Latest / The Inspired Speaker Network / Disrupted for Good: Changes That Led to My Evolution

Transcript

Disrupted for Good: Changes That Led to My Evolution · The Inspired Speaker Network

0:07
Welcome to Evolving with Elle, where a capable woman recognizes what she's
0:15
managing, understands the responsibilities that she's carrying, and chooses
0:21
self-honoring over self-abandonment, and decides to continue, change, or release.
0:31
I am Elle. I bring the mirror, the map, and the message. You choose how you show up in a way that honors your capacity.
0:41
So let's lean in, learn, and evolve together.
0:48
Welcome to Evolving with Elle.
0:54
We are here because as high-capacity women, we are carrying a lot.
1:02
You know, the S word, ton, lot. Okay?
1:10
I don't want to use bad language right now. You don't know me yet. Anyway, I'm kidding.
1:15
So I want to share with you about an evolution and what it takes to evolve and transform.
1:29
And it's not easy, and it's not a solitary sport. I learned that the hard way.
1:41
And so as we are here, I want to share with you what I learned so that you too can lean in to what you're dealing with.
1:54
You can learn and you can evolve as well. This is a journey that we get to go on together.
2:05
So let me share with you my story.
2:15
Mommy, I don't want to live with you anymore.
2:21
Those words I heard from my daughter, they stopped me in my tracks.
2:30
I had to put the dish towel down and look my child right in the face.
2:39
And I saw the seriousness with which she shared that with me.
2:47
It was difficult to hear because you see, I am a successful woman.
2:54
I went from entry level to manager in four years.
2:59
I turned six months working remotely into six years before COVID was ever a thing.
3:07
So you see, I've been able to succeed in my career, but my home life, internally, I was overwhelmed, second guessing myself.
3:22
And there was a lot of things happening all at once, especially for my child to give me that feedback.
3:31
You see, I had lost both of my parents.
3:38
I decided to get a divorce, and then we were in the midst of a pandemic.
3:44
Not only was that a lot for me, that was also a lot for my children.
3:51
And I'd always heard children are resilient, they'll bounce back, but you still have to give them attention too.
4:02
So my child said, hey, I want to live with my dad.
4:09
And as much as that hurt me to hear, I obliged her and allowed her to live with her dad.
4:19
And my child held a mirror up for me and let me know that I was approaching my role as mother in a way that I had promised myself I wouldn't.
4:37
And I was trying to harmonize working, adjusting to a divorce and the grief of losing my parents with still being that great mom, that present mom.
4:53
But that was too many things that I was trying to do all by myself.
4:58
And then I joined a community where someone quoted Nobel laureate Maya Angelou, who said, if you don't like something, change it.
5:10
And if you can't change it, change your attitude.
5:16
Everyone, that is what I did.
5:20
I changed where I needed to change in how I showed up as in my role as a mother, in my role as an employee and a business owner and friend.
5:35
And I changed my attitude around what it means to be a co-parent, a divorce person, changed my attitude around what it means to be a single mom and to mother my children.
5:58
Now that they have a restructured family, meaning their family is into homes.
6:09
So part of that evolution meant I had to understand what my roles were.
6:21
What were the responsibilities for me as a mother, as an employee, as a daughter who's grieving the loss of her parents and as a sibling and now as a business owner?
6:43
That's a lot on your plate. Right.
6:49
And I want to pause right here and ask you a question.
6:52
How many different roles are you juggling?
6:57
How many plates, balls do you have in the air that have you like, in this context, this is what I do in this context.
7:08
This is what I do. I'm trying to balance it all.
7:11
Am I alone in that?
7:14
I don't I don't think so.
7:16
So.
7:19
In understanding my role responsibilities, that also led me into like, hey, why not necessarily?
7:29
Well, yeah, I went on and asked myself the question why I did.
7:34
And that sent me down a rabbit hole or pulse sent me down so many different rabbit holes.
7:41
It wasn't even funny until again in the community that I joined.
7:48
People are like, oh, why are you talking to yourself like this?
7:52
Why are you in analysis paralysis?
7:57
Figure out who you are, who you've been.
8:04
Reflect on that.
8:06
And they began to read my label to me.
8:08
And I'm like, wait a minute.
8:10
That's what you see in me.
8:13
That's how I show up for you.
8:17
And can I show up like that for myself?
8:22
And the answer was yes.
8:25
It was yes.
8:28
So.
8:30
I began to look in the mirror.
8:35
Literally and figuratively.
8:37
Figuratively.
8:44
And I said, if someone.
8:48
Out there can see that I am an open, powerful, free woman.
8:56
Why can't what's keeping me from seeing?
9:03
Well, it was the pain.
9:09
From the life disruptions.
9:13
Parents passing away, children.
9:15
Choosing to live with the, their other parent.
9:20
Other capable parent, which is awesome.
9:23
And then thinking that, hey, because I'm mom, I'm supposed to.
9:29
Have these children with me.
9:36
Expectations much.
9:37
That's actually an expectation.
9:39
One of those rigid rules.
9:41
Because believe me, ladies.
9:45
Gentlemen, expectations are not bad.
9:48
It's the expectations that put you in a box.
9:52
That we get to evaluate.
9:56
And say, is this my choice?
10:02
Or is this something that has been passed on?
10:06
From society, from culture.
10:09
Inherited from family.
10:10
And when you begin.
10:14
To separate.
10:16
The responsibility from the expectation.
10:20
Then you can say.
10:24
It was the rigid rule.
10:27
That kept me from meeting the needs.
10:32
Of.
10:33
Insert child, co-parent.
10:36
Boss.
10:41
And so.
10:47
Reflecting.
10:49
Allowing someone to read my label.
10:54
Tapping into.
10:57
Expectations.
10:59
And then.
11:01
How I am showing up.
11:06
I was on autopilot.
11:08
I was going through the motions.
11:13
Because I thought that was what was expected.
11:19
But these life disruptions.
11:20
Did just that.
11:25
They disrupted my behavior.
11:30
I became more aware.
11:33
Of L.
11:35
I became more aware.
11:37
Of how I was relating.
11:41
At work.
11:42
With my children.
11:44
With the co-parent.
11:46
In my business.
11:49
How was I showing up?
11:56
That was a huge.
11:59
Evolution for me.
12:02
And that is why we're here.
12:05
Because.
12:07
I tried by myself.
12:09
But when I got in community.
12:12
Man.
12:13
Did some choices.
12:15
Open up.
12:16
For me.
12:18
No more predictability.
12:21
No more.
12:22
Operating from pain.
12:25
And certainty.
12:27
Because I thought that was safety.
12:34
And security.
12:36
It actually was a prison.
12:39
It was holding me captive.
12:42
Because in that way.
12:45
I wasn't choosing.
12:48
And so I created.
12:50
A framework called.
12:53
Expect and see.
12:57
And in expectancy.
13:00
There's possibility.
13:02
There's.
13:04
Potential there's.
13:07
Uncertainty.
13:10
And that's where.
13:11
I stepped back into my own power.
13:16
I saw.
13:18
What other people were saying about me.
13:21
I was like, oh, yeah, you're right.
13:23
I am.
13:24
I'm open to share.
13:27
Lessons learned.
13:30
I am powerful.
13:32
Yes, I am.
13:34
I am so powerful.
13:35
I am standing here courageously.
13:38
Sharing.
13:40
Some things.
13:42
That hurt me.
13:44
In the past.
13:47
And I'm able to look at them and say.
13:51
These are the lessons that I've learned.
13:54
And I am leveling up.
13:57
I'm evolving.
13:58
And I want to partner with you.
14:01
To do the same thing.
14:05
Let's step into the unknown.
14:11
And what are you going to learn about me as we.
14:14
Go through the framework of expectancy.
14:18
Is I love movies.
14:20
I love books.
14:21
And music.
14:23
You're going to hear me quote.
14:25
Music movies and books.
14:29
Because as I grew up.
14:33
That was our connection time.
14:36
We would connect around.
14:39
Music and movies.
14:42
Not so much books because we all read something different.
14:46
But my dad.
14:47
When we would be together as a family watching a movie.
14:51
He would pause the movie.
14:53
And ask us what life lesson.
14:56
Do we see in this part of the movie?
14:59
And I have kept that tradition alive.
15:02
And my children are so mad at me.
15:05
Just let us watch the movie.
15:09
There's a purpose.
15:11
And then here's the funny part.
15:13
When they've shown me a movie.
15:15
They paused it.
15:17
The time has been passed.
15:23
There are always.
15:26
Lessons to be learned.
15:28
In the relationships we have.
15:31
The movies, the music.
15:33
And everything that we see.
15:37
And the reason I'm bringing that up right now.
15:40
Because I'm about to tell you about a movie.
15:44
We love Disney.
15:47
So.
15:49
Disney.
15:51
Frozen.
15:52
One and two.
15:56
You get to listen to the music.
15:59
And see beyond the fact that it's a cartoon.
16:03
And we think it's for children.
16:05
Yes.
16:06
And.
16:08
As the adults who take the children there.
16:11
We get to listen deeper.
16:17
And.
16:18
As we listen deeper.
16:21
To the cold doesn't bother me anyway.
16:25
And.
16:27
Let it go.
16:29
The next right step.
16:34
They say something.
16:36
So that would be.
16:37
That would be your homework.
16:38
Check.
16:39
Check.
16:41
The soundtrack.
16:43
Of.
16:44
Frozen.
16:46
And.
16:48
Listen to.
16:50
Encanto.
16:52
Namely the songs.
16:56
About the strong sister.
17:00
And then the song about the sister that always made the flowers.
17:05
Where she said she made something unexpected.
17:10
Check out.
17:12
Those soundtracks and now in that music.
17:16
And you'll tap in.
17:19
To what I mean around expectancy.
17:24
Moving out of those rigid expectations.
17:28
Tapping into what is really your role responsibility.
17:37
And stepping out of.
17:39
Balance.
17:40
Balance is a myth.
17:43
It's harmony.
17:46
When you think.
17:47
Of an orchestra.
17:50
They are harmonizing.
17:54
There's all four of these parts.
17:58
And.
17:59
I'll talk about three of them.
18:04
You have the woodwinds.
18:06
Let's say that's your mother role.
18:10
You have.
18:11
The strings.
18:15
That's you as.
18:18
A woman.
18:21
And then you have the drums.
18:23
That's the rhythm of life.
18:25
It's what keeps the tempo.
18:28
So everything else goes into.
18:30
The drum section.
18:34
And with your role as a woman.
18:39
Woodwinds.
18:40
That is the breath.
18:43
You breathe.
18:45
Into those woodwinds.
18:47
And you make music.
18:50
As a mother.
18:52
Yep, I did get those mixed up a second ago.
18:54
As a mother, the strings.
18:57
You're the bow.
18:58
Your children.
19:00
Are the instrument.
19:03
And you are working together.
19:06
To create music.
19:10
And when.
19:12
The orchestra begins to play.
19:16
They harmonize.
19:18
Sometimes.
19:20
The strings are more prevalent.
19:22
Because when you're as a mother.
19:25
Yep, you gotta really lean into that.
19:29
But the woodwinds are still playing.
19:32
And the bass.
19:34
The percussion is still marking time.
19:41
So it's about harmony.
19:43
Because.
19:45
With balance, you gotta take something off.
19:48
Or put something on.
19:49
In order for balance to happen.
19:51
Harmony.
19:52
They're all going.
19:54
They're all happening.
19:56
You just shift your focus.
19:59
As necessary.
20:01
To tap into them.
20:05
So I want to say.
20:06
Thank you for joining me.
20:08
On this first episode.
20:10
Of evolving.
20:12
With.
20:13
This is a collaborative.
20:17
Exchange.
20:19
I cannot wait.
20:21
To talk more with you.
20:23
Please check out those soundtracks.