Latest / Authentic Living / Working to Keep Joy Alive Through Our 2nd COVID Holiday Season Part 2 with Sue Lymburner

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Working to Keep Joy Alive Through Our 2nd COVID Holiday Season Part 2 with Sue Lymburner · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
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  things that really matter in our lives.
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  And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
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  Our interview last week was so good that we decided to turn it into a 2 part series.
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  If you missed last week, you'll find the link in the show notes.
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  It's not mandatory that you listen, but we wanna make sure that you don't miss out on this
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  amazing conversation.
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  Everyone, it's, Roxanne Doreraj.
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  I'm authentically being with Roxanne.
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  Thanks for tuning in again this week.
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  Today, I have a dear friend, Sue Limburger, with us, and I always screw up her last name.
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  I think it's something that you wanna We'll probably discuss for a very long time.
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  I just was thinking, as you said, I'm pretty sure she said it wrong.
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  I did.
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  I said Lingberger.
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  It's Lim.
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  Burner.
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  And I there's there's some mental block with that.
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  I don't know.
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  And we've had this joke over the years.
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  So, soon I've started working together quite a while back and, and she's a specialist, in,
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  with trauma.
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  So she continues to work, I would say predominantly with trauma and, issues related
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  to any kind of traumatic events that you maybe experiencing your life.
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  Sue's been on the show before, and we had fantastic feedback about her time with us.
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  So we thought we would do, I'm gonna call it a Christmas season edition because last year when
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  we did it, we talked a lot about, what people are experiencing over over Christmas.
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  So, Sue, thanks a lot again for coming on to spend some time with us.
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  So let's talk a little bit about that because There's two things I wanna focus on.
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  You talked about the vaccinated, not vaccinated.
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  So let's talk a little bit about the tension that I'd create is creating.
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  It's it's a ripple effect.
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  In people's families that ripple effect in their, in their, you know, their support
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  systems, can't even communities like people are gonna do.
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  So I wanna talk a little bit about what you've been seeing with people, how them how they're
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  kind of managing or mitigating some of those circumstances around, am I vaccinated?
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  You're not vaccinated?
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  You know, the one person, 22 rows over is or isn't and what what you've been seeing how
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  people have been coping with that.
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  Yeah.
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  I think it's, you know, interesting when people started to come in, I never asked, but
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  everybody wanted to that was how we started our conversation.
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  You know, people would say I'm double vaccinated.
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  And I wouldn't respond, because I didn't feel I didn't want to I didn't wanna contribute to
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  that.
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  You know, and it doesn't really matter whether I am or not.
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  It's I didn't want to respond to that.
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  And I and just interesting, I remember not too long ago for the first time in a year and a
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  half, not that it happens a lot, but it happens occasionally.
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  Somebody went to shake my hand.
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  And I was just like, What, you know, what what are you doing?
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  It it felt and it's not that I was opposed to doing it.
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  It was that we've been out of the habit of doing it.
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  So that was an sting, reflection of just unconsciously how we've been adapting.
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  I am I I said this to somebody the other day.
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  I'm very grateful to be in the position of offering a safe space because I I I had the
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  opportunity to talk to somebody months ago that is we we had really polarized, perspectives.
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  And my initial thought was, oh, I don't wanna talk to you.
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  I don't like I don't agree with what you're saying.
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  I don't It's not how I see things.
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  Unfortunately, we were able to continue our conversation, and that experience was quite
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  profound for me to really recognize my initial reaction was to go, other, right?
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  Me and you.
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  You're on the other side down probably, you know, I'm right.
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  You're wrong.
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  But in this kind of it was a real I really had to feel myself physically you know, they put
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  and and be open at the same time.
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  And, you know, I have a respect for how this person experiences.
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  What's going on.
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  It's different than my own.
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  And so I really think through that it was quite a profound feeling in my body and a real wow.
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  I I Typically, I think how many of us, nope.
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  I wanna stay convicted in my belief, and I wanna I wanna seek evidence to prove to myself
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  why I'm doing what I'm doing.
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  I think we have to be very, very, very so in my practice, I feel very open to whatever people
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  their perspectives, but people are being shamed.
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  People are being, you know, either doing the shaming or being shamed for their choices.
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  I think it's creating a lot of fear.
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  It's creating a lot of, I'm right.
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  You're wrong.
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  A little bit of an intolerance, you know, and I've said, how do we I think, yeah, I touch
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  base.
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  I'm doing a wellness presentation this Friday, and I I think there's a lot of stressors going
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  on, in that work environment.
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  And I, you know, how do we make room to have compassion for other another person's
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  perspective.
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  So let's talk let's talk about that because if someone's listening and they're like, you know,
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  I I'm not really sure what to do.
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  Right?
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  Like, I'm scared.
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  I'm trying to protect my family.
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  If you're making the decision to not get vaccinated, I have an opinion about that.
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  Like, so out there in the world, we're gonna get every culmination.
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  Right?
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  How is it?
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  What kind of things would you suggest people try to do or or consider to get to that space
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  that I think naturally say you and I because we're in that space working with people maybe
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  we haven't had a bit more practice to be able to do that.
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  What are some of the things that you would suggest to people that they could try to be
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  able to get in a better space if somebody's diametrically opposed.
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  Well, and and
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  then that assumption that you know, we should know better.
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  This is I've never seen anything create such polarization as this pandemic.
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  You know?
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  So really we our personal experiences and and our personal, you know, journey and
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  perspectives will unfortunately factor in.
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  I I think it's really understanding, you know, making room to understand that maybe the other
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  person that's making their choice really does have valid reasons that they believe in deeply.
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  It's very easy to sensationalize people that are doing something, as being a certain way.
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  And so I guess what happens, though, I think, is when we're afraid, we hold on to our it it
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  feeds our convictions.
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  And I think we're feeling so powerless.
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  We're feeling frustrated.
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  So it's very easy to focus on our fears and what we believe is right.
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  And so if only other people would do this, everything would be okay.
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  You know, it's very easy.
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  I think if we're afraid of something to, find fault with it as well.
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  Right?
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  There must be something wrong So really encourage people just to be mindful what would
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  it feel like to I'm I'm gonna say, you know, to to go at it from a place of compassion and
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  maybe love versus, anger and and fear.
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  So you have the right to believe what you believe and you have the right to do what you
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  need to do.
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  And if somebody, you know, maybe isn't able to do what you would them to do if you have the
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  option, can you can you somehow create a third option, or, you know, can you radically accept
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  that?
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  Maybe if you've got a family member if you're not vaccinated and they are, you know, and they
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  say you can't come over, can you can you find a way to not personalize it, right, but this is
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  fear based.
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  I'm gonna say a lot of it is fear based.
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  And I don't mean to negate our choices.
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  But can you make room to not personalize it?
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  And can you make room to try to be aware of your knee jerk reactions.
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  That just, I think, further fuels our fear maybe feeling alone, maybe feeling helpless and
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  powerless.
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  So it's interesting.
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  Right?
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  We went last year to we were not able to get together.
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  To this year where we have the capacity too, but now we get this controversy about
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  acceptance whether someone is or is not vaccinated.
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  And then we have the the element with younger children not being vaccinated.
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  So there's so many, like, you're to your point, so many iterations of what's gonna happen over
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  this kind of holiday.
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  Right?
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  Like, and I and I when I say season, there's lots obviously, there's lots more other things
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  other than Christmas, but we know kind of that connection period that we're going into.
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  Right?
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  It's kinda like we're ending your year.
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  We're we're having things, you know, like Christmas and content, all those things
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  Hanukkah, everything kind of wrapped in there.
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  But families, you know, and as as it is, and I would I I don't know if you would agree with
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  the statement.
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  Families that get together around those times, I'll oftentimes conflict that persists comes up
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  generally sometimes.
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  And now it's like, you know, it's like pepper on the pot kind of thing.
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  It's gonna it's gonna be even more.
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  Right?
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  So what kind of things should would you suggest to people listing about you know, get togethers
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  and and things like that at, you know, how how would how should they consider managing it?
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  Let's not use the word should, what you should or shouldn't be doing.
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  Right?
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  What can you do
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  and what do you want
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  to do?
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  And, you know, I heard just as many times that people were sad about not being able to get
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  together with their family and how many people were ecstatic.
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  I'm happy to get together.
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  Right?
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  I don't have to race.
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  I don't have to get together with, you know, Bob.
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  So I think at this point, it's really beyond being if we can move beyond the fear and get
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  into a creative space, what can we do to be creative?
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  I can resist what is I can be angry about, you know, the way you're you feel about it, but
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  it's not gonna change anything.
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  And so if I accept it, maybe there's a third option that we can do.
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  So I have a friend who's extended family.
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  Some of them aren't vaccinated.
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  And she was pretty sure she got some of them together that there was going to be tension.
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  And so she didn't get everybody.
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  It was Thanksgiving.
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  I she did it a little bit differently.
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  Why?
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  Why?
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  It's a setup.
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  Right?
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  And it's, again, just because it's a holiday, It doesn't mean that we have to things will be
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  different.
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  Maybe we're longing to go back to the way it was.
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  Maybe we can begin to accept.
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  Is there a way that I can do this a bit differently?
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  Is there a way that maybe we, you know, if we still need to, can we do an outdoor something,
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  right?
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  Can we be creative in what we do?
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  Can we be open minded to that.
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  Can we also recognize, you know, we don't we're tired.
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  And so maybe the same expectations that we've done for years of how we manage holidays, maybe
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  it's okay that they're not quite the same.
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  You know, maybe I can't see you because of the differences.
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  Maybe I can still drop off, you know, a small token, you know, a card you know, that that
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  shows I do care.
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  Like, I do care even though I may not understand or agree with your perspective, but
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  this trying to fit, you know, the square pegs into a round hole, I is is crazy making, and we
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  do it.
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  We we tried to we long to go back to what was and what was familiar and hold on.
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  And it's that, how do we accept that it's different right now?
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  And we do have some choices.
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  Right.
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  And, you know, like you said, like, bringing joy back.
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  Right?
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  So then I I I think that's so important because it is different, and it will I don't think
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  things will ever return, to quote and quote what we call normal, but, you know, with all
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  the things that we're all having to deal with, like you said, get together is not being able
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  to do certain things, you know, travel, all all those things that we would normally not even
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  think about.
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  Now every decision that you have to make is couched with 5 other decisions before making a
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  decision and then post decision.
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  Right?
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  It's like, okay, I'm going on a trip, then I have to think about what I need, and then I
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  have to think about where I'm going, and who am I gonna interact with, and and, you know, all
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  those things.
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  And then when I come back, what do I have to do again?
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  Is it that's a lot.
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  That's one decision that we would have just made in 2 seconds and we'd be gone.
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  Right?
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  And now that that's layered up.
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  And, so I think you're right.
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  Just that heaviness has been there.
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  And the depletion that goes with that is real.
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  It certainly is.
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  And if, you know, if it's too much to do it the way you used to do it, How do we go to plan?
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  I I love the idea of, you know, plan b doesn't work.
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  How do we go to plan c, plan d?
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  How do we become created and and doing it maybe just a little bit differently again.
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  So let's
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  talk a little bit about self care in that context.
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  And what things people might consider.
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  Just like, you know, we've talked about finding joy, obviously.
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  So finding joy in their space, whatever that means to them, creating potentially new or
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  variations of traditions, or is another thing you you you shared What about caring for
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  themselves, through this time?
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  Which is always very stressful anyway.
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  Right.
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  That's You know, that's the joke.
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  Right?
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  It it's it really I really do remember an awful lot of people that that this was made for them
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  last year.
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  They didn't have to go.
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  Even though other years maybe they didn't want to, but self obligated.
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  And and how do we maybe learn something from that?
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  And I think because it's been Just so as you said, you know, depleting, of our resources
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  ourselves and every emotion under the sun, really looking at it a little bit different.
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  What what can I do?
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  And I love the idea of when we really honor what am I up to, what do I feel like I can
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  offer then there's gonna be more of a natural flow.
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  So maybe I'm not gonna get together with everybody that we would typically deal on on
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  you know, Christmas day.
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  If I am not comfortable going, if I feel like it's too much, can I you know, offer my my
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  apologies that I can't tell and maybe see some of the people separately on a smaller scale,
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  but really in regards to that self care of really making room to say no to things, to say
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  yes to things, of really listening to your body?
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  And I I think we talk about this traditionally with anxiety with people that are, you know,
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  have a high level of wanting to do things and worrying about doing it in a certain way and
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  just kind of go, go, go, go, go, go, and then find themselves, you know, burnt out, resent,
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  full, exhausted, you know, in doing that work, it's just really slowing down.
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  How can I mindfully, you know, think of maybe yeah?
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  What what what do I wanna get done today?
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  And maybe for it requires a little bit of planning.
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  You know, what can I if I look at the calendar, how many dates do we need to not be doing
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  anything?
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  Yeah, you know, I think if people that are overachievers or wanna get a lot done, burn
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  themselves out.
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  With that traditional kind of anxiety.
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  And how do I mindfully, you know, that self care is, I I'm gonna sit when I'm tired.
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  Right.
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  I'm gonna take a break when I'm tired.
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  I'm not gonna push through and then and then have to pick myself up from you know, the
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  ground.
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  And so it's it's those boundaries.
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  It's, you know, I can't.
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  I think it's it's it's okay saying no to events.
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  It's okay saying yes.
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  It's o it's okay leaving early, not staying as long.
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  It and it's okay if you feel like staying longer.
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  Right?
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  It's it's really honoring that it's all okay.
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  It is I really think you and I would both agree in doing this work when we when we really honor
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  how we're really feeling.
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  There tends to be a natural flow afterwards that tends to better.
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  I'm I'm not suggesting that there may be some pushback from other family members, but maybe
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  if that if we're a little more clear and honest, I'm sorry.
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  I'm I'm just not up to it.
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  Right?
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  And to, I guess, have those open conversations with people to say kind of where where you
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  stand with things, and to try to come to some kind of semblance of an understanding of each
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  other.
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  I think like that compassionate space, you know, I think would help a lot of people why
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  why struggle to to get, like, do things if you think it's gonna create conflict anyway and
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  then think about when you look back at this time.
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  I guess this is what I would suggest people do is think about how is it that I'd like to
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  reflect back on this time and think that we got through it and had a bit of joy through it and
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  created maybe potentially something like a new ritual or a new tradition potentially,
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  something different.
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  So so Sue, for anybody, that's wanting to to maybe connect with you or, reach out or chat or
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  learn a little bit more about you, where where could they go and, check you out.
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  Probably my website.
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  It has all my information, and it's Sue Limbner.
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  So Sue limbburner, l y m, b u r n e a r.
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  Limb, and then burner like the burner on a stove or accident.
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  So it's l y m, though.
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  Just don't get that incorrect like I always do.
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  So, you know, I think, I could say that both us have been privileged just to create, to, to be
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  allowed to be in the space to assist others and to support them.
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  It's a humbling experienced it when you get people coming.
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  And we're all in this together.
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  We're also human beings that are trying to get through this together.
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  So just just be gentle and kind.
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  Think about what's important to you and who's important to you and to try to make those
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  decisions as best as possible Hopefully a year from now, we'll be talking about this in
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  another iteration where we'll be kind of hopefully cycled out to something a bit more
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  positive that we've been experiencing for the last 2 years.
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  And, you know, take those breaks.
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  Like, to your point, Sue, don't don't don't force yourself to do certain things.
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  You know, take those mental breaks, you know, spend time and quiet, which sometimes we, we
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  get away from sometimes through these times.
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  And to recognize if you're if you're depleted, just figure out what is it that I could do for
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  myself that I might be able to replenish and get through this time and then kind of, go back
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  into, the New Year, with a bit more I'm gonna see, clear lens so that we could see what's
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  gonna come.
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  So, Sue, thanks so much for spending the time again.
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  For anyone that's wanting more information on me and authentic leadership, you can reach me
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  at Roxanne durhodge.com.
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  Take care, everyone, and we'll talk to you soon.
• 19:53
  Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne.
• 19:57
  Create the space for positive, healthy change.
• 20:00
  Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit Roxanne
• 20:07
  hash.com/blueprint.
• 20:10
  We'll see you next time on authentic living with Roxanne.