Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 2 - Episode 326 - Unsolicited advice

Transcript

Season 2 - Episode 326 - Unsolicited advice · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

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  Welcome to the Good Morning From the Chicken Coop Podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and mastermind set
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  coach. Filled with inspiration,
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  distinctions, perspectives, and possibilities, we help you to
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  cultivate a mindset that leads you to create the best version
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  of yourself you could ever imagine.
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  Join Kim every morning from one of her favorite happy places,
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  her chicken coop, along with all her chickens.
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  Hey everybody, good morning from the chicken coop.
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  OK, We are talking about unsolicited advice from people
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  that you just did not even see it coming.
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  You did not want it. You did not ask for it.
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  You did not see it. This is all predicated on a
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  conversation that I had with a dear friend of mine who just
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  went to a big event, very excited to go, couldn't wait to
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  go, had been you know planning it for months and months and
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  months. Goes to this event and she's at
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  an evening, a relaxed evening with a group of people.
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  And this woman who claims to be a Yogi, claims to be a coach,
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  claims to be very self aware from her titles, all of a sudden
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  starts talking to my dear friend and also a client and says I
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  need you to take a breath, I need you to blank, blank, blank.
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  And she's giving her all these directions in the midst of all
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  these other women sitting around and listening to her.
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  Now I am a very, very, very big proponent of not coaching people
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  unless they ask for it. Because if you don't ask for it,
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  you don't want it, You're not going to listen anyway and
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  there's no point in putting somebody in an uncomfortable
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  position. From my my side of the aisle,
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  I'm not going to make somebody uncomfortable if they don't want
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  to be uncomfortable. And I certainly would never do
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  that in public. I don't even yell at my children
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  in public. I mean, I when I would get upset
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  with my kids when they were very small, I would always lean down
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  and whisper in their ear. I would never humiliate somebody
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  like that, least off an adult who's out having fun for the
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  first time in a long time. But back to this part of the
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  story. So this unsolicited advice comes
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  at her. She doesn't expect it, and it
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  wipes her out because she's just having fun.
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  She's someone who's filled with energy to begin with, but nobody
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  else was having a problem with it.
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  Nobody else was doing anything. It was just this woman, and this
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  woman decided that she was going to use her as an example for all
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  these other people. Now the story gets even more
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  convoluted because everybody else that was sitting there
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  didn't say to this woman, hey, you know, let's just back off
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  because right now in this world, we can't do that.
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  When we do those things, we're afraid we're going to get called
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  out from people because hey, everybody's allowed to be
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  whoever they want to be right now.
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  But when somebody is being hurt and someone's being victimized
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  by somebody else's attention when they did not ask for it and
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  they're coaching when they did not ask for it, it is completely
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  unacceptable. So, one, why are we talking
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  about this? So if you have this happen and
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  you are put into this situation where someone is coming at you
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  and they are trying to influence you, tell you something and you
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  didn't ask for it. I am telling you right now me
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  because you're here and I know if you're here I can tell you
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  these things. The very first thing you need to
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  do when you start to feel the twingy uncomfortableness, it is
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  in your best interest to say I appreciate your feedback and I
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  this is not a time where I choose to have it.
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  It is OK to say I appreciate your feedback and it is OK.
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  I don't want it right now. It is not something I want to
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  discuss right now. This is not something I want to
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  do in public. If you don't want to use the
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  words, I appreciate your feedback because you don't.
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  That is a softener that I'm giving you.
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  If it was me and someone did that to me, I would say, listen,
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  I understand that you want to give this feedback to me because
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  I do understand that this person would want to give it to me.
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  However, I'm not open to your feedback right now and that
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  would shut them down in two seconds.
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  And I've had this happen because of the world that I come from.
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  In self development, there's lots of unsolicited advice that
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  comes out at people and when it's unsolicited it is toxic
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  because they're so unaware. And I want you to hear this
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  piece more than anything. If you didn't ask for it and
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  they are so unaware that they are giving it, unless you are in
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  a dire situation where you are an absolute ready for death,
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  like you need to go to rehab, it's unsolicited.
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  Someone's coming at you to save your life.
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  If it is not life saving, then you have every single right to
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  not listen to that advice if you choose, because it is not
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  something that they are putting in the right perspective, the
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  right column of saying I first have to meet somebody where they
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  are and I have to ask now it is a hardcore cold rule of coaching
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  that people that come to you, you always have to ask.
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  So are you open to my feedback? Are you giving me permission to
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  coach you? And when you do that you now
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  have a whole different arena to play in.
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  But if that did not take place, you have every bit of of
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  permission from me, anybody. I mean, as a as a coach who's
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  done this forever. Shut it down.
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  Because one, you're helping that person become a better coach,
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  essentially because you're telling them they have to learn
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  their boundaries. And two, you're protecting
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  yourself. So remember, protecting yourself
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  is the most important thing. OK, my friends, I will see you
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  tomorrow. I hope you have a wonderful,
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  blessed day. And don't take on that
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  unsolicited advice. Bye.