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Transcript

Why Modern Dating Is Broken 😂 | Female Stand-Up Comedy · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: Dear DJ, currently working on a project for CNN.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe not.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: You gotta draw them in.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_03: This past week at the club, you were amazing.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_03: I'm interviewing DJs, and at some point would love to interview you.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_03: I do think you should know this.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_03: And it's only because I care.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: I experienced something that I think you should be aware of.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: The woman who sells t-shirts for you tonight, she was on cake duty.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_03: And she yelled at me because I did not want cake.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_03: It's like you didn't know black women did this, did you?
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it was way out of line.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_03: She actually told me goodbye.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_03: And told me to move from where I was standing, which is, by the way, a free space for anyone.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_03: She said it three times and it was beyond angry, and I can't tell you how this broke my heart.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_03: I wrote that.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_03: You know what?
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: You should read things out loud before you send it.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_03: Ida, the bathroom attendant, agrees with me.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_03: I was gonna keep it moving, and you might not ever read this, but I thought you should know about the people in your inner circle representing your brand.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, thanks.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and then I just attached photos of Cake Bitch.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I was taking pictures of her like this and shit.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I got her.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_03: Strong black woman.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_03: That was my reaction.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_03: I I didn't feel like it was strong.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: Like I wish in that moment when she was like goodbye, I wish I had said fuck your cake.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: Huh?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck your bitch ass cake.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck your cake.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: Look, give me your cake.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: Look, I'm fucking your cake.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: That's your cake, bitch.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even like cake, I like pie, motherfucker.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_02: Strictly cobbler, bitch.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_03: That felt so good.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_03: Oh gosh.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna be single forever.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_03: That's the bottom line.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_03: You know what is true is guys do not know how to talk to us.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_03: This is the thing.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_03: They don't know how to talk to us.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_03: Let's start there.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_03: They really don't.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: Like I had a guy, this was his line to me.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_03: He said, I have money.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_03: That was it.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, well, how much?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_03: Don't be vague.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_03: Not on that.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_03: Be specific.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_03: It gets weird, you know, being single, going on dates.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I was one time, I was in between an architect and a guy who could do a headstand.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_03: These were my options.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_03: And the architect is great because women, we like to say what a guy does for a living, you know.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_03: We like to say, oh, he drew that.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, architect.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: Headstand guy, I don't know how to explain that at a party.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_03: If I take him to the party, how am I gonna they go, what do you do, baby?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_03: Go outside and show them.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_03: That amazing headstand that you can achieve.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it is, it's great stuff.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_03: He's on Instagram, it's like in the sun, he's like I went on a date with him.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_03: On a date, he was just he wasn't drinking, which is weird.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_03: That's how you get through a date.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_03: He's just sober facing me the whole time.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_03: So I asked him, I go, Do you drink?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: That's a normal question to ask someone when they're not drinking.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_03: You know, but it threw him when I went the other way.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_03: And this is what he said, I kid you not.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_03: He goes, Well, when I'm at the strip club.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_03: I have sangria.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_03: There's so many problems with that answer.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_03: It's on so many levels, it's just you can't even deal with all the levels of problems in that.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_03: I was in a small restaurant in New York.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_03: There was a guy in the corner just like, yeah, no, you don't want.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: And then I'm wondering, is there a guy at the strip club just chopping fruit for sangria?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: Kiki's good tonight.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_03: Trying to do things different though.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I'm trying to do.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I used to date young.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: I can't date young anymore.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: The court said I can't.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_03: I can't even look at them, though.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_03: I don't mean to.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_03: I just, it's like I said, I age well and they just come at me.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I'll be a hanging out at the GameStop and they just come into my life.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_03: What am I supposed to do?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, you want this?
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_03: Come and get it.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_03: But it was exhausting.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_03: Dating young, uh, this guy was always awake, just looking at me.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what next?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, nothing, motherfucker.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_03: Take a nap.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_03: Shit.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_03: Go to sleep.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_03: This was three whites ago, by the way.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: Three whites ago.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_03: He talked a lot too.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, he talked so much.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_03: I told him, I said, I need some white noise, and I don't mean you.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: Exhausting.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and then he would do things.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_03: One time he left his jeans in front of the toilet, like, you know, like, just the jeans in front of the toilet.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_03: Like, it looked like he took a dump and then just walked away.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_03: Like when I got there, it looked like a ghost was taking a shit.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, why is this ghost constipated?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_03: Get out of here.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_03: So I can't date young anymore.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_03: No more young guys.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_03: Now I'm dating older witches, yeah.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: Well, older guys, they got a lot of baggage, you know.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_03: They're not carry-on, they check in shit underneath that plane.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just hanging out underneath the divorce tree, just waiting for that apple.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_03: Uh.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: It's not a lot of good apples.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm not supposed to be out here.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_03: I'm supposed to be knitting shit for my grandchildren.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm we've been watching you since you were 16.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: We don't think you've eaten since.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's not a revelation.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then the next revelation I actually thought was kind of like a little bit deeper, which is she said, you know, I've been performing my whole life, so I've sought validation from the outside world.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: I've never really gotten in touch with who I really am.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And now I realize what really matters are friends and family.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, wow, that's actually really genuine and real.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like that was a good growing moment.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: But then she has one glass of wine with a friend, but it looks like the friend was hired to play the friend because they didn't speak at all.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, this poor girl got hired to play the friend, she didn't even get any lines.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, that sucks for that girl, you know.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then uh the the next scene is she gets on the phone with her uh agent when she finds out she wasn't nominated for any Grammys, right?
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And this is like a pinnacle moment, like this is a very important moment in the whole documentary because everything kind of culminates to this moment.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: She gets on the phone, she wasn't nominated for Grammy, and she's like, It's okay.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna write the best song ever.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then she does, and then she goes to the top of the charts and she gets everything she ever wanted, and I was like, whoa whoa, whoa! Wait a second.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: I thought this was the moment where you're supposed to be like, it doesn't matter.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: None of this is real.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: What matters is the people that I love.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: What matters is getting in touch with who I am.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go on a silent yoga retreat with my mother.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna get rid of all of my mo all of my material wealth, you know, and I'm really gonna get in touch with what really matters.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go live on a farm for a year.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's what that moment should have been.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: But instead, it's like, I would write the best song ever.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: She does.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, I don't know what the turning point is, right?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what the growth is.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And all I'm saying, when all is said and done, I just feel like a documentary is something you need to earn.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, exactly.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like Amy Winehouse earned her documentary.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: She lived for it, she died for it, she deserves it, and it's a really, really good one.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the one I would suggest you watch.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: There are too many documentaries about alive people.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Pick any dead person, right?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Why are we making documentaries about alive people?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Go live your life, go have a career, well, watch the documentary when you're dead, right?
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: That being said, if anyone wants to make a documentary about my life, I think we'd have some pretty interesting stories.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've had at least as many bad breakups, if not more, than Taylor.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I have.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um I don't know why, you know, it's like I want to find love, but it feels like it's it's hard to find, you know?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I keep having these sort of like, oh, it's maybe, no, it's not, you know, maybe no.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I I fall for narcissists a lot.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: I went out with this one guy who was such a narcissist.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: He once he he really said this to me once.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, I love you more than you love me because I love myself so much.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: You need to love yourself more so that you can love me more.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, actually, I think we both need to love you less.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because the more I love you, the more I hate myself for loving a guy who loves himself so much.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think another clue that that your romance might be on the outs is I think it starts to sizzle the second you start taking off your own clothes.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not laughing, you're worried, by the way.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_04: You're like looking at each other like, are we done?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Is it over?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because in the beginning it's so exciting, right?
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: When it's new and fresh, it's like, you know, you're po you're tearing off each other's clothes, you're making a mess, you're pushing each other up against walls consensually, hopefully.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then gradually over time, you know, you don't see it coming, but it happens very slowly.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: You find yourself politely taking off your shirt and folding it and putting it on your side of the bed, and then he takes off his shirt and his Invisalign and puts it on his side of the bed.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Then you get under the covers, you turn out the lights, and you're like, Why are you Googling Brita filters?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: I thought you found one you liked.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, I had a coupon.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, I guess I'll put my clothes back on.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, I didn't even notice they were off.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, it's over! It's over.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess the point is maybe you guys should all start taking your clothes off right now.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that kind of show! They're like we already did a long time ago.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: First joke in, we were naked.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Our breakup was interesting because he was competitive with me.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: That was a problem we had.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: So one time, just out of the blue, he goes, You know, you're not smarter than me.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Um, it's actually smarter than I am.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then he said, Well, between you and I, I finished college and you didn't.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, uh, it's actually between you and me.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then he said, You and I are done.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, you got that one right.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think another problem in in relationships is uh people don't want to commit anymore, right?
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: People are so scared of commitment.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think commitment is such a complicated thing.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we we make it so complicated, but like, how many people you can't see each other here, but you know, you you guys probably went to the grocery store today or a park.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: How many people did you see?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the two places, right?
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: We can't we're allowed to go to a park or a grocery store, and that that's where you meet people now.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so if you guys were at the store today, I'm sure you saw a lot of people walking by looking at the cereal or whatever.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: And let's say, how many people did you actually want to see naked?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: How many?
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: My guess is not that many.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: My guess is maybe one, maybe another you were curious about.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: So say a miracle happens and the person that you want to see naked in the park also wants to see you naked.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's pretty miraculous, right?
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: The the same person, and then say you do all the steps to get to that place.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like you buy tickets for a comedy show, you go to the listen to a girl talk about herself for an hour, then you know, you you go, you go to an another location, you say all the right things, you you get the person to take their clothes off.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: You you finally get to that miraculous point where you get to see each other naked, and then another miracle happens and you like what you see.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Do you really have to be like, I just want to see if like another miracle happens tomorrow?
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: She said he's two.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, well, he is oversized.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: My boyfriend lives in another state.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: Is anybody here in a long distance relationship?
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: A round of applause.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like someone started to clap and then got scared.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: What back there?
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: Where where does your other half live?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: I can't see.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: Big Bear.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, big bear.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so it's a couple hours from here.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: And like, I but that's not that's not too bad.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: You can drive and see each other.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: My boyfriend lives like uh, you know, I can trump you.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: My boyfriend lives in Seattle, and it's hard because like we oh thanks.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, Seattle's so much better than the other state that she mentioned, Arkansas.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Uh no, so he lives in Seattle.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the thing that I find difficult is I'm not one of those, I don't take like dirty pictures.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I find are anybody here a dirty photo taker?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah?
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: Look at you, clapping.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: You're like trying not to let anyone see clapping.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: You're and that's a this is a very handsome man clapping.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: So you take you send dirty photos.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: What he goes, yeah.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck yeah, I do.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'll take one right now.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh what do you take?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: But like what do men send?
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: Just show me.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: Just show me.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: No, because I feel like I feel like what like I mean, I know you can send like a hot buff picture of yourself, but if you can't just send a picture of your balls out and expect people to be like, oh, thanks, you know.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: But you do?
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: What no, you beat you.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: I like it.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: Do you clapped, I believe?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: You nodded, yes.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so you kind of sent.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: Do you send the whole just to think about her answer?
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, I don't know, what did I send before I got here?
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um you keep the face out.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's smart.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta keep the face out.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: You keep your face out too, right?
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, oh, you're a pro.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, Yeah, dumb bitch, of course.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta keep the face out for sure.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: I've just never been like a dirty texture.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: So when I, you know, so when now that I don't see my boyfriend that often, my friend, one of my friends the other day was like, You don't send dirty photos.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: I said, No.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: She goes, Well, you need to start sending him dirty photos or he's gonna start fucking other people.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, That's it?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: That's my options.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like, this isn't a good relationship.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so, but anyway, but then I was on the road, right?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: And he does, he's always sending me, you know, like requests for boobs, like, oh, just just to show me your tits, you know, he loves me.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm out, I'm like performing, I'm in a hotel, and I was like, you know what?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna do it.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm just gonna make his day.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna send him a photo of my boobs.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: How hard can it be to take a photo of your boobs, right?
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'll just take a snap one, send it off, and then everybody will be happy.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: So I hadn't seen him in a couple months.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I take a quick picture, and I'm like, oh, and then I look at it and I was like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, oh my god, like I can't believe you just file him off like that.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's so difficult to get a decent photo of yourself naked.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't want to brag, but I have nice boobs.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they haven't won any awards, but they could.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: But I look at this photo of them and I'm like, oh my god, like that one looked like an eggplant, and like the other one looked like a traffic cone that had been like backed over, and I was like, I was like, this is awful.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like, this is not what my boobs look like, right?
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: So, so I start thinking, like, okay, I got it.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know, maybe it's the lighting in the hotel has bad, so I turned down that lighting and I put on my iPod and then I'm like turned on a floor fan.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what I don't know what that's gonna do.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: If anything starts waving in the wind, that's not a good sign.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, so I'm in a full-on photo shoot.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, and the big mistake is I had already told him, like, oh, here, you know, one's coming, big guy, you know.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: So now six hours later, he's like, what the where's the picture?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I am going to lunch break.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like, this is work, right?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: So then now I'm like, I need a lighting guy.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, the room surface guy was busy.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: So I I don't know what to do, but I was like, I'm not going to do that without sending him a picture.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I Google image boobs.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I find a pair that I think kind of look like mine.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I sent him those.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: Guess what?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: Totally fucking worked.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: He was like, thanks, babe.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, those were a black lady's boobs.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: I have an older sister.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I was talking about kids earlier.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: I have a nephew, too, you know, and that's like, so I like him obviously better than I like my niece, but uh he's cool.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I love my nephew, but my sister is um she's very religious.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: She's like one of those people who has become religious uh later in life.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you know.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: I I grew up Methodist.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: Anyone here?
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay, Methodist.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: I don't do you know what it is?
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: I grew up Methodist.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: I don't really understand what it is.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: I just know that I was Methodist and we went to church.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't kill anybody and I could dance, you know?
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a pretty, it's a very, it's like a very easy religion, you know?
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I so I'm growing up that way, and now my sister has become very religious later in life.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you know people that have become religious later in life, but I feel like what happens is they become fanatical.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like they're trying to make up for lost time.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I forgot to love Jesus when I was little, so I love him so much now.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, oh my God.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, can't you just have like a crush on him?
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so and I don't want to make fun of her, it's awesome.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: She's doing like really great things with it, you know, and she's raising my nephew to be such a good kid.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like, he is such a good kid.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, here's an example.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: She she recently uh told me he had a he had a girlfriend for the first time.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: He's 16, got his first girlfriend, and I said, Oh, did you meet her?
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, Did I meet her?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: Did I meet her?
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: And then she told me this, proceeds to tell me that her and my brother-in-law and my nephew, and my nephew went over to this girl's house, met the parents, and then he went home, and then my nephew had to call the girl's dad and ask if he could be her boyfriend.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm laughing.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: I like, oh, it's so nice.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um it is nice, right?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like I and it it actually, I think, God, she's raising him to be like a really good boy.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if I like that didn't happen when I was a kid.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like, Ricky Wallace didn't call my dad and say, Oh, hey, can I finger Sarah on the back of a bus?
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: But you know what?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe if he had, I would have turned out differently.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: She's also, my sister, I think what's really um interesting is like she's very um, she forgets that I've grown up with her my entire life.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: So even though I'm really appreciative of the things that she's doing now, uh, you know, in her religion, she forgets that I'm not used to it.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like, here's an example.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: I was home um for Christmas and we were out for family dinner.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: We were at Ruby Tuesdays.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: I don't mean to brag you guys, but and the meal comes, and my sister starts to reach for my hand.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: Now, in my defense, before I tell this story, we never said grace as a family growing up, okay?
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I am not, I don't have a problem with the fact that she's about to say grace.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: I just truly don't know what the fuck she's doing.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: All I know is she's reaching for my right hand, and that's my fork hand, and I'm hungry, so I'm like, get off of me, stop it.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: We don't hold hands at dinner, and she was like, I'm trying to say grace.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: I said, What?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: She goes, I'm trying to say grace.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: I said, What?
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: She goes, I'm trying to say grace.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh god.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then I went, ooh, did I just say it?