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The One Thing EVERYONE Needs In Order To Survive A Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're talking about the one thing that everybody that's
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  trying to leave a narcissist or a touched relationship needs.
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  There's one thing that you have to have in order to get away and
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  stay away or if you stayed in it to survive until you can leave
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  or whatever you whatever choices you make.
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  Hey, if you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Code. Let's get it.
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  So boom, welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back yes
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  y'all this one thing that you need in order to survive a toxic
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  relationship dynamic or to leave and stay away you every like.
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  I don't normally speak in absolutes.
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  Y'all know I don't speak in absolutes, but everybody needs
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  this and it's discipline. You need this one word.
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  It starts with AD Don't don't, don't let your mind start
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  wondering. I know how y'all get.
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  Don't let your mind start wandering off to the gutter.
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  Starts with AD It's discipline right?
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  Before we hop into today's episode too deeply, make sure if
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  you haven't already, check out my kids book on Amazon.
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  It's called Remember It's not your fault.
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  It's to help your kids understand toxic relationship
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  dynamics. Telling the truth, loving their
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  body, loving themselves and things like this Conversation
• 1:31
  starters available on Amazon. Remember, it's not your fault.
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  I'll leave right here. But yes, y'all narcissist to
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  leave a narcissist to survive or to stay whatever choice you make
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  right? Because I and I'll be real.
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  I used to be one of the people who just tell everybody to leave
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  everybody you need to leave leave, leave, leave, leave,
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  leave, leave. But I understand that in order
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  to leave, that's something that you have to want to do, right?
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  Nobody can tell you to do it. You have to want to do it.
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  Or you'll just continue to go back and forth, right?
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  You just continue to go back and forth, back and forth, back and
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  forth. You won't stay away from the
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  relationship. You'll just continue the back
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  and forth dynamic. So in order to get away from
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  this, you have to, you know, in, in order, in essence, you need
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  that discipline now. You absolutely do.
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  And I know people going to say, well, you've, you've, you've
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  done a video about discipline before.
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  Yes, I have to reiterate it. I have to repeat myself.
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  You need this, you absolute yeah, you absolutely,
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  positively, positively positive, absolutely, positively need
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  this. You have to have the discipline
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  to say no, the discipline to set a boundary, the discipline to
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  not pick up the phone call, to discipline to not entertain a
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  conversation outside of the kids.
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  The discipline to keep those boundaries in place and to just
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  protect yourself and to stay as strong as you possibly can.
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  Yeah, you, you have to have this.
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  The discipline to not sleep with them again, the discipline to
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  not have another damn baby with them.
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  The discipline to protect your peace and protect your children
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  at the same time. You have to have discipline.
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  You have to, you know, if you if you do not have any discipline,
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  you cannot win. You cannot win unless this
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  person somehow gets carted off to jail or carted off to jail or
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  something along those lines. You cannot win or they are
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  alive, right. Unless something happened to
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  him, like, you know, don't for me it unless something happens
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  to him in that in that aspect of things, you cannot win.
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  Y'all believe it's not all about wins and losses?
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  Yeah, Yeah. What if it is?
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  What is it? You want to keep catching ales,
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  You want to keep losing. Is that, is that what you want?
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  Is that really what you want? You really want to keep losing?
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  You know what I'm saying? So you have to have the
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  discipline in order to power yourself up, in order to stay
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  away from this person, in order to ignite yourself, to just be
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  as strong as you possibly can. You have to have that
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  discipline. Yeah, I'm telling you.
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  I'm telling you. I know you need it.
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  I know it's tough. It's tough when you've been with
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  this person, the discipline to say no to them, the discipline
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  to not answer that phone call at 9:30 at night because you know
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  what they want the discipline to not respond to that you up
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  message at not at at 1:00 AM. They know you like if you up
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  what the hell they doing text you at 1:00.
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  They're not texting you about paying the rent tomorrow or
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  paying the mortgage or the water bill.
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  They text texting you about those cheeks.
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  They want some cheeks. 1:30 in the morning.
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  Thing about this ain't about the kids.
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  I I want to just check in on the kids.
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  Not a hell you didn't. Yeah, I know I joke a lot.
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  Yeah, but this got this. Not you know, the jokes are part
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  of my channel, right? The the, the, the comedy, the
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  humor, the levity is part of my channel.
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  What makes my channel my channel, right.
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  But I on a serious note, if you don't have discipline, you could
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  absolutely lose your life. There's so many people out there
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  in the world that have left a toxic relationship dynamic and
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  thought, thought that they were done for good, went back into it
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  and lost their life because a toxic narcissist, the person
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  decided that they were not they. If they can't have you, no one
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  will, right the discipline to call the damn police if you need
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  to be, if you need to right the discipline to just continue to
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  do it. I know it's very tough to, to,
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  to, to, to practice this right here to practice what you preach
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  and a preach with your practice, right?
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  The discipline is necessary because if you don't have this,
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  you're going to lose. I promise you.
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  Narcissistic people hate boundaries.
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  I think that we all can understand that, right?
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  Most narcissists hate boundaries.
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  They just want to run over top of you.
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  They want to abuse you, use you, be done with you immediately,
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  but you have the power to empower yourself to stay away.
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  And that's why you're saying the discipline.
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  Part of discipline is being able to ask for help as well.
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  Y'all, y'all don't know? I do run a community.
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  It's called the mental illness. I have a support group where
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  people share their stories, people connect, people make
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  friends, people share what they're going through.
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  People, instead of sending that message that instead of breaking
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  no contact and sending that message to your abusive ex, you
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  put it into the group and people just say, hey, look, thanks for
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  sharing that. It's called the mental illness.
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  You can find more information there for it at
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  mentalillness.net. But this is what it's all about
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  right here, y'all, It really is. So as you're moving forward, as
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  you're trying to heal, as you're trying to grow, this is the type
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  of stuff that you need to understand that you have to have
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  this. There's no no contact.
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  There is no not responding. There is no keeping about the
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  kids. There is no just setting
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  boundaries and keeping those boundaries.
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  There's none of that without having the discipline to follow
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  through with it. And they just keep it up.
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  Narcissistic people don't want you to be disciplined, right?
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  They want to. They don't want to be
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  disciplined in the stuff that's going to empower you.
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  They don't want you to be disciplined in the stuff that's
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  going to empower you to survive them and the stuff that's going
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  to empower you to leave them, the stuff that's going to
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  empower you to stay away from them.
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  They don't want that type of empowerment for you.
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  They want to be, they want to discipline you in the stuff
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  that's going to benefit them. They want to discipline you,
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  get, you get you more discipline in the stuff that they're going
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  to see a direct benefit from. That's the type of stuff that
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  they're going to try to be disciplined in stuff that
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  benefits them directly. So I, I say this to say this,
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  what, what makes it so difficult?
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  And this is a question you have to ask yourself, right?
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  What makes it so difficult to, to, to follow through with
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  certain things, right? What makes it so difficult to
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  follow through and to keep up what you have going on, right?
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  What makes it so difficult, right?
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  Because like, if you look up the word discipline, I was always
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  Googling right now, it says the practice of training people to
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  obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to
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  correct disobedience. So that's when they're going
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  towards you, right? That's what, that's the, that's
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  how the narcissistic person tries to discipline you.
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  They try to get you to obey them with the threats of violence,
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  the threats of being alone, the threats of taking the kid, the
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  threats of nobody else is going to want you.
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  The threats of further furthering abuse, the threats of
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  financial abuse, the threats, you know, that's how they get
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  you to this. That's how they discipline you,
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  right? That's how they discipline you
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  on the other things right here, right, right.
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  It's just in these spaces right here.
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  This is the situation, you know, that type of discipline works
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  for the narcissist. That's how they want to
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  discipline you. They want to discipline you to
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  obey them, right? That's like, that's literally
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  how it goes right here. But the definition of discipline
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  that you want is orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of
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  behavior. That's you.
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  That's what you want. That's the type you want right
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  there. Orderly.
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  Is it orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior?
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  You want to get to the point where just say no contact.
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  It's part of your everyday routine.
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  Now it's become a pattern of you not responding unless it's about
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  the kids. Is a part of your routine
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  controlling your reactions is a part of your routine because
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  they're trying to discipline you to react.
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  You had to have the discipline to not to react.
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  You see what I'm saying? It's just kind of like
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  discipline versus discipline. They're trying to discipline you
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  and you're trying to stay disciplined in your own mindset,
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  in your own mentality. So as you're moving forward,
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  this is the type of stuff that you really have to just
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  reconcile with yourself that they're going to be continue to
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  do this type of stuff because there's a direct benefit in it
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  for them. If they can get you to consist
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  consistently react to their abuse and whatnot, they can get
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  you to react to her to their abuse.
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  They can, they really can record you, they can out you, they can
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  expose you. They can do this type of stuff.
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  They can paint the image of you being the abuser, of you being
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  crazy. And there are, yeah, there are
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  so many people out there right now.
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  They have charges pressed on them because they were reacting
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  to something the narcissistic person did.
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  The narcissist set you up, The narcissistic person poked you,
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  poked you, poked you. You had a reactive abuse moment.
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  You reacted, you might have screamed at them, you might have
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  threw something at them, you might have threw a shoe at them,
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  you might have punched something beside them.
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  And they guess what happens? You go to jail.
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  You have a record out. I guess what the narcissistic
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  person benefits directly from that.
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  So as you're moving forward, as you're trying to heal, you have
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  to do this. Like I said, even if you, even
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  if you haven't left here or you're not trying to leave, you
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  have to have the discipline in your relationship space to just
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  not react to them anyway. Or, or, or depending on who you
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  are, depending on what your situation is.
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  Sometimes you can. Yeah.
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  I don't know. You know, I understand being
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  passive and stuff like that and to protect your peace, but
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  sometimes you got to have a way to stand up for yourself, right?
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  You know, I'm not talking about getting face to face with them,
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  going nose to nose with them. So what would you say?
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  What'd you say to me? I ain't saying do that, right?
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  I'm saying find a way to stand up for yourself.
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  Sometimes walking away when they're trying to yell and
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  screaming at you to de escalate the situation.
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  That's you standing up for yourself.
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  They expect you to sit right there and take it, right?
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  Of course, use discretion because sometimes if they're
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  yelling and screaming at you and you turn and walk away to give
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  yourself some space, they might hit you in the back of the head
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  or push you on the ground, you know?
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  So use discretion and protect yourself.
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  Be say, yeah, it's always, always, always safety first.
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  I tell people you, I have to preach safety first because if
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  you don't have that safety dynamic, then you're going to
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  like they're going to get you. I promise you they are.
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  They're going to manipulate you, they're going to abuse you.
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  They're going to use you. They're going to do a lot of
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  different things in this, in this mentality to keep you right
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  where you are because they benefit directly from it.
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  They benefit directly from it. They benefit from having you
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  disciplined to obey them. Don't bring it up, don't share.
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  Don't share what's going on in our relationship with your
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  friends and family members. Why you tell your mom what
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  happened, but you tell your daddy what's going on, why you
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  do this, why you do that. They will always try to
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  consistently convince you that you are being the problem.
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  That like you sharing your story, you sharing your abuse is
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  problematic. You exposing them for what they
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  have actually done. Like this is not me saying that
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  you made this up. You, if you're exposing them for
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  something that they have actually done, that's it's a,
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  that's them trying to discipline you, to shut the hell up about
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  it. They try to convince you that
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  nobody is going to care about you, that nobody's going to
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  believe you because they have such a good reputation or
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  whatever the case may be. Yeah, you have to protect
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  yourself. You need to have that.
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  You need to be disciplined in this space to not pick up the
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  phone when you're when you're feeling sad, when you're feeling
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  lonely or something comes on TV that reminds you of them.
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  You got an inside joke to you that you want to share with
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  them. There's a meme you just came up
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  across a video you know that they will laugh at.
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  You have to have the discipline to not send that.
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  Send it to me, send it to your friend, send it to somebody,
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  right? This what tell you, you have to
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  absolutely lock in. You have to lock in because if
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  you don't lock in, you gonna get you might get locked up, you
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  know, and also be there's so many people that are so unhappy
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  in their relationships, but they can't leave.
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  They don't want to leave whatever the situation is,
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  right? It's just like you have to find
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  some peace inside of your relationship if it's possible,
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  because if it's if it if at all possible sometimes, yeah, you
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  have you have a torturous partner that's out here trying
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  to torture you, trying to hurt you, trying to harm you.
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  They're out here trying to intentionally be disingenuous,
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  intentionally ruin your life, intentionally do a lot of
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  different stuff. So you have to protect yourself.
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  You have to protect your peace. Because if you don't, I'm just
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  telling you, if you do not, you're going to end up sad to
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  say, Oh, you're going to end up lonely.
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  You're going to be in a mad to say like you if you have kids
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  you can't like this is my one of my beliefs.
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  I feel like you can't give your kids 100% if you're unhappy, if
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  you're a if you're a constant constantly paranoid or you're
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  constantly sad or you're constantly not worried.
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  You don't know what type what version of this person you're
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  going to get. I feel like this is very, very
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  difficult to do, but believe we do give 100%.
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  Is it 100% of what you have to offer?
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  You see what I'm saying? It's the difference between
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  giving them 100% of what you have and 100% of who you are,
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  right? Because 100% of what I have, if
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  I just had this little bottle right here and it was filled up
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  right here, it's filled up to this much.
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  If I poured it out to you, if I gave it to you, I gave you 100%
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  of what I had in here. But the bottle is not full.
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  The bottle is not 100% full, but I did give you 100% of what I
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  had. I only have 4 pills.
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  I gave you 4 pills, so that's 100% of what I had.
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  But this one fits 100 pills. You see what I'm saying?
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  It's caffeine y'all and whatnot. So this is the stuff you have to
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  protect yourself against. Y'all I, I'm rooting for y'all
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  know I'll be rooting for y'all. I want y'all to win.
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  That's why I do these videos. You know, that's why we come
• 14:58
  into Atlanta, Atlanta, GA here pretty soon for our, our next
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  workshop is in Atlanta, GA, probably sometime in March.
• 15:04
  Atlanta, GA will come your way, then North Carolina, then St.
• 15:07
  I think it'll be in Saint Louis in April, so Saint Louis in
• 15:10
  April. So watch out for Saint Louis.
• 15:12
  But anyway, y'all coaching courses, everything about me you
• 15:15
  can find at mentalillness.net like and subscribe for more and
• 15:18
  as always y'all as always been doing this is out.
• 15:20
  Peace what's going on beautiful folks.
• 15:22
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video I truly
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  appreciate it. You have no idea if you haven't
• 15:27
  already hit that subscribe button.
• 15:29
  You made it this far, you might as well subscribe it really does
• 15:33
  help the channel y'all helps me reach more people as well.
• 15:36
  Also, I have coaching my courses and my support group available
• 15:39
  at www.mentalillness.net. Thank you so much.
• 15:43
  Make sure you stick around, watch another video or two.
• 15:45
  I appreciate it. I'm out.