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When Someone Else Gets the Future You Wanted: Christian Dating, Comparison & Relationship Disappointment · Kingdom Spouse Disappointment | Healing, Heartbreak, God Revealed Relationship, The One,

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  Have you ever seen something and immediately felt like a clench in your stomach?
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  Maybe it's a wedding announcement or maybe it was an engagement photo,
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  a pregnancy announcement, a new house, a new car, or maybe even your ex getting
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  married to someone else.
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  And you probably smiled. Maybe you even commented saying congratulations.
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  But after you put down that phone, you felt something completely different.
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  God, what about me? That was supposed to be me, or I thought I would have that by now.
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  Why does everyone else seem to be moving forward?
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  And you might even be thinking to yourself, Why does it seem like someone is
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  getting the future I thought was mine?
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  If you've ever felt like that, today's episode is for you.
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  Have you ever believed God showed you your future spouse only for the relationship
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  to end or never even begin?
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  You are not alone.
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  Welcome to Kingdom Spouse Disappointment, a space for honest conversations about
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  Christian dating, heartbreak, and healing.
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  If you've ever said, I thought God told me they were the one.
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  This podcast is for you. Here, we process the pain, rebuild the trust in God, and rediscover hope.
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  One honest conversation at a time.
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  So welcome back to Kingdom Spouse Disappointment.
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  Today, we're talking about when it seems as if someone else has gotten the future
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  or even the relationship you wanted.
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  If you are new here, welcome, welcome, welcome. My name is Lori,
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  your host, and I am so happy that you have joined.
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  And for my returning listeners in the room, thank you for always listening.
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  Thank you for always coming back.
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  I sincerely appreciate you guys so much. Thank you.
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  So for those who are new here, the purpose of this podcast is just to help persons
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  on their healing journey following relationship disappointment.
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  Now, in a nutshell, my story is that I believed God told me who my future husband
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  would be, we were together, we got engaged,
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  then came a broken engagement and he eventually got married to someone else
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  in several months, right?
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  Yep. But back to today's episode, seeing someone get the future or the relationship
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  you wanted can be very sad.
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  Or even watching someone else's life unfold and wondering why yours doesn't look the same,
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  can cause us to be in a sort of space where we're thinking, why me?
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  So in today's episode, we're going to talk about why comparison hurts so much,
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  what jealousy might actually be revealing underneath the surface,
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  and how to focus on your life instead of someone else's.
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  And stay with me until the end because I'll give you a simple three question reset,
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  you can use the next time someone else's relationship or even life triggers you.
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  Now, a truth that I'm beginning to learn is that comparison turns someone else's story into a mirror.
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  And social media makes this especially difficult.
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  You see the ring, the proposal, the wedding, the maternity photos,
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  the anniversary, the family photos, the house key, the new car,
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  and suddenly their life becomes a mirror.
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  Instead of just simply thinking, oh, that's beautiful, you might start to think, why don't I have that?
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  Their engagement becomes quote-unquote evidence that you're behind.
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  Their wedding becomes seemingly evidence that God hasn't answered you.
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  Their happiness seemingly becomes evidence that apparently you are missing something.
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  But here's the problem.
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  Them you are comparing your behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel,
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  you don't know their entire story,
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  right and more importantly their story was never supposed to be your measuring stick,
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  once again their story was never supposed to be your measuring stick.
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  And I have definitely been there before and it is still something I am consistently
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  trying to guard myself again.
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  But you see, specifically after my broken engagement, it felt like everyone,
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  plus the universe, was getting married.
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  It seemed like they had what I believed I lost.
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  It seemed like they had what I believed God promised.
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  And that, my dear friend, was painful.
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  Plus to top it off my ex got married to someone else several months later,
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  so even more I felt like someone got or received the future that was supposed to be mine,
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  it seemed like that person received the future life that was supposed to belong to me,
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  and you might be experiencing something similar to and if I'm gonna keep it real guys,
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  I was jealous I was really jealous like I was full-on jealous jealous jealous,
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  and I want to be careful here because Christians sometimes and when I say Christians
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  I'm a Christian right but Christians sometimes feel ashamed,
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  when they experience jealousy.
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  They might say, I'm a Christian, I shouldn't feel this way.
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  And yes, the Bible commands us not to covet.
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  It says, you know, don't covet your neighbor's possessions.
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  But let's slow down. Sometimes jealousy isn't simply, I want what they have.
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  Sometimes underneath it all is, I'm hurting because I wanted that too.
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  And the truth is that sometimes jealousy is a fruit from the root of grief and pain.
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  You know you are grieving the fact that you don't have something or the fact
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  that you lost something or even someone,
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  and you now become jealous of someone who has what you don't,
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  and in all honesty i would recommend honestly bringing that jealousy before
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  god name it confess it and ask god to uproot it by his power and through his word.
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  Don't pretend that it doesn't exist.
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  But at the same time, don't entertain it nor make space for it to stay in the home of your soul.
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  Because the truth is that the Bible highly, highly, highly, highly cautions
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  us against jealousy and comparison.
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  It might seem like something simple and hidden, but it can easily turn into something awful.
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  For example, in the biblical story of Joseph and his brothers.
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  Their comparison, their jealousy, and their envy turned into them selling their
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  brother Joseph into slavery and then lying to their father that he died.
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  There is two sides to this coin, I would say.
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  If you are experiencing jealousy, envy, comparison, as a Christian,
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  don't feel the need to hide in shame.
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  Boldly go to the throne of grace and be honest with God about everything. Give him the raw deal.
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  But at the same time, don't just vent and leave it there.
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  Through prayer and his word, ask God to help you deal with it.
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  Now, I want to show you something quickly, because look at this.
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  Joseph's brothers were jealous of him, right?
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  One of the brothers was Judah. One of Joseph's brothers that was there in the whole plot was Judah.
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  Now, does that name ring a bell to anyone?
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  It might, because from the tribe of Judah, came mighty kings,
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  mighty and wise kings such as David and Solomon and the list goes on.
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  And most importantly, from that tribe came Jesus Christ or Messiah and Lord.
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  And I'm saying this to say, in this moment, you might feel like a Judah.
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  You might be comparing your life to others or experiencing jealousy because
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  you believe someone else received a promise a future or even a relationship you wanted,
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  right in this moment you might feel,
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  like that person is a joseph you might feel like they are joseph with this coat
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  of many colors and you might even feel as if,
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  your heavenly father is favoring them and not you.
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  But what I want you to do is to focus less on someone else you might think is
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  a Joseph and instead focus on what God is doing in your life.
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  Give him thanks for the blessings that he has in store for you,
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  your children and the generations to come.
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  Because you could be here just focusing on the fact that you don't feel like a Joseph.
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  While God might be getting ready to do great things through your life and the
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  generations that come through you.
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  And I'm not saying this to elevate any of the brothers above the other or anything like that.
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  Instead, I am just trying to show you that there is a bigger picture.
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  Now as promised I am going to go into the three question reset to help you when
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  you are experiencing comparison or jealousy.
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  Before we do this, I just want to make a quick point that,
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  you see someone else's timeline doesn't instantly become yours or God's timeline, right?
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  Ouch, I feel like that's for me. it's it's interesting how as i share with you
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  on this podcast god has a way of just also using it,
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  to to convict and encourage me along the way right,
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  isn't he just amazing but yeah,
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  someone else's timeline does not instantly become your timeline or god's timeline,
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  so someone getting married at 25 doesn't mean that you failed at 35.
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  Someone else's answered prayer doesn't mean God has rejected yours.
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  Or someone gets in the relationship or even the person you believe was going
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  to be yours doesn't mean that they are more favored by God than you are. No.
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  Remember, you don't always know the circumstances behind situations or even
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  the full detail of the lives of other people.
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  So yeah, so here's the three question reset I want you to remember.
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  When someone's life or relationship news or whatever the case might be triggers you,
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  I want you to pause and think about these three questions.
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  So question one, what am I actually feeling?
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  Is it jealousy, sadness? Is it fear, loneliness, grief, anger?
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  What is it? Name it, right?
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  When I hear this news about this person, what am I feeling?
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  Now, question two is, what is this reminding me that I desire?
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  What is it reminding me that I want? Could it be marriage, family,
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  companionship, security, financial stability, love, to be chosen,
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  to be known, whatever the case is,
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  that's important to know, right?
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  That's something important to know. And question three is, can I release their
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  story back to them and mine back to God?
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  And this is important because I don't need their timeline to determine mine.
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  And I don't need their outcome to determine whether or not God is good to me.
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  Right? And let's just get a bit practical for a moment.
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  If someone else's life keeps reopening a specific wound, you are allowed to step back.
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  Right? You're allowed to mute, unfollow, whatever the case might be.
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  Because I remember after my broken engagement, I had to mute my ex's status
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  and even his close friends.
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  You don't have to prove that you're healed by constantly exposing yourself to
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  something that hurts. No.
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  Sometimes having boundaries are wise.
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  Because while you are trying to lay things before God and heal and so forth, it's good,
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  for you also to maybe avoid some things that could be very triggering.
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  So if you realize that your ex moved on, got married to someone else,
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  and it's very triggering for you right now, maybe it's wise to mute their status for a while.
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  So that you and God, you can allow God to work on your heart and whatever it
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  is that you are experiencing, right?
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  So, yeah. Plus, I want you to remember that God has not asked you to compete.
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  I think sometimes we can treat life or even relationships like a race or a sprint.
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  Who got married first? Who has children first? Who is further ahead?
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  But God's kingdom isn't a race against another person's timeline.
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  You don't have to beat them at this, do this before them, or make irrational
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  decisions just to catch up with them, right?
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  So I definitely would like you
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  to just reflect or even journal using those three step reset questions.
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  And of course, before I go, I must leave with you your usual truth for the journey.
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  Does anyone else look forward to hearing what the truth for the journey is? Because I do.
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  But anyways, your truth for the journey for this week is someone else's timeline,
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  is not evidence that I am behind or forgotten by God.
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  Nor does it become my timeline or God's timeline.
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  Yeah so thank you so much again for joining today's episode as usual i'm your
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  host laurie and catch you next week have a good one.