Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Whenever you miss the narcissist WATCH THIS!

Transcript

Whenever you miss the narcissist WATCH THIS! · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people?
• 0:02
  Today we're. Just going to be.
• 0:03
  Making a video for you to come back and check in on when you
• 0:06
  are missing that narcissistic person.
• 0:08
  This is it right here. If you knew here, my name is Lee
• 0:10
  Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
• 0:12
  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
• 0:13
  of The Narcissist Code. So welcome back.
• 0:33
  Welcome back. Welcome back.
• 0:34
  Yes, y'all. This is it.
• 0:36
  This is it. Whenever you are missing that
• 0:38
  narcissistic person, this is the video for you to come back and
• 0:41
  check in. Now this is the.
• 0:42
  Video that you. Need right here to just be like
• 0:45
  OK, thanks for that video late because I absolutely needed it
• 0:48
  because. What do you miss about that?
• 0:51
  Because I feel like whenever you feel.
• 0:52
  Like you're missing that toxic, narcissistic person.
• 0:55
  Ask yourself that question, what do I actually?
• 0:58
  Miss about this person? What am I missing about this
• 1:02
  relationship? What am I?
• 1:03
  Missing like. What is it that I that?
• 1:06
  I am lacking. Right now, what is going on in
• 1:08
  my life right now that had me has me.
• 1:10
  Missing this person. I'm not saying there's anything
• 1:12
  wrong with missing. The toxic, narcissistic person
• 1:15
  in your life, right? I'm not saying that there's
• 1:16
  anything. Wrong with that this is.
• 1:17
  This is actually understandable to miss.
• 1:20
  Someone you spent time with to miss.
• 1:22
  Someone that you share. A big part of your life with.
• 1:25
  It's understandable to miss that person, but it's not.
• 1:28
  OK, to allow that person back into your life without any type
• 1:31
  of consistent change behaviours or a game plan of action.
• 1:35
  They're actually already. Doing there's not.
• 1:37
  You know there's not based on you.
• 1:39
  Staying with. Them.
• 1:39
  It's not based on you being in their life, you know?
• 1:43
  A lot of people. Ask me to look at you.
• 1:44
  But like you leave, But but you did it.
• 1:46
  You made it. You did this right here.
• 1:48
  And what? So what?
• 1:49
  What can I do? What can I?
• 1:50
  What can I do to help me? Why can't we give our person a
• 1:52
  chance now? What are your person?
• 1:54
  What are what are they committed to doing?
• 1:56
  What have they been? What commitment?
• 1:59
  Have you seen them made? What have you seen them be?
• 2:01
  Consistent with. In their life with other than
• 2:05
  treating you a certain type of way.
• 2:06
  What have they been consistent with?
• 2:09
  You know, other than being bad to you, consistently bad to you,
• 2:12
  you know there. Might be.
• 2:13
  Some good times, but they've been consistently bad to you,
• 2:15
  which has you. Watching this video which has
• 2:17
  you breaking up with them. Which has you not in a
• 2:18
  relationship with them right now, right?
• 2:20
  So ask yourself the question, what have they been consistent
• 2:23
  with that is not beneficial to them.
• 2:26
  There is no way, shape or form beneficial to them.
• 2:29
  I know because a lot of people, when I ask them that question,
• 2:31
  they automatically go to something like Will they be
• 2:33
  consistent? With the gym.
• 2:34
  They consistently. Go play basketball.
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  They consistently go play golf. They consistently go have
• 2:38
  mimosas with the girls. They consistently go out to do,
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  you know, get many panties, whatever it is they consistently
• 2:44
  they're doing this they're doing.
• 2:45
  They're consistent with making themselves.
• 2:47
  Happy. And that right there is a
• 2:49
  consistent theme. They're consistent with theme.
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  They're consistent with themselves.
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  They're consistent when it comes to them, right?
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  Because that's what that's the most important thing.
• 2:58
  To most narcissists. Is themselves so in this phase
• 3:01
  right there. So what had he be consistent
• 3:03
  with other that that's beneficial to other people,
• 3:07
  beneficial to you, that they don't benefit from it all?
• 3:10
  And most people don't have an answer to that.
• 3:12
  You know, most people don't have an answer to that.
• 3:14
  What? What do they what have they done
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  to work on themselves before you give them another chance?
• 3:18
  What have they done to actually work on themselves?
• 3:20
  I don't, Yeah. I don't care about the words.
• 3:23
  I don't care about the words. I'm going to therapy.
• 3:24
  I'm sorry for everything. Yeah, those don't matter.
• 3:28
  Those don't matter. How many times?
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  How many times are you going to allow them to get away with
• 3:31
  saying this same stuff over and over again?
• 3:34
  How many times are they going to be able to say the same things?
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  Over and over again. Oh, I'm sorry for everything I
• 3:39
  didn't know. That would hurt you.
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  I wasn't. Wasn't my.
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  Intent to hurt you? I missed what we had.
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  I'm going. To go work with myself, I
• 3:45
  promise I'm. Going to do better, I'm going to
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  change. Like what?
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  How many times have you let them get away with that?
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  You know you have enough. You have enough evidence.
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  Press. Charges on them.
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  You know I'm not talking. About real charges, like real
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  life jail charges. I'm.
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  I'm not talking. I'm not.
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  Talking about that right there, y'all, I'm not talking about
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  real life jail charges. I'm talking about like the
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  relationship charges. Like you keep dropping the
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  charge, you drop the charges. When you.
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  Let them back. In the house.
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  You know when you move back in with them, when you take them
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  back in a in a relationship, when you call off the separation
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  or call off the divorce? It would not.
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  That's what you That's what you're.
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  Doing right there you're dropping the the relationship
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  charges against them. You know, they, yeah, they got a
• 4:22
  clean. Slate right now.
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  So ask yourself, what have they been consistent with?
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  You think that you think this person is going to go to therapy
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  for the rest of their life? You know, that's what I'm doing.
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  I'm going to therapy for the rest of my life.
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  Is this person going to go to therapy for the rest of their
• 4:36
  life? You know, and be even if they do
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  go up to therapy, are they going to be consistent and honest with
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  it? Are they going to be vulnerable
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  with it? Are they going to be open with
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  it? What are they going to be doing?
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  What are they doing? Are they going to be doing
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  anything in the therapist office?
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  Other than talking. About you blaming?
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  You tell me how they got here. Because that's the only way it.
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  Works. They have to go to therapy.
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  And talk about themselves to work on themselves, taking
• 5:01
  accountability for their. Actions, have they?
• 5:02
  Actually taken accountability. I'm.
• 5:04
  Sorry for everything. It's not taking accountability.
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  Y'all, I'm sorry to tell you, Dad.
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  But it's not taking accountability.
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  I'm sorry I hurt you. What?
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  The hell does that mean hurt you?
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  How did you hurt me? True apologies require
• 5:16
  specificity. They require genuine remorse and
• 5:20
  a plan of action. To not do it again.
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  To not let it happen again. I'm sorry I cheated though You I
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  never. Meant to.
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  Hurt you what? The So what the you think
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  cheating was going to do? What do you think you cheating
• 5:29
  on me was going to do? What do you think you lying to
• 5:31
  me about having a job was going to do?
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  What do you think? What do you think about getting
• 5:34
  fired? What do you think that how
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  you're doing You weren't trying to hurt me but you you did
• 5:39
  repeatedly thought yeah, that's what I'm saying.
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  Y'all, when you miss them, watch this video and ask yourself
• 5:45
  those questions right there. Ask yourself the question like
• 5:48
  what would be the reward of going back into of breaking no
• 5:52
  contact and talking to these people?
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  I know you might be hurting right now, I.
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  Know you might be sad as hell right now.
• 5:57
  But what's the reward you're going to get when you if you
• 6:00
  pick the phone up and call it? If you respond to that message
• 6:03
  from that fake page, they. Created what?
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  What reward are you? Going to receive in this
• 6:09
  situation right here. Ask yourself.
• 6:12
  Those are questions. You need to ask yourself what is
• 6:14
  the reward that you're going to receive by doing this, by
• 6:17
  saying. This by going.
• 6:18
  In this direction. What reward are you going to
• 6:21
  receive? What's the What's?
• 6:22
  The game plan. Well, my kids, the families back
• 6:25
  together, the the, the, the, the unstable unhappy families back
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  together because the studies have shown that kids do better
• 6:32
  in separate households with both parents or if they if they kids
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  do better. In separate households.
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  Than they do in a 2. Parent Household.
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  That's that's toxic as hell. I'm not calling you toxic, I'm
• 6:43
  just saying the household is toxic if you have an abusive
• 6:45
  parent in there. That's 100.
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  That's surrounding kids 100% of the time.
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  It's almost impossible for them to get into that situation.
• 6:54
  Right there, it's. Almost impossible.
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  For that to happen. It really is.
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  So when you're dealing with toxic, narcissistic people, this
• 7:01
  is one of the things that you have to consider.
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  This is one of the things that you have to fight with right
• 7:06
  here. It's a mindset thing.
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  It's a delimit that a lot of people face that don't
• 7:11
  understand it. You know, there's a this is like
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  I say, understand that you matter more.
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  I know they treated you a certain type of way at the
• 7:18
  beginning. They.
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  They always do. You they.
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  Almost always treat you good in the.
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  Beginning like. When you're remembering the good
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  times, where the good times really real.
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  Because that's why I have to ask people Were the good times
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  really real, or were you imagining them being real?
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  Because? They felt so.
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  Good, because if they were a fake person in the beginning, if
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  they were fake with you, if they were not, if they were not being
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  upfront and honest with you and real with you, then what is this
• 7:42
  situation? What What is?
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  What is going on right here there?
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  If they were not being real with you upfront, then how the hell
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  are things supposed to get like if they were not being real?
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  Their their real. Authentic selves upfront.
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  Then Were the good times at the beginning actually real?
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  You know, I asked the question. Were you ever really happy?
• 8:00
  With this person. If they were not their true
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  selves in the beginning, I know a lot of you, I think you were
• 8:05
  happy. Yeah, yeah, I was happy to
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  begin. It was great.
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  And I'm not saying you couldn't be happy.
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  I'm just this is a question to make you ask you.
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  This is a question to help you from going back if they were not
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  being real and how, how could I be happy?
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  So many people don't seem to understand that.
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  They were not being a real. Person then how can I actually
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  be happy? Pardon the Interruption, just
• 8:23
  want to let you know that I do have courses and support groups
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  available as well. Courses to help you understand
• 8:28
  what you went through and support groups to help you
• 8:30
  during or after the toxic relationship.
• 8:32
  Link in the description and back to the video.
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  Just think about that right there.
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  Think about that. What are you missing from this
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  person right now? In this.
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  Space right? Now what did they give you that
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  nobody else can give you and you?
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  Yourself can't give you. What is going on right there
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  this is these are questions that you have.
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  To ask yourself. These are absolute.
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  Questions that you have to ask yourself in this situation.
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  To be able to fight forward, to be able to keep moving forward.
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  To be able. To empower yourself.
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  And to keep, you know, to have everything going forward for
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  you. This is how it goes.
• 9:04
  This is part of it right here. Y'all.
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  This is absolutely the situation that so many.
• 9:08
  People go into like I'm. Going to break no contact.
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  Why? Why do you want to break no
• 9:13
  contact? Did you miss them?
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  Because it's going to feel good? Like it might feel good to break
• 9:16
  no contact, to hear their voice or whatever.
• 9:18
  But you're going to feel worse when you hang that phone up.
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  Or after you hit the after you hit that send button.
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  You're going to feel worse after you've been no contact for a
• 9:25
  day, two days, a week, a month, a year.
• 9:27
  You're going to feel so bad when you send that message, you hit,
• 9:30
  you hit that dial button and then they pick up, or you hear
• 9:33
  their voice, or they respond or you see red on the read
• 9:35
  receipts. It says red.
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  Red at 2:00. Red at 1:25 PM you got your
• 9:40
  heart going to drop. You going to regret it When you
• 9:43
  break no contact, you're going to regret it.
• 9:46
  And you can be so mad you're going to beat yourself up that
• 9:48
  you're going to keep doing things that make you sad because
• 9:51
  you feel guilty about breaking no contact.
• 9:53
  You're going to keep doing it. You're going to start.
• 9:55
  That's why they call it a shame. Spiral.
• 9:58
  You're going to start to spin when you do one thing that makes
• 10:00
  you ashamed. You're going to start doing more
• 10:02
  things that make you ashamed to cover it up, to make you feel
• 10:04
  better or you just like, well, I did it, now I might as well keep
• 10:07
  doing it. You're going to be spinning out
• 10:09
  of. Control.
• 10:10
  Spinning right back into the toxic relationship.
• 10:11
  Spinning right back in there, getting your cheeks clapped you,
• 10:14
  You'll be spinning right back into a space that you don't
• 10:16
  really want to be in. So that's why I tell.
• 10:18
  People where where you are. Right now you are stronger than
• 10:20
  you need. You have to be.
• 10:22
  You are the. Strongest person you are you.
• 10:23
  Can be you have to empower. Yourself.
• 10:26
  In this situation, to be who you are, to be who you want to be,
• 10:30
  to stay away from this person if you so choose.
• 10:33
  Like I say, if you go back into it, ask, ask.
• 10:36
  Ask yourself. This question right here what's
• 10:38
  the bigger risk? Going back into a toxic
• 10:40
  relationship where you've. Given somebody 56789101112
• 10:44
  chances to change or? Choosing yourself.
• 10:46
  Betting. Betting on?
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  Yourself. Going out here and trying to
• 10:49
  make. Yourself happy What's the?
• 10:51
  Bigger risk. Some people would say, well, the
• 10:52
  bigger risk is going to be being on my own.
• 10:54
  I'm scared. It's understandable.
• 10:55
  I understand that. But the the bigger risk to a lot
• 10:58
  of people is wasting time. Because I don't.
• 11:00
  I don't consider it a waste of time if you didn't know what you
• 11:03
  were dealing with. But once the the the goggles
• 11:05
  come off and you know who you're dealing with, you know who this
• 11:07
  person really is, then it becomes a waste of time.
• 11:09
  So how much time do you have to waste?
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  How much time do you have to waste with this person?
• 11:13
  How many chances they are you going to give them?
• 11:15
  How many chances would they give you?
• 11:18
  Because it's never, it's never. It's never equal in these.
• 11:21
  Situations it's like. You are giving, giving, giving,
• 11:22
  giving. And all they're doing is taking
• 11:24
  more chances. Taking, taking, taking.
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  That's all they're doing. So that's what I'm just telling
• 11:28
  you right now. You have to choose.
• 11:31
  Well, they have somebody. I understand.
• 11:33
  It's it's pressure. It's pressure to live a good
• 11:36
  life or a great life where it's pressure to go back and do
• 11:38
  toxicity and be unhappy. The chances of unhappiness of
• 11:41
  going back, It's pressure. Pressure makes diamonds or
• 11:45
  pressure bust pipes or you can be the pipe or the diamond.
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  It's going to be the diamonds Overlooked diamonds are just
• 11:53
  cracked it there. Inbreakable.
• 11:55
  Unbreakable. You know.
• 11:56
  But pipes you'll be able to leaky pipe busting.
• 11:59
  You need to be replaced. A lot of healing to do you see
• 12:01
  what I'm saying? Anyways, y'all thank you for.
• 12:05
  Tuning into another episode, make sure you like this channel
• 12:07
  if you haven't already subscribed to the channel.
• 12:09
  If you haven't already, I appreciate every single one of
• 12:11
  y'all. Watch this video if any time you
• 12:13
  need to. Admit to him this is out peace.
• 12:16
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 12:18
  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
• 12:20
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 12:22
  to the channel helps. Reach more people and click on
• 12:24
  the screen to watch another video or to browse through
• 12:26
  another playlist. There's also a link on the
• 12:28
  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 12:31
  you. Heal and understand.
• 12:32
  What you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 12:34
  I will see you in the next video.
• 12:35
  Peace.