Latest / The Rosanne Callens Podcast / E14: Laughter Matters More Than You Think | with Jess Humphreys
Transcript
- Rosanne Callens: Hi friends. Rosanne Callens here. Today's conversation is so special me because not just about someone's career journey. It's about connection, community, and full circle moments. ⁓ I met today's guest back in 2012 in ⁓ Lajes, Azores. And if don't know where that is, it's right in middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Jess Humphreys: You Rosanne Callens: And we were both military spouses working at what is now called the Military and Family Readiness Center, supporting others, building community and navigating life in such a unique place. And I have to say, one of the funny things about military spouse life is that you make these really deep connections with people and then you just get flung all over the world, different countries, different bases. You're in different chapters of life, but somehow you stay connected. Jess Humphreys: you Rosanne Callens: or you see something and it reminds you of someone and you think, man, I wonder how they're doing. Where are they right now? And so you reach out and that's what always happens with Jess. We met all those years ago on the Azores. We went our separate ways, but here we are again having a conversation. Jess built an career ⁓ in finance, leadership, and importantly, I would say, relationship building. Jess helps people navigate big decisions and move forward in meaningful ways. But more than that, one of my favorite things about Jess is that he's someone who genuinely cares about people. He shows up with humor, heart and honesty. And whenever I need a laugh, I know where to go to. So Jess, I'm so happy to have you here. Jess Humphreys: Thank you, Rosanne, it's great to be here and wow, such high praise, such high, praise, but you're fantastic at that and that's part of what I think we work well off of each other or with each other is ⁓ just energy is contagious ⁓ ⁓ the you people feel is just remarkable to watch you work. Rosanne Callens: take that. ⁓ so much. You know, ⁓ met Jess at a really, really challenging time in my life and my stress level, I think on a scale of one to 10 was probably a 12. And ⁓ time I saw Jess, he just made that stress level go down. He made everything feel doable. And I can't wait for you guys to listen to our conversation because I'm sure he's going to make you smile too. ⁓ Jess, for anyone who doesn't know you yet, who is Jess Humphreys and what does your life look like right now? Jess Humphreys: Thank you, great question. So I have thought about this for a while and I thought that... First and foremost, I'm a Christian and I'm a family man because when I look at any action I take, any decision I make, the two foundations that those are all rooted in are my faith and my family, which thankfully ⁓ going through some of these topics have both been incredible foundations for me to lean on love being a dad now I have an incredible girlfriend my parents are still alive so I'm a son I'm a brother but I would say ⁓ leading all of those ⁓ is being a dad being a father Currently I'm an account executive in the mortgage world, so I'm continually talking to people and is all about icebreakers, which is part of ⁓ humor tool because you're trying to open doors. one thing that I guess a common denominator amongst everyone is humor and laughter. Rosanne Callens: Yeah, humor really connects us. It's so powerful. It really is a universal language, right? So Jess, you grew up in South Dakota and I know we used to talk about this because I used to be stationed up in North Dakota. For people who have never been there and don't know that world, what did growing up in South Dakota give you, How did that shape who you are today? Jess Humphreys: So first, it was always funny when people, like, where are from? South Dakota. Oh, the Dakotas. No, no, no, not the Dakotas. They are clearly two separate states. So then I started to get kind of cocky and people would be like, where are from? And I'd say, Sioux Falls, because people from Chicago could say Chicago, people from Denver. So I was like, I'm just going to flex and say Sioux Falls. But it's... The little house on the prairie land. So it is flat, is agriculture, but it is beautiful. Blue skies, green grass, clear fresh water. Sioux Falls is actually, the Sioux River flows, ⁓ it makes little bit of an elbow and it flows north for a bit and Falls is kind of a peninsula within ⁓ that elbow and so we're surrounded that river and just seeing it. But I've also found the strength of coming from a small town and the Midwest, very community minded, very neighborly. and perhaps part of it is the winters and that we're all in this together kind of mentality. with that intimacy, with that size, there's definitely ⁓ a heightened accountability ⁓ and requirement be neighborly, to be a person because can't. You can't really mess around. I'd say it's paid dividends just in my approach to life and everywhere I've lived and trying to like, instead of shrinking to fit, I'm trying to grow my surroundings to improve to that mindset. Rosanne Callens: Yeah, there's a lot of intentionality that I hear you saying and also community. And I would agree that water is just so wonderful to be around. It helps that it's the flow of life, Which I think that's very much you as well. ⁓ And we were stationed in the Azores, we had water ⁓ all us. used to tell people you can't get lost on this island. Just keep the water on your right and you'll eventually get back to the base, right? ⁓ People so worried about getting lost. It's really funny. ⁓ Jess Humphreys: all around us. Yep. Rosanne Callens: so Jess, you are really just one of the funniest people I know. Where did that come from? was humor always a part of how you move through the world? I think that's just important to talk about. Sometimes people just say, ⁓ well, you know, I'm not naturally funny or, or whatever, but I, I always disagree with that. I think we all have things that we, that make us chuckle or make us kind of do that. tell me a little bit about where humor came from with you. Jess Humphreys: Yes, we will have to come back to a part about how humor gets me in trouble as well. I have like. Honestly, probably one of the most after-school special ABC Childhoods ever like so blessed dad had a steady job. He was a firefighter. So for 31 years We had meals, you know, we ate supper as a family at the table My mom has really strong like maternal instincts in the size of her family. and I was thinking about her humor versus my dad's humor so my dad was more of a storyteller and he'd sit there and hold court, we'd just be like in stitches and just ⁓ by his stories. My mom had more situational humor and watching her interact and so forth, because dad was more about the task and the job, and then when the work was done, then he'd tell stories and be funny. mom was more like an operational funny person. Well then, when my brother, who was probably my humor role model, when he came of ⁓ age, because he's years older than me, he totally held court and so watching that power because I'm the youngest of four kids and watching that power he had to have my dad crying at the table my sister couldn't breathe because they'd be laughing so hard and talk about a guy that knows how to like embellish a story that's that's my brother so watching that and seeing that power right not only the power but just the My dad's a strong, strong guy. grew up a farmer and then he was a firefighter, but he worked his whole life. And so to see him soften, like just to see what power that was, but then also the release, like the medicine of it all and how good you feel because it is, you know, the endorphins and everything that happens when you're just laughing your guts out. mean, it's a comedy is a billion dollar industry, right? So, and that it is because people feel good when they laugh. Like my girlfriend is very intellectual and she's an absolute, she's a high school counselor and she's a total professional. Like not a stiff total professional, but she's like an actual excellent counselor. She's a professional counselor for the school. ⁓ Yeah. And so she will say things that, ⁓ Rosanne Callens: can attest to that. Yes. Jess Humphreys: We'll be having a serious conversation and I just lose it because what she says is so hilarious but it's not intentional. She's not trying to be funny but like we were talking the other day about it's it's registration time for the next school year and she was talking about how the kids that are taking welding are not gonna take pre-calc. I lost it Rosanne. couldn't and she's you know she starts to get a little flustered because It's the timing is bad and it's just like, you know, don't don't get mad. like, I'm not laughing at you at you, but like the way you said it and just it's so like that needs to be a sticker for water bottles. That needs to be a T-shirt like seriously. And she's like, OK, whatever back, you know, back to my what I was talking about. But it's just so it's so magical. And then Dylan. my son Harper was my daughter she was getting ⁓ frustrated with something and instead of ⁓ Rosetta I'm like one of my proudest moments of his humor but instead of getting frustrated and then like nipping at each other he says well hello Lorax do you speak for all the trees and just like totally quoted the movie yeah I'm like why because we don't watch that movie often but Rosanne Callens: Lorax Jess Humphreys: It was somewhere up in his gray matter and right when he needed it, boom, there it was. And I was like, ⁓ and you know, the harbor, she couldn't be mad either because his timing, the placement, everything was like perfection. And so it was, that was pretty awesome too. And so then just him knowing it's, I'm thrilled that that. sense of humor and the power of humor and laughter has passed on to them and they see the value of it and I think... taking them to school and we had to, because of their ages and they were at two different schools, but they had to carpool, which meant one had to get up a little earlier than they would if they took the bus or what have you. So we're driving and they're kind of grumpy and I don't do well in grumpy. I don't do well in stale air, stagnant anything, and silence kills me. So I'm trying to get everybody to cheer up and they're like, rah rah shish boom bah. And so I start telling this funny story, it's totally made up. other than the fact that I did fly on an airplane. But I had them in, I had them in stitches. And so then I just keep embellishing it and rolling. So now this is what I've learned from my brother. And so I used to really stick to the facts of my stories to try to be funny and it didn't really work as well. And I saw what he did. So this one I just like let loose and was telling, just like letting it flow. So about. Rosanne Callens: So what I hear you saying is, is seeing, watching someone too and watching someone who does get a lot of laughs and say like, hey, I want to incorporate some of that, you know, and take it for a test drive. Jess Humphreys: Well, yeah, because as a little brother in accountability, I'd be like, you know. That didn't happen. Like that's not true. ⁓ know, he's like, shush, go away. You're ruining the moment. it was about like a week later, maybe a week and a half later and same energy in the car or whatever. I'm like, you guys want to listen to the radio? And they're like, tell us that story again. And I couldn't because I'd made up like 90 % of it. And I was like, ⁓ I'd love to, but that's gone, right? It was just the magic of the moment, there's no tape recorder. I wasn't writing it down and it's not a true story. So, yeah. Rosanne Callens: Jess, this is when we have to give the parenting tip to the younger parents to say, you just ask the child back. ⁓ well, why don't you tell me that story back? I'd love to hear it from you. Right. You're like, ⁓ no, I can't remember. ⁓ Jess Humphreys: Yeah, right. Which I wish I had that grace at the moment because instead of saying, don't remember, then the energy went, where I should have said, ⁓ Harper, well, what do you remember? That would have been funny too. Rosanne Callens: I know. My kids have heard that too. I don't remember. They, that's the story of my life. Jess, well, I bet that really helps a lot. You know, once again in the mortgage industry, it's like, you know, people get so excited when they're making, you know, one of their largest purchases, right? It's like, it's so exciting, but also so stressful. And I can just imagine that that plays so well for you to be able to help them in those stressful situations. But like for you, can you think of a time for you where like, where humor genuinely helped you? navigate something that could have, you I don't like really saying broken you, but you know, just really set you back or knocked you down for longer. Does anything come to mind? Jess Humphreys: So I don't know if I'm the best person to answer that question because I thought long and hard about it and I don't know if I've ever consciously made that decision versus reading the moment or if it's just something that happens. ⁓ I know for sure when there have been a couple of really rough spots, ⁓ I wanna just like. I went and sat in a church by myself. It wasn't during mass or anything like that. I just went and sat in the quiet and stillness of it just to be just to be somewhere other than like at home because I was home by myself and I didn't want to be like alone with my my thoughts and just that ⁓ just all the questions that were racing through my head. And so I went somewhere where I felt comfortable and I felt like ⁓ a member of something bigger than myself. And then once I kind of ⁓ felt better was just like, you know, thought about. how insignificant we really all are, how we're all just, know, some of those quotes on Instagram or whatever, like we're all just specks of a collection of atoms that form a body that are on this rock that's hurdling through the, you know, the universe at this many miles an hour, how like really silly it is to get upset and so forth. And then the humor is the medicine that brings me back. It's the thing that like settles me and resets to where ⁓ I can move forward. Because there's times where ⁓ appropriateness or inappropriateness, like we were in the basement of my friend's house, his mom had passed away, and all the adults were, we were probably like 21 or so, just a couple years out of high school, but it all got back together for the first time, because she was the first parent that had passed away. And a real professional, ⁓ kind of a, straight-laced family, let me put it that way. So all the adults were upstairs and we were just downstairs and we just kind of started, because my friends are the same way, like the number of us. One friend has, I think, like 13 nicknames, right? So just that humor. we kind of, for a minute, we kind of looked at each other like, this appropriate? Because we were down there just busting a gut because we were reconnecting. We were helping our friend back, you know, like through the fact that his mom had passed away. And part of that was just like reliving stories and laughing and so forth. But like, you know, there was like a quiet moment. don't know. It wasn't like the seven minute because we were on a we were on a roll for a while, but. Listening to the energy upstairs and how mismatch was like are we gonna get in trouble because we're down here like busting a gut and you know, but But it was the medicine. It was a medicine. We knew how to use to help Mike. It was the medicine Mike needed ⁓ So it's It's definitely that and you know, even like when I reached out to you at some tough times and and you know my my situation well, but part of like what helped us just Rosanne Callens: Yeah. Jess Humphreys: deal with it was we got each other laughing on the phone as well so it's yeah and so it's just ⁓ it's just so it's so helpful and it's again the the feeling and and being at peace Rosanne Callens: all the ⁓ I think that speaking of, I think that was a beautiful thing to help your friend get through their dad's funeral because that actually makes me think of, for me, a time that humor genuinely helped me navigate something that could have, that did really feel like it set me back. feel like I couldn't breathe was when my dad died. We were, I was overseas in England and I had to get on the plane and fly back to California. And I just remember wanting to speak at his. service that we were having and I just felt like I couldn't. And all of a sudden it came to me. I feel that I'm naturally, I'm naturally jovial and somewhat funny in my workshops. But when it's your own personal life and you have something like that, it just doesn't naturally come, I guess. And so all of a sudden I thought, wait a minute, I'm going to get three things that make me think of my dad, electrical tape, a Stanley thermos, and a map. And I was able to tell the most hilarious stories, mostly of my dad yelling at me with these three things, but I should have got the purple paint that goes around the PVC pipes from all the sprinklers I ran over a mowing the lawn when I was a little girl. But I didn't have time, you know, to think like that, but it made everyone laugh there thinking about my dad. And it made me feel so proud that I was able to honor him because it's very hard to talk when, when something is that I Any advice I give to someone who's lost someone special to them and they have an opportunity to speak at their service. I always try to help them so much to say that you would really be proud of yourself for saying something. And it's a way to honor their memory, but it's okay if you can't cause not everyone can. But humor, humor did get me through it, Jess. And I love that you helped your friend. ⁓ but what about when someone feels like they're not allowed to be funny? ⁓ Do you think that people have to be serious to be taken seriously, Jess? You know, like what are your thoughts on that? Because I know I have some people listening that are thinking like, well, I'm just not, you know, naturally like that. Jess Humphreys: So that's... Well, first of all, let's go back a little bit because there's two people listening that there's a group of people that know you and a group of people that don't. And the people that know you that just heard you say that you're not naturally funny are like rolling their eyes out of their head because you are hilarious. Your timing, your like the way you kind of apologize. Like, OK, we're going to go up to the top of the rock and the spaghetti is amazing. And we're all like, OK, Rosanne says it because we love her and believe her. And then you get up there and like, I think it took me six months to realize that. You were just being a professional and celebrating what was available, but that the spaghetti may not have really been so amazing or it may have tasted a bit like taco meat. ⁓ but it's, I think they just need to relax and allow themselves to be. ⁓ Try and read the room, because there are times when it's not appropriate. ⁓ Some of the humor, like a lesson I kind of learned the hard way ⁓ was to not be self-depreciating to the point where people don't respect you. Like if you need to break the ice, maybe keep it at one or two, if you have to even do that, because... if you establish that that's maybe your value or your worth or that's how you'll be treated, like, cause I've seen it where, ⁓ if I'm not the facilitator, but I still break the ice and I did something that was self-depreciating, then I became like the butt of the joke. Like I was, I was used to help work the room, which then it wasn't really funny anymore. And then it was like, okay, now my value is shrinking. And it's like, that's not cool. ⁓ but I'll If it helps recover, I mean, there have been times where like my go-to and the kids will challenge me like, you shouldn't be laughing. I'm like, when I'm uncomfortable, I laugh. Like it's just where I go. Yeah, and it's... You know, it's a school night, it's 1230, I understand you can't sleep, I'm, you know, you're pushing me, pushing me, pushing me, and I just lost it. I just started laughing hysterically to like, I'm holding like one arm, steadying myself on the back of the couch, because I'm standing behind the couch, the other arm, like my hand, I'm wiping the tears from my eyes, trying to breathe, and my daughter's just like, you know. Is this bad? am I gonna, you know, I'm like, I'm like, thankfully for you, sometimes I will joke because I've had, when I was little, I had some concussions as an active young man. But I'll be like, lucky for you, I've had some concussions because if I hadn't, I don't know if that's why I laugh like I do, but otherwise you'd be in, you know, super deep trouble right now. But. Rosanne Callens: Yeah. Humors, the type of humor is what I hear you saying is the type, the type of humor and the timing of the humor. And I also, as much as I love hanging around with funny people, they light me up, like everything we're talking about, but there are a group of people that I don't appreciate personally. My personal opinion is I don't like the humor where people make fun of others. I, I don't like hanging around people like that because inevitably you start to think, wait a minute, are they talking about me? Like, Jess Humphreys: Yeah. Rosanne Callens: When they say, ⁓ I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding. And are you really just kidding? That kind of humor, I'm not a big fan of, but I would say you and I have G and PG humor. Maybe sometimes are, depending on the situation. But I mean, for the most part, we're pretty chill. Jess Humphreys: Sometimes. ⁓ Yeah, no, and you're right because it's humor. Humor should never be permission to be mean. And it's like I think a person who if you watch Disney's Tangled, Mother Gothel is there's a piece in there where she kind of puts on a masterclass at just being a backstabbing like everything she says to Rapunzel so hamstringing, but then she apologized. And like so that that's definitely off. That's that's not acceptable. ⁓ Yeah, but then like the other one of just saying, know, Matt Foley self-depreciates, but then that's his character. So then I saw some people try and use kind of that character, but then just, there's no value added. And by the time they're done, it's like. Rosanne Callens: teaching people how to do Jess Humphreys: you felt sorry for them because it was almost like a coping mechanism. So instead of saying like, sorry, I'm late, I this or that, it was like, ⁓ and they carried the joke too long at their own expense. And then it's like, man, I wish they would have pumped the brakes. So, yeah. Rosanne Callens: that respect level. Yeah, well, and I know I you for a limited time, but, know, once again, the reason why I'm leaning so hard in this into this humor is because Jess, everyone just truly, you know, people see Jess and they see me ⁓ they think, it's so easy. It's so easy for Jess to to roll with the punches and it's so easy for Rosanne ⁓ and not true. It's not easy for us. Right. ⁓ And I'm I'm kind of, you know, skipping a little bit ahead of here, but like when a plan falls apart or just like our life comes off the rails and believe me, everyone, when we were military spouses, it comes off the rails. Right. Like you can't control what the government's telling you to do. then even outside of that life, same thing. You can't control life. Right. So what's that process? Like how do you regroup without spiraling? Like I'm constantly doing little content about that. Right. Like the magic is in you and all of that. But I would just like your perspective Jess, like how do you regroup? Jess Humphreys: So we were at, ⁓ this is nowhere near the depth of the situation you're talking about, but we were at Disney World and there was a guy wearing a t-shirt from, I thought it was from Goof Troop, from the Goofy TV show and so forth. And I went to compliment him and we're at Disney World, the happiest place on earth, and I was like, hey, that's good to see some old school, you're repping some old school Goofy stuff. I don't see a lot of that. It's all the princesses and this and that. and he goes, it's not Goof Troop, this is Livewire, or I think that's the character's name. And so I'm like, ⁓ sorry. it goes for a bit, but anyway, so it turns out that this character was a rock and roll star that was the hero of Goofy's son. And so he had like a very limited run, very limited role. only ever in a movie etc etc but this guy that was his jam and I guess I just totally insulted him and and I was like ⁓ well thanks I mean you kind of sent me to school there and then I guess I the way I said that I felt I may have sounded too hurt or corrected or whatever because he's like well it's not like that and I was like what kind of what you know like I didn't say it but it's like dude yeah I'm just trying to compliment you sure but he was like so offended that I didn't even know I didn't know who livewire was but anyway Rosanne Callens: Like at Disneyland, like you're like, all right. Jess Humphreys: I say that because my kids have seen me and I think it was my daughter, was like, how are you so confident? And it's like, I don't know that I'm confident, I just love people and I believe in the good in people. And be it the checkout line at the grocery store or someone's wearing something goofy and you give them attention, you give them validation, you give them time. And something I learned from one of my best friends is if you ask people questions, people love to talk about themselves. And so it's just, guess, that that faith and having been around for a while that, you know, I believe in it. So. ⁓ I thought I used that I talked to them. I brought it back to my kids. was like, you know, remember you said that like, how are you so confident? Like it is a gamble. said, and I gave that as an example, like sometimes you fall on your face and there's no ill intent. And there was no ill intent on his part either, but it didn't land at all. And it wasn't a fun interaction. And I kind of, think I literally like stepped backwards from like, I think I'll just go now, but ⁓ the The thing is just to... Collect. And I can't explain it, Rosanne. I don't know where it comes from. Like when we were in Tokyo and there was the four of us and we lost, you our son got sidetracked from us. I was calm as a cucumber. I can't explain why or how, but in thinking back and then trying to understand it, maybe it was because the... best thing I could be for my family was to be a rock at that moment, to not show the nervousness, to not have any calamity and just be like, okay, this is what he's wearing. Thankfully we're in the safest, you if you're gonna lose a kid in a crowd, yeah, that's the place to do it. Plus, you know, you've got a blonde haired, blue eyed kid in Japan, it's gonna be easy to locate him, but then just to be like, okay, that's where he was, here's what we're gonna do. But just, Rosanne Callens: That's the place to lose them. Yeah. Jess Humphreys: Know that the recovery is waiting for you. Know that the humor is in your pocket or in your tool belt that it's there for you. And then you just, you you need to check. There was definitely no jokes being made at that time, right? Like it wasn't about humor then. And it's not something we're able to joke about now, surprisingly, even though it was over like nine or 10 years ago. Like my daughter still doesn't want to talk about it. And so then to know that too, right? To be funny and to know that that's taboo. So we're not gonna go, and I don't know that we ever will, just because of what that interaction meant to her. ⁓ But. Rosanne Callens: Yeah, there's a time. I love that you recognize that. You you recognize that once again, I think when people do use humor too, they don't read the room or they don't see how it's affecting someone. So sometimes what you think is very funny by, I think something that I taught my kids is to look at people's really pay attention to people's facial expressions. And when they were younger, I used to say to them, do I look happy right now? Do I look, I would say, what does my face look like to teach them to read people's faces? But Speaking of people, just want to go back to what you said. Jess said, I wrote it down. I'm not fancy enough to pull this out in a text clip. I'm not confident. I just love people. And I would, I would say that that is the secret. always tell, well, my kids or anyone I know, people want to feel seen. You know, even when we're in the Dutch Brothers line, I don't know if you have Dutch Brothers in Georgia, but my kids love Dutch Brothers. And it's like, you know, here are these kids that are out in the rain or the hot, hot sun taking your order. And when they say, hi, how are you today? Just even saying, hey, how are you doing? Or I love your earrings or they're always wearing clips. They're always wearing something. And then they're always taking it back. They're like, oh, thank you. Right. Just loving people and just understanding everyone is here. Jess Humphreys: Right? Right. Rosanne Callens: being the best they can, of course, there bad actors around? Yes, there are bad people, but for the most part, I feel people want to be seen and you do a wonderful job of doing that. Jess, when, well, I just want to say this too. You talked about, of course, losing Dylan and that was obviously a very big thing, but was there, is there something else that came? comes to mind about something that life just really threw at you and what it taught you about yourself. I mean, I think you really kind of went into it even with losing Dylan. That was a really big thing. Jess Humphreys: Yeah, so I mean with being a parent and now a single parent, ⁓ watching them grow and how sometimes, so I truly believe in family, in relationships, in healthy, even though it's not a pretty part of the family, it's kind of the ugly side of family, but... I mean, I'm guilty of it as well from when I was a little brother, like when I was younger and my sister, who's one of my absolute best friends now, we fought like cats and dogs. so being that person in your kids' lives that there's no parade or recognition, the way they talk about you when you're not around. And then when you are around, sometimes how hard they push on you because they know... People tend to push the hardest where the bond is the strongest. I will always be their dad. They'll always be siblings. And I try and coach them out of it. It's like, look, you'll never not be her brother and you'll never not be his sister. But you shouldn't be ugly like that because you should be building each other up and lifting each other up. And so to know that sometimes you're... the kicking post or the claw, know, the scratching post or whatever for your kids because you know, when you get them to unpack and unzip that ugliness of what they experienced during the dance, because at first you're kind like, whoa, check your, check your attitude there skipper. And only to find out like what, what's really on their heart. And then to help them and sit. sit there in the moment with them and again, that's reading the room. It's not the right time to be funny, but you're kind of like taking snippets of what they said. ⁓ I've literally had to like bite my lip to not laugh because A, I'm uncomfortable. B, when you're 50 and you've been through life and you've been through some different things and what's, it's the truth. Like, hey, new parents, their emotions are 100 % valid because they're big emotions, it's their reality. and you trade spots with them in a minute and they think they want to trade spots with you in a heartbeat, but that's not, you know, it's not the case. But then to know what's on the other side of it. We're gonna get through this. I'm gonna let this off of their heart. It's really ugly. The way they're speaking to me is ugly, but it's not. It's like I'm the dummy and they're just getting the anger or the frustration out against the dummy. And so I guess in a way able to separate that because I know they love me. They know I love them. ⁓ But it gets, you know, it gets ugly sometimes. And then when you hear, you know, the way kids talk to each other and the way like, I mean, like some of the things they talk about, like it's almost like a catchphrase with the way they speak to each other. I might have heard one. in like middle school or high school but for them it's just like there's yeah so common and so it's Rosanne Callens: Yeah, common, common language now. Yeah, we need to do a whole separate podcast about that. And I think that's very different as a parent and that's hard. What I hear you saying is what it taught you about yourself is just being self-aware enough to know that it's not all about you, right? You're there for your kids. I do think that people forget that our children, even our high schoolers, like that's their entire world. Jess Humphreys: Yeah. Rosanne Callens: You know, we've, we're thinking about rent. I'm thinking about my flight. I'm thinking about a million things. And it doesn't mean that kids aren't thinking about a million things, but their whole world is school and their social group. And you know, it's, it's, it's very limited, which means it's everything. It's everything. And so, ⁓ I think that's beautiful that you shared that. it's perfect going into a question I have about. being a single dad, but one thing I do want to share before this, because when you were answering that question, it made me think about, ⁓ you know, we, when we learn lessons about ourselves, you know, we have this tape, I use tape cause you know, I'm Gen X, right? We have this tape in our mind of like who we are and how we, how we power through things. And I was going through such a hard time in my life. ⁓ you know, years back, and when I tell this story in a workshop, I said to them, I said, okay, I needed to get a new job. was moving around, you know, across the world. And this lady said, Rosanne, you'd be so great for this job. I'm to connect you with so-and-so. ⁓ and sure enough, she wrote me an email. She wrote an email to the lady. She CC'd me on it. And she said, Rosanne would be so great. And I say to everyone, what do you guys think I did? And they're like, you messaged her on LinkedIn. You connected, you called her, you know, because I teach people, we got to reach out. I say, no, ⁓ I I was so overwhelmed in my life that I froze and here I am someone who actively says, ask our friends for help. Ask the people who love you for help or our kids. And we say to our kids, ask me for help to let me know you're struggling. But sometimes when you're going through it, you just don't see it. And I tell people, no, I didn't do anything. And literally people will go, ⁓ what happened next? And so people will have to stay tuned. to know what happens next. I'll have to do that in another clip sometime, but we react in different ways when we're in a situation that is just completely foreign to us because of all those other layers on it. so being a single dad, that brings all sorts of new layers. And I talked to so many dads, like honestly, I really feel that. It's a population that is underserved because they really struggle with being vulnerable. ⁓ Vulnerable bravery, which does not roll off the tongue, but to be brave enough to say, hey, this is really hard for me right now. ⁓ What do you want people to understand just from your perspective about being a single dad? know, what's it like? What was something that, you know, that was a definite change for you as a single dad that you were able to get through? Jess Humphreys: Thank No, just, so I mean, I spent so much time being a stay at home dad too, that knowing these kids so, so well. ⁓ And so then when I became a single dad, knew who they were. I knew how they operated. The thing that's changed now from when they were little kids to being 13 and 17 is those one size fits all tricks don't work. Now, know, one's going in one direction, one's going in the other, and so you have to, there's more intention required, there's more management required. But I mean, had Harper and Stitches the other day talking about how precious, you know, a little Welch's package of fruit snacks was and how that was like the most precious currency available and how it how it solved things but the the being being strong enough to be vulnerable being confident enough to know like I I forget how they say it if it's the impeccable truth and the the four ⁓ Four testaments or what's it called? The Four... Four Agreements. Rosanne Callens: for agreements. Jess Humphreys: And so I've taught them like, if all you ever tell is the truth, you don't have to remember anything. You don't have to memorize a story or anything because you've told the truth and that's all there is. And so in being honest with the kids and there's some things I've said that have been both like not their level or not appropriate because my, you know, my son will get into the locker room mentality. Sometimes that'll be like, I can't go there with you. Like I love you buddy. Like, but I'm still your dad. And the same with, with my daughter. the same where it's like you know we can't we can't go there and just it's not appropriate I'm happy to answer any questions but then it gets like clinical you know so but but to be but to be safe and confident in that as well because they need you you are you are everything now you're the mom and the dad in your home and for you you're the mom and the dad in your home because so it's you know the Rosanne Callens: You Jess Humphreys: the menu selection, like Mondays when they leave, sometimes I'm exhausted because I've gone from making all the decisions, you know, like all for myself, like I know what I want to eat. And it's funny too, like, what are you guys hungry for? ⁓ we don't care. was like, guys, I can eat anywhere I want, you know, when I'm by myself, there's, so I would like, like where somewhere you would like to go, because I'm happy taking you where you would like to go. ⁓ But sometimes when I cook, you know, One kid is just smashing it and you feel like a chef and then the other kid is like, their nose is totally turned up and they just don't want anything to do with what you made and it's like, okay, and then I don't remember not making what you didn't, I didn't make what you didn't ask for, right? There was no request, like, help me help you, but. Rosanne Callens: Yeah. Yeah. You got to put a request in everyone. Jess Humphreys: You gotta put a request in. And so, you know, having a daughter, thankfully I had two sisters, so I know like everything she was gonna go through, but then I also, know, to speak appropriately, and there was some humor that was used as a tool with that, with puberty and so forth, and the whole... Wonder Years episode where they you know the PE teacher draws the ovaries and the uterus and Kevin Arnold's like it looks like a cow's head and all that stuff and you know, so I'm thinking and my wonderful ⁓ yeah. Yeah, the the wonderful thing. Well so many wonderful things about Kelly my girlfriend, but she's like she can see me Go in like you talked about using tape I think in pictures and she's like I just saw you like what did what picture did you see just now? Because she can see me go in you know into my head Rosanne Callens: We're going way back with the wonder years. love it. Jess Humphreys: and think of something but... So that was kind of part of the funny thing with with that with Harper but to be vulnerable be like look I get it I got you like I'm not you don't have to do this I'll do it for you I'll do this with you or If you want to do like if you need to go into the store, here's my credit card blah blah blah My son who I think you saw on Facebook I mean I was so proud of him and he cleaned up so well for prom and was so handsome and and There's times where he I don't want to overshare. So I don't know if you need to edit this but where he feels invisible and it's like you're a hundred percent not invisible but you have to believe it you have to you have to buy into it and you know maybe not take huge bites or huge steps like you think should be happening but take nibbles and and start to work towards something with like the baby steps so ⁓ yeah but Rosanne Callens: Baby steps are powerful. Baby steps. Jess Humphreys: Yeah, and being, one of the things I don't want to happen, and so this will be for divorced mom and dads, if it's not a healthy relationship afterwards, you don't want your kids to lose their whole life that happened prior to the divorce. And so to watch the kids glow, like you see them just like their posture changes and they brighten up so much. When you talk about things that they may have forgotten about, things that happen when, air quotes, when they say everything was perfect, that's still 100 % their life, part of their formative years and everything. so... Rosanne Callens: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Humphreys: to let them know that that still happened, it was still 100 % meaningful, ⁓ and to let them know that it's okay to talk about those things. It doesn't mean that you wish it was this or you wish it was that. That happened, that was life. Let's relive those moments. I don't wanna get all old-fogy, but this digital age with our phones and everything. Rosanne Callens: Yeah. Jess Humphreys: Rosanne, when I was little, my parents would go to Kmart, print pictures out every once in a while, and those albums were a treasure trove of memories and just looking through them and, remember this, remember that. Unless you're a super awesome parent that has the Shutterfly or whatever the current method is, because I'm dating myself again because I'm a dinosaur, ⁓ but to give those kids back their childhood and them live that and see that and see, like, I had Rosanne Callens: You're dating? We're doing it, Jess! Jess Humphreys: We had dinner with a Sunday night. ⁓ And we'd gone up to Atlanta to see her son play basketball. So I found those pictures on my phone and I was like, ⁓ my gosh, Harper, look at, know, like, look how much you've grown since then. And she's like, that's me. Look at my eyebrows, you know, and everything. But it is. And she studied that picture on my phone for a hot minute because it's they're not used to seeing themselves. It's all everything is so here and now and immediate. And it's. It's just wild to see how different their life is. And you know, you are an amazing mentor and friend and so forth, but you've also helped me, and you instruct your people about this too. Your lens is your lens, but that's not the only lens. And so that's helped me understand that how I see things, and this is going back to the big emotions and new parents. their childhood, their school is not like I can't measure it against what mine was. But even though that's my paradigm, that's my lens. And they'll be like, dad, things are different now. And I'll be like, and that's where I give the power back to them. Get on their level like Rosanne, you're 100 % right. I hear you and that does suck. And yes, it is different than, know, like, so sometimes my cures or my fixes won't work because they're, you know, they're antiquated now. So thank you for bringing me back into the reality that this is, you know, your story and your experience and that... the golden, like again, so super lucky. Probably one of the luckiest people you know and so blessed that I had the childhood I did to have like literally like the after school special perspective on things and like I took the bus to school and the school lunch was good and that's what I ate on. We had recess and like I got to play kickball. Yeah. For real. Rosanne Callens: You had the best of it. You had the best of the nostalgia, I would say. Well, I want to bring up pictures again. I think this will be a nice little, a nice little moment for a lot of people is that I think, you know, people struggle with what to get teenagers and high schoolers and I'll just, you know, go, I'll just bring up the holidays or the birthday or whatever. And I just want to say this, that I, I struggle with it as well because I love to really think about a person and you know, gifts from the heart. If you read the five love languages, I love thinking about gifts for people. anyway, one thing that I found very interesting, I've got three nephews and I've got my kids and I know a lot of, I have a lot of teenagers around, know, the ages of sixth grade and up, right? And something I've done every year that I get the best feedback from is I have them text me their favorite Memories of the year their favorite photos and then what I do everyone so you could do this on Walgreens There's always a coupon code. I'm not a marketer for Walgreens. But anyway, ⁓ Is that I will print out their photos and I'll put them in frames I'll do like a collage frame and even my nephew who's in college right now just sent me a message today because oddly enough He just got his Christmas present. It's a long story. We forgive ourselves for not being on and everyone. Okay, I know it's April Let's move on from that Jess Humphreys: Unless Walgreens is listening. you Rosanne Callens: But anyway, he was like, Aunt Rosie, I love, and he literally in this voice message talked about every single picture that was in the collage. Because kids, you're right, all of their photos and memories and everything are living in this digital world. And to put something in print again for them, for them to see, and that's why I let them choose the memory too, because just like Jess said, sometimes I'm like, ⁓ my God. This is my favorite. And the girls are like, mom, this is the worst picture ever, right? And so I let them choose what the memory means to them. But I have found great, great luck in that. And I love seeing their excitement of seeing that. Cause like Jess said, we don't do the scrapbooks and stuff as much anymore. And I know, I know we're way off time. I knew this was going to happen cause Jess and I love to talk, but I do want to, I go ahead, Jess, go ahead. What were you going to, what did you want to say? Jess Humphreys: No, it's the gift. Well, no, was just gonna, because I kind of know what your closing question was, so was just gonna segue into that ⁓ of just, you know, just know who you are. Because everything that's going on, if you're having a bad day, if you're having a bad moment, or if you're a major, like if it's the loss of a loved one, or if it's the end of a relationship, or some difficult time, it's, is so much bigger than we are. and it'll all work out. And I say that with appreciation for people, like, well, that's easy for you to say, you've known Rosanne for, what, eight, 12, 13 years now. You still are friends with people from high school or your parents are still alive, which I'm totally thankful for. But even without that, maybe it's just you find something like a photo album or pictures just... Take a moment, breathe. And there's a thing where people are they're sassing each other where they say, touch grass, but do it. Go outside, walk in the grass barefoot. like remember how huge this place is and that we aren't alone. Like ⁓ you can see. Rosanne Callens: you Jess Humphreys: just the energy sitting in the parking lot of the grocery store before you go in or before you leave, just sit there for a minute and watch people. And you can see the people that are suffering alongside you quietly, personally, but you can see that they're not happy. And then you see other people that are, you know, footloose and fancy free and everybody's just at a different point, but it's so much. It's just a big, a big beautiful world and we're all literally, mean, we're all in it together. So just breathe and it gets better. Rosanne Callens: breathing is underrated, right? We just need to breathe. And sometimes we need to laugh so hard that we can barely breathe. And I want to close on this now. Jess and I have a ton of funny memories. Like he's talking about, I used to get everyone so excited for Taco Tuesday and spaghetti. we've got memories galore of the people that said they were on the trip and then they left us. We have all sorts of stories, right? Jess Humphreys: Right. you Rosanne Callens: But one thing I've told you, I've said to my listeners and just on social media clips is that when I get overwhelmed and stressed, I lose one of my highest values, which is clear communication. I love communicating. And so one of the stories that I like to share that has just seared into my heart with Jess and Missy Schmidt, if she's listening, is that I was so stressed. We had a lot of distinguished visitors happening. We had so much going on at work. And I wasn't able to articulate to one of our newer people on board how to make the coffee. And the coffee, everyone was the big thing. Like they were like, you gotta have coffee for the visitors. You gotta have coffee. And so I just let that train ride. I was like, okay, make the coffee, blah, blah, blah, blah. Next thing I know, Jess, you wanna tell the part of the story? Jess Humphreys: Well, I just, know that there were, believe there was no filter used. There were grounds and there was water. And so... Rosanne Callens: Everywhere, everywhere, there were grounds, like someone had put like 20, 20 scoops of coffee in the little Mr. Coffee coffee maker and that, just everyone, just so you know, that would have really rocked my world. Cause you know, I was like dressed up, I was giving these ⁓ briefings is what they call it in the military world. But anyway, and instead, instead of me completely being upset with myself for not communicating right, not showing someone how to make the coffee and all the things that I normally pride myself on, Jess just made it into the funniest thing. I mean, he was like literally a standup comedian in the kitchen and I was laughing so hard. I even had abs everyone, like I don't even have abs and my stomach hurt the next day. And still to this day, we, Dustin, Missy and I will send each other a funny meme about coffee. Jess Humphreys: ⁓ Yeah, no, it's, it's, and it's that, it's not taboo because it was at the height, like you're right. It was a very intense, intense moment and it was something that... We all learned like what you take for granted and that you thought everybody knew this, you know steps one through four to make coffee and so just to but then but then you were you were gracious enough or smart enough to let go of it and you know to let me to to give it away and be like don't worry about it rosanne because you're You know what you needed to do and what only you can do the way you do it was in that conference room up by the whiteboard and your little dancing moves and the way you include everybody. We'll get the coffee. It'll be a little bit late, but it'll be there. We've got paper towels. Don't worry about it. Like, yeah. Rosanne Callens: paper towels. you guys, just, Jess, I just, I love you so much. I, what stands out to me always is just the way you move through life with humor and you have such a genuine love for life. Even, even when things were hard. And I know you give so much credit to your growing up years, but I'm going to give credit to you being an amazing ⁓ man here on this earth, an amazing father to start. back from where you started in this podcast about you being a father, and I think you are an amazing one. That's who you are. And you show up, you keep going, and you still find a way to laugh along the way. And I think that's just, once again, something people needed to hear today. So Jess, thank you for being here in this conversation, for letting me be a little bit late on our podcast and sharing it with all of us. Thank you, Jess. Jess Humphreys: Absolutely. Thank you, Rosanne. What a privilege. ⁓ I appreciate the opportunity just to take a couple of trips down memory lane and then just to share and mean, you're doing an amazing thing. And it's always beautiful to share these moments with you. Thanks for everything you do, Rosanne. Rosanne Callens: if something from this conversation stood out to you or you realized you need a little more laughter in your life, I don't want you to just pass it by. I just want you to take one small step, reach out to someone, reset where you need to be, reset where you need to be and just breathe and keep going. And maybe take a page from Jess and find a little humor in your every day, even when things feel heavy, because sometimes that's exactly what you need to move forward. And so reach out to someone in your life that makes you smile and laugh. And that's all we could ask of anyone, right, Jess? All right, everyone. Good medicine. Thank you so much. Bye, Jess. Jess Humphreys: That's right, it's there and it's good medicine, absolutely. Bye Rosanne. Rosanne Callens: Okay, I'm gonna press stop now. Jess Humphreys: Thank