Latest / Impact Ready / 202. Making Better Decisions: Your Internal Guidance System

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202. Making Better Decisions: Your Internal Guidance System · Impact Ready

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  Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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  your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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  Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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  energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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  make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
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  Hello, team. Welcome to the show, and I hope
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  you're having an awesome week. Today I want to talk about this
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  internal guidance system that we have within us.
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  All of us have this internal guidance system that we can
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  leverage, that we can use to help us make decisions, but we
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  don't often realize that it's there.
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  And it's all about utilizing and leveraging the way that we feel.
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  The way that we feel often serves as a signal as to whether
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  or not we are in a good situation or a bad situation,
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  whether or not we are content with where we are or whether we
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  want to change and create a different scenario for
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  ourselves. And when you can start to tune
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  into this internal guidance system and start to recognize
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  and utilize that information that you're getting from those
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  feelings, you can become a really powerful captain of your
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  life. But not many people think about
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  this when I'm in coaching conversations with clients,
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  especially clients who are newer or even people who are exploring
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  a coaching process, I will often offer the question, how do you
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  want to feel? And the reason I ask it is
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  because I want to get a sense of how in tune this person is with
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  their internal guidance system. And I get a lot of different
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  reactions to that question. You would think that this was
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  going to be a really easy question to answer, but for so
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  many people, it's very hard for them to come up with something.
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  Some people respond by saying, wow, I have no idea how I want
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  to feel. Some people will try to cobble
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  together a quick answer because they want to be right.
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  They don't want to fail the the test.
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  Some people will actually start to tear up.
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  One client I spoke to recently actually burst into tears when I
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  asked her that question. How do you want to feel?
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  And she started saying, I'm so sorry.
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  Nobody's ever asked me that, and I'm not very good at thinking
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  about how I want to feel. Now.
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  I wasn't very surprised by this. In fact, a lot of people say
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  something along those lines. It's rare that we get asked that
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  question. For a lot of people, it's rare
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  that they think about that answer.
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  How do you want to feel? How do I want to feel that
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  attentiveness, that intention around that question?
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  When you ask somebody, it can take them off guard because a
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  lot of people don't ever have that type of connection in a
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  day. But what I notice is when I ask
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  that question, sometimes people will try to answer it by telling
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  me what they want to do. I'll say, how do you want to
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  feel? And they say, well, I'd love to
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  put this team together and take some of the load off of this
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  person. And then I would like to be able
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  to separate myself from the project and not take so much
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  work home. And I always say, you know what,
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  that's great. I love what you said.
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  I think that's valuable. But you didn't answer the
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  question. That's not how you want to feel.
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  That's what you want to do. And again, they're caught off
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  guard because emotions or feeling words can be hard for
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  people. And that's fine.
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  We can understand why a lot of people are not encouraged to
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  talk about their feelings much at all.
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  But in regard to the client who said I'm not very good at
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  thinking about how I want to feel, I disagree.
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  Because we are always using feelings as an internal guidance
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  system, a compass. We just might not be aware of
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  it. Every decision we make is
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  because we are seeking to feel a certain way, or more
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  specifically, to feel different than we do in that moment.
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  Let's think of some examples. Take people smoking.
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  They might be smoking because they want to feel calm or at
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  ease, or like they belong to the group outside smoking.
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  Or maybe they want to feel cool or have status.
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  Let's think about why people work out.
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  Maybe they want to feel strong, or less stressed or more
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  confident, or to belong to a community of people who work
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  out. Maybe we want to feel
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  endorphins, or we like the burn of working hard.
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  Why do people scroll on their phones?
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  Maybe to feel comfort, or to feel disengaged, or to feel
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  entertained or distract themselves from some other
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  uncomfortable feeling or situation.
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  Why do we go on dates? Maybe it's to feel loved or to
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  belong or feel valued. Maybe it's to be entertained, or
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  feel connection or community or joy or excitement.
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  All of the things we do in life are to achieve a certain feeling
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  or change a feeling to something different than what we're
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  feeling now. And just because we're not aware
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  of that doesn't mean that we're not doing it every single day,
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  all day long. In my world of coaching, I work
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  with a lot of entrepreneurs, founders, executives, people who
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  are in business, and many people will say that they make
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  decisions based on logic. And I don't disagree that logic
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  is part of the equation. But people who say they're
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  making decisions based on logic alone, they're lying in
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  themselves because they also are seeking to feel a certain way,
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  even if they're not aware of it. If somebody is saying that
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  they're going to make a very logical decision and they've
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  weighed out all the pros and cons and they're going to decide
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  simply based on the most logical solution.
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  They are still wanting to feel safe, reduce risk of failure,
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  feel certain, feel validated, and feel confident about that
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  decision. They also are seeking to feel
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  certain things. Now, why does this matter?
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  Why do we care that we make our decisions based on feelings?
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  First of all, knowing this helps us so much.
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  Because if we think of our feelings as an internal guidance
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  system helping direct us to a life that feels aligned and
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  joyful to us, the more aware of how we want to feel, the better
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  decisions we can make to get to that place.
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  For example, if someone wants to feel more freedom, if they want
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  to feel seen and valued, to feel like they're part of a team, to
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  be excited about their work, that might be very informative
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  about a job that they're in where they're working 80 hours a
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  week for a boss that doesn't care about them doing work, that
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  feels like drudgery. So many people feel like that
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  They're in the sludge, they're in the drudgery, and yet they
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  want to feel all these different things.
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  Our feelings and emotions help tell us whether to hold steady
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  in our current state of being or to make a change.
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  And then, because we know that we want to feel those feelings,
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  it helps us decide the best course of action.
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  Neurologists have discovered that when emotions and feelings
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  are impaired, we actually lose the ability to make decisions
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  because we have no signal of what to pursue and what to
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  avoid. Our feelings about things allow
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  us to mark situations and circumstances as good, bad, or
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  neutral. Without those tools, emotions,
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  and feelings, we lose our ability to decide.
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  Knowing this as a coach has been incredibly helpful because for
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  my clients who have a hard time making decisions, we can often
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  get to the root of understanding why that is.
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  And so often it's because they do not know how they want to
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  feel or they're afraid of exploring that.
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  Our feelings and emotions are a crucial part of our ability to
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  make decisions. Let me pause here for a second.
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  If you're listening and thinking I'm capable of more or this is
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  the level I want to operate at, this is for you.
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  I work privately with a small number of high performing
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  leaders who are ready to elevate how they show up in their
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  business and in their lives. This isn't motivational
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  coaching, it's precision work. We refine your energy,
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  strengthen your ownership, and eliminate inconsistency so your
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  impact becomes undeniable. If you're ready for that level
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  of growth, book a private call through the link in the show
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  notes. We'll see if it's a fit.
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  All right, back to the episode. Secondly, knowing how we want to
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  feel can help us increase our tolerance to discomfort and
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  things that we don't enjoy. Not everything in life is
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  enjoyable. Not everything in life is easy
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  and pleasurable, and we've talked about this idea of
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  building up our tolerance to extremity to uncomfortable
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  things. This goes hand in hand with the
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  idea of building that muscle to be able to put off small rewards
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  for long term gains or goals. Meaning that in the short term,
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  you might not choose the comfort of your couch in some Netflix
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  when you know you need to go to the gym and work out so you can
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  do that hike with your spouse in a couple of months.
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  In Europe, you put off the small rewards and comforts for the
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  bigger dreams and goals, and when you root yourself in the
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  way that you want to feel, it is such a powerful motivator and a
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  powerful why. You can make hard things, the
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  more challenging habits or the discomfort you experience more
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  attractive if you learn how to associate those things with
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  positive experiences and emotions.
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  Now this is a little bit about shifting your perspective.
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  Yes, getting up early and working out might be a little
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  uncomfortable, but when the emphasis and the weight is put
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  on the feelings that you might get from that confidence,
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  strength, pride, achievement, peace, all of that, all the
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  millions of things that you get from working out, those feelings
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  that you desire become more important than the alternative,
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  which is the short term discomfort of sleeping in and
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  chilling out at home. As you practice this, you start
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  to associate the things that are hard with the positive
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  experiences. So for example, working out and
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  feeling strong and more confident.
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  You associate that with feeling good in your clothes and being
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  able to do that crazy adventure that your friends wanted to do
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  this summer and being able to dance all night at your favorite
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  concert. Essentially, the way you want to
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  feel the emotions that you've identified that are so
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  important, they start to trump some of the other experiences of
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  discomfort that allow you to get there.
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  You might have to go through a lot of uncomfortable emotions
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  when you're building your business, but your eyes are on
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  the prize of how it will feel eight years down the line when
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  you have a successful exit. You might hate dating.
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  You might find it thoroughly unenjoyable to go on these one
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  or two dates with somebody and do the small talk and the
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  awkward conversation. But you know that the big desire
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  is to meet someone who can be your teammate in life, someone
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  you can build a family with and feel all those emotions of love
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  and joy and companionship and all of that.
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  We tolerate discomfort better when we know why we're doing it
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  and what we're wanting to feel. In my experience, there are a
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  lot of great reasons why it's helpful to know the emotions and
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  feelings you want to experience. But to start this week, ask
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  yourself that very question, How do I want to feel?
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  Spend some time thinking about it.
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  Maybe write some things down and do an audit of where you feel
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  those things in your life. I'll tell you this, most people
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  are really surprised that they already experience a lot of the
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  feelings that they desire. They're already experiencing
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  every day, and they actually have access to those feelings at
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  any time. They just aren't paying
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  attention to it. They're missing a lot of the
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  beautiful moments because they think that they have to achieve
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  some milestone or or certain viewpoint in life to be able to
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  feel those things. This exercise can be as much of
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  a wake up call as it is informative.
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  So my challenge to you this week is to ask that question, how do
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  I want to feel and start to explore it and see where you
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  have access to that in your life already.
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  And if you don't, if you're struggling in some big areas,
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  use that information as your internal guidance system.
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  Make it your compass so that you can start making decisions that
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  will take you in the direction of the life you really want to
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  be living. It is a powerful tool, something
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  that seems simplistic, but can be life changing.
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  All right team, that's all for today.
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  Thank you for being here. Have amazing rest of your week.
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  And as always, thank you for being ready to impact.
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  Thanks for listening to Impact Ready.
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  I hope today's episode inspired you to own your impact and
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  recognize that you are powerful. By elevating our energy and
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  awareness, we can create exponential change in this life.
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  If you enjoyed today's insights, share them with a friend and
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  subscribe to the show for more. I truly appreciate you.
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  Thanks again for being here.