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Is It Worth Meeting a Narcissist One Last Time? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Should you ever meet your narcissistic ex for one last
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  conversation, it shouldn't you do that.
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  Is there any benefit in meeting them up for one last closure
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  conversation and whatnot? That's what we're talking about
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  today. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and I
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  have a very unique perspective on the topic and I'm giving it
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  to you today. That's what we're doing today,
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  giving it, giving it directly to you from the source, from the
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  narcissist mouth. But seriously, y'all, let's hop
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  right into it. I run a support group called the
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  Mental healers. Y'all can find more information
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  about that in my, in my website, mentalillness.net.
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  But I've been running it for a little over a year now.
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  And one of my members, a couple of my members last night said
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  Lee, I met with my narcissist, the ex, one last time and this
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  is how it went. And I just like you just
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  inspired the video. That's what we're talking about
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  today. Like literally, is there any
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  benefit in meeting them one last time and breaking your no
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  contact to meet them one last time to sit down and have this
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  close your conversation with this person that has hurt you,
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  lied to you, cheated on you, put your life in danger, put your
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  kids lives in danger, stole from you, being addicted, whatever
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  your case may be, just they just they did a number on your life.
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  They made your life harder by being they made your life harder
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  by being a part of it. And let me be real, there's a
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  couple of different ways that this could go a few different
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  ways that having one last conversation with a narcissist
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  can go. So for me, my own personal
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  perspective, I would suggest against having this final
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  conversation. I would just I go, I would say
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  don't do it. Seriously.
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  I would say do not do it. And the main reason that I would
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  say don't do it is because it's your safety.
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  It's literally the most dangerous time in a relationship
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  with a narcissistic person. Toxic person, dangerous person,
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  right? The most dangerous time is when
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  you're leaving because they will try to, sometimes they will try
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  to harm you, especially if you've moved away and they don't
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  know where you are. They have no way of finding you.
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  And then you meet up with them for one last conversation.
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  Yo, that could be the last time anybody sees you.
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  I know a lot of y'all like those crime documentaries.
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  You, you hear this all the time in a crime documentary, but they
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  made-up one last day. They had escaped the
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  relationship and they made-up one last time, one last final
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  closure conversation. And that was the last time they
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  were ever seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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  I see too many of these, the too many of it that have too, too
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  much of that happening in these documentaries.
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  So I don't, I would suggest against it.
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  I'm against it. I'm adamantly against it.
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  I really AM. So that's why I tell so many
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  people like you have to be like in these situations right here.
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  You have to be safe. There's always safety first.
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  I know your heart be beaten. I know your heart wants answers.
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  Your mind won't answers. Everything wants answers.
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  But understand that most this person can't give you the
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  answers. They can't if they are most
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  time, especially if it's especially if this last meeting
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  is the suggestion of the of the narcissist.
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  Most times they are not trying to have any type of closure with
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  you. They're trying to open it back
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  up. They're just looking to try to
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  hope to see you face to face so they can cry.
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  You can see the snot rolling from their eyes, the eye
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  boogers. I haven't slipped rings around
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  there. Wrinkles around the eye.
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  I I haven't slipped in seven days since we last saw each
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  other. I can't sleep at night, just
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  like I can't look at you. Yeah.
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  Come on now. And does this work, do, do a lot
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  of people who intend on having one final conversation end up
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  back in a relationship? Yes.
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  Yes. Because the feelings are still
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  there. The feelings have not
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  disappeared. The feelings, you might not feel
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  the same way. You might just think that you,
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  you're over it, but their feelings are lying dormant.
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  Your, the feelings are lying dormant.
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  It's like your feelings are buried in the pet cemetery.
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  They're coming back. They're going to come back
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  alive. And when they come back alive,
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  what are you going to do then? Seriously, when the feelings
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  come back alive, what are you going to do there?
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  That's why I'm just asking you right now.
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  Like, so in these situations right here, this is the type of
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  stuff that is going to continuously happen.
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  Like one last conversation with a narcissist could be the last
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  conversation you you have with anybody with anyone.
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  Seriously. That's why I'm I'm an adamant.
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  That's why I'm an advocate of staying away from this person.
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  You're not with them for a reason.
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  One of the best ways to heal from a narcissist is
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  understanding that you can't get the answers from this person.
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  Is understanding it is being OK with not having all the answers
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  OK with walking towards freedom, walking towards a better life,
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  right? OK with it.
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  You have to be, you have to be OK with it seriously, because
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  these are the, these will be the elements of your life that help
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  you out so much to survive and to keep moving forward.
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  So I am a huge, huge proponent of not meeting this person one
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  last time, especially if you had nothing tied to this, like
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  nothing tied to them. You don't have kids, you don't
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  have anything tied to this person.
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  It's just your heart or your mind or just the the quest for
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  answers. I'm just a huge advocate of just
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  don't do it. It's like anti Nike, right?
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  You know how Nike says just do it?
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  I'm saying anti Nike. My my swoosh is backwards.
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  Don't do it. Just don't do it.
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  No, you don't need to meet this person one last time, right?
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  You don't because it, it can, like I said, it can go so many
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  different ways. You, I think so many people have
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  this image in their head that this, this one last
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  conversation, you're going to get all the you're going to get,
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  you're going to get the vent, you're going to feel, you're
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  going to finally feel, feel heard.
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  You'll get all the answers to your questions and you're not
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  going to get pulled back into it.
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  And then y'all, after you sip that last little bit of
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  kombucha, y'all both hop on the horse.
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  Y'all hug and cry one last time. I'm going to miss you so much.
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  We had a good time, right? Good ride.
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  Y'all both hop on your your you hop in your horse and buggy.
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  They hop in their horse and buggy.
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  Y'all look one last look, Yeah. And y'all just ride away.
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  That's that's not going to happen.
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  I promise you. It does not end that way the but
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  this is what ends up happening. I'll say this right here, even
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  though I'm an advocate of not meeting this person, I suggest
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  I'm a I'm suggesting don't do it.
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  There are some people that I do talk to that are just not in my
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  group that I do one-on-one coaching calls with.
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  Also at mentalillness.net that say Lee, I had one final
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  conversation with him and I knew I shouldn't have.
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  And it actually answered some of the questions I did have because
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  they didn't answer the questions like they what I just said is
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  true. Like you go have this final
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  conversation with them expecting to get answers to their
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  questions, expecting to get answers or some type of apology
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  or something like that. And they just keep lying to you.
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  They just keep lying. They keep keep putting it on to
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  you. They try to make it seem like
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  their lives are so much better without you trying to entice you
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  to come back to them, Right. Instead of getting answers like
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  directly at the direct answers you're looking for, you get the
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  indirect answers. You get the direct answer, the
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  indirect answer That this person has not changed, That this is
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  still the same person that I decided to leave, That this is
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  still the same person that I broke up with.
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  They're incapable of changing. They're capable of taking
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  accountability. They sit right here at this
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  final conversation and lied their asses off to me.
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  They would not stop lying. They would.
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  They just, they still kept lying to me.
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  Look, they look me directly in my face and continue to lie to
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  me. Like literally look me directly
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  in my face and absolutely continue to lie to me about
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  everything. I asked them and I asked them to
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  come clean and tell me the truth about what they have done and
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  they still obfuscatedly, they still told me that I was wrong.
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  They still try to gaslight me. I could tell that this is the
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  same person and with them lying to me this one last time, it
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  actually helped set me free. That's what I heard, right?
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  And again, I'm not telling you to do this because you could
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  not. That look, they made it out
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  safely, Lee. They kept lying to me and those
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  lies helped me heal because I realized that they would not
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  change. I kept telling myself the story
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  in my head that they could change, that they might want to
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  change or that maybe I was wrong, maybe I was too harsh and
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  leaving them. But when the fact that they kept
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  lying to me and they told me that they would be honest and
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  open, just show me that I was set me free.
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  They made it out with their lives.
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  They are lucky they made it out not in their relationship.
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  There are some of the lucky ones.
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  Not everybody who goes and have these conversations because you
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  go sit down with a narcissist one last time and then like you
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  go sit down with them one last time and then they still lie to
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  you and the lies don't work and they get angry and they lose
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  their minds and they start hitting you.
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  Especially if y'all not in public, especially if this one
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  last meeting is at 1 of y'all's houses.
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  You're not at a public place. Hell yeah.
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  If you feel the need, sidebar, come over here.
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  Come over here real quick. If you feel the need to sit down
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  with this person one-on-one, right, You sit down face to face
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  with this person, don't do it. Y'all don't.
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  If you're not going to listen to me, don't do it in the privacy
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  of your own home. Don't go over that.
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  Thank you. Maybe we could sleep.
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  Maybe we could sleep together one last time, because I'm not.
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  I'm not getting it from anybody else.
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  There are people I talked to to end up with babies from there or
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  an STD from one last go, one last cheek clapping session.
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  You end up with an STD because you could.
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  You didn't have the discipline to say no, to leave the person
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  alone. You see, This is why.
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  And they'll lie to you. They'll look you directly in
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  your face and lie to you. I haven't been with anybody else
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  in the last seven months since we broke.
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  Since we broke up. Yeah.
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  They were cheating on you. They couldn't not be with
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  anybody else when y'all were together.
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  Now they abstinent. Come.
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  Come on. Please, Please, please.
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  We got I just carry you. I'm just tired of seeing he's I
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  just yeah, it gets I get frazzled sometimes.
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  I get tired of seeing some of these narcissistic people
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  winning because we don't like we lack discipline.
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  They keep they only win. But you don't have discipline.
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  You don't have the discipline to say no, I don't want to meet you
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  one last time. I've no, I'm not picking the
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  phone up. No, I can't block you.
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  No, I'm just, you see what I'm saying?
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  They can only win. They only have the power that
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  you give them. And that's the truth right
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  there. They only have the power that is
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  bestowed upon them by you. They have nothing else.
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  You are in control. You have the power.
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  You absolutely do. Regardless of what you think,
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  regardless how you feel right now, you have the power you do
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  now. Run with it.
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  Run, young buck. Run young free and be free.
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  I don't think that there's a benefit in meeting them one last
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  time. Although like I said, some
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  people have had the benefit of still being lied to and still
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  being manipulated and still going back into the relationship
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  and them not changing and that finally set them free.
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  But you waste time doing that. That's a waste of time.
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  I know some people just need everybody has not reached their
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  breaking the shelf moment. And what I mean by breaking the
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  shelf moment is that now everybody hasn't had enough
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  damage done to them to finally leave.
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  And so now I was going back and had that final conversation.
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  Might be the final damage, might be the final straw cuz they go
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  look, I'm just telling you, you might not make it out there but
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  your life. There's why you have to be so
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  careful. You have to be so safe and I
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  want y'all to win. They only win when you don't
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  have discipline. They only win when you don't
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  have that self love. They only win when you are mean
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  to yourself. We are not kind to yourself When
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  you beat yourself up, that's when they own.
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  That's the only time they win me with y'all.
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  Thank y'all for riding with me to the end of this video again,
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  my coaching and my courses, all that have my support group.
• 12:00
  Everything can be found and mental illness dot net you can
• 12:02
  find the description, but find the link in the description
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  everywhere hit the subscribe button yeah we so close to 500 K
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  so close I'm hoping to hit 500 K on YouTube before I hit it on
• 12:13
  tick on Facebook. Would Facebook growing quick
• 12:17
  anyways y'all this is out peace.