Latest / The Comeback Career Podcast with Fexingo: Returning After a Gap, Stay-at-Home Re-Entry / How to Rebuild Professional Confidence After a Career Gap
Transcript
- Lucas: So there's this woman named Grace — she was a marketing manager at a mid-sized consumer goods company, left to raise twins, and six years later she's trying to get back in. Luna: That's a pretty common story on this show. What made Grace's case stick with you? Lucas: Because she told me something honest: she knew her resume was solid. She'd kept up with digital marketing through Coursera, she'd done freelance social media for her local PTA. The skills were there. Luna: But the confidence wasn't. Lucas: Exactly. She said — and I'm paraphrasing — 'I know I can do the job. But I don't feel like I can do the job.' That gap between competence and confidence is the subject of today. Luna: That gap is real. I've heard it from so many returners. It's not about lacking skills — it's about lacking proof that the skills still count. Lucas: Right. And research backs this up. Harvard Business Review published a study a few years ago looking at re-entering professionals — mostly women, but some men too — and they found that after a gap of two years or more, self-assessed confidence drops by about 30 percent on average. Luna: Thirty percent. That's huge. Lucas: It is. But here's the interesting part: when employers evaluated the same candidates, they didn't see a 30 percent drop in competence. They saw maybe a 5 to 10 percent dip in polish — things like familiarity with current software — but they also saw maturity, focus, and lower turnover risk. Luna: So the confidence gap is mostly internal. It's not reflecting reality. Lucas: That's the good news. The bad news is that feeling — that doubt — can still sabotage an interview or a first week on the job if you don't address it. So what do you do? Grace found a technique she called 'confidence scaffolding.' Luna: Confidence scaffolding — I like that. What does it involve? Lucas: She built a small portfolio of recent work, even if it wasn't paid. For example, she took one of her old campaigns and rewrote the strategy using current tools — like HubSpot and Canva — and then she shared it with a former colleague for feedback. Luna: So she created concrete evidence that her skills were current. Lucas: Right. Each piece of feedback — 'this looks great, Grace' — was like a scaffold plank. Then she stacked them. Over a month, she collected six positive validations from peers. She told me that by the time she had her first interview, she had a folder of proof. Luna: That's smart. It changes the internal narrative from 'I hope I can still do this' to 'here's evidence that I can.' Lucas: Exactly. And there's a second part — what she called the 'pre-game warm-up.' Luna: Okay, I'm taking notes. Lucas: Before any networking call or interview, she would spend fifteen minutes doing three things. First, she'd read over her portfolio folder — just scroll through the positive comments. Second, she'd write down three specific accomplishments from her previous work, with numbers. Third, she'd listen to a song that made her feel confident — for her it was 'Brave' by Sara Bareilles. Luna: That's almost like an athlete's pre-game ritual. It primes the brain. Lucas: Exactly. And she said it worked. She went into interviews feeling more like herself — not a former version of herself, but the current capable version. She got a job offer within six weeks. Luna: That's amazing. So the scaffolding gave her proof, the warm-up gave her mindset. Lucas: Right. And I think there's a third piece that's harder to talk about: accepting that some anxiety is normal and not a signal of incompetence. Luna: Yeah. I mean, even people who never took a gap feel nervous starting a new role. Lucas: Exactly. A friend of mine who's a therapist says that we often misinterpret anxiety as evidence that we're not ready. But anxiety is just your brain's way of saying 'this matters.' It's not a verdict on your ability. Luna: That reframing is huge. If you can tell yourself 'I'm nervous because this is important, not because I can't do it' — that alone changes the game. Lucas: And here's a specific number from that Harvard Business Review study I mentioned: returners who used some form of confidence scaffolding — whether it was a portfolio, a mentor's feedback, or a skills refresher course — were 40 percent more likely to land a role within three months compared to those who didn't. Luna: Forty percent. That's not a small edge. Lucas: No. And the beauty is that most of these scaffolds are free. The time investment is the biggest cost. But if you're serious about coming back, those hours are the best investment you can make. Luna: And I would add — don't go it alone. Grace had a former colleague she trusted. That accountability and external validation is part of the scaffolding. Lucas: Great point. So if you're listening and you're in that place — you know you have the skills but you don't feel it — start small. Pick one project, finish it, show someone. That's the first plank. And if today's episode helped you think through that process, honestly, if it was worth a coffee to you, the link is buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's how we keep this show ad-free and focused on what actually works. Luna: Yeah, listener support really does make a difference. And we appreciate it. Lucas: So back to Grace — she's been in her new role for about eight months now. I checked in with her last week. She said the first month was still hard. But by month three, she felt like she belonged. And now she's mentoring other returners. Luna: That's the full arc — from doubter to mentor. That's the goal. Lucas: Right. And it starts with that first small piece of evidence. So if you're on the fence, pick one thing today. Rebuild that scaffold. Luna: And remember, the gap is in your head more than in your skills. You've got this.