Latest / Steve Azar's Resonance: A Podcast for Leaders, Unpacking the Power of Song, Silence and Strategy / Resonance Season 3-Episode 2: The Courage To Reinvent Yourself

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Resonance Season 3-Episode 2: The Courage To Reinvent Yourself · Steve Azar's Resonance: A Podcast for Leaders, Unpacking the Power of Song, Silence and Strategy

0:00
SPEAKER_02: This is Resident, the podcast with leaders that unpacked the power of songs, style, and strategy.
0:13
SPEAKER_01: We believe the great leadership begins with deep listening, not just to others, but to the still small voice within.
0:21
SPEAKER_00: It's not just about being a successful leader, it's about being soulfully aligned as well.
0:27
SPEAKER_01: In a world moving fast, resonance invites you to pause and reconnect with purpose, people, and possibilities.
0:33
SPEAKER_02: We'll dive into some cool stories, celebrate with friends, and dig deep into the music too.
0:39
SPEAKER_02: A song has a way of staying with words cannot alone.
0:44
SPEAKER_01: So whether you're leading a business, a team, or just trying to lead your own life with more meaning, this is Resonance.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: Resonance, Resonance.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: Hey everybody, welcome back to Resonance.
0:56
SPEAKER_01: We are in season three.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: Can you believe it, guys?
1:00
SPEAKER_01: Season three, episode two, and uh, we're having a great time.
1:04
SPEAKER_01: Mike Farrell here with uh Steve Azar and Randy Harrington, Steve in Mississippi, Randy in Oregon, and I'm in uh beautiful South Dakota.
1:13
SPEAKER_01: So uh here we go.
1:15
SPEAKER_01: Today we've got a really fun episode to talk about because all of us have gone through these stages and are still going through these stages.
1:23
SPEAKER_01: So today we're gonna talk about the puberty.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: It's not puberty.
1:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:28
SPEAKER_01: No, it's way more ending than that.
1:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna talk about the courage to reinvent yourself.
1:36
SPEAKER_01: And so with that, I'm gonna kick it over to Steve because I know Steve, you've you've done a few reinventions and are continuing to reinvent yourself.
1:44
SPEAKER_01: And uh I'm gonna let you kind of kick that part of it off.
1:47
SPEAKER_01: So go right ahead.
1:49
SPEAKER_02: You know, uh I'm starting to sh uh if you're not watching this on YouTube and you're listening, I'm having some uh glitches in my in my head right now, and and some uh bad memories and some good memories that uh it's a lot of things flashing before my eyes as we speak.
2:08
SPEAKER_02: Because it's been interesting looking back in the rearview mirror, you don't realize how much you have to handle change and accept change and do something about it.
2:17
SPEAKER_02: Uh and that is a lot to do, especially when you set out to just write songs, play music, record, make records, and record for people.
2:26
SPEAKER_02: There have been so many other things that's had to happen in my life.
2:32
SPEAKER_02: Uh a lot of that uh I've had to take on myself uh in the name of that for that purpose.
2:37
SPEAKER_02: We talk about purpose all the time and and making sure that you uh that you not only plant the seeds that you you know you water and you take care of those things and you harvest it and then you gotta sell it, right?
2:48
SPEAKER_02: You got all these things you gotta do.
2:50
SPEAKER_02: You're farming your entire life, but uh with with with a different kind of gambling from the American farmer, but it's a good metaphor.
2:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but yeah, but it's the truth.
3:00
SPEAKER_02: It's a lot of gambling.
3:01
SPEAKER_02: So uh mine obviously uh has started as uh an artist and and having people to pay growing up and and doing all of those things that you're responsible for uh a smaller group of people, uh even when you're growing up as a kid and and you're you have people on the payroll, right?
3:19
SPEAKER_02: And you're doing your own thing.
3:21
SPEAKER_02: And you know, looking back as a singer, songwriter, and musician when you you've got notes to pay and it's gear and you got people to pay and you got to have enough shows to pay it all and make money and and then move the ball, not only move the needle, but but bring on fans and try to grow grassroots in that way we used to do it back in the day.
3:40
SPEAKER_02: Those were entrepreneur, I mean you were being an entrepreneur.
3:43
SPEAKER_02: I just never thought about it.
3:44
SPEAKER_02: And so fast forward to uh being on a major label and having them do a lot of the things that you never thought that you would ever do, having to build a lot of the relationships that came naturally, which was a beautiful thing, but building relationships with folks, and those relationships actually you're not just showing up at a show, and they're they're not coming in.
4:08
SPEAKER_02: The radio guys aren't just coming in to see you and say, Hey, Steve, thanks for coming and doing the show.
4:12
SPEAKER_02: Uh you you you've done an interview with them before.
4:15
SPEAKER_02: Now you're the record guy, and you and now you're the guy that's talking about spins and you know how much play you're getting and and what you know, what can I do in the market.
4:25
SPEAKER_02: And you it's just another whole hat you're wearing.
4:29
SPEAKER_02: And uh I sort of embraced it uh because I'm the one that made the decision not to go to another label where we'd have had opportunities.
4:38
SPEAKER_02: Uh, I just decided I didn't like waiting.
4:41
SPEAKER_02: And you spent a lot of time waiting to have a record out, waiting uh to get told you can go in the studio, waiting.
4:48
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's just constant waiting, right?
4:51
SPEAKER_02: And I didn't want to wait on anybody anymore, and I felt like the relationships were there uh where I could branch out and do my own thing.
4:57
SPEAKER_02: Toby Keith, God rest his soul, did it about as good as anybody's ever done it, and um just surrounding yourself by around people that do those jobs, and you have to rely on those people to do those jobs, but you still have to lead.
5:12
SPEAKER_02: And um, I was uh put in a situation where that's happened, and that happened in 2006, and I've never looked back and I've never been more happy, I've never been more free, and I've also got to look at myself in the mirror and go, am I doing everything I need to do to continue to be the artist and songwriter and musician, uh getting to play live everything that am I doing everything for that purpose uh in my life?
5:38
SPEAKER_02: And you know, we've talked about my crazy life and the you know the nucleus and having you know everything orbit around or orbit around the purpose.
5:45
SPEAKER_02: And Mike, you've been the one that taught me this this word purpose in in uh one of your books, and uh it just hit me over the head like I'm I mean, like with a two by four, and I said, wait a minute, what is that thing?
5:57
SPEAKER_02: And have I been nurturing that purpose and what am I doing in my life and who am I working with in my life that are positive for the purpose and moving the ball forward and moving my life forward and evolving in a positive way?
6:11
SPEAKER_02: And what are the ones that are doing nothing for it?
6:14
SPEAKER_02: In fact, they're taking up too much energy, they're causing me sleepless nights, and at the and the end of the day, they're doing nothing for moving your life forward.
6:25
SPEAKER_02: And it anything, it's uh it's making things stagnant.
6:28
SPEAKER_02: And it's allowed me to realize the things I have to let go.
6:32
SPEAKER_02: There's a lot going on in my life right now uh that have come up that are things that I wish I didn't have to deal with that we're dealing with and we are dealing with, and things uh that are flattering that I gotta make decisions.
6:44
SPEAKER_02: And is it gonna be something I have time for?
6:47
SPEAKER_02: Can I protect my voice long enough if I'm doing this to be able to sing for the next 25, 30 years of my life?
6:54
SPEAKER_02: All these things now I'm thinking about uh where money is not necessarily the actual, oh, that's a b that's a pretty cool pot of money.
7:04
SPEAKER_02: It is the fourth or fifth thing I'm thinking about uh now at this point in my life.
7:09
SPEAKER_02: And uh just making sure that I take care of the thing that I love to do the most, and that's my voice, my ability to write songs and get to perform.
7:18
SPEAKER_02: So it's just a lot going on.
7:19
SPEAKER_02: But it's interesting how uh the I I grew up watching, we talked about this on the last episode, watching my mom and dad be entrepreneurs.
7:27
SPEAKER_02: And it's it was an it was a family thing.
7:30
SPEAKER_02: His f family did it.
7:31
SPEAKER_02: And the family before that did it.
7:33
SPEAKER_02: And the ones that came over, the Lebanese Catholic folks that came over in the late 1800s, were selling stuff, you know, to anybody that would buy it.
7:41
SPEAKER_02: And uh I just think it must be in my in my DNA.
7:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're not far off there.
7:48
SPEAKER_00: I think what you're getting to is this idea of what are what is it, what is required?
7:52
SPEAKER_00: So what you just just described is in your normal life right now, you're eight different people.
8:00
SPEAKER_00: And you talked about it as wearing different hats.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: Oh, now I've got to be the producer hat or the record label hat or whatever.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: And each one of those hats represents a completely different set of competencies, a completely different focus.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: And so what you're telling us is it's not unusual for you as an artist and musician to be that this is what it requires is to wear all these different hats.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: So that is reinvention of self in the way that we're talking about it.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: But it goes even further because what you were you were beginning to do was also say, I had to be self-aware of what I can do, what I'm good at, and not just how I think about myself, but I need to be able to see myself as others see me.
8:42
SPEAKER_00: And this is what the academic literature would say.
8:45
SPEAKER_00: This is about taking self as object.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: Can I imagine myself sitting in front of me?
8:53
SPEAKER_00: And can I walk around and look at it?
8:54
SPEAKER_00: And can by can I be objective?
8:56
SPEAKER_00: Can I can I be dispassionate about how I'm viewing myself?
9:01
SPEAKER_00: And it's then that you can begin to make the kinds of changes that are going to make you more successful, more disciplined, more appealing to the people that you're trying to work with or or what have you.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: And so it's it's this simple ability to abstract yourself from your view of yourself.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: The self is one of the only things it can be at both the subject, uh, the the object and the subject at the same time.
9:28
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there the the perceived and the perceiver are are both happening there.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: And that's why we get sort of tripped up in our own brains.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: But if you can do that, then the door opens and you can begin to see yourself not as something that's locked in stone.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: And the last thing I'll say about this particular thread is one of the things I've come to realize as an old dude is I get annoyed with people who are what I'm gonna call randomly dogmatic.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: And so dogmatism is the principle of having a strong feeling about something.
10:08
SPEAKER_00: By golly, I'm dogmatic about the way we raise the flag.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: This is the way we're gonna do it, and this is it.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: No other way.
10:15
SPEAKER_00: That's dogmatism.
10:17
SPEAKER_00: And that's fine if you have a real reason to be dogmatic.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: But if you're with people these days, you'll hear people saying, I don't like pens anymore.
10:24
SPEAKER_00: Does anybody I hate pens?
10:26
SPEAKER_00: Do you hate pens?
10:26
SPEAKER_00: I hate pens.
10:27
SPEAKER_00: I hate pickles.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: I saw pickles and you can get pickled potato chips.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: Who would want that?
10:32
SPEAKER_00: I would hate that.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: I haven't even tasted them, and I would hate that.
10:35
SPEAKER_00: Where all they do is they tell me what they everything in the world for them is to be evaluated, right?
10:41
SPEAKER_00: Oh, those are those, I don't care for those mugs.
10:43
SPEAKER_00: I like my coffee in a ceramic mug.
10:45
SPEAKER_00: Don't give me a metal mug.
10:46
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, just shut the Yeah, you don't, yeah, I don't want to be around that at all.
10:50
SPEAKER_02: That's not true.
10:50
SPEAKER_02: I don't want to be around it.
10:51
SPEAKER_00: And so here's a very wise person said to me, a very wise person said, When you tell me you don't like the pickles, you're telling me more about yourself than you are about the pickles.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: And this to me is the thing.
11:05
SPEAKER_00: Why is this so important?
11:06
SPEAKER_00: Because the minute that you say you don't like pickles, now I have to carry that forward.
11:10
SPEAKER_00: Now I, no matter what situation I go into, I have to be honorable.
11:14
SPEAKER_00: I just said I don't like pickles, and so I can't go in now and say, oh, I'm gonna have a bunch of pickles because you just said you didn't.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: So what you do is you tie, you build a cage of your own making that that prevents you from having agency and choice in the world.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: In other words, you're locking down what is possible.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: It's the same thing with people who define themselves as I'm super masculine.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: Everything I do is masculine man.
11:38
SPEAKER_00: So I can't be seen holding a baby, I can't be seen being a nice guy because I have to define myself as super masculine man.
11:46
SPEAKER_00: Or the woman is like, oh, I'm genteel and I can't, you know, it's like why do that to yourself?
11:51
SPEAKER_00: Why constrain your behavioral options so unnecessarily?
11:56
SPEAKER_00: I'm off that soapbox.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: But that is the thing that interrupts the ability to change, to reinvent yourself.
12:03
SPEAKER_00: You you take the key away from yourself, and I've never understood it.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: So stop evaluating everything.
12:09
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
12:10
SPEAKER_01: And I think, you know, Steve makes a good a good point on on this whole idea of purpose because I think that that we can reinvent, and I think that there's some confusion maybe on what reinvention really is.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: Go for it.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: Reinvention doesn't necessarily mean you're reinvent reinventing you as a person.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: You might just be reinventing a method.
12:33
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
12:35
SPEAKER_01: You know, moving from, you know, the whole idea of of moving from, you know, streaming to internet to AI to all those kinds of things.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: The methodology is changing.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: But if your purpose remains the same, and I'll and I'll use for but for the first time in season three, I'll bring the Benedictines in here.
12:54
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
12:55
SPEAKER_01: You know, if you if you look at the the 1500 plus year history of the Benedictins, monasteries have had to reinvent themselves many, many, many times.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: Whether it's where they were located, whether it's how they survived, whether it's how they what they were from a sustainability standpoint, some of them were in agriculture, some of them were in buildings, some of them were in business.
13:19
SPEAKER_01: You know, making the plan to constantly reinvented themselves, but the purpose never changed.
13:26
SPEAKER_01: The purpose was always based on the rule of Benedict and understanding that the purpose is to give glory to God and and and to get yourself to heaven.
13:39
SPEAKER_01: And so that was the purpose, the methodology they had to reinvent themselves many times over 1,500 years, and they're still having to do it today.
13:49
SPEAKER_01: But the person and the purpose didn't change, that was the constant.
13:55
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's the important aspect you we hear people talk all the time, and and and I'll use myself as an example.
14:03
SPEAKER_01: You guys know the whole story about what happened to my business after the financial crisis.
14:07
SPEAKER_01: And for those that are just listening for the first time, you know, I I spent four years after the financial crisis really talking people off ledges and trying to help them overcome uh an incredibly challenging situation, uh, to the detriment of myself.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: Because after four years of that, it finally got to the point where I couldn't deal with the negativity and all of the things that went with that trying to help them through it and and not taking care of myself.
14:36
SPEAKER_01: And so really understanding that, and so I shut down.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: I basically shut down and and uh for the better part of two to three years, all I did was was really think about what I went through and what were where was that purpose.
14:50
SPEAKER_01: And I and I would say that prior to that, the whole idea of purpose didn't even exist for me.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: The you know, I confused purpose with making money and helping clients be successful and help them make money and help them gain market share and all those kinds of things.
15:05
SPEAKER_01: So to take that time off, and of course that's when I discovered the rule, but to take that time off and then realize that I can still do the same things that I do, but I can do them very differently with a higher purpose vision, and and helping them still be successful and be more profitable and gain market share, but do it the right way and do it the way that's consistent with my values and my character and my ethics, and so really reinventing myself from that perspective.
15:40
SPEAKER_01: And so it really the methods changed.
15:44
SPEAKER_01: The person, the person myself, I'm the same person that I was when I was way back in the seminary 40 years ago.
15:51
SPEAKER_01: But now I am able to take that purpose and bring that into my work environment.
15:58
SPEAKER_02: Well, let me just say this the Benedictines have been doing their thing a lot longer than the Azars have been doing their thing in Mississippi.
16:05
SPEAKER_02: But but we've been doing it a long time.
16:08
SPEAKER_02: And uh and and history is just repeating itself in another different way with the generations.
16:13
SPEAKER_02: If I look back far even further back than I was around, of course.
16:17
SPEAKER_02: Uh and that was when they when they moved over to America in the late 1800s.
16:20
SPEAKER_02: It's it's really just it's it's interesting how I I mentioned the DNA before.
16:26
SPEAKER_02: I think that if you're nurtured in this environment that you see that.
16:30
SPEAKER_02: And it and and we've talked about Randy being raised in a military family.
16:34
SPEAKER_02: And uh except for being on the move a lot and moving a lot or whatever we're doing there, which he's he's a traveler, you know, in his business.
16:41
SPEAKER_02: He's travels all over the place to consult just like you do, Mike.
16:44
SPEAKER_02: Uh, but but you grew up like me with it all around you.
16:48
SPEAKER_02: And it's interesting how that's what Randy became.
16:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, the I I've reflected on that a good bit.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: Military brats talk among themselves, and there's uh there's a group of military brats that seem to have that loved it, you know, for whatever reason.
17:06
SPEAKER_00: And then there's some that are really still bitter and very uh traumatized by the whole experience.
17:11
SPEAKER_00: So it's just who knows.
17:12
SPEAKER_00: But for me, uh I I can think back on some very clear moments when I would go, I I literally made the conscious decision, and I'll never forget it, when I went from an elementary school in Florida to a junior high school in Honolulu, and I decided I wasn't gonna be the math or not the math, the chess nerd.
17:32
SPEAKER_00: I was gonna try and let go of that identity because it wasn't doing much for me.
17:39
SPEAKER_00: I was literally the nerd.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: I mean, would I carried a uh an attache case to elementary school with You were preparing yourself, baby.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: I was ready.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: I was a business guy.
17:51
SPEAKER_00: I loved the attache case.
17:52
SPEAKER_00: Hey, knowing you that's pretty cool.
17:55
SPEAKER_02: Knowing you now, Mike, don't you think that's pretty cool?
17:58
SPEAKER_01: And my mom let me have talking.
17:59
SPEAKER_01: Now he carried now he now he carries a Zucalele case.
18:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:04
SPEAKER_01: Seems like you would have wanted to do those the opposite.
18:08
SPEAKER_00: Right.
18:09
SPEAKER_00: But I remember, so I meant I get to I get to Honolulu and I go to Aliyamanu uh Aliamano Intermediate School, and uh it was a completely different environment.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: And I I remember being very conscious of the fact that my old identity, the personality that I was gonna bring, would get eaten alive in that school.
18:28
SPEAKER_00: I needed to be a different individual if I was going to be successful.
18:33
SPEAKER_00: And so I started stealing.
18:35
SPEAKER_00: I started stealing attributes from people.
18:37
SPEAKER_00: I'd look at the cool kid in the class and go, what the heck is he doing?
18:40
SPEAKER_00: Why is that so?
18:41
SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: I see.
18:43
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know what the what's the what's this nice person doing over here?
18:46
SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: So I would just sort of take on and try on an attribute, a characteristic.
18:52
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't.
18:54
SPEAKER_00: Right.
18:54
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they were good and sometimes they weren't particularly good.
18:57
SPEAKER_00: And I'd usually get in trouble, or you know, there'd be some big, big shenanigans that unfolded.
19:03
SPEAKER_00: But it was it was the first time I really saw identity as being plastic, as being something that you could just, oh, those are Lego pieces, and I can put different Lego pieces into my mind.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: And it was very empowering at the time because I realized, oh, I can actually do this.
19:19
SPEAKER_00: And that same feeling occurred.
19:21
SPEAKER_00: I struggled through most of high school academically.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: I just didn't like it.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't very good.
19:27
SPEAKER_00: And even college, it was okay.
19:30
SPEAKER_00: And then somewhere along the way, though, uh, somebody said, You should go to graduate school.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be happy in graduate school.
19:36
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Oh my god, I'm sucking wind, you know, in this program.
19:39
SPEAKER_00: Why am I why do you think I could do better there?
19:41
SPEAKER_00: But it was totally true.
19:42
SPEAKER_00: So I sort of finally found the identity that it was like, oh, these are my people.
19:48
SPEAKER_00: Oh, this is my way.
19:49
SPEAKER_00: You know, it was like, uh and so graduate school was finally the place where I had some sort of econom uh academic engagement that felt fulfilling.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: Amazing.
20:00
SPEAKER_02: You're involved, you're you gotta realize this.
20:02
SPEAKER_02: Most people growing up went through the exact same way.
20:07
SPEAKER_02: They are constantly, you see a movie, you see the finds, you see rock, yeah, you see this, and you want to be that because you're afforded the time and the opportunities to find out who it is you're gonna become because of the things that you're witnessing and the things that you're experiencing, and eventually you you find your academia on the other side of the fence.
20:31
SPEAKER_02: You know, after you've graduated and you're you're gonna go into, you know, this is when it you're starting to figure out who you are.
20:37
SPEAKER_02: All of these things, there are some people that go, how do they figure themselves out?
20:42
SPEAKER_02: And they can burn out.
20:43
SPEAKER_02: A lot of times you you're you you know what I mean, you're growing up and you you've got it all figured out and you're the guy or you're the girl and you're da-da-da.
20:49
SPEAKER_02: And then all of a sudden you you look and you're you're sort of that was your heyday, those years.
20:54
SPEAKER_02: And I think uh I think it's a lot to say about paying attention and trying to evolve when you're a young kid because you're really trying to to find your sweet spot.
21:03
SPEAKER_02: Pardon the pun there, Mike.
21:04
SPEAKER_02: Your book with the word purpose and everything else that we got that that uh that that you put out that got me turned on to so much of that.
21:11
SPEAKER_02: But um I'm gonna say a couple things.
21:13
SPEAKER_02: It's interesting to me.
21:15
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna go back to your DNA, Randy, and you have you've got one of your deals when you go in and consult, you've got the Navy SILS on your side.
21:26
SPEAKER_02: And it it becomes this great thing how you go guys go in with the discipline and all that.
21:30
SPEAKER_02: So you've used your entrepreneurial spirit that you have now mixed with what your dad uh and what you experienced in your life growing up.
21:39
SPEAKER_02: So that's sort of a tribute to your dad and the life that you lived.
21:46
SPEAKER_02: So you did capture some of those nurturing things that has turned into a a side business for you in a lot of ways.
21:54
SPEAKER_02: That's what's not a side business, it's part of what you do with the Navy SILs and all that.
21:59
SPEAKER_02: And so So the other thing uh that I was gonna say is about Mike.
22:04
SPEAKER_02: I was I was thinking about Mike and the Benedictine principles and and him going through the financial crisis.
22:09
SPEAKER_02: Mike, I can only imagine you almost breaking down.
22:14
SPEAKER_02: I mean, like how what was this like on your health when you were around so much negativity and tough, tough, tough times?
22:22
SPEAKER_01: Well, and yeah, I think I and again, you know, it was my job as the as the coach, as the consultant, to help people get through that.
22:33
SPEAKER_01: So, so what you try and do is you try and insulate yourself from all of that negativity and all that kind of stuff, because you got to be the guy that's the up guy that says, all right, we're gonna we're gonna work our way through this and and that kind of thing.
22:46
SPEAKER_01: What I didn't realize is the toll that it was taking on me, and that it and it finally at about that four-year mark finally really took its toll on me, and my health went went bad.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: I went into depression, um, I went through a divorce, all of those financial issues and that kind of thing.
23:06
SPEAKER_01: All of those things happened as a result of that period of time of those years where I was trying to help others get through that.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: And it finally swimming.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: It finally got to me.
23:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you were swimming like in the deep end of I'm trying to trying to picture a swamp and just snakes and and it's a hundred degrees, and there's all these.
23:28
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I mean, you you were not there was no way for you to get away from that and be the happy guy and be the high spirited, and we're gonna get through this and all that when you literally had to live it with each one of these businesses, and you'd go one to the other, to the other, to the other, and there was you were just you were in in hell.
23:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
23:50
SPEAKER_01: You know, and it really, and I really I never really understood that until I actually stepped away and began to reflect.
23:58
SPEAKER_01: And of course, that's where the sweet spot that book came from was that whole reflection on on that period of time.
24:05
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but to really step away and begin to reflect on that and think about it and and reconnect with my faith and those kinds of things to realize that there was a big piece of me that was never involved in the business aspect, and that big piece of me was my faith.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: And I had I had let that slide kind of on a consistent basis over the years after I'd left the seminary, and uh it was it was really, you know, God kind of hitting me over the head with a two by four saying, wake up here, you've got you've got the foundation, just go back to the foundation.
24:40
SPEAKER_01: Go, you know, you hear coaches say all the time, we got to go back to the basics.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: Well, I had to go back to the basics.
24:46
SPEAKER_02: Well, the Mike Farrell that I first met and the one you met, Randy, has been a pretty happy guy.
24:51
SPEAKER_02: And uh, and you've been a very positive guy in my life, both of you have.
24:55
SPEAKER_02: And and I can tell you the sweet spot doesn't happen if you don't go through that.
24:59
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and you're still maybe doing the same thing you were doing, and who knows, you may or not live through it.
25:06
SPEAKER_02: And so, so you think about your ability to pivot and change, well, to go back to who some of the foundations, your core that was so needed for you to come out of that, right?
25:20
SPEAKER_02: You had to have help to get out of there, right?
25:22
SPEAKER_01: Right.
25:23
SPEAKER_01: And you know, yeah, I had to I had to understand what my higher purpose vision was.
25:27
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
25:28
SPEAKER_01: And realizing that, and and I'm still going through that, and you're gonna see that in the next book that comes out.
25:35
SPEAKER_01: You're seeing that reconnection, um, and and we need it so much in the world today, that reconnection to I call it faith, others call it spirituality, whatever it is, but bringing virtue and ethics and character and and faith and all of those things back into the work environment and especially back into the leadership suite is so desperately needed today in this world.
26:00
SPEAKER_01: And and that's my higher purpose vision is to spread that message.
26:04
SPEAKER_02: Mike, it was I'm sorry, I was gonna say, Mike, it was gonna happen to you whether the financial crisis happened or not, it would have been something that would have driven you to, you know, more thrive and less grumbling.
26:16
SPEAKER_02: That's coming, I know.
26:17
SPEAKER_02: Uh Randy, I'm sorry.
26:18
SPEAKER_02: I didn't mean to.
26:19
SPEAKER_00: Well, no, no, this this was uh you're we're we're on the same page.
26:22
SPEAKER_00: Uh, where I was going was to say, this is what I hear from police officers, and this is what I hear from nurses, and this is what I hear from anybody who's teaching anything in a public school.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: Right.
26:34
SPEAKER_00: They're ending the day exhausted, completely burned out, wrung out.
26:39
SPEAKER_00: They don't feel like they they they they're running in a deficit every day, and they know it's not sustainable, but they can't get out of that cycle.
26:47
SPEAKER_00: And that is hell.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: You described it very nicely, Steve, just a second ago.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: And that that is right.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: When you feel like you're doing everything you can and there's nothing you can do, that's pretty close to a definition of hell.
26:58
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's just sucking you in.
27:00
SPEAKER_00: Good for anybody, and you're no good for yourself.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: I mean, just no energy.
27:04
SPEAKER_03: Right.
27:05
SPEAKER_00: So it's it's it's a pervasive phenomenon, I guess, is what I'm saying.
27:08
SPEAKER_00: Is that what Mike was experiencing, and to your point, uh, it didn't, you know, the certainly the financial crisis was a thing.
27:14
SPEAKER_00: And I'm pretty sure we're looking at another looming uh big shakedown in the economy in the next whatever, however long, it's not gonna be long.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: It happens, right?
27:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it happens.
27:25
SPEAKER_00: And it's gonna it's gonna be like crack the whip, you know.
27:29
SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be one of those things where some people are gonna get really hosed by it, and some people are gonna get even more trillions of dollars, apparently.
27:36
SPEAKER_00: But but the the the thing that I'm getting to is when we talk about reinventing self, we're really talking about giving yourself the uh understanding that your brain and your soul have this ability to self-heal if you allow it, if you empower it with the the Benedictine principles or with a deep sense of faith.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: But if you just come at it with this level of trust that what you have or what you need is what you already have.
28:09
SPEAKER_00: It's just a matter of letting that come out a little bit more.
28:13
SPEAKER_00: And it sounds like woo-woo crap.
28:15
SPEAKER_00: It really does to me, especially if you're if you're going through a tough time right now.
28:20
SPEAKER_00: It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:21
SPEAKER_00: But boy, oh boy, it is so critical, I think, to to go right where Mike said, right back down to the basics, start at the very, very, very, very beginning.
28:31
SPEAKER_00: And it's the same thing if you want to work out, it's the same thing if you want to learn a musical instrument, you know, or anything else.
28:37
SPEAKER_00: You've got to have that beginner's mind and start right back and and love that beginning experience, even if you've gone through it ten times before.
28:46
SPEAKER_00: But yeah.
28:47
SPEAKER_00: This is this is a huge problem in our world right now.
28:50
SPEAKER_02: You know, for me, sometimes when I'm in a little bit of a funk, I'll go back to the thing that that caused so much happiness, and that's writing a song.
28:59
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
29:00
SPEAKER_02: And uh and just going back to that, you know.
29:03
SPEAKER_02: It just boils it right down.
29:04
SPEAKER_02: It boils right back down to the the very beginning.
29:07
SPEAKER_02: The very beginning.
29:08
SPEAKER_02: Where you ever why ever want to do it.
29:10
SPEAKER_02: It's all about it was about words and melody.
29:13
SPEAKER_02: You know, it was always about that and how the importance of both of them.
29:16
SPEAKER_02: And and sometimes, even though you're in that place and you can even you're capable of writing about that, and sometimes that helps to get you out of that mode.
29:25
SPEAKER_02: When I was a kid growing up, I was grounded a lot.
29:28
SPEAKER_02: And when I say I was grounded a lot, I was always grounded, except for when I was playing sports.
29:33
SPEAKER_02: So I would keep sneaking out, going and playing club, you know, going play little joints, whatever it was, I did.
29:38
SPEAKER_02: I just did it because I said, well, and they said, How can you do this to us?
29:42
SPEAKER_02: Because you're grounded.
29:43
SPEAKER_02: I said, Well, I'm grounded for my entire high school career.
29:46
SPEAKER_02: So what's it matter?
29:48
SPEAKER_02: You know, and they they just didn't understand why I was going like, what's it matter?
29:50
SPEAKER_02: I'm sneaking out, I'm still grounded.
29:52
SPEAKER_02: You know, like and my mom would only leaf lift the ground when I wrote a song and came out and played it for her when I was in the room.
29:59
SPEAKER_02: And that didn't work.
30:01
SPEAKER_02: And then she grounded me at 22.
30:03
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Oh 22, you can't ground.
30:05
SPEAKER_02: So I wrote a song about it.
30:06
SPEAKER_02: Used to play it all the time.
30:08
SPEAKER_02: You know, I told the story.
30:09
SPEAKER_02: And uh, and so but but with all that said, that being grounded was a huge part of my my upbringing.
30:16
SPEAKER_02: But she, my mom was kind of smart enough to know that he's gonna write himself out of that room, and I'm gonna be and and that's what he's born to do.
30:24
SPEAKER_03: You know?
30:24
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
30:25
SPEAKER_02: It's interesting that as a parent, you could see the see see that.
30:30
SPEAKER_02: And when the my older brother, my, my, my, the second, my second, the second in line, my not my oldest, when they were going like, You're born to be a doctor, this is what you're gonna do.
30:40
SPEAKER_02: And took him a minute, and he became one of the greatest doctors ever.
30:43
SPEAKER_02: And and I just love, I'm so proud of him, you know, and and all he's accomplished.
30:47
SPEAKER_02: And but they knew that was gonna be, but that's a far-fetched difference between what I do and what he does, but they were equally as passionate for nurturing those things, nurturing those spirits.
30:59
SPEAKER_02: And you gotta realize as a doctor, my brother's been entrepreneurial, he's built surgical centers, and he's, you know, he's he's uh he goes out and speaks all over the place, and uh one thing leads to another.
31:11
SPEAKER_02: He's uh chairman of the Board of OUSAC, which is the you know, the the fundraising arm of St.
31:16
SPEAKER_02: Jude, and he's he works with the NBA and he's you know, and he's got his grimifus grizzlies, and there's all these things that he's done uh that that aren't just your description of being an orthopedic surgeon, right?
31:29
SPEAKER_02: And then he became chief of staff and he's running everything, right?
31:33
SPEAKER_02: So, so he grew up in this entrepreneur world.
31:36
SPEAKER_02: Uh, my buddy Joseph Teresena, Dr.
31:38
SPEAKER_02: Teresina, he's got an incredible, he grew up in the car business.
31:42
SPEAKER_02: Dad had the car car dealerships in town.
31:45
SPEAKER_02: And he has his his, you know, he's a dermatologist, and he's got this incredible clinic.
31:52
SPEAKER_02: But next to his clinic, when you walk out, you go through about face, and that's all of his personal things he's created for your face and your, you know, things to put on your body.
32:01
SPEAKER_02: And I know he's he's that's that entrepreneurial spirit that he had growing up that had to be something.
32:09
SPEAKER_02: And he didn't go work for somebody.
32:10
SPEAKER_02: He did for a minute, but he said, I gotta start my own business.
32:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
32:14
SPEAKER_02: So he's running his own clinic with all these employees and and all this stuff, just like his dad did, you know, except he doesn't have a service department.
32:23
SPEAKER_02: He's got a bowed face, he's got the, you know, the the dermatological dermatology, what do you call them?
32:31
SPEAKER_02: And and and all that.
32:32
SPEAKER_02: And and uh, it's incredible.
32:34
SPEAKER_02: And I credit Dr.
32:35
SPEAKER_02: Terracino with my youthfulness.
32:37
SPEAKER_02: Everybody goes.
32:38
SPEAKER_02: I was wondering what the hell it was.
32:40
SPEAKER_02: You smoke it in Gamaldehyde, and I go I gotta get I gotta get me some of that.
32:44
SPEAKER_02: It's just two words.
32:45
SPEAKER_02: It's two words in a lot of schools.
32:46
SPEAKER_02: It's called he's gotta get the gummies too.
32:50
SPEAKER_02: No gummies.
32:52
SPEAKER_02: No gummies.
32:52
SPEAKER_02: No gummies.
32:53
SPEAKER_02: No, you know, I do eat now, I do eat juju fruits, and I do eat nuts, and those are gummy enough for me.
33:00
SPEAKER_02: I'm a hot tamale guy.
33:03
SPEAKER_02: Listen, I like the extra hot tamales, but let me let me just say something.
33:06
SPEAKER_02: You guys are bringing up points about all of this that you become you there is a I'm watching all of my friends in every profession reinvent themselves.
33:17
SPEAKER_02: You have to every profession because something is changing in their world.
33:22
SPEAKER_02: And a lot of times it's one thing that changes in all our world, like AI, and we're all having to adapt to that right now.
33:29
SPEAKER_02: There's nobody that that's not touching, right?
33:31
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
33:32
SPEAKER_02: Right.
33:32
SPEAKER_02: In in a way, you know, like I I know certain things, but there's in most of the people that we know, AI is brought up because it's mattering in their work world.
33:42
SPEAKER_02: Right.
33:42
SPEAKER_02: And so and in their personal world, in their life, and how they're using it.
33:46
SPEAKER_00: But uh I just like I've got an example of a of a place for reinvention of self.
33:51
SPEAKER_00: Uh how about when you get married, right?
33:55
SPEAKER_00: So I think your marriage will succeed to the degree that you're willing to change who you are.
34:04
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.
34:05
SPEAKER_03: No question.
34:06
SPEAKER_00: No doubt.
34:06
SPEAKER_00: You come in and you're like, this is me, and I'm always gonna be me, and I you can only reinforce this.
34:11
SPEAKER_00: This this marriage ain't gonna last very long at all.
34:14
SPEAKER_00: And you can see it sometimes at the reception, you know.
34:19
SPEAKER_00: Well, that's a great point.
34:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I think it, I think that brings up a whole nother idea than this change, or I'll call it adaptability.
34:28
SPEAKER_01: Adaptability uh when when you're open enough to be adaptable and and to exercise adaptability, in many cases, and certainly Steve, in your case, for sure this has happened, you really you you begin to do that and you exceed relevance and impact.
34:47
SPEAKER_01: All of a sudden, things get more and more and bigger and better.
34:51
SPEAKER_01: And I mean, look what you do with your foundation, and you know, none of those things would have happened had you not been adaptable enough to move from a record label to your own record label, uh, and from your own record label to mentoring and doing some of the things that you do.
35:08
SPEAKER_01: All of those things have allowed you, that adaptability have allowed you now to really exceed any ideas that you might have had on relevance uh and impact versus you know where you really are today, because all of those things have you know really come together to help do that.
35:27
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's that's a really important aspect that people need to understand is that sometimes adaptability isn't something that you're doing just to survive.
35:39
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes adaptability is is is really doing something to create even greater impact.
35:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, that's a great, great point.
35:48
SPEAKER_02: And you know, it it makes me think.
35:50
SPEAKER_02: I started thinking about all the things that I'm doing, but they all make me happy.
35:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
35:55
SPEAKER_02: So they all they all fulfill me.
35:58
SPEAKER_02: And everybody goes, how are you jumping from this to then?
36:00
SPEAKER_02: I go, I don't, I don't see it that way.
36:02
SPEAKER_02: I see it as, oh, I get to go do my artisan resident thing at the school I went to and graduated, where my band really started to flourish and it blossomed out.
36:12
SPEAKER_02: Where I used to play basketball, and now in the in the gym, where it is one of the most world-class studios there are and compares to anything in Music City, and that's where I play basketball, and that's where we're teaching these kids.
36:23
SPEAKER_02: And I get to see these kids come in, and there's always one or two every year that shows up that is it's mind-boggling how they got it and how hard they work.
36:32
SPEAKER_02: And when I get to see these kids actually care enough that you see them grow month to month, year to year.
36:42
SPEAKER_02: And by the time they leave, you're going like, you're gonna be all right, you know?
36:46
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
36:46
SPEAKER_02: And so, and then you get to get to your foundation side, and I get to go to camp looking glass, and I get to see these autistic kids who have these music programs and the boys and girls clubs and the all the things and the scholarships and people writing saying that we can't thank you enough for our scholarships and and all that.
37:02
SPEAKER_02: And and that is my wife Gwen, talking about adapting and listening.
37:07
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that was one of the I don't start my foundation if Gwen doesn't make me, because I kept waiting for me to get big enough.
37:14
SPEAKER_02: There you go.
37:15
SPEAKER_02: Right.
37:15
SPEAKER_02: And I kept going, I'm not as big as Darius and Mark and them yet.
37:19
SPEAKER_02: I'm not there yet.
37:20
SPEAKER_02: And she goes, You may never get there.
37:22
SPEAKER_02: And I haven't gotten there.
37:23
SPEAKER_02: And and so, but what we have done is they've all come to my cherry event.
37:27
SPEAKER_02: Darius hadn't made it, but the other guys multiple times.
37:30
SPEAKER_02: And I've done theirs uh so many times, and I I continue to do it.
37:35
SPEAKER_02: And I think about I think about all that, and I think about what my life would have been without that.
37:42
SPEAKER_02: That you're talking about your purpose taking on a whole nother avenue of goodness and doing things.
37:49
SPEAKER_02: I needed that in my life to to to be able to, you know, counteract some of the stupidity and things and the times when I wasn't so nice.
37:58
SPEAKER_02: And the and the the things that I feel like I got a lot of making up to do.
38:02
SPEAKER_02: And when we see that and it matters, then we're going like, okay, that's a you know, that's that makes me feel good, and that makes up for the the the Steve that was a little bit way well, quite a bit more selfish.
38:15
SPEAKER_00: You know, also good self-awareness there.
38:18
SPEAKER_00: The other piece that I wanted to pull out of what you just said was so many times I found myself making a bad choice because to your to the point that you just made, I wasn't Darius, or I wasn't there yet, or I think I could do more.
38:35
SPEAKER_00: I need to be at another level before I can go do this good thing, or before I can be helpful, or before I can be whatever.
38:41
SPEAKER_00: And so I was always pushing it off, pushing it off.
38:43
SPEAKER_00: And this was a big part of my life where I was always the goal line was always moving for me.
38:49
SPEAKER_00: I never had a sense of real accomplishment.
38:52
SPEAKER_00: And it's just like, oh my gosh, it'll just sort of wear you out.
38:56
SPEAKER_00: But the the phrase is you know, what you want to do is you want to let go of this need to solve everything and to completely fix everything or to make everything perfect.
39:06
SPEAKER_00: And you need to embrace the potential of creating a comparative advantage.
39:12
SPEAKER_00: If by doing what you're doing and my helping six other people, yeah, then let's do that.
39:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, well, I'd rather help 60, but if I can help six, you know, let's help six.
39:23
SPEAKER_00: And I'll probably learn about how to help those 60 better by helping those six, right?
39:27
SPEAKER_02: And helping one, actually helping feels pretty dang good.
39:30
SPEAKER_02: There you go.
39:31
SPEAKER_02: There you go.
39:31
SPEAKER_02: And so this idea is that.
39:33
SPEAKER_02: It feels better than anything that we've ever done for ourselves.
39:36
unknown: Yes.
39:37
SPEAKER_02: But we do we do it for our we we get the we get the reward of that feeling you get.
39:42
unknown: Yep.
39:42
SPEAKER_02: And I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, but you know, this is a really great that we could have another whole show on because that really is triggering a lot of thoughts in my head right now, uh, that you probably neither one of you want to hear right now because you're gonna go enough.
39:57
SPEAKER_02: Enough from you.
39:58
SPEAKER_02: Enough.
39:59
SPEAKER_02: Randy, why don't you take us home now because it's that time?
40:02
SPEAKER_00: Yes, it is.
40:03
SPEAKER_00: It is.
40:04
SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, this idea of reinventing yourself doesn't mean that you're a bad person.
40:08
SPEAKER_00: It just means that you're awake in the world.
40:10
SPEAKER_00: And it means that you're looking at things and you're adjusting and adapting to the changes that are around you.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: And if you're not, then you're gonna begin to suffer and you're gonna it can be everything, and your body is gonna probably be telling you things along the way.
40:24
SPEAKER_00: This was Mike's experience, it's been my experience, and I'm sure with you too.
40:28
SPEAKER_00: When your body is the thing that finally says, hey buckaroo, you may want to do whatever you want to do, but I'm gonna tell you that ain't happening because you're so far out of balance.
40:37
SPEAKER_00: So I think when you talk about reinventing yourself, one of the first things you want to do is be aware of what's going on, pay attention to what's happening in your body.
40:45
SPEAKER_00: And then the second thing is realize that you know, you really can make small changes to yourself that can make a big change in the world.
40:53
SPEAKER_00: And so it doesn't have to be this, I need 28 years of therapy and I need to do, you know, go to sweat lodges and whatever.
41:00
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it can be as simple as just doing a little bit of self-reflection like you guys do every morning, right?
41:06
SPEAKER_00: It's that that sort of consistent, persistent shifting and changing that's gonna make the real difference in the long term.
41:13
SPEAKER_02: I think Mike Farrell wins the award for reinventing himself the most though.
41:18
SPEAKER_02: Because because uh because what just hearing there was there was a lot of casualty in his life, and I mean that emotionally and with everything everything happened that took him back to his roots, that that forced him back to his foundation of faith, and and look what's happened since.
41:39
SPEAKER_02: And that's the Mike and Mike that we love, Randy.
41:41
SPEAKER_00: So uh it's it would have taken down, you know.
41:47
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
41:49
SPEAKER_02: He stayed on that path, but that path was leading to to the end.
41:53
SPEAKER_00: So one more quick thought.
41:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
41:55
SPEAKER_00: I hope that whoever's listening to this is simply appreciative of the fact that you've got three guys talking for close to 40 minutes or whatever, and it's positive.
42:08
SPEAKER_00: We every single thing that we are bringing up, and it's not like we planned this, is about do the right thing.
42:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, bring good life to people around you.
42:17
SPEAKER_00: And I hope that you share this podcast, if only for the idea that we're saying optimistic, helpful, positive.
42:26
SPEAKER_02: There's a silver lining in it all, and that's called the blues, baby.
42:29
SPEAKER_02: You get all the people right now from desperation, right?
42:34
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
42:34
SPEAKER_02: And from hurt and pain, and they make you feel good about it somehow.
42:38
SPEAKER_02: And residentsleader.com is how you can find us.
42:42
SPEAKER_02: This is series three, episode two.
42:44
SPEAKER_02: Is that the best way of saying it?
42:45
SPEAKER_02: Series three, episode two, yeah.
42:47
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
42:47
SPEAKER_02: Uh and uh you can bring us in live for a conference.
42:50
SPEAKER_02: We'll come and bring the rock show to you, which will be very unique and interesting.
42:54
SPEAKER_02: And on behalf of my pals, the doctor, Randy Harrington, author, author as well, Mike the Mont Guy Farrell.
43:01
SPEAKER_02: I'm Steve Azar.
43:02
SPEAKER_02: We appreciate you guys follow us wherever you stream your podcasts.
43:05
SPEAKER_02: We appreciate you listening and allowing us to hang out for a third season.
43:09
SPEAKER_02: We'll see you later.
43:32
SPEAKER_02: Find us at resonance leader dot com.