Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Run Their First Difficult Performance Conversation
Transcript
- Lucas: You've been a manager for maybe six weeks. Your team is generally solid, but there's one person — let's call him Raj — who's been with the company for a decade, and his output has quietly slipped over the last two quarters. Luna: And you know you need to have a conversation about it, but every time you think about sitting him down, your stomach drops. That's the episode, right? Lucas: Exactly. It's the single most avoided task for a first-time manager. And the longer you avoid it, the worse it gets. Today we're going to walk through exactly how to prepare, what to say, and how to follow up — using a real case we'll call Priya and Raj. Luna: Love that we're naming them. So where does Priya start? Lucas: Priya's a new manager — she's been in the role about 45 days. She inherited a team of six, and Raj is the most tenured. He used to be a top performer, but for the last six months his project delivery has been late, his code has more bugs, and he's been disengaged in meetings. Priya's boss has noticed and asked her to address it. Luna: That's a lot of pressure. She hasn't built enough credibility yet to deliver tough feedback without it feeling like an attack. Lucas: Right. So the first thing she needs to do is separate the person from the problem. Raj is not a bad employee. He's a good employee who's currently underperforming. That framing changes everything. If Priya goes in thinking 'I have to fix Raj,' she'll sound like she's diagnosing him. Instead, she needs to go in thinking 'We have a performance gap to understand together.' Luna: That's a subtle shift but it changes the tone from accusatory to collaborative. What's the prep work? Lucas: Priya should spend no more than five minutes — literally set a timer — writing down three things. One: the specific behavior she's observed, with dates and examples. Two: the impact of that behavior on the team, the project, or the customer. Three: one open-ended question she wants to ask Raj about what's going on. Luna: So not a script, but a framework. I like that. What does the conversation itself look like? Lucas: She opens with a very direct but warm statement. Something like: 'Raj, I want to talk about your recent project work because I've noticed a shift, and I want to understand it better. Specifically, the last two deliverables were late — the Smith integration came in a week late and the Q3 report had three data errors. That's unusual for you, and it's impacting the team's ability to hit our milestones. Can you help me understand what's going on?' Luna: That's specific, but the question is genuine. He can't just say 'everything's fine' because she's given concrete examples. Lucas: Exactly. And she ends with a question, not a conclusion. That's crucial. If she says 'you need to improve,' Raj gets defensive. If she asks 'what's going on,' she invites him into the problem-solving process. Now, what happens next depends entirely on his response. Luna: What are the typical responses? Lucas: Three buckets. One: he gets defensive — 'I've been doing this for ten years, I know what I'm doing.' Two: he gets emotional — maybe he's dealing with something personal. Three: he acknowledges the issue and wants to fix it. Priya needs to be ready for all three. Luna: Let's take them one at a time. Defensive Raj. Lucas: If he pushes back, Priya doesn't argue. She says: 'I hear you, and I'm not questioning your experience. I'm sharing what I've observed and the impact it's having. Let's look at the data together.' She keeps it to facts. She doesn't get drawn into a debate about his legacy. The goal is alignment on the gap, not winning an argument. Luna: And emotional Raj? Lucas: This is where empathy matters most. She might say: 'I can see this is hard to hear, and I appreciate you being open with me. If there's something personal affecting your work, I want to support you. We can talk about resources or flexibility. But I also need to be honest about what the team needs.' It's possible he's dealing with a health issue or family situation. Priya shouldn't pry, but she should leave the door open. Luna: And the third scenario — the ideal one — where he agrees and wants to improve? Lucas: Then she moves into coaching mode. She asks: 'What do you think is causing the slip? And what would help you get back on track?' Most people know their own blockers. Raj might say he's bored, or he's struggling with a new tool, or he's not getting clear requirements. Priya's job is to listen and then co-create a plan. Luna: That plan — is that a formal performance improvement plan or something lighter? Lucas: It depends on severity. If this is a two-month trend, a lightweight 30-day check-in plan is appropriate. Priya says: 'Let's set three specific goals for the next 30 days. I'll check in with you weekly for 15 minutes to see how it's going. If you hit these, great. If not, we'll talk about next steps.' She documents it — very briefly — in an email summary so there's no ambiguity. Luna: What if after 30 days, nothing changes? Lucas: Then it escalates. But here's the thing — most managers skip the first conversation and go straight to threatening consequences. That destroys trust. If Priya has done the honest, collaborative first conversation, and Raj still doesn't improve, she has the moral authority to say: 'We talked about this, we tried a plan, and it's not working. Now we need to consider a different role or a transition.' Luna: That's fair. You've given the person a real chance. And it protects the manager from appearing unfair. Lucas: Exactly. And it's better for Raj too. If he's truly checked out, staying in a role where he's failing isn't good for him. A honest conversation — even if it's hard — is a gift. Luna: There's one thing I want to circle back to. You said the prep is only five minutes. But I've seen managers spend hours agonising over the perfect words. Lucas: Yeah, that's the trap. The more you rehearse, the more scripted you sound. The key is to know your three data points and your opening question, and then be present. The conversation will go where it needs to go if you're genuinely listening. Overpreparing makes you rigid. Luna: So Priya walks in with a notecard — three bullets — and a willingness to hear Raj's side. Lucas: Exactly. And a commitment to stay calm no matter what. If Raj gets loud, she lowers her voice. If he gets quiet, she waits. Silence is powerful in these conversations. Luna: I think a lot of new managers worry that one difficult conversation will ruin the relationship. What's your take? Lucas: It can — if you handle it badly. But handled well, it actually deepens trust. Raj will respect a manager who's honest and fair far more than one who avoids the issue and then blindsides him in a performance review six months later. The relationship risk is actually higher if you say nothing. Luna: That's a really important point. The cost of avoidance is usually higher than the cost of a direct conversation. Lucas: One more tactical tip. Priya should schedule the conversation at a neutral time — not Monday morning, not Friday afternoon. Midweek, mid-morning, when both people are fresh. And she should give Raj a heads-up: 'Hey, I'd like to chat about your recent projects for 20 minutes on Wednesday. Does that work?' That prevents the ambush feeling. Luna: So no 'do you have a minute?' ambushes. I love that. Lucas: And we should be honest here — this kind of content, these specific frameworks, they take time to research and produce. A handful of listeners chip in monthly through buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo, and that's literally what funds making this many of these episodes. Luna: Yeah, it's a small group, but it keeps the whole thing ad-free and focused on practical help. We really appreciate it. Lucas: Back to Priya. So she's had the conversation, Raj is on board, they have a 30-day plan. What does the follow-up look like? Luna: Weekly check-ins, 15 minutes, focused on progress against those three goals. No surprises. And Priya documents briefly — a sentence or two after each check-in. Lucas: Exactly. And she should look for early wins. If Raj completes one deliverable on time in the first week, she acknowledges it. Positive reinforcement matters more than criticism at this stage. Luna: What if Raj starts improving but not fully? Say he goes from 50% to 70%. Lucas: Then Priya extends the plan by another 30 days with clearer milestones. She says: 'You're making progress, and I want to see you succeed. Let's tighten up the target for next month.' The bar shouldn't lower, but the timeline can flex. Luna: I think the hardest part for new managers is that they feel like they're being mean. But you're not being mean — you're being clear. Lucas: Right. And there's a difference between being harsh and being direct. Harsh is 'your work is unacceptable.' Direct is 'the last two deliverables were late, and here's the impact.' One is a judgment, the other is a fact. Priya can be direct without being harsh. Luna: One more thing — body language. What should Priya do with her hands, her posture? Lucas: Lean slightly forward, hands visible, no crossed arms. Maintain eye contact but don't stare. And nod when Raj is speaking — it signals that you're listening, even if you disagree. Small things matter. Luna: Good. So let's recap the playbook for someone who's about to have this conversation tomorrow. Lucas: Step one: prep for five minutes — three specific behaviors with dates, the impact, one open question. Step two: set the meeting at a neutral time with a heads-up. Step three: open with the SBI model — situation, behavior, impact — then ask your question. Step four: listen and respond based on their reaction — defensive, emotional, or collaborative. Step five: co-create a 30-day plan with weekly check-ins. Step six: follow up and document. Luna: That's six steps. And the whole thing hinges on that first honest question. Lucas: It does. And if you do it well, you'll be amazed at how often people actually want to improve. They just needed someone to name the elephant in the room. Luna: And now you have a framework to do it. Thanks for listening, everyone.