Latest / The Growth Mindset Book Podcast: Ideas That Change the Way You Think / Two Roads: Fear or Faith

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Two Roads: Fear or Faith · The Growth Mindset Book Podcast: Ideas That Change the Way You Think

• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: So today you're gonna love this episode.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: Let me just give you a little bit of background and then we'll jump right in.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: I had something that I was struggling with, and I spent that night using an AI technology that I had built around the coaching that I do.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I used that AI to kind of go back and forth, and it gave me a solution for myself.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: The next day, I had a client session and I shared what I had learned in that evening with the client.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: So I asked him after we were done, because our session just went beautifully.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I asked him, would he mind if I shared this entire coaching session that we had with everyone on our podcast?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, absolutely.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: So get ready to listen to a full coaching session where we discuss a process that, if you use it, will help bring a lot more peace, happiness, and joy, even freedom into your life.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: So I hope you enjoy it.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: So the first thing it says acknowledge the inner conflict.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: What does that mean?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: You recognize two competing voices within you.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: One of fear demanding you chase money, and one of faith urging you to simply help others.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: I have it a lot too.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: There's people that I can help all the time, and I want to help people.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I always feel bad because I'm like, I can help them, and should I not help them because they can't pay me?
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: Or do I trust that the money will come from other sources like it did a few months ago as we started doing all this business, and then all of a sudden a hundred plus thousand dollars just rolled in.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: You want to look back and try to understand how this stuff actually works.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the perfect example of how it works.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: I do I give all the time to lots of people in many different ways, and I don't always get compensated for it.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: But I do get compensated for it.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's the key in that first piece.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Acknowledge your inner conflict, recognize those two voices.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: One's always like pacing the money, and the other is having faith that as long as I help other people consistently, money will flow to me in some way.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: I just don't know exactly how, but it will.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: What are your thoughts?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: Let's hear your thoughts first, and then we'll go to the next thing.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's the truth.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's the truth, right?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it's yeah, it we never know exactly what it's going to look like.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: We don't know if it's gonna be in the form of a check.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Or if it's gonna be in the form of a relationship or a new person that that comes in and does and they just drop in business that you didn't know was coming, or you have no idea what it's gonna be like.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: But if you always I look at it like this: a mentor of mine, a gem of a human being, he said to me years and years ago, probably 20 years ago now, he said if you do the right thing, you'll never have to apologize to your clients.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's for sure.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's a beautiful that it's so true.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you never have to apologize to your clients, no matter how much or how little money you make, if you never have to apologize to your clients that you're doing the right thing, it was definitely it's a hundred percent true.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, a hundred percent true.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just finding opportunities consistently to give to others, and they're all around us, they're happening all the time.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: There's always opportunities to help.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so for me, this is gonna be my daily routine because I just feel like it's so on point.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: So that's step number one or point number one.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Any questions or thoughts besides that?
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's dead on.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Dead on.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: The next step.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: So after I know those two routes, I can take the route of chasing or I can take the help the route of helping.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: The next step, identify the true source.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: You correctly identified that your ultimate security doesn't come from a bank account, but from the infinite, unwavering power within you from God, the peace of God that sits within us, right?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: That that's where everything comes from, anyway.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: The only way it doesn't come from that place is when we try to outthink that place.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like we have intuition and then we have our mind that talks us out of intuition.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's when we think that we know better.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: And how many times does that happen?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: It happens all the time when we think we know better, but when we actually know better, not often.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: That that's correct.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: So the practice is when I'm thinking too much, I'm off base.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I've got to pause and just chill out and don't try to come to any kind of conclusion from that place.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you try to come from a conclusion with all that static going on in your head, what's gonna happen?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's a couple things that could happen.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: You come to a conclusion that's self-serving, and so you end up doing uh maybe doing something that's not the right thing, um, to get a couple extra dollars or to to get something extra for yourself.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's really what comes to my mind is that you end up doing something that it's more for you than the person that you're trying to help exactly.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's the ego, and the ego is always about me.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's about me.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: I've gotta do this, I've gotta do that.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: How many times we've all talked to people that you know that they're consistently down and out, right?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if it doesn't matter what's going on in their life, right?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: They could have just won the lottery, but it's they're still down and out.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it's I I can't tell you how many times I've heard, man, I sure wish it would come back to me one day.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: I asked my brother, he's the king of that, man.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like he just the king.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Why do you do the things that you do?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Do you do it to help other people because that is what makes you feel good, or do you do it because you want it to come back to you?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's a great point.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's a great point.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Specifically, the reason why I asked in what the follow-up question was, is because if you want it, if you're doing it because you want it to come back to you, that's not the right thing.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's never going to come back because you're not doing it for the right reason.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: 100% true.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: And again, when we take our mind out of that, when we take this stuff, and you can feel it when you're in that place, you can literally feel your mind's non-stop movement.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: But when you chill out and relax, put the pit stick a pivot in that.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: So Tuesday night, okay, I was on the road on Tuesday.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't get home until later in the afternoon, like 5:30 or at 6 o'clock or something like that.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I come in and my house is a mess, and there's a pile of dishes in the sink and whatever.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I go in and I'm doing no one's home, so I'm just like ranting to myself about doing ditches, and uh about how I'm the only one around here, and these kids, and blah blah blah.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, I stopped myself as I'm like spiraling like tail spit, tail spit down this hole of nothing good, right?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, and I said, wait a minute.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: You just had an awesome day today.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: You walked in, the same dishes that are in the sick that are in the sick this afternoon were in the sick this morning.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: You're responsible for a portion of that.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's not all their fault.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's not they haven't been home just the same as you haven't been home.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: So just do the dishes and stop complaining about them.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so then so I'm putting these dishes away.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, And so I start going, you know what?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: I sure am happy that I have these dishes to eat off of.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: There you go.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: I was just funny because I was just gonna ask you that question.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: You already went there.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, go ahead.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: I said that it sure is nice to have to have these dishes to be able to eat with, and there's food in the refrigerator to be able to cook, to be able to put on these dishes, to be able to eat and drink.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And there are a lot of people that don't have the nice, a nice set of dishes like this, and there are a lot of people that don't have a food full or a refrigerator full of food to be able to cook, to be able to put on these nice dishes.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: So, what are you complaining about?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: That you've got to clean up the mess that you helped to contribute to make.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: And when you did that, what did you notice in how you were feeling before versus how you're feeling after you went through that process?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not so much how I was feeling before, it's what happened after.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me, I want to hear that.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: So my uh my middle daughter typically gets home before my oldest daughter, typically.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: So, like my middle one gets uh, she gets done with what she's doing during the day.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, she usually is usually home by 6 30 or 7 o'clock.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so if I would have continued down the path the way that I was going, I would have been all kinds of pissed off and probably lit into her the second she walked in the door.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: No hellos, no how was your day?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of why is all these crap here be the TikTok stuff and it would have just turned into an argument, right?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so instead, changing my own mindset turned into hey Brooke, how are you?
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: How was your day?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want me to make you something for dinner?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'll dirty another dish.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: What can I do?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: And let's talk about your day.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's what we ended up doing.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: It makes a huge difference, and it's just a simple shift.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: And the beauty is you caught yourself, you became aware of what you were doing.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: You paused, you reflected, you went to gratitude, and everything shifted.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: You hear me talking, yeah.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because it was that morning.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know if you remember our interaction from earlier in the week, but it was that morning that I told you that I kind of had a panic a couple of times over the last several days, and uh it was that morning that we had that conversation, and so it was like I heard my inner Michael Fox say, All right, what are what are you really doing here?
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's funny that you say that.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: So many people say that exact same thing, they always hear me talking in their head.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's like you're the your voice is becoming universe speaking to me.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's funny.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so you get it, right?
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: And there's the perfect example of of what we're talking about.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: Again, it's this is all practice.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: The only way we ever get good at this is by practicing it.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we're gonna screw up, sometimes we're not gonna do it.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Then, like you were cleaning the dishes, you became aware of what you were doing, you shifted out of it, and that's a win.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: Because then the rest of your day changed and shifted because you shifted, not because anyone else shifted, not because anyone else did the dishes, because you shifted inside.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a key.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: So that's excellent.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's a great example of applying the work.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: Excellent.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's it's funny because if you called me out and asked me if I've been doing the work, and I admittedly, I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you that I have because you know that it would be a lie.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: I already knew the answer.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: I already knew the answer, yeah.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and so when you take the time to do the work, it could be something so simple as stopping yourself when you're in the midst of a and it's not simple, I shouldn't say that.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's not the right way to put it, but it's it could be stopping yourself when you're in the middle of a downward spiral, quote unquote, and saying, Oh, why are you doing this?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's not fruitful for anyone.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: What you just said, that small practice is to me even better than sitting and studying.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: Studying is great.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: You want to keep learning and keep doing the repetition, but the practice is everything.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's how it becomes it becomes a habit by doing it.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: So that yeah, that's awesome.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: I love this.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: This is good.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: Practice, and you're right, just catch yourself.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, you know what?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm feeling really anxious.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: I woke up feeling really anxious.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: What am I thinking about right now?
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: And you're probably thinking money, this, that, whatever, the house, is uh the my ex.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: There's a if I continue to think that way, what's going to continue to happen?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: So you go to gratitude.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: Gratitude's always the go-to because if you go to gratitude, man, I'm so grateful that I have the house.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so grateful to have my job, I'm so grateful that that I have money in my account.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: It may not be where I want it to be, but thank God I'm able to pay the bill, all those things.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: Thank God I have my health.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: Thank God I have my family and they have their health.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: You see what I'm saying?
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's just practice.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's and that's exactly what it is in practice and remembering that you have to remember what it really feels like to be down, right?
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because we've all had times in our life where it's it's a real struggle, right?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Have we ever been you know I I don't know if you have, but I've there's been times where there was nobody in the account, and there's been times in the refrigerator, and there's been times where and we were actually it's crazy.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was with one of my best friends this weekend.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's a big off-roading festival that that took place last weekend.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was riding around with friends and hanging out, and we were partying one night sitting by a fire and and we're looking around.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if you've ever seen like side by sides, like the player's razors and the can-ams and all do you know anything about that world?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Nah, nah.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: They're like uh basically the off-road vehicle, and I mean incredibly expensive, like stupid money in some of them, right?
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: Some people roll in there with like hand built race and whatever, and then some people will roll it with fifty-sixty thousand dollar machines.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I I was looking around and I said, I said to my buddy, I said, I used to think that I did pretty well until I started coming to these events.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: They said, What do you mean?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Yeah, you look around and there's a hundred thousand dollar camper with a twenty thousand dollar trailer and a fifty thousand dollar machine in it.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: And uh he said, But do those people, are they any happier than what we are right now?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: I said, probably not.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, or when we were because I've known him for 20 some odd years, like you was my neighbor for 15 years.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: He said, Do you remember when you and I first met?
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we were both like young parents, like our kids are the same age.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: So the time we first really met, like you know, my our oldest daughters were like somewhere between one and three years old, and and so the kids were and we were struggling like young people do.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: And like you remember back then we dreamed about what we've got now.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, you know what, you're right.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's a great point.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Then we uh we would have killed to have to have what we have now.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: And and he said, It doesn't matter if you've got a he said, sure, do I have a nice machine?
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, do I have a do I have nice stuff?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, you know, and I'm grateful for it.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: He said, because back then we couldn't even imagine what life would look like right now.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going, holy crap, like when did you become a philosopher need when he was a gift, he was a gift for you, really.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: It really was.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: 100% was, and he had no idea.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: Did you tell him?
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you haven't, you might want to, you might want to tell him because I think sometimes pointing that out to someone, they don't even realize what they said actually had an impact on you.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: And when you tell them, it's the really nice thing to do.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: He knows.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: He knows, yeah, he already is, yeah, yeah.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's awesome.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: And it's funny because what you just said about what he said, which is are they any happier?
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: goes to the next point that I want to make here.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: So again, there's two roads there's the fear, chasing money, and then faith in I'm gonna just help people and I know everything will work out.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: The next thing after that was we identify where this is all coming from.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's coming from God that place within us the power, not this trying to figure everything out place.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: So, number three, make peace the priority.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that what you just said?
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's essentially what you said.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: Make peace the priority.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: You discovered that the feeling of peace isn't the result of getting paid, it's the cause of it.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: Your most important work, therefore, is to cultivate the feeling of peace in everything that you do, especially when helping others.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: Now, why would that be so important to cultivate that feeling now of what we want eventually?
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: The money will give me that feeling of peace.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: But like you said, there's a lot of people that have a lot of money that aren't feeling peace.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: So why would we want to feel that right now?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's the why do we want to feel peace right now is because we got this consistent many people having this consistent struggle of keeping up with the Joneses, right?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, Jason just got this, the Jason, my buddy.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: Jason just got this this brand new whatever, so I need one, you know, and we're all guilty of it.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: We're all guilty of it.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you have friends that are that do a certain thing and and you don't have to ride motorcycles or four-wheelers or whatever, and you don't do it, or you don't have it all, you should get yourself one.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: You should do this, you should do this.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes, and I've been guilty of this a lot in my life.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: I've put myself into a worse situation by doing what I should be, quote unquote.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: I should go buy a should go.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm picking on a motorcycle, whatever it should be.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: You shouldn't go buy a new suit, you shouldn't go buy it.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Do I really need it?
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: Is it gonna bring me any type of satisfaction?
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Or is that shiny new thing that you're buying?
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Is it just gonna bring me more debt?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: And is it just gonna is that debt going to become a crashing weight on top of you?
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what it turns into for a lot of people.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's exactly what it turns into.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: They think those things are gonna make them happy, and then it's more of a weight, and they actually feel the opposite of what they think that thing is gonna give them.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: They feel not peaceful, they feel more anxious and worried, and doubtful, and fearful.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're feeling all of those feelings, what results, what's gonna project in your life when you feel those consistently?
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I think I know the answer to this.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think I I the you're just gonna feel more weight and more of a burden and more of a and there's no real reason for it.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's exactly right.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever we're feeling consistently will be our experience out in the world as well.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: So if I'm feeling anxious and worried, I'm gonna have a lot more out there that's gonna happen that's gonna make me feel even more anxious and worried.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm gonna see it from that lens of the lens of what you're uh of being feeling angst and worried and whatever else, right?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then the other point of it is happiness, right?
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't have if you're not a happy person today with what you have today, then how can you be a happy person tomorrow?
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly right.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because guess what?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: You can go out, and that's I'm again, I'll stick on whatever motorcycles, cars, trucks, whatever it is.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can go and buy the shiniest, newest, most beautiful, whatever it is.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: And and somebody else is always gonna be able to get something that's just one step ahead.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then you're gonna go, and that person's gonna pull up next to you, and they're and you're gonna say, Man, I really want that.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: Even though you have this.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot you have what you yesterday, what you wanted, what was gonna make you perfectly happy, you got it, but then got it yesterday, and then today Mike rolls up and he's got a brand new Audi BMW, whatever.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, I really want that.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: Look at that thing.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, look at that.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it is.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, think about it.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you I don't know about your life in this financial services world before you jumped into coaching, but like when I left Western Southern Financial Group, which was back uh in the probably 2010 or 11.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: I I say I left, I got fired.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: But uh I left either way, but it was before you to continue.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: I want to ask you this question.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: You got fired, but why was that the biggest gift that could have happened to you at that moment?
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Because in the moment, you probably didn't feel like it was a gift at all.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: You're probably like, oh shit, what am I gonna do now?
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: Potentially, no, uh, you're that's exactly the feeling or it was a huge gift.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: There were I I will remember I until the day that I die, I will remember this.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: There was one day that when I got let go, like it was on a like a Thursday, and I went on a little better for the weekend, and then one day comes and I didn't have to go anywhere.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so we'd hold the kids.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: My youngest one was still in daycare at the time, which is my middle daughter now, and uh, she was still in daycare, and and so we pulled her out of daycare, and it was like I was like the stay-at-home dad, and uh and I would spend countless hours filling out applications and whatever, but I would always make time to sit and I would make lunch, and she and I would have lunch together, you know.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: Then for an hour or two after lunch, we would play and do whatever.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: She was it's just 2011, so she was like four.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I remember her telling me one day, she says, Dad, I like it when you're thinking, yeah.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: She had no idea why I was home.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like she didn't, she was four years old, but all she knew was that dad was spending time with her and she liked it.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so what would what did that turn out to be?
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: It was a gift.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_01: It was a blessing.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was a huge gift.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: This is we're gonna have other things that happen in our life consistently.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: At times, well, I shouldn't say consistently, at times we're gonna have other things that happen that we're not gonna think is to benefit us.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: And it's remembering times like this situation, which you definitely didn't think was a gift at the time, but now you're seeing that it was an absolute gift and it worked out for the best because it not only allowed you to spend more time with your family, but then it brought you to the next place where you're working and you were happier, and it everything's always working out for us.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's just our mind sometimes thinks it knows better than that piece of God inside of us that's guiding us.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: This is what we're talking about.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: This is exactly what we're talking about.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: And what's funny is that the the reason why I was let go from Western Southern Financial Group was for decidedly doing the wrong thing for the wrong reason.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: Which is that first thing that we're talking about.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: But why did you do that thing?
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: What what was in it for you?
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: What's funny is that like it was another case, right?
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: It was another app to come in the door, but there's really nothing in it for me.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I wasn't gonna hit a commission breakpoint or anything like that.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was really it was I thought I was doing the this advisor a favor and circumventing the rules at the same time, and and in all actuality, I may have been doing the advisor a favor, but I certainly wasn't doing myself a favor, and and certainly circumventing rules is probably not the right way to do favors for people in hindsight.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and you learned a lesson, you grew, you learned, and again, so everything's happening for us.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: This is the point, and so again, we want to use this as we move forward, and that next thing happens, right?
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like when you were going through the process with your ex, it's very easy to look at why this is happening to me.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_01: I can't believe this, blah, blah, blah.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: But now you're a little bit, it's a little bit in the past.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: What's a gift that you've gotten from having gone through that situation?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: I know that when I wake up every day, I know exactly what I'm gonna get out of my cell.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: And and how long did you resist it and fight it for?
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: You're in a situation where our mind is telling us, no, don't do this, this is gonna happen.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: We come up with all these reasons why we shouldn't do it, even though inside, deep down, that place, we know it's we need to get out of this thing.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's not for us.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: How long did you fight that for?
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man years.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: Years, yeah, years, and and then there's so many things that snowball off of that, right?
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because you become how do I want to put this?
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's gonna sound like I'm talking crap about my ex-wife and I don't want to.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: But you become like when you're married to someone or you're around someone for a look for a lot of time, you a lot of times you become a lot like that person.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: True.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're with a person that's negative all the time, or lazy or nonchalant, or however you want to put it, sometimes that we're all forming.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: That makes sense.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: And makes yeah, the people that you surround yourself with the most, you become like.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: So that can be a good thing, or it can be a not so good thing.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because if someone's very negative and you're around them all the time, that's literally programming, right?
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: They keep saying things over and over, it gets in your head and you start doing kind of similar things because if you're not aware of what's going on, you just become what you're around.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: And you're right.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're not aware of it, right, it you just morph into that.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not that like I hated the person that I was or whatever.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's not the case, but I became a I just I became a different, what I feel like a different person.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was angry about things, and I was like, my kids always told me that I had two emotions and it was hungry and angry, and and that's not the right way to live, right?
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's not the right way to be.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I through through the years of of now not being with my ex-wife, I realized that yeah, like I was angry a lot of the times, and I was frustrated and whatever, and it was all it was because of the situation that I was in.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: Not that it wasn't really anyone's fault, it was just that's the way that she is.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of like instead of correcting that situation, I just rolled on with it and it made me a miserable person.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and again, it was just you being unaware of what was going on, so you just became like your environment.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: But if you were aware of it, if you knew, you you probably would have done different, but you aren't.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so I don't, it's right, it's no one's fault, but it's a great piece to learn because now moving forward, you know what to do.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the same, it's really it goes back to how many times do you hear guys say, Oh, happy wife, happy life?
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because you can spend you you can bend over backwards to make your that other person happy.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: But what are the like and I hate to put it this way, but what are they doing for you?
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: Are they bending over backwards to make sure that you feel the same moment?
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what the like where an unhealthy relationship comes from is when you is when you there's one person that's just bending over backwards to get the to make the other person happy or walks around on eggshells because you don't want to upset the other person or say something that does that make sense?
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_01: It makes total sense.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: Happy life, happy life is.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: Is a bunch of crap because if you're walking around and you're feeling terrible all the time, but you're making your wife happy, what's your life gonna be like?
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about we have to come from a place of love and peace and happiness ourselves.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_01: And then we if because how can we give that to someone else and make them happy if we're not feeling that way?
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: It all starts here inside of us.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_01: And then what happens is if we're with someone that we realize isn't probably the right person, when we're healthy because we love ourselves, we may say, hey, this relationship isn't for me, and realize it.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_01: But that happy wife, happy life is absolutely 100% nonsense.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's you're right.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: It and and so many people, myself included, we did I did this whole thing to for years, and it was super detrimental to me.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like I I honestly feel like it, and again, this might be thinking it too extreme, but I feel like it put years off of my life.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_01: It did, right?
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_01: Because you stayed stuck in that for years and probably, but again, I just want to point this one thing out the fact that you stuck in that relationship and you were there, there were lessons for you to learn.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_01: And even after the fact, when you look back at it, right, had you not gone through all the things that you went through, you wouldn't have learned the lessons necessarily that you learned.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_01: So, again, we we never want to beat ourselves up for having why did I do that?
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_01: I can't believe I didn't get out sooner.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't, because you needed to go through whatever you went through, and now you're out of it, and now you can be grateful for it.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, that's exactly all right.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_01: So let me go on to the net because there's two more points I want to hit them before we jump off.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_01: So again, there's two paths: the one of fear, chasing money, the one of having faith and helping others.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_01: The true source is that we have this peace of God within us, and the key is making peace a priority in our life.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_01: Because if we feel peaceful and we come from a peaceful place, we're operating on a peaceful frequency and we will experience way more peace and happiness in our life.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's where we're at.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_01: Now, the next step create a statement of faith.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: So, what does that mean?
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_01: When that fear, I'll just let me read it first.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: When fear or doubt arises, you have a powerful tool.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_01: You'll immediately stop and declare.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_01: And what I'm declaring, it asked me a question and I answered it with this.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_01: And this may be different for you, and it may be different for everyone else.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_01: But the statement of faith that I came up with, as soon as I start feeling that fear or doubt arise, God, I have complete faith and trust in you.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then return my focus to serving others.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_01: So as soon as that money thing comes up for me, or I have doubt or worry, God, I have complete faith in you.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: So let me ask you this question.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_01: For you, what would that statement be?
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: So on Sunday morning, I woke up and we were partying this weekend a little bit.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I woke up at 5 30 in the morning, and I was sleeping in a camper and the air conditioner wasn't working really well.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so, like, you wake up and you're like slimy, and I don't know if you drink very often or whatever.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: Wake up and you're not, you know, just not feeling 100% 5 30 in the morning.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want to be flying around, three other people sleeping, and and so I'm laying there and like I had this overwhelming feeling of like panic, right?
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I'm laying there and I'm like internally freaking out.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know why to this moment, I don't know why.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: But I laid there and I I let these feelings of like panic and fear take hold of me for a minute, and then I to get myself out of it, I just kept saying, God, grant me the peace to see the way out of this and the clarity to see what I see.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't to this like to the second, I don't know what it was that I needed to see, but it was but the uh as soon as I started reciting that to myself, that the feeling subsided and I fell back to sleep and was able to sleep for another hour or so before we had to get up and pack up and go.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: But so to this second, I don't know why I was feeling the way that I was feeling.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what caused it.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what caused me to wake up out of a dead sleep, but it was something.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_00: And the second that I repositioned my focus to let's find the positive and let's find the happy, it went away.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_01: It went away because you changed your focus.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_01: You can't you went back to God, hey God help me.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're doing that, those other thoughts that are causing the anxiety are some they're not there because that's not your focus.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so the more that you say, God, please help me, again, whatever the actual statement was that you said, or God, I have complete faith and trust in you.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_01: God, I have complete faith and trust in you.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: When I'm saying that, I'm giving it over to that power inside of me, and I'm not thinking those other negative thoughts anymore because I've replaced it with a different thought.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_01: And when you can't think two thoughts at the same time.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_01: So if I keep saying that, those other thoughts will subside.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_01: And when they subside, the feeling of anxiety will subside.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's true.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: I know it's true.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_01: I know it's true.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_01: We experience it now, right?
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_01: Because you practice it, you can feel it, you feel that difference, which is awesome.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_01: So, again, just to finish this piece off, what do you think the statement for you, your go-to statement, could be to remind you when you're feeling that fear, to let that go?
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_00: I kept saying on Sunday, grant me the clarity to see the to see the peace and to see the path to where I need to be.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_00: And even saying it now gives me a feeling of if things are okay, you know, life is not terrible.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_00: Life is actually really good.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: It sure is.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: And that and giving it over to God and asking for clarity without having to use our minds to go crazy trying to figure it out with our ego.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'll figure it out, I know more, I know better.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_01: No, give it over to that source and keep saying that statement, feel the peace.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_01: And when you feel the peace, what's gonna start to happen?
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's a great question.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure yet.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because so, in in that particular situation or that instance, I don't know what it was that I was what it was that was causing a disruption, but I can tell you I don't feel it anymore.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so what's going to happen is that you're going to feel the clarity and the peace for whatever it is that you're that's causing that disruption.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're that's 100% correct, and when you're feeling that peace, what starts happening as you move forward and you start taking actions and you start doing different things throughout your day.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, you consistently stay on that path towards that that peace, but then the clarity could be I need to have the clarity to make sure that I'm making the phone calls, or I need to have the clarity to make sure that I'm doing this or doing that, to continue on the path of where you want to be.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_01: And where do you have a better likelihood to have that thought of I gotta make those, I'm going to make those calls?
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have a better opportunity to have that when you're feeling peaceful or when you're completely stressed out and feeling anxious?
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, when you're feeling peaceful.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why feeling making peace a priority is so important.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_01: If you have to do something, we take the time to feel more peace.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_01: And the way that we can feel more peace, obviously, is going to gratitude, right?
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's like we've already said, let's just let me just keep going to gratitude.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_01: The more grateful I am for things, the better I and more peaceful I'll begin to feel.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_01: So let me hit the last thing here.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_01: The last thing was live from your essence.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_01: What does that mean?
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_01: This is what it said.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_01: You realize this entire process isn't about getting more.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about getting more money, it's not about getting more things, more material items.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's about becoming more.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's about shedding the fear and fully stepping into your true essence.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_01: So what do you what do you think about this as a process for yourself?
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_01: You feel the fear, you identify, you feel the fear, and then you know also, wait, I have this other path of helping others and having faith and just trusting.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_01: I know I have God within me.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_01: I know I can make peace the priority by feeling more grateful.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: I have this statement that I'll now say, God, I have complete faith and trust in you when I start feeling that fear.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then just living from that place.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_01: If you can start to practice doing that, it doesn't mean you're going to be perfect at it.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well, how will your life unfold moving forward?
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's how do I want to phrase this?
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_00: When you're consistently working on creating a peaceful life, you have an for me it's a sense of fulfillment that I've not had before, right?
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm doing the things that make me happy and create the feeling of that feeling of peace and gratitude within my life, right?
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so it doesn't matter what like what whether it's a personal possession or money or whatever.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_00: If you're happy where you're at, then you're gonna be happy where you're going.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_01: And not only that, you're gonna be happy where you're going, but when you're the odds of you getting more from a peaceful place are much higher than when you're feeling anxious and trying to force something into happening.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_01: That peaceful feeling.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_01: Go ahead.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_01: What were you gonna say?
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: You were you you got that feeling what you're you're right in the middle.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's okay.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_01: That feeling is if you're trying to get a goal, you're trying to achieve something.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_01: I want to hit that money goal, I want to get that new house, I want to be in that new relationship.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_01: The reason for those things is the feeling that you're gonna get from it.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_01: And most of the time, all the things that we're going for, what we really want from it is the feeling of peace.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_01: So if we can feel the peace now and we're on that frequency of our goal, which is if I have that house, if I have that new person in my life, I'm gonna feel really peaceful.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_01: But if we're feeling peaceful now, what are the chances of us, if we're on the road of peace, that we'll actually find that thing that we're searching for or get that thing that we're searching for?
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's a hundred percent of the time.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think of it like this like we've all had friends or relatives, or maybe it's it's even been us that you they they find for anything, whatever it might be.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like think of a woman who or a family that has is having trouble getting pregnant, and now there's all the fertility aids that are out there, and people spend tens of thousands of dollars doing fertility treatments and things like that.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you worried about people that spend thousands and thousands of dollars and none of that fertility treatment works?
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then when they stop worrying about it and they stop trying, quote unquote trying, it just happens.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_01: Man, that is a perfect example, right?
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_01: Force, I've got to.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta make this happen.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta make this happen.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_01: Imagine you're in a relation, you just start a new relationship with someone, and you really want it to work, and you're being needy and you're forcing it.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_00: What they can possibly turn off the other person and make the other person like what in the world was this person about?
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_01: So operating from a place of peace will actually put us in a place of being very confident because we know that it doesn't matter what happens, whether that relationship does work or doesn't work, God has my back, and I'll it'll take me to the next place I need to be.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: Just every other event that has happened in our life that we thought, why is this happening?
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_01: It was actually a gift and it brought us to that next place, like we discussed.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_01: And when we can be peaceful and trust that and keep reminding ourselves that we God has our back, life will unfold in a very beautiful way, and it will be way more peaceful.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_01: You are 100% correct.