Latest / When Killers Get Caught with Brittany Ransom / Nika Nikoubin's delusions were so severe she didn't even know she'd commited a crime

Transcript

Nika Nikoubin's delusions were so severe she didn't even know she'd commited a crime · When Killers Get Caught with Brittany Ransom

• 0:00
  The. Hey everybody in serial Killer
• 0:37
  country, My name is Brittany Ransom and this is When Killers
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  Get Caught, a podcast devote to deep dives into the killers we
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  love to learn about. But in season three we've been
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  talking one-on-one with people who are closely linked to
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  crimes, who have been affected by their connection to the
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  justice system. And for the first time, we're
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  going to speak with someone who committed a crime.
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  If you're here from TikTok, you probably heard my video that
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  said that our guest today attacked her date in the middle
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  of a pretty serious delusion. And got herself embroiled in
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  international politics, of all things.
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  Our guest today is Nika Nikuben and we're going to talk about
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  her life, what happened before the attack, the attack, and what
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  life has been like since. Thanks for coming on the podcast
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  today, Nika. Yeah, thank you so much,
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  Brittany, for having me on. I'm really excited to share my
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  story and exposing my true narrative as well as talking
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  more about how we can change the society to implement positive
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  change in the world. That was one of the first things
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  I was really excited to maybe be able to help you with.
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  Because when I was looking up articles about you, a lot of
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  them, some of them are very salacious.
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  Some of them are just downright offensive, right?
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  Yeah, there is like actually inaccuracy in certain media that
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  I've seen. I'm like, that's not true at
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  all. Or if it is true, it's like so
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  generalized and centralized that I'm just like, well, you know,
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  it's trueish, but you're making it super out of context and
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  generalized that it's no longer even accurate anymore.
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  Well, I mean that's the way things work in the US you know,
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  the whole if it bleeds, it leads thing.
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  So the best thing they could do was.
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  Let people know it was Vegas you met on Tinder and all sorts of
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  things of that nature. But before we get into what
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  actually happened, one of the things that I did want to talk,
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  I guess, about was kind of your background, because I feel like
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  none of the news articles really discussed who you are.
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  Yeah, for sure. Thank you so much again for
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  giving me this platform. So I'm a Persian, half Persian,
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  half Persian artist. I'd like to partake in different
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  activities. I like to paint, I sang and have
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  some music videos out there as well, and my culture is very
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  important to me. I was actually born and raised
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  in Iran and came to the US when I was 12.
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  So I think that played a major role in the way I was able to
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  like, go through school. And just my life experience is
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  definitely shaped by the fact that I wasn't like born here and
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  had to adjust not only to like a different language.
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  I barely spoke in English and I moved to the US So that was a
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  huge challenge for me. But not only that, it was hard,
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  right? Not only that, but culturally
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  it, it was completely different. You know, when we talk about
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  culture differences, like if you live in LA and you come to
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  Dallas, TX, you can see a culture shock.
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  Now imagine moving from a different country.
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  So it was just, you know? You're 23 right now, right?
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  Yeah, I'm 23. So we're talking 11 years ago, I
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  mean Iran, 11 years ago. I mean, it's a completely
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  different place. I remember being in I think
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  middle school and I'm a lot older than you.
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  So. And I remember there was a, a
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  girl we went to school with who was from Iran and she had all
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  these beautiful pictures of what her home looked like it and
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  where she came from and things of that nature.
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  And then, of course, a couple years later, the whole. 911
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  happens and then the well, we we don't have to talk about the
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  validity of the assault on the Middle East because it's not
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  that valid. But, you know, all these these
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  beautiful places were destroyed. I mean, did you witness any of
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  that when you were little? Yeah.
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  I mean, there is a lot of different factors that played in
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  that role. You know, I like to think of my
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  family as very, like modern understanding just because, you
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  know, amazing people. I love the people, Iran and
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  Persian people. I think they're one of the most
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  wonderful people, amazing culture, amazing food.
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  But I will say I'm not the biggest fan of the government
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  just because I do think that it just puts a lot of limitations
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  on its people. And you know, they're just
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  looking for different aspects of international politics that, you
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  know, I'm not an expert on, but I just think it doesn't.
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  It puts another burden on the Iranian people.
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  So having to go through that, I've actually seen the green
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  movement. I was in the street, I was a
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  teenager when people would hold up peace signs and having a
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  green flags in the green revolution.
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  So having to kind of experienced that and see that on a personal
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  level when I was a teenager, I think that really did kind of
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  shape the narrative and my understanding of like, wow, you
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  know, there's a lot of limitations that are put on the
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  people and I wish there was waiting for, waiting for us to
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  be able to implement that change.
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  So you come here, it's 2012, pretty much around that time
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  period. Yes, your your your peak is the
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  beginning of adolescence. I mean, you already said there
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  was a language barrier. You struggled with that.
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  And I work with little kids and it's really hard with like three
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  and four year olds who don't speak English.
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  So I can't imagine how much more difficult it would have been for
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  you to be in middle school. Yeah.
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  So it was definitely a challenging experience for sure.
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  I was literally carrying out in a dictionary with me everywhere
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  and like sometimes accidentally, I'm just so used to speaking in
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  Persian that I would actually start speaking Persian to my
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  teachers or my friends and I'm like, ohh sorry, like I'm just
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  used to speaking that language. So it was definitely challenge
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  on that part. The one thing that was
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  beneficial though is I don't know, I think the Iranian
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  education system was a little bit different.
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  So everything I was learning in right around 7th and 8th grade
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  was actually things that I've learned, already learned before.
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  I just had to relearn them in a different language.
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  So I I was fortunate enough to have that educational background
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  that kind of helped me, but it was still challenging in its own
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  ways for sure. What about friends and meeting,
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  you know, young people in the US?
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  Yeah, I mean, I still have some friends that I've actually met
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  in middle school, like one of my really good friends, Tori.
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  She was the one who actually give me a tour at the school
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  from middle school and I still talk to her.
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  So, yeah, so we, I do have some connections.
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  And there were some people that really did assist and were able
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  to be super friendly to me, even though I was not exactly the
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  best person to communicate with because I, you know, language
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  barrier. But I think especially going
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  into a Coed school because in Iran there's no such thing as a
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  Coed middle school. So yeah, So that was one of the
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  other things. I'm like, boys.
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  How do you even talk to them? What even is sex?
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  I had no idea. And like, you know, just going
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  through all kinds of emotions and like being like, wow, I just
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  saw my classmate get pregnant at 7th grade.
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  That was a huge shock to me. Oh wow, Yeah.
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  How did your parents kind of deal with those sort of things
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  happening at school? Yeah, that's why I was only
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  going to this specific middle school.
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  I was going to for a year and then they ended up transferring
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  me over to an all girls magnet high school slash middle school.
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  So yeah, so I ended up moving from that school.
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  But again, I think that one year experience definitely kind of
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  like was a huge culture shock for me.
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  Not only language, culture, boys.
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  Everything and in between. I mean even without the culture
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  shock, the the phrase how do I even talk to boys?
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  I think a lot of people can identify with at that age.
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  There's there's a lot of instability between I feel like
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  12 and 16 as who you are and right who you're supposed to be
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  or become. But you end up going to this all
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  girls school. Just one of the memories I
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  remember from going to that middle school is that I think
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  somebody asked me like have you had sex yet?
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  Or so many along those lines And I answered yes, my password says
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  female. That's like that was basically
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  my understanding of like, sex at that point.
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  So. Oh gosh, you know what's funny
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  at that? I think I was about 13 and
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  somebody asked my best friend, does she suck blank?
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  And I was so offended. That I don't think I talked to
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  that kid for like the next like 10 years.
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  I think I saw him recently when I went back to my like parents
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  home and I was just like, I just nodded.
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  But I was offended that he would even ask in the 1st place.
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  So I think that's something that nobody should be asking a 13
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  year old about, right? But you graduate from.
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  Did you graduate from the girls school?
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  Yeah, that's where I went to for my 8th grade slash choice in my
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  high school. It was a it's in magnets middle
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  school slash high school like college preparatory school was a
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  really good school. I had a great experience there.
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  I would say you know I had good grades graduated on top of my
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  class, was class president, was involved in cheerleading all the
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  clubs you can name it. I've been on their big club and
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  everything. So I was super involved and I
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  like to think I had a very outgoing personality.
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  I. Would definitely say you do.
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  Yeah, for sure. Thank you.
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  Now one of the things that you told me was that your mental
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  issues started shortly after that, right?
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  So I like to think like, you know, it was kind of challenging
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  to acclimate to language and culture and stuff like that.
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  But I think I was given good opportunities and had good
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  friends that helped me get acclimated.
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  And you know, the start of it was really just summer before
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  freshman year of college where I fortunately had a traumatic
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  experience. And, you know, it's hard for me
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  to kind of talk about it. And I'm sure there's many
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  different women that would feel the way I felt during that time.
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  But also coming from Persian culture, I like to say it's a
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  little bit different just because I do think that, you
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  know, in Western culture or United States, we're more
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  accepting and we're learning more and more what it's like to
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  be a victim of sexual assault. But especially coming from
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  Persian culture where you're like it's very strict and rigid
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  and like you should. Marriage is like seen as a very
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  big thing reputation and a lot of people like will straight up
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  not even consider you marriage material if you're not a virgin.
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  And going through that kind of like cultural mindset.
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  Plus, having this traumatic experience, it was super, super
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  hard for me to deal with to the point that I I honestly didn't
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  even tell my parents until a year after it happened where I
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  was so struggling so much with mental health that I was self
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  medicating and I was like, you know what, I I actually need
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  some help and this is kind of like causing me trouble.
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  Right. Because I mean, you, you're
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  trying to start school. I mean, this should be a really
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  exciting, wonderful moment in your life.
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  And instead, well, I guess how was that first year of school
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  for you then? It was very tough.
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  I will say that because, you know, I came from a background
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  where I had all A's and graduated top of my class and
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  gave the commencement speech at the graduation.
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  So I had like B's and C's in my classes, didn't really pay
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  attention because it was just super hard for me to focus.
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  Not only that, but also I was part of the debate team at the
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  college I was attending, which I had previous experience from
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  high school debating. So and the person who I had this
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  traumatic experience was I had to see him almost every day
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  because we were on the same team.
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  So yeah, just and he had a very good reputation and you know,
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  doing really well on the team. So there was a lot of like
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  politics slash power play, Like should I speak out?
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  Like how do I deal with this? I'm having flashbacks.
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  I'm going to the bathroom in middle practice crying like it
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  was just a lot of different moments that I'm like, you know,
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  I should have probably said something sooner and I'm voicing
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  my story just because I'm sure there's somebody else who's
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  might be in similar shoes than me.
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  And I would really hate for them to, like, go along this long
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  without seeking treatment and starting the healing process.
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  I mean, even if you don't have any underlying mental health
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  issues, just the trauma. Alone would be enough that you
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  would need to reach out for somebody or some someone to talk
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  to, right? And then to add on that this guy
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  is popular and you have to see him almost every day.
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  That's terrible. Yeah.
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  And it got really bad, to the point that I was, like,
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  hallucinating, Hallucinating. This is where I initially
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  started, hallucinating his face, like every, every, almost every
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  guy on campus I would see. I would think it's him.
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  And when I say like I think it was, it wasn't like he looks
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  kind of like a no. It was like literally I was like
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  hallucinating 100% his face on other people.
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  So it was very kind of hard for me to like comprehend because in
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  my eyes it looked like 5 people with the same face.
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  But I was like, there's no way that that's that's the same
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  person, but also like, how do I fix the situation, you know?
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  No, I don't have any personal experience with.
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  This side of mental illness, like the things that I I deal
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  with are a little more of the, like silent ones.
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  You know, people kind of suffer in silence, but how are you
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  making it through like your classes and stuff Then at this
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  point, Amanda, you said you were still getting B's and Z's, but I
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  think that's commendable for what you're going through.
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  Yeah, honestly, it was just, I was doing the absolute bare
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  minimum. And, you know, because I had
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  such a great educational background coming in, I'm
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  honestly kind of surprised that I even, like, was able to get
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  like passing grades at that point.
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  Because, you know, I loved studying.
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  Like school is something I enjoyed.
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  I'm a nerd, like, you know, So it was just kind of like hard
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  because one of my passions was school and it was just so hard
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  for me to focus and like actually pay attention in class
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  that it definitely did impact like my grades and the way I was
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  performing in classes. So what?
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  I mean, what happens next in terms of this?
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  Did you stay in the debate club? Yeah, so in debate.
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  We traveled nationally a lot for competitions and I ended up
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  getting becoming very good friends with the UC Berkeley
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  debate team. And you know, I didn't disclose
• 16:00
  a lot of my situation, but I was just like, hey, like I would
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  love to like come debate for Y'all's team and I'm a really
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  hard worker and even as a freshman I was making really
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  good arguments and was able to place in competitions and stuff.
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  So after speaking to the Berkeley team, I was able to
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  transfer over and moved to Berkeley, CA and was able to
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  debate on their team and I gladly left the college I was
• 16:31
  attending for my freshman year. So it kind of gave me an escape
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  in a way. But also reminder, I just still
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  hasn't haven't had any treatment or professional help for healing
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  at that point. So you know, I was still kind of
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  going through all of that even though like I moved to a new
• 16:51
  school and a new state. So it was kind of better and
• 16:54
  like I had like great support system.
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  The Berkeley team was absolutely amazing and very friendly and
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  everything. But I was still kind of like
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  struggling mentally and not healing the the hallucinations
• 17:07
  and the delusions that I had at that point.
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  Plus like severe depression that was kind of very are.
• 17:14
  You still wearing me down? Are you still seeing the face of
• 17:17
  your attacker at Berkeley? I was not.
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  And, you know, I think it was just my mind was just a sodium
• 17:23
  associating that specific campus with that person.
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  Because I was like, there's no way, like, I don't know how.
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  I'm not a psychologist, but thankfully in Berkeley I did
• 17:33
  not. I I still had some delusions and
• 17:35
  hallucinations, but it wasn't to the level of like seeing his
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  face everywhere or being in the troubled state of mind that I
• 17:42
  wouldn't be able to, you know, work and go to school.
• 17:46
  Now you said that you were self medicating when you were at your
• 17:51
  first university. Did that continue at Berkeley?
• 17:54
  Cuz that's a lot of pressure. You get to college, you got this
• 17:57
  debate team, you're placing in competitions and you said you're
• 18:00
  working. So I mean, yeah, so I just kind
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  of like relied on different forms of self medication to just
• 18:09
  being able to survive. I want to recommend that.
• 18:12
  It was like a temporary fix. It was basically just putting a
• 18:15
  Band-Aid on a broken bone, if I'm being quite honest, yeah.
• 18:19
  So we go through sophomore June year, senior year.
• 18:22
  You graduate? Yeah.
• 18:24
  So I graduated from Berkeley and then I actually wanted to
• 18:29
  transfer over for UCLA for my second degree.
• 18:33
  Mmhmm. But um, COVID head and.
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  Right. And then I'm like, ohh, no.
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  Like what do I do? I mean, we didn't.
• 18:40
  Help any of our mental health issues, right.
• 18:43
  Yeah. So I think COVID was kind of
• 18:46
  like the big hallmarks of me going into very, very troubled
• 18:52
  state of mind because I had all this unhealed trauma that I was
• 18:56
  able to do semi. OK, yeah, shwid with like self
• 18:59
  medication and like having friends and support system.
• 19:02
  But when COVID had I I was a I was like moving back to Dallas,
• 19:08
  which is where my parents decided to move.
• 19:11
  While I was in California. I was no longer able to continue
• 19:15
  within my process. I lost my job and my friends, my
• 19:19
  support system. So it's basically taking away
• 19:23
  all the little things that were able to at least help me survive
• 19:27
  and at least be able to continue on.
• 19:31
  And it just I'm, I just broke down.
• 19:34
  Honestly, there was nights where I would just cry uncontrollably
• 19:38
  and my parents would be so concerned or like what happened?
• 19:41
  Like, are you OK? Like they were super concerned
• 19:44
  about me and I would sometimes even fight them because I didn't
• 19:48
  want to tell them what happened and I was just trying to put the
• 19:51
  blame on them. So they were just like confused
• 19:53
  and they're like we don't know what it is, the situation.
• 19:55
  And then that's when I disclosed to them of what has happened and
• 20:02
  when I actually started to seek mental health treatment for my
• 20:06
  condition. Yeah.
• 20:09
  And that helped for a little bit, I would say definitely was
• 20:14
  useful. But again, it was online.
• 20:16
  And you know, I think mental health is good to like be
• 20:20
  online, but for my situation specifically, I think.
• 20:24
  More comprehensive care would have been needed or like in
• 20:27
  person kind of thing would have been better situated for that
• 20:32
  type of no no, sorry for sure. I'm just sitting here and I'm.
• 20:38
  I'm listening to what you're saying and like so much of it
• 20:41
  feels familiar to me, but in a different way.
• 20:45
  I experienced that moment in my life too, where you're like,
• 20:47
  I've got, I'm doing it. I am handling things.
• 20:52
  And then one little thing happens and then you just drop
• 20:55
  everything. You're like, I'm handling
• 20:56
  nothing. I can't do anything.
• 20:58
  I don't know what to do anymore. I guess at my like low point, I
• 21:02
  think I was seeing a therapist like 3 * a week.
• 21:05
  How? I mean, you said it was online,
• 21:07
  so I don't think. I don't know if that would have
• 21:09
  been no, I don't think that would have helped me either.
• 21:12
  I don't think that really helped many people, being able to only
• 21:15
  see people online. I know for some people they
• 21:17
  really like it. Yeah, I mean, if it works for
• 21:20
  your situation and if you're able to get the treatment that
• 21:22
  you need, everybody situation is different.
• 21:24
  So I'm not saying online threat therapy doesn't work, but in my
• 21:28
  opinion, in my personal situation it was not very
• 21:32
  helpful. Right.
• 21:33
  But you do tell your parents what happened to you and how are
• 21:38
  they about it? Because I know you said among,
• 21:40
  you know, traditional Persian people, they're really intense
• 21:44
  about virginity and things like that.
• 21:46
  But your parents super supportive.
• 21:49
  Yeah. So I do have, I'm very fortunate
• 21:52
  to have loving and supporting parents.
• 21:54
  Honestly, looking back, even with the biggest situation, I'm
• 21:58
  like not many parents would do the things my parents did.
• 22:02
  And they were shocked obviously, and they were understanding to a
• 22:08
  level. But they also was, they were
• 22:11
  like, very aware of how this situation looks within the
• 22:15
  Persian community and with its contacts.
• 22:17
  So, you know, they were like, OK, well, we're gonna get you
• 22:20
  treatment, but we're gonna kind of stay hush, hush on the
• 22:23
  situation and try to not make it a big thing, OK?
• 22:27
  Because there were like if any of the other family members went
• 22:30
  out or any like friends or other people, it might cause some like
• 22:35
  reputation damage to our family. But given that, you know, my
• 22:40
  story kind of went global with Vegas and my mental health
• 22:45
  struggle kind of really worse, right?
• 22:47
  I can't really hide it. Plus, like I looking back, if I
• 22:51
  were to get, if I were to, had proper treatment on time even
• 22:56
  like after Berkeley or before Berkeley, I don't even think the
• 23:00
  situation in Vegas would have happened in the 1st place, no.
• 23:04
  Absolutely. I mean that's one of the big
• 23:06
  things about this. I know that, you know, some of
• 23:09
  the articles I looked at were like, oh, she got away with
• 23:12
  this, this horrible crime. And I'm like, I I think this is
• 23:16
  one of the few cases in the world where a judge actually
• 23:20
  stopped and looked at everything and went hold up Before we row
• 23:25
  this girl to the wolves, can we take into account her life is
• 23:30
  which we should do in every case like this?
• 23:34
  Yeah, that. Fortunately, they don't always.
• 23:36
  But you know, but we we we're jumping ahead.
• 23:38
  Because we're not. I guess we're almost near Vegas.
• 23:41
  But so you get the initial amount of mental health care,
• 23:46
  right? Just wanna it wasn't.
• 23:48
  Good for you. Yeah, because it was like I
• 23:52
  said, it wasn't really in person.
• 23:55
  And one thing I do regret is I was kind of resistant to, like,
• 24:00
  psychiatric care because from my perspective, I thought it just
• 24:06
  limited my creativity. And I had a delusion that, like,
• 24:10
  psychiatric pills are actually poison.
• 24:12
  And when I've talked about this delusion that I've had with
• 24:16
  other people that have similar conditions to me and they're
• 24:20
  like, I literally had the same delusion as you like.
• 24:23
  So it's not very uncommon for people who have certain mental
• 24:27
  health conditions to have falsified beliefs about what
• 24:31
  those psychiatric treatment and what those pills do to your
• 24:35
  body. Because, you know, just like the
• 24:38
  same way you would take antibiotics to for an infection,
• 24:42
  you sometimes need certain medications for your mental
• 24:45
  health treatment. But in my in my thought process
• 24:49
  of that time, I thought the pills were gonna do more damage
• 24:53
  than good and that they were gonna some like somehow harm me
• 24:57
  or limit my creativity, which is super untrue and just my
• 25:03
  personal bias at that time. So I mean that's 2020, we're
• 25:08
  still two years before Vegas, right?
• 25:12
  Or is it yes or one year? Yeah, one year before the attack
• 25:17
  in Vegas happens. What does life look like for you
• 25:21
  now? You know, we're kind of sort of
• 25:23
  opening up a little bit. Yes, definitely.
• 25:27
  Do you go right back into school or so I continued my school and
• 25:36
  UCLA, but it was all online and I just couldn't focus when it
• 25:41
  came to online school. And I know many other students,
• 25:44
  although still felt the same way.
• 25:47
  Unless it's not just online. You're isolated from everybody
• 25:50
  and like every You can't even go to the grocery store more than
• 25:53
  like you were needed. And you're getting stressed out
• 25:58
  about washing your hands too many times and it was just very
• 26:03
  kind of like a hectic situation to deal with overall.
• 26:05
  So I think all of us have experienced some kind of mental
• 26:10
  health struggle relating to COVID.
• 26:12
  So combining that with my previous experiences, it was
• 26:15
  kind of like hard to deal with. But I'm glad that the, that I
• 26:21
  was able to start working. And you know, this is when, like
• 26:27
  COVID was less of a concern, I would say.
• 26:31
  And yeah, and I was just wanting to continue with my life,
• 26:36
  honestly. But my mental health got so bad
• 26:40
  at some point that I was fired from my job because I was like
• 26:44
  literally hallucinating during my job and like couldn't like do
• 26:48
  the performance as that I was doing in the past and ended up
• 26:52
  dropping out of school because I failed all my classes and went
• 26:57
  to a mental health facility for 10 days.
• 27:00
  And this is all like a month prior to me going to Vegas.
• 27:06
  OK, so you leave the facility. What makes you go to Vegas?
• 27:12
  Yeah. So during that time I thought
• 27:17
  the hallucinations and the delusions were rooted around
• 27:19
  Dallas because whenever I moved from from Lubbock to California
• 27:27
  it kind of semi fixed it or like I I just thought it was a
• 27:31
  problem with the state I was living in and I was resistant to
• 27:34
  treatment. Even though I took my
• 27:36
  medications for the time that I was in the hospital after I was
• 27:41
  released, I was still not wanting to stay in my
• 27:44
  medication. And we had like this huge fight
• 27:47
  with my parents and I just wasn't in a good state of mind.
• 27:52
  And I was just like, you know what?
• 27:55
  What is my optimal goal in life? And I really want to become a
• 27:58
  singer. So.
• 28:00
  And I had one of my friends who I met through college who lived
• 28:04
  in Vegas and she was like, hey, girl, like, come to my
• 28:07
  apartment, I'll let you stay here.
• 28:10
  Um, like until you find a job so you can like, you know, explore
• 28:14
  options of like, pursuing the music career and then ended up
• 28:18
  connecting to DJs and this different voice teachers who
• 28:21
  were like, yeah, you should definitely come move here.
• 28:23
  So, um, I did your friend know about my mental health?
• 28:28
  Mmhmm. She knew.
• 28:30
  And I don't think I told her about the severity of it because
• 28:35
  she knew about the whole, like traumatic experience and all the
• 28:39
  I was in. But in her, I think in her
• 28:42
  understanding, I wasn't as severe as it would cause harm to
• 28:46
  myself and others. Yeah.
• 28:49
  So I think that was definitely concerning for sure.
• 28:55
  But yeah, so given that my intent was just to get a job for
• 29:00
  super and music, that was the reason why I moved to Vegas in
• 29:04
  the 1st place. And I'm probably going to regret
• 29:07
  this rest of my life. But it did unfortunately lead to
• 29:12
  an unfortunate circumstance where somebody did get harmed
• 29:17
  and you know, there is no way I can return back.
• 29:21
  I don't have a time machine, but I can accept responsibility and
• 29:25
  I can maybe speak about my situation, so hopefully others
• 29:29
  would relate to it and it wouldn't happen in a different
• 29:34
  circumstance. Or if you're struggling with
• 29:37
  mental health, definitely seek treatment.
• 29:39
  And don't think your pills are poisoned because you know, in
• 29:44
  the long run they do provide like the adequate care for
• 29:47
  certain conditions. Well, it's.
• 29:49
  It's so tough because you probably needed more than 10
• 29:53
  days, but I don't know if this is your case, but in a lot of
• 29:58
  the situations that I've covered in some of my other cases where
• 30:02
  people. It'll ultimately kill someone.
• 30:05
  They get kicked out or like the insurance company goes, all
• 30:09
  right, that's enough. We're not going to pay for
• 30:11
  anything more. And the person could have used
• 30:14
  more, you know, comprehensive healthcare for much longer.
• 30:18
  I don't know if that's. Your situation, But I know that
• 30:20
  that's a lot for a lot of people in the US Not everybody has
• 30:23
  great health insurance even like the free healthcare doesn't
• 30:27
  fully cover everything. Not those kind of stays.
• 30:30
  They're super expensive. And I know you told me that you
• 30:33
  threw away all your medication the day you got to Vegas because
• 30:36
  you thought they were poison. So, right, yeah, I think there's
• 30:41
  a lot of different things that need to be changed.
• 30:44
  Fortunately, I was not in the circumstance that you were
• 30:48
  describing, although I totally resonate with that.
• 30:51
  And I think there needs to be more Affordable Care, especially
• 30:54
  when it comes to creating more safety in society and providing
• 30:59
  treatment to people like me who might need it, you know?
• 31:04
  And you're so You were so young too.
• 31:06
  Right. And not only that, I do think
• 31:10
  that there needs to be even like better after care.
• 31:13
  So if you're released from the hospital, there should be some
• 31:17
  kind of program like, hey, are you still on your medication?
• 31:20
  Like just, I don't know, I'm not a policymaker.
• 31:23
  But no, no. Also kind of like with.
• 31:26
  A a like you have a sponsor, You have a person who calls you.
• 31:29
  Hey, are you alright? What?
• 31:31
  Because you're supposed to call that person if you have, you
• 31:34
  know, thoughts about drinking. Again, I'm like maybe there
• 31:38
  could be somebody who you could call if you're you're having
• 31:41
  super depressive thoughts or you know, something along those
• 31:44
  lines, you could talk to someone, but you're kind of all
• 31:47
  on your own, right? And I know there are like
• 31:49
  resources out there and there's hotlines that you can call and
• 31:52
  stuff, but they're not like as resourceful as I would say to
• 31:56
  like physical health. Like if you go and have a
• 31:59
  surgery, your doctor's going to make an appointment for you to
• 32:02
  come to end. But I've never seen that happen
• 32:06
  for like mental health. So I think just the same way we
• 32:09
  would treat physical illnesses and physical wellbeing, we
• 32:12
  should be able to treat mental as well.
• 32:15
  No? I agree with.
• 32:16
  You 100% And so this takes us now it's March 2022, right?
• 32:24
  You decide to go on a. Dating app and talk to somebody.
• 32:27
  Yeah. And at that point, I was just
• 32:29
  like so depressed and lonely and I was just honest, trying to
• 32:34
  just connect with somebody. And I have like, friends that I
• 32:37
  would talk to, but I just found it super difficult to relate on
• 32:41
  a romantic level. And on that specific night, I
• 32:45
  honestly just gave up and was like, you know what?
• 32:48
  If these guys don't find conversations interesting or
• 32:53
  they don't wanna, like, connect with me on a cognitive level,
• 32:56
  I'm just gonna like have fun and see where that goes from there,
• 33:00
  which is a very bad mindset. I will say that.
• 33:03
  But you know, just providing context of like, definitely not.
• 33:08
  Great, right. But yeah, so that was like, I
• 33:12
  didn't have any, like it was like bad intentions.
• 33:16
  Like, ohh, I'm gonna go into stating out and cause harm.
• 33:19
  No, it was just honestly, I was just lonely and was trying to
• 33:21
  just go on a date and you know from some of the.
• 33:26
  Articles that I read, they said that you were already fully in a
• 33:31
  delusion before you're well, I guess.
• 33:35
  I don't like call. I guess it's the victim in this
• 33:37
  situation. Daniel Trevino, before he even
• 33:41
  arrived, you said that you looked in a mirror and you
• 33:46
  thought you were in a movie, right.
• 33:48
  So even like the first week that I was in Vegas, I was working at
• 33:53
  Hooters as a Waitres. And you know, like in Vegas
• 33:58
  especially, you see the TV screens, the slot machines, like
• 34:01
  looking at them like it literally, yeah, the lights were
• 34:05
  like absolutely driving me like crazy because it was just all
• 34:10
  the playing in my mind. No, I never.
• 34:12
  Thought about that before? Wow.
• 34:15
  So in your head, like some of those lights, like the, the and
• 34:18
  the sounds of the slot machines, are they paparazzi?
• 34:23
  In a way, that's kind of like what it was feeling like to me,
• 34:26
  especially like whenever we were checking into the hotel.
• 34:30
  I really thought, this is a movie.
• 34:32
  Like, I was in a delusional state of mind.
• 34:34
  I was imagining, like, there was a camera behind me recording
• 34:37
  everything. And like, I'm an actress in this
• 34:40
  movie that I'm playing. And and what you were referring
• 34:43
  to is whenever Daniel went downstairs to grab some chaser
• 34:48
  with her alcohol and, you know, I looked in the mirror and I'm
• 34:52
  like, this is like I was starting, like to hallucinate
• 34:56
  like I'm playing a role in a scene from the movie The also
• 35:00
  done. And I'm still my Hayek.
• 35:02
  I was imagining a snake around my shoulders.
• 35:06
  And when I'm saying it right now, it sounds a little crazy.
• 35:09
  And you're like, there's no way there could just be a snake on
• 35:12
  your shoulder. But you know, when you're in
• 35:14
  that state of mind, it absolutely is 100% real to that
• 35:19
  person. And it was 100% real to me.
• 35:21
  If someone were to walk in, if my mom were to walk in at that
• 35:24
  moment or like there's not a snake in your shoulders, I'd be
• 35:26
  like, no, there's no way. Like you're lying.
• 35:28
  I wouldn't believe them. You know, and.
• 35:32
  So you said one of the things you told me in our Pre interview
• 35:36
  is that you were definitely still using multiple substances,
• 35:40
  drinking a lot during right pre. The attack in the hotel room.
• 35:47
  So you're having delusions. You're not.
• 35:50
  Even if you were not having delusions, you're not sober,
• 35:54
  right? And then?
• 35:56
  As the two of you start to hook up, you stabbed him.
• 36:01
  Do you remember that at all? I do have like a brief, like
• 36:06
  anemia from the whole experience.
• 36:09
  Even whenever I was in custody, I wasn't fully comprehending
• 36:13
  like what actually happened. I actually had to hear from my
• 36:15
  own attorneys that XYZ happened. So wow.
• 36:19
  And you know, being the medications I was on, it's not
• 36:22
  like you just take it one day and you're like, OK, well,
• 36:25
  Delusion's gone. He was gone.
• 36:27
  And some of the withdrawals are right for sure.
• 36:31
  So like withdrawals from the like alcohol and drugs plus like
• 36:38
  going cold Turkey on my medication and then going back
• 36:41
  on my medication and the medications take at least three
• 36:43
  weeks for it to like be falling in your system and it works.
• 36:46
  So it did take me a little bit for me to like fully comprehend.
• 36:51
  That's why I went through like a competency hearing and reporting
• 36:56
  where like I was diagnosed with schizophrenia from the doctors
• 37:00
  of the custody at that point. So, you know it is kind of hard
• 37:07
  for me to remember but also being told by my attorneys
• 37:11
  reading the news articles, which I don't think they're all
• 37:14
  accurate, but you know, just like trying to see and
• 37:16
  comprehend what I actually said, you know one of the things that.
• 37:20
  The. Really.
• 37:23
  Which I thought was in poor taste, was them posting the
• 37:27
  picture of you, like wrapped up in a hotel sheet?
• 37:32
  In the hallway of the hotel and I'm just like, do we need to see
• 37:37
  that, right? Yeah, I yeah, I was not like in
• 37:43
  a good state of mind, but also I thought it was kind of like
• 37:47
  troublesome to kind of post that kind of video online.
• 37:50
  I understand it's public record and everything, but I don't
• 37:54
  know. I thought it wasn't necessary.
• 37:58
  Let's put the the pretty girl who did something bad half naked
• 38:02
  on our new site, right? And the other thing is there was
• 38:06
  zero female officers during the entire integration integration
• 38:10
  as well. So I was interviewed by three
• 38:14
  police officers as well as Homeland Security that came
• 38:18
  afterwards, and there was no female still undressed while
• 38:22
  they're. Talking to you, the police
• 38:24
  officers, I was covered in a bed sheet and I was writing nothing
• 38:29
  but a bad book and I did ask them multiple times, can I
• 38:33
  remove this? It's making me a little
• 38:35
  uncomfortable and they straight up said no, so are you kidding?
• 38:41
  Yeah, Wow. See now?
• 38:43
  That is not something that was mentioned in any of the articles
• 38:46
  that I read about you. And that's wild, see.
• 38:51
  Yeah, you. Yes, you.
• 38:52
  You did the bad thing at the time, and they had no idea why
• 38:54
  you did the bad thing. But I mean, we have all these
• 38:57
  conversations over and over again in this country about
• 39:00
  treating people in custody with respect and dignity, and they
• 39:06
  definitely did not do that for you, right?
• 39:10
  And like, whenever Homeland Security, you're right.
• 39:12
  For my second interview, I was just given like just a large
• 39:18
  tshirt and that's it. So what?
• 39:21
  OK. So I'm sure no one really
• 39:23
  understands why Homeland Security just brought into right
• 39:27
  so. Do you want to explain that to
• 39:30
  the listeners how that happened? Yeah.
• 39:34
  So when the police were interrogating me at the initial
• 39:39
  interview, I they asked me why I did it and I said for revenge
• 39:45
  and I named a guy that is military leader from Iran.
• 39:52
  So which is known as a pretty, I would say negatively perceptive
• 40:00
  like person known as a, you know, I'm not going to say the
• 40:04
  word, but you can do your research I think.
• 40:07
  I think the quotes. That I saw said that you said it
• 40:10
  was because of spite and revenge, and then you said, I
• 40:13
  mean the US killed Soleimani. Lots of blood spilled.
• 40:17
  So I feel like it's fair that American blood be spilled.
• 40:20
  And at the time you said that you thought you were in the TV
• 40:24
  show Homeland, and so that they were just you.
• 40:28
  You were really going with the this is a TV show about
• 40:31
  terrorism and stuff like this, right?
• 40:34
  Like I. Thought I was some kind of
• 40:35
  secret agent and this is a role I'm playing and apparently they
• 40:38
  want me to still saying like my role and they don't want me to
• 40:42
  remove the butt plug even though it's left from the last scene.
• 40:45
  Like I was just trying to comprehend what was going on
• 40:48
  because it was just so unreal to me and.
• 40:51
  You know, to be clear, like I absolutely do not support what I
• 40:55
  said politically during that interrogation.
• 40:58
  And I love America. What?
• 41:00
  You said, right? Yeah.
• 41:02
  I was just in such a troubled state of mind.
• 41:05
  I've had doctors, psychologists, multiple people, not only from
• 41:10
  the ones that my attorney recommended, but from the state
• 41:14
  of Nevada as well that that had. The validations on me and they
• 41:18
  all concluded that I had absolutely no ties to a
• 41:21
  terroristic organization nor did I have the beliefs that I said
• 41:25
  during that, you know, interview and that I was basically just
• 41:31
  staying gibberish. And and within the delusion of
• 41:34
  me being carried from Homeland, which Carrie also has like
• 41:38
  bipolar disorders or I kind of like related to her in some
• 41:41
  ways. I think that kind of provides a
• 41:43
  better context of like why I said that.
• 41:47
  And you know, just to provide better explanation, I'm not
• 41:51
  justifying what I did or what I said at all.
• 41:54
  But hey, like, I'm just saying that's why I said what I said.
• 41:59
  So you got all these people interrogating you Now we have
• 42:02
  Homeland Security come in, they do an interrogation.
• 42:05
  I'm sure they're ripping through every item you own, every piece
• 42:09
  of Internet or, you know, your phone, your computer, everything
• 42:13
  they can to try and figure out, do you have any ties to
• 42:16
  terrorist organizations? Stuff like that.
• 42:18
  But you're in prison at this point when all this is going on
• 42:23
  and you're still not medicated, right?
• 42:26
  Yeah. So I had, I was in jail at that
• 42:29
  time and you know, they had everything I had.
• 42:31
  They had access to everything. And they Homeland Security also
• 42:35
  concluded I had no ties to terrorist organization.
• 42:38
  It was like an isolated incident.
• 42:41
  So I think it's important to point that out because I'm sure
• 42:44
  they do very good comprehensive analysis.
• 42:47
  They do pretty serious, you know, like checks.
• 42:49
  Right. You know, like I worked for the
• 42:51
  feds for about a year and a half and the amount that they look
• 42:55
  into your history is intense. So I I think they they went all
• 42:59
  in probably, right? Like if there.
• 43:02
  Was 1% of anything that would have tied me, they would have
• 43:06
  said so. They would have found it.
• 43:08
  I mean, you weren't exactly hiding anything about your life
• 43:10
  really at that point, right? So you said that they did a
• 43:16
  competency hearing. When was that I?
• 43:20
  Think that was a few weeks into me being in custody.
• 43:24
  And you know, at that point I was told by my attorney what
• 43:27
  happened. I had phone calls with my
• 43:28
  parents and was able to stand my medication on a routinely level
• 43:35
  and I was. You know, I realized what I did,
• 43:39
  and it was traumatic to me even, like, ever had countless nights
• 43:43
  in custody that I would cry uncontrollably because I
• 43:47
  regretted what I did. And I'm like, there's no way I
• 43:50
  did this. I was in denial.
• 43:51
  And I'm like, but everybody's saying you did it and I'm like,
• 43:55
  OK, well, you know, life just sometimes takes either roller
• 44:00
  coaster and sometimes an unfortunate circumstance happens
• 44:04
  and. What I can do from it is to
• 44:07
  realize what I did, stay on my medication and try to make a
• 44:10
  positive outcome from it. And I'm very fortunate and
• 44:14
  thankful that the judge was able to realize the full
• 44:18
  comprehensive analysis of my background, but also the
• 44:24
  doctor's reports to reports from Homeland Security and everything
• 44:28
  that I've done in the past year while I was on house arrest,
• 44:30
  which included working full time.
• 44:34
  Going to school, volunteering and just staying good on my
• 44:39
  treatment and really do making a change in my lifestyle.
• 44:43
  Well, one of the things that I thought was pretty poignant was
• 44:48
  that you said that it was about six weeks before you sort of
• 44:53
  came out of this fog. Right.
• 44:56
  Were you still detained at that point?
• 44:59
  Or I I know at some point they allowed you to go home to your
• 45:01
  parents. Yeah, 6.
• 45:03
  Weeks is whenever I was released from custody is OK.
• 45:07
  Whenever like they had the determination that I had enough
• 45:11
  incompetency to be able to you know realize what I did and
• 45:16
  understand the charges against me.
• 45:18
  OK, how? I mean I understand you're you
• 45:21
  said you you're crying a lot. You feel terrible before what
• 45:23
  you've done. You you head back home there
• 45:27
  while the case is pending and your lawyers doing his thing and
• 45:32
  or their thing and you know dealing with the state of
• 45:35
  Nevada. Did you just decide you were
• 45:38
  going to try and, like, be busy while the fate of your life kind
• 45:43
  of hung in the balance? I just thought like it would be
• 45:48
  good to just, you know, obviously seek treatment, but
• 45:52
  also I wanted to continue with my life and you know.
• 45:56
  I'm really glad we're doing this podcast because September was a
• 45:58
  suicide prevention month. And you know, even if you are in
• 46:01
  a super dark state of mind, it's always good to have a positive
• 46:06
  outlook. And like, you know, even if you
• 46:10
  are in a very dark place and you have an unfortunate circumstance
• 46:13
  and stressful events like I had like I had, there's always ways
• 46:18
  to look for the future and staying optimal.
• 46:22
  OK. So you decide you're going to
• 46:23
  reenroll in school, go work full time, volunteer.
• 46:28
  But one of the things that I saw said that your university
• 46:34
  realized what was going on and stopped you from attending
• 46:38
  classes on campus. Yeah, so.
• 46:41
  It was banned from campus and you know it was a very non good.
• 46:47
  Kind of experience because, you know, like I said, I love school
• 46:50
  and this is a school that my dad was a professor at, so imagine
• 46:54
  that. Wow.
• 46:55
  OK, Yeah, so. There is just no questions
• 47:01
  within the application process that had any questions regarding
• 47:05
  if I had any charges I would have fully disclosed that you
• 47:08
  know the only thing they ask is if you've been convicted and
• 47:12
  that's. For if you get federal funds
• 47:14
  from the government but you can still go to school with a
• 47:18
  conviction. They just don't want to give you
• 47:19
  money for it. So they have no idea until this
• 47:22
  becomes like news again because it was big news when it
• 47:25
  happened. I remember like kind of because
• 47:28
  like I have like a ticker of of I get notifications of things of
• 47:31
  crimes happening. And I was definitely more
• 47:34
  interested in the, the part where you you said you were
• 47:38
  getting revenge on a drone strike.
• 47:41
  That's what kind of piqued my interest when I first saw it.
• 47:43
  But then it kind of falls off everybody's radar.
• 47:46
  How did they even find out? Yeah.
• 47:49
  So music was one of the passions that I had and it was the main
• 47:53
  reason why I even moved to the Vegas in the 1st place and.
• 47:58
  I was fortunate that I was working with a really good
• 48:00
  studio and was working on different albums and music
• 48:04
  videos and it was part of my employment, you know, like I was
• 48:08
  allowed to work during house arrest, but.
• 48:11
  Like some people within my campus discovered my identity, I
• 48:16
  would say, with some Google searches from my music.
• 48:18
  And OK, yeah, so then they reported it to the campus police
• 48:23
  and it just kind of became like a big scandalous thing.
• 48:26
  Girl on house harasser. There goes right like girl on
• 48:30
  house. Harass goes to do music videos
• 48:31
  and police don't know that's the headlines.
• 48:34
  But that's not. Right.
• 48:36
  Which is like kind of not true because I checked with my
• 48:39
  attorney, it was legitimate employment.
• 48:42
  I checked with my house arrest GPS company, like they gave,
• 48:46
  like they fully knew. I do not know how that police
• 48:51
  didn't have any ideas that I was making music videos, let alone
• 48:55
  like attending a college campus. So OK, I'm honestly trying to
• 49:00
  figure out how that happened in the media.
• 49:03
  But it was. It was a second wave of media, I
• 49:05
  would say, that kind of made my story trickle back into the new
• 49:09
  cycle. The other thing too is, I mean,
• 49:12
  like, I get on one hand wanting to feel safe or whatever, but
• 49:19
  the other hand is like, they were like, she lives here with
• 49:22
  her parents and she goes to this school and I'm like, yeah, just
• 49:25
  give this girls whole everything.
• 49:30
  I mean, I know Texas is a big place, but I don't know if the
• 49:32
  city that they listed in the articles is a big place.
• 49:35
  Geez. Yeah.
• 49:37
  And like looking back right now, I don't know if you heard of the
• 49:41
  different cases of like people who are facing criminal charges
• 49:45
  who are able to attend campus like Alex Trevino or Alex
• 49:49
  Trevino. I'm not sure if I'm saying her
• 49:51
  name correctly, but I'm like there is or different
• 49:56
  accusations where the same school.
• 49:59
  Allowed somebody to attend campus on a rape charge, and
• 50:03
  they ended up getting convicted and going to prison for 20
• 50:06
  years. And I'm like, yeah, so I'm like,
• 50:09
  OK, well, given the back history of here, why am I the exception
• 50:14
  of like, not being able to attend campus?
• 50:17
  I'm not saying that all people facing charges should be able to
• 50:20
  attend school, but I do think that I think the background of
• 50:23
  my specific case was kind of looked.
• 50:27
  Overlooked in a way, because I don't think the decision for me
• 50:31
  to get kicked out of school was a justified 10 K So essentially
• 50:38
  we come up to this year. I mean, a judge determines that
• 50:47
  you're not a risk and that there were extenuating circumstances
• 50:50
  in your attack and put you on probation for three years,
• 50:54
  that's also that was a pretty big deal too.
• 50:57
  I mean, people were expecting everyone to kind of throw the
• 50:59
  book at you, right? And being.
• 51:02
  Initially charged with attempted murder.
• 51:03
  It's not a like it's not a misdemeanor.
• 51:06
  It's it's a very serious charge and for the attempted murder
• 51:10
  charge to be dropped and you know for me to be on probation,
• 51:14
  it was, it said that very settled essentially.
• 51:19
  Yeah. I mean, so I.
• 51:20
  Did I did take a guilty plea agreement?
• 51:22
  So the 10 murder charge was dropped and I pled guilty to two
• 51:26
  counts of false imprisonments, which is like a category B
• 51:31
  felony, I believe. Correct.
• 51:33
  Check on this. But but yeah, I'm like, it's all
• 51:37
  good legal jargon. I don't.
• 51:38
  Know, But yeah, so just. Being able to work with and that
• 51:44
  context given the amount of evidence within doctors,
• 51:47
  investigators were saying that this was an isolated incident.
• 51:51
  I had 0 criminal history before this.
• 51:54
  I had great grades. I was a positive contributing
• 51:57
  member of society and was just not on my medication and was not
• 52:04
  in the right mind when this incident happened.
• 52:06
  So if the judge thought that like if.
• 52:09
  Driver to continue on this positive path that I'm on Corey
• 52:12
  late. Then I would be able to
• 52:15
  essentially have a second chance, and I'm really grateful
• 52:18
  that I was afforded one. One of the things I've seen
• 52:22
  people say, not just about your case, but other people in this
• 52:26
  state, they go, well, what happens if this person stops
• 52:28
  taking their meds again? How do we feel safe?
• 52:33
  What's your response to that? So under one of my conditions on
• 52:38
  probation is that I must stay on my treatment regimen.
• 52:43
  So my doctor writes reports from my probation officer that yes,
• 52:48
  she is in fact coming to my or attending the sessions that
• 52:52
  we're having. And I do routinely get drug
• 52:56
  tested not only to make sure I'm not taking illicit drugs, but
• 53:00
  also that there's enough drugs in my assistant that.
• 53:03
  I'm supposed to be taking, so I do think that there's a lot of
• 53:06
  precautions and systems in place for me to ensure that I do stay
• 53:10
  on my meds, okay. I mean, that should hopefully
• 53:14
  make anyone at your school feel, I guess, a little bit more
• 53:18
  comfortable, right? Yeah, that's where I guess
• 53:23
  things start to change for you. I mean, you decide to write a
• 53:26
  book. Yeah, so.
• 53:28
  Because of like legal advice and my attorneys, we were not
• 53:33
  allowed to or I was not allowed to like speak on this matter or
• 53:37
  my background when mental health because they wanted to settle
• 53:42
  this legally. And then when my case was
• 53:46
  closed, I realized there is just so many inaccuracies in the
• 53:49
  media, and there's so many ways that are my story is reshaped
• 53:53
  and reform essentialized that. Doesn't really fully capture
• 53:56
  what actually happened. And I wanted to kind of tell my
• 54:00
  own narrative and the true story of what had happened not only
• 54:04
  during that night, but also providing context of Iran and
• 54:09
  how I moved to the United States being an immigrants in America
• 54:14
  and just providing a more comprehensive narrative on my
• 54:17
  story. And, you know, maybe it'll
• 54:20
  inspire others. That's.
• 54:23
  Nothing is impossible in life that you can achieve anything
• 54:26
  you send your mind into, but also how important it is to have
• 54:30
  discussions of mental health and being able to spotlight those
• 54:34
  stories. One of the main things that I've
• 54:37
  actually faced pretty recently is that I've talked to some
• 54:41
  different news stations and news outlets and they do an interview
• 54:45
  on me and I'm focusing the. Talking more about awareness on
• 54:49
  mental health and when I'm not answering those centralized
• 54:52
  questions like what color was the knife They're kind of like
• 54:56
  taking back and they don't ended up reporting on it or releasing
• 54:59
  the interview. So that just says a few things.
• 55:02
  One media just wants to report on whatever they want to report
• 55:06
  on. And also they're don't want to
• 55:08
  report on important topics such as mental health comprehensively
• 55:12
  sometimes in my opinion, because I'm like.
• 55:15
  Well, I'm refusing the questions that are like not relevant nor
• 55:19
  important. Silly, too, because that's
• 55:21
  something that's a detail that was mentioned hundreds of times.
• 55:25
  They know what color the knife was.
• 55:28
  I I don't know what getting you to say it out loud would do for
• 55:32
  the interview process, but they take it as a sign that you're
• 55:36
  not being compliant and then they just don't show the
• 55:39
  interview. Or I'm not.
• 55:40
  Giving them like the kind of story that would make it.
• 55:44
  Quote UN quote. Interesting to their viewer.
• 55:46
  I don't know. They want the they want the
• 55:48
  sexy, the sexy story, right? And, well, that's not what this
• 55:53
  is. This isn't, this isn't a sexy,
• 55:57
  you know, situation. Yes, you you were beginning the
• 56:02
  process of getting intimate with someone when the attack
• 56:05
  happened, which was a big thing that all the news outlets made
• 56:09
  sure to mention. Right.
• 56:11
  But I don't think if there were needs, if there were gonna be
• 56:14
  continued reporting on it like the main take away should be
• 56:19
  mental health like absolutely. I don't think it does it any
• 56:24
  good to just reiterate what was already said.
• 56:28
  Well, and also the thing too is another thing that people kind
• 56:30
  of forget is that there is a another person involved in this
• 56:33
  case and and he has to see all these things.
• 56:37
  You know if he looks up his name, it's connected to your
• 56:40
  name from now on. And how I would, you know, how
• 56:43
  would you feel if if you were the victim of a crime and then
• 56:46
  you know there's a a sexy Hallmark, not Hallmark.
• 56:50
  What's that one channel that makes all those movies that are
• 56:53
  kind of it might be Hallmark. I got a sexy Hallmark movie
• 56:57
  about the day that you almost died.
• 56:59
  That would feel terrible, right? Like, that's one of the things
• 57:02
  that keeps popping up in true crime conversations this year is
• 57:07
  that there needs to be more respect for, like, victims,
• 57:12
  families and everybody involved. Like, yes, you are watching this
• 57:17
  and I guess yes, it is entertainment, but there's a way
• 57:20
  that you can do it and not be gross.
• 57:23
  Right, exactly. And so the name of your book is
• 57:28
  Who is Nika Nakubin? A bloody Las Vegas hotel story.
• 57:33
  And that's where you want to try and set the record straight.
• 57:38
  Yeah. For.
• 57:38
  Sure. Yeah, I wanted to.
• 57:40
  Kind of spot like my story, like I've said and provide a better
• 57:44
  narrative that was portrayed in the media because I don't think
• 57:47
  they've done it accurately nor that they fully comprehended
• 57:53
  comprehensively provided context for certain matters and but also
• 57:58
  a portion of their proceeds does go to the National Mental Health
• 58:01
  Alliance. You know, I'm not a, I'm not a
• 58:03
  lawyer, I'm not a policy maker. But if there's anything I can do
• 58:06
  my power to. Implement positive change in
• 58:11
  society. I would help to see it and I've
• 58:14
  actually had a book signing event at Barnes and Noble this
• 58:19
  this past weekend, which was a super great turn around.
• 58:22
  And I'm honestly kind of blown away by the amount of support
• 58:26
  that people have had for me and being able to sell all the
• 58:30
  installed copies that in less than an hour and everybody
• 58:33
  showing on and showing support. It honestly kind of made my
• 58:36
  world especially. Because I've had, like, high
• 58:39
  school people who have said negative things about me on the
• 58:42
  Internet when it first initially happened, and then they reached
• 58:45
  out to me, they were like, they were apologizing and saying, Oh
• 58:48
  my gosh, I read your book. I I understand what you're going
• 58:51
  through. I'm so glad you seek treatment.
• 58:53
  So, you know, if that's the impact I'm getting from
• 58:56
  publishing this book, I think it has done a lot of good for sure.
• 59:01
  No, that's great. And I mean, I know you said that
• 59:04
  music is just like a hobby for you.
• 59:06
  And really what you want to focus on right now is a another
• 59:09
  degree, this time in psychology. Yeah, so.
• 59:12
  Yeah, I'm studying psychology and I'm doing music as like a
• 59:16
  hobby right now. If we were to give in an
• 59:19
  opportunity to pursue it full time, I can definitely like
• 59:22
  think about it. But I'm like kind of exploring
• 59:24
  my options at the moment and I really do want to finish up my
• 59:29
  degree in psychology and. I can speak about my personal
• 59:33
  experience and my knowledge from like educational institutions,
• 59:38
  from psychology to better comprehensively.
• 59:41
  I think you have just a unique perspective as someone who has
• 59:46
  the diagnosis that you have now. I originally saw that it was
• 59:50
  schizophrenia, depression and bipolar disorder.
• 59:54
  Is that still accurate? Because I know, sometimes things
• 59:57
  change, right? So I was diagnosed with PTSD as
• 1:00:02
  well, but I've gone like EMDR treatments.
• 1:00:06
  But ohh okay. Yeah, so.
• 1:00:09
  But right now my most updated would probably be like bipolar
• 1:00:15
  in schizophrenia and depression. But you know, they're very
• 1:00:19
  manageable. Like, I haven't had a single
• 1:00:21
  episode in the past year, so. That's awesome.
• 1:00:26
  You know, which is like, I'm really proud of it and I really
• 1:00:29
  wanna breakdown the stigma that just because you're taking
• 1:00:33
  treatment and you're on your treatment, it shouldn't be a,
• 1:00:35
  you know, a taboo. And like, some people are like,
• 1:00:38
  ohh, my gosh, when are you gonna, uh when is your doctor
• 1:00:41
  gonna take you off your meds and like, you, when are you gonna be
• 1:00:43
  healed? And I'm like that's not that's
• 1:00:46
  not a good way to like view it because just because you're on
• 1:00:50
  some medications that help you, um, not have mental health
• 1:00:55
  episodes doesn't mean that like you're not the quote UN quote
• 1:00:59
  well per se. Yeah, unfortunately the.
• 1:01:01
  Answer is never anybody listening who was asked Nika
• 1:01:04
  that question never like for so much that people go through.
• 1:01:09
  It's a lifelong process. You're like, you're not really
• 1:01:12
  cured. You're maintaining right, You
• 1:01:16
  could correct me. If I'm wrong, that's how I feel
• 1:01:18
  about myself. I feel like I'm in a great place
• 1:01:20
  right now. I'm doing awesome.
• 1:01:23
  But I still have to do a a a certain amount of work, at least
• 1:01:27
  on my part to kind of work against certain thoughts that I
• 1:01:30
  have some days and things like that, right?
• 1:01:33
  Like if you're maintaining and you're on your medications and
• 1:01:36
  you had no episodes, I think that's a huge win.
• 1:01:39
  So, right. Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:01:42
  Yeah, and you are. I mean and what good was there
• 1:01:46
  to to be to to throw you in prison the likelihood that?
• 1:01:51
  This would happen again is pretty slim and you're obviously
• 1:01:56
  remorseful of it. How do you feel about what
• 1:02:00
  Daniel said about you and the press?
• 1:02:05
  Think it was on the lines of like I've forgiven her, but you
• 1:02:08
  know, I'm going to let the legal system do what they need to do
• 1:02:10
  here. Right.
• 1:02:12
  Honestly, I'm very grateful just because, you know, I've
• 1:02:16
  regretted what actually happened.
• 1:02:18
  And I'm so glad that I was able to apologize to Daniel and I've
• 1:02:22
  accepted 100% responsibility. And it did kind of like, like it
• 1:02:29
  was really good notes that I was able to apologize and he was
• 1:02:33
  able to forgive me and for me to be on probation.
• 1:02:36
  I think it was one of the main components that kind of inspires
• 1:02:41
  me to do better in life and be optimal about certain
• 1:02:45
  situations. You know, obviously it's not
• 1:02:48
  something I look back upon and I'm like, you know, it was a
• 1:02:51
  great situation because I was not.
• 1:02:53
  And it was very unfortunate and I'm so sad that, you know, I was
• 1:02:59
  not the right. But given the of how it ended
• 1:03:04
  and how Daniel reacted to the situation, I'm very fortunate
• 1:03:10
  and happy about it. Yeah, well, one of the things
• 1:03:14
  you mentioned earlier in the podcast and also when we talked
• 1:03:17
  prior was that you wanna create positive change.
• 1:03:22
  Do you wanna expand on that and how you wanna do that?
• 1:03:26
  Yeah. So there's different projects
• 1:03:28
  that I'm working on. I would say like my book is a
• 1:03:31
  main component of it because I'm able to speak more about my
• 1:03:35
  story and kind of spot like what I personally gone through to
• 1:03:38
  inspire others as well. But, you know, pursuing
• 1:03:42
  education and psychology and possibly a career in psychology.
• 1:03:47
  To be able to not only reflect on my story, but also
• 1:03:53
  educational background in the field of psychology to implement
• 1:03:58
  positive change in the world, I think is something that I'm very
• 1:04:01
  passionate about. What do your parents think
• 1:04:04
  about? You like being public with this
• 1:04:07
  story. It's not their favorite, I will
• 1:04:11
  say that, But at this point it's like it's already out there.
• 1:04:15
  And even if I am able to change the perspective of one person at
• 1:04:21
  a time, I'm more than willing to go that route than like people
• 1:04:26
  have a wrong narrative of me and you're trying to.
• 1:04:30
  Fix that as best you can, right? Well, I I guess.
• 1:04:36
  Is there anything else that you wanna speak on?
• 1:04:40
  No, I think I wanna thank you for bringing me on on this
• 1:04:45
  podcast and you know, I'm really thankful that I can share my
• 1:04:49
  story. And for the listeners, if you
• 1:04:51
  want to check out my book or see the event something feel free to
• 1:04:55
  do so. And my big message that I want
• 1:04:59
  to kind of conclude on is that no matter the situation, there's
• 1:05:03
  always ways to be optimal and achieve your dreams.
• 1:05:07
  And you know, healing is always an ongoing process that.
• 1:05:12
  Now that is is a statement there healing is an ongoing process.
• 1:05:17
  This never ends. Nika is on TikTok.
• 1:05:20
  Her username is Nika 5 N You can also go to her website Nika
• 1:05:27
  Nikuben. And I'll put all of these links
• 1:05:29
  in the liner notes for the podcast if you want to look her
• 1:05:32
  up along with the Amazon link to her book.
• 1:05:34
  Yeah. Thank you so much for coming and
• 1:05:36
  and being open and giving some details that nobody mentioned.
• 1:05:40
  But I do appreciate that, especially the stuff for the
• 1:05:43
  police side eyeing. The Nevada police right now,
• 1:05:49
  right? Yeah.
• 1:05:49
  But yeah. Thank you so much.
• 1:05:51
  Yeah. Thank you so much for being.
• 1:05:54
  And As for you listeners, you have a great weekend.
• 1:05:59
  All right. Bye.
• 1:06:00
  Bye.