Latest / Dear Chelsea / Minisode: My Precious with Chelsea + Catherine

Transcript

Minisode: My Precious with Chelsea + Catherine · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, guys, here are my dates for the High and
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Mighty Tour. In September, I will be in Santa Barbara,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: San Diego, New York City, Philly, and New Haven, Connecticut.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise, Idaho,
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: and Spokane. And then in November, I'll be in San Francisco.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Houston, Dallas, babies. I'll be there.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: And then in December, I am closing out my tour
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: in Denver and Vancouver. So get your tickets at ChelseaHandler.com
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: for the High and Mighty Tour.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Hello.
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: Hello, Chelsea.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: Hello, Catherine.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: First of all, I just want to apologize to our
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: listeners for the amount of ads that run during these minisodes.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: I listened to a couple of minisodes on our break
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: and I realized that it is ridiculous. So I'm going
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: to see if there's anything I can do about it.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I don't know that there is because that's how everybody
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: makes money, I guess.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: But I just want you to know I'm aware of
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: it and I'm sorry. Yeah.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: And you know what? There's always that 15-second forward button.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: Or you can listen... Ad free on Netflix. That's the
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: other thing is you can look at it on Netflix
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: and there's no ads. Okay. So are you ready for
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: an update? This is like a slightly vague update, but
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: it is an update nonetheless.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: A slightly big update. Sure.
• 1:18
  Speaker 4: Well, Christina called back in 2023 and she was dating
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: a guy that was 13 years older than her. And
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: she kept being like, so where are we going? And
• 1:27
  Speaker 4: he sort of refused to have that conversation. But she
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: says she has a happy update. Dear Chelsea, I hope
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: everything's going well. I was on the podcast maybe three
• 1:37
  Speaker 4: years ago now.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Yikes.
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: Afterwards, I stopped going to therapy, broke up with the
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: guy I was so perturbed about at the time, and
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: remembered a lot of what Chelsea said, mostly just to
• 1:47
  Speaker 4: get over it, which I appreciate.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: Single life has been interesting since. I tried to be
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: a lesbian, but it turns out.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: Get over it. Get over it. That sounds like me.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:56
  Speaker 4: She said, I tried to be a lesbian, but it
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: turns out I'm not, I guess. I also met a
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: Jewish man who could have been my soulmate, but then
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: he told me he couldn't have anything serious because I'm
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: not Jewish.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for real.
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: I still listen to your podcast religiously, and whenever I'm
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: about to make a bad decision, I hear Chelsea saying, no.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: Haha, Christina.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's sweet.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: I like that.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: I love that. So just like a thank you.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: The edification of mujeres.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: Yes, indeed.
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: All right, well, our first question today, we're going to
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: do all read-onlys today, but our first question today is, like,
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: pretty juicy. So Rebecca says, Dear Chelsea, I'm stewing and
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: angry and wanting to blow up my life and maybe
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: leave my romantic partnership. I'm in my late 30s, had
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: my first baby a year and a half ago with
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: a partner who I thought was a perfect fit for me,
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: and we were both older and ready to be parents,
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: so we moved quickly and got pregnant after.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: Nine months of dating on the first try.
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: We both adore our kid and are both great parents,
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: but there's a huge problem that is literally the only
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: solitary reason we have fights, and they're explosive, make-me-want-to-run-away-forever fights.
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: So my partner's dad was accused five years ago for
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: alleged sexual abuse of a minor, and then after more
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: boys came forward, he was arrested and indicted on 13
• 3:10
  Speaker 4: counts of abuse from multiple middle school-aged boys over the
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: course of several years. He worked with youth at his job.
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: That's the thing. They're always like they put themselves in
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: the right place for that. He has had two trials since,
• 3:23
  Speaker 4: both of which ended in mistrial and hung jury. So
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: he's technically not guilty and he's living life a free
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: man all these years and now awaiting his third trial.
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: This last trial was almost a unanimous vote, 11 guilty,
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: one could not decide. I don't believe for a second
• 3:38
  Speaker 4: he's innocent. My partner's family are all supporting his innocence
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: and claiming all the victims are making it up. Eye roll.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: I've let his whole family know I'm not interested in
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: being around him, nor letting my daughter be around him
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: while she grows up. I tried. I hid my feelings
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: for a few celebrations in the beginning, and it was
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: eating me up inside. I was not okay. Hell fucking no.
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: I explained to my daughter down the road that her
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: grandfather that I let her near was an accused pedophile.
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: My partner and his siblings could not for the life
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: of them get it. I'm being labeled as the bad
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: guy now for basically destroying their family and not allowing
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: their poor, allegedly pedophile dad to be near his granddaughter.
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: I feel very bad for all of them, by the way,
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: which I've told them. I wish this wasn't happening and
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: it's terrible, but I'm being treated like I'm the one
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: who's in the wrong. I'm not sure my relationship will
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: survive this.
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: Please help. I'm in therapy solely for this. My partner
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: is too. I really don't know if I can keep
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: going with this mess of a family drama I didn't
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: sign up for. Thank you. And if you have any thoughts,
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: let me know. It's cathartic to write. Thank you, Rebecca.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, God.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: My first thought, honestly, I mean, it's awful.
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: But my first thought, honestly, is if you leave this
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: relationship and you have joint custody, then you have no
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: control over whether your daughter spends time with this guy.
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: You know, like if she's with her dad and they
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: go over for family parties.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: Oh, God.
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, I mean, maybe that can be in the
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: divorce decree. Yeah. That she's not.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: That she can have sole custody.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: Well, yeah.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: I mean, this is a good argument for sole custody.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I mean, I.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Don't even know what to say.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm so sorry that you're going through this
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: and you're totally not wrong. Keep your daughter as far
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: away as possible from him. I would contact a lawyer
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: and see what's possible and plausible in your situation. What
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: barriers can you set up to ensure? And then You
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: have to talk to your partner, and I'm sure you
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: already have, about like how serious this is and that
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: you're not ever going to be, you're immovable on this.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter whether or not he's guilty. You don't
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: have the luxury of him being your father and wanting
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: to believe the best about him.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: You're being a pragmatist.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: And so like if there's any accusation of wrongdoing and
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: sexual abuse, that's one too many, period. It doesn't matter
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: whether or not he's been proven. And like it's disgusting.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: There's multiple people.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: Once there's additional people coming forward, like the jig is up.
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean? Obviously, it's all alleged.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: And why would it be in their interest to pretend
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: that he molested them or had sex with them?
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: Completely. Completely. Yeah.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: And I'm sorry we don't have more.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: But taking your daughter out of that situation, I think,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: is like an emergency.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Unless your partner agrees that he'll never have access
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: to her.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Like, and you have to put that in writing, actually,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: you know, like if you are going to stay with him,
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: it's like you have to say like this. I'm so sorry,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: but I can't take a risk like this. And who
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: would take a risk like that with their own kid?
• 6:33
  Speaker 4: Especially because this is sort of like the sole issue
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: in your relationship. I wonder if it's like, like, I mean,
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: a family therapist, yes, but like a family mediator almost
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: to sort of. discuss this with with you and your
• 6:47
  Speaker 4: partner um just because this is this is sort of
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: like something you do need to stick to your guns
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: on well Rebecca we support you like Chelsea said, talk
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: to a lawyer, see if there's some sort of like
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: a mediator that.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: You can talk to.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like a family mediator, somebody who can really like
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: spell it out for both sides because I'd be very
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: curious to see what her, hear what her therapist says
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: about it and what his therapist.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: Is telling him. Like everyone needs to get together.
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure.
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: And then, you know, I mean, if the rest of
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: his family is mad at you, I think that's something
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: you just have to let go.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: Like they can be mad. That's okay. Rebecca, will you
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: follow up with us and let us know how things go?
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: This one's a serious one.
• 7:29
  Speaker 4: Well, our next question comes from Sarah and she says,
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea, I'm a 32-year-old woman living in Northern California
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: and I'm currently navigating several major life crises. I'm just
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: months away from a kidney transplant. Fortunately, both my brother
• 7:44
  Speaker 4: and husband are donor matches and we're in the final
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: stages of testing. Due to my health, I'm unable to
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: carry a child. So my husband and I are looking
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: into adoption. The process has felt confusing and overwhelming. Recently,
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: while browsing an adoption website featuring couples from all over
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: the United States, I came across a couple standing in
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: front of Sonoma Square, a place I know very well.
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: I clicked on their profile and discovered that they're from
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: Marin County. It felt like kismet to stumble on a
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: couple located right in my area. Through a bit of
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: online research, i.e. internet stalking, I managed to find their
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: contact information. The thing is, I want to reach out
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: to them and ask about their experience with the adoption
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: process and hopefully connect. My dilemma is, how do I
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: tell them I found them online and want to connect
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: without sounding completely insane for hunting them down on the
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: World Wide Web? Thanks for any advice you can offer, Sarah.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with being completely honest
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: about seeing them online. We live in an online world.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. You just have to do it and
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: be honest. Be like, I know this is weird, but I'm,
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: you know, trying to pursue adoption. I've been very overwhelmed
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: and confused by it. I saw a picture of you
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: guys and it reminded me. Just be exactly what you
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: just said to us. Say to them and just and
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: hope for that to land. That's all you can do.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: And just be truthful. There's no reason to like, you know,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: dance around it. Being direct is good most of the time.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: And this is one of those times.
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: And I think people are like at this point sort
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: of used to people showing up in their DMs or
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: in their email and being like, hey, like, especially if
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: their picture is on an adoption website as like, hey,
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: we did this. Like they would not think that it's
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: totally out of the blue that you contacted them. And
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: I think people who are in this sort of, you know,
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: have done stuff like this are very happy to usually
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: very happy to like share their experiences. because they were
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: in the same position you are a few years before.
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: So I would just say like, hey, would it be
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: possible to take you out for coffee or do a
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: Zoom call or something? We'd love to pick your brain
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: a little bit about your experiences. I don't think they'll
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: think it's too weird.
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: Right, Chelsea?
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: No, no, no.
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: All right, Sarah, best of luck. And then we have,
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: this one's sort of a PSA.
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: I don't think it's specifically an issue that we, something
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: that we have done.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: I think this is just in general.
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: But TJ says, Dear Chelsea, I used to watch your
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: show on TV and was very excited when I discovered
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: your podcast. I end up laughing each and every time
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: I listen. And that makes you precious to me. Oh,
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: I know. I'm writing it to voice a concern and complaint, however.
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: And again, I don't think this is about us, but
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: this is just in general.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, we can take it. Don't worry.
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: I don't know if you would call it ageism, but
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: I get so annoyed when seniors, and I guess I
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: must admit I'm one of those now.
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: Are referred to as cute, adorable, or any other.
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: Infantilizing term that would most definitely not be used to
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: describe younger people in similar situations, in my always humble opinion.
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: It's nearly as infuriating as being called honey by medical
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: staff when I'm at a doctor's appointment. When the hell
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: did my name change from TJ to honey? I don't
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: receive it as a term of endearment, especially in a
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: medical situation. I can barely tolerate it from a waiter.
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: It indicates a lack of respect, implies I'm suddenly addled
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: due to having survived past 60, and must be handled,
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: I don't know, delicately. That is all. Please keep us laughing. Sincerely, TJ,
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: age 66, if it matters.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: But you do hear this a lot.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: I call people honey all the time. I do it.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: I notice I do it. I do.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Whenever someone comes up to me in an airport or something,
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: I'm like, thank you, honey.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: I mean, if it's a girl. So I guess that's
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: also like sexist, I guess. I don't know. I didn't
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: say that to people when I was younger.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: So I mean, it's an age thing, but I think
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: it's the age that it's coming from. It's the person
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: it's coming from that's the age, not the person it's
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: directed to. Like when someone calls me honey, I don't
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: take it. It means like I'm old calling people honey.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: When people call me honey, I don't take offense to it.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Or precious or cute.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: I mean, think about that. You would refer to.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Babies as that or little children as precious or cute too.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, when people say, oh, aren't you precious? That
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: either means like, you're really fucked up or you're really cute,
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: like little kids. So I think that's a nice way
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: to talk about an older person. Aren't you precious?
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't listen.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: I don't think 66 is old enough to be offended
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: at being, you know, like that stuff. It's not like
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: you're 85, you're 66.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: Like it's okay. I don't think anyone's looking at you going, Oh,
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: you're a precious little old man. No, no. So this, this.
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: Is a complaint I've heard like from my dad, like
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: have like, When you get past a certain age, people, like,
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: baby talk you as, like, an older person.
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: Like, oh, right this way. Like, it's, like, a weird–
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: and I've heard people do it, like, to him. Like, he– like,
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: they've got all their wits about them.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: How old is he?
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: He's 76.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: Okay. Well, then, I don't know. I mean, I can
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: imagine that happening in a hospital. I don't know.
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: Would you say something, Chelsea? Like, would you tell TJ
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: to say something? Like, oh, please don't call me– or, like,
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: please call me by my name.
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: What would you say?
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: I would just say my name's, yeah, I would say
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: my name's TJ.
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: Oh, my name's not honey, it's TJ?
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Well, no, I would just say my name's TJ.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: That gets the point across in a nice way because
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: they're just trying to be nice. I don't think honey
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: is degrading in any way. I mean, especially when you're
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: a man. I mean, it's more degrading if you're a
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: woman and a man calls you honey. You're like, don't
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: call me fucking honey. But if one of my girlfriends
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: calls me honey, I don't mind. I actually really like
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: being called honey. It's one of the things I don't mind.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: It's one of the things men do that doesn't gross
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: me out. So I can't relate, TJ, but I'm glad
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: you made me laugh. So thank you.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: What was the other one? Precious? Precious is a little annoying.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: She called you precious. You're precious to her, which I love.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that seems a little like patronizing, precious.
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: No, I loved it so much.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: But when you're in a hospital... I do want people
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: to talk to me like that. I want them to
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: take care of me. All right. Have a nice life, everybody.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: Un buen día.
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to DearChelseaPodcast
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: at gmail.com.
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.
• 14:13
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• 14:16
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• 14:20
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• 14:24
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• 14:27
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