don't want my kids to ever pull away from conversation, easy conversation, hard conversation, conversation where they know that something that they're about to tell me is gonna disappoint me.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: I want my kids to know they can come to me and that my mom is going to exhibit these things Now I will be the first to tell you.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: This is not always the case and there are a lot of times where I don't pull back once the water is starting to leak out and a coral does indeed take place, or when there's a lot of words and the transgressions are many that I have to go back and apologize and say, man, I really lost it there.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: I really let my words go.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: But when we're looking at these verses and we're looking at this concept of cheers and ears and prayers just the power of learning to be a good listener, learning to be a safe place for our kids and kind of stuffing a little bit of the maybe it's pride, maybe it's truth, but learning how to control the whole attitude of.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: But I know so much more than you.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: I'm 47, you're 20, clearly I know what you should be doing.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: But that's not how our kids learn.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Our kids don't learn by us telling them all the ways they should have done stuff.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Our kids learn by having a person that can listen, that can then speak back truth if it's an appropriate time to remain calm, to help them process, and so being available as just a set of ears for your children, to build that relationship, to let that be the safe place.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: I recently just said to my son in a car ride we were talking about some pretty intense topics just to him and I and I said to him hey, buddy, I just want you to know that, no matter what, no matter what it is that you're thinking or feeling, mom and dad are a safe place for you to come, even if you know that what you're coming to us with is gonna break our hearts or gonna disappoint us, that you know that what you're coming to us with is going to break our hearts or going to disappoint us, that you chose that action.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to be.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: My love for you won't change, but I might be disappointed in the choice that you made.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: I just want you to know that there is absolutely nothing that you can't come to me and talk about, that I always want my ears to be open to hear you and to listen, and then I want to be here to help you navigate through anything that you're going through, because I think that's every parent's prayer is that instead of going to you know Google or going to their best friends to try to get information, or just not talking.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of times when kids are carrying guilt or shame or overwhelm, it's easier just to shut down and they don't talk about any of it because they don't know where it's a safe place to go.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: And just being that set of ears that your kids know mom and dad are safe, mom and dad are going to be really good listeners and mom and dad aren't going to just lecture me, they're going to help me navigate through this.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: So that second part of cheers, ears and prayers is having a good set of listening ears for our kids.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: And then the third one is prayers, and this one I heard a quote again I don't know who it was that said it, but so powerful, and it said my prayers can go places for my children that my skills, support and advice could never reach, and for me as a parent, hearing that I knew that in my core right.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: But when you hear it like that so often, when our kids come to us or when our kids are just overwhelmed, it doesn't matter what stage it is.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: I remember in kindergarten, olivia, our middle daughter, had such separation anxiety Like going to kindergarten literally was killing her and she would get in the car at the end of the day and she would start sobbing immediately already about having to go to preschool or kindergarten the next day.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: And at night when she was going to bed I would have to lay with her until she fell asleep because she would cry and cry and cry about going to kindergarten and it got so bad that it got to the point that the principal had to come out and physically take her out of my car in the drop-off lane every day and she would leave my car kicking and screaming and I just felt so hopeless.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: I felt terrible as a parent.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: I would sob my eyes out with my three-year-old in the back poor Landon.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: I would sob my eyes out the whole way home and just think what in the world?
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: But the reality of knowing that in that moment where I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what skills I could give, I didn't know what support or advice I could give to help her not have this anxiety, just knowing that my prayers can go places that my skills, my support and my advice could never reach, and so I pray a lot for my kids.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: I pray with them all the time.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: I pray on my own for them all day, every day, I feel like all day.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: Every day, god gives me little nudges and little reminders of, hey, they're walking through this right now, or they're just getting ready to walk into basketball practice, or they're just going to be taking that physics test, or she's getting ready to go in and do her new nursing clinical exam, like all these little things that you know are going on in your kid's life.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: And when you think about them and if you're not good at remembering, set some alarms, start setting some alarms on your phone, maybe two or three times a day, that an alarm just goes off and you just stop for one minute, two minutes, five minutes, and you just pray for your kids and your spouse, because knowing that your prayers are going to go places that your skills, your support and your advice can never reach has such a powerful, just presence in your life and with your kids, and so just really getting good.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: I had such a wonderful example of this with my mom.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: It was no matter what if you called home specifically as older children I mean, she prayed all the time with us at home.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: But when I would call as a college student and just cry my eyeballs out to her about I'm overwhelmed.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: I'm going to school full time, I'm working 40 hours a week, I'm living in downtown Chicago, the stress, the pressures, all of these things, every conversation it would end with honey, let me just pray for you real quick.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: And she would just on the phone, pray with me and it was just such a sense of comfort.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: And so, because of that example that she had in my life, I have tried so hard in my life to do that with my kids to just stop and pray.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: When something feels very overwhelming or getting to the point that you're having a conversation and you're like you know what?
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: I don't really know, I can be honest and say I don't know what the best solution is here.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: I don't know that there's a clear path that I feel you're supposed to take.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: Let's just stop and pray about it.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Let's just stop and pray that God would give you wisdom, that he'd give me wisdom, that he would make it known to you in your Bible reading or in your time of silence, or in worshiping in your car or just going throughout your day.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: That he would make it known to you how you should handle this, that he would give you the grace to keep going and persevering.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: And so I pray all the time.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: I pray for my kids to have wisdom.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: I pray for them to foster healthy relationships.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: I pray for them to navigate hardships and not to avoid them.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Pray for them to fail, trying at different things, and then to get up and try again.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: I pray that they would see Jesus in the details throughout their day and that the little things that he does to open doors for them and provide for them are not coincidence.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: They're his love and care for them.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: I pray that they would love him deeply, that they would desire their own relationship with him.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: I pray that they would befriend others, that they would walk in integrity, that they would own their mistakes and take ownership when they've messed up, that they wouldn't make excuses, that they would befriend others, that they would walk in integrity, that they would own their mistakes and take ownership when they've messed up, that they wouldn't make excuses, that they would be respectful, that they would admit, struggle and seek counsel when it's needed.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: I pray that they perform their best in all the things that they're involved in, not that they are the best, but they perform to their best ability, that they show up with everything that they can give in that day and that they value work ethic.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: I pray that they perform to their best ability, that they show up with everything that they can give in that day and that they value work ethic.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: I pray that they would love their siblings and desire to spend time with them.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: In fact, I just recently heard my kids talking about how fun it would be if the three of them went on a vacation, and I immediately wanted to walk in there and be like excuse me, you three think you're gonna start taking vacations without me and dad.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: What?
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Excuse me, you three think you're going to start taking vacations without me and dad what?
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: And then I laugh because I'm like I have literally been praying for my three kids to love their siblings and want to spend time with them, and so I didn't really pray that they would want to go on vacations without me, but ultimately my heart was so overjoyed that my kids are thinking about going on vacations together or spending time just the three of them to build that relationship, and so I pray for that and I pray that even when other relationships come in, and when there's boyfriends and spouses and children, that my kids would always want to be with one another and that their sibling bond would be so strong.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: I pray that they would deepen their faith with the Lord and that they would make their faith their faith not their faith, mom and dad's faith that they would really seek to understand and get to know who Jesus is to them and what that means in their life.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: I pray that they would navigate hurt and struggles with grace and that they wouldn't be reactive in situations that feel hard.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: I pray that they would always see the best in others and believe good intentions, even when it hurts, and I pray that they would be humble and ask for help when they need it.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: And the list goes on and on and on of the things that we can pray for our kids.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: And so I just found such comfort in the fact that when it feels like I can't do anything, or when it feels like everything is falling apart or my kid is facing so much opposition or rejection or struggling through something that I know that if I can just sit back, I can cheer them on because of the character that I see in their lives, I can have listening ears, I can be available for them to talk and to process and to encourage them and then ultimately, all day, every day, without ceasing, I can be praying for the tiny little details in their lives that are ultimately the really big details.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: And, moms, this doesn't have to be you stopping and you taking 20 minutes out of your day.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: This is you, just those whispers, those one sentence, two sentence, three sentence prayers to the Lord on behalf of your children, and I often will say these out loud when they're listening.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: I will often if I'm thinking about something.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: For instance, the other day, me and Landon were in the kitchen and I knew that Madison had something big going on and literally in that moment, standing there in the kitchen, I just a two sentence prayer out loud, didn't stop everybody in their tracks, everybody.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: We got to get together to pray.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: Just, dear Lord, right now, be with Madison.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: We know that she's walking into this important meeting and we just pray that you would go before her and that you would give her confidence that you would be with her.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: We are grateful for Madison.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: We pray that you would open up great doors in her life.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: Amen, right, and you keep going about your day and when it's another kid.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: The other day, one of our children overslept and it was very stressful Somebody who's taken on some new roles and they were going to be late for something that was important and the stress was mounting and I could sense it, and so the kid got in the car and they were on their way to the event and I immediately called them and I said hey, it's going to be okay.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: I know that this is not what you want.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: You would not have wished your morning to go this way.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: You own it, you show character, you walk in there, you take the full responsibility for what happened and it's going to be okay.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: I said let me just pray with you right now as you're driving, that you would just have focus and that you would be able to just have a great day and that this doesn't dictate how the rest of the day needs to go.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: God has great things in store for you.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: There's blessings that you're going to bring to others that you come in contact with.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: Don't let the devil get your day because of this little part of your morning and just being able to pray with your kids.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: God, go before them, provide the way, allow people to be kind and understanding and, if they're not, allow them to show grace to their supervisors, to their superiors.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: Help them to show up and to work hard and prove that they are somebody of integrity and that they are reliable, like just these little whispers that we can offer to our kids as a gift to them, that we can be somebody that's going to the Lord directly for them.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: We can do it in front of them, we can do it without them, we can do it corporately, as a family or individually is such a gift, and so I just wanted to share this with you guys.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: It gives me so much peace when I know that I can give all of it to God.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: The older our kids get, I feel a little bit heavier a weight we carry for some of the really big decisions that they're facing, the big disappointments, the big relationship things, and to know that I can just give it all to God and then release that burden, it takes so much pressure off of me because ultimately I know that God loves those kiddos.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: It's so hard for me to comprehend that God loves my three kids more than I love them, because as a mama you say, oh, there's nobody that loves those kiddos like mom and dad, but to know that God loves them even more than we do and that we can go to him on their behalf and to plead on their behalf and to praise him on their behalf as they go throughout their day is such a gift.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: So if you're struggling with just how to show up for your kids, how to lean into relationship with them, I encourage you just to dig into this cheers, ears and prayers concept and see how it blesses you and your family.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: None of us have this all figured out.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: I am so far from an expert, but I am so grateful for just these little nuggets that I find as I lean into people that I believe have a lot of wisdom that have gone before me.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: Again, I wish I could give you guys who it is that gets credit for this concept, but I can't, and so instead I will just take it and keep implementing it into my life, hope that it encourages you and that it allows us just to continue to dig into relationship with our children at all ages.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: So just know, mama, that you are doing a great job and when all feels like it's falling apart, get on your knees and say a prayer for those kiddos and release them completely into the control of the Heavenly Father, who is their ultimate parent, and so make sure that you are just taking that time to do that for your family.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: It's the biggest gift that we can give our kids.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: I know that I've mentioned it several times, but there is one great resource I do want to mention.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: I know that I've mentioned it several times, but there is one great resource I do want to mention.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: I'll also put it in the show notes.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: It's called Praying the Scriptures for your Teens.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: There's also one for your children.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: Praying the Scriptures for your Children.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: It's for younger children.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Praying the Scriptures for Young Adults, and there's also one for marriage, and it's broken into chapters.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: So, for instance, this one, that is, I have it right in front of me the praying scriptures for your teens, for instance, you could look in the contents and it would be.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: There's chapters on praying for your teen's relationship with Christ, praying for good friends, praying for connection in church community, praying for their dating relationships, for their character.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: Praying for my teen to be honest and have integrity.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: Praying for their other-centered outlook or to be a have a humble and teachable heart.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: Praying through anger to composure, praying for compassion and kindness, praying for your teen driver, praying for a teen with eating disorder or negative body image, praying for a teen with anxiety and depression.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: Or praying for your teen rebel, praying for your teen about technology and social media, praying for protection from drinking, praying for sexual purity, praying for protection from drugs or from being exposed to sin, praying for their sins to be exposed, and then praying for their choice of music, their teen athlete, the teen's future, their education, their career.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: So it's just broken into these beautiful chapters where there's a little bit of content, and then it will give you actual scripture that you can pray.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: So I just opened to one that is in the chapter of praying for your teen's victory over temptation.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: So in the back it will give you about 10 or so prayers that are actual scripture that has left a blank where you can put your child's name in.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: So, for instance, this one says do not let Charlie be a slave to sin, but give him a permanent place in your family.
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: John 8, 34 through 35.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: Or do not let Charlie be afraid or put to shame.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: Teach Charlie and give him peace.
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: Do not let drugs or any other weapon prevail against him.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: Isaiah 54, 4 through 17.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: Or do not let Sarah conform to the world's patterns of drug use, but transform and renew her mind so that she will approve of your good, pleasing and perfect will.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: Romans 12, 2.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: Or, lastly, set Amy free and help her stand firm.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: Do not let Amy be burdened by a yoke of slavery to drugs or the use of any other evil.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: Galatians 5.1.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: And this has just been such a beautiful reference for me to use in all of those different stages, in the children, the teens, the young adults, the marriage, just to be able to actually read and pray and input actual names into Bible scripture and to pray that over your children.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: There have been seasons in life where a child is really struggling with something.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: And I will find verses out of these books, I will write them on three by five index cards, I will carry them in my purse, I will keep them on my nightstand, I will literally stop and pray those prayers for my children every time that it comes to mind, just as a way again to be pleading with the Lord on their behalf for the things that they're walking through.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: And so it has just been such a great tool for me, and I again will be sure to link these in the show notes so that you can have them.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: I encourage you to get all of the ones that apply to any stage of life that you're in and just keep them as a great resource.
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: They're also a great encourager when others that you know are walking through something, to be able to send them personalized prayer scriptures with their names in them, just for them to know that you are praying on their behalf as well.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: So that's it for today, friends Cheers.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: So that's it for today, friends Cheers.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: Ears and prayers as we go about our days navigating the different relationships in our family.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: I pray that this was encouraging to you.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: And again, obviously, if this is something that you feel somebody might benefit from, maybe you have another friend that is going through a similar stage of parenting or has shared some different struggles about communication.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: Maybe this would be a great podcast to share.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: So send that direct link through a text or through social media.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: We so appreciate it.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: So until next week, friends, take care.