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Master Your Nervous System: From Snowflakes to Unbreakable · The Diva Details

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Welcome to the Diva D-Town. Welcome to the Diva D-Town.
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Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real, and powerful.
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No filters, no limits.
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Just fearless conversations to help you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva Mia. Diva D-Town.
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Hi, this is Diva Mia, and today I wanted to talk to you a little bit about creating
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stability with your nervous system.
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Before I get started on that, I did want to let you know that we are going to
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be bringing on guest speakers from our audience as well.
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So if you have something that you have a question about, every once in a while
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we're going to select somebody from our listening audience and talk to them too.
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If you want to be on the podcast, feel free to write in to me.
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It doesn't matter if you're male or female.
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If it's an idea that works, we may just pull you on.
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Getting back to the power of the nervous system, I think one thing we need to
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realize is that regulating our nervous system is very important.
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If your nervous system is in fight or flight mode and you're stressed and constantly
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on the go, that's going to add to sleep problems.
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It's going to add to higher levels of stress.
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If they don't regulate their nervous system when things happen to them,
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they don't know how to handle it because their parents were always there to
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regulate their nervous system for them. The parents were always there to spoil them.
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Don't worry about it. You can just stay on your phone or you don't have to do
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chores. You don't have to help out.
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When they get out in the real world and they actually have to go to work,
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they need a safe space because someone said their shoes were ugly or disagreed
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with them in a meeting and they can't control their nervous system.
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We're building a generation of people like this.
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You see it where there's people that are throwing fits. when the littlest thing
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happens they can't be challenged with the question the thing about the charlie
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kirk thing that was so amazing is you would see charlie kirk ask people questions
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and some of them would have mental breakdowns because they were challenged or questioned they have
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emotional issues. They are so used to everyone telling them how to behave,
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telling them what to do. They can't think for themselves.
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When they do have to think for themselves, they have a nervous system that goes
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into overdrive. It's fight or flight just because they have to do things themselves.
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It's when you learn how to regulate your parasympathetic nervous system and
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you can recharge yourself and you don't allow things to impact you.
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Like, for instance, you get into traffic and someone cuts you off.
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If you're the type of person that screams and yells at them,
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you're not regulating your nervous system.
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I know there's a lot of road rage people out there, but you need to really work
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on that because that's self-control.
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People that are able to regulate their nervous system, you're going to find
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they are more successful than other people. They tend to grow faster.
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They tend to be able to handle situations that are challenging and easier because
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they don't let little things get to them.
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When you can control your self-regulation of your nervous system,
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you're in more control of yourself. You're less dramatic.
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You don't let little things impact you. Some people get so upset because somebody
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complained about their bag or their clothes.
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Some people get so upset because someone made a bad statement online or maybe
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made a comment online that hurt their feelings.
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I'm going to have to say this nicely. Get over it.
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You've got to get over it. You're a snowflake.
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You're going to need to learn to self-regulate because you may have grown up
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in a way that didn't allow you to self-regulate.
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So now is the time to learn. If you don't self-regulate, if you don't.
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Get back into a rest, restore type of parasympathetic nervous system,
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and you let your sympathetic fight or flight take over, what's going to happen
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is you're going to develop chronic stress.
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Now, chronic stress can happen because you're in a terrible situation,
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but chronic stress will lead to inflammation.
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It's going to lead to disease. It's going to lead to autoimmunes and hormonal
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imbalances. You're going to gain weight.
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Your physical health is going to go to crap, to put it nicely.
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Once your physical health goes, typically what happens next is your mental health
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goes at the same time or right along with it. You'll have anxiety.
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You're going to have depression where other people would let things go,
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but you're going to dwell on it.
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When you dwell on it and you don't look at things logically and reasonably,
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you can go into serious depression.
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You'll find that maybe you're more of an inclined to be an alcoholic.
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You're more addicted to substances.
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You're more addicted to porn because you can't regulate your nervous system.
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You're more likely to be impulsive, like if something happens,
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you've got to buy it, or if something happens, you've got to go for it.
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You also react to everything emotionally. You could throw a fit because you
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saw somebody looking at birds in the park.
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And now you're a national joke because your name is Karen.
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So those are types of people that don't have good mental health.
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If you don't know how to regulate your nervous system and you've been spoiled
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your whole life, that leads to mental disorders such as schizophrenia.
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It leads to mental breakdown because your mind can only process so much.
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When we're spoiling our children, when we're doing everything for our children,
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not having them do chores, not having them learn as they are younger,
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we're really doing a disservice to our children and helping cause mental illness.
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I am a firm believer that this leads to mental illness.
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We are teaching men to be weak. We are trying to change our natural genders
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and our natural roles in life into something that's causing mental health issues.
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And then on top of it, we are...
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Chopping up children and telling them they should be something
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different because they have been told to follow the
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adults and the adults are saying oh you're eight years old you're a
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tomboy you should change your sex to be a boy that is messing the children up
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hormonally and it totally screws up their nervous system and when they get older
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they have mental issues let alone the hormones that got jacked into them that
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weren't normal remember we are causing the mental health breakdown in our society.
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Remember, you are in control of your nervous system and you have to go out there.
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And you have to face challenges in order to regulate it. I'm not saying go out
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there and jump out of a plane because you're afraid of heights.
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I'm not saying that at all.
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I'm saying do baby steps and get out there and grow.
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We only grow by doing things that we haven't done before. If you do the exact
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same thing every day, you're not growing. You're just being consistent.
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You need to grow and do things that are challenging to challenge your nervous
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system, not to shock it. But when you get into a relationship with somebody
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that self-regulates their nervous system, you're going to notice they're calmer.
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There's emotional safety there. There's no drama.
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They don't fight with you over silly, insignificant things. It's just comfortable.
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It's kind of a little boring, comfortable, but it's okay, though,
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because you have enough going on in your life, probably with work and everything
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else, that you don't need the crazy. There's so much crazy out there right now.
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I've seen it in the media, and I've seen it on TV, and I've seen it just with
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people driving around, yelling at people driving.
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Self-regulation is so very important, but you only get there if you focus on it.
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Without self-regulation, disease is right around the corner.
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As children, we learn how to self-regulate from our parents when they make us sleep in our own bed.
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We learn how to self-regulate as children when we fall down and there's nobody
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around. Do we cry or do we just get back up and go and then maybe find a parent
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and get a band-aid put on?
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Or do we sit there and cry and wait till somebody comes and takes care of us?
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There are a lot of kids now that just stay there crying until someone comes
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and picks them up. We need to learn to self-regulate.
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The more overprotective we are as parents and the more indulgent we are as parents,
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unintentionally we take away from our children their ability to cope.
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They need those coping experiences to grow.
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They need those coping experiences to be afraid of the dark a little bit.
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It's okay. I'm not saying shut them out. I'm not saying be abusive.
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But let them grow through that.
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It's just a challenge. when children are shielded
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from all stress and discomfort you know they don't
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learn how to tolerate their frustration if they
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can't be discomfort they're not they're going to be the ones that
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sit there and complain and always a victim about everything we got a nation
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full of victims that complain non-stop you see it on the media they don't think
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logically or reasonably they are constant complainers then they crumble when
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anybody questions them i saw it with a person running for governor.
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They crumbled when they got questioned with more than one question in an area.
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I'm not going to be able to answer that.
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I'm going to walk away and end this interview. You can't crumble under pressure
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like that. You're an adult.
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You shouldn't need a safe space at 18 years old when you're in college. You're an adult.
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There used to be children that were running farms at 14 years old and very successful
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and mentally, emotionally mature.
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Now we wonder why the dating apps suck we have a nation full of pansies little
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wimpy boys we have a nation full of people that don't know what their gender
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is it's not true it's not true.
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But gender dysphoria never existed when I was growing up.
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People didn't have these issues because now adults are trying to shape them
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into things they're not supposed to be.
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We have children that are 16 or 17 years old that don't want to get their driver's
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license because it's too challenging.
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They're too afraid. We've created a generation of children that are too afraid to go play outside.
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I know it's not as safe as it used to be, but you can put rules,
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boundaries, and limitations and still allow your child to explore.
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Allow them to go outside and not get harmed.
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If they do fall down, let them. They'll pick themselves back up like we did.
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They can drink from the host like we did. There's nothing wrong with some of
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this. Let them explore. Let them be kids.
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Because the more you spoil a kid, the more immature they are.
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It takes them a lot longer to get that emotional maturity that they need.
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They can't delay gratification when you spoil them. They'll be the ones that
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are addicted to drugs. They'll be the ones addicted to porn.
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Because why? Because you spoiled the heck out of them. They'll be more likely
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to have a mental disorder.
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You see it over and over again. You see people going online to get validation.
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When they don't need validation, they should have as much validation in themselves as they need.
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The whole social media thing has also corrupted the children.
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Why do you need validation of people you don't know, who don't know you?
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Who the heck cares? We need to learn to teach children how to be emotionally resilient and tough.
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We need to toughen up the men and the women. We need to let them think for themselves,
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but they need to toughen up because right now they're being swayed by everyone
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else. They're being indoctrinated at school.
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They're being indoctrinated by the media. They're being indoctrinated by social
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media because they're not resilient.
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And we as parents have to create resiliency in our children.
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We have to make them emotionally mature sooner, not later now.
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And I think a lot of us put this off. I've been guilty of it.
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We wait because we don't want to push them too hard and we want them to have such a great childhood.
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However, what we're finding now is that if we wait, it's too late because they're
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changing kids' sex at eight years old.
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If a child is not emotionally resilient and tough enough to understand that
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they are loved who they are, they have self-worth as who they are,
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they might follow along with what their teacher tells them or the media,
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and they never were meant to change their gender.
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Then it creates a mental dysphoria later on in life and they have a mental disorder.
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Or they stay who they are and they're so snowflakey that anything that happens, they cry about.
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One of my son said, there's a girl at school that she gets in trouble and breaks
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down crying over and over again.
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Well, you're gonna get in trouble. You're gonna get in trouble in life.
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Things are gonna happen. Bad things are gonna happen to you.
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And if you break down crying because you stubbed your toe or you break down
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crying just because someone didn't like that you slammed door,
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or someone says you can't do that and you cry, you're going to have a really
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tough time in the real world.
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I am really disappointed in the way.
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This generation is going. Only people we have to blame is ourselves because
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we've trained them. We came from a rough generation where we were left out.
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This is generation X, left outside to fend for ourselves.
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We said to ourselves, we're going to love our children more than we felt loved.
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But the reality is now we've overloved them.
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We've taken it to the point of not allowing them to live, not allowing them
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to deal with challenges, not allowing them to have any stress.
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We take it upon ourselves.
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We've made them so soft they can't function.
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Universities are shocking. It's like we have a nanny state where everyone needs
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to be handheld and there is no, the right and wrong is so blurred now.
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Everything's a gray area. You killed someone. Oh, you must have had a rough childhood.
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Let me take your hand and we'll let you back on the street because we know you
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won't do it again. I mean, it's ridiculous.
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We need to stop. Morals, values, and ethics need to come back in.
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Chores should be a mandatory for every child out there.
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I don't care how wealthy you are. There's a reason why you see a lot of wealthy
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people that make their kids do chores, and the ones that don't,
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their kids end up on drugs.
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Their kids end up doing really bad things. One of the multi-million dollar millionaire
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tech people said he was only going to give his children a million dollars.
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Now, a million dollars is a lot of money to give, but the guy's worth billions
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of dollars because he doesn't want his kids completely spoiled.
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He wants them to learn how to work for it, but you can't when you don't self-regulate.
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The other thing is the people that self-regulate are always victims.
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The world's against you. Oh, you poor me, poor me, poor me. When anything happens
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to you, you fall down and can't get back up.
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I love myself because I know no matter what somebody throws at me,
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I always get back up. I might stumble.
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I might trip. I'm not skin and knee here and there, but I always get back up.
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And being tough and resilient is worth its weight in gold. I would not change it for anything.
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People can't hold me down, and I want that for you. I want that for your children.
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But the only way we're going to get there is if we let them self-regulate and
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teach them how to self-regulate.
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If you take a kid's iPad away and they start crying and give it back to them,
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that's not self-regulation, that's manipulation.
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We are teaching a generation how to manipulate other people,
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not how to self-regulate, and that's the truth.
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And then what happens is other people, they get aggression towards other ones.
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They don't get their way, they blame, they're entitled, they have outbursts,
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they have temper tantrums.
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We have adults that are having temper tantrums in college.
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We have adults that are having temper tantrums when they don't get their way.
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We are creating a society of children and mental illness because people that
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don't self-regulate, they have anxiety.
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They're prone to rage and depression cycles. Poor me.
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A guy I went out with for a month broke up with me. I'm going to go into depression
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for six months. Poor me. I can't find a boyfriend.
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Let me get depressed and have anxiety and then rage at all men.
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Someone said something nasty about me. I'm going to go online and dox them or
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say terrible things about them on social media. No, this is not normal behavior.
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Normal behavior is important, but you don't get to normal behavior if you can't
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regulate your nervous system, if you can't stay calm, if you can't control your
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feelings and your emotions.
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You need to learn how to be less reactive and control your reactions.
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When you are reactive, even when you're yelling at somebody driving that's being
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stupid, you're giving all your power away.
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But why are you reacting in such a way that you give all your power away?
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Because confidence, true confidence, people, is being calm under pressure.
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True confidence is owning yourself. True confidence, you know who you are.
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And you are not this. You don't need to overreact. And when you self-regulate,
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you are going to be a better partner.
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In any relationship. People that can self-regulate, they don't let people push their buttons.
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The people that keep intentionally trying to manipulate them and push their
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buttons, they just say goodbye and move on because they're looking for more
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of a secure relationship, not one that's crazy, not one that's anxious.
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So it's time to stop blaming others and it's time to stop playing the victim.
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You own your reactions. You own everything that happens to you.
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You need to start taking accountability for everything that happens to you because
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when you play the victim, it destroys, it may feel good short-term,
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but it's going to destroy your long-term growth.
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Victimhood keeps you stuck in exactly where you're at.
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You know, if ever anyone tells you you can't, you know, you can't do something,
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it removes because, you know, you're black or because you're a woman or because
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you're Hispanic or whatever it is, it removes your accountability and control.
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And accountability and control is so very important to self-regulation as well.
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If you're blaming everyone else as it's their fault, you're never going to do anything.
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If you come out of a relationship and you say, oh my gosh, that girl cheated
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on me and she was so mean to me, I'm going to go into depression.
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You just gave her power.
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She cheated on you and then she took your life after that relationship.
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If it's everyone else's fault, you're never going to change anything.
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Why don't you say, she cheated on me. I see that I picked the same person that
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I picked before. Or maybe I need to make different choices.
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Or maybe I just need to be alone for a while. That's a choice that's different.
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Maybe I need to work on me. And maybe I need to heal so I attract a different type of person.
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That's self-regulation and that's taking accountability. The world is always going to be unfair.
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We're never going to change that. Everybody's like, oh, we need our fair share.
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Or somebody needs to pay their fair share. Or they need to do this.
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It's not fair. People throw temper tantrums regarding it. The world's always going to be unfair.
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What are you going to do about it? You sit there and whine and complain.
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Are you going to take control of your situation, take accountability,
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monitor your nervous system, and do everything you can to get ahead?
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That's what a merit-based belief system is. My book on merit is coming out next
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month. Look out for that.
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But it is a belief system that you can self-regulate, that you are in control.
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Our social conditioning right now, it's our modern culture that people get outraged
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instead of mastering themselves. They get outraged over everything.
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Everything sets them off. and nothing should because
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there's a lot of things that are important in this life and most of
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the stuff that happens isn't focus on the
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stuff that's important like your family your loved ones because
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what happens is when you get sick or if you have an illness that's exactly what
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you focus on so make each day as valuable as possible get as much done at work
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but don't sweat the small stuff stop their own temper tantrums on the little
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stuff you're not a victim it's just life when you complain and be a victim for.
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You're mentally, you're fueling mediocrity. You're making yourself small and
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giving your power away to whoever victimized you.
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Never give your power away. You own you. You are accountable and you're tough
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as hell. So stop being a victim.
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Resilient people, they see as adversity or things that challenge us as feedback.
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When something happens that's bad, you know what I say? That's good.
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What did I learn from it? What did I get from that? It's not fate,
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but it's a lesson. So remember that if you want to become more resilient,
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you've got to see adversity as just giving you information. Good information.
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You get into a car wreck, good. What did I learn from that? You trip because
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you're wearing shoes that are too big. What did you learn from that?
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You go on a date and the guy's a complete jerk. So you have to uber-home yourself.
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What did you learn from that?
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Maybe you should pre-screen the people ahead of time. Not, oh my gosh,
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men are so terrible. I'm a victim.
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Men are terrible. Let me go online and complain about it. oh men suck suck suck
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oh this is terrible poor me i can't find anyone no what'd you learn from it
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well you learn that maybe you need to screen the people a little bit more maybe
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you need to have a video conference in advance stop playing the victim stop
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it is time for us to stand up as a.
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For how we raise our children and for how we regulate our emotions.
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It is time for us to stop throwing temper tantrums and allowing other people
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to throw temper tantrums around us.
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And you are responsible for yourself and you're responsible for your children,
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but people need to stand up.
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Successful people don't see things that fail or fall apart or don't go their
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way as a personal attack or anything
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other than a lesson. We see it as information. We see it as feedback.
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That's what the universe is giving you. That's what the world is giving you.
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You failed at your job, you got fired, that's feedback.
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You lost your job because you showed up late every day for work,
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that's feedback. It's a lesson. It's information.
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Don't show up late for work. You lost money in the stock market because you
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were over-invested in one area and you didn't look for the signs.
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Learn from it. It's a lesson. Don't dwell on it. It's time for us to advance as a civilization.
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We have to take accountability because accountability is empowerment.
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If I cause something, I have to fix it. Even if I don't cause it,
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I might fix it anyway just because I'm going to learn from it.
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The mental strength and the mental clarity that you're going to gain from these
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lessons is going to propel you to another level.
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It'll calm your nervous system. You're going to take accountability for the
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things you do. You're going to be resilient to everything.
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It's going to be really hard to break you. So the more stuff you go through
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and the more challenges you go through, the better and the stronger you get. We forget that.
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When you lift weights, if you lift the same weight every day and you don't challenge
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yourself, you're not going to gain any muscle.
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In fact, you'll probably lose. The same thing happens in life.
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If we don't challenge ourselves mentally, we lose.
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If we don't do things or do more than what we did the day before,
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we lose it. We lose our mental capacity and we're not as strong.
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Mental strength needs to be a focus of the next generation. It truly does.
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Because if not, I think we might be doomed.
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We're losing the smart people. The smart generation is dying off.
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And it's going to be led by a A generation of weak-minded people that were raised
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by people with good intentions to give people a loving life.
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Nurturing, cherished place, but spoiled your children way too much.
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It's time to take accountability for what we've done.
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It's time to build confidence in ourselves, confidence in our children,
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and respect other people.
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Don't let anyone tell you that you can't achieve because of your race,
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your gender, or your background. I don't care where you came from.
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We are in a great country.
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You can do anything you want. It doesn't matter.
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It doesn't matter what race you are. Okay, well, I'm probably not going to be
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at five foot three, the center on a basketball team, but maybe I own the basketball team.
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I'm probably not going to be a swimmer in the Olympics. Maybe I could have.
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It's probably not going to happen at my age, but you can do almost anything you want.
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If you can't do exactly what you want, maybe pivot and find something pretty
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darn close to it, something you enjoy.
22:46
Your race, your gender, and your background is not what's holding you back. It's your mindset.
22:50
It's your mindset of not taking accountability for who you are,
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what you've done, and where you're at.
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If you grew up poor, great. So did a lot of people. I grew up poor.
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I didn't let it hold me back. I grew up a woman. I competed with men in technology.
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I didn't let that hold me back. If one person out there on this planet has succeeded
23:07
at what you want to do, go model them.
23:10
Go look at what they did and do that. Because if one person on this planet can
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do it besides you, you can do it too.
23:15
Even if no one's done it, that doesn't mean you can't do it.
23:18
It just means they haven't done it yet. Look at Bannister that did the four-minute mile.
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They told him his heart was going to explode. if he ran a four-minute mile.
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So he trained for it, and he did it. Then he did it again, and his heart didn't
23:30
blow up. But they told him his heart was going to blow up, and lots of other people have done that.
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There's people in high school running four-minute miles now, less than four minutes.
23:38
We limit ourselves because we're told we can't do that. But you can't create
23:42
mental strength if you can't regulate your nervous system.
23:44
You can't create mental strength if you don't take accountability and have resilience.
23:50
That's the foundation for growth in life. Then you can go out there and achieve
23:53
anything you want in the world, but you've got to have your foundation.
23:57
You've got to regulate your nervous system. You've got to have mental strength.
24:00
You've got to have clarity and you've got to take accountability.
24:02
I want you to use criticism as motivation. I was told when I was growing up
24:06
by my teacher that was teaching drivers at now.
24:09
Granted, I still drive a little fast. But he was telling me when I was growing
24:12
up that I wasn't going to amount to anything, that he knew my type and I was
24:14
going to be nothing because I grew up extremely poor.
24:17
And I'll just say I showed him. But I didn't really because I don't ever think
24:20
about him except for once in a while when I'm talking about people that have
24:24
come from nothing and gone further because I had other teachers.
24:26
One teacher yelled at me because I was crying because I had wiped out on my bike and I was bleeding.
24:31
She told me to dry up now when I was only in first grade.
24:34
But the reality was it was it toughened me up.
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It created some resilience. Now, I'm not saying be nasty to your children,
24:41
but maybe don't baby them so much. Give them chores.
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Give them things to learn. I have my kids learning plumbing.
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I have my kids learning electricity. I have my kids helping on websites.
24:49
I have my kids doing accounting, and they're not even 16 years old yet.
24:53
Why can't a 16-year-old help you with your books, help you do mailings,
24:56
help you do data processing, help you with your technology, help you on the computer?
25:01
Teach them how to function in the real world, or you're going to lose them to
25:05
the schools that are teaching them not to function in the real world. That's the truth.
25:09
Our children, we're losing them to schools that are teaching them ideology that's
25:13
more like brainwashing than truth.
25:16
Teach them reality, get them out in the real world, and show them how to plant
25:20
in the garden, how to grow things.
25:23
I think we've missed out on a lot of that stuff, but it's coming back.
25:26
Use criticism as motivation. Don't criticize to put someone down and make them
25:30
feel insecure and have no self-worth, but when you criticize, motivate them.
25:35
So for instance, let's say that your child does not put their clothes on correctly.
25:42
Like they always put them on backwards or inside out.
25:45
Now, I know if you have children that are under, say six or seven years old,
25:48
it may be an issue still, but maybe
25:50
every time they put their clothes on correctly, you give them a good job.
25:55
You did it correctly today. And then what will happen is.
25:58
Is when they don't, you'll be like, oh, I'm so disappointed,
26:01
but don't change their clothes for them.
26:03
Make them do it. That's just a small instance. But criticism is not proof of defeat.
26:08
So for instance, let's say someone does something that they lost and they lost
26:14
a baseball game and some parents will take it as criticism and they will go
26:18
after them and say, oh, you're a loser. That's not motivation.
26:21
That's self-defeating and causes insecurity in children.
26:24
We don't need to do that. But we do need to ask, what'd you learn from it?
26:27
How can you toughen up next time? How will you be stronger?
26:30
Those are better motivation questions. The questions we ask our children are
26:34
the questions they will be asking themselves later.
26:36
So if you have a child that calls themselves a loser, that calls themselves
26:40
dumb or stupid, they heard it somewhere.
26:43
But if you have a child that says, you lost, but I got a lesson from it.
26:47
What did I learn? And they're constantly asking themselves, how did I learn from this?
26:51
How can I make it better next time? What can I do better next time.
26:54
That's going to create a resilient child. That's going to create someone that
26:57
regulates their nervous system.
26:58
And that's going to create somebody that takes accountability for all of their actions.
27:01
If you build your identity around self-trust, not victimhood and strength and
27:06
calmness, and you teach that in your children, you're going to have power.
27:10
Self-regulation equals power. Victimhood equals weakness.
27:14
Accountability equals freedom and growth.
27:16
And we need that in this world now more than ever. I hope you can start regulating your emotions daily.
27:21
I hope that if you're having issues with that, if you have anxiety,
27:26
maybe breathe, slow down, meditate.
27:28
It gets easier over time. Get out there and go for a walk. If you had a really
27:33
bad day, get out in nature.
27:34
Because nature is soothing and calming in and of itself.
27:37
If you just went through a divorce, walk every day. If you are having a really
27:43
rough time at work and somebody is driving you crazy, walk.
27:47
And when you walk, I swear nature helps heal and helps you figure it out.
27:51
Then you can journal and write things down if you're still having issues.
27:54
And then find a trusted friend that you can talk to. But be calm in the chaos.
27:58
I've taught my children from a very young age, when there's chaos,
28:02
what do we do? And they will say in unison, we stay calm.
28:05
Every child should know that. When something terrible or bad happens,
28:09
what do you do? You stay calm. because the person that's calm is the person that can handle it.
28:13
If you're not calm and you're throwing a temper tantrum, you won't be able to self-regulate.
28:17
So in a crisis, stay calm. I wish that for everyone here.
28:21
Master your emotions, master your accountability, master your nervous system,
28:25
and you will master your life. This is Diva Mia.
28:28
I hope you had a great day. I hope you'll have a great week and I hope you have
28:31
a great life. Take care and ciao, ciao.
28:35
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28:41
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