Latest / Love Matters With Leeza Mangaldas / Post-Partum Depression – How can you heal and what can a loving spouse do to help? Ft. Chhavi Mittal

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Post-Partum Depression – How can you heal and what can a loving spouse do to help? Ft. Chhavi Mittal · Love Matters With Leeza Mangaldas

0:03
You cannot justify that, Oh, she has a great life, Why she
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depressed? It doesn't work like that. You will you are either depressed or
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not in any kind of depression for that matter, If you try to justify
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it, you've just completely defeated the whole purpose of the conversation. Having a
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baby is exciting, but for some moms it can trigger postpartum depression. What
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happens when something that's supposed to bring you joy leaves you anxious and depressed instead?
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How can new moms get through postpartum depression? And what can a loving
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partner do to help? Hi? I'm Efflyn Sharma, and you are listening
0:47
to Love Matters, a podcast about relationship issues that matter to you and me.
0:53
Today, we have an amazing guest actress, writer, producer, and
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model, Chavy Mittell. After Chavy's second child was born in twenty nineteen,
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she suffered from postpartum depression and shared her experience on social media. She also
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came up with some great tips for men who might not quite get it,
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but who do want to help the new mom in their life. Last year,
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Chavi found out that she had breast cancer, and again she talked about
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her treatment and healing journey on social media. Today, she's going to tell
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us all about how she was able to get through these tough times with the
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help of a whole lot of love. Welcome Chavy. It's so great to
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have you on the podcast. Thank you so much, Evelyn. I'm like
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totally looking forward to having this chat with you. Yeah, I'm so excited
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to hear your story up close. Let's jump right into it. Tell us
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a bit about your journey of pregnancy and postpartum depression. How did that all
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happen for you. It's interesting how you said that I shared about my postpartum
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depression of to my second pregnancy. Now, what people don't know is that
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I had an even worse postpartum depression during the first time, but I didn't
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talk about it. I didn't share it on social media. I didn't even
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share it with anybody in my close proximity for the simple reason that I wasn't
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aware. A lot of people wouldn't even know what postpartum depression is. Maybe
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you can define that word for us first. Yes, So even I was
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not aware that what I'm going through is called postpartum depression, and it's something
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which is more common than we know about. And I think it's probably because
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nobody likes to talk about it. And it's probably because when you're going through
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it as a mother, you don't want to believe that you're depressed. Yeah,
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you just feel that you're not being able to cope up with the responsibility
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that has suddenly come upon your shoulders, and somewhere down the line, you
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start blaming yourself for not being a good mom, just because it's too overwhelming
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for you. And I think it's the second time around, when I actually
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spoke about it, is when I realize a lot of people suffer from it
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and it's okay to talk about it. So the first step, the first
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thing that helped me understand my postpartum depression was just the fact that I accepted
3:14
it to myself and I spoke about it to the people who care for me,
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people who were around me at that point, especially my husband and my
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immediate family, And that is what made all the difference. I think.
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Yeah, so, Chabby, let's start with what is postpartum depression? How
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does it show itself and how can a woman see that? Oh, Hey,
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I think I have postpartum depression and I should talk to my family or
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friends about that. That's a very difficult question to answer, but I'm going
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to try. I think the mixed feelings that a mother gets, feelings of
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not being a good mom, feelings of not being good enough for this job,
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the feeling that oh, suddenly your life is over and there's no other
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time left for anything else, and suddenly feeling that now this is it.
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Now I'm just going to be a mother for the rest of my life and
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not who I am, not an individual. And you know, you start
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questioning yourself, did I do the right thing? Why is my baby crying
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so much? Is it because of something I'm not doing right? And you
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cry a lot, and you don't want to tell anybody about the fact that
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you're crying and you're feeling this is because again, it makes you feel really
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guilty for feeling this way. So all these mixed emotions, these are just
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signs that you are depressed. You're suffering from postpartum depression, and the good
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thing about this is that it passes. You're also very hormonal at this point,
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and there are lots of physical changes that are happening in the body,
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your breastfeeding. You're in pain a lot of times, you have had a
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c section, you know, you've put on weight. There are a lot
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of things which are happening to a woman's body physically, to a woman emotionally,
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and all these factors contribute to the depression. And I think the most
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important thing is to talk about it and accept support from whoever was offering it.
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I remember the first time when I became a mother, I was not
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even accepting health from help from the nanny who I had hired to take care
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of the baby, because I was so possessing and I felt that, no,
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this is my child, and I cannot allow anybody to touch her.
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What if they break her? What if they hurt her? And I took
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so much responsibility on my shoulders. And I remember that time I was feeding
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at least twelve times in twenty four hours, including night feeds, day feeds,
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and I was, you know, becoming obsessive with studying her, studying
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her routine. What time is she peeing, what time is she hungry?
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How much is she drinking in every seed, how much is she's sleeping,
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you know, making a routine for her. I just became so obsessed with
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it that I forgot about myself. And the next thing. I know,
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I was just all the time cribbing, crying and unhappy, and I think
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it took me about a year to get out of it where I understood that
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this is not how it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to be enjoying this
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time. You know. So, besides taking help or talking to your family
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and the people around you, did you also take medical help for this problem,
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and would you recommend to seek medical help? I didn't take any medical
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help. Why was that so? Initially? The first time around, I
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didn't know, Like I said, I wasn't aware that there is help available
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and I should consider it. But the second time around, you know,
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when I was more equipped with the knowledge of postpartum depression. I think I
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just depended so much on my husband and I didn't feel the need to take
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medical help because he was always there, and I told him without leaving any
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guess work for him, I told him exactly what I need him to do.
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I would tell him that right now, I need you to leave me
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alone. I don't want the baby, I don't want you. I just
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want a fifteen minute break. I just want the room to myself. It
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was as simple as that, and sometimes that is all you need to just
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gather yourself, and you know, it stops you from getting overwhelmed with so
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much at hand. You know, I remember the second time I had a
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C section. It was painful, and my breastfeeting journey was not as smooth
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as the first time. I had bleeding nipples, and I thought that second
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time around would be better, but it wasn't. And and of course I
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was aiming for a hypno birth and I was rushed in for a C section
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at the last minute. That had a huge impact on me emotionally. So
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all those things were adding up along with you know, the fact that I
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was underslept and taking care of the baby, so I would I just completely
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took a lot of help from my husband, and I also included my six
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year old daughter while taking care of the little one. You know, I
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would just you know, I tried that if I keep everyone together and I
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even if she can hand me over the diapers, I'm just making this into
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one family and I'm not feeling like I'm the only person doing everything, and
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that feeling of getting over is not happening with me. That really helped.
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Yeah, do you think in India people still frown upon a woman voicing this
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to her husband, like, hey, you take the child now. I
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just can't right now. Is that something that you feel is you know,
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almost a taboo to say? Yes, I think it is. I think
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it is. To a large extent, it is. And which is I
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think it contributes a lot to the postpartum depression in India and to the fact
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that women don't recognize it because I think a lot of times women are taught
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that this is your responsibility and you're supposed to deal with it. And the
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most common thing which women hear from their own mothers and mothers in law or
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close ones is that you're not the only one doing it. Everybody does it.
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So what's your problem? Which is the worst? Yeah, everyone's gone
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through it, so you'll get over it too. Yes. First of all,
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you know, everybody handles it differently. Everybody's a different personality and a
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different individual. Some people handle it better than the others, but that is
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no reason for anybody to draw any comparison. And if somebody needs help,
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one should absolutely provide it. But yes, talking to your husband like this,
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I think it is difficult in India in a lot of ways, especially
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if the woman is not working, she's a homemaker and the husband's the working
9:24
husband. Then it's somehow the dynamics of the relationship are such that Okay,
9:28
you're supposed to take care of the house and I'm supposed to go in the
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bread. Yeah, you know. And in our case, I think,
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firstly, I think we are a little more evolved, I feel, and
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because my husband and I we've literally made our correspective careers together. We started
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working at the same time when we started dating, and we've gone through life
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and we've grown up in life together, so we understand each other a lot
9:54
better. And we always take turns with the children even now, and even
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at work we take tones. Yeah you know now you're you're working, Now
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I'll be at home and I'm working now you'll be at home. Yeah.
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It's a great luxury in India, I think when you can have this kind
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of relationship, I feel. Also co parenting is something that is not really
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spoken about. Maybe that's a whole different episode. And of course postpartum postnatal
10:22
depression. I personally was my first child had pery natal depression, which is
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it starts in your pre natal which is during your pregnancy, and then kind
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of continues after you have the baby, postpart and post natal depression, basically
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depressed all the time, you know. I just want to add here that
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even if somebody decides to have a baby, okay, Yeah, and in
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India, you grow up, you've become a certain you get independent, then
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you get married, then you have a child. It's pretty textbook like that.
10:52
Yeah. But even though you have everything planned, I think you will
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never know what being a mother if still you are at your mother. Absolutely,
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no matter how many books you read, no matter how many prenatal classes
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you join, you will not know what being a mother is until and unless
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you actually become a mother yourself. So literally, I mean, it's one
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of the most important jobs. It's one of the most You have to be
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really responsible to actually raise a human being with the correct models. You don't
11:20
want to teach anything wrong to them. You're shaping their whole personality in their
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formative years. And there's no course for you to join to learn that.
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And you know, you're literally learning on the job. Yeah, and your
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parents just feel like, oh yeah, everyone does it. Yes, But
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I think our generation has really opened their eyes to many many issues and topics
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like postnatal depression, and I think with that, we are also a very
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self taught generation, and I guess the generations to come are just kind of
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blow our minds the way they are so aware of things and the way they
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have such information always available on the internet. So that's really given me hope
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that women as well as men get to know about postnatal, prenatal and perinatal
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and all the depressions you can have when you are having a child, because
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it is something you need to find a doctor, and I don't think they're
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enough doctors in India that could handle every woman that has a child, because
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in the end, everyone goes through their own experience and there is some depression
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involved. Absolutely being a first time mom and dad, I guess is so
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shocking, and of course that'll give you all these doubts and the guilt that
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you know you feel. And I guess the more we talk about it,
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and that's why I admire what you've done so openly talk about it. After
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having your second child and going through something again, it's really courageous because it's
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very vulnerable. We want to add here that the reason why I couldn't share
13:03
this the first time around is because it took time to become a mother.
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Yes, it's not just having the baby. I took time to become a
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mother, and the kind of courage that I received or developed after becoming a
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mother is what helped me share my experience in future. And for that reason,
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I feel postpartum depression was a part of me getting on that journey and
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you know, emerging victorious and being able to have the courage to actually talk
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about it openly. Yeah, so it was a stepping stone for me.
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Yeah. I guess this is what different generations have experienced. Like our parents
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may have just been told that this is normal too, and that's why they
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told us it's normal, and we just questioned it and then realized, like,
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I don't want to say that to my daughter. I want to have
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someone to help her, because I would have actually liked some help. Yes,
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So what was your relationship like with your baby when you were in this
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really dark space of postpartum depression. Oh, that's a very difficult question to
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answer. Yeah, were you able to bond? And like you said,
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the first baby you breastfed as well, and I remember I was so sad.
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Just the only word really, even though it's such a happy occasion,
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everyone's like, so interested in your baby, and you're like, I love
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her, but I'm so scared and I just don't know how to handle these
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feelings. And then your breastfeeding for the first time, you have no idea
14:26
what you're doing, and nobody can tell you because you have to experience it.
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Yeah, and it's really hard to I mean, you have this instant
14:35
bond with your child, but also it's this tiny stranger that just came into
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your life, and you're so in love with this little one, but also
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so scared. Well that was my experience, but how was it for you?
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So the first time around, I still distinctly remember that while I was
14:54
pregnant, I had the most amazing pregnancy. I was very happy, I
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was glowing throughout. I barely put on any weight anywhere else, and you
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know, I looked gorgeous and everything. And I somehow kept feeling that I
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will get back to work once the baby's out. I will get back to
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work once the baby's out. Nobody told me that the real journey is going
15:13
to begin once the baby comes out. So for again going back to work,
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Yeah, and you should work now. I stopped working the first month
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of pregnancy. I could have continued working till the eighth month at least,
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but I didn't know that, so that was like the biggest shock for me.
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And I still distinctly visually remember when my daughter was pulled out. I
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saw the doctor take her away, and my baby had her face turned towards
15:37
me, and I saw these really big eyes, and I was in a
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lot of pain because I had just pushed her out, and I was thinking,
15:46
who is this person who has just come out of my body? You
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know. I had that very surreal feeling, like the baby's out, and
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now she's a person. She's not just somebody kicking inside my stomach who I
15:54
could take with me everywhere I went. Now she's a separate person. If
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it was a very strange, surreal feeling. Took me a few days to
16:03
come to terms with the fact that this is the baby who was inside my
16:06
stomach and now she's in my arms, and now she's fully dependent on me
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and I have to take care of her physically. It was a big,
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big realization, and I think that was the beginning of my postpartum depression,
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because I was expecting this magical world where baby will come out and then I'll
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go back to work, and what about the baby? I ever thought about
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that? Yeah, So I think just while I was coming to terms with
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that fact taking care of her picking her up in months, I had never
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picked up a newborn baby in my arms before. I didn't know you're supposed
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to support the neck, yeah, And how breastfeeding is supposed to hurt so
16:40
much. Initially, all those things while I learned, I think I bonded
16:44
really well with her, Yeah, really well. And I remember the sixth
16:47
day when I took her for an actual bath, not a sponge bath,
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actually took her and put her in the tub. Every moment I remember distinctly.
16:55
It was amazing. But the second time, I think maybe it had
17:00
something to do with my son being a c section baby. That whole experience
17:04
of pushing him out was missed by me and him both. And suddenly he
17:10
was pulled out of my stomach. And that was a very different kind of
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a feeling I kept feeling when I would try to breastfeed him, I would
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just feel, who is this person? I have a fourth person in my
17:21
life. He's part of my family, He's going to be part of my
17:25
life for the rest of my life. Who is he? How is he
17:27
going to be how is he going to turn out to be? Is he
17:30
going to be loving, affectionate? Is he going to throw tantrums? Is
17:33
he going to give us grief when he grows up? And all those kind
17:36
of thoughts were coming into my mind. But I think the best bond,
17:41
which for me at least, the best bond which happened with my babies was
17:45
the breastfeeding. So both of them, when they breastfed, I think that's
17:49
the time I was the happiest and I was not getting these negative thoughts at
17:52
that time. I think for that reason, also probably doctor stables feeding is
17:56
important for your mental state of mind as well, because it really did make
18:00
a lot of difference to me. I would get very happy thoughts when I
18:03
saw them breastfeeding, and it was a magical feeling, you know, at
18:07
that time between you and me. For me, it was actually the opposite.
18:14
I was really happy when baby was taking the bottle because I felt like
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I knew how much she's taking, and when she was breastfeeding, she was
18:22
just so comfy. She would always fall asleep, and I just feel like
18:26
a total failure that, like, you know, I'm not able to feed
18:29
my child and so I would rather give her the bottle again. But yeah,
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everyone's journey, you know, it's so interesting. I always think that
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we're such an evolved species and in the end, you know, technically were
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an animal for many reasons. And if you look at the other animals,
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they just pop out a child like it clean and on we go, while
18:51
the human is able to overthink everything to the little detail. I don't think
18:57
a horse ever asked itself whether it's feeding the child enough. It's just I
19:03
think we overthink. We overthink, for sure, and we overthink not just
19:06
for ourselves, we overthink for others. Yeah, that's where the judgment comes
19:11
in. And I think at some point a mother has to completely stop worrying
19:15
about what others are thinking. And as a human being, like you'd rightly
19:18
said, we are all animals, the first instinct should always be to be
19:23
happy yourself, love your neighbor, like thyself. Right, So you love
19:27
your labor is second, you love yourself is first. Yeah, so we
19:32
always forget to do that. Yeah, And there is no shame in admitting
19:36
that you need time, you need space, you need some me time,
19:38
and you need some you know, self love and attention there's absolutely no shame
19:41
in admitting that. There's absolutely no shame in sharing that with somebody if you
19:45
need to, And there's absolutely no shame in doing what you need to do
19:49
to be happy and to tell yourself that you love yourself absolutely. And I
19:53
think, you know, people talking about their journeys and making things normal to
19:59
talk about really allows you to accept yourself. So, you know, us
20:03
having this chat today, I hope that somebody will hear it and say,
20:07
hey, you know, even I'm going through something and it's normal, It's
20:11
okay. Yeah. So in every episode of Love Matters, our team puts
20:15
together some statistics about today's topic. Let's look what some facts and figures are
20:22
when it comes to postpartum depressions. Postpartum depression or PPD, is a dangerous
20:33
mental health condition which can put affected new mothers at risk. Postpartum depression is
20:38
a problem around the globe. An estimated one in seven women can develop some
20:44
form of it, but according to the World Health Organization in India, the
20:48
figure is closer to one in five. I guess in my opinion it would
20:55
be one in one. I think pretty much every mom is going through something
21:00
when they receive a child, and I think probably even dads, which we
21:03
don't talk enough at best. We don't talk about yes, but that's for
21:07
the men to solve, So I'm sure find the daddy groups. My husband,
21:14
he takes our baby in the mornings to get coffee for him and then
21:19
they go to the park. And it's so funny because at the park all
21:23
the dads are there with their coffees and their kids, moms having a sleep
21:29
in, and then they eat chat. You know, I think it's it's
21:32
perfect. But yeah, no, it's It's really good to talk about this
21:36
today, and I'd like to know what are some of the lessons that you
21:41
have learned through this experience. Oh, Like I said, the biggest lesson
21:45
that I've learned is that you need to prioritize your own happiness because if you're
21:48
not a happy person yourself, chances are you will be your selfing mom to
21:52
your kids as well. If you're happy, you're satisfied, you're at ease,
21:59
at comfort with yourself, you'll be able to be more patient with your
22:02
children, and you'll be able to generally be a happy person in life,
22:06
you know. And that's the first lesson and the second lesson is it's okay
22:10
to lose it. Sometimes everybody loses it at sometime or the other, So
22:15
don't hold yourself responsible for that meltdown. It's okay to ask for help.
22:19
You need help, you reach out, and you do what you have to
22:22
do to feel better. These are the two things. Absolutely. Let's talk
22:26
about your husband a little bit. I'm really happy that you have a husband
22:30
that supported you, as you said, and try to understand what you're going
22:34
through. I hope for everybody to have a husband like that. But how
22:40
could you gently make your husband maybe understand what you're going through. What are
22:45
some good things that you said to him which he clearly understood. I think
22:51
just the fact that, okay, it's time for me to wake up for
22:53
a feed. It was always assigned to him that it is time for us
23:00
to wake up for a feed. It was never me, okay. And
23:03
the night feeds, he could see that they really stressed me out a lot,
23:07
because in any case, I think I'm a very terrible sleeper. Once
23:12
I wake up, it's very hard for me to go back to sleep,
23:15
and ever since my second child, I think it's almost going to be four
23:18
years now, I don't remember one night that I've slept peacefully throughout the night,
23:22
because he still wakes up in the night, and you know, I
23:25
go to attend to him and all of that. But if I would just
23:27
tell him that, you know, I want the diaper, I want the
23:30
wet vipes and everything. I want the whole changing routine for him and everything,
23:33
he would not just get that. He would ask me if I'm hungry,
23:37
because I always felt really hungry when I breastfed, even in the night.
23:41
Every feed I used to eat something. He would make that for me
23:45
and get it, and he would stay awake with me till I fed the
23:49
baby. So it was never like, Okay, she's feeling weary, so
23:52
let me sleep. It was always both of us woke up to feed the
23:55
baby, and then both of us slept when the baby slept. It was
23:57
always like that, and I think that kind of bond it just makes you
24:02
feel like you're not doing this alone. You're never doing this alone. So
24:06
this thing was not there the first time around, the first time he was
24:11
working, like non stoff, he was working, and I would tell him,
24:14
no, you go to sleep because you have to go to work tomorrow.
24:17
So I would do it alone, and then a lot of times I
24:18
would change the baby alone as well, and I would try my best not
24:22
to disturb him. I think it really added to a lot of my stress,
24:26
and it added a lot to my postpartum depression because I started feeling it's
24:30
not a matter of one night. It went on for months till she started
24:33
sleeping through the night, and I felt like I'm doing all of this alone.
24:37
There were some nights when he would wake up to burp the baby.
24:41
You know. So the second time, he understood that because of experiences that
24:45
we had the first time around, and he had the conversations that we had
24:48
the first time around, he understood it, Okay, this time it has
24:52
to be different. Also, this time, we were also business partners,
24:56
so we had the same office, we had the same work so we could
25:00
take turns there as well, and we could actually, in the true sense
25:03
of the word, start co parenting this second baby. And that really really
25:10
helped. And I'm saying that even though I have a very supportive husband who
25:12
was there with me every minute of the journey, I still had my meltdown
25:18
moment because ultimately, I'm the one who's breastfeeding. I'm the one who's going
25:21
through the pain. I'm the one who's actually had the baby and the in
25:25
the C section pain and everything. You know, I also got a fracture
25:29
and I've put fracture at that time to add to my misery, I couldn't
25:33
walk and we couldn't do an X ray because I was like the last leg
25:37
of my pregnancy. We didn't even know that it's it's a fracture. I
25:41
just kept limping away to glory. So there's there's going on. And he
25:45
was was very very supportive of that. But even then, I'm saying that
25:48
those meltdowns did happen, so it's not. Once again, I want to
25:52
say that postpartum depression is not It doesn't have to be justified. You cannot
25:57
justify that, oh, she has a great life, why she depressed.
26:00
It doesn't work like that. You will you are either depressed or not in
26:03
any kind of depression for that matter. If you try to justify it,
26:07
you've just completely defeated the whole purpose of the conversation. Yes, and I
26:14
think it's a bit funny because all around the world, but of course also
26:17
in India, people say that you know your husband's at work, so you
26:22
do your job, which is being the mother. But the truth is you're
26:27
not just the mother. You're also the wife, and you're also the lover
26:32
and the caretaker, and the psychiatrist of your husband and your entire family,
26:37
the doctor. You have a lot of jobs over here. And also you
26:41
have traded your nine to five for a twenty for seven job. So I
26:47
think it's not at all justified to say that your husband works in the day
26:53
so you have to do twenty for seven. No, I think it's just
26:57
fair if your husband, who also wanted to have children, also now has
27:03
a twenty first seven job, which is his family. Yes, and like
27:07
you said, nobody prepared you for it, and it's terrifying when you have
27:12
your first day of work. But I would really like to tell people,
27:18
and I'm sure you can agree with me on that, in that moment when
27:25
you have that first week of you know your baby and you have to sleepless
27:30
nights and it lasts for a month, and then the second month and you
27:33
haven't slept still and you still don't know what you're doing, and if you're
27:37
dressing the baby right for the weather, and you just don't know what's happening,
27:42
and you really think this is never going to end. I think that's
27:48
that was one of the worst things for me. I really thought this is
27:52
going to last forever, and this is my life now, and I don't
27:56
know how to handle it when I was so independent and so in charge of
28:00
my life before that. But hey, I really want people to know it
28:03
doesn't last. The newborn face, that scary face of the baby not being
28:11
able to do anything on their own. It just lasts for six months and
28:15
suddenly that baby is a whole different person. Sometimes even after four months,
28:22
the baby is a lot more independent. But look at this baby now.
28:26
My daughter is right now sixteen months, so just over a year old,
28:32
and she walks, she tries to talk, she eats everything. She's amazing.
28:37
She's a complete human. Sometimes I wish she had come out this ready.
28:44
But on the other hand, looking back, it was so adorable,
28:48
she was so little, and now looking back, I don't have these terrified
28:53
thoughts anymore. How did you feel when your baby came out of this really
28:59
well noble state, And you know, maybe you say the six months,
29:03
by the one year mark, So I feel that with every milestone that they
29:07
cross, there is a new phase that begins in their lives and in the
29:14
parents' lives as well, and every phase has its own ups and downs.
29:18
There is beauty to every phase, and there are also some new difficulties that
29:22
you face with every phase. My daughter is now ten years old and my
29:26
son is going to be four years old. Life is amazing with both of
29:32
them, and I think as they grow older, as they grow up,
29:37
the difficulties with each phase start reducing, and the fun that you have with
29:42
them at every age group keeps increasing. I'm having so much fun with my
29:47
four year old right now. It cannot even begin to tell you how how
29:51
much fun he is. The kind of games he plays, that he has
29:52
a sense of humor, the jokes he cracks, and the words he mispronounces,
29:56
and he has convoluted English. He will speak incorrect grammar. It is.
30:03
It is the cutest. But he will find some way to express himself
30:07
and he will find some way to convince us to do what he wants for
30:11
us to do. That is such a cute phase. With my ten year
30:14
old, there's a different phase, but she's, you know, the onset
30:18
of puberty is going to be soon, and she has, you know,
30:21
peer pressure, she has different problems, but she's so independent that she knows
30:26
what she wants. So once you have a baby, although as a mother
30:30
you do feel that this is your life now and it's never going to end.
30:34
But I want to say that as long as as a mother, you
30:37
include your children into your routine and don't keep succumbing to their routine, everything
30:45
is great because still the time they're not adults, you have total control and
30:48
you can absolutely mold them as per your likes and dislikes. You like to
30:53
go to a Chinese restaurant to eat, the kids will go with you.
30:56
Don't force yourself always to go and eat the pizza with them. You know,
31:00
you take turns and you become a family like that, that's how you
31:03
grow. So for me, that is the beauty of being a mother.
31:07
Once you understand all these things, lovely, that's that's really true. And
31:11
one last question for you, how do you keep your relationship strong and alive?
31:18
I know your husband also supported you through another very difficult phase of your
31:22
life when you suffered from breast cancer. So how did you, guys stay
31:27
romantic and stay strong as a couple. So I tell you a very simple
31:33
answer to that. Yeah, he does whatever I tell him to do.
31:37
That's happy. Why is happy life? Yes? Absolutely so. I think
31:41
we're going to complete eighteen years next month. Wow. And we're very very
31:45
happy together. And the good thing is that we you know, initially when
31:51
we started out, we were very young, and we were very possessive about
31:53
each other, and we were pretty much almost intrusive in each other's life.
31:59
But we grew up together we learned how to co exist withoutcoming in each other's
32:04
space. So that kind of evolution is important in any relationship, and I
32:08
think that is the reason why we are so happy together. Otherwise, people
32:12
like us, a couple like us who's working together, living together. We
32:15
are literally twenty four seven together. We go to office together, we come
32:19
back home together. There's no respite from each other, if you come to
32:22
think of it. But we respect each other's space a lot. And when
32:24
there's an argument, we respect that we can have different points of view.
32:30
We don't try to convince each other about our own points of view. Okay,
32:35
you believe in that, I believe in that you do you, I
32:37
do me is a very very important thing that we focus on in our relationship.
32:42
So, you know, and we have very fundamental differences on a day
32:45
to day basis, Like we really like different foods, so the lunch menu,
32:50
dinner menu, which is being cooked at home is different. I follow
32:52
a different diet. He follows a different diet. He likes football. I
32:54
like weight training. I like to go swimming. I like to watch movies,
33:00
movies that we like to watch. He watches different kinds of cinema.
33:02
I enjoy different kinds of cinema. I sleep at a thirty he sleeps at
33:06
twelve o'clock in the night. We are very different like that, but we
33:09
always respect each other's space, and we always make sure that we don't force
33:15
our own opinions on the other person. And when we spend time with each
33:19
other, we laugh, We love a lot. So I think that's the
33:22
most important, beautiful, staying true to yourself and staying true to each other.
33:29
Yes, and staying true to the commitment you have made towards each other,
33:34
especially when life throws a curveball at you. Well, thank you so
33:37
much for joining us today and this amazing honest talk Chavvy. That was really
33:44
really inspiring. Thank you, and I'm sure that our audience, our listeners
33:49
are gonna feel very encouraged by you. Thank you so much everyone. Yeah,
33:53
I wish you and your family all the love, health and happiness in
33:57
the world. And you've listening to Love Matters, a podcast about relationship topics
34:02
that matter to you and me from Indian Express and DW, Germany's international broadcaster.
34:09
If you think there's something we should talk about, please write to us
34:13
at love Matters at DW dot com and don't forget to share our podcast with
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your friends. I'm Evelyn Sharma and I think Love Matters.