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Transcript

How to Be Happier: Five Sources of Everyday Unhappiness - and What to Do About Them · The No Cry Zone

• 0:43
  SPEAKER_04: You are now entering the no cry zone.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_04: Welcome to the no cry zone for a sharper take on living.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_04: I'm Jim Best.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_04: Many of you know I travel a lot.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_04: I enjoy it.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_04: It keeps me fresh, active, and as recent studies have shown, it keeps the synapses in our minds nimble and flexible.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_04: Those may not be the exact terms, but I have earned much praise as a competent paraphraser.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_04: So take my word.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_04: If those are not the actual terms they use to describe the benefits, that is definitely what they meant.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_04: So saith me.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_04: When people hear of my expeditions, they often say they enjoy experiencing the world vicariously through me.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_04: I take that as a great compliment and frankly a nice challenge.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_04: So of late in the No Cry Zone, I've been sharing my current adventure as I proceed.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_04: Last week the No Cry Zone came to you from Cornwall, England.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_04: Today we are halfway between a somewhat soggy Scotland and the Faroe Islands.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_04: If you believe, as I wished, the weather was likely to improve from Scotland to those Faroe Islands, I would say even from my small sample size, the theory is both hopeful and dubious.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_04: However, the journey of the last week did take me to both Galway and Killibanks, Ireland.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_04: And now we are getting to the part of the story that will soon prove quite relevant.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_04: You may not be surprised to hear that in Ireland, as in many places on earth, there are a lot of Irish pubs.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_04: A group of us visited one quite intentionally, I mean innocently, and as what often happens when alcohol is prepaid, a song eventually broke out.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_04: It was a fun morning, I mean pre lunch occasion, and I was caught up in the fun of singing a simple, merry tune, which made all of us noticeably happy.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_04: I think it was the song, though some had decided to taste the difference between Irish and Scotch whiskey by then.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_04: Inspired, I wrote the lyrics to today's intro song, called one of our favorite songs, and turned it over to Brazen Candor.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_04: I like what they did with it, and we hope you enjoy it too.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_04: Now, today, perhaps ironically, I want to talk about unhappiness.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_04: Not unhappiness per se.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_04: What fun would that be, right?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_04: Instead, we're going to identify those things that most often result in unhappiness.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_04: Note, I am not saying they cause unhappiness.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_04: That's part of today's point also.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_04: We're not talking about tragedy nor grief, not clinical depression, not those genuinely difficult periods of life when something happens that would knock almost anyone sideways.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_04: I'm talking about ordinary, everyday personal unhappiness.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_04: And you know how often you see that and you may even experience it frequently yourself.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_04: You know the irritation, the dissatisfaction, the resentment, the disappointment, the feeling that your life isn't quite what it ought to be.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_04: And here's the question.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_04: What if most of that unhappiness isn't being prompted by 50 different things?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_04: What if much of it comes from just a handful of sources?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_04: Different circumstances, different people, different days, but underneath them, the same few things keep showing up.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_04: And that's what we want to share with you.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_04: I think there are five that account for an enormous amount of the personal unhappiness people experience.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_04: So for the first half of today's no cry zone, we're going to identify them.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_04: Not just so that you know them, so that you can use the information and move yourself into a more satisfying state.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_04: First, we're going to go through the sources, not the solutions yet.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_04: I don't want to rush past a diagnosis and start handing out prescriptions.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_04: Let's first figure out what's actually making us unhappy.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_04: Because you can't do much about something until you know what it is.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_04: That's mental precision.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_04: And number one, you will recognize as being an enormous source of unhappiness.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_04: It is the expectation gap.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_04: The first great source of unhappiness is the gap between expectation and reality.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_04: Think about how often some variation of this appears.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_04: This isn't how it was supposed to go.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_04: The vacation wasn't as good as you expected, the promotion didn't happen, your spouse didn't react the way you thought they would.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_04: Your children aren't making the decisions you hoped they'd make.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_04: Your career isn't where you thought it would be by now.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_04: You expected someone to appreciate something you did and they barely noticed.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_04: Reality delivered one thing and your expectations ordered something else.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_04: And between those is a gap.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_04: That's where a surprising amount of unhappiness lives.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_04: Here's an interesting question to ask yourself.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_04: Am I unhappy because of what actually happened?
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_04: Or because what happened was different from what I expected, or hoped for, or dreamed of?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_04: Those aren't necessarily the same thing, are they?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_04: Sometimes the event isn't particularly terrible.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_04: It simply violated the script we'd already written.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_04: And suddenly we're disappointed, irritated, resentful, or miserable.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_04: That's the expectation gap.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_04: Second one, perceived powerlessness.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_04: And this is a really bad one, I would say, although I'm reluctant to call anything good or bad at this point, but it causes a lot of people a lot of problems.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_04: So perceived powerlessness.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_04: Listen for this sentence.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_04: There's nothing I can do.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_04: Or I did the best I could.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_04: Those are dangerous sentences.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_04: Sometimes they seem to be true.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_04: There are things we cannot control.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_04: There are times when we're doing the best we can for the way we feel in that situation.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_04: Some of the things we can't control are other people's decisions.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_04: The economy, of course, the weather, aging, what happened yesterday, whether someone likes us, whether somebody agrees with us.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_04: But there's an enormous difference between I can't control everything about the situation and I can't do anything about the situation.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_04: We frequently confuse the two.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_04: We mix them together and then they become a source of unhappiness.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_04: People can tolerate remarkably difficult circumstances when they believe they retain some agency.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_04: What becomes debilitating is the belief that we're trapped, stuck at someone else's mercy, waiting for another person to change before we can feel better.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_04: And sometimes we surrender our perceived power long before we've exhausted our actual options.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_04: That creates unhappiness.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_04: Not simply because something is wrong, but because we've concluded that we're helpless to affect it.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_04: Third source of much unhappiness.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_04: Number three is an old human habit that modern life has turned into an around the clock activity.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_04: Comparison.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_04: Somebody has more money, a nicer house, a better job, a happier marriage, more friends, more recognition, a bigger audience, more followers, a better body, a more exciting life.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_04: Or at least that's what it looks like from where we're standing or scrolling.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_04: Comparison performs a particularly nasty little trick.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_04: It takes something good in someone else's life and turns it into evidence that something is wrong with ours.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_04: Think about that.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_04: Their success didn't actually take anything from us, but somehow you can end up feeling diminished by it, can't you?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_04: And we're often comparisoning the entirety of our own life, including the doubts, disappointments, and problems nobody sees with the carefully polished, presented portions of somebody else's life.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_04: We're comparing our backstage with their highlight reel.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_04: There will always be somebody ahead of you on some measure.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_04: If your happiness requires winning every comparison, you've designed a contest you cannot possibly win.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_04: Now the fourth source.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_04: Usually in one of two places.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_04: The past.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_04: I should have.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_04: Why did I?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_04: If only, I wish I'd known.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_04: Or we're living in the future already.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_04: What if?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_04: Suppose this happens.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_04: What if this doesn't work?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_04: What if things get worse?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_04: The past can teach us the future deserves preparation and attention, but neither is where we possess much ability to take action.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_04: You cannot take action yesterday and you cannot take action tomorrow.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_04: You can only take action now.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_04: That's why we're always talking about taking action today.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yet we can spend enormous amounts of emotional energy inhabiting times where our agency is severely limited.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_04: And our agency is our ability to do something.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_04: As we uncovered in one of our blogs at Upwards Best this week, working on our wherewithal, our agency, our ability to get things done.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_04: So let's not spend time regretting what can't be changed.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_04: Let's not spend time fearing what hasn't happened.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_04: And let's not waste time neglecting the one place where we actually possess some power and capacity, and that is the present.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_04: The fifth source, self-incongruence.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_04: That's the discomfort created when the person you're being and the person you want to be don't match anymore.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_04: When you stop being your authentic self, when you let yourself get bent around and twisted up trying to please other people, trying to live up to their expectations, trying to get their attention, their approval, their acknowledgement, their appreciation.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_04: You know those times.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_04: You may want to speak up, but you remain silent.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_04: You know something matters to you, but you keep putting it off.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_04: You know a situation needs to change, but you continue tolerating it.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_04: You know you want to become healthier, kinder, bolder, more disciplined, more expressive, more adventurous.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_04: Most of us want to do all of those things.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_04: But your daily choices keep reinforcing somebody else, something else.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_04: You're not being your authentic self.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_04: You're not honoring your aspirations, and there's friction there.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_04: Eventually that friction becomes dissatisfaction.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_04: And we feel unhappy.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_04: Because somewhere inside, you know, you know when you're repeatedly betraying your own priorities, you know when you're living according to somebody else's expectations, you know when you're playing smaller than you want to play, and you know when the life you're living is becoming increasingly inconsistent with the person you believe you could become.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_04: That distance creates unhappiness, not because you're inadequate, but because you are incongruent.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_04: So here's our first re half recap.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_04: Five enormous generators of everyday personal unhappiness.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_04: You probably experienced several of these yourself.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_04: The expectation gap where life isn't matching what I thought it should be.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_04: Perceived powerlessness.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_04: I don't believe there's anything I can do.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_04: Comparison.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_04: Someone else's life is making mine seem insufficient.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_04: Time displacement.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_04: I'm spending too much in the future or too much in the past.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_04: And self-incongruence.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_04: I am not letting myself become my authentic self.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_04: I'm giving into social pressure, I'm living up to somebody else's expectations, I'm not living consistently with who I am or who I want to become.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_04: Now, here's where this gets interesting.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_04: Because identifying what's making you unhappy is useful, but staying there, that's just analysis and not what we're all about in the no-cry zone.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_04: The no-cry zone isn't about sitting around cataloging everything that's wrong.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_04: It's about figuring out what we're going to do about it and then taking action.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_04: So we're going to take a short break.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_04: And when we come back, we're going to take these same five things one at a time and ask a much better question.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_04: What can I do about it?
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_04: Now, lean into that guitar part and one of my favorite songs and come on back just as quick as you can.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_04: I think I see one of the Faroe Islands on the horizon.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_04: I'm not sure because I've never been there before.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_04: That's a funny expression, isn't it?
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_04: Somewhat insulting, unless you enjoy being referred to as a load, but not a cause for unhappiness, right?
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_04: Someone asked me why is the second half of the No Cry Zone always shorter than the first half?
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I'm not sure, but I think it's because I talk more in the first half.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_04: All kidding aside, I do want to mention that one of my most popular ebooks, The Happiest Habit, goes into greater detail than what we're able to cover here today.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_04: So I recommend you purchase that.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_04: We've included a link and enhance not only your tendency towards happiness, but you can help others move away from their unhappiness.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_04: It's a great way to be in that positive.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_04: Quick recap now.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_04: We've identified the major sources of everyday personal unhappiness.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_04: Now let's identify and apply the antidote.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_04: And notice the question we're asking, not how do I make all of my problems disappear?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_04: That's unrealistic.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_04: The question is what can I do that gives me greater ownership of how I experience my life?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_04: That's a very different proposition, isn't it?
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_04: So let's start where we left off before.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_04: First, close the expectation gap.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_04: If expectations are creating unhappiness, we have three basic choices change the reality, change the expectation, or accept the gap.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_04: That's it.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_04: If reality can be changed, take action.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_04: If your expectation was unrealistic or what we've called impractical, adjust it.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_04: And we're not talking about compromising our expectations.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_04: We're just advocating make our expectations practical.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_04: And if neither can be changed right now, stop demanding that reality apologize for being reality.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_04: This doesn't mean lowering every expectations, as I said.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_04: Quite the opposite.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_04: Have high standards, have ambitions, expect good things, as we always advocate, aspire.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_04: But don't turn every expectation into an entitlement.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_04: That's an enormous freedom in saying, This isn't what I wanted, but it is what happened.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_04: Now what?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_04: These last two words matter.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_04: Now what?
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_04: They return you to a state of agency where you can take control of the situation.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_04: Second, reclaim your sphere of influence.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_04: When you feel powerless, don't ask, can I control this?
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_04: Ask what part of this can I influence?
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_04: Big, big difference.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe you can't control the decision.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_04: Can you control your response?
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe you can't change another person's behavior.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_04: Can you change your proximity to it?
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe you can't control what happened.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_04: You can decide what happens next.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_04: Draw a mental circle around the things you can influence and then become much more proficient at influencing those things.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_04: Put your attention there.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_04: The goal isn't omnipotence, it's personal agency, it's personal effectiveness, it's increasing your wherewithal to get things done and to enable outcomes much more to your favor.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_04: You don't need control over everything.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_04: You need enough ownership to take the next useful effective action.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_04: Turn comparison into information and then adjust the action you take.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_04: Comparison isn't going to go away.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_04: We're human, we're going to notice other people.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_04: So rather than pretending we can eliminate comparison, let's use it differently.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_04: When you see someone doing something you admire, instead of asking, why don't I have that, ask what does this tell me about what I want?
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_04: How can I emulate that person?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_04: Turn them into a mentor or role model.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_04: Now that envy that you might feel becomes information.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe someone's career makes you realize you want more autonomy.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe their friendships remind you that you've neglected yours.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe someone's creativity awakens your own desire to create.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_04: That's good.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_04: Use it and then Get into action.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_04: Their life doesn't have to become an indictment of yours, it can become information about yours.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_04: Admire someone else without diminishing yourself.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_04: And remember, if they can do it, you can do it.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_04: That's probably one of the most empowering beliefs you can have.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_04: Use it frequently.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_04: That's a much healthier bargain to make for yourself.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_04: Now, the next one, the fourth one, where we talked about time incongruence.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_04: Return to now.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_04: We need a simple discipline.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_04: When your mind drags you backwards, ask, is there something useful I can learn from this?
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_04: If yes, learn it.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_04: Then come back to the present.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_04: When your mind races into the future, ask, is there something useful I can do now to prepare?
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_04: If yes, do it.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_04: And frankly, there's always something you can do to be better prepared.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_04: Now, that doesn't mean you spend more time preparing than living.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_04: There's a balance there.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_04: Find the useful thing you can do, prepare, and then come back to the present.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_04: The past becomes a teacher rather than a residence.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_04: The future becomes something you prepare for rather than something you merely experience as it happens.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_04: And the present becomes what it has always been.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_04: The only place where you can take effective action.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_04: Now, our last one for today.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_04: Ask yourself, where am I living differently from the person I want to be?
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_04: Where haven't I been fully comfortable becoming myself?
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_04: Don't make a list of twenty things.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_04: You can't act on twenty things.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_04: Find one.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe you've been avoiding a conversation.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_04: Have it.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe you've stopped creating.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_04: Create something.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe you've become too passive.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_04: Take one decisive action.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe you've been saying you value relationships while giving everyone you care about whatever time happens to be left over.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_04: Call somebody.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_04: Visit somebody.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_04: Show up.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_04: Self-congruence isn't achieved by declaring who you are.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_04: It's built by repeatedly behaving in ways that provide evidence of who you're becoming.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_04: One action begins closing that gap.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_04: Then take another.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_04: Then take another.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_04: That's how you establish momentum.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_04: So let's bring this all together.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_04: When you find yourself persistently unhappy, or even more unhappy than you'd like to be, don't immediately ask what's wrong with my life.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_04: That's an enormous and frankly irrelevant question.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_04: Try something more precise.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_04: Ask, what is generating this unhappiness?
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_04: Is there an expectation gap?
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_04: Am I experiencing perse perceived powerlessness?
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_04: Am I caught in comparison?
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_04: Am I suffering from time displacement, spending too much time in yesterday, or thinking too much about tomorrow?
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_04: Or am I experiencing self-incongruence?
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_04: Am I acting in a way that keeps me from being my authentic self?
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_04: Then respond accordingly.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_04: Adjust your expectation.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_04: Reclaim your influence.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_04: Turn comparison into information.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_04: Return to now.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_04: Bring your actions back into alignment with who you want to become.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_04: You won't eliminate disappointment.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_04: You won't eliminate difficult people.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_04: You won't eliminate uncertainty setbacks, mistakes, or bad days.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_04: That's not the objective.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_04: The objective is to stop unnecessarily manufacturing additional unhappiness from circumstances that are already often difficult enough.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_04: Because perhaps one of the most important distinctions we can make is this pain is sometimes delivered by life.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_04: But a surprising amount of everyday unhappiness is generated by what we do with what life delivers.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_04: And once we can see what we're doing, we can choose to do something different.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_04: That's personal agency.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_04: Now, if you don't tell anybody about it, then it is secret agency.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, I should have issued a dad joke alert, my bad.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_04: Best you remember, personal agency, that is a superpower, and it is legitimate self-sovereignty.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_04: And that's why this is the no-prizone.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_04: Big news, join us at Upwards Best for your daily dose of personal growth.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_04: Get your friends and neighbors to sign up.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_04: We're keeping it complimentary through Maximum Momentum Day, which you likely remember is September 30th.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_04: Grab yourself another great week.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_04: Keep in mind they are absolutely free of charge and yours for the making.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_04: Be happy if you want to.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_04: Permission granted and all systems go.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_04: Thanks for listening.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_04: As you leave the no cry zone, please deposit your 3D glasses in the bin near the exit and get on out there and be a net positive.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_04: Aspire, be flexible, and come upwards with us.