Latest / feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell / how to talk about your feelings

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how to talk about your feelings · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  Have you ever been asked, hey how are you and without even
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  thinking said I'm fine when in reality you are definitely not
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  fine? I know I've been there.
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  But why do we do that? Why do we feel the need to lie
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  and protect others from how we really feel?
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  What if holding that in is doing more harm than good?
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  Today we're going to talk about something that most of us are
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  guilty of avoiding, talking about our feelings and why,
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  despite how hard it can be, it's one of the best things we can do
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  for our mental health, our relationships and overall for
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  the health of our social circles.
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  My name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to Feel Your
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  Feelings. Before we dive into this topic,
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  I want to remind you I'm not a doctor, not a psychiatrist, and
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  not a professional in the mental health industry at all.
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  I'm a normal guy who, like you, has felt some big feelings and
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  wants to start the conversation about mental health.
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  As you may know, I host this podcast, but I also make music
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  that is centered around mental health.
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  And almost every day I get messages telling me that my
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  music helps people put their feelings into words.
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  So this genuinely got me thinking, What makes it so hard
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  to put our feelings into words? Why do we struggle with that so
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  much? I know I struggled for years and
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  music was finally the outlet that allowed me to put my
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  feelings into words as well. I'm so grateful to have that to
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  share with some of you. But the truth is, many of us
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  never learned how to talk about our emotions.
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  We may have been taught what they were, how they affected us,
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  but when it comes to actually vocalizing our feelings and
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  struggles, many of us fall flat, myself included.
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  The reasons for this may vary, but there's a few I can identify
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  right now. The first being that there's a
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  stigma around vulnerability. For years, society has sent us a
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  message that being vulnerable, especially when it comes to
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  emotions, is a sign of weakness. This goes way back to outdated
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  viewpoints, such as the idea that men shouldn't cry and need
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  to just man up, or that women need to stay composed and
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  ladylike, or that people in general aren't supposed to show
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  emotions. These outdated viewpoints have
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  translated into more modern ideas that sharing your feelings
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  is dramatic, that you'll be too much for your friends, that it's
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  all in your head. All of these ideas are very
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  toxic for our mental health. They're woven so deeply into our
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  society that even as the mental health awareness movement grows,
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  we are still lacking real conversations about our
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  feelings. We lack the ability to be honest
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  about how we're feeling, to tell people that we need space or
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  time to heal and get better. It's easier to lie than let them
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  in. Another reason we struggle to
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  talk to others is because of the culture of fixing instead of
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  listening. We live in a world that yearns
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  for quick solutions and fixes for everything, but with mental
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  health there is no get better quick scheme.
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  It can feel frustrating and even demeaning to receive quick
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  casual fixes for deep rooted issues.
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  It's exhausting to open up to someone just to get told you
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  haven't done the obvious. This can drive us away from
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  talking to others as this cycle is emotionally difficult to
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  engage in. Wishing to be listened to, but
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  instead having casual, disinterested solutions tossed
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  our way feels like we are talking to a brick wall.
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  And even if we don't face that brick wall, we may be scared of
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  judgement from others. After all, feelings are not a
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  common topic of conversation. So what if they judge me?
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  What if they think that I'm too much or that my feelings are odd
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  or unusual? What if they don't understand
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  me? A culmination of all of these
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  causes can lead us to keep it all inside.
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  After all, it seems easier to just bottle it up than face
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  potential vulnerability, judgement, or disinterest.
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  However, when we suppress our emotions, we stunt our emotional
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  growth. Although it feels like we're
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  avoiding conflict or stress, we're actually creating a
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  ticking time bomb inside. Suppressed feelings don't just
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  go away, they fester. Research shows that when you
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  don't express your feelings, it can lead to increased anxiety,
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  depression and stress. Emotional suppression has been
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  linked to higher risks of developing chronic mental health
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  issues over time. It can also lead to long term
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  physical health issues. When you keep your feelings to
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  yourself, your body feels it too.
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  You may experience headaches, digestive issues, insomnia and
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  fatigue. Your mind and body physically
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  manifests the feelings that you're experiencing and without
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  any form of release, you'll go into fight or flight, constantly
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  holding in stress, being anxious, unable to identify what
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  exactly you're feeling. Not talking about your feelings
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  can also place barriers within your relationships.
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  We can't all read each other's minds, and when we don't
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  communicate, it often leads to misunderstandings, frustrations,
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  or resentments. By not opening up, we can end up
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  feeling more isolated, which reinforces an unhealthy idea
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  that we should just deal with everything on our own.
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  The truth is, relationships thrive on openness and
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  vulnerability, relationships with others and your
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  relationship with yourself. By being open and honest with
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  your feelings, you develop more emotional intelligence, which
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  increases your confidence in what you feel.
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  It allows you to be more honest with yourself and respect your
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  own boundaries. It is crucial that we start
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  having open and healthy conversations about our emotions
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  with others. So how can we move in that
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  direction? I recommend that you start small
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  and build trust. Although I'm all about open
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  honesty, sometimes we need to build up trust with a person
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  before we get deep into emotional communication.
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  It's good to ensure that somebody won't betray that trust
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  or be disinterested entirely. Start by sharing small moments
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  of emotional vulnerability. It could be as simple as I've
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  been feeling a little bit off lately, or I've had a lot on my
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  mind. These small openings could pave
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  the way for a deeper conversation in the future.
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  It can also identify people who just aren't in a place to have
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  communication like that, who aren't in a place to have that
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  level of emotional connection in their friendships or
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  relationships. But before you can take that
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  path to a deeper conversation, you also have to understand your
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  feelings yourself. This is where the relationship
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  with yourself that I mentioned earlier comes into play.
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  Start with some self reflection. Take time every day to check in
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  with yourself. You could journal, meditate, or
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  literally just sit quietly without distractions to help you
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  identify what's really going on below the surface.
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  The more comfortable you get being alone with your own
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  thoughts and feelings, the easier it'll be to share them
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  once you've developed this trust and understanding.
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  Timing and environment also matters when opening up to
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  others. We have to keep in mind that the
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  other person also could be going through something or may not
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  have the emotional capacity to have a conversation about
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  feelings and emotions. By making sure the other person
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  is also in a receptive state of mind, you ensure that both of
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  you are fully present in the conversation.
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  Don't force this to happen. Allow yourself to learn more
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  about yourself, develop the connection with the other
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  person, and move in a direction where your relationships are
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  more full of free, open, honest conversations.
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  By normalizing these kinds of conversations, we not only help
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  ourselves by alleviating some of the stress and pain that
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  feelings can bring, but we also help others by normalizing this
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  kind of talk. Feelings should never be taboo.
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  We should all work towards a world where we can talk, be
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  honest, and allow our feelings to exist.
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  You are not abnormal for having feelings, and neither is anyone
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  else around you. So let's practice talking about
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  and feeling our feelings. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. Thank you so much for being
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  here. If you need help feeling your
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  feelings, you should check out my music on all platforms under
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  the name of Ethan Jewel and I almost guarantee it'll make you
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  cry. Also, please shoot me a message
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  on my Instagram at Jewel Boy with an I under score and let me
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  know what you thought about today's episode.
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  So thank you so much for being here.
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  Thank you for having a real honest conversation with me
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  about feelings. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.