Latest / Candid Coach Conversations / Stop Canceling on Yourself: Self-Care as a Standing Appointment

Transcript

Stop Canceling on Yourself: Self-Care as a Standing Appointment · Candid Coach Conversations

0:00
Often do you make yourself a priority?
0:02
That is today's topic of candid coach conversations.
0:06
I'm Kimberly Boyd, founder of Live Life Fully, and today I have
0:11
with me Savannah Burke, a certified Live Life Fully coach.
0:15
Good morning.
0:15
Good morning, Savannah.
0:17
So glad you're here.
0:18
Thank you for having me.
0:20
Yes. And today, Savannah, I really want to talk about
0:24
making yourself or oneself a priority.
0:27
And so when you hear that, like so curious, what comes to
0:32
mind or comes up for you when you hear the words making
0:38
yourself a priority?
0:39
That means to me doing things for me specifically, whether it be
0:45
self-care or getting my activities done, like working out, which could be
0:51
considered self-care, or making sure that my house is clean so my
0:57
anxiety doesn't go, you know, and taking care of myself and not
1:03
others.
1:04
That's what it means to me.
1:04
Love it.
1:05
Yeah. when you talked about different appointments, so
1:09
Mm-hmm.
1:10
I think that's so important because so many times I'm working with
1:15
people we're in a coaching session and self-care is so important and
1:19
Mm-hmm.
1:19
talking
1:20
about that because I think in order to live a more full
1:23
life, then you do have to take care of yourself and think
1:27
about what it is that you want in your life and are
1:30
you doing
1:31
that that will get you there.
1:32
So but I think the self care piece is so important because
1:36
Well and when I'm working with people and they're like, I d
1:39
I mean, I don't know.
1:41
I don't have time to go and they think it's gotta be
1:44
this big, huge, elaborate thing, and I'm like, Let's take a look
1:47
at what you're already doing.
1:48
Like things that you do
1:49
Right.
1:50
on regular basis. And let's say for example, it's a woman that
1:53
is going to get her nails done or a hair appointment, and
1:57
I'm like, Well tell me the reasons you do those things and
2:00
they start talking about, Well, I enjoy the massage or I whatever
2:04
it is. I'm like
2:04
Mm-hmm.
2:05
Then name it. Like I have a nail
2:07
Mm-hmm.
2:08
appointment today, and that is my form of self-care for the week.
2:12
Mm.
2:13
Set
2:14
that intention to it. So I love
2:15
Absolutely.
2:16
that you mentioned the different appointments and how that's a form of
2:21
self-care. Because a lot of times people don't even realize, like, that
2:24
Right.
2:26
is self-care.
2:27
So the other thing that pops up for me, and then I'm
2:32
wondering, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, is the
2:36
difference between self-prioritization, so making yourself a priority, the
2:39
Mm-hmm.
2:40
difference between that and selfishness.
2:44
Great question. It is never selfish to make yourself a priority because
2:48
if you don't take care of yourself, you can never take care
2:53
of anybody else or help anybody else.
2:55
It's kind of like, you know, in the airplanes when they say
3:00
put your mask on before putting a mask on someone else.
3:04
They've proven that you have to do that.
3:07
So by taking care of yourself, you are taking care of other
3:12
people.
3:12
So it is not selfish to take that time for you.
3:16
Whatever that time is, whether it is getting your nails done or
3:21
getting a pedicure or getting a manicure or getting your hair done.
3:26
Because a lot of times other people we do those for are
3:30
those things for ourselves and we also know that in some ways
3:35
it it'll please other people.
3:37
You know so you know my husband likes to likes it
3:41
likes my hair long. So to get healthy hair, I need to
3:45
make sure that I get it trimmed, you know, and it and
3:48
and the the longer it goes, the more I like it.
3:51
So it's it is for me and it is is somewhat for
3:55
him, but it's mo it's for me.
3:57
I like the way I look with longer hair.
4:00
I like the way I look with shorter hair too.
4:03
But I like I love having beautiful nails.
4:05
I find myself after I get my nails done
4:08
that I'm more delicate and it just it makes me feel good.
4:12
So I just feel like I'm like, you know, I'm very, I'm
4:16
very delicate with my hands, but the longer it goes, I'm like,
4:20
ugh. But when I get it done, it it gives me a
4:24
sense of peace and it and it gives me a sense of
4:28
well-being. And it's also a time for me to relax and catch
4:32
up with my nail took whom I absolutely love.
4:35
Ha ha.
4:36
And it gives me that time to to relax.
4:40
And that's so important.
4:40
So
4:42
yeah, where do you think this whole idea of taking care of
4:45
ourselves or making ourselves a priority, where do you think this idea
4:49
of being selfish, like where in the world does that come from?
4:53
I personally think it comes from society, from media, from jealousy, because
5:00
Yeah.
5:01
you have so many people out there that look at taking care
5:06
of yourself as taking away from others.
5:09
Mm.
5:10
You know, or they don't have the I just hit something, I
5:14
don't know what I hit.
5:17
I think you're muted now.
5:19
Can you hear me now?
5:20
Yes, happy Friday.
5:22
dang it. I'm just gonna blast my ears.
5:26
So it also I think comes from the I don't have the
5:31
time and if I don't have the time nobody else would need
5:36
to have the time either.
5:38
So wow, she's really selfish for going and doing this for herself
5:43
because I can't do it and therefore whatever.
5:47
Insert jealousy there.
5:49
Hmm.
5:50
Okay, so the whole idea of self making yourself a priority, that
5:54
selfish piece, do you think it's coming from society, it's coming from
5:58
a place of jealousy? I think it's fascinating about the jealousy
6:01
Mm-hmm.
6:01
piece. yeah. So how has this shown up in your life, Savannah?
6:06
I'm not really sure that it it necessarily has.
6:10
And if it has, I maybe don't know about it.
6:14
I don't
6:16
I I I don't know.
6:18
I there it could be out there and I j I and
6:23
nobody's ever said anything to me.
6:25
It I know that there have been times where I myself have
6:30
looked at something that other people have and I have envy, you
6:35
know, but I wouldn't necessarily say it's jealousy, and it it inspires
6:40
me to work harder to achieve that possible goal or to achieve
6:45
that outcome.
6:46
Hmm.
6:47
So I myself have never found myself being jealous of someone taking
6:51
care of their self in the way that there's that they need
6:55
to or supposed
6:56
Okay.
6:56
to and gone, that's not fair.
6:59
I have found myself looking mostly for me it's housing.
7:04
I get house in me so much.
7:07
You know, having a beautiful home that's that's
7:11
big and open and lots of space with with a beautiful backyard
7:15
or whatever and go, wow, I would really like to have that
7:19
Sunday. I w mm excuse me, I wonder what it would take
7:23
to do that. Well it would take me being able to take
7:27
my time back and do the things that I need to do
7:31
to be able to achieve that.
7:34
Absolutely. Yes. So I love that you said what would it take
7:38
because to get whatever it is or to do whatever it is.
7:42
It is so
7:43
Right.
7:43
important. That's what I love about coaching.
7:46
Yeah, mm-hmm.
7:46
I mean, had
7:48
it not been for coaching, I
7:50
The goals and the dreams that I had, they literally, I don't
7:54
think they would have happened.
7:56
Or maybe they would have, because I'm a pretty determined person.
7:59
Maybe they would have, but it certainly would have taken me so
8:03
much longer than it did if I hadn't had a coach.
8:06
The coaches were paid to push and
8:08
Uh-huh.
8:09
Like here I was. This is something I wanted.
8:13
Let's go with the having a we'll go with this most recent.
8:17
Yes.
8:18
So
8:18
last April at our retreat, at the renewal retreat, so April of
8:25
2025, I
8:26
Mm-hmm.
8:26
we were hot outside.
8:28
I mean the view is beautiful.
8:29
That was a fun day.
8:30
the view is beautiful and it is toasty warm.
8:33
And so we were and you Savannah, you know, but like we
8:38
were literally moving tables to stay with the shade around the yard.
8:42
I mean.
8:43
You want to talk about being grateful for some trees.
8:46
That was the day. But it was that day that I'm like,
8:49
okay, I wanted to have a place to hold events.
8:51
So we did that, met that goal.
8:53
Here I was. I was in no position to buy a place
8:56
to hold events. But I had to figure out like what it
8:59
was going to take. And I did have to make myself
9:01
Right.
9:02
and my goal a priority.
9:03
And so then found out the steps and did it.
9:06
Okay, so last April, fast forward, did that, got the place, had
9:10
the events, we sweat a lot.
9:12
But and last April 2025, I was like, we have to have
9:15
a building. We have
9:16
Right.
9:17
to have a building so that we don't suffocate.
9:19
It won't matter if the rain, because another retreat, we had rain,
9:23
we had a freeze. It was January.
9:23
Mm-hmm. Yes.
9:24
New Year, New Year
9:26
retreat. It was a freeze.
9:27
So boy howdy, we cleared, made space in the game room, and
9:31
we moved that sucker indoors.
9:33
But we had to have a building.
9:34
Right.
9:35
So
9:35
For October third, this upcoming event, we will have a building.
9:39
And we have ginormous windows, so the view is still there.
9:42
There will be an opportunity
9:43
Yes.
9:44
to go outside and find shade under the trees if people want
9:48
to, but we have a building.
9:50
So talking about what it is that you want and figuring out
9:53
what is it gonna take to get there, sitting
9:55
Mm.
9:56
down, being real with yourself, because and then people are like, Well,
10:00
but I don't have the money to do that.
10:03
It's so much more than about the money.
10:05
Right.
10:06
Absolutely. It's the dedication. It's the prioritization of you and your things,
10:13
your time,
10:13
Yeah.
10:14
your resources, your energy, all of it.
10:18
'Cause I think well, I've lived it is when I know what
10:22
it's gonna take, here I am.
10:24
This is what
10:24
Mm-hmm.
10:25
I want and it seems wild, it seems impossible maybe, it ridicul
10:30
whatever. Just figure it out.
10:33
It sounds crazy and
10:35
This is what it's gonna take.
10:36
And yes, the money is a factor a lot of times.
10:40
If it's you were talking about a house, like money is a
10:43
factor. But when you get real with yourself and make yourself the
10:46
priority and your goal the priority, and you measure in a way,
10:50
like this decision, is it in alignment with the person I need
10:53
to be and what I'm working on at this stage to get
10:56
up here to this goal?
10:58
Mm-hmm.
10:58
And that's
10:58
self that's not selfish. It's
11:01
No
11:01
just not.
11:02
Like I don't even know.
11:03
No That's
11:04
That's just not selfish.
11:06
growth at its finest.
11:08
Yes. And it makes your goals though so audacious audacious drink it
11:13
makes them a reality.
11:15
Mm-hmm.
11:16
And I will tell you, you have your story has been one
11:21
of the most inspirational things that has helped me make that mind
11:27
switch of me wanting bigger and better, me wanting different is not
11:32
a selfish thing. It is a self prioritization because I'm not doing
11:37
this for me. I'm not doing this selfishly.
11:41
I'm doing this for my family.
11:44
I'm doing this for my career.
11:46
I'm doing this for so many things, for other people, because I
11:51
want to be able to teach others how to do this.
11:55
Right. I love that you
11:56
And if
11:56
said that it's for others.
11:58
Like here's a whole another it's not a whole another like a
12:02
new another branch, a little twig.
12:04
Is when you said for others, like you're doing it and it
12:08
changes your mood. And when our mood is good, others benefit.
12:09
gosh. Yes.
12:11
Absolutely. Even
12:13
Yeah.
12:13
if it's even if you're talking on the phone, you can tell
12:16
when someone has a smile on their face.
12:18
yes.
12:19
You can tell
12:19
when they're happy. You could tell when they're sad.
12:23
You can tell when they're depressed.
12:25
You could tell all of these things.
12:27
And so when I call someone, I try to have a smile
12:31
on my face every time simply because it starts it out so
12:35
much better, so much brighter.
12:37
And you could instantly change someone's mood because they will they will
12:42
in turn match your cadence, match your smile.
12:45
Yes, 'cause we have mirror neurons in our brains.
12:48
Mm-hmm. Yes we do. Yes we do.
12:51
It's
12:51
kinda like when someone laughs, you laugh with them.
12:53
It doesn't matter
12:54
Right.
12:54
what they're laughing at. You just you can't help it.
12:57
Yes. Even if you don't yeah, you don't know what in the
13:00
world is so funny. And you sometimes I'll
13:01
Right.
13:01
find myself say like I have no idea what I'm even laughing
13:05
Yeah.
13:06
about. Anyway, when
13:07
Meredith, our daughter, tells a funny story.
13:10
Well and I'd probably do this too, but I have a hard
13:13
time getting all the words out.
13:14
She has a hard time getting all the words out because she
13:17
is laughing so hard. And then I'm laughing because she her anyway,
13:20
yes. It's just that little thing.
13:22
And laughter is so good and it's it's a great way to
13:25
make yourself a priority is through laughter as well.
13:25
Yes, absolutely.
13:28
Absolutely, because that's part of taking care of yourself is no we
13:33
can't make people be happy.
13:35
We can't make people be sad.
13:37
We choose to to be happy, sad, angry, whatever.
13:41
You know, so what would be the reason someone would choose to
13:46
be upset when you could choose to be happy and you could
13:51
choose to make yourself a priority because it will benefit others.
13:55
Because when
13:55
Yeah.
13:56
you're happy you share it.
13:58
True. And when you're unhappy you share it.
14:01
gosh, yes, absolutely you do.
14:03
Without even without even opening your mouth.
14:04
For sure. Mm-hmm.
14:06
You know, that old saying if mom or daddy ain't happy, ain't
14:12
nobody happy. It is it's true, 'cause why not be happy?
14:17
And I said why, but what's the reason?
14:20
The reason to be happy.
14:20
Right. What prevents you?
14:22
Yes,
14:23
absolutely. And if if it does
14:25
my gosh.
14:26
So talk to me about putting because I know this is something
14:29
that you do. And so talk to us about putting yourself on
14:33
your own calendar. Like what does that mean and how does it
14:37
look?
14:37
Putting yourself on your own calendar means making I sit down every
14:42
morning and I I I write out my ca my activities for
14:46
the day, whether that
14:47
Mm-hmm.
14:48
is, you know, work and then reading or working out, whatever it
14:52
is, I make sure it's on my calendar.
14:55
That way, if someone comes up to me and says, Hey Savannah,
15:00
I really need help with this.
15:02
I then go back to my calendar and I look, I'm like,
15:07
mm, okay. So I can I can guarantee help you, however, yes,
15:11
and like when we talked about boundaries, yes, and it's not gonna
15:16
be until six o'clock. It's not gonna be until tomorrow.
15:20
Is that acceptable? Yes. Okay, I'm gonna write it on my schedule.
15:25
I'm gonna write it on my planner.
15:28
And that way
15:29
I can take care of my stuff and still help someone else.
15:32
And there was a second part of that question and now I
15:35
don't remember it. Would you please repeat?
15:36
What it does what does it look like?
15:38
Like putting yourself on your calendar, what does that mean?
15:41
What does it look like?
15:42
Putting yourself first, putting your your your activities, your needs, your boundaries,
15:47
whatever it is that you need to do for yourself, your self
15:51
care, because it is important to put that self care on there
15:56
as well. Because life lies.
15:58
We all know that. And if I don't have on my calendar,
16:03
hey, you've got a hair appointment at this time, I will certainly
16:08
go right
16:09
Rough right all over it and go, Yeah, I'm gonna schedule this,
16:13
this, and this, and go, man, now I have to go back
16:17
and sorry and and cancel.
16:19
And nine times out of ten, before I started coaching, I would
16:24
my gosh.
16:24
have canceled on myself. But my coach,
16:26
my coach taught me that it's okay to make myself a priority.
16:32
Hmm. Yeah, do not
16:34
And so now
16:36
cancel on yourself.
16:37
Exactly. Now I say, hey, I've got something at this time that
16:42
I didn't remember in the moment.
16:44
Would you be willing to change?
16:46
Would you be willing to move?
16:48
And if not, okay, unfortunately I need to cancel and reschedule with
16:53
you because
16:53
Huh.
16:54
I have something else.
16:56
Yes. So I love that you brought up the whole canceling on
17:01
yourself because I don't believe in that.
17:03
We cannot do that. and here's the thing.
17:04
No. I said too many years.
17:06
Like would we cancel? That's like no showing ourselves.
17:09
We would not do that to others.
17:10
We wouldn't do it if we
17:11
Right.
17:12
told our child, I will be at your performance at three o'clock.
17:16
We're not gonna not show
17:17
Mm-hmm.
17:18
up. I mean, unless I
17:20
Big picture, I get that things happen.
17:22
And big picture, we're not gonna just not show up for the
17:26
people we love. We're not gonna show up if our if we
17:29
told our boss we're gonna do something, we're gonna do it because
17:32
we wanna keep our job.
17:33
Well that's the thing.
17:34
Yeah.
17:34
If you you're like if you say I have a nail appointment
17:38
or I have a hair appointment or I have a fishing appointment
17:42
or I have a mass like keep it.
17:44
Mm.
17:45
keep the appointment with yourself.
17:47
I was coaching a man who his release, whatever, was fishing.
17:52
And yet
17:52
Okay.
17:53
you would never know that if you looked at his calendar and
17:56
we did. We looked at his calendar.
17:58
You would not know that this man enjoyed fishing.
18:01
You in fact you wouldn't even know he was a fisherman at
18:05
all. His calendar, when we looked at it, was all this stuff
18:09
about work. All of it.
18:11
And then his child's baseball game, the kids' events that he was
18:13
Mm-hmm.
18:15
in charge of driving,
18:16
the parent taxi. So all
18:17
Yeah.
18:18
of that was there, but there was nothing about fishing on his
18:21
calendar. There was nothing about haircuts.
18:22
And so I had mentioned that I was like, well
18:25
You look as if you get haircuts.
18:27
Do you get haircuts? And he said, Yeah.
18:29
And I'm like, Well tell me how those get scheduled and he's
18:32
like, I mean when it gets to the point where I'm looking
18:35
like Shaggy DA the dog, then I will call and get an
18:38
appointment. I'm like, Huh. Well how often does that happen?
18:41
He's like, it's like at least once a month.
18:43
I gotta go in once a month.
18:45
Sometimes I can push it to five or six weeks, but I'm
18:48
kinda looking like Shaggy the dog.
18:50
Shaggy the DA dog.
18:51
So he knew the this timeline that anywhere from four to
18:55
Mm-hmm.
18:56
six weeks he's gonna need a haircut or he's gonna look like
18:59
a shaggy dog. So we u I use that approach with him,
19:01
like get it on the counter.
19:03
Go ahead and book
19:03
Yeah, yeah.
19:04
advance. If you know your look your best at once a month
19:08
haircuts, how about the first Friday of every month?
19:12
You have a haircut. Make it a thing.
19:13
Absolutely. Make yourself a priority.
19:15
Okay.
19:16
And then once he did that, he was like, this is so
19:20
much easier. I don't have to worry about, shoot, when am I
19:23
gonna have time to get my hair cut?
19:25
Mm-hmm. Right.
19:26
It was already there. So from that
19:28
we went into fishing and I'm like, How often do you want
19:31
to fish? And he's like, At least once a month.
19:34
What day of the week?
19:35
If if all things were golden, what day of the week could
19:39
you fish? Sunday afternoons.
19:40
What's gotten in the way of putting that on the calendar?
19:42
Well, I need to make sure that my wife doesn't need me
19:44
like the kids and I'm like, How often does that happen on
19:46
Sunday afternoons? Not very, we're just usually at the house.
19:49
First Sunday of every month, fishing on the calendar.
19:52
Mm. I bet.
19:53
That changed his life. Like
19:56
he will say that. He wrote about it, a little testimony about
19:59
That's amazing.
20:00
I get to go fishing every month.
20:03
And from that he started
20:04
Yes.
20:04
scheduling things differently on his schedule and he actually fishes more often
20:10
now than he did before.
20:12
simply by making that a himself the priority.
20:16
Yes.
20:16
I
20:16
like to fish. It brings me peace.
20:19
This and what he realizes, dang, that's something I can do with
20:22
my kids the first Sunday of the month.
20:25
Wife can come too or she can go do whatever.
20:28
Mm-hmm.
20:28
Like that ripple effect took place.
20:32
Absolutely
20:33
it did because he made himself a priority.
20:36
It's we think it's so easy to cancel on ourselves and really
20:41
what it's about is accountability.
20:43
A lot of people don't have accountability because an accountability sometimes can
20:48
feel icky, sometimes can they think it can sometimes get in the
20:54
way of other things. And or it's just it's easier.
20:58
For them to say again goes back to boundaries, I don't matter
21:03
as much as everybody else, so I can cancel on myself.
21:08
And then that leads to
21:11
Negative feelings about yourself self, negative feelings, negative thoughts, all of that
21:15
brings the countenance down. You project that out, brings the countenance down
21:20
of everybody else. And then the next thing you know, you're you're
21:25
you're around a bunch of negative Nancy's, and you don't want to
21:29
Gross.
21:29
do that. Exactly. Yes,
21:31
rude, rude. Yes.
21:33
So rude. So rude.
21:36
So
21:37
Have that accountability with yourself because you matter just as much as
21:43
everyone else.
21:44
So true. So true.
21:47
yes. And you have to make yourself a priority 'cause if you
21:51
don't, no one else will more than likely.
21:55
So yes, make yourself a priority.
21:58
It's not selfish. It is necessary.
22:02
Yes, and I also think it we're talking about that ripple effect.
22:06
whether you have children or not, if you have grandchildren or not,
22:09
if you have like even if you have friends, or maybe you
22:13
don't have friends. If you don't have friends, call me, I'll be
22:17
your friend.
22:18
Me too.
22:19
People are watching. And when you make yourself a priority, you are
22:24
showing others, your loved ones, your friends, you're showing them that they
22:29
matter too, and it's okay for themselves to make themselves a prior
22:34
for them to make themselves a priority.
22:35
Yes. Yes. Absolutely.
22:37
So yeah. I love it.
22:39
I love the whole ripple effect.
22:41
And it's showing them how to love you and how you want
22:45
to be loved because that is still love.
22:47
Yeah.
22:47
Self-love
22:48
is love.
22:49
So Yes. And
22:49
So good. So good.
22:52
then they teach others.
22:54
So I guess for the audience, I guess what I want to
22:57
leave them with today is where can it I'm I want to
23:01
answer the question for themselves.
23:03
Like, where can you put yourself on your calendar with hearts around
23:06
it or stars around it?
23:08
Because you are a star and it is a form of self-love.
23:11
So where can you put yourself on your calendar?
23:15
notes about how you feel when you're doing it and when you
23:19
follow through and keep that commitment to yourself so that you can
23:23
live life more fully. Where can you put yourself on your calendar?
23:27
Savannah what about you? What do you want to leave our listeners
23:31
with today?
23:31
Make yourself a priority because you matter.
23:34
Do the things for you so you can then do the things
23:38
for your family and
23:40
Love every minute of it.
23:42
Love yourself. Love yourself more.
23:45
Yes.
23:46
Yes.
23:47
So good. Savannah, thank you so much for being with us today
23:51
on Candid Coach Conversations. And to our listeners,
23:52
Thank you.
23:53
thank you for joining us today and listening.
23:56
Make yourself a priority. You do matter.
23:59
Put yourself first and get yourself on your calendar.
24:02
Remember to live life fully and enjoy every moment.
24:05
Until next time, we are wishing you a fantastic day.