Latest / State Of Mind Mental Health Podcast / #122 - Sweat Dries, Blood Clots, and Broken Bones Heal - How Determination, Community, and Hope Transform Our Lives with Jay Setchell

Transcript

#122 - Sweat Dries, Blood Clots, and Broken Bones Heal - How Determination, Community, and Hope Transform Our Lives with Jay Setchell · State Of Mind Mental Health Podcast

0:00
a couple guys were gonna throw me in I had some ex very expensive cowboy boots
0:04
on And I said, No, no, no, no,
0:06
not till I get done with
0:07
getting these off so when they ran to me I just jumped in three and a half feet
0:11
of water and must have landed on my legs and didn't bend my legs at all.
0:15
I did have contacts and I threw my head back,
0:18
I presume. I don't know. I don't remember any of it.
0:22
And I drowned. I broke my neck in four places and drowned.
0:25
And I was under about eight minutes.
0:27
until they actually got to me and got me out.
0:30
You'll get through it. I've said this to groups of people too.
0:33
It's like sweat dries, blood clots,
0:35
and broken bones heal. Suck it up.
0:38
You gotta move ahead. Don't sit there and ponder in it.
0:42
And then who knows if you'll ever get over it because you didn't have
0:45
the guts or the grit or the determination or courage to climb out of it.
0:51
Hello everybody. Welcome to the State of Mind podcast.
0:54
Tools, stories, and truth on being human.
0:58
My name is Mike Stro, and this is a podcast for living with courage,
1:03
clarity, and compassion.
1:06
In today's episode, I am speaking with Jay Setchell.
1:11
Hello, Jay. Thank you so much for joining me and your willingness
1:15
to share your experience and wisdom with us.
1:17
Can you start by introducing yourself and telling us how you got to this point
1:23
in your life and what you're up to today?
1:27
Thank you, Mike, for having me,
1:28
number one. And and that's a that's a good and it's a it's a long question or
1:33
Mm-hmm.
1:34
long answer to a short question.
1:36
But to sum it really is ~ born or raised on a working farm
1:41
in northern north central United States,
1:44
~ cattle, hogs, the all the crops and so on,
1:48
which gave me a different perspective on life compared to a lot of people just
1:53
for the size of
1:54
operation we had, what we did,
1:56
and but it gave me a lot of things that I that that formed my life.
2:01
And from there went into the Marine Corps,
2:03
have had multiple death experiences that they got me back from.
2:08
~ I've had multiple near death experiences that I should have should have
2:13
not gotten back from, but didn't quite get over that edge.
2:16
And ~
2:18
But I I've started I'm a serial entrepreneur.
2:20
I've started multiple companies.
2:22
I did work corporately ~ for ten years for the fifth largest corporation
2:27
in America at the time. and travel quite a bit and was kind of a a
2:30
c a corporate problem solver, it seemed like,
2:33
at least what I did. And but
2:36
I I've they let me go when I was forty-one years old and I'm seventy-six
2:40
now because I had so many surgeries,
2:42
my paralysis was getting worse,
2:44
and that was a risk factor. So it just led me out.
2:47
I didn't I I could have quit then,
2:49
I guess, but it was I had other things in my mind.
2:52
So started multiple other companies and did very,
2:56
very well. and now I'm
2:59
I'm I'm retired, but I've been doing some podcasting.
3:02
I wrote a book. I'm also very involved in a company that we're national
3:06
and I'm a partner in the company and a heavy investor.
3:10
And we just picked up a contract with the United with the UK
3:15
for their military special forces.
3:17
And ~ we signed an agreement with Saab,
3:20
which is leading us into forty-eight other countries.
3:23
So it's gonna be a very, very high end.
3:27
~ and I and the and the I the the the the tough thing on it is that
3:31
I'm I'm thirty one years older than the next youngest guy in in the
3:34
Yeah.
3:35
company. So I I feel like the old man,
3:37
which I am. So it's my role ~ tends to be more of a mentorship
3:42
~ advisory insight, what what experience has shot taught me,
3:47
showed me, and where can we go?
3:50
And and that's proved
3:52
good in lot of cases. So it's really always about helping other people
3:55
and and trying to do your best to to make sure that works.
4:00
Because we all have a short time on life or short short time on earth
4:04
and ~ it's shorter than we realize till we get older.
4:07
And suddenly then it's wow. So that's I guess that's a summation that
4:13
Yeah. Thank you.
4:14
we can take its own
4:15
run.
4:16
All right. Yeah, thank you for that.
4:18
I am slowly coming into relationship with that reality that life does end.
4:24
Yeah.
4:24
as I enter my mid forties. Yeah.
4:27
Mid forties. I can't remember that far back.
4:29
Yeah, well, ~ man.
4:31
Yeah, I know.
4:34
so can you can you in Canada it's a little bit different.
4:38
I think maybe in many places.
4:40
America does have a very strong military and culture around that and I
4:46
I think it is generally a wonderful thing.
4:49
can you just how did you decide to enter the military and
4:53
how how did your military experience shape your life at that time and sort
4:59
of lead into the other things that you started doing?
5:03
Mike, I ~ first of all, I I I think part of the reason I went in the Marine Corps
5:08
is I had ~ a cousin named Bob that was like my hero.
5:12
You know, he was my older hero and seven years older than I was,
5:16
and he he was in the Marine Corps from 60 to 64,
5:19
and he told me explicitly, do not ever go into the Marine Corps.
5:23
So that's like telling a kid, don't eat the candy,
5:26
you know. It's like
5:26
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
5:28
okay, so that's that's the biggest reason why I went to the Marine Corps.
5:31
And but I also ~ had some old comic books that he had that I
5:37
got from him about Sergeant Rock and how they battled the Japanese and
5:42
how they did all this on the islands.
5:44
So, you know, I I just knowing what I knew and I studied World War Two quite
5:51
a bit back. I just I enjoyed doing that.
5:53
And ~ you know, I I wanted
5:57
I wanted to be in the the the hardest.
5:59
I wanted to be in the toughest.
6:00
I wanted to be in the ones that were in first and out last.
6:03
And ~ they've got a great reputation.
6:06
But my my time was very short in the Marine Corps ultimately.
6:09
I I ~ I mean my hit I enlisted in late sixty seven,
6:14
but my feet didn't hit the ground till May first May thirty first,
6:17
nineteen sixty eight. And ~ I was dead November twelfth the following year.
6:22
So I I only made it seventeen months,
6:25
twelve days and
6:27
some number of hours and I just fit fin f ~ visited a gentleman last week that
6:33
I went to boot camp and ITR with that even was up earlier than I was.
6:38
He ~ he was only in Vietnam five days and had was on a five man fire team patrol
6:44
and stepped on a mine and lost both his legs.
6:46
So you know time goes fast. Time goes real fast.
6:51
So
6:52
That was I was I was nineteen then and I spent a whole year in the hospital.
6:56
And you know, but I it it it really the Marine Corps to me
7:03
just really ~ I I c I'll use the words pounded into my head,
7:08
but just solidified
7:08
Yeah.
7:10
because I've got a hard head. but it
7:12
No sorry, I
7:13
sorry have to just interrupt you,
7:15
Bilfi. I don't wanna forget. I use that exact same terminology when I talk about
7:19
my sponsor in AA who pounded things into my head.
7:23
But it was kind. It was kind and loving and whatever.
7:26
But ~ sorry to interrupt you there.
7:27
I just had to ~ I I I know that language well.
7:31
You you you you were clarifying,
7:33
but but that's okay because that is what it is.
7:35
It's like, okay, it's
7:36
Yeah.
7:37
it's kind and loving. They pounded it into my head.
7:39
Yeah, yeah.
7:39
Yeah, with a smile. But you
7:42
know, they but I really they just emphasized what I had been raised with.
7:47
And that is if there's a will,
7:49
there's a way. You can do anything you want or be anything you want,
7:53
if you just put your mind to it.
7:54
never give up, never quit, push forward.
7:57
You know, people may expect this and want this,
8:00
but always deliver more. You know,
8:02
it's just in and that the world is a bigger place and the than you are.
8:07
So do for others and that will come back to you.
8:11
I I just ~ but I but leadership,
8:14
~ understanding about it, you know,
8:16
I I I picked up Sergeant in 17 months.
8:19
I would very, very, very fast promotion,
8:22
but
8:23
~ it was because I was doing above and beyond what I was expected to do by far.
8:27
And ~ but it but it worked out good.
8:30
So you know, all for the better.
8:32
Okay, so you spent a year in the hospital.
8:35
Then kinda how long d how long were you in the Marine Corps for?
8:41
Well, I I was in seventeen months,
8:43
twelve days, and about twenty hours when I died.
8:46
And when they got me back then I spent a year in the hospital,
8:49
got out November thirty first of the following year,
8:52
and through a a series of things that we have here in the States,
8:56
I was put on what they call the
8:59
TDRL, Temporary Disability Retire List,
9:01
which you're still active, but you're semi-retired.
9:05
And then I f had to fight the physical evaluation board at Great Lakes Naval Base
9:11
up by Chicago. And I got my retirement,
9:14
was effective, discharge, honorable discharge with retirement,
9:18
December first, nineteen seventy-four.
9:21
But I didn't get my 100% disability,
9:23
which I was supposed to have had then.
9:25
I was supposed to have it before.
9:27
By then it was by command. And I still had to fight it for another
9:32
17 years till September 1st, 1991.
9:33
Holy Christ. Wow.
9:37
Yeah, I I went all that time, no back pay,
9:40
no, no interest, no penalties,
9:42
all that they promise you. And my son,
9:44
when he got out of the Marine Corps,
9:45
went ran into the same thing after seven years.
9:49
getting ready to go to warrant officer school.
9:51
You know, they put him out at 90 and said,
9:53
you'll get your hundred percent when you get there because we don't have your MRIs.
9:57
And so we had to fight that two and a half years later.
10:01
You know, but at least it didn't go 17.
10:03
That's a long time.
10:05
Yeah. That is a long time. can ~ w so when you that was that your first life
10:10
and death w ~ what do they call it?
10:13
Green.
10:14
Yeah, l ~ near death experience or death experience.
10:16
How can you just explain what that was?
10:17
Well yeah, yeah, my f
10:19
yes, sir. That was my first true one.
10:21
When I was seventeen, I was I was standing on a feeding auger.
10:25
I'd just come down a silo and ~ I my grandfather kicked the auger on and off.
10:31
I don't know why, but had he let it run,
10:33
I would have been a real problem.
10:35
And this was two years before I even went in the Marine Corps.
10:39
or the year before I went in the Marine Corps,
10:42
sorry. And ~
10:44
My foot slipped off the top of the auger.
10:45
I was just getting ready to launch off into a snowbank in real early January
10:50
of sixty seven. And it broke my right ankle,
10:53
sliced my boot open, sliced my leg open.
10:56
But I was grateful that I was able to get off into the snowbank,
11:01
even though the pain and the blood were there,
11:03
because had that auger stayed on,
11:06
I'd have turned into a hamburger within three or four seconds.
11:10
Just
11:10
maybe not even that long. So, you know,
11:13
but the Marine Corps was my first real one.
11:15
after that I I ~ had another one ~ September third,
11:19
nineteen seven nineteen seventy three.
11:22
I had a drunk hit me almost head on and he got killed.
11:25
he was thrown out of his vehicle and run over by his own pickup truck,
11:28
no seat belt. And I did have my seatbelt enrolled multiple times down into
11:34
a deep ditch. And ~
11:36
~ it there was a car, I'd seen it.
11:38
There was a car behind me apparently about a half a mile.
11:41
But we were out in the middle of the cornfields and soybean fields of America.
11:46
I mean of of the northern plains anyhow.
11:48
And ~ it took them I remember I bled out.
11:51
I remember the noise. I remember the the grinding.
11:54
I remember the flipping I remember the glass in my mouth.
11:57
I I remember that I was impaled because what held my
12:02
steering column or my my steering column,
12:05
gee, my ~ windshield column up had gone in and pretty well blown my shoulder out,
12:11
put the bone out the back of my R Silver,
12:13
my deltoid muscle, you know, busted ribs again,
12:16
punctured lungs again, so on and so forth.
12:19
But I I had no way to move and I was crushed down under the steering wheel badly.
12:25
But
12:25
I I was out of my body, ~ way up in the air.
12:29
And I could look down and see them finally arriving and realizing I was
12:34
I'd I was either bled out, I'd either recently bled out or was bleeding out,
12:38
but I was I was gone. I could hear voices.
12:41
I don't know what they were. They were welcoming,
12:44
but ~ they they put transfusions into me from a couple guys.
12:48
Next thing I knew I had woken up.
12:51
it was about four or five days later in the hospital in our hometown.
12:56
And then moving into a third one,
12:58
'cause I know you're gonna ask about it,
13:00
is eight years later, on the fourth of July nineteen eighty one,
13:04
I was thirty-one and a half years old and we'd been to a fourth of July parade
13:09
for the States and played vo b volleyball and I'm I'm real competitive with
13:15
volleyball and and
13:17
late that afternoon, early evening,
13:19
~ they said, Hey, let's go down to so and so's house,
13:22
just on the other side of their lot,
13:24
but you had to drive around the street to get there.
13:27
he put a new in ground swimming pool in.
13:29
And we were all hot and sweaty and whatnot.
13:32
And we got down there and a couple guys were gonna throw me in and I
13:36
had some ex very expensive cowboy boots on and my bill fold.
13:40
And I said, No, no, no, no, not till I get done with
13:42
getting these off and this my bill full of and so when they ran to me
13:46
I just jumped in three and a half feet of water and must have landed on
13:52
my legs and didn't bend my legs at all.
13:55
I did have contacts and I threw my head back,
13:58
I presume. I don't know. I don't remember any of it.
14:01
And I drowned. I broke my neck in four places and drowned.
14:04
And I was under about eight minutes.
14:07
until they actually got to me and got me out.
14:10
They didn't go down earlier because they said he's just a crazy old marina.
14:15
He's just gonna grab a hold of you and he can hold his breath forever and
14:18
and and he won't let you go. Well,
14:20
I wish they would have not said that and they would have tried because
14:24
I wouldn't have drowned maybe,
14:26
but who knows what else would have happened.
14:28
So from that, that my whole that that really,
14:31
really
14:33
changed my whole life in a lot of areas.
14:36
Physical areas, faith areas, insight areas,
14:40
s that changed that accident changed my life more or
14:45
as much as anything or everything else in my life had done to that time.
14:51
Okay,
14:51
and and many people who go through things like this or various forms of this,
14:56
and maybe it's not a fair judgment totally,
14:59
but many people when they're suffering tremendously and having things like this
15:03
happen to them can end up cursing the world,
15:06
right? Why me, how me, you know,
15:08
where life's not fair, all those things.
15:10
in that tends not to be helpful for people.
15:13
How did you
15:15
Maybe it came from your upbringing,
15:17
et cetera. How did you just have the different perspective and
15:20
how did that different perspective help you?
15:23
First of all, Mike, I I never once looked at it like that.
15:27
I didn't look at it bad way. I I'd I never I never looked at it a bad
15:32
way in the Marine Corps or my my my ankle being broken.
15:36
And I I think a lot of it, if I if I go back to this and we talked briefly about
15:41
you know insight that you get into yourself from questions.
15:43
Mm-hmm.
15:44
I think just the fact that I was raised
15:48
On a farm with greatparents, great grandparents,
15:50
seeing life and death as a commonality.
15:54
Plus, we raised a lot of cattle,
15:56
we raised a lot of livestock, and when you raise them,
15:59
they go to slaughter. That's what you raise them for.
16:01
Plus, you have some that die
16:04
Not we've had very, very few that would ever die,
16:07
but but you saw death or you had a dog,
16:10
you know, it's your favorite dog,
16:12
but now he just disappears. Grandma,
16:14
what happened to the prince? Where did he go?
16:16
Well, ~ just dogs know when they're gonna pass away and they just disappear.
16:22
That's what happens to farm dogs.
16:23
I don't know what happens to city dogs,
16:25
they don't go out and get a taxi ride or a call an Uber,
16:29
you know. Farm dogs just kind of disappear.
16:32
But
16:32
Mm.
16:33
I I think that just having been through what I'd been through,
16:37
I knew life was going to be tough,
16:39
no matter what. And we and I didn't live in a the easiest time.
16:44
You know, I mean I was re born in 49.
16:46
So, you know, we didn't have air conditioning,
16:49
we didn't have the fancy stuff.
16:51
We had party lines with a ring up,
16:53
you know, and and ~ so you you just came to expect and understand that this
17:00
is life. It's not a big deal.
17:02
You'll get through it. You know,
17:03
and there I there's an old saying,
17:05
and I'll just say it now. I say I've said this to groups of people too.
17:08
It's like sweat dries, blood clots,
17:11
and broken bones heal. Suck it up.
17:13
You gotta move ahead. Don't sit there and ponder in it.
17:17
It's just gonna make it worse.
17:19
And then you're gonna feel worse.
17:20
And then who knows if you'll ever get over it because you didn't have
17:24
the guts or the grit or the determination or courage to climb out of it.
17:28
I that's just my that's how I feel about it.
17:32
Ha how
17:34
It is difficult for people to
17:37
accept that reality a lot of times,
17:39
especially when they don't have or they they just it's nobody's really chooses it,
17:44
I don't think. But you know I talk to many people,
17:47
you hear many stories of people who really just fight against that reality
17:52
so much and it causes them so much suffering.
17:55
I don't know how how
17:59
The it's hard to ask because I don't know if there is an answer.
18:02
How do people cross that bridge?
18:05
Right. So some people do receive the messaging of,
18:09
you know, you really just gotta fucking suck it up.
18:11
Like stop complaining. It's not gonna help.
18:13
You gotta move on. but other people really do not are not open to that.
18:18
So I'm just kind of curious if you have any insights on how those people
18:24
may come to see.
18:26
this perspective.
18:28
I don't know that I have any specific rules of insight,
18:33
so to speak, but that's where I believe is it's it's it's
18:39
a matter of encouragement, but it takes other people to help other people.
18:44
And that's the one thing that we don't have as a rule anymore,
18:49
at least in this country.
18:51
And I saw it in Canada when I used to go up there go fishing up in Ontario,
18:56
the groups of people that we would see.
18:58
And that's a group of community,
19:00
you know, a group of people that you could depend on,
19:03
people that depended on you. And and that could be farmers down the road,
19:07
that can be people living on the lakes up in Canada that got fishing camps.
19:11
And and they always knew that,
19:13
you know, Oli over there or
19:18
Bob over here would help you out and work with you.
19:21
But I think a lot of it too, Mike,
19:23
is is is kind of the for a lot of people it's the perception of ability to talk.
19:31
with someone or to someone and and and I think maybe an example is when they used
19:37
to push me down to physical therapy and occupational therapy when I was going
19:42
I was spent many months in the rehab clinic for my broken neck because
19:46
I was never supposed to move.
19:48
Mm.
19:48
And
19:48
and I walked. I walked out of there.
19:50
I didn't walk well and I walked with a halo cap bolt halo cast bolted my skull.
19:56
And I walked on crutches and I used leg braces,
19:58
but I did it, you know. And what I found was I would have people when they were
20:04
pushing me in the wheelchair down to therapy,
20:06
Let's say I go by a room and over here it says Sally,
20:09
Smith, whatever. And and and I I would always ask,
20:14
you know, who we got in this room or what it is,
20:17
and she's in there. Maybe a broken neck,
20:19
maybe a broken back, maybe it's a stroke.
20:22
Stroke people are harder to deal with because it's a mental thing,
20:27
it's a brain
20:27
Mm-hmm.
20:28
thing that happened, not from here down,
20:31
you know, and ~
20:33
~ but if if they've got a problem and i i would stop and i would just say
20:38
hi i i would ask them you know i would a lot of people i would ask them
20:42
if i could say a prayer for them you know
20:44
Mm.
20:44
some people i would and i i would get into saying you know hi you know sally
20:49
i i you have a halo cast as well but i see you're already moving your arms that's
20:55
phenomenal i can't even do that i and i'm going to you know that's incredible
21:02
do what else do you have
21:03
Have for goals and ask them, you know,
21:06
and then help them work with goals.
21:08
And if you saw them in physical therapy or occupational therapy,
21:12
reach over and say, Sally, you're killing it.
21:15
You know, you're doing great. Wow.
21:16
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:18
I mean, you
21:18
weren't doing that last. So I think a lot of it,
21:21
Mike, is number one, there is no answer because some people don't want help.
21:27
Period.
21:28
They won't accept it. They won't,
21:30
they won't acknowledge it. It could be hitting them right in the face with
21:33
a two by four. They're not going to take it.
21:35
And that's
21:36
Yeah.
21:36
the fact, you know. But the thing is,
21:39
you got it. So you hit you have to cut that loss.
21:42
You have to triage it if you want to use a word for from the medical field.
21:47
Triage it and and move ahead with what you can and help those who you can.
21:52
And and I I think that's the best answer is,
21:55
you know.
21:56
Do what you can do with who you can help.
21:57
And those you can't, I've I've got somebody within my family that
22:03
I can't I ~ he they're a good person,
22:07
they're they're not a bad person,
22:09
but they just don't seem to get it.
22:11
And they're they're moving ahead and they're doing s you know their own thing.
22:16
But in the the big picture, I know they're gonna wish later on in life.
22:23
When they hit 65 or whatever, they're gonna say,
22:26
God, I wish I would have just done a little bit more.
22:29
And a lot of times, Mike, it doesn't take,
22:31
but just a little bit more. Dream big and act small.
22:35
You know, take small steps. But I think that's the answer
22:39
to your question personally, is take small steps with somebody and you know,
22:43
encourage them a little bit at a time.
22:45
But other than that, I boy,
22:49
that that's a it's a dilemma.
22:51
Yeah, yeah. Well, that was a a wonderful answer.
22:54
I I wanna touch on the the community aspect you brought up first
22:59
is something that is a real kind of whole in our
23:03
sis Western whatever societies,
23:06
maybe in others as well. Largely it is argued brought upon by the
23:11
I don't know what it is, turning away from religion and et cetera,
23:14
and those type of practices, which,
23:16
for better or worse, ~ has happened over the last couple hundred years.
23:19
and and it comes up so much in in my work with individuals,
23:25
and also in my own experience with addiction recovery,
23:28
community was a monumental part of and still is part of
23:32
my well-being and sanity and
23:36
quality of life. And and I don't know how to,
23:38
as you said, there aren't really solutions.
23:42
I just try to remind people over and over of the importance of of community,
23:46
whatever it looks like. And it's nice to hear you bring that up.
23:50
and then the last part of what you said around small acts of encouragement,
23:56
sort of one foot in front of the other was also very lovely to hear.
23:59
~
24:01
So yeah, thank you for that.
24:04
But you're you're welcome. I I I believe the community aspect,
24:09
jumping on what you're saying there,
24:11
does it it does involve everything I ~ I can only go from where I
24:16
was raised and what I experienced.
24:19
But out on the farm, a few miles out of town,
24:23
but my my mom was a teacher ~ when all his kids were back in school,
24:28
you know, well I was the oldest,
24:31
so
24:32
But when my little brother started school,
24:34
she went back to teach him, but she taught piano lessons.
24:37
So she was always involved in the the the school communities and did with
24:43
a piano lesson she helped with others when they did the recitals.
24:46
~ she played the organ in the church.
24:49
She played the piano in the church.
24:50
She taught the she she instructed the choir in the church.
24:54
my dad was quite almost always on the school board or present of the school board.
25:00
So he was involved in and ~ most most people,
25:04
not all, but most people were involved in some way.
25:07
We did not have much for organized sports,
25:10
if you will, in our a very number one,
25:13
very small town. We're we're talking the 50s and the sixties
25:16
and the early seventies. So ~ at least when I was there and or through
25:20
the seventies actually, it just didn't exist,
25:23
you know. But
25:25
That high school, you know, that when you had a football game,
25:28
everybody turned off for it, and everybody
25:29
Mm-hmm.
25:29
supported everybody. And we didn't have fights between the teams.
25:33
And we didn't have we just just didn't have that.
25:35
And I believe that the the religion we had,
25:39
I think we have must have had eight or nine churches in our town,
25:43
our little town, and you know,
25:44
I mean Methodist, Presbyterian,
25:46
Baptist,
25:47
Catholic, of course, Methodist,
25:49
Nazarene, it just went on and on and on.
25:52
So most everybody, not everybody,
25:55
but most everybody was involved with that.
25:58
Or when it came to somebody down the road for us,
26:02
or somebody even in town, or
26:03
Mm-hmm.
26:04
somebody in town that used to live in the country,
26:07
if if
26:08
Mike and his family got the flu and they're really bad and he's supposed
26:13
to be milking the cattle or feeding his hogs or whatever.
26:16
We made sure that his hogs were fed.
26:19
There's cattle or milk. We take down a big pot of stew and a peach cobbler
26:23
or a cherry crumb cake or something,
26:26
you know, enough to feed them for two or three days and kind of help them
26:29
get on their feet, something that's healthy,
26:31
something that's good, because maybe they can't cook.
26:34
So
26:35
I it it just goes on from one thing to another thing to another thing.
26:39
And I think all of that is encouraging as well as,
26:43
you
26:43
Mm is not.
26:44
know, it's helpful. You know, it shows people other people care.
26:48
And that's that's one thing that I I mean,
26:51
I I I heard I heard this from my parents,
26:54
~ I think it was. I I've heard it so long ago,
26:57
I think it was my parents, I don't remember.
26:59
But the more people you help, the better person you become.
27:03
So I think that it's a fact that if you reach out to others,
27:08
you know, you don't have to say,
27:10
hey, what can I do for you? It's just maybe I,
27:13
hey, do you mind if I help you with that?
27:15
I'd like to learn that. You know,
27:18
wow, I've never seen that been done before.
27:20
You might have seen it done 30 times,
27:22
but don't you don't have to tell them that.
27:24
You know, it's like, ~ wow, that's kind of cool.
27:27
So a lot of it is just in and well,
27:30
along with the
27:31
The the the community is communication.
27:33
We have such a lack of communication anymore.
27:37
And especially the younger generations,
27:39
it's like I I we're raising twins that are we adopted that are eight and a half,
27:45
and they get so far into their iPads that they were given for Christmas
27:50
by somebody else, I would never have done it.
27:53
Because they get so much into them,
27:55
they don't even look at you.
27:57
Or when they hug you goodnight,
27:59
they they got their eye down here looking at their iPad.
28:01
You know, it's like, no, I'd turn it off,
28:04
plug it away, turn it upside down,
28:05
it's gone. And and if you don't do that,
28:08
all you're doing's encouraging a further problem of what you're already asking
28:13
about. So, you know, I think there'sn't there an old there's an
28:17
old saying or there's a story out that says hard men,
28:20
b hard times make
28:23
Hard men, hard men make good times,
28:25
good times make soft men, soft men make bad or somet I don't remember.
28:29
Yeah, yeah,
28:29
yeah. No, that's pretty close.
28:30
That's pretty close. Yeah.
28:33
But that gets back to a lot of what you're saying and
28:35
Yeah.
28:35
asking.
28:36
Yeah. It is.
28:38
Yeah, seems that I think as I was asking you the question of how do people come
28:42
to realize this notion of complaining doesn't help,
28:46
is that we have really have created such a bountiful society,
28:52
so to speak, and things are pretty easy,
28:55
at least the foundations of staying alive are,
28:58
and we've lost connection to that.
29:01
deeper sense of grit or deeper sense of as you were describing earlier reality
29:08
like grow growing up in a farm and seeing the reality of life and
29:12
and working hard and we just are so disconnected from that and yeah it's not good.
29:18
I want to ask you so how does how does the idea of never quit I mean
29:23
you you described it in various ways
29:26
I don't know if you would ~ or how do you articulate it if you are talking about
29:32
it or in the book? how do you define and sort of explain that?
29:38
~ I'd I'd like to make a comment quick quickly though.
29:42
Please, yeah.
29:42
You said something about complaining,
29:45
you know, and about complaining not doing any good.
29:48
I you know, and that's a very good statement because when I for years
29:52
and years and years, many years ago,
29:54
I would they people would say,
29:56
Jay, how you doing today? I'd say,
29:58
Well, I complain, but it never seems to do any good.
30:00
You know, and I mean that's you hit it right on the head.
30:00
Yeah.
30:03
I I said that for a long time.
30:06
You know, or if you want to get a conversation going,
30:08
I you know, you're checking out at the grocery store and Hazel's knowing
30:12
you and your family for your your whole life and they've known your parents,
30:15
Yeah.
30:16
they're older than your parents,
30:17
and they say, How you doing today,
30:19
Jay? I go, Well, pretty crappy.
30:20
Well, but it started the conversation.
30:23
really? What's the matter? You know,
30:24
but
30:24
Mm-hmm.
30:26
but I now that I said that jokingly,
30:28
I've I've I've lost where you were asking me to go.
30:31
~
30:32
about never quit. The the yeah.
30:34
But okay. Never quit never
30:35
Yeah.
30:36
quitting.
30:37
To me is something, wow,
30:40
I've had it my whole life. I've had it my whole life.
30:44
I saw it my whole life. It's like,
30:46
it's like crops. It's like when you've driven around wherever you drive,
30:50
you've got to see crops grow. Now the crops are gonna grow,
30:53
they're gonna be mature, they're gonna be harvested,
30:56
they're gonna die, and they have to start again.
30:58
So you never quit. You know,
31:01
it's like when you get
31:02
small cattle in and they're 180 to 200 pound feeders and you feed them
31:07
out till they're 850 to 950 depending on who you are and what type,
31:12
you know, and you send them to market,
31:14
it it just you you you have to get up and go feed them or they're never going
31:18
to hit their weight. So it's too soon to quit.
31:20
But with me, I think also it was always when I was in the hospital
31:27
in the Marine Corps,
31:28
I had some third degree burns and they were big bulbous ugly things
31:32
and they cut them off and everything turned black and crusty.
31:36
And you would soak them in bedadine.
31:40
And I I personally they started it.
31:43
But I personally just took over the job of soaking them in betidine twice a day.
31:48
And I went to snip at it with scissors and you had a little scalpel
31:52
and had tweezers. And you pulled that that area off the burn,
31:55
like taking the crust off of a pie.
31:57
Okay. A little bit at a time over many months.
32:01
And sometimes you'd snip your leg and it would bleed and but you didn't feel
32:05
it because it you're all your nerves were dead.
32:07
So, you know, but the thing was,
32:10
as I watched this burn that was
32:13
big get smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller.
32:16
And it never did get all the way healed.
32:18
They finally did skin grafts. But the thing is,
32:21
it's always too soon to quit. I
32:24
Hmm.
32:24
had to keep working at it. I had to keep pushing at it.
32:27
I had to keep doing it. And that's that that went with me through when
32:32
my arm was all but torn off in in in 73,
32:37
you know, walking your fingers
32:39
up the wall so you could get your deltoid muscle is was severed that's been
32:43
put back together and get all that working again to having my neck paralyzed
32:50
and be well never told I'm supposed to move.
32:52
It's always, you know, if it is to be it is up to me.
32:55
They can help me, they can instruct me,
32:57
they can tell me, they can show me,
32:59
they can encourage me, they can do whatever.
33:02
But the one thing I realized is it's always up to me to do it.
33:07
And and you have to go out, not just do what they want,
33:11
you have to go above and beyond.
33:13
And if you go above and beyond,
33:15
you will succeed. You will, you will succeed.
33:18
champion yourself and your efforts.
33:21
And the one thing that I real realized,
33:23
and I I I I mentioned this to a lady in another podcast,
33:27
that it was like, you know, the people in physical therapy and OT,
33:31
they want you to get better, but they see the now.
33:35
They see where you're at now. They know kind of where they want you to go,
33:39
but they don't express that to you,
33:41
if that makes sense. They don't
33:43
Mm-hmm.
33:44
They don't ~ say you can reach that down there.
33:48
You can get to there. You've got to look at that.
33:50
But let's work on this, but let's go towards that.
33:54
And so the parallel bars, I mentioned this in a in a in a with a lady on a podcast.
33:59
And and ~ I said, I never thought about just going a foot or two
34:05
on the parallel bars when I was learning how to walk and I couldn't grasp
34:09
my right hand, it still doesn't work,
34:11
it never has worked. My left hand
34:14
works pretty good, but my wrist is fused,
34:16
all my knuckles have been broken,
34:18
all my fingers have been broken.
34:19
But it doesn't, you know, I don't let it bother me.
34:22
My point being that when I, you know,
34:26
and they walk behind you. If you've ever been in a physical therapy place,
34:29
they're behind you with a wheelchair.
34:31
Somebody's got a hold of you with a belt to hold you up in case you fall.
34:35
And they're always willing to push you backwards into
34:38
the wheelchair should something start,
34:40
unless your legs just give out and you
34:42
Well, they try to they try their best.
34:44
But not once did I just think about going a foot or two on the parallel bars,
34:49
Mike. I thought about the end.
34:51
How do I get to the end? I never saw the hall at the
34:58
end of the hall or the doors at the end of the hall.
35:00
I saw outside. I think if you were sit there and turn around,
35:05
at least in behind you, it looks like you've got a brick wall back there,
35:08
Mm-hmm. I do. No, it's yeah, it's my office.
35:08
unless it's
35:11
Yeah.
35:11
okay.
35:12
So if you turn around and set two feet or three feet from your brick wall,
35:16
and that's what you looked at all the time,
35:18
you had notes stuck on it, or whatever you want to do with it,
35:20
you you limit your vision, you limit your your your your ability
35:26
to expand your thought pattern
35:28
Mm-hmm.
35:29
more than if you sit in front of a window and could look outside.
35:33
Because now your your horizons are bigger,
35:36
or go outside.
35:38
And I I mean may I'm not trying to be philosophical here.
35:41
I'm just being practical because that's what it is,
35:45
I think. ~ but it's always too soon to quit.
35:48
You know, and I and one thing I would like to I I I heard this gosh many,
35:53
many years ago. Heard it, read it or saw it.
35:55
I don't I don't heard it, I think.
35:57
~ but it was about a a a guy that who's a a famous sculptor.
36:02
And he's got this perfect bust and he's he's worked on it and worked on it.
36:05
It's just perfect. Everything's perfect.
36:07
And right up here on the person's on the on the scope the the thing the nose
36:12
of the sculpture is a is a is a bump.
36:15
And he's got to get that bump just perfect off.
36:18
So he takes it and he puts his whatever you call it,
36:21
because I'm not a stone cutter,
36:23
Sure. Yeah.
36:24
his chisel up against it, and he takes his mallet and he and he taps it.
36:29
And it doesn't go and he taps it,
36:30
and he doesn't go and he taps it.
36:32
And he does this a thousand times,
36:34
ten thousand times. And on the ten thousand one hundred time,
36:38
it comes off. Just perfect. It's absolutely perfect.
36:41
Okay. In reality, was it the first time he hit it that caused it to start,
36:46
or was it the last one he did that made it go?
36:49
You don't really know. So it was always too soon to stop.
36:54
How many people do you know, or do people that are watching know?
36:59
Or did they do themselves quit right before they would have done it?
37:03
Right before it would have happened.
37:04
They just give up. So there again,
37:07
it's always too soon to quit. Never,
37:09
ever, ever. You can change directions.
37:12
You can move, you can pivot a little bit.
37:15
That doesn't hurt. It's like side alignment if you're shooting a rifle or
37:20
a bow and arrow. That doesn't mean you can't move a little bit.
37:23
It doesn't mean you have to turn 180 degrees,
37:27
but just
37:28
That little bit, but never never quit trying.
37:30
Never give up. It's always too soon to quit.
37:33
Awesome. That was great. I want to just ~ maybe reiterate the idea
37:39
of knowing where you want to go.
37:41
And that matters. And also the where is where is my right foot at this moment kind
37:48
of idea. So it's yeah, the the relationship between those two things,
37:52
as you say. ~ or at least that's how I heard you say it,
37:56
that I think sometimes people
38:00
maybe
38:00
struggle to see multiple things as being true at the same time.
38:04
Right. So we can focus very much on the present moment right in front of
38:08
us and also know that we want to be going to this place.
38:12
and there was one other thing you said.
38:13
~
38:15
~
38:16
I'm so full of information. It's crazy.
38:17
Lost. Yeah. Darn it. Where did it go?
38:19
I told you, I'm gonna blow
38:20
Where did it go? ~
38:21
your mind here.
38:22
right. I remember now. I remember it was I
38:25
There you go.
38:26
have to say to people too.
38:28
Either way, it's gonna be hard.
38:29
So if you wanna give up and accept what is,
38:34
well, that's gonna be pretty shitty.
38:35
So you might as well keep going and accept that that's gonna be hard,
38:39
but at least that at least there's a a potential better place
38:45
in in that never quit lane.
38:47
Sure.
38:49
Sure, because it's like, how do you know what's there unless you've tried
38:52
to get there? You know, and I wanna get back to something you mentioned
38:55
y I years ago I used to gosh.
38:59
Fifty years ago, or no, heck I forget how old I am.
39:02
It's been fifty.
39:02
Forty nine, you said you were born,
39:04
right?
39:05
Yeah, I know. I'm 70 se I'll be 77 coming up.
39:08
Well.
39:08
Okay.
39:09
about 50 years ago, I was trying to explain to a group of people about and
39:13
it was a business that I had had,
39:15
and and and and and I and I was trying to explain to them about focus
39:19
and about having plans and knowing where you're going and have a goal.
39:23
And what I did, I took
39:25
I I I took on a whiteboard and I I drew a circle.
39:28
And at the circle I put a at the top of the circle at the twelve o'clock
39:32
I put a little dot or a big dot,
39:35
I don't remember. And a little ways around the curve,
39:38
I put another dot. And I said,
39:40
Okay, the top dot represents New York.
39:44
And the far dot, the other dot represents Paris.
39:47
Now that's an ocean liner that's going to make that voyage.
39:50
So fully for 99 point,
39:53
I believe it was 2%. I I did the research on it back in the day,
39:57
~ from a certain height on the on the ocean liner,
40:01
you couldn't see you couldn't see where the you know your your destination
40:05
Mm.
40:06
from New York to Paris. You couldn't see where you were going.
40:09
So you had to have a plan and you had to have a goal.
40:12
And you have ocean currents and wind currents and waves and all sorts
40:17
of stuff that you have to come,
40:18
you know, speeds and whatnot, you have to plan for to get where you're going.
40:24
So if you don't have a a a focus,
40:27
if you don't have a goal, if you don't have a plan how to get there or what
40:31
to do or how to correct your course,
40:33
you're gonna end up somewhere else.
40:36
You're knocking up where you want.
40:37
It's like somebody that plays golf.
40:39
I'm not a golf player. I've been on a golf course once or twice in my life
40:42
to watch fireworks and a golf cart.
40:44
I never walked on a course. But the thing is,
40:47
all golfers would like to hit 18 holes in one.
40:52
You're lucky if a lot of people are lucky if they ever hit one in their whole life
40:55
and they play golf a lot. You know?
40:55
Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
40:57
So the thing
40:58
is, when you s when you take that stroke,
41:01
and this is just from observation and having a lot of friends that play golf,
41:05
try and do your best, but correct it the best you can to make sure that
41:10
you take less strokes to get to the hole.
41:13
So that's just no different than the ocean liner.
41:16
That's just a bigger world view of it.
41:18
But
41:20
so I I don't know if does that if that makes some sense.
41:23
Mm-hmm. It does, yeah.
41:23
It's
41:24
it gives you a goal, you have to have a target,
41:27
you have to know where you're going.
41:28
And if you don't formulate it along the way,
41:32
you know, a little bit.
41:35
You've it and and and and you'll feel better about it too.
41:39
I mean, in reality, it get away from the ocean liner thing.
41:42
It's like, you know, helping somebody work out,
41:45
helping somebody overcome a problem,
41:47
helping somebody, as you said before,
41:49
some people just can't see it.
41:51
And I agree, some people just can't.
41:54
It's just like it's like unemployment.
41:56
No matter if there were multiple jobs for everybody on earth,
42:01
and they paid
42:03
40,000 times more than they were valued,
42:06
some people elect not to work.
42:08
I
42:08
Yeah, yeah.
42:10
I I don't get it. I don't understand it.
42:12
But
42:13
Yep. It okay. I noticed the time winding away.
42:18
I wanna ask you how do you you have any sort of particular habits
42:24
or prayers or mantras or ~ little routine things you
42:29
do regularly or when you start to notice yourself if you do ever get
42:35
to the poor me, poor me.
42:38
why me type of mindset. how do you how do you work through things like that when
42:43
when life gets hard?
42:45
I truly just envision what I'm capable of,
42:49
and what do I need to do to make that happen?
42:53
And I that's that's the true answer.
42:56
I do thank God every night when I go to bed for the day,
43:00
whatever I've been through, because I'm still alive.
43:03
And I think and trust God every day when I get up.
43:09
Because I trust that he's got a plan for me for the day.
43:12
And I trust that it's going to be something that I can accomplish because he's with
43:18
me. He's walking with me. If Jesus wasn't walking with me,
43:21
I would not be here. I say that with 1 million percent confidence.
43:26
I know he's here. I have said why me,
43:29
though, and I want to bring that up.
43:32
And it was when my mother came to visit me at the hospital about
43:35
four about four months after I had broken my neck.
43:39
And I was my left arm was starting to move.
43:41
And my left leg a little bit, very little bit,
43:45
a little bit. And she came in and,
43:47
you know, we were talking and she just I just said to her out of the blue,
43:51
why why me, mom? You know, like,
43:53
why me? I and I didn't mean it bad,
43:56
like why me? What happened?
43:57
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
43:58
And I didn't mean woe is me. But
44:00
Why me? I mean, the I should have been chewed up in the feeding log
44:04
or I've been dead. This is my third time.
44:07
This crap's gotta stop. I'm getting
44:09
Yeah.
44:10
tired of it. You know, I mean,
44:11
you gotta be you gotta go through it with me to understand where I'm coming from,
44:16
you know? And what what have I,
44:19
you know, and you know, and she told me ~ right then and there,
44:24
she said, you know, Jay, you know,
44:26
you made the choice to jump in the pool.
44:29
You made the choice to jump in a pool.
44:30
You had two people jump in to help save you.
44:33
God helped them move to do that.
44:37
So God saved you, but you made the choice to jump in a pool.
44:41
And I've accepted that. And the prayer that I got was extremely uplifting.
44:47
I I had prayer.
44:49
I had a prayer said for me, Mike,
44:51
as I was laying face down. The doctor had just walked out and told
44:55
me that I'd broken my he explained I didn't know what happened.
44:57
I just knew I was in bed and I hurt like hell.
45:00
And
45:02
And I was paralyzed and I couldn't move.
45:03
I didn't, I didn't even know I was paralyzed.
45:05
You know, I just knew I couldn't move.
45:07
But my wife had met somebody in the waiting room whose son was in a hospital,
45:11
and the gentleman asked, he said he'd like to say a prayer for me.
45:14
Would I accept it? You know, was that okay?
45:17
And if so, blink my eyes. And I blinked my eyes,
45:20
and he said a prayer, and you know,
45:22
about you know, being able to accomplish what I set out for and God would
45:26
be with me, and so on and so forth.
45:28
Well, little be known to me.
45:30
A gentleman's name was Tom Cooper.
45:32
And Tom went to a very large church in the Minneapolis area that
45:36
had about 5,000 congregants. And he had three services on Sunday
45:39
and one on Wednesday nights. And he went to every service,
45:43
every Sunday and Wednesday night and asked for prayer for me.
45:48
Hmm.
45:49
And my mother did the same.
45:51
And I did the same. And I'm sure others did the same.
45:54
But my point is that I was an overachiever,
45:58
over that's just my whole life.
46:00
I've always been a I gotta overdo.
46:03
I have to do it. And
46:05
I I ~ wow, forgot where I was at.
46:09
I was talking about overachieving and and during the week,
46:12
Prayer and and how you Yeah.
46:15
yeah,
46:16
you got me back, is the during the week I would I would overachieve because
46:20
a physical therapist might say raise your arm five times.
46:24
If you know, and you're struggling,
46:26
right? I would do it seven. He said,
46:28
No, I said five, you do it eight.
46:30
He said, Okay, Smarty, do it ten.
46:32
I do
46:33
Yeah.
46:33
it twelve. Okay, you want to challenge me?
46:36
I'll take the challenge. But my point is that during the week I would
46:40
I might see slight incremental changes over
46:47
days, but on Sundays, not doing anything.
46:51
Except working in my bed the best I could with what I had or what could move,
46:55
I got more back. Was it the power of prayer lifting up?
47:01
You know, it's it's like going to a movie and seeing,
47:05
blah, you know, hearing the the heavens open and the songs burst out.
47:09
Was it that, Mike? I don't know.
47:12
But it but I don't have any other explanation.
47:16
And that's what drove my faith from that point on.
47:18
I I had faith. I was in pr I was I would pray.
47:22
I would, you know, I believed.
47:24
And there's a big hope, big difference between the word hope,
47:27
because I hope I can, or I have faith that I can do that.
47:31
Two different words. Two and or I believe that I can do that.
47:37
Completely different. And so it depends on whether you have hope,
47:40
faith, or prayer. I mean, hope,
47:42
faith, or
47:43
or believing. And but prayer really came into me.
47:46
But that's what throughout my life since then.
47:50
It's like two years ago on my way to Florida,
47:53
I was in a car accident. Got got got bumped,
47:56
whatever, slid across a couple lanes of traffic,
47:59
hit a concrete abutment, slid across five lanes of traffic,
48:03
down in the ditch, van was totaled,
48:05
all the tires were blown out. I'm inside driving with hand controls.
48:09
And my wheelchair is back here behind me.
48:11
Well, they finally get me out of the van and all this other stuff.
48:15
And all I had was a cut on my right leg out of all of that.
48:20
And I felt like I was a toothpick stuck inside a marshmallow.
48:24
Hmm.
48:25
The whole time. It was like God had his hand wrapped around me and I said
48:30
it to the people when they were when they got me out.
48:33
And I'm saying it again today.
48:35
Cause that's what it felt like.
48:37
It was just like, I've got you and you're gonna be safe.
48:41
And I I people may think it's weird,
48:44
but it's it's a fact. And you know,
48:47
and the people came up, I they took my blood pressure.
48:50
I don't remember, I was real low.
48:51
I was like,
48:53
one 120 over 72 or something or I was very normal.
48:58
One 110 over 72, come to think of it.
49:01
And they said, you don't seem to have any anxiety or or or you're not,
49:06
you know, excited about what just happened.
49:10
I said, gentlemen, you don't have a clue what I've been through in my life.
49:14
This is nothing. I'm I'm good.
49:16
I'm alive. I'm okay. I'm talking to you.
49:19
I'm I can I can move my left arm,
49:21
you know.
49:22
And so it kind of gives you one di a different perspective when you look
49:27
at it like that.
49:28
Yeah. Well a lot of what you said is is well one
49:35
I want to sort of acknowledge that people do not have to sort
49:38
of have religious faith to embody many of the things that you just described.
49:43
And I think it's in
49:44
Yes, absolutely.
49:45
I think it's important because so many people,
49:47
myself included, at one point in my life,
49:50
I hear the word God, I hear the word prayer,
49:52
and I just I I sort of my back goes up and I and and that was out
49:58
of my own ignorance and my own small-mindedness.
50:02
and as I
50:03
recovered from my madness.
50:06
coming to develop a relationship with this idea of God and the transcendent
50:13
and sort of all whatever it is that's doing this the thing in
50:17
the universe really matters, I think.
50:20
And and I it kind of goes back to what we talked to earlier about community,
50:23
the the hollowing out of our spiritual lives.
50:26
I do think it is really important for people to develop a relationship
50:30
to whatever God means to them and
50:34
this idea of hope and faith and ~ as I was taught hope like I always
50:40
get it mixed up. I can't remember if hope comes before faith,
50:43
so to speak, but I can hope I can get better and I can have faith that if
50:46
I do these things I will get better ~ or things will change was fundamental for me.
50:53
And I'm not per se religious, although I probably act I like I am.
50:58
And sorry, last thing I'll say 'cause I really think this is so important,
51:01
is
51:02
One way that people can be more open to this,
51:05
it sort of comes from a Buddhist angle,
51:08
of this idea of may I like asking,
51:11
which is a form of prayer, right?
51:13
May I be open to may I have well-being?
51:17
May I ask for help? May I receive help?
51:20
May I? ~ yeah, I just wanted to mention all that and I will stop talking there.
51:26
No, I you're you're on cue. I mean you're you you're good with it all.
51:30
I I don't I had perfect attendance in Sunday school,
51:34
but it doesn't mean anything in reality.
51:36
But I'm sure I picked up little things and I and I I think that the part
51:40
of what we're missing in in the world too,
51:42
Mike, along with community is discipline and consistency.
51:46
You know? It's it's just
51:47
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
51:48
such
51:49
They're they're basic, simple words,
51:51
but there's just discipline and consistency and and through church and
51:55
we didn't go to church a lot, but when we didn't go to church,
51:58
we went on picnics as a family.
52:00
We, you know, we we embodied the familiness of it all and we always said
52:04
a prayer before breakfast, lunch,
52:06
and supper. It was a short prayer,
52:08
but it was it was just something we did.
52:10
And, you know, a lot of times we would thank God ~
52:15
off and on for little things and that happened to us that day as as as individuals,
52:20
my brothers, my sisters, my mother,
52:21
my father. And ~ but it it seemed to be more common,
52:26
but I I have not found that over the years,
52:30
and I'm old enough to be able to say that now,
52:33
that that that church is not necessarily the answer.
52:40
It's what's in church, if you can find
52:42
Mm-hmm.
52:43
it, but it's your
52:44
Mm-hmm.
52:44
personal relationship with with God or with that other being,
52:49
that power, more powerful being.
52:51
It's your relationship with that that matters.
52:54
Yeah.
52:55
That's it.
52:56
Beautiful. Yeah. I'm getting goosebumps.
53:00
I'll just let
53:02
Well.
53:02
I'll let those tinglies ~
53:06
Lovely. Yeah.
53:06
It's a
53:07
like I say before, it's a a lot of you know,
53:10
before you and I spoke on here recording,
53:12
you know, a lot of it is is just things that are learned and earned.
53:15
And and and and I don't like I say,
53:20
I'm not into the self-promotion issue whatsoever.
53:23
It's more what can you really help others learn and teach?
53:27
through what all that you've experienced,
53:30
especially the life and the death and almost four years in hospitals.
53:34
I it drives me crazy when somebody says,
53:37
I had to spend three days in the hospital five years.
53:40
Yeah.
53:41
Really? Three days? Wow. You know,
53:43
like, hey, do you mind if I go visit for a while?
53:46
I don't care. You know the guy I got off
53:48
Yeah.
53:48
an elevator here about nine,
53:52
ten years ago and I was on my walker and ~ the guy
53:56
says to me, says, you're on a walker,
53:58
huh? You're gonna enjoy that. I've been on one for six weeks.
54:00
I said, Really? Six weeks? ~ my gosh.
54:04
I've been on this for almost eighteen years.
54:06
You know, it's so, you know, it's all a perspective.
54:09
It's like he doesn't know and I don't really care.
54:11
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
54:12
It's like it is what
54:14
it is. It's what I needed to get around.
54:15
You know.
54:17
But as I go backwards, yes, I did walk.
54:19
Yes, I was on leg braces. Yes,
54:21
I used crutches and canes for about seventeen or eighteen years.
54:25
Then I was on a walker after more brainstem surgeries.
54:28
a walker for right at eighteen years.
54:30
Now I'm in a an electric power wheelchair.
54:32
Here's my head rest back here.
54:34
And and ~ that's the only way I can get around,
54:38
you know, it's like that or on my scooter and ~
54:41
So, you know, thing even though things are getting worse,
54:43
I think things are getting better because I'm still alive,
54:46
I'm still cooking, I can still think,
54:49
I've I've I'm active, I I go a lot of different directions and and
54:54
I really hope that I'm helping other people.
54:56
I really do. I think that that bringing it back,
54:59
a lot of things that we've talked about here,
55:01
~ wow. I I mean I it it it would it would appear that some things that what we've
55:06
talked about of if you've
55:08
have affected you. I mean, you've understood
55:10
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
55:11
a different perspective. But that's the whole point.
55:14
We all look at things from a different perspective.
55:17
You know?
55:19
Okay, well Jay, thank you so much.
55:21
All your you know, the the info about your book and and your work will
55:25
be in the show notes for people to check out.
55:27
And thank you so very much for sharing your wisdom with us.
55:32
I I I appreciate it very much.
55:34
And I I I want to mention the the book has been doing really well and it's it's
55:39
~ it's number one in two categories and I'm kinda I I had no concept that would ever
55:43
do that on Amazon. It's number one in
55:46
the physability inspiration through physical disabilities section
55:53
and through late teen through mid thirties.
55:57
For motivation and inspiration,
55:59
which really surprises me. And about three weeks ago,
56:02
I'd like to mention I I got a a letter from an eighty-eight-year-old lady,
56:07
eighty-eight and a half-year-old lady,
56:09
I'm on my website. And she said,
56:12
I want you to know, Mr. Setchell,
56:14
that I've read your book. My my son got it from his son.
56:17
So
56:19
grandson to her. And ~ I read your book and I read it again and
56:23
I highlighted an underlined and all that stuff.
56:26
Then I went back and I reread certain parts and I read it and read it and read it.
56:30
And I want you to know that I'm 88 and a half and my mind my f
56:34
my husband passed away about five years ago.
56:37
And I really didn't till I read this book,
56:40
I didn't care if I lived to be 90.
56:42
I really didn't care.
56:45
I'm I'm old enough, I've been through enough,
56:47
I've seen enough, I didn't care.
56:50
I've now changed my mind and I'm inspired to live and
56:55
I'm planning my 95th birthday.
56:58
And I thought, well, hallelujah,
57:00
you know, that's an amazing thing.
57:01
Yeah, it's beautiful.
57:03
~
57:04
Amazing.
57:06
You know, the book's more, it's not about
57:08
Yeah, there's a little bit in there about my physical issues and stuff,
57:11
but it's more about what you do to overcome stuff.
57:14
It's it's not about the obstacle,
57:16
Mike. It's about how did you get through it?
57:18
How did you get over it? What
57:19
Mm-hmm.
57:20
did it teach you? What did you learn from it?
57:22
What kind of resilience, fat in increase in resilience did you gain from that?
57:27
What kind of intellect did you pick up to to address your next problem?
57:31
So I I I that's more what it's about.
57:34
You know, the strength within you,
57:35
it's always too soon to quit. Is
57:38
That that's that's where it comes back.
57:40
So but I appreciate it and I'd like to leave these last words if you have that what
57:47
lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are small matters compared
57:52
to what lie within us.
57:55
Beautiful. Thoreau, I think. Isn't that thoreau?
57:58
That is Ralph Walder Emerson. Well it's a case
58:00
Emerson, yeah.
58:01
and I've checked it out and it's accredited to him,
58:03
but they don't know for sure who said it.
58:05
Okay,
58:05
yeah, yeah. What did I think I I I love that quote.
58:09
Thank you so much.
58:11
Hey, you're welcome, sir. Thanks,
58:13
Mike.
58:14
Thank you for listening to this episode of the State of Mind podcast.
58:18
Before you go, pick one idea from today's episode and practice it this week.
58:24
Remember, live with courage, clarity,
58:27
and compassion.
58:29
Practice inner strength and develop within.
58:32
If you enjoyed this episode, please give us a thumbs up,
58:37
a share, a like, a follow,
58:39
subscribe to the podcast, and share it with someone who you think
58:44
might find it helpful.
58:46
I wish you all the very best. Take it easy.
58:50
Peace out.