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Sober Talk SA - Roman · Sober Talk SA

• 0:00
  Welcome to sober talk. I'm Dennis and I've lived
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  experience of alcohol. If you or anyone you know is
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  struggling with alcohol, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on
• 0:10
  1300 double 22222 or check out their website on aa.org dot AU.
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  I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
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  Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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  fellowship of men and women who share their experience,
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  strengthen up with each other. They must solve their come
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  problems and help others to recover from alcoholism.
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  The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop
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  drinking. There are no dues of fees for
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  AIR membership. We are self supporting through
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  our own contributions. AIR is not allied with any sex
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  denomination, politics, organization or institution.
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  Does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses or
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  oppose any causes. Our primary purpose is steer
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  someone help other Alcoholics achieve sobriety.
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  I'm an alcoholic. My story started like with just
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  about most of the Alcoholics I know, you know, around 1415.
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  I, I lived in a, in a family, which was, you know, ordinary.
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  That's probably the best description.
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  You know, parents did what they could, gave me love and in their
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  own way, maybe fathers kind of gave it didn't couldn't show it
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  enough. But, you know, I didn't have a
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  really, really reason to feel, you know, that I don't fit, you
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  know, because that, that was the, that was the problem when I
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  arrived from the start, as long as I remember, I never feel, I
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  never felt comfortable with other people.
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  When I discovered alcohol around 15, I guess I've, I've, I've
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  felt like that's, you know, after drinking.
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  I felt like that's the way I should be all the time.
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  You know, unfortunately I only felt like that when I drunk.
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  So I drank a lot. I drank a lot and whenever I
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  could, you know, once I moved out of the house, you know, then
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  there was no restrictions. I could drink seven days a week
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  and I had two or three weeks benders and, and things kind of
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  subside a little bit. Once I, once I migrated to
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  Australia was when I was 26, I discovered pot and that kind of,
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  I guess, well, it was just another addition.
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  It was another, another medicine, you know, in inverted
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  commas to, to fix my mind, you know, to stop being tormented by
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  my own brain. I, I sort of, you know, felt
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  like I could stop at any time, you know, right through the,
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  the, the, in the early days and, and I did, you know, there,
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  there were, there were periods I didn't drink.
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  But, you know, I've, I've never, I never knew what was wrong with
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  me. I, you know, I've tried various
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  solutions, you know, doctors and psychologists, psychiatrists.
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  I, I've, I've, you know, I, I've tried suicide.
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  I've went in been in psychiatric hospital.
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  It was, you know, there was always no matter, you know, how,
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  how well I was doing and I, you know, I was done surprisingly
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  well in professionally. I had a family, I had three
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  kids. You know, on a surface it, it
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  looked like, you know, I was doing a ride, but inside I was a
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  mess right through, through my whole life.
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  And, and that caught up with me. You know, that caught up me with
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  me in the mid 50s when when I my marriage fall apart and and I
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  started drinking full time, stopped doing my my profession,
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  you know, which I loved. I and I locked myself at home,
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  picked up the, you know, job, which didn't require much
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  thinking. You know, it just gave me the
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  cash to, to keep drinking every day, you know, seven days a
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  week. And at the beginning I was
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  saying to myself always because, you know, marriage fell apart
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  and, and, and that, that was my, my excuse at that time.
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  And I, I was making promises myself because I had lived with
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  my ex for, for three years under the same roof till our youngest
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  child, youngest child left home after, you know, doing
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  university. And that, that was the deal.
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  And, and that was horrible because, you know, I, I stayed
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  under the same roof, which the person which I felt at that time
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  was the, the reasons of, for my downfall.
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  And, you know, because at that time, you know, when I was
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  drinking, right through my life, I was always blaming, you know,
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  everything and everybody, people I've worked with, you know, my,
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  my wife, you know, my parents, you know, I was digging in the
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  past and my father was responsible.
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  I was, you know, blinking the whole world.
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  But I didn't, you know, for my, for the way I felt.
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  But I've never looked, look at myself, you know, But yeah.
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  So that three years were really, really kind of where I really
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  slipped really deep into drinking.
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  And then she moved out and I, and that was the deadline when
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  I'm supposed to be stopping drinking.
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  And the deadline passed and I kept drinking and, and got to
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  the point that, you know, I made a trial, trial stops.
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  I would stop for a week, I'd stop for three days.
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  I'd stop for two days. And then and then, you know, it
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  was drinking, drinking. You know, I'd make a promise
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  myself tonight. I'll make a promise myself in
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  the morning. And but by afternoon I'll be
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  drinking again. And I knew I can't stop
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  drinking. So I can't stop drinking.
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  I got to the point that I knew that this is it, that there is
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  no power, that I have no power to stop myself drinking.
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  And that's when when I realized I reached end of the road, you
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  know, I reached that there was no hope.
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  You know, I, I knew it was just a matter of time when I will,
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  you know, either develop the health problems or, you know, I
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  didn't even, I didn't even had the opportunity of I didn't even
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  have that choice of killing myself anymore because I tried
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  that in the past and I failed, you know, like I felt like I
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  failed all my life and, and I was just, you know, I was just
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  waiting there. This was basically a waiting
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  game, drinking and waiting to, to see the end, you know, and,
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  and AA, the AAII look at the website, you know, I look at it
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  more out of curiosity, I guess at the time.
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  I look at the AA website and I did the questionnaire there and
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  I, I, I came on top of the class, you know, I had a high
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  score. I had a really high score.
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  And, and I thought, well, I'll give it a shot.
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  I'll go to the meeting. I found a local meeting
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  Saturday. I went to the meeting.
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  I've heard, you know, I've heard a few shares.
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  And then when my time came, I said, hi, I'm Roman.
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  I think I'm an alcoholic. So on that first day, something
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  happened. You know, I still can't say what
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  happened. You know, I, there was a meeting
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  the next day. I went there and I then I, I
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  said I'm a Roman. I'm an alcoholic.
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  I knew, I knew that I'm, I am like I, that I am like the
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  people who were at the time in those rooms.
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  You know what? I've heard the stories.
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  I was identified with those stories, you know, they were the
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  their stories was my story, you know, in one way or another.
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  And, and that was the beginning of the miracle.
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  You know, I felt, I feel so exhilarated.
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  You know, I, I, I made the commitment very early in my
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  sobriety, you know, that I will, I will, I will believe that I
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  will unconditionally surrender myself to a, a, you know, and I
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  would, I was coming back to that, that promise, you know,
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  because, because the, the miracle of, of sobriety, you
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  know, which which happened to me.
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  You know, I, I allow me to believe in a, a, you know,
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  unconditionally and, and that must challenge a lot, you know,
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  in various, in various meetings and in, in various shares, you
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  know, by the members where people did challenge, did
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  challenge IA, you know, but I, I learned very quickly that that
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  that challenge is, it was just immature sobriety.
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  I think on behalf of the, of those people, you know, because
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  I, for me, the IA is for me. I work, right.
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  So I, I, I can't question it. You know, I've got to follow it
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  to the T and still staying at the beginning, you know, the
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  beginning, the beginning beginning was fantastic.
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  You know, I can't remember. I think it was about four or
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  five months. I was, I was in such a high, you
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  know, because all of a sudden I, I got my whole back, you know, I
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  got my life back, you know, I, I didn't have a headache, you
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  know, I started feeling healthy. I started eating healthy,
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  sleeping healthy and, and it felt like, you know, the job
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  been done. You know, I, I'm, I'm cured,
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  right? I'm, I'm released from the
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  bondage of alcohol, but after this, this, this, this initial
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  excitement, I realise that this is just the beginning of the
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  journey that, that there's a lot of ahead of me to, to sort out.
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  And, and, and the longer I'm sobered, the, the more there is
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  a head, you know, to sort out. But it's a sort of like, you
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  know, I'm treating that, that, that work like some, I'm not
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  questioning it. For me, it's like brushing the
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  teeth. I don't question it, right?
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  It's there. It's part of my life now.
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  I remember somebody saying that in the meetings that, you know,
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  if you were, if I was diagnosed with, with terminal disease,
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  right, and I would have to, you know, go for the procedure every
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  day to the hospital, Would I choose to do that or would I or
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  would I not right. And I know in my, in my on, on
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  my part, the answer would be yes, I will choose that
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  procedure, right? So a, a is like that procedure
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  for me. You know, if I stop doing a, a,
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  I'm going to die. I know that, you know, I had, I
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  had tastes of it during COVID where, you know, I've, I've,
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  I've distanced myself from, from, from a, a for one reason
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  or another, no live meetings, etcetera.
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  And I felt how, how my sobriety is, is, is shrinking.
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  It's disappearing. You know, likely the, the live
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  meeting came back and, and, you know, took me a couple of couple
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  of months to crawl back to where I left off.
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  You know, and I'm doing this recording at the end of, of the
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  another step in, in, in my sobriety.
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  I, I'm finishing the, I'm at the end of the big tagalong or those
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  are actually two or three tagalongs, but plus couple of
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  rallies. And, and I took off on that on
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  that trip because I knew I, I need to take my, my involvement
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  and my work in, in a, a, a step further.
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  You know, I felt that doing meetings because you know, I, I
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  normally do at least 5 to 6 meetings a week and I realized
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  that that I can't delay doing the real work.
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  You know, steps I'm by that I mean steps because you know, I,
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  I always knew that steps is a call of, of this program, but I
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  was looking for excuses not to do it.
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  You know, I didn't want to give it away my control, the control
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  of of, of, of my life, you know, of the world, you know which
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  knowing, you know, I, I, I know I failed controlling my life,
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  but I still, my ego is still is still insisting that it can, can
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  control my life and the life of everybody and everything around
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  me. It's still so strong.
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  So in, in my sobriety through the, you know, long period of
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  what, four years, 4 1/2 years, I was looking for excuses not to
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  do the steps. You know what I was
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  concentrating on in I was looking in other people's chair
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  for the excuse not to do it, right?
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  So I was, I was, I was feeling like I'm off the hook when I
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  heard that, you know, somebody, you know, done steps after four
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  years or five years or six years or whatever, right?
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  I've seen there's an excuse for me not to do it and, and allow
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  me to procrastinate. But but I, I, I reached the
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  point before this, this trip, I did that I felt I, I was missing
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  something. I, I knew I need, I need to do
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  more work. And I, I've started and I've
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  started in this tagalong and on tagalong people at the beginning
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  were sharing and, and saying how, how much it changed their
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  lives on the previous ideologues.
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  They, they went on, I thought, I, you know, I find it hard to
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  believe at the beginning, you know, it was all how the, the
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  bit of a holidays and with, with some sharing with AI members can
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  change my life. But, but now two months down the
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  track, I realized that this, this massive submerge in, in a
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  a, you know, 24/7, talking to the members, you know, having
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  impromptu meetings and doing meetings, doing rallies really,
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  really made the shift in, in, in, in, in my work in, in a, a,
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  you know, I'm now, I now have a sponsor.
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  I'm just about to, to, to start doing step four and, and I
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  believe that that I'm progressing, you know, that I'm
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  progressing onto the level where I should be, you know, I should
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  be to, to solidify, you know, to solidify my, my sobriety.
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  That's, that's, that's basically what it's about.
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  You know, I, I feel that I, I was lucky.
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  I was lucky that I, that I got to this point and I didn't bust,
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  you know, because I know how weak I am still how, how still
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  my ego is ruling my, you know, my thinking and my actions.
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  I still haven't given, given myself and my soul to the higher
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  power, whatever it is, you know, I'm still working out on that
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  concept of, of higher power. But I know by the end of the 12
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  steps, I will refine it and I know that I will, that higher
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  power will, will start playing the big role in my life because
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  at the moment I submit myself to it.
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  I, I found the higher power early, early in the peace, but
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  it is kind of intellectualized. It's it's not, it's you know, I,
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  I, it's, I didn't, I, I don't made the shift on a spiritual
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  level and and and I know I've got to go on my knees and I
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  could simply go on my knees and take it off, right.
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  I've done it. I went underneath.
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  I, I pray to higher power, but I know it would be wouldn't be
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  honest. You know, I know that I still
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  deep down don't want don't want to give away control, but
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  knowing enough about the steps and knowing that, you know, if
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  I, if I honestly and with the with the full trust in in in the
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  program, if I do those steps, I will take it no job.
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  You know, I will, I will refine the higher power.
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  I will stop, you know, living on the sort of old, old software,
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  you know, I will get loaded with the new ideas, with the new, new
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  concepts, how to live. And I will actually follow up on
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  that, you know, because right from the start, right from the
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  start, when I, when I got sober, everything, what, what I
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  received all the, all the suggestions, you know, how
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  initially when, you know, I had problems with, with, with
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  cravings and, and you know, all the suggestions which I got from
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  the members, from the shares, it all worked.
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  You know, everything which I, what I've adopted in my life
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  worked. And I know and I know that that
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  if I adopt 12 steps to its full extent, it, it, yeah, it will
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  take me into, into a higher gear in a, a All in all, I, I, I'm so
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  grateful to to be on the, on the, on the journey, you know,
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  in a, a, you know, because it's, you know, you, you I've been
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  hearing the best is yet to come. You know, this slogan.
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  I love slogans at the beginning. I still love them.
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  You know, the best is yet to come.
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  And it does, you know, it's like I'm asking myself, wow, is that,
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  you know, like is that can get any better.
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  But it does, you know, the next day it does better, you know,
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  there's something else happens and it does get better.
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  You know, in my sobriety, I, I did bit of travelling, you know,
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  and, and the way I, when I used to travel, I, you know, I used
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  to get to know the, the countries and places through,
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  through the prism of, of the local pub, you know, or local
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  watering hole. That's the first place.
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  I would I would search for right now when I travel, I search for
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  a a meetings. Yeah, I'm I'm my my origins are
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  Polish. You know, I I lived in Poland.
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  I went to Poland when I was about 6 months sober, still
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  quite fragile in my sobriety. But you know what, going there
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  and start speaking Polish again after whatever 35 or 40 years of
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  of not doing it was a little bit daunting.
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  But you know, a few minutes into the meeting, I knew I'm back in
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  the with the family, you know, with the family and you know,
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  visiting the sun God forsaken little village close to our
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  Ukrainian border and meeting with the local members there and
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  being, you know, welcomed with the open arms like we know we
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  knew each other our whole lives. You know, it was so beautiful.
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  And the same thing happened when I went on holidays to Bali, you
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  know, meeting with people there all over the place, you know,
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  whatever, like I on this, on this tag along.
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  We, we, we've been travelling in the, in the, in the back of, of,
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  of back of Burke, so to speak. And you know, in small towns and
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  you meet locals there and again, you walk in, you shake hands
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  and, and you feel like you know them, like you always knew them.
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  You know, you know that they speak your language and they
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  know that they understand you. They, they understand, you know,
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  what pain you've been through and what challenges we might
• 21:56
  still face even now being sober. You know, and I, I, I was asking
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  myself, you know, what the, you know, in early days, what the
• 22:08
  long term sober members get from the person like me, You know
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  what I mean? Somebody who's been sober for
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  30-40 years, what do they get out of me?
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  You know, but, but I understand now, you know, it's, it's, you
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  know, alcoholism is the disease which, which will never leave
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  me, you know, and, and I need to hear the, hear the stories of
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  newcomers. So I'm, I'm vigilant, you know,
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  I don't get, I can, I don't get, settle on laurels and feel that,
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  you know, I've done it because, because it's a, it's a endless
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  Rd. you know, it's somewhere, it's a road which I'll have to
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  follow till I die. And, and guess what?
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  You know, I'm, I'm really happy to follow that road because my
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  life is so stable now, even when there is, you know, stuff going
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  on around me. I am, I'm like a sheep, you
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  know, with a good stabilizing system, you know, that
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  stabilizing system is, is the a, a, you know, it'll, it'll let me
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  go through one of the storms. I, I, I sailed through it.
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  I'm, I'm coming up on the coming out on the other hand and
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  unscathed. You know what I mean?
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  I, I'm, I'm learning to live, you know, and learning to take
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  whatever life brings my way. I don't let it to destroy my
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  life, you know, like it did in the past.
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  And and I I'm not destroying my life.
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  You know, I'm not I'm not creating stories.
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  You know, I'm not fantasizing about the future.
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  You know, I'm not lamenting about the past.
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  I'm more and more the longer I'm in the system in the in the
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  system, the longer I'm in a A the the more, the more I feel
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  stable, the more I feel like I I know how to do life.
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  Yeah. I I am very grateful member of
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  of AAI. I'm I'm so grateful that I I
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  don't know that I'll ever be able to to repay a a you know,
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  the the deaths, which which you know, and what I received for
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  from a a but and that you know that that is going to come.
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  You know, the service because the service is is is such a big
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  part. I, I know I've got to throw
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  myself into in deeper, you know, to fully, fully be part of a a
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  So I'm very grateful. Thank you.
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  We have local meetings for the full week in the local area.
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  Monday is Gala meeting at 8:00. Tuesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00.
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  Wednesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00.
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  Thursday is 2 Wells at 8:00 and Friday Salisbury at 8:00.
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  There's a meeting at Devron Park at 12:00 and on Sunday there's a
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  maintenance Salisbury at 7:00 and many of the meetings in the
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  area. For details of your local
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  meetings, please phone 1300 double 22222.
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  And once again, if anyone you know is struggling with alcohol
• 25:27
  issues, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on 13 under 222222 The
• 25:34
  website isaasa.org dot AU.