Latest / Alien Hunters Hotline! / S1 E3: Websites
Transcript
- speaker-0: Welcome to Alien Hunters Hotline, the podcast dedicated to understanding and decimating extraterrestrials on planet Earth. And we're coming to you pre-recorded from the back of a van in Fremont, Ohio. You can call in anytime at 419-463-2626. Lines open. I'm Frequent 5K runner and aging bachelor Roy Dunch. As always, I'm here with the Midwest Premier Alien experts who know more words than Merriam Webster, his or herself. Skunk and Bleep, how we doin' fellas? Welcome to another episode. speaker-1: Big time. We're doing big time, baby. speaker-2: I am doing small time. We have decided to ⁓ do everything opposite today. So Fleep is doing big time. I'm doing small time. Bleep he shaved his head and I'm wearing a new wig. So we just wanted to see how far we could push things in our friendship. But so far it's going pretty well. I am also skunk. I'm in charge of science, tech and catering. speaker-1: And I'm Bleep, I'm a field researcher, and I'm a lethal hand to c hand combat instructor. speaker-2: And I do not know anything about hand combat. speaker-1: Or hand to hand. Frankly he doesn't know much about either. I keep surprising him with attacks and he doesn't like it. speaker-0: Well, there's a little bit of blood on your barrister's wig, there's gum gun that Careful Hey speaker-2: Fuck. Fuck, sorry. He's fuck. You shouldn't know that one was coming. What? speaker-0: Not in the van. speaker-1: All right, sorry. speaker-2: Okay. speaker-0: There are harsh corners in here, okay. I just want you guys to be careful. I don't want you to poke an eye out or or or dent any ⁓ any of your body parts. speaker-2: Appreciate that bro, I appreciate that. speaker-1: That good looking out, brother. speaker-0: I like knowing and hearing about all the things you guys are doing to test your friendship. You're really putting the stress on the friendship in a way that I think a lot of people would coast on a lifelong friendship and you guys really are are aggressive about it every step of the way. speaker-2: You have to constantly push it to know how far you can go. And I it's much like you right, you should be familiar with this. It's much like exercise. You have to break microfracture your friendships just like a muscle so that then they grow back stronger and you can have the biggest ass in Fremont because you've been working on those glutes. speaker-1: Imagine if we get drafted into a war that's in the trenches on Mars. You know, what kind of stress is that gonna put on us? We gotta be ready for everything. speaker-2: Can't be experiencing that for the first time on Mars. Mm-mm. speaker-1: Gotta be ready. That's why we've turned up the heat in Skunk's ⁓ house. We've really, really made we're at a 140. We've we can spend about two minutes in 140 degrees. We dump sand all over the ground and we run around in circles just to prepare for Mars. speaker-2: Sitting in a one foot. speaker-0: I was honestly amazed at how long you guys lasted. Because it it's also a pretty warm day in Fremont. ⁓ that was Saturday and I was just sitting outside with a little Coronita w watching you guys inside on Mars, just having what looked like a lot of fun, but when you came out then I could smell the skin on the on your feet that was burning on the sand. Yeah. speaker-2: You had that Coronita and you didn't do any of this stuff. We had the Coronita after while the skin was burning. Hit like a motherfucker in the best way. So I were speaker-1: Ham. I mean, we were so dehydrated. And that Cornito went right to the blood. speaker-2: And this was after Thursday Thursday Thirsty Thursday the day before where we didn't even drink for the whole day. speaker-1: Skunk, you're miss you're missing a day in there, brother. You blacked out because it was Thursday Thursday. And then Friday ⁓ was fill it up Friday because we knew that we'd be dehydrating on Saturday for the trench program. And then ⁓ so you're yeah, I wow, Skunk on Saturday blacked out so hard he forgot Friday. That's that's how hard those cornea speaker-2: Fuck, I blacked out on you boys. New one. speaker-0: Fill It Up Friday is is the the thirsty Thursday to Fill It Up Friday combination is something that I think people i a little tip from the alien hunters, if you're at home and you're wondering, I I like to have fun with my friends and I'm worried it'll cost too much. If you do a thirsty Thursday and you follow it up with a fill it up Friday, for three coronitas, you can get three martini drunk, I would say. Mm-hmm. speaker-2: The cheapest way to get three martini drunk is to not drink any water or any liquid all of Thursday, fill it up on Friday with one glass of water, and then on Saturday have have three coronitas. speaker-1: And hey, next Saturday I say we crack into that fermented orange juice that ⁓ skunk's been making in his speaker-2: It's not ready yet, but next Saturday it's Orange J Day. speaker-1: Orange J Saturday, baby. We are gonna We're gonna drink that fermented orange juice and we're gonna take notes on what we think about. speaker-0: And that was fun when we when we all got together and did the barefoot stomping of the oranges to make that dimension orange. speaker-1: ⁓ that was a great day. I will say the citrus getting into our foot wounds was ⁓ pretty painful. But you know, when you don't have skin on the bottom of your feet because you've been training for Mars, that's just the price you pay. speaker-2: But I'm again saying we just sometimes pain is bonding. And I think we all bonded a little more that day. So ⁓ just happy we could roll you into the friendship like that, Roy. So keep coming with us, do little events and stuff we do. ⁓ y it doesn't have to be all you solo running races, Roy. speaker-0: I appreciate that. speaker-1: Yep. You can come hang out at our at our weekly themed days and you can you can start to microfracture your friendship with us. speaker-0: It has been an honor to be micro fracturing our friendship. I did wanna have a chat with you guys because we've we've had some comments and by we I mean I and by comments I mean the cashier at the Kroger told me that they didn't well, she was she was an older gal, and she was really interested in our episode on websites. ⁓ we haven't gotten that out yet. in a previous episode we talked about that we were gonna tell people about websites. How to peruse and engage with them safely. and so I guess, you know, a problem that we've experienced in today's society that it feels like people don't really have a lot of media literacy. They're they're following the ebbs and flows of the mainstream media. They are ⁓ lambs ⁓ falling into various wolves' traps. So today I thought it would be helpful for us to Help our audience engage in websites safely. And so I thought that we could ⁓ talk about our experience with websites and what we've what we've learned when engaging in various sites. For example, ⁓ I think websites rule number one for s website safety, don't believe everything you read. speaker-2: Totally. Absolutely. Totally. speaker-1: Yep. Honestly, I would almost amend that to don't believe anything you read. speaker-2: I would say don't believe would be my amendment. Yeah. speaker-1: So ⁓ yeah, it's sort of a stoplight situation, right? Don't believe everything you read is the is the green. Don't yellow is ⁓ don't believe anything you read, and skunks ⁓ red is don't believe anything, right? So there's sort of a tiered system. You start out, don't believe everything you read, that's good. That's an entry point into being an alien hunter. Then you move, ⁓ you upgrade one level to don't believe anything you read, because it's all you start to realize that it's probably all written by alien influence. ⁓ and then you sort of ask yourself the question between level two and three, you go, Well, if they're influencing the websites, they're probably influencing everything. So then I can't believe anything. speaker-2: And it's a good starting point. speaker-1: It's a good starting point sort of to be an alien hunter is d is is working your way through that simple three step process. speaker-0: But I I would push back on that a little bit because my neo pets are real. ⁓ you know, I I have neopets and I believe they're real. They're they're there. I'm feeding them, I'm taking care of them, I'm fostering a community of the neo pets. Am I to just not believe? speaker-1: Let me ask you a question, Roy. Shoot. Do you believe your neo your neo pets are real on Earth? Or are do you believe that you are breeding alien pets somewhere out in the universe and that you're helping this sort of alien community by feeding your pet every day? You are actually raising the next army of steeds and beasts. speaker-0: ⁓ my god. I I thought they were just bleeps and bloops and w ones and twos, ones and zeros on the computer. You're you're telling me I could be raising steeds and beasts for alien life forms? speaker-2: It's a common trap where all aliens need sometimes is an interface that is appeasing to humans. So, you know, we see this with neo pets, one. An interface to raise their pets. We think it's a game. You see this with hot dog eating contests. They're seeing how many hot dogs see we think is normal to eat. So then they can blend in as a human. When they come to Earth, they know that we'll tolerate somebody eating forty nine, seventy two hot dogs all shoved in water, that that's normal. speaker-1: You also see this with mechanics. An oil change? How are you going to change oil? It's oil. It can't be something else. It's already one thing. ⁓ my God You're gonna change it into something else and make my car run better? You're manipulating my technology. speaker-0: So you're telling me that both Joey Chestnut and the Jiffy Lube are agents of extraterrestrial life? speaker-2: Interfaces and agents. speaker-1: Interfaces and speaker-0: Interfaces which we get through. I'll I'll be honest with you guys. I'm realizing now I've only seen Joey Chestnut peach down some hogs on website. I've never seen Joey Chestnut in person. So this could just be a website fabrication from an extraterrestrial life form that is trying to convince me Roy Dungeon to normally eat 49 hot dogs. speaker-2: Roy, now you're getting it. speaker-1: Now you're fucking getting it because listen, our first piece of advice, don't believe anything. My second piece of advice, which is crucial and skunk and I wear them all the time, lead sunglasses. speaker-0: And and is the purpose of that that you you are not ⁓ affected by ⁓ false radiation waves and illusions? speaker-1: Yep. It protects your brain. Nothing protects your brain like more than wearing lead close to your eyeballs so that the ⁓ the waves coming off of your computer can't interface with your brain. speaker-2: And the third protection layer is a screen time app. So it is just make sure you don't have a lot of screen time so you are not falling into these straps as often. speaker-0: That is incredibly helpful because I even think Skunk from your technological perspective, our apps websites? speaker-2: Mm. speaker-0: 'Cause I've been playing Candy Crush and I'm I'm getting pretty good at it, but I'm wondering, am I in an Enders Games type situation? speaker-1: One hundred percent. speaker-2: You've probably created, you know, thousands of millions of dollars in alien currency by mining those candies. speaker-1: mining and destroying other aliens resources. So you're you're participating in an alien war. speaker-0: Dunch, you've done it again. speaker-1: No, you can't beat yourself up. They make it they make it really fun. You can't beat yourself up. But you have you have probably spent a lot of money on Candy Crush, which has converted US dollars into alien ⁓ S dollars. And that is funding a global ⁓ a ⁓ a galactic war. speaker-2: And I I didn't wanna say anything 'cause I know you were using it after your last day didn't go well. There's kind of the your main focus was to become America's number one Candy Crush player, but I wanted to say something, but I felt like I'd let you have this for a few days. And I speaker-0: I appreciate that, but I guess the the thing is, like, is there anything safe on my phone? Because you you have also told me to stop using okay Cupid on my phone and that that is ⁓ a a meat market of alien life forms and I'm just wondering, is there any place safe? speaker-2: Yeah, there are two safe places. ⁓ it's the settings app because you get to control and you can control what happens, what happens, where. And the last one is your active camera. So don't take any pictures. But if you want to take a picture, open your camera, hold it up in front of the thing you wanna remember and remember that with your eyes, but don't take the picture 'cause then speaker-0: Mental picture. speaker-2: To call that a mental picture. Wow. speaker-0: That's new invention, huh? That's that's not that's something that we haven't really that that's just seeing the mind at work. That skunk on the fly showing you a new piece of technology that that he has created with his own mind. speaker-1: And that's why we celebrate mental picture Mondays where Skunk and I sit in a dark room and we close our eyes and we go, ⁓ through our mental photo album. And so we just ⁓ we go, ⁓ right. And then there's this one of us at the at the creek and I'm standing there and we're I'm doing a peace sign and my feet are wet and and then we just we go through every single mental photo and we do that every Monday so that we don't forget. speaker-2: ⁓ which reminds me of here, I wanted to show you you guys this. ⁓ speaker-1: Close your eyes, Dunch. speaker-0: Okay, closing my eyes. speaker-2: took this picture of of us at wing night last Thursday. We were so dehydrated but so full of wings. ⁓ speaker-1: And I I can almost taste him again. speaker-0: I just wouldn't need to say that I think in the age of screen time and the male loneliness epidemic, the fact that you can sit in a room with your best friends and just remember your mental pictures of all the good times you've had together, I think if more people would do that, we'd have a lot less problems in the world today. speaker-1: What the hell is the male loneliness epidemic? speaker-0: ⁓ speaker-1: The fuck is that? speaker-2: I'd be worried. speaker-0: I learned about that on on on websites. speaker-1: Right. speaker-0: Is that is that is it not real? Is that fake news? speaker-1: Well I don't even know what it is. What is it? speaker-0: Is it? Well ca guys are lonely and it's a problem. They're killing themselves, they're killing their families, they're betting it all on Calci and they're killing their families. What? What? speaker-1: Why wouldn't they just go make salsa with their boys? Why speaker-2: Can't they start a podcast that is an alien show and then have people call into it eventually? speaker-1: Why wouldn't they just make a themed like party with just their like two closest friends every day of the week and just enjoy each other's company? speaker-2: Why wouldn't they wear a wig while one shaves their head and they do completely opposite stuff all day to test their boundaries of their friendship? speaker-1: Why wouldn't one why wouldn't one of them become an expert in hand to hand combat and constantly attack the other one to keep him on his toes? speaker-0: Hey, hey. speaker-1: Sharp corners. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. I just I'm sorry. You're telling me that that men are getting lonely and taking it out on other people instead of just finding connection in their communities? speaker-0: I gotta tell you, you guys are right. That sounds so stupid. Because I think even Roy Dunge a moment, when I was in Sandusky, I was thinking, you know, may maybe there's something to this male loneliness thing. But you know what I did? I moved back to my uncle's house and I got my two old friends into a above-ground pool and we whirlpooled it. That's I mean, that's kind of what it is. You know, that's kind of what life is. speaker-1: I mean, this kind of this kind of ties the whole episode together in a way, but it's like if you're sitting inside reading about how men are loved on a website, instead of just going outside and hanging out with friends or making friends, how can you not instantly diagnose that as an alien conspiracy set to pull us all apart? The way in which we combat alien conspiracies and sort of like these mental tactics that they're putting on us. speaker-2: ⁓ speaker-1: Is by just hanging out with your boys. Dunge, it's why we constantly tell you to stop running 5Ks by yourself. Run one 5k a week, that's fine, but hang out with us and do do Thirsty Thursday, do Fill It Up Friday, do our weird Saturday stuff where we br we turn Skunk's house into Mars and run around and burn the soul. speaker-0: Weird. That's training. speaker-1: I it was a speaker-0: Dedicated and I like and I love that. speaker-1: Nobody else is doing it, and it's clear to me that we do have a problem, and it's it's that people are falling for these mind fucks where they're just reading online. Somebody somebody says online, probably an alien, and if I had to guess, he was one of the more nefarious types, probably not one of the gulords or anything like that, but probably I don't know, some eight armed beast that has a a mastery of technology. If you're reading something online that says you're lonely and then you feel lonely, that's an alien coming through your screen and trying to corrupt society. Just get outside, stomp on some oranges, ferment it, see if it makes you see crazy shit the next week when you drink it. Hold hands with your boys. You know, fight your boys. Get outside. Yeah. Are the neighbors gonna drive by and see you screaming because you're stomping on citrus while you've got holes in your soles? Sure. But then, you know, maybe they'll go home and be like, I bet they're having fun. Maybe I should have some fun today. So put on your lead sunglasses and stop falling for this bullshit like the male loneliness epidemic. speaker-2: And use the screen time app. speaker-0: Don't trust websites. Use the Screen Time app. Hang out with your boys, because mail only this isn't real. I'm I'm proof because I stopped going to sites and I started going to my two best friends. Otherwise, who knows? I may have done something bad and as the kids on the internet say, unalived myself months ago. But I didn't, and Roy Dunch is here because Roy Dunch has friends, and we have a mission: to eradicate every extraterrestrial on the planet. speaker-2: And it can only happen through the power of friendship. speaker-1: Through the power of friendship, and don't let the aliens tell you to kill yourself through your fucking screen. Put on your lead sunglasses, baby. We're riding this one out with the boys. speaker-0: The one place you can get the truth is Alien Hunters Outline. Podcasts are one of the only places that we get unfiltered, unfettered, truthful facts that can help you make it through your life. Thanks for listening. speaker-2: And check out our website. AlienHuntersHotline.com. We've got ⁓ full wiki, we've got articles, we've got the latest ⁓ mental pictures up there for you to see. So ⁓ descriptions of course of what the pictures would be. So check out our website for more details and any ⁓ updates in the fight for freedom. speaker-1: And any updates in ⁓ my fight against Skunk as he learns hand-to-hand combat. We'll be keeping a log of that. ⁓ there will be an ongoing record of sort of wins and losses. Right now I'm 10 and ⁓ We're hoping to keep that alive and get to a hundred and zero without Skunk getting ⁓ critically injured. So thanks for tuning in to Alien Hunters Hotline. ⁓ Dunch, take us away, baby. Sneak it. speaker-2: I use my legs. He said hand to hand combat and I use my legs and I speaker-0: While they're fighting, this has been another episode of Alien Hunters Hotline. Tune in next week for more information on eliminating extraterrestrials and discovering how to get them off planet Earth. And remember, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, the sign-up. The sign-up. Ready? Uh-huh. And remember, always speaker-2: Always a question. Never speaker-0: Lines open. speaker-2: No one is a speaker-0: We're Alien Hunter's Hotline, a podcast. speaker-2: And Riley Cecil Taggart. For more information, follow the show at Alien HuntersHop.com speaker-0: on social and visit alien. speaker-1: Yeah.