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How to Survive and Thrive with Carol Graham · Authentic Living

• 0:31
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a global voice Radio.
• 0:36
  Join Roxanne Derhodge and her thought provoking conversations, the catalyst to live your life
• 0:42
  to the fullest.
• 0:59
  Hi, everyone.
• 1:00
  It's, Roxanne Derhodge again with Authentic Living with Roxanne.
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  So Thanks again for tuning.
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  Another week.
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  I have today, I have a, a special guest, someone I met, just going back about, 3 years
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  ago right now, Carol.
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  Right.
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  Right.
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  Back in, Baltimore, where we were, attending an event together.
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  And Carol, what actually interviewed me at her podcast.
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  I think it's almost about two and a half years ago now.
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  And how things have changed haven't they?
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  Now I have my podcast and Carol was so gracious to come back and to be my guest.
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  So I'm gonna tell you a little bit about Carol and and what all the amazing things that she's
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  done, Carol, has written a, a memoir, which is called battered hope, and and she has a a blog
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  called Never Give Up Hope, which she does.
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  She's also a columnist with the Fund magazine and she won an award, a global 2018 award,
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  global award, 1 women, and this is for given to women who face their fears and she was able to
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  win that award.
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  And, Carol, you can let me know if I'm getting some of these details incorrect.
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  She does a biweekly show, where it's, on never give up hope.
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  She interviews people, that have been through, insurmountable obstacles and have gotten
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  figured out very creatively skipped through it.
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  And along with being a motivational speaker, she's a tea she has a TV show and she's a
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  writer, and she also does something fun, which is all women like to hear.
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  She owns 2 jewelry stores, which I would love to hear more about Carol.
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  And she's a certified health coach a wife, a mother, a grandmother, which is the fun part,
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  I'm sure, and her husband has rescued over Thirty dogs.
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  Wow.
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  That's that's amazing.
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  So, I would love to hear more about that too.
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  I'm sure everybody else would love to hear about Carol, thanks so much, for joining me
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  today.
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  Having me.
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  Yes.
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  So it's been it's been a couple years, but, So I is there anything on on your bio that I
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  missed that you you think, you should mention that, the listeners should should know about?
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  Well, as you were talking about it, I thought, my goodness, I'm a busy person, but 2 weeks we
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  got it.
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  2, two shows a week.
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  That's that's a lot.
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  So I know when we were booking, we were booking a fair amount out.
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  I know what it takes to do 1 a week.
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  But 2, and you're still on that, you're still on that routine to get 2 week and 2 done a week
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  every week?
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  I try to, to maintain, of course, the status on Google, which is I'm number 1 in the area of
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  Oak.
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  That's amazing.
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  It shocked me.
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  Someone pointed it out to me.
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  So it's exciting, but it just shows you that that is a subject that people really are
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  interested in, that they need, that they want, that they listen to.
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  Never.
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  And we all we all need hope.
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  We all need to And we know that life sometimes, throws us, certain things, and it's really
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  about trying to find that sense of of of hope again if it has been, like in your set, in your
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  case, the term battered or shattered, it takes a lot sometimes because sometimes you're you're
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  pulling up the little crumbs to try to kind of figure it out again.
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  So, Carol, tell tell the listeners about your path and how you started in this field and, you
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  know, what inspired you to get into the field to offer or or create hope in the world for
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  people that listen listen to you or watch you on to your TV show or a coach with you.
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  Well, we have 3 hours.
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  Right?
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  Just just under.
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  Well, I'll tell you the story of how it all came about, which I think is very humorous, and
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  you'll probably you'll never understand in a way I do what I do.
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  I have lived in a horrendous life.
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  Let's call it, of, problem of circumstances that have been negative.
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  Everything from me, my mother died when I was very young, to, getting cancer when I was in
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  20s.
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  So Doctor Kelly, I had 2 years to live.
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  I decided to find my own cure because I didn't like, the fact he's at his career gap, and I
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  refuse to accept that.
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  And just many other things being gang raped when I was also and what money left her bed.
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  My husband and I lost 2 businesses due to the practices that we're, at our park that involved
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  in, and they basically robbed us blind.
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  It just, you know, went on and on to the point where you did wanna pick up the telephone
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  because you didn't know what bad news you were going to get and, you know, who died and and
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  who took advantage of you and who stole this from you.
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  We had grown home completely analyzed another burned down by fire.
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  It just went on and on to the point where, like I said, you you have a real logo to get up and
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  put one foot in front of the other.
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  But probably the way that I was raised, it didn't really matter what happened to me.
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  I always decided to look at the great side and to have the right attitude because I knew that
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  was the only thing that would get me through it just like the cancer diagnosis, that was really
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  a pivotal place in my life where I knew that I had to beat this.
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  And so at that point, you don't give a quote because you always are the advocate of I can't
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  do this.
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  I can do this.
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  And that in itself is creating an environment called even around your own, you know, your own
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  mental stability, writing a is, you've got to take something that you can hold on for me in
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  this home or don't say.
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  So the humor to the story is, of course, my daughter did this, and this is, of course, the
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  daughter I was supposed to have.
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  So that's another miracle baby.
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  I was 40 when I had my first child.
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  Wow.
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  So 14 years after the doctor gave me that diagnosis, but I completely turned my health
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  around.
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  And that's also a triggered me to study health and become a a health coach as well.
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  So she kept pushing me.
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  Mommy, you've got to write your story.
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  You've got to write this story.
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  You've gotta get it out.
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  There's so many people even in her generation as the generations are living in the world
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  where fear and validation that we ever did, you know, back when I was throwing up, and there's
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  just so many more things that they have to contend with.
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  She says, my generation to hear your story and give them that whole, but no matter what
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  happens, what they have to endure, that they do come out the other No.
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  I'm I'm not a writer.
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  I mean, you know, I'm dabbling from there and whatever, and I just want you to do that.
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  And she could push me throughout many years anyway.
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  And then she went away to Costa Rica after she had just bought a puppy and the puppy was a
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  little miniature dachshund with her legs about an inch long.
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  And he loved his mommy, and his mommy went away.
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  And so she asked me if I'm gonna take care of the dog right now.
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  And she, took her left and one in her husband and I are sitting at the living room, whether
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  you hear this noise, the thump, the thump, the thump, the thump.
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  And here, coming down the stairs, was this little moving the tab versus name.
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  I'm a little miniature doxy, and he's bringing down his believe a time carrier.
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  And down the stairs.
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  And it's heaviest three times the size of him.
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  You know, he gets it down, scatters back up the stairs, and he proceeded for that evening.
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  Grand down every single one of his possessions, his bowl, his leash, his his, like, we're
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  sitting there like a show watching the go on.
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  This is taking him a lot of time.
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  He goes up the stairs pretty quick, bringing everything down and he gets everything down.
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  He presents proceeding to jump and put his things in this carrier.
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  This dog had locked his mommy, packed his suitcase, and he wanted to go with mom.
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  I mean, it's in front
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  of me.
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  It's my dream, obviously.
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  Wow.
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  I've never heard anything like that, Carol.
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  This is the best thing you can remember.
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  And he proceeded
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  to get everything that
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  he opened in this carrier on any jump inside and try to lift his teeth over the zipper
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  walls.
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  Wow.
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  I don't
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  believe it.
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  What do we love from there?
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  It was a lot late in the evening.
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  We left there in the morning.
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  We went down, opened up.
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  Here he is, and he looks up, like, you're not Monday.
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  Like, you know, it was so it was weird.
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  It was tear jerking.
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  Anyway, so there's one of them I can hide
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  seed.
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  Anyway, so, we couldn't believe it.
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  So I started making notes And during the 2 weeks that we were boarding this little dog,
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  did incredibly funny things.
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  And so instead of me telling her, I put them in luck with pictures.
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  Oh.
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  Her gave it to her to Christmas, and she read it, Ryan and Lapping at the same time.
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  She said, mom, you know, right to the story.
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  And so that's, help them start it.
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  Wow.
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  Get the title and also the covering the book.
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  So she so your daughter did both.
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  Yes.
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  Wow.
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  And she said, I have seen the roofs being battered and never broken.
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  And that's why 2 days ago, that time, I wrote the helped, and I know the story of how it took
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  me a few years.
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  And then from there, when I started getting the reviews and people were talking Oh, they could
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  relate to different parts of the book.
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  I mean, and I have to hear other people's stories.
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  So I just put it out there on LinkedIn.
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  If you have a story of where you've been beaten, etcetera, and, providing verbal
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  circumstances I want to do what I want to share.
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  And within the first hour, the people respond, and it's that's what's gone from different.
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  And now let's never ever heard of a 100 and 40 countries, and the stories are remarkable.
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  And it's all coming because of that little doxy.
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  That's what what I love that story.
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  I get I I and I'm picturing it in my brain because I'm looking at my tears.
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  Right?
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  And I'm like, That must have taken him a long time, but he like
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  I said, it was our evening entertainment.
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  It was a very
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  Oh, okay.
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  So, Carol, you know, I I didn't know.
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  I may have known, but maybe I forgot.
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  But, obviously, early years, you probably were in a lot of dark spaces, right, and with the
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  some of the things that you talked about.
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  And then you get this cancer diagnosis.
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  Like, how did you pull hope been out of yourself.
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  I mean, through desperation, like you said, you know, being gang raped, you know, and and left
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  for debt, you know, At some point, you gotta say, wow.
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  What's going on in this world, right, with all these things happening?
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  How did you find that space within yourself to be able to to connect to that hope.
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  I've been asked that many times and I never really have come up with a solid answer other
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  than my father was a minister.
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  I grew up in a home where faith was very strong, and I knew that god would take care of
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  me no matter what happened to me.
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  So that's where my hope source came from.
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  And then it just, you know, when when you feel that god has helped you in one area, then you
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  know, this is going to help you in another.
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  And so that's where I click my hope, my trust, my faith, and it just becomes a lifestyle.
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  No.
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  I've interviewed a lot of people who have put their faith and they're holding many different
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  faces, but it becomes the white stuff because you know the right to choose how you're going
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  to respond or to react to anything that happens to you.
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  And I push attitude and anybody that has gone through a lot of things, and it shared their
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  stories with me the same thing.
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  It comes down to attitude.
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  It's just like a perfect example is you can to forgive or not.
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  You know, that choice lies in who gets hurt by not forgiving is you.
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  And I and I think a lot of people struggle with that.
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  Would you I mean, I I think, you know, when we talk about, say for instance, something like
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  cancer, I've had another guest on.
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  And, she talked about being so disconnected, to herself and what she had done to herself
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  physically, emotionally, spiritually, that she recognizes now in recovery what she was doing
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  to herself by holding on to certain things.
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  So, you know, when I've heard in, you know, in my kind of tenure in practice, I've heard
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  horrendous stories.
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  Like, I mean, I I wish, you know, these are things that I never wish another human being to
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  hear.
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  But watch this to have people tell me that story, and I'm like, my goodness.
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  And then I hear the resilience and I see people wanting exactly what you're talking about,
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  which is hope peace of mind, to be able to sit in the moment and just enjoy something simple,
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  like maybe having a good conversation with a friend or having a nice meal with a family
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  member or family.
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  You know, they just want everybody we all want the same things.
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  Would you agree?
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  Yeah.
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  Right.
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  And but sometimes what happens is with, what what I know, and obviously, I'm sure you hear
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  this over and over again with the people it's the triggers and the things that come up that
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  are so debilitating because the brain and the body is trying to help you through the brain
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  and the body is equipping you to be able to survive, but it's it's kind of a double edged
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  sword of or a bit of a curse in that you survive but it's it's the shrapnel, the
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  aftermath of what that unresolved triggers and where it takes you either within your thoughts,
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  within your feelings, within your body, that keeps you trapped and protected, which now you
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  don't need to be protected anymore, but you have to, like you said, you have to do
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  something differently.
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  In your case, it's you said it was fake.
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  What other stories?
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  What kind of things have you heard now that I'm gonna assume You've is it mostly women that you
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  interview, or do you find men also come forward?
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  Okay.
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  Okay.
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  What are some of the core elements?
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  And I'm sure you've heard a ton of traumatic, stories.
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  What are some of the key things that you that people use to
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  to get through trauma?
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  1, I think the BT and no matter what your spiritual, places, your, you know, what your
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  beliefs and is is their faith and what they choose to believe in.
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  Many people of course believe in god and how we can help, you know, you through any situation,
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  which is where I chose to put my faith.
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  A lot of people put it in themselves.
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  This is a and and so they build themselves up.
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  And, yes, I mean, as soon as you mentioned the stories, I, you know, I think of a 100 stories
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  And but the core element, I think, is they have to believe in something.
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  And but I when I do public speaking that I've been saying lately as kind of my mantra, kind
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  of like my key, hang on him for safe for my speaking.
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  And god knows the end of your story.
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  And so I don't need the end of my story, but I don't really need to do to get there.
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  And that is I need to believe that I can make that.
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  So if I put that faith in myself, put that faith in my god, you know, I have believed that
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  I'm gonna get there.
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  Otherwise, it's going to happen.
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  You're not gonna get there.
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  You're happy that you're right.
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  There has to be that out, and that's the focus to you know, hope that someone's here, but you
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  want to obtain that.
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  You want to get there so you you hold on to whatever thread that happens to me, and there
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  are many times.
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  And I'm I'm sure you heard the same story.
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  You cried out and said, why?
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  Why is this nothing to me?
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  It's not fair.
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  No.
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  It's not fair.
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  But as a result, being able to help others, and I'm not trying to do that this own safely, but
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  any stretch of imagination but by able to tell others what you have gone through is, you know,
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  probably the greatest that you can never imagine who think that I helped someone else
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  because of what I've been to.
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  Not necessarily in the area of the crisis.
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  You know, I want you to do this because this is what I didn't know, but because I made it and
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  you can too, until it hurts them that no matter how situation is.
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  Hold on to whatever they need to hold on to to make sure that we get to the end of your story
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  because we all have the story.
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  So if if someone is listening right now and I'm sure when we look at the stats with trauma,
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  it's, you know, it's 1 in 3 women that has endured something, a 1 in 6 men, by the time
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  the the age of eighteen, which is that technically is like if you're in a room of six
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  people, there's two people out of six that have something has happened to in their lives.
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  And I often say, you know, as a psychotherapist, that means it could be a small
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  t trauma, which means that maybe my parents were full to a big tree trauma, which could be
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  anything as horrific as almost all the way all the way of of genocide or, you know, any
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  atrocity.
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  So we know that that couldn't.
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  So if someone's listening right now, which I'm I'm hoping a lot of people have tuned in to
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  listen, and someone's lost.
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  Maybe they're hearing you.
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  They're thinking, wow, Carol, that sounds kinda good, you know, god and faith and all that
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  stuff.
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  What would you what would you say to a listener that's listening to us now?
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  That's kinda It's kinda thick and deep, and they're not so sure.
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  What would you what what kind of words of wisdom would you share with them?
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  Well, that's a pretty heavy
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  Yeah.
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  I know it is, Carol.
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  I also wanted to say, we lost a child.
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  After having him for a year.
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  And then recently 6 years ago now, our son, his wife, and our 2 grandchildren for reason, skill
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  to this day unbeknown to us chose to walk away.
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  From our family, and we have not heard any word in 6 years.
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  How do you how do you handle that?
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  And Wow.
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  Looking back, you know, pain is relative.
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  Right?
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  And some people, if their kids locked away from them, they might say, yay.
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  Oh, no.
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  It was a good thing.
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  You know?
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  And so it definitely as well, because of what I had experienced in losing our son running this
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  a year.
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  This is what I was talking about.
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  We're if we have the right attitude as we go through these things, we don't know when we're
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  going to have something else happened in our life that might be very parallel.
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  And so, yeah, I almost literally, I almost died in an open heart, and I son walked away.
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  I was the main caregiver for the future in all of this as far as, babysitting, and that kind
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  of thing and for him to walk in one day to our store, look at us and say, well, first of all,
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  3 days before we have an anniversary or for you the wedding anniversary was a huge go out there
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  that our kids put on for us.
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  It was absolutely beautiful.
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  Pull us how much, you know, our sense and how much she loved us 3 days later.
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  He walked in the store that I never wanna see you looking.
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  Oh my goodness.
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  Yeah.
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  You know, so there's a shop element too, and it has that's what I was thinking of as you were
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  as you were, talking about, you know, what the people when they when they are listening
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  there's many things that happen in their lives that are very shocking.
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  And, you know, how much can you take?
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  And I almost literally died, and there is is a, there are incentives with a heartbreaking.
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  And if people have died from it, and it is that devastating, but even as I mentioned, you're
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  you're keeping on one thing to hold on to just one tomorrow's evening today.
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  The 5:50 is sour.
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  If I can, you know, know, know that god is supporting me and helping me or that I have
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  support system over here.
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  And just concentrating on that instead of concentrating on what you lost or what you're
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  going to.
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  That is the option that does get us through.
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  That's my personal belief, anyways.
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  Mhmm.
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  Mhmm.
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  I'll shop if you love a city.
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  You can take a family in here before or solo service in here or I can just get through this
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  so I can make it and you build yourself up.
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  Yeah.
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  Better at a time.
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  Right?
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  I it's I often say When I get when I get up in the morning, I can see.
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  Right?
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  And I look out my window and I look onto the woods so I look outside and it's oftentimes you
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  know, a sky that is different or beautiful.
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  So I thank god that I can or something bigger than me that I can see that, or you know, I can
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  hear my son getting up in the morning or, you know, knowing that I can get up and and get out
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  of bed, you know, and these, you know, the practice of gratitude is is, you know, and I
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  know we hear that all the time.
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  It kind of it sounds kind of it does, but it really, you know, it it is so important.
• 24:13
  I remember my when my mom was, unfortunately, about 15 years ago, my mom, out of nowhere and
• 24:20
  developed a brain tumor.
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  And, they didn't know it was developing other than she was having, you know, she was, you
• 24:28
  know, having trouble walking, sometimes breathing.
• 24:30
  We weren't sure.
• 24:31
  We thought maybe, you know, maybe stress those types things.
• 24:33
  And and, and then they rushed her in, and they got an MRI done.
• 24:38
  And within minutes, they said, you know, we have to get her surgery because what what had
• 24:42
  happened was they had found this tumor and it was at the base of a brain.
• 24:47
  And the said, well, you know, and then they go into the, you know, what's gonna happen.
• 24:51
  Right?
• 24:51
  So they share with us that, okay, we're gonna do a surgery, but, you know, if anything goes
• 24:56
  wrong, She may not be able to see, smell, swallow, breathe.
• 25:04
  Although, and I'm I'm sitting there going, what?
• 25:08
  But then you realize, right, like what a gifted really is.
• 25:11
  And I remember because I, you know, I I would run back then.
• 25:15
  And I remember, you know, I used to always in my head go, oh, no.
• 25:19
  It's only one k.
• 25:20
  I've got 5 k to go.
• 25:21
  Like, you know, can I do this?
• 25:23
  Can I do this?
• 25:23
  And I remember after she went into the surgery and she was fine.
• 25:28
  I remember going out for a run for the first time after and I was grateful.
• 25:33
  And I never thought I would see running that I was grateful that I had the strength and the
• 25:38
  ability to see was what was around me.
• 25:40
  So it it's funny.
• 25:41
  When you say that, it's perspective, truly, right?
• 25:43
  Because something that I looked at at before from a different lens.
• 25:47
  Now I looked it as a truly a gift that my body could do that, or that I could go and run again
• 25:52
  and really not have anything on my mind.
• 25:55
  That's right.
• 25:55
  Right.
• 25:56
  You know, because I we had been given a gift everything worked out really well, and, and
• 26:00
  she, she got through the surgery.
• 26:02
  You know, so I think it's what you're talking about is, is perspective and really trying to
• 26:07
  to see the see the positive in whatever you have in front of you at that time.
• 26:13
  That's interesting that you brought it up about getting up in the morning.
• 26:16
  Scene because I have who had a woman friend who has become a very, very close friend from the
• 26:24
  entrepreneur and it's interesting how these can offer the call into these kind of
• 26:28
  relationships.
• 26:29
  And she was thirty nine years old.
• 26:31
  She went up one morning, totally fine.
• 26:34
  Oh, wow.
• 26:35
  No indication whatsoever previous to that.
• 26:38
  She had 3 small children.
• 26:39
  Her husband left her because he couldn't cope and he did come back and they rekindled their
• 26:46
  marriage, etcetera.
• 26:46
  But in the meantime, her son who was sick and in later years, he was seventeen years old, was
• 26:53
  attacked, and for no reason being and stabbed to death seventeen times in front of the store
• 27:00
  at 11 o'clock at night on the college campus.
• 27:02
  And he he passed away?
• 27:04
  Did he pass?
• 27:06
  They, because of a state they live in and some discrepancies in whatever the police report he
• 27:12
  got off South Korea.
• 27:14
  And on and on and on.
• 27:16
  This woman has the most phenomenal attitude, and it has come possibly because of what she
• 27:24
  went through.
• 27:25
  And that's why I was stressing that you you are you become your environment, or you become one
• 27:31
  I don't know the words.
• 27:32
  You're you're the psychotherapist.
• 27:34
  Right?
• 27:36
  Well, maybe you know what?
• 27:37
  It truly is just probably the same thing, Carol, but maybe the way we say it's because of
• 27:42
  the field is different, but what I hear is, we call it context dependence.
• 27:46
  If if I lose my sites, then maybe my emotional, ability to anticipate more emotion gets
• 27:55
  heightened.
• 27:56
  Now I've lost this this one sense.
• 27:59
  So something else gets compensated in in some other way.
• 28:04
  I'm up at the heart, and I see the heart.
• 28:08
  And that comes through the other senses too.
• 28:11
  And so it's just, again, as you mentioned, perspective in how we looked at anything that
• 28:17
  happens to us and decide and going to this is gonna make me or break me.
• 28:21
  The choices really are is I'm going to forgive or not to forgive.
• 28:24
  You know, I'm going to move forward or stay back.
• 28:28
  So with your key notes, Carol, so I'm gonna assume you do you probably do keynotes
• 28:33
  throughout the US.
• 28:34
  Do you do them Internationally also?
• 28:36
  I haven't yet.
• 28:37
  No.
• 28:37
  Okay.
• 28:38
  Not yet.
• 28:38
  So Canada.
• 28:39
  Just and Canada.
• 28:41
  Okay.
• 28:41
  Awesome.
• 28:42
  Awesome.
• 28:42
  So tell me what's what is it that, what are some of the things that you you you talk about
• 28:49
  in your keynote pretty much is it some of the things we're talking about now, or are there
• 28:53
  different things that you talk that you focus on when you speak?
• 28:57
  Mostly what we're talking about now.
• 28:59
  Forgiveness, it's huge.
• 29:01
  Hope, of course, looking at things from this is at the end of your story.
• 29:07
  I Since I've been doing that, I've been getting more and more feedback where people are so
• 29:12
  often than we're going through trauma, they're looking at the now only.
• 29:16
  They're not looking at the future and knowing you are gonna get through.
• 29:20
  Whether you've got a past that experience or not, This may be the first one, but you are
• 29:25
  going to get through.
• 29:27
  You are going through is the opposite word.
• 29:30
  You don't have going through I'm not staying here.
• 29:34
  I'm going to get through this.
• 29:35
  And whatever means that they need, whatever sources that they need, to get through that and
• 29:41
  to maintain that this isn't the end.
• 29:44
  This isn't the end.
• 29:44
  And so essentially, it is to more inspirational when I speak than motivational, and it also
• 29:53
  is
• 29:53
  motivational because I'm very often, well, help to to get up when I when I speak to business
• 29:58
  groups, get up and do what they want to do because of the serve action.
• 30:02
  And so a lot about passion as well and to, you know, get off your butt, get off your comfort
• 30:07
  zone, do what you wanna do.
• 30:09
  You know, I would 7 years old before.
• 30:11
  I started my last career.
• 30:15
  67 when you started
• 30:17
  when I started my last career, you know, and we just So there's here's you can't put limits on
• 30:23
  yourself is what I'm trying to say.
• 30:24
  You don't have to say, well, I'm too old, but I'm I'm too busy.
• 30:27
  I'm too bad, or I don't have enough money whatever.
• 30:30
  You find a way to do it.
• 30:32
  And if that's what you wanna do because, you know, let if you don't have any notes, well,
• 30:37
  Absolutely.
• 30:38
  And it it it it is, you know, you recognize when when you put it from that perspective, you
• 30:42
  know, and so many people don't take the risk they're afraid and, you know, and then they'd
• 30:49
  and then they kind of feel like if well, I can't do that because I don't know how and they
• 30:55
  don't have the faith again.
• 30:56
  Again, we're talking about faith and hope.
• 30:59
  That's something I often say that, you know, when you go through a major change, like I have
• 31:06
  in my life before.
• 31:06
  I said, I this is my my explanation of it, Carol.
• 31:09
  I say it's almost like I have to go through this long narrow, maybe dark, dark corridor.
• 31:18
  And I'm gonna go and I'm scared And I'm hoping that there's gonna be light on the other side,
• 31:25
  but I can't I have to keep doing it even if it's if I'm even if I'm tiptoeing a bit at a
• 31:31
  time because at some point, only you can do it, you know, even when you're going through a
• 31:35
  tough time, you know, there's only so much people can support you.
• 31:39
  Right?
• 31:39
  And after a while, then you, you know, people go, okay.
• 31:43
  You know, I've I've supported you.
• 31:44
  Now it's your it's now your turn to kind of step into it.
• 31:48
  And a lot of times people get so scared that they they won't take that path down the road
• 31:52
  because they're, you know, they're overwhelmed by things that, I'm I think of some of the
• 31:57
  changes I've made in my life and it was overwhelming at the time and and Yeah.
• 32:01
  Realized.
• 32:02
  Comfortable now.
• 32:03
  Now.
• 32:04
  Yeah.
• 32:04
  Had I known what I know now?
• 32:07
  You know, I would have I would have probably picked up the pace in the dark, but you know,
• 32:11
  it's it's it's normal human instinct.
• 32:13
  They, gentleman I was coaching last week, who had known for a number of years, and I have
• 32:18
  encouraged him to step out of his comfort zone because he has so much to opt in the area of
• 32:23
  coaching and speaking and, you know, etcetera, etcetera.
• 32:27
  And he's he could be a writer.
• 32:30
  I mean, he's got awesome work, and he's never written anything.
• 32:33
  You know, I've I've read some of the stuff that he writes, like, just give me stories or
• 32:37
  whatever.
• 32:38
  And so I started to encourage him and tell him, you know, he's got to do, and and he looked at
• 32:42
  me with almost tears running down the space.
• 32:44
  And he said, at my age, I'm afraid I don't have room for another failure.
• 32:52
  No.
• 32:52
  I mean, my for one thing, I don't think it's a fail.
• 32:55
  It's his perspective.
• 32:56
  Right?
• 32:57
  He's a successful man in many arenas.
• 33:00
  So I said, and I I laughed him.
• 33:03
  And I you know, basically, I said fear of failure is one of the biggest lives that we
• 33:09
  hear.
• 33:10
  First of all, who's gonna know if you fail?
• 33:13
  You're putting up your own your own, limits or whatever, and you think your dad don't reach
• 33:20
  this for my goals.
• 33:21
  If I don't do this, I failed.
• 33:23
  Failure is relative.
• 33:24
  Right?
• 33:26
  And so who's gonna know if you pay off you're the only one.
• 33:30
  And who cares what you think?
• 33:31
  You know?
• 33:33
  I basically get out there and he got anyway, we chatted for a couple hours and we got so
• 33:37
  encouraged that you're right.
• 33:39
  I said, you know, we're used to in the corporate world or the business world or
• 33:43
  whatever.
• 33:44
  We fail.
• 33:44
  Everybody knows it.
• 33:46
  Like, oh my goodness.
• 33:47
  You're embarrassed and you're humiliated in one thing.
• 33:49
  I said, if you fail with what you try to do online, who's gonna know, like, your followers
• 33:53
  might might fallout.
• 33:55
  It's so locked.
• 33:56
  You know, if you don't take make the attempt, I never in a million years would have guessed
• 34:01
  that my crazy life you know, and stop speaking about hope will put me as number 1 in the
• 34:08
  Google search.
• 34:09
  Like, oh, what?
• 34:10
  You can't buy that.
• 34:11
  Oh, geez.
• 34:12
  I don't know.
• 34:13
  That would cost a lot of money.
• 34:14
  You can't.
• 34:14
  You can't throw a lot of money.
• 34:16
  Right.
• 34:16
  Yeah.
• 34:17
  Exactly.
• 34:18
  Absolutely.
• 34:19
  That's right.
• 34:20
  But it just goes because you want it.
• 34:22
  You're gonna go for it.
• 34:24
  You're not gonna let anything keep you from from your goal, and if you and the other thing
• 34:29
  is you can't beat yourself up.
• 34:32
  Yeah.
• 34:32
  If you have a fallback or a setback or whatever, kick your feet up and you start a
• 34:37
  camp.
• 34:37
  Like, so what?
• 34:40
  You know?
• 34:40
  You always learn.
• 34:42
  Right?
• 34:42
  That's what I have a
• 34:43
  alert.
• 34:44
  Absolutely.
• 34:45
  And then Oh, well, now I've learned I can't do that, or maybe I should explore this
• 34:50
  differently.
• 34:52
  Well, I'm not gonna try that exactly the same way again, but that was a good exploration.
• 34:56
  And, you know, I think of some of the consulting that I've done over the couple
• 35:00
  couple years.
• 35:01
  And it taught me so much about myself, right, and I and then I learned what I didn't want.
• 35:09
  And I knew more of what I wanted to be, which, you know, positioned me exactly where I wanted
• 35:13
  to be, which is basically speaking and coaching and consulting with companies.
• 35:19
  Right?
• 35:20
  And, but again, had I not gone through those other situations?
• 35:24
  I may have gone down a different path and you know, and and the belief, and I don't know if
• 35:29
  you when a door shuts, this is the way I look at it is.
• 35:33
  That's the universe saying that door is not for you.
• 35:36
  And then, okay, I need to move along and find the other next door that's a jar or open for me
• 35:41
  because those are other things that I need to floor.
• 35:43
  Whereas when I was younger, I used to I used to think, why is this not working out?
• 35:48
  How come?
• 35:49
  Like, I, you know, I've done this.
• 35:50
  I've done this, and I've done this.
• 35:51
  And then try again and then the universe still shuts that door.
• 35:55
  So now I kind of look at it and go, okay, that door shuts.
• 35:58
  Time for me to try something a little bit, differently.
• 36:01
  So I think it's you're right.
• 36:03
  It's mindset.
• 36:04
  And what is feeling?
• 36:05
  Feeling is learning a little bit more about yourself.
• 36:09
  And giving you wisdom towards, you know, where whatever path you're going on.
• 36:14
  And, so in reference to coaching, you do coaching with men and women.
• 36:19
  And so you said you deal with entrepreneurs.
• 36:22
  You deal with and people that are going through, obstacles.
• 36:27
  And just do, do you do group coaching?
• 36:29
  Do you do individual coaching?
• 36:31
  What kind of coaching do you do?
• 36:32
  I do individual.
• 36:33
  And as actually just this past week, a few people have asked if we could start some doing
• 36:39
  some group coaching.
• 36:41
  Okay.
• 36:41
  Okay.
• 36:42
  So I'm not sure what that's going to involve.
• 36:45
  For us.
• 36:45
  Right?
• 36:46
  Right.
• 36:46
  Right.
• 36:47
  Right.
• 36:47
  Now do you have a community?
• 36:49
  Do you have a battered hope community that's online?
• 36:52
  If anybody's listening, do you you know, I know sometimes people start communities.
• 36:56
  Do you have something like that online, or you don't?
• 37:00
  Okay.
• 37:00
  Okay.
• 37:01
  So, in reference to people getting ahold of you, I want you to I don't know if you wanted
• 37:09
  to hold up your book again and tell people where they can get it.
• 37:12
  I would love for people if they'd like to reach out.
• 37:15
  Is it available on your site, or is it on Amazon?
• 37:18
  It's on both.
• 37:19
  Yes.
• 37:19
  It's a piano website.
• 37:21
  And, actually, if you look up Hope, if you Google Hope, I'll be there.
• 37:25
  I you know what?
• 37:26
  I'm gonna do that because I know how hard it is to get your your, any any brand up up up high.
• 37:33
  So and you're you're just, if I put hope?
• 37:36
  Well, it depends upon the search, but, I mean, that some people say that as soon as they put
• 37:40
  hope and others, of course, never ever give up hope or, you know, it's all over the place, but
• 37:45
  it's pretty easy to remember.
• 37:47
  So never have a physical pope or battered Hope or hope for Carol Grams or, you know, you know,
• 37:54
  pop up.
• 37:54
  And, one of my blogs is personal blog that I like to share mostly funny animal stories
• 38:01
  because it's about the animals.
• 38:04
  And that that's a whole other group of people.
• 38:08
  But everybody enjoys a good story, and everybody enjoys true stories.
• 38:12
  And that's what I'm all about is is the true stories of people.
• 38:18
  My true stories and truth is stranger than fiction.
• 38:20
  And you hear it all.
• 38:20
  This is as you and your business use.
• 38:25
  Oh, of course.
• 38:26
  Of course.
• 38:26
  The, you know, I I've heard so many amazing stories in my life, and you know, and I always
• 38:32
  think, you know, you can't create a story that's that's you know, out there sometimes,
• 38:40
  and you think, there's no way someone kind of made that up.
• 38:43
  Sometimes the stories I've heard, and they're amazing, or or stories of resilience or you
• 38:48
  know, people telling me things that they've done to get through.
• 38:51
  I often say that, with my clients through the years as I in my practice, I used I've I've
• 38:57
  learned hope and resilience from them because every time I heard a story and, I'll give you
• 39:05
  an example and I, you know, when I deal with trauma stories and, there was one woman she
• 39:10
  was, gang raped, unfortunately, and had a son And, then at the time she was coming to me, he
• 39:18
  was getting of age where he was getting serious with someone.
• 39:21
  So he had not known his origins prior to.
• 39:24
  So she was trying to come forward with me to figure out what was the best way and what leg
• 39:30
  see she was trying to create because she had raised.
• 39:32
  She had done a great job with this young man and didn't want to, you know, in any way, like
• 39:39
  you said, the beginning of what happened was not who he became and what what kind of, she
• 39:46
  she, you know, he was a great son, he was a great person, but he was then asking questions
• 39:51
  because he was getting serious about someone.
• 39:53
  And I looked at the strength that it took in this woman to be able to raise this, you know,
• 39:58
  amazing young man and, you know, and how she delivered, you know, I'm trying to remember the
• 40:03
  story, but she really, you know, didn't get into the details other than she said that he
• 40:09
  was, you know, everything that she's created, it wasn't a good beginning in the relationship
• 40:15
  and, didn't share, the entirety up from what I remember.
• 40:19
  But that, you know, she just looks at, that god gave her something that's impeccable, and to
• 40:26
  her, she looks at him as a gift every every single day.
• 40:29
  So talk about looking at adversity and creating something like you say, how will this story
• 40:35
  end?
• 40:35
  I love that, Carol, because with trauma, you're so right.
• 40:39
  People look in the moment, and they get so, myopic, I call it, or centered just on the
• 40:46
  trauma that they don't look past it.
• 40:48
  And trauma sets you back into the rearview mirror Right.
• 40:52
  Which really stifles, that person.
• 40:55
  And then, you know, once they kind of get the right assistance, they start to recognize
• 40:59
  that's not me.
• 41:01
  That's something that happened to me.
• 41:02
  So, and once they're able to do that, they're able to reconnect with hope.
• 41:08
  Go ahead.
• 41:08
  Go ahead, Carol.
• 41:10
  As you're talking to, I want to give a word of encouragement to people who say, how can I grow
• 41:17
  this?
• 41:18
  Many people have gone through a lot of things, and you and you may look at them and say,
• 41:23
  you're so strong.
• 41:25
  And, you know, I've been never done this.
• 41:27
  You've got incredible strength and and so you're kind of labeled wrong person.
• 41:33
  Somebody pointed out this to me years ago, and I so appreciate this.
• 41:37
  And it's the strong people that need your encouragement more than a week.
• 41:44
  And I never thought about that before, and now I see that.
• 41:47
  So people in my life, life especially in, you know, the people that I'm dealing with with the
• 41:53
  show, etcetera.
• 41:55
  I encourage them because most people would oh, you're so strong.
• 41:59
  I wish I could be more like you, but you know what?
• 42:02
  They need that too.
• 42:04
  They need to to say, you know what?
• 42:05
  Is there anything that you talk about.
• 42:08
  Is there anything that I can maybe help you or help you get a new perspective on?
• 42:12
  Because they're always looking at me and so What happens is the draining constantly.
• 42:18
  Draining is you might have a big friend that you're all looking for advice Right.
• 42:23
  Whatever.
• 42:24
  They need to.
• 42:26
  Absolutely.
• 42:27
  And I I often say the emotional person because they show it it's a smart way to get help, but
• 42:34
  sometimes the person that is so well put together that what happens is it it's almost
• 42:40
  that they need to develop capacity to ask for help.
• 42:43
  Yeah.
• 42:48
  How are you doing?
• 42:48
  I know, you know, I know you've you've been through a lot of things and you look unscarred
• 42:53
  and you're always well dressed.
• 42:56
  How are things with you?
• 42:57
  Truly.
• 42:58
  And I think, you know, I've seen both.
• 43:00
  You're so right, but sometimes the most put together people and I've seen this in my
• 43:06
  practice or just people that I've known or sometimes the people that need the most help.
• 43:10
  Yes.
• 43:11
  Well, they need the encouragement.
• 43:12
  They need that support.
• 43:14
  Right?
• 43:15
  I Right.
• 43:15
  And and when somebody pointed that out to me, because I and the other thing I think that
• 43:19
  strong people have a tendency to doing the is denying that, oh, no.
• 43:23
  I'm fine.
• 43:24
  I'm fine.
• 43:24
  You know, everything's good.
• 43:26
  And it's like, really?
• 43:29
  Okay.
• 43:29
  How can it be?
• 43:32
  You know, and pull it out of them because there's an element of pride here too.
• 43:36
  Like, I've helped both people, and I pulled myself up I'm Shirley, I must be.
• 43:41
  You know, I'm okay.
• 43:43
  No.
• 43:44
  I need the word.
• 43:45
  Hey, Nola.
• 43:46
  I'm I've got you back.
• 43:48
  Right.
• 43:49
  I could tell you as a therapist, you know, I need help.
• 43:53
  I can't I mean, in the
• 43:54
  Of course.
• 43:55
  Yeah.
• 43:55
  I have the support and that I have people that I go to weekly to be able to get that help,
• 44:01
  right, but maybe there's other people that with not the same backgrounds.
• 44:05
  Like, you're right.
• 44:06
  That they just need people to to just say, Hey.
• 44:09
  Here are you doing?
• 44:09
  And that's that's such a such a simple thing.
• 44:12
  So, Carol, this has been an amazing, experience that, you know, not alike, me being on the
• 44:18
  other end.
• 44:19
  So I thank you because you were probably one of the first blogs that I, saw the podcast that I
• 44:25
  did when I, launched my book.
• 44:27
  So thank you so much.
• 44:28
  And now I'm to be able to interview, you has been an honor.
• 44:33
  So is there any last words that you want to share with the listeners?
• 44:37
  I want you to tell them exactly what your website is and how to get ahold of you, and
• 44:42
  what maybe any other social media that you're on.
• 44:45
  Okay.
• 44:46
  Basically, all social media is under either battered folk or never ever give a quote.
• 44:52
  And contact me.
• 44:54
  You know, if you have a story you want to share, you want to get out there, call you to
• 44:57
  overcome.
• 44:58
  Or on the other end, you could just need somebody to chat with, you know, yeah, or or
• 45:04
  tell me your story.
• 45:05
  How do I get through this?
• 45:06
  I'm available.
• 45:08
  And Facebook.
• 45:12
  My website, never ever give a quote, battered hope.
• 45:16
  On and on and on this, my job at the banquet again,
• 45:18
  I called.
• 45:20
  You see, that that that gives me Really nice context to your beginning story, and now we're
• 45:25
  ending with something we would use.
• 45:28
  And if you have a doc that needs rescuing, don't contact me.
• 45:34
  We've done far too many.
• 45:36
  Oh my goodness.
• 45:37
  Oh my goodness.
• 45:38
  Oh, anyway.
• 45:38
  Thank you, Roxanne.
• 45:39
  This has been awesome.
• 45:41
  Thanks so much again, Carol, for spending the time.
• 45:43
  So everyone, thank you.
• 45:46
  So, hopefully, as you can hear from what Carol shared is that hope is just something, that at
• 45:53
  times we all struggle with that in life, but it's really about perspective of finding that
• 45:58
  bigger thing, that helps you stay focused on, on universally while we're here, or just to
• 46:04
  remember the little things, like I said, you know, seeing something beautiful or smelling
• 46:10
  something or having, you know, your favorite cup of tea, just a small thing sometimes is all
• 46:16
  that we need.
• 46:17
  And my Carol said, this is not the end of the story.
• 46:20
  I love that line.
• 46:21
  That's absolutely amazing because what a nice way to pop us back in reality, because a moment
• 46:27
  in time is not our story.
• 46:29
  So again, thanks again for listening to authentic living with Roxanne.
• 46:33
  If you'd like more in information on authenticity, leadership, and mental health,
• 46:38
  and well-being.
• 46:39
  Please go to my website at broxendurologic.comforward/ course, and there's
• 46:45
  a free course, that you can sign up.
• 46:48
  So thanks again.