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Matt Walsh Explains The Dark Reality Of A Stay-At-Home Husband · The Matt Walsh Show

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Well, you younger folks won't remember this, but there was
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: a time not very long ago when we had certain
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: words we would use to describe useless men who sit
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: around all day doing nothing. We would call them deadbeats, bums, losers.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: If they were particularly lazy and incompetent, we'd call them congressmen.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: These days, there's another term that has suddenly entered common parlance.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: The media have been breathlessly reporting about the rise of
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: so-called stay-at-home boyfriends. The Daily Mail has this headline this week.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Stay-at-home boyfriend becomes the new housewife as women outnumber men
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: in the workforce for the third time in history. Now,
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: as for how many of the men who've left the
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: workforce have now embraced the unseemly life of a stay-at-home boyfriend,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: the Daily Mail provides no data. Fortune also reports this
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: month that stay-at-home boyfriends have become an economic trend. But again,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: they're kind of light on actual data. Here's how they
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: describe the phenomenon.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: Watch.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: The stay-at-home boyfriend is someone who has either intentionally left
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: the workforce or someone who has either never tried or
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: really has felt dejected that they wouldn't even be able
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: to get into it in the first place. Since 1990,
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: we've had 7 million jobs where men outnumbered women, and
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: now that's gone to basically zero. This is a non-temporary adjustment.
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: Only three times it's happened in history. According to Laura Ulrich,
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: the economist at Indeed, it's not going to be a
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: temporary thing. It's going to be permanent. Women will outnumber men.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Now, it would seem quite unfair to assume that every
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: man not currently employed is a stay-at-home boyfriend or a
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: stay-at-home man of any kind. The stay-at-home man isn't just
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: any man who happened to lose his job.
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: He is a man who has made a lifestyle choice.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: He has decided to drop out of the workforce on
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: a permanent or long-term basis so that a woman can
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: provide for him. Now, in fairness, it's hard to tabulate
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: the precise number of stay-at-home boyfriends. For one thing, there
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: is no official census that quantifies this particular demographic.
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: And for another, a.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Man who is not married, has no kids, and stays
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: at home while his girlfriend takes care of him can
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: only barely be said to exist at all in the
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: first place. I mean, this is a man so flimsy
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: and frail, a man of such little consequence. that it
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: would be hard to count him or notice him even
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: if he were sitting in the room with you. So
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: the lack of data is understandable. Stay-at-home husbands, on the
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: other hand, can be counted. There are over 2 million
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: stay-at-home husbands in America, according to the latest survey. They
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: now make up 20% of all stay-at-home parents, and this
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: proportion has doubled over the last few decades. We can
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: extrapolate from the sharp uptick in stay-at-home husbands that the
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: community of stay-at-home boyfriends has also expanded. There probably is
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: some overlap here. A stay-at-home boyfriend graduates in some cases
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: to a stay-at-home husband. And then when he dies, he
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: reincarnates into a barnacle. And then when he dies again,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: he goes back to being a stay-at-home boyfriend. It's kind
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: of like this cosmic cycle that repeats infinitely. Now, I'm
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: going to have some harsh criticism, which is out of
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: character for me, I realize. towards the house boyfriends and
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: the house husbands, I can see that the latter group
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: is less offensive than the former, though still problematic for
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: reasons I will explain. But before I critique the men,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: and in the interests of equity and inclusion, which are
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: values I hold close to my heart, as you know,
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: I must lecture the women. Because if I know anything
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: about women, it's that they enjoy being lectured by men,
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: especially by men.
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: Who are podcasters.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: So this will be a very satisfying experience for the
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: women in the audience. And much of the commentary about
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: the stay-at-home man trend has been distinctly insulting and condescending
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: in tone, which includes the commentary you're currently listening to.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: But it's interesting to note that women, especially women in media,
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: have been especially harsh about it, unashamedly so.
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: Watch.
• 3:59
  Speaker 5: The stay at home boyfriend is now an economic trend
• 4:03
  Speaker 5: as more women than men go to work. And the
• 4:06
  Speaker 5: reason they found is that fewer young men, Maggie, are
• 4:09
  Speaker 5: entering the workforce than their fathers, their parents were. Is
• 4:13
  Speaker 5: this a trend that you are noticing personally? And what
• 4:16
  Speaker 5: do you think about this?
• 4:17
  Speaker 6: Well, on the internet, we call those men NEET, so
• 4:20
  Speaker 6: they're not in education, employment, or training. I think a
• 4:24
  Speaker 6: lot of men feel really comfortable sitting online all day long.
• 4:28
  Speaker 6: That's a very comforting space for them. And if they're
• 4:31
  Speaker 6: being financially supported, whether by parents or a girlfriend, God
• 4:36
  Speaker 6: knows why that woman chose them, then of course they
• 4:39
  Speaker 6: can continue to do that. I think that's very disturbing.
• 4:42
  Speaker 6: I would not have a stay-at-home boyfriend personally.
• 4:45
  Speaker 7: We're getting more of the jobs. We're earning more of
• 4:48
  Speaker 7: the paychecks. It's on our shoulders, this responsibility. The idea
• 4:53
  Speaker 7: that a boyfriend would live with me and that I
• 4:55
  Speaker 7: would support him. What's he doing all day? Bonbons on
• 4:59
  Speaker 7: the sofa watching soap opera?
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: That would never fly.
• 5:01
  Speaker 7: I don't think so, but that's just me.
• 5:03
  Speaker 8: If you listen to Destiny's Child, ladies, leave your man
• 5:06
  Speaker 8: at home. Probably because he can't afford a night out.
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: There's also the old school.
• 5:11
  Speaker 6: Ain't nothing going on but the rent.
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: Got to have a J-O-B if you want to be
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: with me. It's a no for me, y'all.
• 5:19
  Speaker 9: It's so hard out here.
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: Is it hard? You are a beautiful, successful woman.
• 5:23
  Speaker 8: Single woman because You know what I have found? And
• 5:27
  Speaker 8: don't send me, don't at me, don't send me the emails.
• 5:30
  Speaker 8: Nine times out of ten, a man is intimidated by
• 5:33
  Speaker 8: a woman that has more money than them. And so,
• 5:37
  Speaker 8: but then there's this new generation of men that are
• 5:40
  Speaker 8: looking for a sugar mama.
• 5:41
  Speaker 9: No.
• 5:42
  Speaker 8: They're looking for a lady to take care of them.
• 5:44
  Speaker 8: And they want to be kind of like, look, the
• 5:46
  Speaker 8: men in here are all human.
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: They're all like, no, no, no.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: I'll be the first to admit that stay-at-home moms have
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: dealt with contempt and condescension from the girl boss feminist types,
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: but rarely anything as explicit and unabashed as this. Certainly
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: not from news anchors and commentators on TV. You're not
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: going to hear anybody on a mainstream news channel say
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: about women who stay home what these women just said
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: about men who stay home.
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: What are you doing all day? Eating bonbons? You bums.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: Go get jobs, you deadbeats. What, you just want a
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: man to take care of you? You need a J-O-B
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: if you want to be with me. Now, this, again,
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: is the kind of open scorn and ridicule that would
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: only ever be heaped on men. And it's very interesting
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: considering the source. I mean, all of these modern, empowered
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: feminist women got exactly what they said they wanted, and
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: now they're complaining about it. They whined that men were
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: the ones who got to go out and earn a living,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Men had the fun job. They were able to leave
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: the house and work for a company somewhere. Oh, working
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: for a company. That's gotta be so much. You get
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: to go work for a company. You don't have to
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: stay home. Like you get to go work in a
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: building for a company. You get like a W-2 income.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: You get to fill out a W-9. Those damned men
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: got to escape the home and go gallivanting around their cubicle,
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: free as gazelles, you know, prancing through a field. those
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: men with their jobs and their financial responsibilities.
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: It's not fair.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: And the feminists wanted in on that action, right? There's
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: no reason why men should be the breadwinners. Women can
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: be breadwinners too. Well, here you go, feminists. Your wish
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: has been granted. And guess what? You hate it. You
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: hate everything. And you also hate this. So I suppose
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: that should come as no surprise.
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: Here's what happened. Women looked at the meal that.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Men had been eating for millennia and demanded that they
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: be served the exact same food in the exact same portions.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: And then they got a taste of it and they
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: nearly vomited from the taste. So it's a little bit
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: like when I was a kid and I would always
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: ask my dad, you know, for a sip of his
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: beer because it looked frothy and delicious. Like it looked
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: like a milkshake. I always thought like it looks like
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: a milkshake. And he would always say no until one
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: day he finally said, all right, fine, here, take a sip.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: And I took one sip and I was horrified. I
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: was I was confused.
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: It was bitter. It was awful.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: It tastes nothing like a milkshake. And I think a
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: very similar process is playing out right now with feminists
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: in the workforce. You know, it's not just these random
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: women on cable news, by the way. The statistics consistently
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: bear this out. So for marriages where the woman is
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: the primary breadwinner, the divorce rate is three times higher
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: than marriages where the male is the primary breadwinner. And
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: that's just when the woman earns more money, even when
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: the man is also earning a living. In cases where
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: the woman is the sole breadwinner, the divorce rate is
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: five times higher. So feminists got the thing they said
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: they wanted, to play the role of a man, to
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: be the patriarch.
• 9:10
  Speaker 8: Right?
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  Speaker 1: To bring home the bacon, to reverse the gender roles
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: once and for all. And now they don't want it anymore.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: A tale as old as time. And why don't they
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: want it? Well, because they've realized that being the provider,
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: carrying the weight of that obligation.
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: Is a burden. It is an act of service. It
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: is a duty. It is not a perk.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: It's actually not necessarily fun. When you are the one
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: who leaves the house and earns a living and you
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: support the family, the financial future of the family, everything,
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: the house, the food, all rests on you. Well, turns
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: out that that's actually really hard. That's actually difficult. That
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: actually requires a lot of sacrifice. Now, if you're a
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: woman who detests the very thought of being the breadwinner
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: in your household, and most women do detest the thought
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: of that, whether they say it out loud or not,
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: they detest it. Well, you should consider why. You detest
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: it so much. It's because it seems like a burden
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: to you. It seems like an expectation placed unevenly on
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: your shoulders. And you're not wrong to see it that way.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: And you're not wrong to recoil at the idea of
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: being the breadwinner for a man. It doesn't make you selfish.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: It actually just makes you normal. But it should give
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: you a deeper appreciation, at least, for what men have
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: been doing for many centuries. What many men still do today.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: They have been carrying that uneven expectation, that burden, mostly
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: without complaint. And not only that, but men, the good
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: ones anyway, actually find deep joy in carrying that load
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: and providing for the ones they love.
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: You know, you've.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Got these feminists that we just saw there that they
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: can't even imagine finding joy in that. Finding joy in
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: that I have to provide for all these people who
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: aren't me?
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: They can't even imagine that.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: And yet, of course, that has not prompted feminists to
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: reevaluate their assessment of the patriarchy and the traditional role
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: that men played in society, even though they've now seen
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: firsthand that the man's role was one of service, of love,
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: of sacrifice. It's not actually a vacation. to leave the
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: house and work a job. It's not a source of
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: unending thrills and amusement.
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: It's work. It's hard.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: Which is why feminists got the briefest glimpse of life
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: on the other side of the fence and are horrified. Now,
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: if you were very naive, you might hope that this
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: would indeed at least give feminists a newfound appreciation for men.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: But feminists are not capable of appreciating anything, least of
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: all men. So they'll hate you because they've never walked
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: a mile in your shoes. And then they'll walk a
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: mile in your shoes and they'll complain about how much
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: their feet hurt and they'll take the shoes off and
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: they'll fling them at your head and demand that you
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: put them back on. And through the whole process, they
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: will never develop even the faintest hint of empathy for you.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: That's the feminist way. So now that we've dealt with
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: the feminists, let's flip the conversation over to the men.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to spend any more time addressing stay-at-home
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: boyfriends specifically because I take it as utterly self-evident that
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: men who aren't married and have no kids and choose
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: to live off of the patronage of their girlfriends are
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: ridiculous creatures who bring shame to themselves and their entire
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: ancestral lineage. Truly, if you are a stay-at-home boyfriend and
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: your great-grandfather could have peered into the future to see
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: what would become of his bloodline, he almost certainly would
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: have flung himself into the sea. And nobody could have
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: blamed him for doing so. That's all that really can
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: be said about such men. And I use the term
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: men about as loosely as it can be used. So instead,
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: let's deal with stay-at-home husbands. Now, as established, it's much
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: easier to quantify this population. We know that their ranks
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: are expanding rapidly and have been for many years now.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: The stay-at-home husband at least might have children to care for, usually.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: So he does something. He plays a role in the family.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: But it is still disordered. It is still upside down
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: and backwards for a man to embrace this role as
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: a lifestyle choice on a full-time basis.
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: Now, caveats.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: Obviously, we're not talking about temporary unemployment or We're not
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: talking about a situation where disability or sickness or some
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: other unforeseen, uncontrollable thing has forced a man to leave
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: the workforce. We're not talking about that. And clearly we're
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: not defining a stay-at-home husband as a husband who is
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: at home because he works from home.
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: Not talking about that either.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: Here we mean, or at least I mean, a man
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: who has chosen by his own free will to leave
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: the workforce and be a house husband while his wife,
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: takes over as breadwinner. And I know that we're supposed
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: to be very tolerant and very accepting of those kinds
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: of arrangements these days, but tolerance and acceptance have never
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: been my strong suits. And besides, even if I could
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: learn to stop worrying and love the stay-at-home husband trend,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: and I can't, the fact remains that women, the wives
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: who have to bring home the bacon, they don't love it.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: Some of them might say they do, but the divorce
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: rate speaks for itself. Marriages are much, much more likely
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: to fall apart if the man is not working.
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: That is the reality.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: And there is a reason for that. So let's explore
• 15:05
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• 15:07
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• 16:16
  Speaker 1: saving today. The reasons can perhaps best be explored through
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: real-world examples, I think. There's a considerable volume of stay-at-home-husband
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: videos on social media, especially TikTok. And they are very helpful,
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: though of course unintentional, in illustrating the problems with this arrangement,
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: like this one, watch.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: As a full-time stay-at-home dad, most days I spend hours
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: at a time like this. When my house looks like this.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: Before long, I'm in my head. I'm spiraling. I'm telling
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: myself I'm worthless, that I don't do anything. But then
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: I remember that I do. I provide for her needs.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: If you find yourself in a similar situation, then you
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: deserve that grace and compassion as well. Hold your babies
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: when they sleep. Take a nap with them. It's really
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: good for you both.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: Well, your house is disgusting, first of all. It looks
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: like a third-world refugee encampment. It looks like you haven't
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: used a vacuum since the Bush administration. Your house resembles
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: the inside of a homeless guy's tent. And you kind
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: of resemble the homeless guy in the tent, so I
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: guess that makes sense. Now, in fairness, this kind of
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: video is not unique to the stay-at-home dad genre. There
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: are plenty of videos like this posted by stay-at-home moms.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: And those videos are a subgenre in a larger category
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: of videos that people make intended to advertise their shortcomings,
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: hoping that their shamelessness will be mistaken for honesty and
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: that the supportive comments, all from other people also looking
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: to excuse their own vices, will make them feel better
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: about being so dysfunctional and lazy. People love doing that
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: these days. That's what so much of social media is now.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, a lot of people still say that the
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: thing with social media is everyone tries to present their
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: life like they're perfect. Everybody wants to present this perfect life.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: And there is a lot of that on social media,
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: but the opposite also happens and is worse because the
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: opposite is what we just saw. The opposite is somebody
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: making a video saying, look how terrible I am. Look
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: what a slob I am. Look how awful. Look at
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: me not doing anything. My life is in total disarray
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: and disrepair. Look at that, everybody. And the reason they
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: do that, again, is they are trying to normalize it
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: within themselves. They want to do that and they want
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: to get comments and they want the comments to say, oh,
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: I'm not the only one. Oh, you're so brave for
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: being honest. Oh, this is just real. Thank you for
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: being so real and genuine. And then they can say, oh,
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: I guess it's okay.
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: Like, I guess.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, you know, I'm not lazy for refusing to clean
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: up the living room and run a vacuum. I'm actually brave.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: I'm a real, genuine, bold, brave person.
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: That's the idea.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: Now, the truth is that it's unacceptable to live like
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: a slob. To live like that is a moral failing.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: And you don't need to sit on your couch all
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: day to hold the baby, by the way. Okay, the
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: baby doesn't need to be held every second of the day.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Baby really doesn't need that. In fact, it's much healthier
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: for the baby to be put down in a crib
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: or on a mat on the ground if the trade-off
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: is that she isn't forced to live in a nuclear
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: waste zone. If you want to prioritize your daughter, stop
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: forcing her to grow up in a landfill. If you're
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: staying at home, you are the homemaker. The home has
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: to be made every day. It is unmade and made
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: over and over again. Putting it back together is your job.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: Maintaining it, seeing to it, making sure that it is
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: clean and organized and functional and a pleasant place to
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: live is your whole responsibility. But this guy isn't trying
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: to present an argument in defense of being a stay-at-home husband.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: He's just kind of showing us a slice of stay-at-home
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: husband life. And that slice of life is so horrible
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: that I've been plunged into a state of secondhand despair
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: just by looking at it. And there are a lot
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: of these types of videos on TikTok. Some of them
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: are much glossier, much more put together, less visible filth
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: in the frame, and yet still somehow no less despair-inducing.
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: Watch.
• 20:31
  Speaker 9: Welcome back to my morning routine as a stay-at-home dad.
• 20:33
  Speaker 9: So I get the day rolling with our normal routine.
• 20:36
  Speaker 9: But today the kids weren't interested in listening to Tony's. Instead,
• 20:38
  Speaker 9: they just wanted to play with some of their animal toys.
• 20:40
  Speaker 9: It was time to feed Belle, and then we decided
• 20:42
  Speaker 9: what was for breakfast. So we got it rolling, and
• 20:44
  Speaker 9: we threw in some turkey bacon, some eggs, scrambled those
• 20:46
  Speaker 9: bad boys up. Charlie had to help, of course. And
• 20:49
  Speaker 9: let me tell you, these two kids can make a
• 20:50
  Speaker 9: pretty good breakfast. It always feels good to kickstart the
• 20:53
  Speaker 9: week on a good note, and I love our Monday
• 20:55
  Speaker 9: mornings together. So I got both of them dressed. Then
• 20:57
  Speaker 9: it was my turn to tackle Charlie's hair since Mom
• 20:59
  Speaker 9: was still.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: Getting ready for the day.
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: You want me to try and do a braid?
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: A braid. You want me to try and do a braid?
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: Try to do a braid.
• 21:04
  Speaker 7: Okay.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: I know how to do a braid. I know how
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: to do a braid.
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: You got it?
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: What do you think? Do you want to see the braid?
• 21:10
  Speaker 9: Boom! I'm strong!
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: Braids!
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: I'm brave! I love! I can do it!
• 21:17
  Speaker 9: She was so cute this morning. I didn't even have
• 21:19
  Speaker 9: to start her affirmations. She decided to hop up on
• 21:21
  Speaker 9: the sink and just start screaming at the mirror. She
• 21:23
  Speaker 9: is definitely her mama's daughter. She's so confident and I
• 21:26
  Speaker 9: love it. I love seeing how much she's just like
• 21:28
  Speaker 9: her mama. After we dropped off some coffee, it was
• 21:30
  Speaker 9: time to head outside. and do a little walk around
• 21:32
  Speaker 9: the neighborhood. Then we headed home to play around in
• 21:34
  Speaker 9: the front yard for a little bit.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: Now look, I'm sure this guy is a nice guy.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: Cute kids, they seem happy. He keeps the house clean
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: at least, at least when he's making a TikTok video
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: he does. But when you see the house husband spending
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: his day brushing hair, making breakfast, taking the kids to
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: the park, bringing drinks and meals to his wife, It
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: was like sitting at the.
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: Computer doing a job.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: You immediately recognize it as somehow disordered, wrong, unnatural. Now,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: you might feel bad for recognizing that.
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: I don't, but you might.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: But you do recognize it. And that is not some
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: idle bigotry. It's thousands of years of human experience. In
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: every society that has ever existed from ancient times until today,
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: men have always been tasked with providing material sustenance for
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: the family. That has always been, always, fundamentally the man's job.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Whether they were going out to hunt or farm or
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: earn a paycheck, men have, for thousands of years, left
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: the house, gone out into the world or down to
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: the field or into the woods to fight and kill
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: and provide. that has always been the man's role everywhere
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: in one form or another. Now, the fact that it's
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: always been that way is a pretty good indication, perhaps
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: not always decisive on its own, but a pretty good
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: indication that it's meant to be that way. Or at
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: the very least, if something has always been a certain way, always, always,
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: always for thousands of years, before you change it, you
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: should be very, clear about why it was that way
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: before and why you're changing it. I think it's GK
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: Chesterton makes this point about you're walking along and there's
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: a fence. Just because a fence is there, does that
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: mean the fence should be there forever? Like every fence
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: that's ever been erected, does that mean that none of
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: them should ever be torn down?
• 23:44
  Speaker 4: Not necessarily.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: But before you start tearing down that fence, you better
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: be damn well sure why the fence was, who put
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: it there? How long has it been there? And why
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: is it there? And if you don't know why the
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: fence is there, you are a fool for tearing it down.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: You're going to get your face mauled off by a
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: pit bull if you're tearing down the fence without knowing
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: why it's there. And of course, our society has been
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: doing a version of that for many years, just coming
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: across every fence we see, except for actual fences like
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: border walls. But every metaphorical fence we see in our culture,
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: we just say, oh, that shouldn't be there. Oh, that's
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: like a restriction. That's a thing that's telling me what
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: to do. It must be wrong. Now, can we go
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: against our biology and nature and experience and the wisdom
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: of our ancestors and totally rewrite the program, flipping these
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: gender roles upside down?
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: Yes, we can. Is it a good idea?
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: Does it work? Does it make us happier? Does it
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: make our families stronger, healthier? Well, the proof is in
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: the pudding. Marriages tend to fall apart quicker and more
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: often when the roles are reversed. And multiple studies, including
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: one recently, have found that stay-at-home husbands are more likely
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: to be depressed, more likely to feel isolated, stressed. And
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: the women set off to work jobs outside the home
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: are also more likely to be depressed. As we discussed
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: this week, working moms are more likely, not less, to
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: be on psychiatric drugs than stay-at-home moms. So it turns
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: out that gender roles are not arbitrary. They are, in fact,
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: reflections of our inherent nature women are more suited to
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: the role of homemaker and caretaker. And to begin with,
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: it's not an incidental fact that women are also the
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: ones who bear children. There's a lot of practical reasons
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: why the person in the marriage who carries the child
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: in her womb and then births that child, like that
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: is also the person who stays home with the kids.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: That makes a lot of sense. Men, on the other hand,
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: are more suited to go out into the world and
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: earn and provide and conquer. That doesn't mean the roles
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: can't be flipped. It doesn't mean the roles can't be
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: shared in some way, as they often are these days,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: and sometimes you have no choice. It doesn't mean that
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: you can't do things differently. It just means that men
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: and women are, in fact, different. We have different strengths
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: and weaknesses. We are made to complement each other. This
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: is a basic fact of our human nature, that the
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: modern world has been desperately trying to escape, but it
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: hasn't escaped it, and it never will. The divorce and
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: depression rates should be evidence enough of that. But apparently
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: it's not enough evidence, at least according to this guy,
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: whose name is Owen.
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: Squires, by the way.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: Watch.
• 26:32
  Speaker 10: Being a stay-at-home dad the last five years has caused
• 26:35
  Speaker 10: me to grow resentful toward other men. I feel like
• 26:38
  Speaker 10: as a guy, the more accomplished you are, the more
• 26:41
  Speaker 10: achievements you have, the more hobbies you're involved in, the
• 26:43
  Speaker 10: better shape you're in. the more likely you ain't shit
• 26:47
  Speaker 10: as a dad. Like being a stay-at-home parent causes you
• 26:50
  Speaker 10: to see through the bullshit really quick. Like I can
• 26:53
  Speaker 10: have a brief interaction and be like, oh, mom's doing
• 26:56
  Speaker 10: literally all the work in that family. Like most guys,
• 26:59
  Speaker 10: when they ask me what I do for work and
• 27:00
  Speaker 10: I tell them I'm a stay-at-home dad, you can just
• 27:02
  Speaker 10: see I'm kind of like, like you, bro. Like you
• 27:06
  Speaker 10: just listed the 35 things you have going on in
• 27:08
  Speaker 10: life right now that center you. Like you're still the
• 27:11
  Speaker 10: main character I see. What about your kids? What about
• 27:13
  Speaker 10: your three kids and your wife? Being in this role
• 27:16
  Speaker 10: just forces you to see how men collectively, myself included,
• 27:20
  Speaker 10: have dropped the ball for generations in terms of supporting
• 27:24
  Speaker 10: our wives and our children. Being a stay-at-home dad forces
• 27:28
  Speaker 10: you to see that like a paycheck equals manhood. And
• 27:31
  Speaker 10: as long as you're checking that box, you can stay
• 27:33
  Speaker 10: the main character. off bro i can fully see why
• 27:37
  Speaker 10: women are no longer choosing us like most of us ain't.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah bro that's right bro let your wife know that
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: men are trash but you aren't like those other men
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: bro that'll keep her from divorcing you bro just tear
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: men down bro tell her how terrible we are bro
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: that'll keep her happy bro at least until she cheats
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: on you with a co-worker which she probably is already
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: doing i'm afraid to say You know, as a rule
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: of thumb, it's not a good sign as a man
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: when you feel the need to argue that other men
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: who are, and let me make sure I had this right,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: in good shape and highly accomplished are actually bad. I
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: wonder what his wife says when he goes off on
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: these like pick me rants to her. Hey, honey, isn't
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: it so awful when men are in good shape and
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: have lots of money and accomplishments? Don't you just hate,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: don't you just hate that, honey? Don't you just hate
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: men who are ambitious and strong and successful? Don't you
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: just hate men who earn a lot of money and
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: are in good shape and can bench press?
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: Don't you just hate that? Isn't that the worst? Sure, Owen, yeah. Yeah, Owen, oh,
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: I hate that.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: Anyway, I got my appointment with the physical trainer.
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: Don't wait up.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's another one of those long appointments that, yeah,
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: it's over like 2 a.m. Don't worry about it. That's
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: totally normal. In reality, of course, a man... Need not
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: choose between being physically strong and professionally accomplished and a
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: good dad. These are things that are all very much related.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: It's possible for a man to value the first or
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: the second too much at the expense of the third.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: It's possible for a man to be ambitious to the
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: point of greed. It's possible for a man to value
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: fitness to the point of vanity. But it's also possible
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: for him to be motivated to take care of his
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: body and achieve financial success precisely because he loves his family.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: And that scenario is not just possible, it is the ideal.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: And the opposite of that is very bad. Being a
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: man who does not care about your physical fitness at all,
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: doesn't care about achievement at all, doesn't care about accomplishing
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: anything at all, that is bad. It is also grotesque
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: to every woman on the planet. And it's grotesque to
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: your wife.
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: If you have one.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: And if you don't, you'll never get one with an
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: attitude like that. And this is really the point about
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: the house husbands. You know, there may be men who
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: end up staying at home because of circumstances out of
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: their control, as we've covered. There may be men who
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: stay at home by choice. And there may be some
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: of them who find a way to be reasonably happy
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: and to keep their marriages intact and to prevent their
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: wives from losing all respect from them. That is possible.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: Maybe some of these TikTok husbands have managed to thread
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: that needle.
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: Well, scratch that.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: I mean, no man who spends his days not only
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: playing the role of house husband, but also documenting it
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: on TikTok could possibly have his wife's respect. So none
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: of these guys have threaded the needle, but maybe some
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: guys who aren't seeking validation on social media have.
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: That is possible. But if you are a young man.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: Trying to determine your path in life, you should ask
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: not what sort of choices you can get away with,
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: what sort of things you can make work, But rather,
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: what is the ideal? What is the thing you should
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: aspire to? What sort of man should you desire to be?
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: And the answer is a man who can do and
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: does in fact do what men have always been called
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: to do, which is to protect and provide. That is
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: a man's unique calling. It always has been. It always
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: will be. There is no way to change it. And
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: we shouldn't try. And that is why the house husbands,
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: and certainly it goes without saying the house boyfriends, are
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: today canceled.