Latest / The conspiracy / I Honestly Didn’t Expect This - Part 1

Transcript

I Honestly Didn’t Expect This - Part 1 · The conspiracy

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: I'm sick.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: He's a little sick. I'm sick too. We're both got
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: sniffly noses, and he's got a a Surprise cough.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just start coughing randomly.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: It just surprises him. He hasn't been sick much before
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: I'm not used to this. So when he coughs he
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: gets surprised by it.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: It's like And then I'll get I'll get really startled
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: and it take me a couple minutes to like you
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: know come to basically because I get so just surprised.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: I thought it'd be fun to look at dating app interactions.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: That's cool.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: Because we have so much history on dating apps.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're such a... I'm a... I'm well-traveled, that's what
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: it's called.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: I'm a playboy, alright? I'm a playboy. Yep.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Complete.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I've been in like 700 relationships, probably.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Really? Yeah. That's... Okay.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Maybe a thousand.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Really?
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Probably.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Probably a thousand.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: With women. Okay.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Mostly.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Hello everybody and welcome back to my YouTube channel, or
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: welcome to my YouTube channel. I'm CallMeChris, you can call
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: me Chris. And today I'm here with my beautiful fiance,
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: or boyfriend.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, boyfriend. Caleb.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: And yeah, we're gonna read some Tinder stuff on Reddit.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: We have to read?
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: Found my boyfriend on a dating app. My boyfriend of
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: over a year randomly became paranoid and psychotic that I'm
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: cheating on him. Came out of nowhere. I literally go
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: two places, work and home. He told me he has
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: a rare form of anxiety. A rare form of anxiety.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: And needs to know where I am at all times.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Like a dumbass, I shared my location because I was
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: compassionate to his anxiety illness. Even still, he would become
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: violent convincing himself that I am always cheating. It was
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: bizarre and scary. A friend of mine who had dated
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: more than I have suggested that perhaps he is cheating. Nah,
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: I could not fathom that, especially since he was so
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: adamant that we were exclusive. Imagine my surprise when I
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: decided to create a fake dating app profile and found
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: him on four different.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: How does that even, I mean, how do you even
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: think you're going to get away with that? That's bold.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: That's crazy.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: Assuming like you have no friends that are going to
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: come across you or something. Using photos of himself that
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: I had taken.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: I was going to play the devil's advocate and be like, well,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: maybe he left them on.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I agree.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Nah, bro. Yeah, cuz I this there this like you
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: keep going. Sorry.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: Sorry. No, it's okay from events where we went together
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: me cropped out. Oh my god I'm shaking even now
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: as I type this the panic of seeing him out
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: there like that just masquerading as some great single guy
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: Made my heart fall out of my chest and I
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: haven't felt right since in the entire time he was
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: accusing me of cheating and and I never once did,
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: he was actively meeting other women. Before letting him know
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: my discovery, I asked him nicely if he, by chance,
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: might still have active dating app profiles. He called me
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: psycho and told me to stop causing drama. The lies
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: rolled off his tongue with such ease. It was chilling. Ooh,
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: I like that. I like that little.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Written description.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: I would never do that. Are you insane? He denied it.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: I couldn't help it I showed him one of his
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: profiles and said that was a photo. I took of
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: you He lies then turned to violent anger. Are you
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: stalking me? I can do whatever I want. We aren't
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: married chill He's like the gaslighting king.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this guy's a genius.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: He's a gaslighter I'm joking.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I do not like this guy.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: Little guy can't make any jokes anymore.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: I just don't want people to think that I'm a
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: big fan of the Gaslighting King. I agree. He's a dick.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: He somehow turned it around for me. I kept just
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: one of my fake dating app profiles open and he
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: has zero idea it's me.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love this.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: He is now actively chatting with this person. I feel devious,
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: but also want to... F with him and catch him
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: deep in his lies. Any suggestions on how I can
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: turn the tables on this toxic liar? Usually I'm not
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: for this kind of thing, but this is kind of funny.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: I'd cut ties. You'd cut ties. Don't waste your precious
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: energy on this.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just like.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: I'd go buy a firearm. You can't do that. Oh, shit.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: You can't do that.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: It's called frontier justice. I'm just kidding. I'm just joking again.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: It's a good joke. Oh, there's updates. You want to
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: read the updates? Sure.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Update one. First of all, I can't thank you all
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: enough for the support and great insight. I feel like
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: I've run through the gamut of emotions here, and you
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: all truly helped me through it. Kind Reddit strangers. Update two.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: The fake profile is still alive and strong. I was
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: going to just drop it, but then as time went on,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: it was empowering to know I was controlling the situation
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: that he had manipulated for so long. He is saying
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: the most ridiculous things to the fake profile, not knowing
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: he's saying it to me, and I am shook. Oh, oh.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: He seriously is revealing what a fragile ego he has,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: constantly seeking validation from the hot girl he's talking to
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: on Tinder. She's developed a personality where she vaguely puts
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: down his appearance, which is all he really has going
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: for him. And he is positively sniveling for validation. He
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: keeps telling her about all his sexual experience. I may
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: have to eventually post screenshots because it's morphed into something
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: that's just funny.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: Oh my God, there's more updates?
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Holy crap. Update three. Ugh. Maybe the final update. He
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: got more and more desperate trying to meet fake profile.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: She stopped responding to him. He continued to reach out.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Approximately a month has passed since the worst part of
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: this saga, and I have to say, I completely cleansed
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: myself of all desire. I have been attending regular sleep,
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: regular therapy. I don't know, I was going to say
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: sleep therapy. Sleep therapy. When I clicked delete, the fake
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: girl disappeared forever into the ether along with the toxicity
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: that this horrible man brought briefly into my life.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: I thanked her, the profile, for helping me see his
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: true colors. And by her, I mean me.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: Because for the first time in a long time, I
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: see myself again.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: Is this the end of a book?
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: This is fucking insane. Is this the end of a book?
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: This is like, this is, this is stenography masquerading as writing.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: It really is.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of, I'm kind of into it.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Beware a typist. Yeah, I think that that's really bad.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: It's a lot of energy to be putting into something where,
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: you know, like I appreciate it. You're, you're, you're clearly
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: better for it now, which I'm happy for you and everything.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: But I feel like you're also hurting yourself a little
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: bit by engaging in that so much.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: You're not out of it. You decided to lengthen it.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: And you feel good. You feel like you're getting a one-up.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: But really, you're just dedicating more time to something that's
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: already wasted so much of your time.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: It's probably not healthy. But she did acknowledge that. She
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: did say it's toxic behavior. So at least you're aware
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: of that. And the little drama queen in me loves to... Like,
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: I love to read about it. Personally wouldn't do it.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: Love to read it. So thank you for your service,
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: I guess.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Just like everybody else in here.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I'm just getting to know people and different cultures. In
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: this case, I know nothing about Romania. Frown. Sorry.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: No problem.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Sorry. As you may notice, I'm one of those who
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: don't talk too much.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: Those who talk too much. It's okay.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: I don't mind. By the way, I'm on my way
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: to the hospital.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: What?
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Why? My back is broken from carrying this conversation way
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: too long.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: Wow. Have you had conversations like that?
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: Sure.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: With who?
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of people who don't converse well, I
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: feel like. Yeah. I think I'm that guy, though, unfortunately.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: But you're just not a texter.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: I just don't like texting people.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Just call me. FaceTime me.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: I prefer to FaceTime anyway.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: If you want me to f * * * ing yap,
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: I don't have time to text. It takes too long.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: I wish I did it more. I wish I was
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: better at texting.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Better at writing. You call everyone.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I call everybody. If I want to talk, I call.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: He does call.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: For sure.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: And I would prefer a call.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Speakerphone. How you doing? Hey, buddy, how are you?
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: I am dead. This girl has her credit score on
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: her profile.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: That is a great credit score. That is a great
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: credit score. Swipe. Swipe right.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: Is it right or left for a girl?
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: I feel like left would be bad.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, left's bad. Nah.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: Nah.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: Yes. Nah. Because it's not as natural.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Nah.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: Swipe on me.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: Well, if you're... Huh?
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: Do you stay alone or with someone?
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: With someone.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: They want some head, too?
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, my mom and dad would love that.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: What the hell?
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: That's pretty funny.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: That is pretty funny.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: That's pretty good. That's pretty good, Mike. I think the
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: very top one's good, too.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: Oh, sorry. I missed that. Mama trying to be... tour tonight.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Your dick is not big enough to talk to me
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: that way lower your.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: Voice i heard that all right let's start again hey
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: gorgeous any plans for holiday weekend that's a good that's
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: a good walk yeah that's funny all right let.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Me rephrase that what a strange just conversation that's interesting
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: yeah that's a uh hey slide in and then Yeah.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: And then just like, all right. Shape up! Shit.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: Hey, shape up! Don't be like that. Don't be gross
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: like that. I geek out on my cinnamon roll recipe.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Sounds bomb.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: You matched with Madison.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: They are.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: Never bring them on a plane then.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: 6'3 only.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: Literally a requirement for me to swipe right. I'm 5'9
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: and a half, so yes, I'm picky about height. Princess
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: treatment or nothing. Message me first. BPD girl, so unless
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: you can love me at my best and worst, don't bother.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: Don't waste my time or you'll find out the hard
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: way why my favorite playlist is called Rage. I'm Jewish
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: and have personal connections to the war overseas, so if
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: you're pro-Palestine, respectfully f * * * off.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: This is like the least likable human I've ever seen.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Just laid out. It's like first, I'm insufferable. Second, I'm
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: a huge bitch. Third, I suck. Fourth, me basically.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: Well, at least you know what you're getting. Like if
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: you swipe on this, it's your fault.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: What do you have? Some men would see this as
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: a challenge.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: No, exactly. I'm like, she's putting out exactly what she is,
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: so if you swipe.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: On it, that's you. She will have purely meaningless relationships
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: for her entire life.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she'll have people that, like, want to fix her. Or...
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: She'll find somebody who's into all of that.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: I don't think there's any guy. I mean, I don't
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: think it's in the male mind to want to fix that.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: I'm doing well. Eating my body weight and Thanksgiving food.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: And it's fantastic.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Gross, lol. Men want to take you on a date
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: after you tell this?
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: Yes, because most men aren't judgmental assholes and know I'm
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: being silly. Good luck with that attitude.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: He also responded 12 hours later, too. 13, 14 hours later.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: You did. What a fucking loser.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: What a loser to just be that dumb. Just how
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: much hate do you have to have inside you?
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, to be like, I wanted to... Have sex with you.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: I didn't want to think about you eating.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: I want to hurt this person's feelings.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Why, bro?
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: Why are you on this?
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: Shut the fuck up, you stupid mouth-breathing idiot.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Based. Return to your cave, troglodyte.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: My simple pleasures, roasting men.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: Honestly, same. What's your favorite seasoning and marinade to use?
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: You're 31. Do you really think that's funny? Out of
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: all the things you comment on, you choose that?
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Wow, I feel like you're avoiding the question. Me improving
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: my cooking is a net positive for both of us.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Keep your secrets, I guess. That's pretty funny. That's pretty good.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: That's a pretty good response.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: That's pretty good, yeah.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: That's pretty good, I'd say. It's pretty good.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: I think this is a woman. You need to read this.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: This is awesome.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: Hostile woman seeking unfulfilling sex, future divorce, and codependency. Searching
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: for whining with a misplaced sense of entitlement and lots
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: and lots of expectations. Bonus points if you just finished
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: dating every girl in town but want to take it
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: slow with me. I'm open to unsatisfying fling. but prefer
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: a long run of decent into booze and misery. 5'3,
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: has kids, and has a college degree.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Damn, that's awesome. That's a lot of self-awareness. That is
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: a lot of self-awareness. That's pretty cool.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: This person goes to therapy for show.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is like a level of security that's just
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: pretty interesting.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Wow. Interesting. Yeah.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: She has kids.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Hostile woman seeking unfulfilling sex.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Hostile woman. What does that mean? So when I say
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: F penguins, I'm not just talking shit.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, you just matched with... Who? Only my
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: best friend in the whole wide world.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: Oh boy, here go. It's official. A love triangle.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't fight over men.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: Smart. The first thing we learn is to share.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: Who gave you the audacity, honestly?
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: Put yourself in my shoes. How on earth would I
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: be able to pick? So is this two girls talking?
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: It's a guy talking to two girls. Blue is guy.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay. Yeah. But for real, you seem cool. Let's
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: all grab drinks on Wednesday, 9 o'clock.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: I'll talk to her. OMG, you already asked her where in.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: The Rizzler.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: Holy shit.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: This guy's the Rizzler.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: So he was talking to two different girls.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And he got them both to go on a
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: date with him.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: At the same time.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: That's crazy.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: That's crazy.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: What are the chances that they actually went on a date?
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: I feel like from the experience that I know from
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: mainly someone adjacent to me. Michael. Yeah.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: I knew who you were talking about.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: A lot of people talk and then they never go
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: on dates.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're all talk. Yeah.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And nothing ever transpires from it.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: Usually. I don't trust people.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: I only trust you.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: I like your butterfly tattoo.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Wait. Thanks.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: Did you just disassociate yourself?
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Yes, I wasn't thinking about other stuff. Yeah, sorry.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: Is a butterfly your favorite animal? If so, I know
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: the perfect place to go.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: Will we?
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Well! The Museum of Natural History has a butterfly pa-
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: pa- Pavilion. Holy shit. I know what that word is.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: It is struggled.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: It's awesome.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: Real butterflies flying around everywhere as you look at the exhibits.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: I can go myself.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: Aww. That's sad. The next day. I can go myself.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: That is sad. People are sad.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: That's what I mean.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: People are sad. Well, I don't think they're being... They're
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: probably just busy. But a lot of people do play
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: the waiting game and that's just... That's really weird. Like,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: I need to give it 30 minutes before I text back.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: Yes, I don't understand that.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I need to give it 30 minutes. I'm aware that
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: you texted me and I'm purposefully playing some kind of
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: strategy game in my head. So many.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: So many people do that. Like, that's like the number
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: one thing I hear. It's like, I don't know whether to... Like,
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: do I wait a day? No, just talk to them.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: And then if you're busy, say you're busy and you'll
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: talk to them the next day. Yeah. That's why talking
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: to you was so nice because you literally were just like, hi,
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: it's really nice to see you. And you're like, okay,
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: I'm busy.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: I got to go.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, wow, that was refreshing.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. If I don't respond, it's because I A, forgot
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: or B, haven't looked at my phone yet. Yeah.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: You're busy working or something.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: I've never been like, I'm going to make this person wait.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I'm going to manipulate.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I have control over them. I have control over them.
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: I think that's what it is.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it is.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: The upper hand.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Wanting to have a level of control over a conversation.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: Stop. I don't like it. LOL, I'm getting ready, but
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: it's raining, dude. Pass for me, then.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, have a good night.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: Harsh. Okay, good night.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Harsh, you wasted my time. I'm ready, and it's 30
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: minutes before the reservation. That's disrespectful, and you didn't even apologize. Yeah,
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: that is weird.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: What? I mean, I don't know what they're doing, but like.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, where they got a reservation at?
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: The park.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: The park. It's just a little rain. It was fucking
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: soaking wet. Like that scene in Happy Gilmore when he's
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: really wet and he goes out in the sprinklers. He
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: goes on the date. Hmm. I'm very nervous about the election. Uh-huh.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: How about you? Uh-huh. Which way are you hoping? Trump.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: I'm from PA.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: Pennsylvania? Yeah.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I'm asking.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: Just making sure. Ah, fair enough.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah. End of the world. I'm so sad. Oh, well.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: So what are you looking for? I'm only looking for
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: that lil' wet hole. Preferably tight between your legs. If
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: it isn't tight, I'll go for a... I guess. But
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: you'll have to shower.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: That would.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: That would sound so fast.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Who you voting for? Not sure. I'm voting for Trump. Yep. Let's...
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: I'm only... I didn't want to say I'm only looking for.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: That lil' wet tight hole.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: They can shower your whole snake.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: Ew, yeah.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: I hated that.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: I didn't... I didn't read forward at all. That shocked me. Hey! Hey,
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: how are you?
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: I thought you were... The sound... You thought I was
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: going to do it the first time? Yeah, I did.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: I was actually disappointed.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: Oh, sorry. Perhaps a good thing for you, however. I
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: may corrupt that innocent smile. Angel, devil, tongue out, one
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: eye winking.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: LOL, yeah?
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: Most defunitely. I'm a dominant alpha male who enjoys to
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: king charge. Hop foley. That's not a problem, but a preference. Dot,
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: question mark.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Not so much.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: Any man that needs to boast about being an alpha
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: male is usually a little bitch that whines about everything
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: and never takes accountability for their own actions.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: Fair enough. Oh, you'll be all right. You'll be all right.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: You'll be fine. Life's short. You'll be alright. You'll be alright.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: I just realized we're friends on Facebook and saw your
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: old profile pic. I don't think I'm keen to catch up.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: All the best.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: What profile pic?
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, shit.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: What is that?
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Oh!
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, I didn't see that!
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: Oh, God!
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: That's pretty wild.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: Oh!
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: It was a European-themed dress-up party and I was young
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: and stupid. Yeah, that's a big fat no. There's a
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: wonderful delete button for stuff like this. You know, for
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: future employers and dates, etc.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's fair enough. Shame it didn't work out. Take care.
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: Here if you change your mind.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: Is that the guy? I guess it is. He dressed
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: like that?
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: I guess it is, yeah.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, shit.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: Oh!
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: What the hell?
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: That is crazy. Wow. I like how she left his mustache,
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: his little mustache uncovered.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I didn't even see that.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: You can't do that.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: You can't do that.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's like.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: That's really bad. He was like the top guy, too.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: He was Adolf.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: Adolf. So you're my girlfriend now, Wink?
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, I guess.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: Perfect. Well, I better take you out then. I don't
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: want to be a bad boyfriend.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: Yes, please don't be a crappy boyfriend. I've had enough
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: of those.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah? What's the application process look like? What does
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: next week look like for you.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Well, you asked for it. Must be politically conservative, preferably Republican, MAGA,
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: must be Christian, believe in God, drugs and marijuana are
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: a deal breaker, preferably have a college degree, must earn
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: six figures, must want three kids, preferably does not already
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: have kids, must have an awesome sense of humor, be reliable,
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: know how to communicate like an adult, I'm highly attracted
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: to raw masculinity in terms of assertiveness, confidence, many hobbies, skills,
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: and respect towards women, Must be at all taller than me,
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: preferably six foot and at least 190 limbs.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: I have been.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: I love babies and kids, the beach, boating, snowboarding, traveling,
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: art history, makeup, skincare, and in school getting my master's as...
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: Oh my god. I blacked out. That is literally the most...
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: We had the.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: Most unlikable first.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: This is the most unlikable.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: This is... Just yap fest.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: Listen, it's okay to be all these things, but in
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: one message is insane.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: And maybe being all these things together is going to
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: be a little scary.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: This person seems like they're the ultimate person, you know?
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: She's like, I'm a writer. I have a degree.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: I'm awesome. I'm awesome. I'm really cool.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I have lore. I have OCD.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: I've got so many problems.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: I expect you to be amazing, perfect. You have, like,
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: this is the whole thing that we're talking about. Like,
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: you have to have blue eyes. You have to be blonde.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: You have to be this. Like, it's just, this person's
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: never going to find someone.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: That other guy. The last guy with the Waffen outfit.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: You're right. That's made in heaven.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: Okay, that was a lot.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: Sorry. I'm just fucking tired now.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: But I hope you enjoyed the video. Be safe out
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: there on Tinder and all the apps and whatnot. It's
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: a scary place out there.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, people don't have your best interests.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: They really don't. Also, you can go get some Sour
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Boys at sour.gg. Should we give them a code?
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: No. Oh. No more codes.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: You can use code Chris for 10% off. It makes
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: for a delicious gift or just get it for yourself.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: Because I do.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: And once you try the little guys, you'll dream about them.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: You really, yeah, you really will.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: You'll dream about them.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: They're delicious.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: They're so fucking good. I want some. They're so good.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: It's crazy. I thought you were about to eat my foot.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: If it was little guys, I would.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: If it was just little guys. I have a couple
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: little guys on there.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: You do have little guys. You got a lot of hair.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's from your big dog. Yeah. Let's unsheath that thing.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: Oh, God.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: See the dust came off that?
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: You got so much....
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Lint.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: That's a big old foot.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I got huge feet. Goddamn. Got some lint on
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: my tail.